The Outsider
by starazure
Summary: Kenshin is an aimless student who has nothing to look forward to in life. He and his friends receive a surprise when they must welcome a new student to their high school; the refined, young and attractive Soujiro Seta. While everyone is taken by his charms, Kenshin is suspicious of him. Some things, however, are better off undiscovered. Dark fic, AU, non-canon, yaoi, hard lemon.
1. The Outsider

_Author's note: Hey everyone! So for a week straight, I've been working on this introductory chapter for my new story, "The Outsider". I want to do something a little different than my previous big story, "Eyes of Truth", and it's basically that all of the paragraphs will be in the center instead of the traditional format with my previous fanfic. Just to give this version of Kenshin a much different voice, in a way, you know what I mean? And because it really helps to dramatize the nature of this fic. I will also be tagging the chapters with titles of my favorite songs. The story title and this first chapter is from the band "A Perfect Circle", and the song is made from their album "Thirteenth Step". _

_I just want to say thank you to my biggest fans like Cannibal Corncob, Daemon Spawn, Chimerical, Bone Deep, Shamaniac, Hell Hound, I8Pi, Internet4Porn, Shiro Sylthfarn, among many others. This story is especially made with you gorgeous people in mind._

 _Anybody who's brand new to my account, I'm basically an RK fanatic and a serious shipper between Kenshin and Soujiro. I'm just so burned that there's hardly any fanfics dedicated to these two, so I took it upon myself to write the fanfics since I figured I have the experience to do so. Be sure to check out my other two fanfics for more yaoi goodness while you wait for the next update of this fanfic. It'll sure to keep you busy, fo'shizzle!_

 _So, if you could all remember what Kenshin looks like when he was a teenager fighting in the war, that's basically how he looks in this fanfic. So fucking hot and sexy, right? Now imagine him with Soujiro Seta. Hot damn, I know!_

 _Disclaimer: I do NOT own the Rurouni Kenshin franchise nor do I legally own the characters of the manga or the anime. I'm simply a fan who's perverted and has way too much time on her hands. This story is rated M+ for adult themes such as coarse language, drug use, smoking, alcohol references, strong sexual/graphic scenes, and some violence._

 **WARNING: The story you are about to read contains disturbing content in relations to a character's trauma. You should be prepared to read with this in mind, and should always stop if it becomes too upsetting. Viewer discretion is strongly advised.**

 _Without further ado, here is the first chapter. Enjoy!_

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 **The Outsider**

 _"They were right about you."_

 _\- A Perfect Circle_

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 _"Wake up."_

I jerk from my slumber with a choking gasp, my dilating pupils adjusting to the sight of my cracked ceiling above me. Who said that? Where am I? Then my questions were answered, somewhat, by the small vibration coming from my mobile phone. I pick it up to turn off the alarm, the screen clacking as I see my apps floating quickly into the center for my choosing. The one nice thing I have in my possession. It's time to get up but it isn't time to die yet. My eyes blink at that peculiar thought but I shake it off just as quickly. I think it's been a week since I've started skipping school and my step-father could no longer excuse my absences.

My bottom lip finds itself enclosed in between my teeth, and I let out a sigh.

Is the weekend over already?

Why does such bliss have to end?

The sharp sound of my shower curtain being swooped aside so as to turn on the hot water is amplified by the rickety old bar that is barely keeping itself together. My mind could not remember when was the last time we renovated or fixed anything in this old house, but I think it's been too long already. Our landlord doesn't even care to offer help, or discount the fixtures that he is actually responsible for when he gave my step-father the damn keys in the first place. It's a piece of shit, our landlord said, but I'll help you pay for any damages if you just cough up the money beforehand. And like a dolt, my step dad fell for it. What a rip off. But when your step-father is struggling his own inner demons, it's hard to separate the sinners from the beasts all around you. Perhaps he just gave up somewhere along the way and just shows his hand to anyone who asks for his blessings. It's certainly easier, but..

Never mind.

I don't care.

I took my shower and brushed my teeth. A towel is ruffled through my hair to dry it as quickly as I can possibly make it so. My long, red hair is then swooped up into a messy, high ponytail, as a trademark to my every day _I don't give a flying fuck what you think of me_ look that I carefully constructed over the years. I then put on my armor, which couldn't be less inviting: Mean looking combat boots with snared edges, scratched up Levi jeans that used to look presentable once upon a time, a wife beater, and a dark flannel shirt to cover over that. Once that's over, I almost leaped into the kitchen, convinced that I should make an early start today. I grab myself a breakfast burrito and haven't bothered to smack it into the microwave like I usually do. I just don't have the time nor the patience. Not to mention, if I can see my step dad as least as possible today, that'll be great. He's probably passed out somewhere, perhaps from his trip out late last night. Chasing after his temptations, or maybe redemption, I don't really know, and I don't really care. I grab my backpack and sling it over my shoulder in one smooth movement. I'm just about to head out to the front door when I hear the metallic groan of the living room couch and a weak gruff, "Shinta..?"

Fuck.

I close my eyes, already on edge and irritated. I sighed, a long sigh, an exhalation of burden. I don't answer but he doesn't waste time filling in the gap anyway, "Issa.. issa you?"

You're so abhorrent. I wish you'd stop drinking already.

"Yes, dad, it's me. It's always been me, for the past eighteen fucking years." I retorted dryly with sarcasm, swallowing the saliva that I would have loved to spit out instead. Nothing is said for a moment, and so I just roll my eyes and turn myself around to look at him. Just to see what Little Miss Sunshine looks like. Sunshine is correct; he's the perfect image of debauchery, right down to his scratchy unshaven face and bloodshot eyes, the dark circles that surrounds them are amplified by the hollows of his cheeks. His hair is dull and ratty with improper care, and his teeth has a yellow glint that I wish he could check out with his insurance. At one point long ago, my step father, Hiko Seijuro, used to be a normal civilian and used to have a job at the local police department. Then he started drinking and I guess that took over his life instead of his career or his step son. I never knew my real father, but I hear he was never the family guy type. My mom died when I was too young to remember.

Maybe it's good not to remember these things.

"Ah.." Hiko rubs his forehead with heavy grief, realizing that he's collapsed on the couch once again for the millionth time, "I'm, I'm so sorry, son. I must've drank too much last night.."

No shit, really?

I narrow my eyes and I couldn't stop myself from speaking in a forceful tone, "When you're done feeling sorry for yourself, I would like the keys to the truck. I don't want to be late."

There is a recoil in his frame and despite witnessing it, I don't feel the usual prick of guilt. He knows exactly where I stand with his alcoholism and he still refuses to reach out for help. Hiko started drinking for fun around the height of his career, and when I was just a young lad about to experience the coming of age that is adolescence. We used to get along well, even if we're not blood, but when he would drink, I didn't like how much crazier he began to appear. Or feel. He doesn't feel like an actual father figure anymore, but a comic relief for his other bar buddies. Until slowly, his illness stopped being funny, and then there were no one to clap after his performances. Soon his drinking poured over into his job and the boss couldn't risk the exposure, so Hiko got the boot to his ass, rightfully so. If my real dad is a prick, then Hiko shouldn't disappoint me like him, either. He needs to step up, but I think I've reached my wits end a long time ago.

I just stay here because there really isn't anywhere else to go.

And it's hard facing that every day as soon as I wake up from my sweetest dreams.

"Or the nightmares." I find myself talking to no one in particular, though it rouses his interest.

"What was that, son?"

Nothing. Never mind.

Who cares.

"It's nothing. Can I have the keys now?" I place a hand on my waist to showcase my impatience.

Hiko could only gape at me, perhaps to study me or to see if I can be vulnerable enough to tell him why I said nightmares, but my eyes narrow threateningly so. I can read his mind and he knows it. He sighs defeatedly and sits up on the couch in order to fish out the keys to his truck from his jean pocket, the sign of my freedom in the form of an old key ring and an attached plastic eyeball. He looks at his hand where the key lays, and I'm just about this close to saying something callous to get it myself, when he trains his tired eyes at me and says, "How about I take you to your school myself. It's the least I can do."

"The least you can do? What's that suppose to mean?" I sneer.

"I mean, with what happened.. last night," Hiko cringes and looks down at himself with dejection, "I'm sorry, son. I've been planning to see a doctor today, so I will definitely need my truck after all."

Holy mother of fuck, is he serious? I just knew he would pull this shit out of his ass eventually. I shut my eyes and swallow down my scream and my desire to curse him out, because as much as I want to savor my time alone in that truck, I have to wonder if maybe.. just maybe.. Hiko is serious about getting help this time. Maybe seeing the hatred in my eyes has already pushed him to his limit. Hiko doesn't bother to wait for my response and gets up from the couch to grab his aged bomber jacket from the kitchen counter. I shake my head with my eyes rolling to the back of my skull again, sighing. What the fuck ever. Maybe he'll tell me more sweet things before class.

I don't hope for much, but..

Soon I'm dazing off to the world swooping past us as Hiko drives, with his usual peppy bullshit whistling. God, what is he so happy about? And so damn early in the morning, too? I grimace secretly at his mumbling of the lyrics, the song unknown to my ears, so I just focus on the window instead. Living in Kyoto has its perks. There's a lot of green sceneries around here, and I'm never short out of having solitutde walks through the forests around here. My stepfather and I live in the countryside, in a shabby shack and in a way, I'm actually kind of happy that there's lots to explore around here. I wouldn't do so well in major cities around in Japan, really. I need to be at one with the clear air, clean water, and the wildlife in order to stay relatively sane, I guess. The sight of the cloudy skies and the birds flying peacefully in the air as we drive through the road makes me smile modestly to myself. So maybe my life is pretty shitty for the most part.. but the simple lifestyle always brings me back to a better mood after a while.

"So, Shinta," Hiko speaks after his little song ends, "Tell me about school. What's going on with you? Has it been a week since you've attended?"

"When you drink, do you become blinded from all the clocks and calendars?" I mutter with a marked attitude, leaning my head on the window while my eyes swoop over to his face, "I skipped school because I wasn't feeling well. You know this."

Hiko's mouth spreads thinner at what I just said, "What were you sick of, exactly? You seemed fine when you were home."

I groan, "Please, dad. Let's not do this."

"Alright, Shinta."

"Kenshin."

"What?"

"The name's Kenshin, remember?" I sit up straighter in order to look on the road ahead, "Shinta was given to me by my real dad, and I never liked it. So just call me Kenshin already, God."

"Your.. real father, Kenshin," Hiko hiccups and sniffs, "Was a real jerk to have left you and your mother like that many years ago. I may not be perfect, but―"

"―Perfect? Far from it! You got one thing right today, congrats!" I lean against the window again to avoid him, crossing my arms to my chest. Sometimes I hate being like this to him, but the things he does really make me so pissed off, that's there's just no other way to treat him. I've tried being nice when I first discovered his drinking at twelve years old, but that didn't help. Then I tried hiding things to disrupt his drinking habits, like his keys or his wallet or the train ticket passes, to no avail. Nothing I did or said alleviate the disorder, so one day, I just sorta became a prick and that kind of got through his thick skull. But still.. the drinking continues. I wonder if my father, the one who left me, drank any alcohol at all. I wonder if he's better by that virtue than Hiko, or if I'm just wishing for any other realities than the one I am forced to lead right now. Anything is certainly better than this.

I'm happy that Hiko stays quiet after my biting remark, and I doze off to the window again, thinking about the nightmare I had last night. I can't remember most of it, just that I was walking through a dark passage and all I could see around me, were these eyes. Really big, horrible looking eyes, too surreal in their intricate details. It was terrible and I've never felt more judged or inspected as closely like that before. There must've been over a hundred of them. A thousand, even. I wonder what it means. The drive to my local high school finally comes to an end and Hiko moves the car right to the curb, just near the double front doors of the building. We sit there together for a while, not sure on how to break the silence, but Hiko clears his throat to do his usual bidding.

"Well son, I'll see you in a bit. You should, how you kids say these days.. simply slay the day!"

Just kill me now.

"Nobody says that, dad," I grumble irritatingly as I open the car door to my side and climb out, "Don't pick me up after school. I have another ride."

"Okay, see y―"

I already swung the door shut in his face and turned around to walk away from the truck, walking up towards the school. I hear the putter of the old engine starting up behind me and the lazy zoom of the wheels carrying itself off back to the main road again. Like I said, I sometimes hate how I act towards him, but.. I'm never going to forgive him for choosing the bottle over me. I take my sweet time in reaching the double doors, posters plastered everywhere about extra curricular activities and after school clubs that are seeking new students to join them. The last time I joined something like this was shop class, where I excelled in building and fixing shit, and my teacher commented that I should look into becoming a car repairman or even to tune up motorcycles. I could see myself doing something like that. There was also that weird play I had to do at six years old, when Hiko wasn't a drunk and he supported me during the opening act. He recorded me with his camera and was gushing all about it to his work buddies down at the station. I remember being so embarrassed by him, but also happy that he was even there to begin with. I can no longer rely on that sort of thing anymore.

Am I happy I can be alone without him, or sad that it can't stay the same like the old days?

I catch the reflection of my face from the glass door. I look.. not so well rested. But I still look passable. Despite some of my bad habits, I still seem to retain the glow that only youth could provide. My dad.. well, step dad.. thinks I should cut my hair shorter, but I would never. I don't know why I even want to keep it, to be honest. I think it's just to piss him off or something. Plus, it's a part of my identity, whatever that means. My outfit also brings it all together with the "rebel without a cause" that seems to be a hit with the female population. The notches on my belt proves it. So really, why should I even listen to Hiko?

Right.

Why the fuck should I?

A burst of rage shoots from my enraged eyes to my fist. I thrust my arm into the glass door, shattering the interior. I whip my fist back, surprised to not see a hole in there. I flinch, expecting an alarm to go off, but no such thing happen. I blink a few times, feeling a little stupid over that, wondering if the alarm system is broken. How lucky is that? I chuckle to myself with a shake of my head. I go to the other undamaged door to pull the handle and head inside the school, immediately venturing through the hallways to find my homeroom. Students dot the area, many of them talking with their friends and some on the floor studying, peacefully ignoring me just as I disregard their existences back. This school sucks but what other word would most kids describe their schools, anyway? Unless you're a lonely genius or really beautiful and athletic. Then it's something to you. But this is nothing to me.

God, I'm itching for a cigarette.

"Yo, Shinding!" The first voice I hear just as I enter homeroom is none other than my good friend, Sanosuke Sagara. Kyoto's finest party animal. He's the guy that all the other guys tell you about when you want to get your hands on practically _anything._ Drugs, concert tickets, food, you name it, he's got it. Sano's like a dealer, but not actually a dealer. He just knows people, and where to get your shit. He's my smoking buddy and he's just a really good friend. He always lets me shoot the shit with him, and always hears me out when I want to vent or to just sit quietly somewhere with me. He's never hard on me and he knows when to leave me alone when I need it, no questions asked. He's just that cool. He's adorned in a leather jacket and the same shredded jeans I'm wearing, though surely from a different brand. There's a white wash covering his knee caps, and our other friends used to joke that it was from him sucking so much dick to score our drugs, which really pissed him off. He's not like that, though.. He really, really loves women. Sometimes a little too much. With a nice pair of motorcycle boots, Sanosuke looks like the type of idiot that you'd love to have fun with.

"The name's," I get right into his face with gritted teeth, "Kenshin!"

He leans back with a chortle, "Alright alright, sheesh! Shitdick."

I don't bother to correct him anymore and just sit behind him, and that's when the rest of the gang glide over to us. Since we sit all the way in the back of the room, I get to see the way these people walk up to us and how they looked, and it's strange how I seem to know very different characters in this school. Sano's my party animal, but Megumi Takani is more like the laid back girly girl who loves to go out for karaoke nights in the city. She's a pretty young thing, lips glistened in red lipstick and wears her hair long and glossy. Her best friend, Kaoru Kamiya, is just as feminine but a little more homely, and she's always getting in trouble with her parents for hanging out with us. Megumi and her are best friends and so that's how Kaoru got to be a part of us. Megumi's always trying to give her fashion tips to assemble Kaoru's wardrobe to make room for street wear, but it's been going pretty slowly for the most part. In her peach cashmere sweater, Kaoru is just the kind of girl you'd bring home to your parents. I've always had just a small crush on her for that. Then there's the third chick, who's the loud and athletic type, named Misao Makimachi. She's actually part of the gymnastics squad and the other girls on the team always gives her shit for being with us glue sniffing druggies. Oh, well.

The group isn't complete without some guys in there as well; aside from Sanosuke and I, we have Yahiko Myojin, who's introverted but pretty passionate about the magic of marijuana. It's been rumored that he and his parents grow them by the bunch in their outdoor garden. I hardly go to this guy's house to seek the validity of the gossip, but I don't think his mom or dad would appreciate him growing that in their yard. But who knows, right? There are other people in our little group, but they are in our other classes, and I don't think I can handle seeing anymore faces after my fight with Hiko. As they gather all around me with blinking eyes, I had to sneer at their general direction, "What?!"

"Nothing, we thought you died!" Megumi clasps her hands together in a fit of anxiety, "You haven't been to school in almost a week!"

"Good thing we saw you at the party the other night, shit was so cash!" Sano slaps his palm against my shoulder, angering me in the process.

I rub my shoulder where he hit me, "I wasn't sick. I just skip school, you know that."

"And that's why you're the cool one in our group." Yahiko grins and elbows me in the rib playfully, "Check it, I actually scored some from my dealer and we were hoping we could see you tonight to share it."

"And who the fuck is your dealer?" Sano challenges him, "I'm the one who distributes that shit!"

"Your dealer sucks and he always takes too long. Probably smokes all the good ones and gives you the weakest shit in return. No thanks.. Besides, Arai loves us and he has the best strains around." Yahiko leans back in his chair and places his arms behind his head leisurely.

"Shakku Arai? Is he going to be there tonight?" I had to join the conversation anyhow, because nothing beats a joint on a Monday night. Yahiko grins, confirming my theory.

"I think I'm gonna quit the cheer squad," Megumi stretches her neck until she hears a pop, "Those sluts are always ripping on you guys from the bleachers."

"I think you should sit on me instead." Sanosuke sniggers, and the pink arises on Megumi's cheeks.

"I think the fuck not."

"Aw come on. Maybe Misao here can join us, too. Hashtag threesome."

"Hashtag _gross_!" Misao spits and I hide my laughter under my breath, looking away from them.

"Alright, settle down, children, settle down and take your seats!" The homeroom teacher announces as she plops her messenger bag onto her desk chair to rub her hands on her long skirt, "We've received a new student of the highest caliber, and we'd like for you all to be on your best behavior for today!"

 _"Oh, shit, is the new kid famous?"_ I hear the other students whispering to each other, and the class room starts clamoring. Even my friends had to join on the madness, theories abounding left and right. I couldn't care less even if I tried. The teacher starts rapping her desk with her ruler stick in order to gather our attention again, and the collective chatter dies down. I lean back on my chair just like Yahiko, already checking out mentally to daydream about the sweetness that I will smoke tonight instead. It's the middle of October, and the trees have changed in shades of warm tones, like lit up matches in a sea of grey skies. Starting senior year is nerve wracking for a lot of reasons. What's going to happen to all of us when the year ends? It seems like everybody in the world has a plan except me. I never gave a shit about homework, and although my test scores intimidate even the most stern teachers, I still don't think that's enough to grant me the opportunity to go to university. I know I'm not one to scare easily, but thinking about the future does form a small pit in my stomach sometimes.

Where do I go from here?

Why did I dream of those eyes last night?

What is the connection between these two?

The teacher, Mrs Kazuhiro Kita, begins her opening with her hands clasped together excitedly:

"Class, I cannot even begin to tell you about my excitement in sharing this opportunity to become the homeroom teacher of our brand new student. Hailing from the great city of Tokyo, this student represents one of the most prestigious companies of the Asian continent: The Seta Enterprise! As you know, it is the one organization responsible for international travel and enforcing important business deals, entailing Japan to join hip to hip with other grand countries such as Russia, the United Kingdom, Germany, the United States, among many others. A good portion of Japan's wealth is because of this student's father, and so, I want to formally introduce to you all―"

The door opens and there is a hush of silence as the sound of polite footsteps entering the room. I open my eyes lazily.

"―To Seta Soujiro, of the Seta Enterprise."

Standing in front of all the desks and all the students is a lean looking boy with cropped brown hair and lusty blue eyes. He proudly presents himself in rich fabrics of what it appears to be a navy uniform, more fitting for a private school than a public one like this. Even if so, his lax and charming demeanor softens his exterior, and I can already hear the girls gushing over him in their desks with their hushed giggling. Oh, please. I take a look harder and try to see if I can find even one tiny flaw that can end their crush over this kid. Maybe he has a broken tooth, or traffics sex workers with his dad. Anything is possible at this point, especially with the group as sketchy as the elite class. What is he doing here, anyway? Shouldn't he go to a more prestigious school for all the money he has in the family? Why this school over all the others?

"Is this some kind of joke?" I mutter under my breath which makes Yahiko scoff in agreement with me.

"Maybe he got kicked out of _Le School for Fancy Asses_ over a prank, or some shit." Sanosuke leans over his shoulder to look at me, since he sits in the front of me.

"Oh, what, like," I roll my eyes, "Because his costly bookbag doesn't match his shoes?"

Sanosuke chuckles and Yahiko joins him also, which caught on the attention of the two people in the front of the classroom. A loud rapping sound is heard from the teacher's ruler and we all promptly shut up, and I can see Soujiro's curious eyes peering right at us. His eyes are so blue and eerily penetrating. The little creep. What are you looking at? This Soujiro guy then hovers his eyes over to the teacher as she jeers from where she stands: "Well, I should've known that the school's misfits already have something to say. Sanosuke Sagara and Kenshin Himura, perhaps the two of you care to show Soujiro the ways around this facility for the rest of the school day."

"Are you sure, Mrs Kita?" Sanosuke speaks in a slighter higher, more obnoxious tone of voice, earning the muffled laughter from the rest of the class.

"But of course! As far as I'm aware, you and Mr Himura here are just one detention slip away from an in-school suspension, so if I catch wind that you don't do this one assignment, rest assured that you will not see the light of day again!"

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. Fuck you.

Sanosuke slumps into his seat defeated, and training my eyes to the front of the room again, I can see Soujiro looking at us all with a catty smile. A smile so restrained and modest, yet somehow, so vigorous with impure intentions. I glowered and let my eyes fall to my crossed arms, already deciding that I don't like this kid at all. If his esteemed position will protect him, or even grant him special privileges that the rest of us cannot afford, then I will make it my mission to knock him down a few pegs where necessary. After the teacher feels satisfied with herself, she turns to Soujiro to ask him to tell the class more about himself. Oh boy, here we go.

"Thank you for that fine introduction, Mrs Kita," Soujiro formally bows to the lady next to him before he faces the crowd again, "My name is Soujiro Seta, if that hasn't already been established. My father is the head CEO for the Seta Enterprise, where we help business organizations in negotiating complex deals and work on the security against fraud and money laundering. In a way, we are the middle men between two companies who desire to work something out for all involved, and my father has taught me the ethics of the Seta Enterprise since I was just a young boy. I hope to follow in his footsteps someday. I'm here because I want to have the normal high school experience at least once, before I graduate and head off into university. Having been in boarding schools and private institutes my entire life, I just felt that something in my life was missing. Then I realized what it was‒I want to be among people like yourselves, because really.. it's just so intriguing, and I want to hopefully unite the awkward gap between different social classes. I hope to be your friend."

The entire class recoil in disturbance from the crystal clear sound of my loud, harsh laughter.

Give me a break!

All eyes turn to me, Soujiro's included, especially so.

So that's what my nightmare means.

It's starting to make sense now.

But there's still so much to ask.

"Mr Himura!" The teacher slaps her ruler against her other open palm after home room ended, "Clearly I cannot control you as well as the police officers can, but I expected better behavior from you. Especially since you've been out sick the entirety of last week and I've pardoned the absenses, I would've liked something kind in return. Since you have Japanese history next period, as do Soujiro, the two of you will walk together. According to his schedule, he actually has all of the same classes as you do. Some will call this fate, but I think it's karmic punishment."

"Karmic.." I repeat to myself, my hands gripping into fists away from her eyes. Is she talking about.. my step father?

"Hmph!" Mrs Kita then she faces Soujiro with a more apologetic demeanor, "Mr Seta, I am so sorry that you have to face this sort of debauchery on your very first day of this school. This male bravado that Kenshin and his friends share do not reflect the sanctity of our alma matter. And even though I assigned this especially to Kenshin here to make up for his missing work, I do feel sorry that you have to be stuck all day with him. If you need to change certain classes to stay well away from him, I can write a personal letter to our head principal."

Oh, yes, because I'm just _so_ terrible, huh?

I look up just in time to catch Soujiro's eyes resting on my face before they flicker over to her, "It is really no trouble, Mrs Kita. I think we will get along just fine, just like the opposing ends of a magnet. I think, maybe, perhaps.. I could be a permanent study tutor to Mr Himura if he needs any help with his school work, and in return, he can help fill up my social calendar with his friends. I'm sure my father may have already filled you in on my feelings of loneliness since we moved here to Kyoto."

"Oh, yes!" Mrs Kita lays a hand on her heart in a sympathetic fashion, "We will make absolutely sure that you will have many friends here at this school, Soujiro! Mr Himura here will also make sure of that, won't you, boy?"

Boy? I glare openly at her but her sour look quickly reminds me who has more power in this dynamic, and so I sigh, surrendering. The two of them seem to perk right up from that, and bidding goodbyes, the new kid and I wander through the hallways together in silence. I make it a point not to even look at the boy walking next to me, nor do I break my back to ask him any questions about himself. I'm forced to do this assignment and there's no escaping it, but I can always do the bare minimum at the same time. What does it matter, anyway? Sooner or later, Soujiro will befriend the more influential groups of this school, like the soccer team or the slightly richer students here. The misfits won't welcome him too easily, that I'm sure of. We have too much on our plates to take care of some poor little rich boy.

I would have expected this kid to start talking to me, or ask me questions, just to break the awkward silence. But he doesn't. He just walks politely next to me, taking in his surroundings and having this dreamy, faraway look in his eyes, as if thinking of all the good things that can happen to him. What his new friends will be like, what he'll plan to do in terms of academic activities, the part time job at the library he can do and maybe joining a sports team or an after school club. I don't know how I know, but he looks like the ambitious type to me. He looks so clean and so refined. His chocolate locks seem to glitter from the hallway lights, or perhaps from its general health. He must use some pretty expensive shampoos to get it to shine like that. His face is clear of any imperfections, untouched by the harsh realities of life. His gait is open and confident, his posture close to perfection. The texture of his clothes look even better up close. I wonder what it would feel like on me, instead of the ratty garbage I am forced to wear daily. I keep my head down and my hands behind my pockets, not wanting Soujiro to notice me looking at him.

He doesn't belong here.

He's an outsider.

We finally make it to our first period class, Japanese History. Class is about to start and so I just go on to the back of the room like I usually do, and this kid follows me without a word. Just as I sit down on my desk, he takes a seat right in front of me, and turns around to look at me with a smile. I'm already peeved and quirk an eyebrow at him questionably, but he only smiles wider in return. What the fuck does he want now?

"What?!" I vehemently snip.

"Aren't you going to introduce me to the teacher?"

I frown at him, puzzled, "Why can't you do that yourself? I'm not your mom."

"No you're not, but your homeroom teacher insists that you show me around as much as possible." Soujiro tucks a small lock of his chestnut hair behind his ear, "Besides, I don't even know his name, and I don't want to be rude."

You're already being rude by talking to me, you little shit. My eye twitches in annoyance, and I grumble with irritation, looking around the room to spot the teacher. Looks like he's not here yet, but I can see a small group of young female students whispering and pointing in our general direction. They must be talking about Soujiro here. I train my eyes to Soujiro again and he still hasn't moved from his original stance, and I nod towards the girls a foot away from us, "Talk to those girls. They'll show you the ropes to this class and about the teacher."

Soujiro's limpid eyes are wide and unblinking towards me, not knowing what to say. He looks at the female students and they all start to giggle madly to themselves, clamouring in secret. Then he turn back towards me and he shakes his head, "No. I don't want that. I'm sure they're nice, but I'd rather have you show me the ropes."

Calm down, Kenshin, don't snap.

"Why?" I mutter through clenched teeth.

Soujiro tilts his head gently to the side with a small, knowing smile, "Because I feel safe with you."

Don't snap.

The million eyes are now looking at us, burning my face with their powerful stares.

Don't..

"You're an idiot." I blurted out before I could reign myself in.

But Soujiro, whose eyes flash a moment of hurt, bounce back with a playful grin, "Well now! If I am, then I guess I'll have to stay by your side, right? I'll need your expertise to get myself around this school. You seem like the very smart type."

I don't buy into his glib and scoff, crossing my arms defiantly. Despite the expression, I've decided that I will just do today's important assignment of helping Soujiro out and rationalized that if I can get him to make some new friends that are not my friends, then I can get rid of him as quickly as the very next day. I'll have to work extra hard in order to make this happen. I'm usually the kind to play first and work later.. much later. But, in this dire situation, I'll have to rev up my gears and get my hands dirty. I stand from my seat as soon as the history teacher, Mr Yoshi, comes in and we both walk over to him to introduce Soujiro. Mr Yoshi seems enthralled already by Soujiro's boyish charms and I let them do the talking, standing by just in case they need to ask me for something. With some exchanges, all is satisfied and we return to our seats to begin the lesson.

"Mr Himura, I've emailed you your missing assignments. Don't be afraid to reach out if you need any assistance!" Mr Yoshi calls out while I was about to walk out of the class at the end of the period.

"Oh, no need, Mr Yoshi! I'm going to be his study buddy!" Soujiro waves a hand in his direction goodbye, "But we'll contact you if we're stuck on something for sure!"

Already playing the teacher's pet, are we? I roll my eyes and kept on walking, Soujiro closing the door behind us on the way out. There is no way I'm going to let Soujiro become my study buddy even if his life depends on it. We walked to our second period class, Art 101. It's one of the few classes that I really don't mind handing in my assignments, because I can just be myself. Not to mention, the teacher really enjoys my macabre pieces of art. We're learning how to paint on acrylics. Luckily, my teacher, Mr Matsumura, never gave a homework assignment for the entire year, and we just get our grades based on how many artwork we do during classroom hours. Since I've missed last week, he offered me to just finish the assignments during lunch hour or after school, and if I need any art supplies, he has no qualms handing them to me if I decide to do them at home. I'm missing three assignments, so I should plan accordingly. But I like him and I like this class, so it's not that bad.

"Sir, this is Soujiro Seta. He's new." I lean against the wall coolly while the two of them shake each others' hands.

"Seta Soujiro. I've heard of you. From the Seta Enterprise? Not bad. Must be nice having caviar every night." The teacher shakes his head with a purring laugh, and hands Soujiro a piece of paper, "Here, your first assignment will just be to tell me a little bit about yourself. A short paragraph would do, and I don't need all the details. I don't need to know about your bed wetting accidents when you were six years old."

For the first time, I can see Soujiro feeling flustered and out of balance. My lips spread into a devious smile. Told you I like him.

"Thank you, I will get to it immediately. Come on, Kenshin!" Soujiro goes on ahead of me and even the teacher had to cock an eyebrow my way. I shrug and shake my head in response, heading on over to a seat next to the little weirdo. He does his assignment as prompted, and I work on the regular work of sketching anything we desire. I've thought about it for a bit, and then I set my pencil against the paper. I'm going to draw a huge eyeball, in ode to my nightmare. Thankfully, Soujiro doesn't bother me with chit chat and lets me be, even if I do loathe the fact that he has to sit right next to me. Whatever. I would point to him any interesting student that he could talk to or would be interested in befriending, just to get things going. He would listen, but I don't know if he's absorbing what I'm trying to tell him. I don't know if he's even interested in being friends with anyone. Not even the popular kids.

Strange.

We went at it like this for hours, with different classes, until lunch time. I simply refuse to have Soujiro sit with us misfits, and I even told him this as soon as we arrive in the cafeteria. He almost looks so lost when I told him that, and a very small part of me feels kind of sorry for him. Am I wrong to get rid of him so soon? Of course! He's not like me or my friends. He's not like most students in this God forsaken hell hole, either. But I have a feeling that the slightly richer (and more well liked) students will accept him in a heart beat, and I pointed that group out for him. He follows my finger, and then turns back to me, those pale blue eyes conveying the same lost stare. I slowly take my finger back to my side, gaping at him with a million questions inside my head. What's with this guy?

"Are you retarded or something? Serious question." I tilt my head to the side, blinking. He giggles.

"No. I know what you're trying to do. But.. I do appreciate spending time with you so much so, that I was wondering, if maybe, for just today.. I could sit with you and your friends? Just so we can get along a bit better. I don't want the rest of the senior year to be awkward for all of us. Don't you agree?"

"Well, yeah," My eyes flicker over to my group who just saw us and are waving for us to come on over already, "But, come on, now, be serious. You're the CEO's fucking kid.. of the Seta Enterprise. You're rich. I'm not. You're beloved by all of society. I'm not. My friends aren't, either. We're practically trash next to you. Don't you think you deserve better than that?"

A little manipulation wouldn't hurt, right?

Soujiro smiles warmly and only whispers the following: "Wake up. I'm not leaving. Can't you accept that?"

The eyes all open and are back to staring right at me.

I gawk at him, feeling my face going cold.

Who.. who is this guy?

How did he know?

Soujiro proudly walks up to my table with all my friends staring at him like he just grew three heads. He sets his tray down and sits, turning over his shoulder at me, waiting. I sweep my eyes over my friends, each of them looking back with the same amount of confusion in their eyes as well. There's no turning back now. If I bail, then I know the teachers will talk and Sanosuke and I will get suspended. I sludge on to the table to sit next to Sanosuke, across and away from Soujiro, and Sano immediately makes things worse with his trolling: "Hey kid, you lost? Richie Rich table is that'a way."

Soujiro laughs airly, "I'm not lost. I don't want to sit at that other table. I've grown disenchanted with the upper class right now."

"So, are you really that rich?" Kaoru meekly probes, blushing at her own sudden spike of bravety. Oh shit, Kaoru, not you too?

"I guess I am. Father and I live in a really nice home and we are never scarce of anything."

"So then.. why sit with us?" Sanosuke's eyebrow shoots up, "We don't really have anything to offer you."

"Of course you do. All I want is to be your friend." Soujiro shrugs, a passive smile playing on his lips.

Megumi shakes her head, "Well, if that's the case, I hope you got yourself a good lawyer, because we are always up to no good."

Kaoru jumps in to defend herself and the group, "B-But! We all have something good to give back at the same time. Take me, for example; I'm actually leader of this school's debate team. And Miss Megumi here is also the leader of the cheer squad for this school. We like to raise charities together when the school allows us to, so, even if we do terrible things sometimes.. I like to think we can absolve ourselves with the school stuff, you know?"

Where the hell is Misao, anyway? Is she hiding out somewhere again with a new boyfriend?

"What about you guys?" Soujiro asks the males of the table, "Surely you guys can't be all that bad!"

"I'm a botanist." Yahiko stretches his arms and then drapes them behind his head lazily. I smirk while Sanosuke chuckles, catching on the joke.

"Yeah, well, sometimes, I help out at the town's animal shelter. I fucking hate it when people abuse these poor dogs, so.." Sanosuke shrugs, playing down his sensitive side.

"Those are all really great things. I don't think of you guys as misfits at all! What about you, Kenshin?"

My chest pounds and I play it off with a cough, "Uh, I don't do.. anything, really."

"It's true. Kenshin sucks." Sanosuke quips. I elbow him in the rib cage, "Ow!"

Megumi then decides to change the subject with her usual daily bitching, "Ugh, Kaoru, I saw the cutest pair of shoes down at the mall this past weekend and I wish to all hell I had the balls to steal them. I could even get you a pair in your size, cause heaven knows your parents can't afford much."

Kaoru was about to say something when Soujiro cuts in, "You mean the mall next to that hospital a few minutes drive from here? Which store is it? What do the shoes look like?"

Megumi frowns, "Um, yeah? Why, what's it to ya?"

"I'd like to buy these shoes for you." Soujiro ends it with a bright smile.

The entire table falls silent. What is he talking about? _Buy_ our friends those shoes? Is he kidding? I think he's kidding. He's gotta be kidding. Soujiro, please say you are fucking kidding, please! Megumi looks flustered and then blurts out, "Um, those shoes are kinda pricey and.. besides, you don't know any of us!"

"Please, I insist. How much do they cost? Maybe we can pick them up after school together?"

"I-I think.. they're around five thousand yen." Kaoru blushes even deeper, "Really, Soujiro, you really shouldn't―"

"―It's done. I'll see you guys at my locker after the last class ends today. It's locker number one hundred." Soujiro ends the conversation and goes on to eat his lunch peacefully, leaving us all speechless.

Until the guys jump in.

"H-Hey, guy? I could sure use, uh, a new glass bong!" Yahiko stammers, feeling a little weird trying to get someone to buy shit for him. Must be a first for him, having to practically steal everything himself just to survive on his parents' measly income. Soujiro nods with a reassuring hum. Yahiko whips his head at us two dudes with wide eyes and smile in a _you-gotta-be-fucking-kidding-me_ way.

"Can I have a new motorcycle helmet? Mines broke." Sano scratches the back of his head bashfully so, and I looked at him, offended to my core.

"Sure, why not?" Soujiro giggles.

Oh, that does it.

I simply get up from the table and walk away, ignoring the protests from my friends. I don't hear Soujiro make any sound to stop me from leaving, but I think he knows exactly where I stand with this bullshit he's orchestrating. You can't simply buy people's friendships! It's just not possible and it reeks of bad intentions all around. Sure, he'll buy you anything you want, but at what cost? What if he wants something from you in return? I've learned from a very young age, that nothing good in this life ever comes free. You always have to pay back in some way, shape, or form. And it's not just currency either. It could be something as precious as your very livelihood as you know it. Fuck that noise. I'm leaving. I went to my art class, delighted to see it completely empty. I spend the rest of the lunch hour catching up on my missing assignments.

Fuck this school. Fuck everyone. Fuck Hiko.

Fuck Soujiro.

School ended. I did my mission of having Soujiro make friends with all of the teachers and do my best to keep my distance from him for the rest of that day. I think he caught on and tries to busy himself with introducing himself to other students, who are already bewitched by his polished looks and exotic background. I don't pay any attention to him, and just focus on myself meanwhile. That's what I do best, anyway. Walking to the train station, I pick up a bag of candy to make up for the lunch I couldn't eat today, and arrive home about half an hour later with one train ride. I would expect to find Hiko sprawled out drunk somewhere, but to my own surprise, I can't find him anywhere. Where is he? He doesn't have anywhere else to be at this time, so where could he have gone? My question is answered by a note stamped on the refrigerator.

It simply reads: **Gone job hunting. Received a call for an interview, so I'll be home a little late. Money is on the counter for takeout.**

It feels curiously short. I almost could sense that he wanted to end the note with "I love you" or something emotional, but he held himself back and just ended it at that. I crumble the note and toss it in the trash bin, before opening the fridge to fetch myself a bottle of beer. Smacking it on the edge of the counter, I'm able to loosen the cap off easily and take a long, satisfying swing, letting the burn of the alcohol take the numbness away inside my head. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and go on upstairs to my bedroom, determined to go practice on my guitar for a little while. It's an old, wooden piece of shit, but it still works like new. I sit with my back against the wall on my futon, smoking a cigarette, just strumming some notes absentmindedly, trying somehow to create a song out of nowhere. I let the sound swim inside of me, closing my eyes, trying on notes I could remember distantly in the past, and mixing it with new ones. I think this is one of the only few things in the world that can make me calm when everything goes to shit.

It's all thanks to that stupid new kid that things are feeling off kilter. He's disturbed the natural rhythm of my world just by simply arriving at my school, unannounced and uninvited. There is just so much mystery around that boy and nothing is making any sense. Why my school? Why even choose a mid-tier, public school over the endless private ones that could cater to his needs instead? He wants the normal high school experience before he graduates, but what does that even mean? He seemed to have come from nowhere and had already set his sights on me, so I have to wonder if he knew me before he was enrolled. But that's impossible.. I never seen him before until today. I don't really exist anywhere except on my Facebook account, which I hardly ever use except to keep concerned friends off my back. Maybe he got my profile, thought he could destroy me for something in return, and stalked me? I set my guitar aside and get up to dial on my phone to order pizza, determined to think about something else.

Otherwise, I might go insane.

I eat my dinner in peace, sitting in the kitchen table with the blinds open. The skies are a steep lavender, stars already scattering like the milky way. I look at the faint silver white moon just peeking over a purple cloud, as if teasing the Earthlings with its beauty. I wonder what it's like to beautiful like that. I feel something in my pocket, and I look at my phone as it vibrates. It's a text from Sano.

 _kenshin, u there, dude?_

 **wat now?**

 _yahiko's got the kush. we're under the bridge near u._

 **idk. can't make it. dont feel well.**

 _aw come on kenshin! we need u there. we're bored. #kyotosucks_

 **stop using hashtags, they make u sound like a dick.**

 _if u wanna call me a dick, better come here so you can say that to my face, fucker_

I smirk and shake my head at his nonsense.

 **fine. give me 10.**

 _don't be late!_

It's gotten colder, so I put on a cheap brown leather jacket, which I lovingly call Ol' Trusty. She and I go way back. Coming into the underpass of the bridge, all is dark except an orange glow in the distance, accredited by a burning trash can. Surrounding it were my good friends Sanosuke, Yahiko, Megumi, and even sweet miss Kaoru. Misao is still missing in action, and then I see another figure that I could not make out. Is that Arai? Or maybe someone else. He or she or it is smoking a cigarette a bit further away from the group. Yahiko is passing off a joint to Megumi and she takes a hit, and as soon as I come closer, they all perk up at my arrival. I hope Yahiko's got the good shit tonight. I need to get away from my head tonight. I have a feeling I'll otherwise have a difficult time falling asleep. Despite their best to cover up, I could tell, that the only thing that could keep us warm tonight was the lit trash can.

This is why Soujiro doesn't belong with us.

This is why.

The gang exchanges hellos with me and curiousity got the best of me, so I point my chin to the direction of the shadowy figure, "Who's that?"

And the figure turns around, eyes glowing sapphire with a smoldering smile.

* * *

 _Hey, so what'd you guys think? :D It got a lot longer than I planned but I'm really happy with this, so please, give this a like, or a comment, or a favorite, and I'll immediately work on the second chapter. Thanks and have a great weekend!_


	2. Million Eyes

_Author's note: Hey guys! Welcome to the second chapter. :D I am announcing that I made changes to the previous chapter, such as changing Soujiro's eye color LOL. I don't want him to remind you all of my OC villian, Ohta Bokkai, so I changed it to a regular blue. Now, to answer your reviews individually cause I know that's another reason why you fellas keep coming back for more. ;)_

 ** _Also, I don't know why, but I posted an eye emoji in the first chapter and it went through... but for some reason, I can't do that again with this chapter. I was gonna post a rabbit emoji, and do that for all the other chapters, as a way of symbolizing all of Kenshin's inner dialogues with what is happening between him and Soujiro. Ugh. This is so annoying. But yeah._**

 _Chimerical: Yeah, this fic is alternative universe and the characters will be OOC for the most part. It'll be good for me to experiment with different writing stories. But not to worry! My next KenJiro will be a normal one within the Meiji Era time period, and things won't be so jarring anymore, LOL._

 _Cannibal Corncob: Yeah, oh dear, I hope the cussing doesn't make my reviewers too unhappy. :( Because I'm trying to make it as modern as possible, and plus these kids are all frustrated over the hand they've been dealt with in life, so they won't be using any pretty words while they're alive. Can you imagine Soujiro being molested by everyone, though? Kenshin's gonna have to use his number 2 pencil as a sword to defend him, LMAO!_

 _Daemon Spawn: I'm fucking loling cause I totally understand what you're saying about the Lion King 2 song. FOR SHAME! That scene was intense. Poor Kovu. It's hard to determine the real background of Kenshin, because I really can't seem to find any information as to why he looks... like... that. And your story about your Spanish friend is super funny, actually, people from Spain are white on the basis that Spain is in the continent of Europe. :P_

 _Bone Deep: IIIIIIII really need to watch that show now that you've summarized it so eloquently! :O Thank you! And I changed it, Soujiro's eyes are no longer pale and fugly. :P_

 _Internets4Porn: This is a really beautiful review to read, honey. I was smiling ear to ear when I read the e-mail notification and your review was in it. I feel so... so damn inspired to write as much as possible from now on! I think this will be a very fun fic for me to write, indeed!_

 _I8Pi: So, when I imagine a teenage Kenshin in a modern era, I just can't see him with the scar because of the story behind it. There are fanart illustrations and even actual stills of a young Kenshin when he was a teenager fighting in the war, and he doesn't have the X shaped scar on his cheek yet. This was before he met Tomoe, as I understand it. His eyes in this fic are purple. And always rolling over other people's stupidity, lmao. Um, I'll think about it, "Battousai" sounds like a great nickname but I'll need a scene to implement it smoothly into it._

 _Alumina: I'm fucking screaming over your review. Game of Thrones? More like Game of Boners, amirite?_

 _Without further ado, here's the next act! Enjoy!_

* * *

 **Million Eyes**

 _"Drowning,  
I'm drowning in that clown's mask."_

 _\- Loïc Nottet_

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I open my eyes, grunting softly. I didn't dream last night, but I could still feel the eyes lurking within the depths of my mind. I wonder what it means. I wonder what anything really means anymore. What time is it? Did I accidentally turned off my alarm last night? It should be Tuesday morning.. right? The ceilings above me, still cracked and peeling, appears a little different than yesterday, for some reason. I blinked, frowning, suspicious. Huh? Is it morning or is it still in the twilight time sequence?

My entire room is lit in a soft periwinkle glow, so I know it's not time to get up yet for at least a couple of more hours. I move my hand steadily to cover my forehead in some vague attempt to rub my eyes, and instead just let it lie there, dozing off. Okay, I think I remember now. I was there under the bridge with my friends―

"Yo, Kenshin, I hope you didn't mind, but since the other guys couldn't make it.." Sanosuke's voice seem to have swam away into the water that runs alongside of the bridge, because all I could focus were the cyan eyes peering into the crooks of my soul. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. I couldn't be sentient or human like in the very least. Soujiro Seta, of the motherfucking Seta Enterprise, stands in front of me like he's got me all figured out. He's here with my friends, in my own territory, in MY private world.

Who are you?

I ask those blue eyes.

Who do you think you are?

Those blue eyes answer with just a wink.

I snap back to reality, recoiling in mild disgust at that display from Soujrio. The gang walks up to us and I turn to them, unable to find the words to just how disappointed I am in them. They should know better than to let this kid into our inner circle so easily. We can't just let anyone come into our party without the new person proving themselves to us. Soujiro didn't prove shit, so there's no way that my friends, whom I've known for twelve years now, could just let this idiot in.

There's just no way.

I won't believe it.

I won't!

"Why is he here?" I confront my confused friends, my hands on my hips in a fit of impatience, "Well?!"

Sanosuke answered first with a shrug, "He gave Megumi his phone number after he brought her and Kaoru the shoes, and they really wanted to see him again, so.."

"He was just, like, really nice to me and Kaoru and it's just so unusual to be treated so kindly like that, and I'm not just talking about these shoes. But well, take a look at them and tell me you're not dying on the inside over how gorge they look on us!" Megumi twirls on her toes and I see their slick new kicks, adorned in silver straps and finished in a high black shine. They really do look expensive.

"We're really sorry, Kenshin. Things kind of just happened." Kaoru butts into the conversation, and although I am pretty pissed at my friends in general, looking at her small stature, I soften inwardly.

"Hey, hey, check out what this guy gave me today!" Yahiko nudges in and comes over to my side to show me his mobile phone, where he has this photo of his new glass bong on the screen display. It is a deep, navy blue with glitter all over it, and it looks equally as expensive as the girls' shoes, "Doesn't that shit look so awesome?!"

"Yeah, I mean, come on, even Soujiro pre-ordered my helment and I should be getting it in a couple of days. Harley Davidson." Sanosuke grins like a stupid little child knowing what he's already going to get this Christmas. My eyebrow twitches.

"Well, I'm sure really fucking happy for all of you getting what you want, but I thought we were way too proud to accept free handouts from the likes of him!" I point my thumb over my shoulder at Soujiro.

Soujro then takes it upon himself to finally come up next to me and smile generously, "Dear me, I sure am sorry that I didn't get you anything, Himura. I didn't want to assume things about you and get you something that you wouldn't like. So I figured I'd come hang out with you tonight, and get to know you a little more, so that I can get you the perfect gift. Is that alright?"

I scoff, bristled over his total arrogance.

"Where is Misao? Wasn't she supposed to be here tonight?" I change the subject, not wanting to let him get the better of me tonight.

Yahiko responds with a flick of his eyes upward, "Aoshi's back in town."

I hesitate, stunned at the news, "What? Shinomori? He's back? He just moved back here in Kyoto?"

"Yeah, didn't he text you? Well, anyway, yeah, he's probably with Misao and you know how devastated she got when he had to go away for university. The girl's got it bad for him!" Megumi chuckles while checking out her manicure casually.

"I'm actually happy that he's back here, he was always really nice to me and to us." Kaoru sighs with a reminiscing smile.

"He sounds nice. I'd like to meet him sometime." Soujiro quips, "Did you knew him for a long time, Kenshin?"

I ignored him, so Sano fills in for me, "Yeah. Aoshi was his first best friend before I moved in here over a decade ago. We hung out almost every day, the three of us, and he was a couple of years older than us, so we saw him as our older brother. Misao always had feelings for him but he never looked her way. Tragic."

"That's why she never let me pork her!" Yahiko gasps exasperatedly, "It all makes sense, now!"

"Shut up." Sanosuke sneers and even Megumi rolls her eyes disappointingly alongside with him.

"Hey, pass me that joint," I point to said object that rests in Kaoru's hand, "I think I'll go home after a buzz."

"Why?" Kaoru hands me the joint anyway, albeit with some hesitation.

I take a hit and taking my time with letting the smoke swim in my lungs and exhaling, I said, "It's nothing. I'm just worried about Hiko and need to check up on him."

Everyone is silent because they knew. They know about my step-father's alcoholism and how he lost his job some years back because of it. They always thought of him fondly, but seeing the damage he's done on me, they've grown distant with him as well. Even their parents know of him and yet, they never make me feel ashamed over that fact alone. If I ever need a place to crash or a meal to eat when Hiko couldn't provide, their parents would lovingly take me in, even if they have so many other issues to worry about. I don't try to annoy them with my shitty problems too much, but it's nice to know that I'm not completely abandoned in the face of my step-father's and my birth parents' choices.

"Hiko.." Soujiro repeats his name as if he knew him from before, "Is he your dad? Is something the matter with him?"

Everyone else looked at Soujiro like he's gone off his rocket, and I turn to him, obviously offended, "That's none of your fucking business. You and me are worlds apart and you will never step foot into my life or in my issues. My problems aren't your fucking problems, capiche?"

Despite my callous behavior, Soujiro doesn't flinch, nor does he appear intimidated by me, and without missing a beat, he shakes his head, "I was hoping you could stick around. I was going to tell your buddies about me. Since, you know, you were rightfully suspicious of some new kid who suddenly brought all your friends fancy gifts without knowing the first thing about himself.. right?"

My glare softens into a confused look, "I.. Yeah..?"

Where is he going with this?

What is this snake up to now?

Soujiro simply takes the joint from my grasp to take a hit before I could even realize what just happened, "You wouldn't have guessed it just by looking at me, but I too hate my father for many reasons, as well. He's far from perfect and I sometimes don't like him at all. Money can't buy you real happiness."

Sanosuke snorts, "Yeah right, like the fuck it can't!"

"It hella brought me and Kaoru happiness today!" Megumi squeals, earning my disgust.

Soujiro exhales smoke to the side and he looks really serious now all of a sudden, "I'm not kidding. It buys you things, and maybe experiences that you otherwise couldn't afford before. But it can't buy you what really matters."

"Oh?" I challenge him, crossing my arms defiantely, "And what exactly really matters in life, oh great sama?"

"Ooooh, this is gonna be good!" Yahiko takes the joint from Soujiro while the blue eyed boy looks at me sternly.

Soujiro's eyes squint at me, challenging me back, "Tell me something, Kenshin, are you always this insufferable, or did someone had to beat you senseless until you became like that?"

The crowd coos in union, and I laugh, "That's a good one! Did they teach you that in finishing school?"

"At least I was trained correctly; when's the last time someone curbed you and taught you to stop shitting on the street?" Soujiro's curl of his lip seemed mocking and contemptous, and I bite the insides of my cheek to keep myself from doing something I will regret.

Like, I don't know. Beating him to a bloody pulp?

"Guys, knock it off already!" Kaoru finally speaks up to break up the fight, "People can hear us and they will call the cops!"

"Aw, come on, Kaoru, let them rip each others' throats out, they'll feel better afterwards!" Yahiko finishes up the joint and flicks it off into the river next to us, the orange embers glowing against black waters.

"I've got a better idea," I start walking on ahead of the group, "I'll just go on home immediately. Goodnight."

"Aw jeez, come on, Kenshin!" I hear Sanosuke groan, "We were just kidding!"

"What if Aoshi and Misao shows up here later? Don't you want to say hi to him, at the very least?" Megumi questions, obviously trying to get me to stop walking away despite my continuous departure.

And then, I hear it. That fucking sound from Soujiro's lips: A low sigh, a sigh that conveys absolute annoyance of my actions. The sound perfected by mothers everywhere.

I stop at that moment and my group hums quizzically at what I'll do next. I hate that there's already a shift in the dynamics of my group thanks to Soujiro's prescence. I don't feel like I'm a part of them anymore, but just as an outsider commenter while the real star of the show, cladded in rich fabrics and enjoying glossy hair, gets to receive all of their love and attention. It's just not fair, but that's how life goes for the rich and famous. Everybody just fucking caters to you, no questions asked. I glare over my shoulder at that brown haired idiot, and Soujiro's expression hardens in return. We really don't like each other, do we?

Well. Good.

That's the way it should be.

"If Aoshi does come here later, give him my number," I turn my head straight on again, "He can text me and we can all make plans for the weekend."

Despite the group protesting for my return, I continue on walking away, throwing a peace sign with my two fingers to bid them adieu. I desperately need to get away from this madness. I hate that nothing makes any logical sense right now. I need to get back inside my cocoon. By the time I got home, Hiko's already in bed and probably drunk again, so I just slip inside my bed covers to rest. Maybe if I wake up tomorrow, the universe will align itself to its natural rhythm again, and Soujiro will be long gone from our lives. I would want nothing more than that.

I wonder what Aoshi is up to now.

 _Vrr vrr!_

I jolt into the present moment inside my bed, and without turning my head, reach out to my night stand to grab my mobile phone. It's a text message from an unknown number, but I think I already know who it is.

 **Kenshin. It's Aoshi. Long time no see.**

 _I see people, but I don't see humanity._

 **Philosophical as always. I guess you never outgrew your niche interests.**

 _And I guess you never outgrew Misao either, hm?_

 **Touche. She grew up nicely thanks to you hooligans. She didn't caused too much trouble, did she?**

 _no way. If anything, we caused her lots of bullshit and grief._

 **Even to her bunny rabbit?**

 _Jesus. I can't believe you still remember._

 **I've always liked rabbits ever since the two of us helped Misao take care of her rabbit. I think the rabbit is supposed to represent vulnerability.**

 _that's... so... not interesting at all. snore._

 **Ha ha. Fine, then.**

 _When did you came back to Kyoto, btw? it seems so sudden._

 **Sudden, indeed. Just the other day, actually. Then I called Misao to hang out.**

 _I think the other guys would love to see you too._

 **What are you doing this weekend? I think a housewarming party is in order. I moved into a nice complex.**

 _LOL! Okay._

 **What?**

 _Nothing. I just don't want to think about money or nice things right now._

 **Mm. Something's up. What's wrong?**

 _New kid moved in to that nice neighborhood near you. You know the Seta Enterprise, right?_

 **No shit?**

 _Way shit. CEO's son going to our school now._

 **O wow. That's crazy.**

 _And now he's assimilated himself into my group. OUR group. He waves his money around and it's driving me nuts!_

 **I'd like to meet him. Well, my foot would like to meet his ass.**

 _Easy there. Don't want to spend another night in jail, now do you?_

 **Ha. Of course. But I'll text you later with my new address. Got shit to do now. C u.**

I lay my phone aside again and find myself surprised that it's already almost time to get up. I think I'll make myself an actual breakfast for once. I'm in the mood for some stir fried tofu. I switch off my alarm and walk out of my bedroom and into my bathroom to start my morning ritual. After I got myself dressed in some Levi jeans, combat boots, a black short sleeved shirt, and a worn out leather jacket, I slap on a navy blue beanie hat and go into the kitchen to start cooking. Maybe the smell will wake up Hiko. He's not sprawled out on the living room couch nor do I seem him anywhere else. Is he still asleep? He's usually up right around now. Whatever. Focus, Kenshin.

I make my breakfast, the room filling up with a delicious scent. And it worked: Hiko's heavy footsteps is heard from behind me, and without turning around, I salute to him with a snarl, "Up so late again, I see! I made you food."

I won't lie. I feel a tiny glee inside my heart that Hiko is still.. here. Alive.

I hear Hiko slumping down on the kitchen chair and grumbling in his hands, "God, my head.."

"You drank again."

"Actually, I haven't. I caught up with an old friend of mine after my job interview. They said they're going to check in with their boss today to see if I can work for them."

I finally turn around to look at him, "Huh? Who?"

He waves his hand away, "You don't remember this person. He's a friend from the police academy far away from here. He wants to help."

I lick my bottom lip, thinking and humming, "So then.."

"Hmm?" Hiko slips one eye open while resting his chin on his hand, "The food's burning."

I scowl at my own stupidity and turn back to turn off the stove and grab the handle of the frying pan away from the heat, black smoke going up and into the ventilation system meanwhile. The tofu doesn't seem too scorched, thankfully, so I gather two plates to place the breakfast on them before I place one in front of Hiko and the other to myself. He digs in quietly, his eyes closed but somehow I can feel an intensity behind shut lids that he's concentrating on something. Something incredibly important, perhaps something that can really help change things around here. I wonder how legitimate this old pal of his really is, and if they can really help us out of this mess we've created for so many years now.

I don't believe in magical beings or in deities, so what good is believing in a mortal?

As Hiko drives me to school, I contemplate telling him about Soujiro, but decide against it. In the midst of his job hunting and getting his drinking under control, the last thing he needs is to worry about his teenage son's melodrama on top of it all. I need him to get sober and I need him to get employed again, so that we can be a normal family again. Not a perfect family, but fuck it, a functional family shouldn't be too much to ask! And so I swallow my frustrations down to my lungs, and let the oxygen suffocate my struggles internally. Hiko's problems are Hiko's problems, and my issues are just my own to face. There's just no point getting him involved in this Seta non sense.

Hiko was a fine private detective, in a way, when he was a police officer back then. He was really good at researching and connecting the clues to the final conclusion. But if I get him to look up the Seta family, he'll ask me a million why's and I just can't afford the drama. God knows I already have enough bullshit to deal with as it is. Best thing to do, then, is to just look this guy up on my own, and get some allies involved. Allies that Soujiro hasn't already brought off from me yet, allies that can look past his whimsical nature and his perfect smile.

Hmph. His perfect smile.

Speak of the devil.

"Kenshin," Soujiro leans away from the locker next to the homeroom door once he sees me coming in, "Can we talk for a minute? I think I've said some things last night that I shouldn't have and I just wanted to apologize. Is that alright?"

I stare at him boredly, "It's going to take something harsher than a few mean words to hurt me. Not to mention, it's going to take something more than your petty apologies in order for me to forgive you. And I don't mean gifts or money, either."

He nods, agreeing with me so, "I completely get it. I was way out of line since the very first day. I am more than happy to do whatever it takes for you to feel more comfortable around me whenever I talk with your friends. We're getting along really well, and we had tons of fun last night. I don't want to lose them as my friends already, and they want you to feel better, too. They missed you when you were gone. I can tell who's the real leader and that's definitely you, Kenshin."

My eyes tighten at him, taking a moment just staring him down before my arms wrap themselves around myself defensively, "I'll think about it. The one thing I need from you is to leave me alone for the rest of today. Got it?"

"Of course." Soujiro tilts his head to the side, "Tell me, I was wondering, who is taking care of you? I hope it's not a strange question, but you seemed negative on the subject of your father and I'm curious about that."

"Step father," I correct him, "He's my step father. I don't know my real father at all, or if he's even alive anymore."

His eyes widen a little and his smile fades away, "And your mother?"

"She's no longer with us. She's dead."

His head comes into a normal, upright position, but his sad expression continues on, "Oh. Kenshin.. I'm.. I'm really.. really sorry to hear about that. I can't even imagine going through that pain."

Why did I just told him something so personal about myself like that? He didn't deserve to know that about me. How did he do that? I gape at him, feeling stupidly and unaware of what to reply to his sentiment. The way he said all of that.. somehow feels really genuine this time. Which says a lot, considering his fake niceness that he's displayed ever since he got here yesterday. But.. Do I trust him? Is he truly sorry about my sad history? Or is this all a ruse to get something out of me later on? Will he use this information against me when he needs to bring me down under? What about him? What's his story? Is it as sad as mine? Pathetic like Sanosuke's? Endlessly poor like Yahiko's?

Is he like us?

Is he like myself?

Soujiro clears his throat, and I blink, snapping out of it. I close my eyes before asking, "What about you? Your mother, I mean."

I open my eyes again to see his expression change. His smirk and his furrowed brows are tainted with sadness still, and looking from the side, he whispers, "She's dead and long gone, too. She was so very sick, and so very beautiful. I'm still so angry at how it all happened. My father should have done more.. way more than I know he could have."

What is this? This pain I feel inside of my chest? I hesitate, blinking rapidly at what I'm hearing, "How did she died?"

He shakes his head slowly, as if it's still hard to believe after all of this time, "Leukemia. My father was having an affair while she was in the hospital. Bastard."

I feel myself visibly weakened by this news, quickly connecting to what he told me last night under that bridge: _"You wouldn't have guessed it just by looking at me, but I too hate my father for many reasons, as well. He's far from perfect and I sometimes don't like him at all. Money can't buy you real happiness."_

Money can't buy you real happiness.

Of course.

We were quiet, just the two of us standing alone in that hallway. Homeroom will start soon and the teacher will be here in any minute, and we'll be in trouble if we're caught hanging around here once the bell rings. But I don't care for any of that at all. Standing in front of me, is a young boy of eighteen years, who probably is trying his hardest to make friends through some very awkward, and clumsy might I add, ways that could raise some eyebrows. Like mines. Or anyone else who might be older and more aware of the dangers of trusting strangers. But I don't see a creepy stranger or a serial killer or any of such dark imagery. I just see someone broken and trying his best to conceal that. I see.. I see vulnerability.

Like Hiko reaching out for help.

Like Misao's rabbit.

The bell rips my thoughts open and I blink my daze away, seeing Soujiro simply opening the door to let me in. He looks at me with a small smile, a tired smile, and I don't have it in me to give him any attitude right now. Not especially since his weighty confession. I just nod to thank him silently, walking past him and catching the faintest whiff of his cologne. Or maybe it's an after shave. Never the less, it's a clean, subtle smell. I can't really describe it, but it sure beats the cheap crap that Hiko buys from the pharmacy store. I actually like it a lot, if I had to be really honest for a moment here. I don't like to give compliments to someone already so privileged like Soujiro, but I think he just smells really nice. No harm in admitting certain things.

The rest of the day drags on like an elusive dream. Time seemed to blur into one continuous stretch of shapes moving into my line of vision, the inaudible mumbles of teachers talking about the class subjects at hand, and the only thing that my eyes could really sharpen and focus on? Was the slim brown haired boy sitting beside or in front of me during these classes. I'm starting to take mental notes of his little habits that he would do throughout the day: the way he takes his pencil and chews the eraser in between his teeth, or the way he writes down everything the teachers would say, or how delicate his action of placing some of his hair behind his ear. I'll even watch, in some bored manner, of the way he shuffles his feet or cross his ankles together, wondering if he is aware of his fidgeting or if it's some nervous tick he has.

Soujiro Seta.

You're so fucking weird.

I still don't like you.

The last class, my most favorite class, Introduction to Philosophy, ending with the teacher sharing with me my missing assignments that I should easily complete over the weekend. It's a project that will be due next Monday, so I still have time to research and write a five page report on my findings, and we share e-mail details. Mrs Motoki is not like the other female teachers, who all think they're such hot shit for trying to rehabilitate problem students such as myself. She's gentle yet level headed, providing me all the academic space in the world to figure out her lessons as we go. Philosophy, she said, is a lifelong learning experience. There are no deadlines to it, no linear repercussions to fear. Only time. I like that way of thinking, actually.

Walking out of her classroom to be done for the day, I find myself surprised to find Soujiro waiting for me, leaning against the lockers with the same smile as earlier today. The same sad, tired smile, and I find myself wondering if he hadn't slept well last night. What could be keeping him up during the night? Well, who knows, and who cares, right? I feel determined to ignore him and pretend that I didn't see him, turning to the left to walk down the hallway with the rest of the traffic. I guess it doesn't matter how hard I try to pretend he doesn't exist, because in just a few seconds, I can feel him walking shoulder to shoulder with me. The smell of his after shave. His wide, curious eyes staring at me.

I wish I can say that he's the ugliest thing on Earth to me.

But he's not and that irritates me.

"Going home?" Soujiro inquires briskly, which confuses me somewhat.

What's he in a hurry for?

I don't look at him but I respond dryly, "Duh."

"What? What about your homework assignments? I can help you catch up, y'know."

"I don't need any help. I can do it at home."

"Are you sure about that?"

I stop walking and he stops just a step ahead of me, looking over his shoulder at me with some concern. I glare at him, my hands forming into fists to take reign of my rising temper, "Don't baby me, alright? I said I can take care of myself. I'm a lot more intelligent than you think!"

Some students walk on beside us and start to look on with interest, wondering what all the fuss is about. Soujiro just smiles at them awkwardly while I shoot them a callous look that only makes them walk faster in embarrassment, hiding their reddening faces. He then comes up in front of me and puts his hands on his hips with authority, and with a smartly arched eyebrow, he says, "Okay. Prove it. Prove to me just how smart Kenshin Himura is by coming to the library with silly ol' Soujiro Seta. As the straight A student of his previous high school, I insist on this challenge."

I grit my teeth, "You don't give up, do you?"

He shrugs with a comical flair, "If that were true, I'd be a high school drop out right about now."

I roll my eyes with an aggravated sigh, "Look, I appreciate your concern, but just because we had a little 'Good Will Hunting' moment together, it doesn't make us good friends all of a sudden. And I already just said that I can do the damn homework assignments at home. Who even goes to the library anymore? Back off."

"Yeah, but imagine the opportunities and all the great schools that will beg for you to come to their campuses after you graduate from here. All the big names and the glamour that comes with having a fancy degree on your wall. Can you imagine how proud your step-father Hiko will feel when he learns that you'll bring pride to the family name?"

I look at him, totally deadpan. I'm not buying it.

Soujiro's smile falters for a second, but comes back with more enthusiasm, "Come on, join me! I promise you won't regret it when I can raise your grade point average to a perfect score in just a few months time!"

"Oh?" I cross my arms, now curious, "Is that so? Why should I trust a complete stranger to helping me with that?"

"Kenshin, I'm not a stranger anymore! I've met your friends, I've told you something about myself, and we see each other during classes. You know me by now, right?"

I still don't buy it, my lids lowering on my eyes to convey my lack of appreciation. Soujiro deflates a little dramatically, which I admit, does look pretty funny and I hide my smirk.

"Fine, Kenshin. Can we at least exchange e-mail addresses or better yet, our phone numbers so that we can work on the homework assignments together?"

I start laughing, "Whoa ho hoooo! You're not getting my details right off the bat just like that, y'hear? You're gonna have to try a little harder to convince me if you want it so badly, alright?"

He pouts, "Fine. Do you want to maybe have a late lunch with me somewhere? I'll pay."

I simply show his face my open palm as I walk past him, "Goodbye, Soujiro. Go be a little creep some where else."

I know I'm hard on him. Maybe a little too hard on him. Even though the moment we shared today, right along with all these lockers surrounding us, felt intimate in some way, I still refuse to let my guard down so easily. It's going to take me more time and more convincing that he's not out to get me, somehow. And if he really cared about what I think or how I feel, he needs to respect my personal space while I get to know him little by little. If he can't do that, then I can snatch his hat off his head to reveal the true monster that he really is. A monster who doesn't care about anyone else except himself. When children fear them, it's the adults' jobs to keep them far away from society as possible.

I think I'll visit Misao today. Maybe Aoshi is still with her.

I see Hiko's truck parked next to the curb when I leave the school building. Walking up, his window rolls down and he looks even more.. well, normal, than usual. He doesn't look hung over, or depressed, or like he got ran over by a bear. I think he even shaved his face today. He looks really good, for a raging alcoholic. I lean over the edge of the open window and look around the interior of the car, expecting to find beer bottles or cans or any clues that he's been out drinking. But it's all clean and nothing seems out of place. I blink, looking at him with a confused frown. He beams.

"Ready to go home, son?" Hiko asks in a sing song voice.

"Actually.."

We arrive on the other side of the town, just a fifteen minute drive west from the school. The neighborhood looks poor and run down, and stopping in front of one in particular, I see a black and white cat pouncing up on a window sill to look at us with suspicious green eyes. Must be one of Misao's many rescued pets or something. I haul myself out of the truck and slam the door, walking myself around it to go up to the small set of stairs of the front porch. I hear Hiko rolling down his window and calling out to me, "Hey, when will you be home tonight? I'm making my special dinner, the one you like so much!"

I face him from over my shoulder, "I don't know, but I'll definitely be home after you eat, I guess. I have homework to do, anyway. Can I borrow your laptop once I'm home?"

It feels.. nice.. to just be cordial with my step dad for once.

Hiko looks a little surprised at my lack of mood swings or my usual shitty attitude, but he nods humbly, "Alright. Take the train back home, it goes way faster than by car."

I only respond with a casual smile before heading up to Misao's door, hearing Hiko driving off meanwhile. It doesn't take long before the door swings open and I see Misao nearly jumping on top of me, squealing and wrapping her thin arms around my neck as I become flabbergasted. I hold onto her waist to keep us both on balance, and she lands on her heels and looks into my eyes, "Kenshin, he's here! Aoshi's here and I'm about ready to die from happiness!"

I tilt my head, "You mean he never left your house?"

She giggles, "Nah, he went home after he visited me last night. My mom's still working but you can come in, if you like. Wanna say hi to my bunny wabbit?"

I ignore her bastardization of the word rabbit and let myself into her complex, taking off my shoes and leaving it with the rest of the shoes lined up next to the door. The small house feels nice and warm from the fireplace in the living room, and they're lucky that their heating system all around seem above average for the kind of income that they have. Misao's mother is a single mom who works as a waitress, after her father died from a heroin overdose. She's an only child, so she and her mother are super close friends, in some ways. They're more like sisters than mother and daughter, sharing each other's makeup and dating tips like overly giddy school girls. I like her mom, though. She's really laid back and knows how to have fun without breaking the law.

She works a lot, to compensate for not having the dual income that would otherwise keep the family afloat. I wonder if she's dating around or if she's just given up on men entirely. I wonder what she thinks of Aoshi.

"Heeeere's Mister Cuddles!" Misao broadly turns on the light in her bed room, the floor an absolute mess with her cosmetics, homework, and books lying everywhere. I could hardly see where the damn floor is. But on her night stand, lays the huge cage where her white rabbit flinches upward to look at us. His pupils dilate once the light is turned on, but then they return to normal and he starts to sniff the ground to see if he can scavenger for some food. I carefully walk through the war zone of Misao's messy room and bend on my knees to look at Cuddles closely, admiring his flickering ears. Misao's had this little runt for ages now. When we were just children, in fact. She got it from the animal shelter when we were both twelve and Aoshi was fifteen years old. He was the one who taught us how to feed Cuddles and what to do when he got sick.

"He got big." I stated matter of factually, hearing Misao humming in agreement.

"I texted Aoshi today to see if he can swing by later on and hang out with us for a bit. My mom will be home late, but we can order takeout for dinner if you want."

"No need. I have to get home to do homework." I stick my finger carefully in between the metal bars, the rabbit sniffing it with marked curiosity.

"Lame!" Misao slams her back on her bed and starts texting on her mobile phone immediately, "I'll just let Aoshi know to get here as soon as possible. You two have a lot to catch up on!"

"Sure." I retract my finger in time before I could sense that Mr Cuddles would like a piece of my finger, chuckling to myself at his befuddled expression. The rabbit represents vulnerability, just like Aoshi said. If I could assign an animal to all of us, I think we'd make a great circus act. I could very easily see Sanosuke as an aggressive chicken, and Yahiko as a zen like turtle waddling peacefully into still waters. Misao could very well be a cat, or a mouse, and Kaoru could be a swan, graceful and full of love for her friends. Megumi can be a chihuahua for all the fucks I give, honestly. Aoshi could very well be a stern ox or a dark horse riding in someone else's dreams. Maybe I am the rabbit, and maybe Soujiro is the fox I must flee from.

Soujiro.

Conniving, sneaky, fiendish little fox.

"Aoshi says he'll be here in a few minutes!" Aoshi sits crossed legged and looks down at me with a glossy smile, "Oh my gosh, you know what I'm in the mood for? A karaoke night with all of us on Friday night. Or maybe even tomorrow. Whatever, basically as soon as possible would be great!"

"Do the others know?"

"Not yet. I just thought it up just now."

"I don't know. I have so much work to catch up on from school.."

"Aww, come on, Kenshin! You're always so much fun when you DON'T think about school!" Misao now drapes herself all over her bed and her hands are within reach of my ponytail to drag her long fingernails through it, "Besides, Soujiro even told me that he'd love to help you with it if you weren't such a dick to him."

I scoff, "Yeah right! What does he know?"

"I don't know, but he said he was really amazing with his previous school and I totally believe him. He said he can make you turn into a straight A student if you would just give him a chance."

I grab the base of my ponytail as a way of warning her to stop touching me, and she takes her hand back on command, "Like I said, what does he know? He has no idea what I go through, and I can do this shit on my own."

"Yeah, but―"

I interrupt her with a death glare, and that was the end of it. She promptly shuts herself up and just rests her forehead in the nook of her elbow, probably frustrated over my stubbornness. Good. I don't care. I turn back to the rabbit, who is now in the corner bathing himself, how strange his movements are in comparison to human beings. All rabbits have to do is lick their paws and then rub it all over themselves, meanwhile I have to be sure I don't slice my throat open every time I have to shave my face. How deliciously idle a rabbit's life seems to me. I feel myself dazing off, not really hearing Misao leaving the room, or the front door opening and shutting and the footsteps of a new visitor coming in.

"Himura."

The smooth, dark voice shakes me from my daydream and I turn around to see Aoshi in the flesh after two long years. I gape at him, slowly getting up from my seating to go over where he stands, and his serious expression does not shift or soften one bit. Good ol' Aoshi. I smile, nodding in recognition. His eyes flicker over to the cage behind me, the rabbit leaning against the bars with its two front paws, like he knows Aoshi personally and have kept in contact after all this time. His eyes connect with mines and he finally speaks, "It's been a while."

"It has."

Aoshi takes it upon himself to sit down on the edge of Misao bed, who just prances into the bedroom with the air of a little girl who just entered Disney World. She plops down next to Aoshi and starts shaking his shoulder like a child, "Aoshi, can you please tell Kenshin he needs to let Soujiro help him with his homework? I really want him to come with us to karaoke night, puh-leeease?"

"Hm?" Aoshi looks to me now, "Falling behind again? I taught you better than that. Looks like you will have to subject yourself to Soujiro's grip if you ever want to make Misao happy again."

"And the rest of your friends!" Misao blurts out, her cheeks pinched pink from her outburts.

I roll my eyes, "Fine. When is this karaoke night thing?"

I really don't want to go nor do I really enjoy singing, but I do like being there for my friends when they need me there.

"We can do it tonight, actually," Aoshi checks his watch, "It's only four in the afternoon. If we all hurry and meet up at the building, we should be done in time for you to go home and study."

I balk at him, "Tonight?! No way! I really need to get home as soon as possible, I can't afford to waste my time when so much is due next week!"

"And that's why Soujiro will help you out, Kenshin!" Misao smiles smugly to herself, "I already gave him all your deets. Your e-mail address. Your phone number. Your Facebook account―"

I am so close to grabbing her neck to wring it, but Aoshi simply pushes his fingers against my chest with a warning glare, and I could only stand there towering over the fucking idiot who gave away all of my power to Soujiro Seta. It's not like I would seriously harm Misao, but damn, she at least deserves a spanking or something! How dare she do that without my permission? Now Soujiro can find me and contact me whenever he pleases! Damn it all to hell! My temper flares and then it cools down, my hands lowering to my sides carefully, and Aoshi takes his fingers back. He's really protective of Misao, isn't he?

I knew I had to ask.

"So.." My eyes shift back and forth between them, "Are you guys, like.. dating, or..?"

Misao nods soundly, grinning like a fucking moron. Aoshi could only look to the side, refusing to let me check if he's blushing or not.

"Wow. Congrats." I turn around to walk out of the bedroom to check what's in Misao's refrigerator down at the kitchen, "Took you guys long enough."

"Get us some strawberry sodas, will you?" Misao calls out, not demanding, but with a tone that I could actually appreciate. She seems so happy now that she gets to be with her dream man. I'm happy for her. She annoys me every now and then, but I have history with her, and I think her mom understands my struggle with living with a single step father. Her mom just gets it.

I refuse to let Soujiro take all of my lifelong friends away.

I come back with two cans of strawberry soda and got myself a bottle of beer, but Aoshi and Misao stands in the living room together with their jackets on. I hand them their drinks and Aoshi nods, "Let's go. The rest of the hooligans will meet us in the music building downtown."

"And do I have a surprise for you!" Misao grabs my arm and appears even more bubbly than usual, "Just you wait and see!"

...

 **"What the fuck!?"**

The entire gang huddle together in apparent fear over my mounting rage, all sitting on a long stretch red sofa in the studio room that is already rented out for use by none other than Soujiro Fucking Seta himself. Sanosuke, Megumi, Kaoru, Yahiko, Tsubame, and Misao, are all hanging onto each other for dear life as I force them to look into the fire and brimstone in my eyes. Aoshi and Soujiro, meanwhile, are sitting on the other side of the couch, sitting patiently and quietly ignoring my dramatic demeanor. While Aoshi's enjoying his mobile phone texting God knows who, Soujiro is drinking a cup of tea like he's the son of England. Very sweet and proper.

"Whose idea was this?" I try to keep my voice leveled, though my anger deceives the look in my eyes no doubt, the gang shrinking back further into the couch. Everybody then shoot their fingers right at Misao, who just glares at them and starts spitting fire in their direction.

"Thanks a lot, you guys!" Misao spits, and I take a deep breath to calm myself down.

"Don't worry yourself to death, Kenshin!" Soujiro pipes up happily, "I promise not to bother you tonight. Cross my heart!"

I give up. I plop down on the couch on the other side and just rest the back of my head against the wall behind me, not wanting to participate in the gang's decision over which song to start. I better not get in their way. If it can buy me time to just think about things inside my head peacefully, then I let them fight it out on their own. I don't come to karaoke nights often, maybe once a month, if that. But these guys can go two to three times a week because it's their escape from their shitty lives. I don't judge them for that. I know how it is. Just like drawing keeps me sane, just like playing my guitar keeps me calm, and just like daydreaming keeps me focusing on the bigger picture.. we all have something to help us get by.

Unlike Soujiro. He doesn't need anything to escape to. He has everything handed to him on a silver platter. His money keeps him safe. His social class keeps him happy. His high ranking academic scores keeps him on the road to even more success later in life. Maybe his mom really did die from Leukemia. Maybe his dad really did cheated on her when she needed her husband the most. Maybe he didn't get the latest mobile phone model yet. It doesn't matter when everything else in your life is picture perfect. Besides.. I actually think the sound of his story sounds a bit too.. I don't know.. Hollywood like?

It doesn't sound real. It's like he read it off of some script.

I wonder if he's lying about it?

I look at him from across the room, him smiling at my friends who are excitedly clamoring over the song that they all finally agree to sing together. He brought this huge room out for the night and it must've costed him a pretty penny, but he just buys it and he doesn't care about the cost. As long as it makes his new friends happy, he'll fish his wallet out for anything they could ever want or need. My eyes tighten harder at him, and then they swoop to my crossed arms in front of my chest. I wonder.. if I look him up later on Hiko's laptop tonight, that I could find something that won't look good on Soujiro Seta. Maybe he really did get kicked out of his academy, but why? Did he get in trouble? Did he destroyed their property or tried to get involved with a teacher twice his age? What's the story behind those blue eyes of his?

Who is Soujiro Seta?

I look up and caught him just in time, staring at me from the corner of his eyes, that smile that he had still there. But there's something behind those blue eyes, something sinister, nothing virtuous. Are those the eyes of an angel who want to help everyone else, or the eyes of a predator who only gives something good just to lure his victims in? Like a Venus fly trap. Elusive at a glance, but death is just around the corner if you come any closer. For the remainder of the night, I let my friends have their fun, participating only half of the time when they try to hand me the microphone to join their choir. When they eventually realized I wasn't singing loud enough, or quick enough to catch up with their pacing, they gave up, taunting me with good humor that if only my fingers could be as talented as my voice.

Soujiro perks up at that comment, "Fingers?"

"Kenshin can play the guitar."

"No way!"

I shut my eyes. All of my power is fading away.

He's winning. And it only took less than a few days.

Who is Soujiro Seta?

Who are you?

There's only one way to find out. And it's all on Hiko's laptop.

"I better go home now." I gather myself off of the couch and throw a small wave with my hand, my friends nodding and saying their goodbyes as well. Soujiro could only stare at me, blinking, his mouth slightly open as if he wanted to ask me about my guitar or my life or anything else. But I walk away before he had the chance to gather the courage to pull me into his fly trap, and I head down the stairs of the building until I come out from the back, lighting a cigarette for the long departure home.

Whatever. I'll take the train home.

I'm not going to let you win. Not this quickly. Not this easily.

You're mine.

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 _Vrr vrr_

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 _hey, it's soujiro. :-) will you be at the library tomorrow for study hall?_


	3. Army Of Me

_Author's note: Hi guys. :( I really want to apologize for not updating sooner. I'm going through a very difficult life situation right now, and it's getting in the way of my writing. Rest assured that another update will come on next Friday, and I hope this update will help kick start to a wonderful weekend. I'm so happy that you guys have not given up on me despite these bumps on the road. I'll explain everything soon, I promise. Enjoy this update meanwhile!_

* * *

 **Army Of Me**

 _"_ _You're on your own now  
_ _We won't save you  
_ _Your rescue squad  
_ _Is too exhausted."_

 _\- Björk_

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Ignore him. Ignore him. Ignore him.

Whatever you do.

Just ignore him.

That's what I did. That's what I said I did. That's what I planned to do today. It didn't matter that Soujiro texted me last night. It didn't matter if he was trying to vie for my attention during home room. It didn't even matter when he kept asking me during class periods whether he'll see me in the library today for study hall. I did a couple of homework assignments last night, but I definitely need to finish more for the upcoming week. It's Wednesday and the threat of the weekend is just looming over the mountains, if I had to describe it so eloquently. I hate being under pressure like this, and I was never one to care for my grade point average. But these days, looking at Soujiro being a complete twat to the whims of our teachers, answering their questions and always participating.. I suddenly feel the pinch of envy in my chest, knowing all the places he will go after high school.

And I can't blame it on his money or his celebrity status for that fact.

Soujiro's a great student. That's all his own doing. He'll pass with flying colors, and go to really nice universities. He'll do undergrad studies under shady oak trees, and go to extravagant summer trips backpacking across Europe, and so many other things that I could never be able to afford to. And again, it's not about the money. He worked hard for it. I didn't. So now when I see him bringing up the pop quizzes first out of everyone else in the class, or chatting up with the other bright students to share study tips.. I can't help but feel all sorts of bitterness inside my chest. You can't hate someone for being a hard worker. You just can't. So now, all I have left, is a salty lump in my neck that I can't seem to swallow it down.

And it hurts.

So, then, I can't really ignore him anymore.

I'll look for him in the library today.

Fuck my life.

The clock strikes one in the afternoon. There's a few periods left until the school day is over, and it's study hall for me and for Soujiro right now. Usually, seniors could study just about anywhere, so long they give the home room teacher the head's up. I didn't say anything to Mrs Kita, but I did saw Soujiro share a few private words and her eyes glaring at me from across the room, so I think I have some idea. The high school attached library is a really nice one, to be honest. It has updated computers for students to use, all the books that aren't from the years of Before Christ, and they even installed carpeted floors for an upgraded appearance. I walk in, book bag slung on one shoulder casually, and I see Soujiro sitting alone in this big round table and surrounded by these books and papers. He's scribbling something, his brilliant blue eyes concentrating. I blink and stroll on over. When he senses someone is coming nearer, he peers up from his paper and smiles. That prick inside my chest returns. I wonder how much it costs to buy a perfect smile like that.

"You came." He looks like he wanted to stand up from his seat, but decided against it.

I come around to sit down next to him, placing my book bag in the chair on my other side, "Yeah."

"What should we work on first? I'm looking at our class schedules as a reference, so maybe we should do the easier ones first? I don't exactly know which of these classes are your favorite, so I wondered if you could make a hierarchy out of them so that we can work from top to bottom."

I turn to look at the paper he was working on, and it's for our Biology class. Teacher wanted us to bring one worksheet with a single problem to solve. Ugh. Nothing can turn me off faster than that shit. My eyes glaze over to him and I answer sarcastically, "Oh yeah, Biology gets me rock hard out of all of them."

He rolls his eyes with a scoff, "Tell me about it. I hate this so much."

"What? Don't tell me!" I gasp mockingly, "The school's valedictorian sucks in the subject of science?"

He nods, "Yeah, I really don't like it. I much prefer humanities over this, and I also enjoy studying law. I was thinking of going to law school, but now I don't know."

"Shit, you mean you still haven't decided which major to pursue? Time's running out, kid." I place my hands behind my neck and lean on my chair back.

Soujiro blinks at me, "Have you decided what you wanted to study after you graduate?"

I snort, ignoring it.

But he persists, "So, you really don't care where you want to go after high school ends?"

"I mean.." I shrug slowly, cautiously, "I have plans. They're not extravagant like yours are, but.. I have plans."

"Care to tell me?"

I peek through one eye at him. Is he serious? I open my other one to sneer, "Beat it. Let's just do the homework so that I can get caught up and not get suspended."

He seem to liven up over hearing that, "Oh, don't you worry about that, Kenshin! We'll get you caught up and it'll be so easy, you'll nearly sleep your way with my help!"

Ugh.

"We'll see about that."

"Good. Now, care to tell me, of the nine period classes we have here, do you like from most to the least?" He hands me the paper he was working on and I look over it:

 **Homeroom ... Attendance**

 **1st Period** **...** **Japanese History**

 **2nd Period** **... Art 101**

 **3rd Period** **... Biology**

 **4th Period** **... Intermediate Mathematics**

 **5th Period** **... Study Hall**

 **6th Period** **... Lunch**

 **7th Period** **... Gym**

 **8th Period** **... Foreign Language (English)**

 **9th Period** **... Introduction to Philosophy**

"Uhhh," I arch an eyebrow and lean back slowly to ponder, "I would lie and pick a class, but really, lunch will always be my favorite."

Soujiro gives me an unimpressed, deadpan look, and I chuckle his way.

"Okay, okay!" I laugh harder and wave my hands in front of me in mock defense, "Um, philosophy is my most favorite of all, for sure. Art 101 is my second favorite, since my hands are relatively skilled for, well.. anything, really. And the teacher's bad ass as hell. Foreign language in English is certainly another one, and even though the teacher doesn't like me, she appreciates what I give in anyway. Japanese History comes in fourth, Intermediate Mathematics is okay for fifth, Gym is easy but it can suck my ass for all I care.. and then of course, Biology is my least favorite."

While I rank the classes, Soujiro has been placing numbers next to class names from 1 to 9, obviously ranking the non-essentials like homeroom and lunch and study hall as unimportant. Then it suddenly strikes me, why isn't someone so hard working and intelligent like Soujiro not taking the more harder classes than the ones shown here? Why would he take the same classes as I do, the school's most notorious and nefarious near-drop out? Right as Soujiro finishes his numbering, I cut in, "Hey, how come you aren't taking any of the college electives? Those will really cut down your hours spent in university once you graduate.. right?"

Soujiro's eyes seem to pulse at that question, and I catch it just in time. What was that? Did I struck a nerve? Or maybe even gold.. maybe I found out a little secret of his. My eyes tighten, waiting. I hold my breathe as he bounces back, though, with a bright smile, "It's no big deal, but I asked my father if I could just take it easy in my final year of high school so that I can focus on broadening my social network before I head off for college. I can work my ass off once I'm there, but for now, why not just.. take a breather, you know?"

Do I trust that smile?

Well, I better not push my luck and not be such an asshole, either.

"Of course. Gotta have fun with the glue sniffers and rubber burners before running for Japan's government office!" I sarcastically sing with a roll of my eyes, but never the less, I add in the next one with a serious demeanor, "Well, if you are deadass about helping me out with my homework.. I can help you out with the social scene, no problem. I know the best people for a party or for a dime bag. You can count on me."

"Of course I can." Soujiro purrs, "Now, place your philosophy homework here so that we can get started. We can finish that paper first, and then we can go out for lunch together next period so that we can work on your English assignments. I know a great sushi place around here."

I sigh, "Fine."

I have to get my work done. There's no other way around it. We spent this period quickly writing up a rough draft and letting Soujiro edit my papers while I work with the book on my topic of choice: Ethics. The teacher essentially asks which one speaks to us the most as human beings, and so I knew I had to pick that one. I live in an inner system of rights and wrongs, of what is real and what is elusive and thus, not to be trusted. Is it innate, or from life experiences, I'm not so sure. But it's how I survived through my real father walking away from my mother. It's how I got through her death, and it's how I got through the concept of being "that adopted child" to be the son of Hiko. It helped me sleep at night, somewhat, whenever I knew that Hiko was out getting trashed again. And now? I'm using it to debate this entire situation over Soujiro and I, and what it could all possibly mean.

By the time study hall was up and the bell has rung for the students to have ten minutes to get from one class to the next, the rough draft was nearly polished enough to be considered good enough to turn in. Soujiro advised me to work on it a little bit tonight, and then I should be done with it. I texted Yahiko that I won't be in the cafeteria with the group, and he pesters me as to why and what am I doing now, but I ignored him. No sense in getting him or the guys worked up because of my spending time with Soujiro Seta. Walking out from the back of the building and into the school's parking lot, we stroll up to Soujiro's car which, _of course,_ is a work of art in of itself. The 2018 Lexus LC 500, chrome interiors and customized leather interiors, brand spankin' new and ready to pull in girls at the drop of their panties. I groan in annoyance, which made Soujiro look my way confusingly.

"Of course you'd have a car like this."

"Jealous?" Soujiro winks while swinging his car keys around his finger with surmountable sass.

I try to ignore it. These spikes of jealousy of him. His commercial ready smile. The smooth glide of his car's wheels as we zoom through the nearby town. The smell of his expensive cologne. Soujiro Seta truly has the world in the palm of his hand, able to throw it from across the galaxy of opportunities, while I do the grunt work of churning out planets of everything that nobody would care about. Like surviving without heat during winter times. Like starving while standing in the line of a soup kitchen. Like cutting out coupons at three in the morning when you're twelve, and your step father is passed out drunk somewhere. These are the things nobody likes to think about, let alone talk about. I've learned to blend in the background this way.

We arrive at this upscale sushi resturant, obviously a place that I have never step foot into before. I can feel my face heating up when I walked in there, with my worker class attire, in a sea full of pristine faces and costly clothing. The walls are painted in shades fit for avante fashion, with plums and maroon, and even splashes of bright tones to enliven the environment. They even got a really neat looking aquarium with rare fishes swimming inside of it. While some people dared to look up and stare at me, others treated me as a mere insect to be ignored promptly. Soujiro got us a table immediately once he whispered something in the ear of our waitress, and she got us upstairs next to this huge window overlooking the entire damn world. I could even see the school from where I sit, how tiny and humdrum its existence appear from all the way up here. We started with water, and I had to grunt at the appearance of a slice of lemon and a lime just floating in my cup.

I don't belong here.

"You come here often?" I take a sip of my water anyway, the lemon slice bumping against my front teeth.

"Oh, yeah, during the first week of my father and moving in here, we go here a lot for lunch time. They have the best sushi selection here."

"Tch! The local talents around my neighborhood has the best sushi selection in town. Don't underestimate us poor folks."

Soujiro's eyebrows jump, "I wasn't?"

I grumble, trying to hide my defensiveness with a cool look towards the window, "Whatever."

Soujiro sits there with his hands lying on top of each other, observing me, and then he finally asks, "Are you always this defensive?"

I don't answer.

"Oh. I see. So it's just with me that you are this defensive. Got it." Soujiro chuckles and takes a sip of his water, "But you know, I understand it at the same time. Can't trust anybody in this forsaken world, sometimes."

"Eeyup."

We sit in silence for a while. I don't want to overreact. I don't want to lose him as my ticket to better opportunities, nor do I want him to know he can get on my last nerves that easily. But I most certainly do not want to connect with him. I have a part to play. I have to play the cool, uncaring asshole who's got everything under control. I know I can be a loose canon, but it mixes nicely with my non nonchalant nature at the same time. I can't let anyone, much less the poor little rich boy sitting across the table from me, with all the stars in his eyes and in his palms, get to me. I won't. I refuse. I would never. I'm beyond that shit..

But Soujiro doesn't let up.

"Is being the bad ass really that satisfying of a life to live? Something maybe you can add to your philosophy paper."

The sound of the ice cubes collapsing quietly on top of each other in our water is heard, and my anger rises once more.

I shoot him a coarse look and burst out, "Why did you moved here from Tokyo? What is it about this place, and my high school, and my _fucking_ friends, and me specifically, that you find so interesting? Why are you trying so damn hard to win my approval? Why us? Why me?!"

I can feel the hush of the other people's eyes turning around to look at us, whispering to each other at why this dead beat is in the same vicinity as they are.

"Why. Why. Why." Soujiro shakes his head with an amused smile, also trying his best to play it cool despite the embarrassing outburst, "Humanity couldn't continue on if we couldn't ask such questions starting with that word. Why, indeed."

My eye twitch, "Are you mocking me?"

"Heavens, no. I'm merely adding on to your tirade of questions, is all. But truthfully, my father had to move here to arrange some business with a merging company that is located here."

"Which company?"

"Acom."

"That credit card company?"

Soujiro beams, affirming my question.

"That's nice and all, but what about my other questions?"

"What other questions?"

I scowl and was ready to throw hands, but we are interrupted by our waitress coming back to ask us about what we'd like to order. Shit! We didn't even looked at our menus, right? I could only gape at her like an idiot, but like a champ, Soujiro answers her politely, "The usual. My father and I always had that one dish when we came here for lunch, remember?"

The waitress suddenly appears flustered and giggles nervously, "Oh, of course, of course! I'll be right back with that, thank you so much!"

She takes our menus and nearly ran off with them, which really is quite a sight that I am not used to seeing. I guess the Seta Enterprise has that sort of power to top notch resturants such as this one. Don't want to get sued or shut down, I suppose. Ugh. Money. How I need it and loathe it at the same time. I shake my head with mild disgust and look straight on to Soujiro, challenging him to continue. Maybe he wants to die today or have me kick his ass. We'll see about that.

He shrugs, "We moved here because of the merge, and I want to have a normal high school experience before I graduated. We looked for the perfect school for that, and decided yours was the best out of all the others. You act like your school is a prison, but really, it has a wonderful faculty and many of the students are working hard for their grades. It's not that bad as you make it out to be. And really, you might think I'm some poor little rich boy who doesn't know how to have fun.. But you'd be surprised what I have up in my sleeves."

"Like what?" I sneer.

"I know how to throw a good party―" He starts counting his fingers as he lists the reasons, "I know how to get the best drugs for people who ask me nicely. I know how to roll a joint and work a glass bong. I know how to vandalize property and get off scotch free even if the cops do catch me. I know how to steal things even if I have the money for it. I know how to fuck―"

"―Aw, jeez!" I thrust my hands out, "I didn't need to know about that last part!"

Soujiro laughs out loud, a laughter so peculiarly pure sounding despite his checkered past, "And I want to win your approval because you're the coolest bad ass I've ever seen in my life! You just do what you want, no questions asked. I admire that so much. It's so refreshing."

I give him a stony glare without a response.

His laughter calms down and he flickers his eyes over to the window, resting his chin in his hand, "If you don't believe me, Google my father's company. It's all there. And I tried adding you on Facebook. Did you checked it yet? You can research us all you want to see if my story checks out. I mean it. I encourage your skepticism and you finding everything about me to see what I'm all about. I'm more than okay with that. Alright?"

When his blue eyes flashes back to me, my heart skips a beat. I've never seen a shade more razor sharp in my life. It's like staring into your own death in a pool of water.

I manage a gulp, "Fine."

He snickers noiselessly and looks back out the window, the blue skies not able to hold its candle to the purity of his eyes. Soon, the waitress has come back with a small cart to give us a large plate with a big range of assortments, sushis with all different kinds of ingredients in them. I held in any hints of impression as much as I could, not wanting to let Soujiro see me weaken at what money could truly buy. I guess I just have too much pride to let people get the better of me. We ate in silence, which is really nice for a change. I can't stand his voice. He sounds like those weird men that Sano and I would catch looking at us with lust, and how it turns out, they were actually street walkers for international perverts who come here looking for a good time.

It's disgusting.

"Well now, that was nice, wasn't it?" My train of thought comes to a screeching halt at the sound of that damn voice cutting in, "Let's start with the English homework, okay? Luckily for you, it's just one worksheet to translate a few phrases, is that correct?"

"How'd you know that?"

"I e-mailed the teacher last night."

I shiver audibly, "Ugh, I can't believe teachers are so eager to write the students back like that."

Soujiro giggles, "Come on, give me that paper, and I'll help!"

So that's what we did with the remaining thirty minutes of being in that ritzy restaurant. Soujiro takes this as an opportunity to shuttle himself to the other side of the table to sit right next to me, looking over my shoulder as I would carefully try to translate the words on paper. When I would get something wrong, he'd do this stupid hum and then I'd stop and ask him what the fuck was that. Then he'd point out the correct answer. Which, of course, would annoy me, but I knew I had to let my pride slide if I want to graduate by summer time. Since it only contained a dozen words, we finished it in time for us to drive back to school and make it to our next class, which is gym. For the rest of that period, I let the experience of running as fast as I could around the track to try to forget having to spend two entire periods with Soujiro Motherfucking Seta.

A bad ass.

Hmph.

You don't know me.

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 _Ka blam!_

I jolt awake, gasping. What was that? All around me is pitch dark, and the next second, I hear another bang downstairs. Was that.. is that Hiko? I strain my eyes through my dark bedroom, trying to make out any lines. I drag my hands over my eyes to wipe my sleepiness away. Taking my phone, I switch it on to see that it's two in the morning, and those banging noises coming from downstairs sound all too familiar. Hiko was out drinking again. I should have known. I guess his promises of sobriety didn't hold up this time around. I groan, trying to shake off my daze, and carefully climb out of my bed to put on my jeans and my shoes. I think Hiko might need a first aid remedy for his impending hangover tomorrow. Judging by how loud those noises he made, he probably made a re-acquaintance with Lady Vodka and Sir Whiskey. Not the kind of friends you would like your step-father to get cozy with.

Welcome to my personal hell.

The electronic ringing is heard as I enter the nearby convenience store, the cashier nodding my way and I return the favor. He's this college kid not much older than me, and we don't really talk much, except when I have to get shit for Hiko's hangover. I think he's aware of my situation, but he knows better than to probe. I don't even know this guy's name. I stroll through the small aisles to take a look of the selection, mentally debating what I should get to ease Hiko's pain tomorrow. Do we even have food for tomorrow? Did he went shopping recently during his "I'm getting sober!" high? God fucking dammit, Hiko! Why can't you text me these things when I could get us shit from the other bigger store? I glower annoyingly to myself, dragging my hands across the bags of snacking chips as I walk down the aisle. Okay, what to get, what to get..

I grab a small carton of eggs, a quarter gallon of milk, some bacon, toothpaste, and juice. I read somewhere that greasy foods are great for curing a hangover. Except, you know, you can't really cure a fucking hangover. I've decided that maybe I should treat myself to something nice when my eyes landed on a sleazy magazine. With a sneaky curl of my lips, I take the magazine from the edge and pull it out from all the rest, and I walk up to the counter to pay. I really have to hurry up and go back to bed, anyway. School fucking suck for having to start so damn early during the day. Don't people know that teenagers need a lot of sleep so that we can grow properly? Fuckers.

"Ciggarates, too?" The cashier droans, looking ever so done with his life.

"Sure. The usual brand." I sniff and look away as he bags my belongings, the night outside silent and ghostly. Hardly a soul walking out there except me. I really need to be careful when I get out of here. Who knows what lurks behind those shadows and what the good moonlight refuses to touch. I wonder if Hiko has been to this store recently.

"That'll be 21,390 yen please."

 _What..?!_

I snapped him a look of shock and whisper, "The fuck you just said?"

Cashier just shakes his head, "Sorry, but your father owes us a big tab for all the beer that he's brought this week. It's over due now, and someone needs to pay. Otherwise, I cannot continue with this sale."

"But all I have is around a thousand yen in my pocket! How in the fuck am I supposed to pay all the rest?!" I slammed my palms on the counter noisly, "Where is your manager!?"

He backs up a little and then I hear the door bell ringing, but I am obviously too focused on the present matters at hand to bother turning around.

"Kenshin."

I nearly jump out of my skin at the sound of that voice. That god damn, weird, lusty voice that I've grown to hate with a fiery passion. For a few seconds, I didn't know how to breathe. Am I experiencing tunnel vision or is this just a really bad nightmare I'm experiencing? The cashier looks at the front of the store curiously and then he stares back at me with an arched eyebrow, quietly asking me if I know that person. No. No. This isn't happening. This can't be happening. This has to be a dream. A really, really bad dream. Maybe it's a fever dream and I have to wake up. No, no, no, no, no..

I hear the footsteps behind me cautiously walking up behind me, and the person comes up next to me and says the following with a cool confidence, "How much?"

I wish I could disappear.

I'm so mortified!

"21,390 yen in total."

A whistle is heard, impressed by the damage. The heat on my face is too much.

"It's on me. Here. And can you add that blue box of cigarettes there, too? Thanks."

He places the money on the counter and the cashier busies himself with counting them, and I couldn't find the bravery in me to turn to look at the person next to me. But I can feel him. I can _smell_ that cologne again. I have no doubt that it is Soujiro Seta at this point. I can't believe my shit luck. The cashier seems satisfied with the amount and opens the cash register to put it away and do the rest of the transaction successfully. He bags my belongings quietly and I still can't find it in me to look at Soujiro or even thank him for covering my ass. I take my bag and promptly turned the other way around to evade Soujiro's eyes, muttering a hushed thank you before walking on. I have to get out of here before he gets any ideas.

I don't want him to follow me home.

Have him see where I live, the shit I have to live with, in comparison to all the good things he is used to in his own home.

I can't allow it.

I won't allow it.

"Hey, wait up!"

I quicken my pace and keep my eyes down cast to see where I'm walking, aware of where I'm heading after living in this neighborhood for so long. I can hear the slaps of Soujiro's nice shoes hitting against the cement as he rushes over to me, the sound of the convenience store door shutting with its lovely ringing bells. I have to get rid of him somehow, but how in the world could I do that? Soon he catches up to me and starts to chuckle, "Sheesh! You're really on your way to somewhere important, huh?"

"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. It's the middle of a school night."

"But why are you at that convenience store so late at night? Did something happen?"

"Nothing happened. I woke up from a bad dream and realized my fridge was empty."

"Um," Soujiro hesitates with what he'll ask next, "I just.. I thought your father would be responsible over that―"

I abruptly stop walking and glare at him head on, "And you? Why the fuck are you at the convenience store so late at night? Did you fucking followed me there? Huh?!"

His eyes seem taken back by my barking, his hands lifting defensively as he answers my questions politely.

"I was itching for a smoke, but couldn't find my cigarettes. So I thought, I needed to buy a new pack, and then I accidentally ran into you," Soujiro backs up with his hands up defensively, "Seriously. I didn't even knew you were going to be there."

"..You live nearby?"

"Almost. Just over that small bridge, the one where we all hung out under, remember? Just pass over it and then it's ten minutes by car to get to my mansion."

Oh, brother! A mansion? This guy really does have everything on a silver platter! I frown at the front of his shirt, just thinking of what to do or say next. As much as I'd like to cuss him out and tell him to get the fuck out of my life forever, I still have to bend to his will so that I can pass senior year. Even if it's not with perfect grades.. I think I maybe want to go to college, after all. Or even a trade school, or something. Anything except to stay stuck with Hiko for the rest of my life, taking care of his messes. I can't live like that any longer and time is running out by one sand particle to the next. I think I'll just be nicer so that he can let me and let me walk home by myself. I really don't need him to find where I live. It's a shit box, honestly, and I don't feel like getting laughed at right now. Besides, I think Soujiro is truly genuine in his confession tonight.

I take a deep breath and mumble, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak. I'm just stressed out, that's all. School is such a buzzkill this time of the year, after all."

"Of course." Soujiro's voice is soft with compassion, taking a careful step towards me, "I understand."

I grip the plastic bag over him closing the gap between us, biting my lower lip and feeling really awkward. I take a step back for a good measure. How do I get rid of him? Maybe I should walk on over to the bridge and ask him questions about himself. Just so I can look friendly, and partly because I really need to know who the hell he is or where he came from. I wonder what secrets lies behind those eyes and that perfect smile. My eyes flicker to him, his skin nearly glowing with it's pale sheen. He's gotta have a girlfriend back in Tokyo. He's not ugly in the least bit.. he's not even on the spectrum of average like most people are. He's easy on the eyes, and.. Well, he's attractive. Hot, even. My breath hitches, disgusted at that last thought. Ew, seriously? I shake my head, turning the other way around so that we can both walk towards the bridge together now.

"So, um.." I am careful with my wording, "You are from Tokyo, huh?"

"Yup, that's right. I really miss it, but I actually like this place, too."

"Huh. I see."

We continue walking side by side, the only thing illuminating our steps were the street lamps from above. We soon reach the small bridge, and Soujiro leans on the bridge barrier to look at the water below. When really, he should be looking at the city lights. I tilt my head at him from behind, questions flying inside my head. He's a weird guy, this Soujiro. Does he even know what it's like to be normal like the rest of us? Probably not. He probably never had to work a day in his life for anything. I step to his side and let my lower back press against the barrier casually, looking behind my shoulder to look at the lit windows of all the buildings in the distance. Kyoto must be such a let down in comparison to living in the grand city of Tokyo. I've never been there, but it's what the whole damn world ever talks about when foreigners talk about Japan. Must be nice, living extravagantly in such a pretty place. I wonder when the pain of regret will catch up to Soujiro, over having to give all that up just to follow his father around.

"Do you miss it?"

"Hm?" Soujiro looks up, surprised.

"Tokyo."

He smiles and shakes his head with a hum, "Home is where my heart decides. Not of origin."

I nod, accepting that answer, and he turns his face back to the water.

"Would you ever consider visiting it?" He asks while tucking some hair behind his ear, his smile a little tense, considering such a normal question.

I shrug with one shoulder, "Maybe."

He giggles quietly, leaning closer over the barrier, so much so that I place my shopping bag down and take his shoulder to pull him back, "Hey, don't be stupid, you idiot! You're gonna fall!"

He looks at my hand and then at my face, laughing now, "Relax, you're such a worrywart for a bad ass!"

I grumble and take my hand back, "Fine, then. Jump for all I care."

A silencing wind passes us by. And then, as if playing on a dare, Soujiro shrugs playfully and says, "Alright!"

Before I had the proper time to react, he gets up on the barrier, the top of it being thick enough in width that he could step normally on it with his sneakers easily. And yet, it's not that wide enough that one wrong move is all it would take for a major accident to occur. The water below must be beyond freezing at this point. He could die if he gets in there! My wide eyes watch him in shock as he outstretches his arms to his sides to balance himself, taking one careful step at a time. Between life and death, Soujiro looks like a right nut case. His white dress shirt looks crisp and otherworldly against black skies, like a ghostly flame. I rush up to his side and help him by placing my hands on him; one behind the small of his back, and the other on the front of his thigh. Touching him feels so weird, and my cheeks are warm from having to be this close to another man like this. Is it practical to scream no homo at a time like this?

Dammit, Sano. You and your played out jokes and memes are infecting my head!

"Hey, come on, cut it out!" I urge him, "This isn't funny. You could get killed!"

He stops walking just to peer down his nose at me with an arrogant smirk, "You're such a bitch, you know that? I won't get hurt, and I've done this many times before."

"Oh, that does it!" I grab the fabric of his clothes so that he could fall into my arms, and I held onto the front of his collar with my hand while my other one's finger is pointing in his face, "You really have some balls for being daddy's rich kid. Do that kind of shit again, and I promise that you _will_ want to move back to Tokyo once I'm through with you. Got it?!"

"Sheesh, alright." Soujiro takes a forceful step back so that my hand can be out of reach, and he simply sits on the barrier before whipping his phone out from his pocket, "I want to show you something."

"If it's porn, go fuck yourself with it. I'm out of here. Peace." I turn around to retreat my shopping bag from the ground, when I hear Soujiro step down and scurry on to my side to shove the screen of his phone into my line of vision. Right there, the first thing I notice, was a really big, happy smile. A smile I never saw on Yahiko before. He's holding his new bong. It's like looking at a dated Christmas photo of a child who received the gift he's been waiting for an entire year for. He looks younger and more innocent in this photo, catching me by surprise. I halt. Soujiro's thumb glides over the screen to show me the next photo, this time showing Sanosuke with his brand new helmet, and leaning against his motorcycle with pride. He's got his leather jacket and boots on and the whole biker get up thing going on. He looks.. really good, actually. And happy, too. The thumb slides over and it's now a picture of himself with Kaoru and Megumi, the background appearing what it looks to be the shoe store from the shopping mall. Their smiles there tells me everything.

...

My friends.. They're.. they're..

...

I think it's been years since they've smiled like that.

"Please, Kenshin. Can't you see how well we all get along as a group?" Soujiro takes his phone back into his pocket, and I dubiously turn back around to look at him, "Can't we get along like them, too?"

Stunned and unsure of what to say, I just stood there like a fucking idiot, gaping at him. Soujiro's eyes look concerned and sad, as if a teacher has caught their most favorite student cheating on the test, when they know that the student could have passed easily with no problems at all. Like a sense of disappointment, but mostly just worried about them, overall. It's a really strange thing to see, especially so damn late at night. I still wonder if this is all just a fever dream, honestly. I turn to face him completely, still unable to form any semblance of words or sentences, grunting and looking down embarrassingly.

How does this guy have this much power over my life in just a few short days?

How does he do that?

How?

"Your friends like me, Kenshin. I buy them what they want and they're ecstatic of finally being able to have what they desired, but couldn't afford before. I'm actually taking Megumi out shopping this Sunday to a luxury makeup store, and we'll pick Kaoru up to visit a really nice tea store of her choosing. She wanted to go so badly many times before, but her parents could never afford it. Until I came along and told her that it's on me. I wish you could hear the glee in her voice when she told me thank you so many times, Kenshin. Maybe then, you'll be able to see.. That I'm really not out to get you. I promise. And your grades? No problem. I'll help you until your teachers won't even recognize you by the end of this year."

I still couldn't speak. With that white shirt..

Soujiro's surely a phantom.

"And like I said before.." Soujiro's eyes trail to the floor, "You can look me up all you want. Do a background check, for all I care. I have nothing to hide from you. I just like you. A lot. I want to be your friend. You're someone who doesn't care about fitting in. Fitting in was all I was taught as the most important thing to do in this life.. next to breathing, of course. You're out of this world, Kenshin. I want to join you with the stars and we can do so many crazy things together. We'll have so much fun. I have the money, and you have the connections. Can you imagine the mayhem?"

Is he serious?

He lifts his hand to me, asking for a shake, "Truce?"

I look at his hand, everything about it perfect right down to his immaculate fingernails, buffed to a soft shine. I wonder who cleans his nails for him; a salon assistant or a god damn butler brought by his rich daddy. My eyes train up into his, the blue around his irises like two explosions of an azure storm. Too blue to be real. I let my eyes fall to his hand again, and with great reluctance, I lift my own hand to enclose his with one pump. Touching him still feels odd and a startled grunt escapes me, but I close my mouth and frown, trying to play it off. Truce. Soujiro lets my hand go slowly and I look up again to see that perfect smile again, straight and white, not a hint of yellow anywhere like Hiko's. Can Soujiro ever truly belong in my world? A world filled with pain and ever lasting disappointment? Of waiting for wasted fathers to come home at night, of only knowing nothing but the smell of smoke and day old milk? Of having to starve one self because the money's just not there for groceries?

Can he belong in that world?

Can I belong in _his_ world?

"Truce." I said simply, and without bidding him goodnight, I let myself walk away from him. Away from the portrait of sapphire and ivory made of eyes and teeth. I don't need anymore reminders of things I can never buy every time I look at him. I don't think my chest need another prickle of envy anymore. I come home quietly, seeing Hiko sleeping noisily on the couch as usual. There is a strong stench that comes from a variety of sources, things that surely are not so nice if put into names. I wrinkle my nose in disgust at him and shake my head, going up the staircase to head back to my bedroom. Once I click my door shut carefully, I take off my jacket, shirt, and jeans, and nearly dive into my bed to go to sleep. I click my phone into the charger, the screen lighting up with a vibration, and my eyes catches something. It appears I have a new text message.

 **Thank you. :) I promise you won't regret this.**

 _you're on thin ice, soujiro. don't forget that._

 **Absolutely. I completely understand. You have my word.**

 _Fine. Goodnight._

 **Night. Will you join me again for study hall?**

 _Sure._

 **:)**

 _What are you smiling for? Smilies are for girls and faggots._

 **Ouch! Which girl or faggot ruined your life enough to hate on happy faces?!**

I hate to admit this, but my lips curl into a smirk, a soft chuckling emerging from me. I text back:

 _I don't know. I think it's my step dad. He likes drawing on happy faces on all my lunches when I was little._

 **Hiko. Does he hurt you?**

 _lol?_

 **Like, what does he do that make you so angry like this?**

 _Thin. Ice._

 **Alright, alright. I'll ease up on the smilies if you seriously show up for study hall today, k?**

 _K_

 **Night. For real. Tonight was.. interesting.**

 _Indeed. night._

I wait for his response, but my phone doesn't vibrate or light up, which could only mean he's out like a light by now. Is it.. odd to say that I almost wanted to hear from him one more time before I go out like a light, too? I don't know, but.. I think he's funny, and maybe there is some truth to his charm after all. He's hard to hate, I'll give him that. And I liked how happy he's made my friends feel this week. Those photos are hard proof of that. I place my phone on my nightstand and lie my head on my pillow, taking a very long, deep breath and out to relax myself completely. I shut my eyes and descend myself into the void of my mind, a blink of deep navy flashing behind closed eyelids before I enter the dream world.

Soujiro..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The world is strange on Thursdays. It's near the end of the week, but not quite, and so there is a level of anticipation and anxiety in the air for everyone in the world. When will it end, they ask? They want the weekend and they want it now. To escape all that is mundane and aching to the bone. The one ache that really fucking hurts me right now, of course, is having to focus especially hard on the mathematics homework during study hall and having to smell that nice cologne again. Soujiro politely guides the way through the equations, comparing his own notes to mines so that I can solve them, but I still really hate it. Not because of him, but for the subject at hand is worst than fucking a cactus. But we managed through and completed it just in time before the period bell ring, and all the other students get up from the other tables to head out of the library. Swinging my backpack over my shoulder, Soujiro adjusts the strap of his messenger bag before beaming at me.

"That was a good study, wasn't it?" He asks airily.

I simply shrug.

"Do you want to go to that sushi restaurant with me again, Kenshin?"

"Nah. I think our friends miss us and want to see us for lunch. Do you mind?"

"Not at all. It's your group, after all."

That's right. _My_ group. Lunch period came and went like normal, me trying my best to ignore my friends' silliness and their gushing over their new stuff. Because to acknowledge it outright would mean that I was wrong about Soujiro all along, and I really don't feel like facing that sort of humiliation. Not yet, anyway. I let my friends bask in their glory while I smile secretly to myself, eyes downcast to avoid theirs as they ask the new kid all sorts of questions. Soujiro answers them cordially, stating that he was born on September 18, 2000, in the city of Paris when his father was doing business there. His wife was enjoying their temporary home. She was enjoying the balcony view one night with the help, when her water broke and was rushed to the nearest private hospital. According to his father, he couldn't make it in time for the delivery, so the wife came home, now a mother, lonely yet happy that Soujiro was born perfectly normal. As a gift, the maids had given Soujiro a gift basket, featuring his very first stuffed teddy bear.

"Colonel Snuffles still lives on, and he sits on my desk near my laptop at my place." Soujiro laughs along with my friends at that confession, and even I had to smirk.

"I so want to meet your teddy bear, Soujiro!" Misao gushes, and even the serious Megumi had to nod with a high pitch hum. Kaoru just couldn't sit still knowing that she'll get to visit the prestigious tea house soon, and it really makes me happy to see her smile like that. Actually, I'm glad to see all of them this happy. And I actually like knowing that having Soujiro as my study buddy will really help me this year with school work. I just can't help but wonder what's in it for him. He's acting like he's known us for years, but he just met us merely days ago. Why does he likes us so much already? Why like _me_ so much in such little time? I just don't understand. While the gang talks up a storm about homeroom, I secretly turn my phone on to break through the school's Wi-Fi and go to my Facebook app. Sure as I felt it, I see the red button on the bell icon and it's a new friend request. Soujiro Seta. His profile picture is just him in a forest for some camping trip, probably taken the summer before this school term.

I click on his profile to go through it. His little bio reads: _Taking life by the horns! :D_ Rolling my eyes briefly, I run my thumb on my screen to scroll downward, where I see more of his photos on his public gallery. I click on it. There's endless albums of all the shit he's done and seen for the past several years, of international trips out to fancy places, and even group photos of him and his old pals from the previous private school. Apparently, when he was fifteen years old, his father put him in a boarding school in Russia because Soujiro wanted to immerse himself into that culture. And enjoy the snowy nature, of course. One photo features him with his arm around some girl, and the caption reads: _This my bae, don't touch!_

I don't know if that's really his girlfriend, or just a female friend who did not mind being in the middle of an inside joke. Or maybe she's one of his fuck buddies. What? I've been fucking way before my eighteenth birthday to know that other people don't wait around, either. I continue to scroll. Photos of his father are found, always wearing something incredibly high class. One photo shows his father in a black tux for a fancy party he was invited to, and his son Soujiro stands proudly next to him. He really has it all, this kid. His father looks every shade of old, really, but he also looks upstanding meanwhile. White silver hair that looks like it was trimmed a million times before with the world's most perfect razor blade, and baby blue eyes that appear youthful despite the cracked wrinkles that surround them. I guess that's where Soujiro gets his eyes from. There's no photo to be found of his mother, though, which is a bit of a let down. Maybe the internet will help me locate her information when I get home today.

I accept the friend request.

"Hey, Kenshin," Soujiro walks up next to me after lunch period is over and the gang disperses to go to their respective classes, "I know you're probably busy after school, but I'm wondering if you want to study on Facebook with me to tackle those last few assignments. You're just about done, and then you'll be a free man this weekend. How about it?"

"Sure." I smile a little bit, which is.. weird.

"Oh, what was that? Is that a smile I see?" Soujiro coos jokingly, to which I punch him in the arm and he starts laughing, "Oww!"

"Don't get too comfortable with me, Seta. Remember. Thin, ice."

"Thin ice. Got it." Soujiro winks at me, and then chuckles at my exasperated sigh, "Say, would you be interested in coming over to my mansion on Saturday for a house party? I already invited your friends and they are ecstatic to come. We're desperately hoping that you'll say yes."

"Um.." I look the floor while we continue walking down the hallway together, "I don't know. I'll have to wait and see today to find out what Hiko will be up to."

Soujiro doesn't say anything for a while, and then he says, "Of course, I understand. No pressure. Text me later, okay?"

Before I could react, he rushes off down the hallway to get to the next class. Or something. Which is weird, because technically I'm heading in the same direction. Well, okay, whatever then, bye? I guess he needs to get something from his locker. I continue on walking and making the usual turns, my mind going on autopilot. I go down a level and whistle absentmindedly. I come to one wing where the gym room should be towards the end, when I see up ahead a small group clamoring and forming a circle. I squint to get a better look, walking a little briskly meanwhile to see what the hub bub is. It's basically five guys laughing at someone in the middle, the student wrapping his hands around himself in a defensive position and he has his head down. The head that is adorned with brilliant chestnut hair. When I am just a foot away from them, the group turns to look at who is coming onto their turf, and I should have known: It's the shit head group that Sano and I and Yahiko loathe so much, and whom we protect the girls from as much as we can. Though the school doesn't like us rebels, it's these guys that are really lower than dog shit. Some of them are known to have date raped girls during parties and shit, and have done much worse things than my group wouldn't even _dream_ of doing.

And their leader, whom I want nothing more than to beat to a bloody pulp.

Shishio Makoto.


	4. Heart Hope

_Author's notes: Hey guys, thank you so much for the wonderful reviews and the support that some of you have given me during this troubling time in my life. I really cannot go into too much detail, but my situation is somewhat of a dangerous one and I'm thinking of getting out and going into a shelter, and well.. It's just going to be very hard for me soon when it happens. I have numerous support from offline friends, so I know I do have some sort of safety net once I travel far from here, but please don't be scared or worry too much over me. I'm just trying to survive and just writing as much as I could, because that to me is something I enjoy in my heart anyway. It serves as a wonderful escape when things in life goes bad, you know? So thank you. I really hope you guys enjoy this update because.. yeah, it's just gonna be pretty sexy and you will find out why. Enjoy. ;)_

 _Also a quick note, no, Shishio's not a burn victim in this fic, lmao. There's actually manga portraits and anime stills of him before the burning. He's a good looking guy, if I say so myself! Anyway, I shall now pray to Buddha to not go to hell over making that comment._

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 _"Cause I need something more than everything,_  
 _A higher self deep within._  
 _Cause I need something more than everything,_  
 _A higher self, a higher self."_

 _\- Oh Wonder_

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"Well, well, well."

His voice is sickeningly deep, dripped in acetone, and perfected by the consumption of hard liquor. The tremors in his voice is ragged from years of drinking, smoking, and other vices. Makoto Shishio is the kind of person you do not want to mess around with. Hailing in the inner city of Kyoto, he and I share a terrible background of poverty; only difference, is that the countryside living has kept me grounded, somewhat, while his rough neighborhood upbringing has scorched his heart until blackened with no hope of recovering. He takes out his hatred on other people with a fierce violence, even if it's done only psychologically. His friends have raped other girls, and have bloodied boys until they had to be escorted to the emergency room. Dreams die when you're around Shishio. And right now, he wants to kill Soujiro's dream of fitting in happily with his friends.

"Kenshin Himura. I haven't seen you in a while." Shishio chuckles darkly, "How's Hiko? Still a bumbling drunken fool with no employment to speak of? What a tragedy."

I don't respond. My eyes do all the talking for me. And they're out for his blood. Shishio grins, a wicked laugh vibrating under his throat at the sight of me wanting to kick his ass. My eyes flicker to train themselves on young Soujiro, his eyes dejected and casting downward, his skin seemingly paler from being so fearful of what may come. How did he get wrapped up into Shishio's business like this? Have they met before? Maybe this is just an unfortunate turn of events where two worlds accidentally collide. I could see someone like Shishio and his poor pals hating on someone so well off like Soujiro. And while I understand the sentiment, I shouldn't excuse it when all Soujiro wanted to do was to be a good person. Feeling a little alarmed over that revelation, I shake it off, glaring back at Shishio again.

"What's your fucking problem? What did Soujiro ever do to you?" I challenged him.

Shishio wags his finger at me, "Uh uh uh! Not so fast, you loose canon. Before you and Soujiro here reunite, I would like to propose something to you that will be of interest."

I don't say anything.

"Hmph," Shishio's eyes tighten, "Rude. But I don't expect much from trash like yourself, of course."

I smirk, "Look who's talking."

"Hey, you watch your fucking mouth, y'hear?!" One of his lap dogs starts barking from where he stands, making Soujiro flinch and take one step to the side to try and get himself out of the dangerous circle. The other lap dog, though, only takes one step forward to make sure the circle stays close in tact, preventing Soujiro from escaping.

"You should curb your little lap dogs if you are going to use them, Shishio," I roll my eyes, "Their yapping are annoying me already."

Shishio smirks wider, "You sure talk a lot for someone who has nothing of worthwhile to give back to society. But then, why is it, that you want to protect little Soujiro here? Isn't he the son of that head corporate for the Seta Enterprise? One has to wonder why he is here, and why we should even trust him. Is it not something that is playing on your mind, Battousai?"

I shrug, "Of course. But that's my dealio and not yours to fuck with. I'll deal with Soujiro on my own. You and your little boys can go and rape other people all you want. Sooner or later, they will find out what you did to all those girls."

Soujiro looks up, a hesitating sound escaping his rosy lips. His blue eyes widen at what I'm saying before he takes a careful gander at the group that surrounds him. Must be a first to hang out with actual rapists. His fancy schools couldn't have prepared him less for this type of situation. The duality of being sheltered, I suppose; to be born into wealth and feeling so satisfied with the privileges, and yet, how it hurts these folks the most when the real world comes knocking on their doors.

"What was your proposing idea?" My eyebrow jump up.

Shishio rubs his chin with that devious smile, "Hm. We have been getting into some small time messes these days, but we figured that if we had someone strong like yourself in our group, we could take over this school as we see fit. Can you imagine, Battousai? Students cowering in fear as our shadows extend through the hallways, and we can obtain anything we desire without compromise. I could even get you a better girlfriend.. No doubt your break up with Tomoe two years ago still lingers on your mind."

I glower and take one step forward, "You watch your mouth.."

"Be very careful of your next move, Himura," Shishio's smirk fades into a warning scowl, his group taking on a defensive position at my expression, "My boys here will rip you apart in no time. Think before you take another step."

The promise of death is so endlessly silent. Hateful eyes watch each other, fists curled and ready to fight.

...

 _ **"Kenshin!"**_ Soujiro suddenly belts out and lunge forward, rousing all of us into spontaneous action. The lap dog who told me to watch my mouth earlier tries to grab my wrist, to which I rotate it in a manner that I was able to maneuver myself and twist his arm behind his back. He screams in pain while I kick the balls of the other lap dog rushing behind me. Then I swing the guy in front of me to knock over the last lap dog to the ground. They both groan while the last one watches helplessly. Never the less, he growls and lunges forward, to which I simply crouch and punch him into his stomach, speckles of blood spraying on the floor next to me. He limps over my fist and I let him go tumbling to the ground. Now all that's left for me to defeat is Makoto Shishio himself. His grim expression says it all. He has no defense team to protect him now. I take a step forward, hacking and spitting at the floor next to me. Shishio's eyes swing to Soujiro and they abruptly widen.

A blur of actions occur, and before we all knew it, I've successfully bash my head against Shishio's forehead and knocking him down in the process. I watch as he grabs his head and squirms, hushed curse words and growls vibrating through the now quiet hallway. I see a flash of blood and I grunt, outstretching my hand towards Soujiro so that he can take it. I pull him into my side, my heart suddenly thumping. I can smell his cologne again.. the nicest thing right now in this sea of brutal violence. Soujiro has his arms around my waist and even though that would have greatly bothered me before.. Right now, the only thing I care about is making sure he's okay. We both watch Shishio trying to sit up with a struggle, and he suddenly begins to chuckle to himself despite the oozing blood gushing from his head.

"I should've known the power that rests inside of you, Battousai. You've beaten us fair and square, but you know I don't do fair. I'll get you for this."

"M-master Shishio..!" One of his dull witted followers slowly wake up from his unconscioussness and tries to crawl towards him, to which Shishio's prompt response was a fist into the kid's face. He collapses into unconsciousness again, and Shishio shakes his hand to get rid of the pain of having to punch him like that. I feel so disgusted and sick to my stomach. Soujiro whimpers into the collar of my shirt and I tighten my hand on his shoulder to reassure him. Shishio frowns at this display of strange affection and had to ask.

"What are you, fucking each other? Don't make me vomit, Himura. You and I both know that you are into the ladies here," He gets up shakily, "I'll let the lads here come up from their own slumbers, but you and I will have a score to settle. I'll make sure of it."

"Name the place and time, and I'll be there to fucking end you." My eyes darken with a smirk.

Shishio smiles soundly, "Huh! You're fun to play with. Let's see how long you'll stand on those two legs, though. Until then.."

We both watch as he limps away, into the darkness and out of our sights. That was a close one! What the fuck even happened that all of this had to escalate to this level?! I grab Soujiro's forearms and growl, "What the fuck is the matter with you?! Do you say hello to every fucking person on Earth? Do you know who those people are?!"

"Yeah, scary!" Soujiro flinches and looks forlornly to the ground, "I'm.. I'm sorry, Kenshin. I didn't know who those people are. I smiled to that Shishio guy, but then.. but then.."

"Forget it. I don't want to hear it. Can you just," I pinch the bridge of my nose, "Can you just not talk or look at everyone you see? This isn't your prep school where everything is rainbow and butterflies. There are really dangerous people in this school. People that wouldn't mind seeing you bleed dry. Just stop talking to everyone you see. If you're curious about someone, just come ask me about them first, okay?"

Soujiro opens his eyes to train them on me, at a lost for words. Even I'm a little stumped by my passionate outburst over this situation, but.. Seriously! He could've gotten _killed_ if he wasn't careful! Shishio has seen some shit and wouldn't lose sleep if someone dies under his watch. It is rumored that, in fact, that after he had raped a female student a year ago.. That she actually swallowed a bunch of pills just to get away from the memories of seeing his face in her dreams. It never checked out as a myth or a fact, but.. I wouldn't doubt it for a second. He's a really frightening piece of shit. He doesn't have a heart. The street gobbled that shit up a long time ago. All that's left is a void determined to take everyone down with him. I wouldn't trust him with any other assholes that I dislike in this school.

We look at each other, quiet for some time, and Soujiro then whispers with a strange soft lightness, "Thank you. I knew I was right about you."

I grunt, feeling my cheeks warming up, "What do you mean?"

He giggles, "I mean.. When I saw you for the very first time, I knew I could be safe with you. You're real. I know I said that already, but it's true. I don't have to fear anything or anyone when I'm with you. You're.. You are―"

I take his wrists to unwrap them from my waist line, "―Just stop talking before this gets any gayer than it has to be. I saved you, you're thankful, I get it. Let's just go to gym class before the teacher hurls us both to hell."

Soujiro looks a little shocked over my sudden callous response, and I let go of his wrists so that I can walk on ahead. Just to avoid those eyes. Just to get away from that voice. And more importantly.. I didn't like having such an intimate moment like that with him. It's weird. It felt too close already. I don't know him.. He doesn't know me. I need time and that was just too gross to put into words. My blush still hasn't lessened the more I walk away from him, and there is a queer flutter in my stomach when I hear him calling and running after me to join me for gym class.

I hate you, Soujiro Seta.

But I'll be damned if I end up seeing you get hurt.

Nobody gets to do that.

Wanna know why?

Because I want to hurt you first.

Before you..

.

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.

.

.

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.

.

.

I'm home now. I asked Hiko to borrow his laptop to do some homework, obviously lying through my teeth. Luckily, he makes no qualms about it and lets me use it. He owes me for that tremendously huge tab at that convenience store. In which I made fucking sure he knew about it, and he felt like total shit about it. Then he asked me how in the world I had that kind of money to pay it off. I just smirked and said I made friends with a rich guy and that was it. He seemed pretty confused about that, but he sighed and let it go. Good. No need to freak out over what's been properly dealt with, after all. I sit in my desk and went on the search engine to look up the Seta Enterprise. Time to do some research. This time could've been spent on actual homework, and I know I'll get to it eventually tonight, but for now.. For now, I just have to know what I'm dealing with.

I click on the first search result which is the official website for the company. The designs are really well tailored and futuristic like. You know what I mean. Really stupid bells and whistles like drop menu that fades away when you move your mouse away from it, embedded videos that aren't from YouTube or other peasant avenues, and so on. Crisp light colors and nice looking text. It's more than obvious that the person or the team that helped with building this website carried a big fucking check home for a job well done. I let go of my inner cheek that I was absentmindedly chewing on from these thoughts. No time to be green when I have to search for more clues.

So, the Seta Enterprise is exactly what Soujiro talked about on his first day of school. It acts as a middle man for two other companies that are interested in merging, or sharing stocks and money and so forth, and to strike business deals with one another. It's like being a legal mediator to two groups of rich folks, and you're rich too, so it's like you're all just jerking each other off. I shudder and grimace at that thought, shaking my head. I hate rich people. I looked through that entire website and everything fucking checks out as legitimate. There's nothing fraudulent about their business, the news websites are all touting over them like they're heroes for their charity projects, and even the comments from strangers can't help but gush over the magic that is the Seta Enterprise. Who the fuck are those people, anyway? They all talk like they know the CEO, personally, which irks me because there's no photos next to their usernames.

The other thing that really creeps me out is that there's no mention of his late wife anywhere. Not on the website, not in the search engine, or in the weird comments. It's like she never even existed in the first place. I could ask Soujiro for her full name, even her maiden name on top of that, but he probably doesn't want to talk about it. Right? Or maybe I should, just to see what he has to say. If he really isn't hiding anything, then he'd give me her name without a problem. Right? I click on his name on the list of all the people online right now and shoot him a message: _Hey. You around? I was wondering if I could get your mother's name. I'm just curious and you told me you aren't hiding anything, and I just wanted to be sure._

My finger hovers over the send button, but I don't click on it. What am I doing?! Is this really the appropriate question to ask someone who fucking lost his mother? I of all people should know how that feels like, and I shouldn't be so douchy about it even if I am suspicious of his back story. It's just not the way to treat someone else. It's inhumane. I can hate Soujiro all I want, but I don't have to bring his mother into our business. I edit the message into this instead: _Hey Soujiro. Hope you're well. I checked out your father's website. It's pretty neat. I'm just wondering, could I check your mother's eulogy page? I can't find her anywhere and I am curious about who she was to raise such a nice kid like yourself. :-)_

Ugh. I can't believe I used a fucking smiley. I sit and wait for his respond, keeping my eyes on the bubble text I wrote intensely for any changes. A small grey text that says "Read" pops up next to it, so I know Soujiro just saw my message. Can't escape it this time, boy. I rest my chin on my hand, waiting. I wait and wait and wait. What's taking him so long?

A bell sound is heard from the laptop and I see a response from Soujiro: _Hey Kenshin. I just wanted to say thank you for saving me today. Omg I was so scared, tf was that? Shishio's a creep! Ummmm my mom's name is a weird one, honestly. My dad never really told me her name. He said she changed it legally one time, so her real name is lost on me. When I asked him before what her new name was, he didn't seemed to wanna tell me about it, y'know? It's so fucking stupid lol but there you go._

I grit my teeth and type back: _Aww come on, Souji. You can trust me, right? I really wanna know her name. Can you get it for me? Is your dad around? Can't you ask him?_

Silence. He read my message. More silence. My stomach feels strange all of a sudden. Did I pushed him too far already? Well, it's my fucking right to find out everything if he was so willing to show me his hands. Right? I chew on my thumb and feeling a little anxious from the quiet when I hear the ping again.

 _I'd love to talk more about this but I'm a little busy right now. Is that okay, Kenshin?_

No, it's not okay!

I type: _Aw it's fine and all but remember that it was YOU who said you had nothing to hide. Just be sure you have your info the next time I see you. If you won't help me, I can't go to your party Saturday. Capiche?_

I hit send and my chest pounds. It.. It didn't felt right sending that, for some reason. I look on nervously as the "Read" grey text is shown next to my message, and more silence ensues. I wait for a few minutes, until it became more than obvious that Soujiro won't answer me this time. Well, maybe that's.. expected? I didn't ask him any direct questions except for the capiche part, and that's not really a question. It's more of a statement, I guess. But still.. He should have given me some more bread crumbs or something. Anything! My stomach continues to quiver. I don't like this feeling. Today during lunch, Soujiro brought us all desserts from the cafeteria line when that hasn't happened to any of us before. The sweet treats are to be paid extra on top of your lunch, and we were all on a special aid program where we are able to afford just the basic lunch set. So imagine all of our surprises when we were given the Thursday special of Kohi Zeri. It tasted delicious and we were all super happy. I thought.. I thought Soujiro really liked me enough to be transparent.

What the fuck is happening?

I couldn't help it.

I send him another message: _Hey, Soujiro. Please tell me that I'm not going crazy for no reason, ok? Because YOU said that you were willing to be open with me and now? You're just quiet for no reason and I know you're busy, or maybe that's a lie too, idk, but can you please answer me? YOU'RE NOT BEING FAIR RIGHT NOW._

I hit send, and I gasp. Holy shit. Was that wrong of me to send? Oh fuck. Is he going to get mad at me now? A bing is heard and my heart jumped out of my fucking chest. I calm down before reading the following message from Soujiro:

 _I think you need to chill. Srsly. I will tell you about my mom later. Bye._

My heart sinks. Oh my God. He is mad at me now. I feel a surge of desperation going through my veins now, and I want to fix this before anything else happens. But before my fingers could hit the keyboard, something stops me and I am in suspension. I want to throw up. I've never felt so nervous before. It feels like losing something incredibly important to me. It was the same feeling I felt inside when I first learned about Hiko's alcoholism. The father I knew and grew up with, the father I loved and felt so safe with for so many years.. was killed by drinking. Now all there's left is the carcass of the hero he used to be. Of the hero I used to look up to, the hero who used to wear a badge and carried a pistol around to protect civilians. The person I used to be proud of calling my father, even if we are not blood related.

Is losing Soujiro really that important?

A low growl erupts under my throat at that thought. Of course not! He's not fucking important to me and he can drop dead for all I care! I slam my hands on my desk as I got up from my chair, and I decide to drop this investigation for today. Fuck Soujiro! Fuck him! He promised and he failed to keep his word. Fucking asshole. Motherfucker! I kick my chair and it lands on its side to the floor, before I go on to rush downstairs. Hiko left home without my knowledge. I don't care. I don't care if he's drinking now. I don't care about the stack of dishes that hasn't been done for days now. I just don't fucking care!

 _ **CRASH!**_

The plate I flung against the wall now scatters all over the kitchen floor, the sun from the windows reflecting back on all those little pieces. Tiny rainbows shine against the light tiles, the shards appearing like stars from the milky way. I try to catch my breath, the heat on my chest red hot in its intensity. I guess one missing plate would be the least of Hiko's concern when he returns. I hope he left some money behind for dinner tonight.. or himself so that he can make us something. Maybe I can make something for myself. It's only three in the afternoon, but I'm already aching for something rich. I scoff. There's no way I'm calling Soujiro for a meal ticket out. Fuck that. I need someone else. I think I'll text Sanosuke and see what he's up to.

But right now.. I need to clean up this mess. And do the dishes.

Afterwards, I texted Sano. I asked him if he's free right now to just chill at my place for a bit. He's been here before, and being a poor fuck like myself, he doesn't judge. Or even has the right to. He lives just a few minutes away by foot, so we always go to each others houses a lot. Luckily for him, he has both of his parents in tact. His father is a car dealer working in this seedy dump outside of the neighborhood, and his mother is a hair dresser. That's why Sanosuke is so obsessed with making sure his hair looks good for the ladies. I like his parents, and they seem to like me, but his mother is pretty vocal over her disapproval on Hiko's parenting. She worries about me at times, and I don't know if I should be flattered or defensive. But, whatever. It is what it is. They go their own way, and I go my way.

 _I'll be there in a jiffy, Shitdick. :)_

In ten minutes, Sanosuke is sitting next to me on the front porch, sharing a joint with me. Although the police cars likes to visit our run down neighborhood from time to time to crack down criminals, today seemed quiet enough to smoke some herb. God, I needed this. Hiko's gone and someplace completely unknown, so I'm free to do what I want. The air is crisp with winter frost, though it's only October. This is going to be one bitter snow season, I guess. It's one of those things that gnaws in the back of my head a lot. When are we getting new coats? What will our charity donated coats look like this year? The garbs always look horrendous and the ones I usually prefer, don't have the type of heat to keep me warm during the holidays. I fucking lose no matter what. I bet Soujiro dresses in mink coats every year since he was a baby. Tch!

"Hey, you going to Soujiro's party on Saturday?" Sanosuke exhales.

I roll my eyes, "I think I'll pass."

"Aw, come on, dude, seriously? What now?"

I shake my head, "Nothing. We got in a bit of a tiff today."

"Huh? But Soujiro texted me after school today gushing about your heroic attempts in beating whats-his-face to the floor." Sanosuke crack his own neck casually.

I scoff, "Yeah, and as thanks, he refused to give me his mother's name to look her up on Facebook. Asshole."

"Hm? Why would you look that up?" Sanosuke blinks at me with a frown.

"I.. I just," I shrug with one shoulder, "I couldn't find any information about her anywhere. No photos, no name drops, no mentions. Nothing. Isn't that weird?"

Now it's Sanosuke's turn to shrug, "Well, maybe it hurts him too much to remember so she's just.. _fwah_.. wiped off from the internet. People deal with loss in different ways, y'know?"

I don't reply. There's no point, is there? Sano's made his mind up about this and I can't fight with him. He's my best friend. I refuse to give up on our friendship just for the sake of being right. I mean, I already know that I am actually right about this. But for this, I'll bite my tongue. Up ahead, someone walks towards us, and it took me a second to recognize her face. It's Kaoru Kamiya. What's she doing here? Not that I'm complaining or wish her gone. Her pleasant face is always a pleasure to have around in this dump. She's wearing a sweater dress that I have never set eyes on before, with bold floral prints and a brown background to accentuate the pink flowers. She comes forward with a small paper shopping bag and I felt the need to stand up to show my respect. I bow, a formality I wouldn't waste on just anyone. But for someone as sweet as Kaoru, I don't mind. I hear Sanosuke chuckling as I sit back down.

"Whoa there, Clark Gable!" Sanosuke slaps my arm jokingly, "It's only Kaoru, sheesh!"

I grumble under my breath and rub my shoulder blade, "Shut up."

"Hey guys. I was with Soujiro today and he got me this dress. Do you like it?" Kaoru twirls around and the hem of the dress smoothly swishes across her leggings.

 _"It's so ky-ute!"_ Sanosuke flaps his hands flamboyantly with a high pitch voice, which made her giggle anyway.

"Did it cost much?" I asked.

"Around 36,000 yen." She nods happily. I almost wanted to hide my face in the folds of my arms. If I had that kind of money, Kaoru, I would've brought you something as nice as this!

Sanosuke whistles, "Damn. That kid's got more money than God."

"And we went to the tea shop and I got you fellows some boxes. I know you're a fan of green tea, Sanosuke, so here's one," She fumbles with her shopping bag to gather said tea box to hand it over to the brunet, "And Kenshin, I got you organic raspberry tea if that's okay."

I had to smile, blushing, "Sure. Thanks."

"Alright! Now I can cleanse my soul with this ish!" Sanosuke opens his tea box to inhale its scent.

"Kenshin," I look up at her as she says my name, "Is everything okay? You look down."

"I'm okay."

"You sure? Soujiro mentioned something about you two in some fight or something."

I can feel my face burning now, and I scoff, "Oh, you know him by now. Guy's a total drama queen."

While Sanosuke and I chuckle to ourselves, Kaoru frowns, "Kenshin. Did you say something about his mom?"

I freeze, looking up at her, "What? No? I mean.. All I asked was for her name. I just.. I couldn't find her information anywhere and, well.. he promised.."

Her frown deepens, "Promised you what? Kenshin, I really care about you and we've been friends for a lot of years, but.. This isn't like you. Why would you poke and probe someone's dead mother like that? Even if Soujiro promised you, what? Transperancy? Do you still not trust him or something?"

My stomach flips but I stand up to meet her eye to eye, trying my best not to look threatening towards her of all people, "Kaoru, it's not like that. I'm scared of this guy. Who does he think he is, buying us all this stuff when we hardly know the guy? Doesn't that sound any alarms inside your head?"

She shakes her head, obviously upset, "No! He's not a bad guy, Kenshin! It would've made sense if all he did was buy us off, but.. He's helping you with your homework, isn't he? He's making you better at school, right? Even the teachers are looking at you in a new way. A really better way. He obviously cares about us like a real friend, Kenshin!"

"Guys, come on, calm down." Sanosuke now stands up to place his hands on our respective shoulders. I roll mines away from his grasp.

"I'm not going to that stupid party of his, but you guys are more than free to. Seeing as how he's done a great job stealing all of you from me in less than a week.. I gotta hand it to him. He's a lot smarter than he lets on, I guess!" I start to turn around to walk towards my front door, when a pair of hands grab my shoulders to whip me back around. And I see it. Kaoru's eyes, filled with bitter tears.

"Kenshin, stop this! This has to stop! You can't keep closing yourself off from anyone that comes into your life just because Hiko failed at being your father!"

I can feel my eyes losing focus, wide and in shock over what I'm hearing coming out of her mouth. The silence afterward is deafening. Kaoru, who is usually more on the quiet side and always respectful, now seem to take on a whole new persona thanks to befriending Soujiro Seta. More confident and more.. I don't know.. expressive? I think I like this side of her, but then I wonder if it even comes from a good place at the same time. What if Soujiro betrays her friendship with him? How will she take it? How would she recover from that? That's why I'm so apprehensive over him in the first place. Kaoru doesn't have a lot in her life.. Why should anyone take any more things from her like this? It's enough to make me go ballistic. Life just isn't fair to some of us.

But like with Sanosuke, I knew I had to bite my tongue. My friendship to these people mean everything to me. So I just look the ground as my sign of defeat, to which Kaoru then takes it upon herself to hug me tightly.

"I'm sorry. About Hiko." She whispered in my ear and I just hug her waist tighter.

...

"So, will you be at Soujiro's party then, Kenshin?"

"I guess."

If I bite my tongue anymore.. Will it fall off?

 _ **[Saturday]**_

During Friday, I ignored Soujiro, and he made it a point to avoid me as well. At lunch, I find myself sitting alone in our usual spot, since it looks like Soujiro decided to take everybody else out to a resturant. Without inviting me. God, that hurts so fucking much.. To just be shoved aside like this. Soujiro really knows how to manipulate people and situations to his advantage. He's the victim now, and I'm the big bad guy who had to nerve to ask about his dead mom. Shame on you, Kenshin! Although, it seems like my relationships with my friends hadn't suffered too much when I see them in the hallway or in the couple of classes that we share together. They still talk to me like nothing has changed. I don't see Soujiro around much, and for once, I can breathe easier. I think. It still feels awkward.

Soon, it was Saturday, late into the afternoon. I gave Hiko the heads up that I'll be gone tonight and might not return until early the next morning. Seeing as how I'm eighteen, he honestly has no legal power to give me a curfew, and since he's fallen off the sobriety wagon, he has nothing else to stand on. So, he just gave me some yen just in case I need to eat something out there, since he will go to bed early tonight. I wanted to ask him how the job hunt is going, but I don't think my heart can take any more disappointments. Once again, I bite my tongue.

I drive in the red pickup truck and smoke my cigarette outside the window, ignoring the cold winds hitting my arm. Or my face. I've found a nice rock radio station and it plays "Nothing To Lose" by Suicidal Tendencies. My kind of jam. I drive over the small bridge and head towards the address that Kaoru texted me earlier today for Soujiro's mansion. _Mansion._ God fucking dammit. I roll my eyes and put on my turn signal to park next to the curb just a few minutes walk away from the destination. I refuse to park my baby truck next to the gate of that fascist fuck. I climb out and lock the doors, placing my hands in my back pockets as I walk on. Wearing shredded jeans, combat boots, a destroyed white shirt, leather jacket, and a bullet belt, I look ever so friendly as usual. Walking up to the tall gates, I click on the button to.. ring it, I suppose. There's a voice box and it suddenly buzzes.

"State your business." An unknown voice rips in. I blink, and I frown.

"Himura Kenshin. I'm one of Soujiro's.." I hesitate for the next word that comes out, "Friend."

I stand there in silence, feeling awkward. A moment of pause passes by when I hear a loud buzz and the gate in front of me automatically opening, and I slip through it. The drive way is a bit long, and up ahead, I see the ginormous mansion. Holy fuck. It's _huge._ Soujiro really is living large in more ways than one. I take my time walking up to that place, the night time setting in quicker by the minute. I ring the door bell and sway from side to side casually, looking around at the pretty front porch and all the potted plants and other trivial decorations. I hate to admit it, but I don't mind hanging around here just to chill. It's nice. The door opens and I see it's Megumi and Misao, dressed to the nines with new clothing. I guess Soujiro took them out shopping too before the party. I fight the urge to show my displeasure and smile instead, and they both squeal before jumping on me to hug me. I usually hate hugs, but damn, I really hope I don't lose these knuckleheads as my friends. I will fight tooth and nail to make sure it stays that way.

"You're here, you're here, you're here!" Misao lets go of me to do her little jumping dance around me.

"I fucking thought fo'shizz that you wouldn't come. God, I'm so fucking glad that I was wrong!" Megumi also lets me go just to kiss my cheek in greetings.

"You know the real party doesn't stop until I arrive." I smirk arrogantly, placing my hands on the small of their backs, "Ladies, allow me to escort you in."

They giggle at my uncharacteristically flirtatious nature, perhaps wondering if I'm just copying Soujiro or mocking him behind his back. But it's all in good fun, really. The mansion inside is as spacious as one would expect; in fact, it looks and feels even bigger indoors than it appeared from the outside. It smells really nice here. There's these nice art pieces on the walls everywhere, and a grand piano in the giant living room, which is where everybody else is hanging out in. The music is booming with a decent song, and walking alongside the speakers and the laptop, I see it's "Are You Ready For Me" by Pretty Vicious. The rooms are illuminated either by candles or techno light shows, so I really can't pinpoint anymore stuff that Soujiro and his father owns. I wonder if the father is around. Nah, that wouldn't make sense. He wouldn't approve of this in the first place. Maybe he's away on some business trip, so Soujiro took this as an opportunity to party. I head into the kitchen to take a bite of the snacks that lays on the island table, looking around at all the cooking appliances that I've never laid eyes before. I bet his fridge is stacked as fuck right now. Man, I'm starving.

Would he mind if I looked inside the fridge?

It's amazing how stubborn I am even in the face of being totally screwed in resources.

"You're here."

I almost jump out of my skin when I hear someone whispering behind me. Carefully, I look over my shoulder and see that it's Soujiro in the flesh. The kitchen door has been closed, so the music is delightfully muted. Must be the cool soundproof walls or something that could get something as loud as that, to be as quiet as this. I turn around completely to face him, leaning against the kitchen counter before I shrug, "Yeah."

He's wearing black jeans with some rips and tears, chuck taylor sneakers, a body hugging red shirt with some band name on it, and purposely messy bed hair. He looks.. Different. Like, in a good way. It's definitely a far cry from the pristine goody two shoes getup he usually wears for school. This punk like appearance seems to make him look even better than usual. I grimace to myself at these thoughts, and try to ignore it. He finally speaks up, "I've been meaning to talk to you today, but I wasn't sure on how to open up the dialogue."

I lean my chin back and sigh a little dramatically, "Seriously, Soujiro, just drop it. Okay? I'm fucking sorry for what I said Thursday about your mother. You're right, okay? You deserve your privacy and I need to chill out. Maybe there are things I shouldn't meddle with even if I have the right to probe for my friends safety."

"Safety?" I hear his voice dropping an octave lower, and looking straight ahead again, he looks a little hurt and angry.

Uh oh.

"Yeah.. I mean.." I grunt, "I don't trust strangers. That should be obvious to you by now."

He takes a step forward and places his hand on his chest, "I thought we've gone over that! I'm not a stranger to you anymore, Kenshin! I know we've only known each other for almost a week, but damn you, asshole! I helped you with your fucking homework, didn't I? I made your friends happier than they've ever been, haven't I? So then, what more do you want? What more do you need?!"

 _[_ _Cos we've waited all our lives  
_ _And now's our fuckin' time.]_

I lean away from the counter and point my finger to his face, "Fuck you. I never asked for your help, or your money. You wanna be with my friends? Fine. Just don't talk to me anymore if it can be helped. Cause I sure as fuck don't need you in my life. I'm going out for a smoking break, so don't follow me."

"Yeah, that's right!" Soujiro places his hands on his hips as I walk past him, damn near screaming, "Just fucking _run away_ like you usually do!"

I'm so glad the music on the other side is so loud. Nobody must know what happens in this room between Soujiro and I. That's just the way I like it.

 _[_ _'Cos we've waited all our lives  
_ _Yeah, we're coming.]_

I soon find myself walking out of the mansion from behind, ignoring all the fountains and other neat add-ins that must surely cost more than my fucking truck. Or even my entire house, in general. The Setas have these gardens of roses and other flowers everywhere, along with an outdoor grill and an unused Jacuzzi that is covered for the winter. I keep walking until I am about to enter a labyrinth, and take a couple of corners in there to light up a cigarette. This is nice, being far away from anything painful like what just happened at the kitchen. The air is colder now that the night time is in full swing, but I don't care. I'd take this over being near Soujiro again.

I just hate that everything and everybody is so fucking against my suspicions over him. I hate that I don't have the social, or the economical, power to stand up for myself or what I think is amiss. I hate that Soujiro has the looks, the charms, the background, and the money, to just lead a herd behind him and away from me. I fucking hate that I don't have money, enough to make a difference. I hate that I don't know how to react to such a beautiful home like this, except with anger and envy. I hate everything. I inhale my cigarette and exhale with pungency. Okay. Calm down, Kenshin. You got this. If you can do some more research, without having to ask Soujiro anything, you could potentially find something to expose him soon enough. You're smart enough to do that. You just need to calm the fuck down and do this on the down low.

Piece of cake, right?

Right.

My phone buzzes in my jean pocket, so I retrieve it to find a text message from Sanosuke: _dude where r u?! we are about to drink from a muthafuckin keg, so get ur ass in the living room pronto!_

I switch off the screen and place it back in my pocket, flicking off my ciggarate butt on the ground before stomping on it for good measure. I mean, I'd love to burn this entire fucking place down as much as the next person does, but I think I'll hold off until I have all the information I need to humiliate Soujiro and his father. Who knows what kind of fucked up secrets they hide from the rest of the world. It is my duty to find out and expose it all for ordinary people like myself to prevent further brainwashing. If what Soujiro said about money not always buying you happiness is real, then I hope he realizes how true it is when his entire life falls apart. Let's see how much money it takes to fix what I will destroy. I am almost one corner turn away from out of the labyrinth, when I see a dark figure walking up towards me and pushing me to the ground. I grunt in anger and lean on my elbows to see who it was who did that. But before I could react, the person sits on my stomach and grabs the collar of my shirt to pull me closer. That's when I could smell it. That fucking cologne.

There's a certain redness interloping within his blue eyes, either from smoking weed or crying, who knows. All I know is I want him off of me, now! I growled, "Get the fuck off of me, you fucking creep!"

"Not until you apologize to me, you son of a bitch!" Soujiro sounds hoarse for some reason, not letting me go as I struggle. He lets go of the collar and pins his hands on my arms so that I can't grab him or punch him, which only leaves me defenseless at this point. Despite his seemingly thin figure, he sure feels a lot heavier than he looks.

"To hell with that! I'm never going to say I'm sorry to someone like you!" I bark in his face, which only makes him even more distressed.

"All I ever wanted was to be your friend! Why can't you accept that? Why do you have to make everything so hard?!" Soujiro is nearly yelling in my face, the smell of rum clear on his tongue. My heart is racing. Is Soujiro going bonkers or something? He seems really cracked this time. Psycho.

"Get your Fatal Attraction ass off of me!" I yell even louder than him, which only prompted him to press his forehead against mines hard and get me to calm down, "Get the fuck off of me or I will scream!"

"Scream all you want, that music is going to drown everything. You're mine."

My heart stops at that last sentence, my face feeling clammy and wet with sweat. I just lie there while Soujiro continues to seethe and pressing his head against mines into the ground. Some time passes before he realizes that I've given up fighting, and carefully leans away from my face to blink down at me. My deadpan face tells him that I've given up and that it's going to be okay. He chuckles quietly and whispers, "Are you done?"

I don't answer but my glare tells him what kind of stupid fucking question is that. Of course I'm done. I'm not struggling anymore, aren't I? He laughs a little harder at my expression. I refuse to even smile a hint over this. This isn't funny at all. I want to go home already. Or someplace else entirely. This party sucks and I just don't want to be here anymore. I look at how his shirt seems to cling on to his body shape, wondering where he even got that shirt. The fabric seems questionable.. It doesn't seem something that a rich boy can pick out from some ritzy store. I could have sworn I could find something like that in some hole in a wall place where they sell rocker garb for literally a few yen at best. It's just weird seeing him in it.

Our eyes watch each other, his hands still pinning me. The only sounds are the insects buzzing in the taller grasses as well as the thumping bass of the music inside the house. It's either that, or my chest. I can hardly breathe for some reason. His eyes scan over my face, and he closes his mouth. I wait, growing more confused by the second. Is he going to get off of me soon?

And then, it happened.

He locks lips with me and my mind goes white, like a heart monitor going flat line. His lips brushes against mines, grabbing my lower lip to swipe his tongue against my own, and my mind is still blank with deep shock. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. I couldn't do anything or say anything. All I could feel is his mouth going on a town with mines, and I hate to admit this, but he's definitely had practice back in Tokyo over this. He's got the techniques down to pat. He kisses me deeper by sliding his tongue down my mouth hole, my eyes involuntarily flickering upward from the strange sensation. I.. I'm not enjoying this. Do I like this? No, this is wrong! It's fucking wrong!

When his hands soften from his hold on my forearms, I sit up with all of my strength and the impact knocks Soujiro right on his back. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, "What the fuck was that?! Are you a homo or something?!"

That's not even the worst part. I'm pitching tent in my pants and even he could tell from that weird smirk on his face. I blush and struggle to get up, but I am too late; Soujiro grabs my waist with his arms to get me to smack my kneecaps down on the ground, fiddling with my belt meanwhile. I look around me helplessly, unable to find my voice to scream out for help. And even if I could, who in the world could hear us? Never mind that, but we're safely hidden from anyone else looking at what's happening. No, everyone else is busy having the time of their lives in that mansion. There were faces from so many classes that we both share, people who I couldn't really pin their names. Would they care about me enough to stop this?

No. Of course not.

I'm alone in this emergency.

Who wants to save a savage like me?

"S-Stop it!" I finally find my voice to get his attention from his lustful state, "Soujiro, stop!"

He doesn't care to listen to my pleadings, or even care that I'm smacking the sides of his head with my hands, or grabbing his hair to try to pull him away from me. He pulls the hem of my jeans down along with my boxers, revealing my embarrassing secret right out into the open air. My face feels smoldering from the heat of my blush, covering my mouth with my hand at what is happening. This isn't real. This is a nightmare come true. Soujiro takes a pause to admire my hard on, eyes almost closed from his arousal. And before my mind could register the next thing, he opens his mouth to start swirling his wet tongue around its head. I gasp and a groan erupts from me, biting my fist so that I can kill the sound as soon as it came out.

I didn't know his tongue could feel so hot against my skin.

He goes down on me, deep throating and doing all kinds of crazy shit on it. I've received oral from countless girls before, but this is something different. I don't know what it is. It just seems easier for him to swallow it whole and not gag as much as the girls did. He takes his hands to grab my buttocks to bring me closer and I blush deeper, steaming on the inside. The actions of his tongue and his full lips soon couldn't be ignored by me anymore. It feels fucking fantastic. I bite my fist harder to prevent him hearing my moans, though it gets harder the more Soujiro licks the sides of my cock with that carnal smile on his face. Does this mean I actually like this? I shiver as the first pre-cum beads on the head of my dick, all the while Soujiro is flickering the tip of his tongue on the underside of the length.

I can't like this. I can't enjoy this. My mind is screaming in horror at the sight of this. But my body thoroughly enjoys this and welcomes this. I couldn't fight back anymore. Soon I stop pulling on his hair and just let both of my hands run through it gently instead, tilting my head back to enjoy this. Nobody has to know about this. Maybe it's normal to have one gay experience before or during college, right? Who cares? Even Misao told me she's kissed Megumi in a drunken state before, and who knows what else they've done together behind closed doors. Aw, fuck, Soujiro, you have such an amazing mouth. I let myself moan and exhale shakily, gently grabbing his hair to make him deep throat me some more.

"Soujiro.." I hear myself whispering before I could stop myself.

It just felt so right to say his name right now.

He stops sucking and leans in to lick my torso, my stomach flinching back from that sudden action, and I hear him whispering back, "Kenshin."

Maybe it felt so right for him to say my name, too.

He leans back and looks up, his blinking rapid and there's tears coming down his face. I frown, unsure of how to react to that. Why is he crying? Shouldn't he feel victorious? Taking down the school's biggest rebel and humiliating him like this? Why would he be sad over this? We look into each others eyes and then he opens his mouth to continue to go down on me. I purse my lips to quiet my moans and groans as it continues, until I could no longer hold it in anymore and cum inside his mouth. The last few spurts makes me flinch, and then I sigh, relaxing completely. Soujiro slides it out of his lips and wipes his chin with the back of his hand, a small hiccup erupting from him. I had to smirk a little, since it sounded eerily adorable. He sits up to look at me, his face solemn and dead serious. I sit still, waiting for him to speak.

"You said I should be completely transparent, right?" He smiles sadly.

My eyes widen and I didn't know what to say, so I just nod.

He smiles wider, taking his sweet time to formulate his thoughts. His hair is even messier than before. Those piercing blue eyes. That perfect face. He looks into my eyes again, and what he said next, I will never forget:

"I love you, Kenshin."

 _[_ _Yeah, you ready for me?  
_ _Are you ready for me?  
_ _Are you ready for me now?!]_


	5. Are You Ready For Me?

_Author's note: Hey everyone. I am finally back home with my parents and siblings, and away from the abusive person in my life. It's going to be okay. I won't lie, it's hard on some days and then it's dandy on all the other days. I know I deserve better than this. Thank you all so much for your kindness and patience. You deserve so many new stories from me after I complete this one. :D_

 _Just a reminder, because I know you guys love to comment about how the characters in my stories behave.. but Kenshin and Soujiro in this fanfic are going to be hella P-R-O-B-L-E-M-A-T-I-C and you'll soon find out why in the end. Kenshin's not just some evasive cool bad ass, but he too has a lot of serious problems of his own. Just a little warning. ;)_

 _Enjoy! A new update will come around next Friday, so keep your eye out for it!_

* * *

 _"Hush  
_ _Let's kick it in to touch  
_ _And wash away the sludge  
_ _That's withering our minds."_

\- Pretty Vicious

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Where am I?

All around me is dark, with no beginning, and no end. No walls, no floors, no ceilings, no light, no humanity. I'm all alone in this vortex. It feels cool all around me and the hairs behind my neck stood up. I take some wary steps forward, my shoes orchestrating loud echoes, as if I'm inside a chamber of some sort. What is this place? I rub my hands up and down on my forearms, the temperature dipping the further I walk ahead. Pretty soon my bottom lip starts to quiver and my teeth are chattering on the inside, looking frantically all around to see if I can find an escape.

Am I.. Am I dead?

As if that thought was heard and recognized, I hear something being turned on and I look over my shoulder with a startled gasp. Way ahead, I see a small gray light illuminating from the ground up, and a ring of bodies floating in a circle. With their heads down, and limbs limp, they don't seem to be alive at all. Are those corpses? I tighten my eyes to get a better look, walking towards them hesitatingly. The bodies float in a counter clockwise circle around the light slowly, not rousing awake even as I step near them to watch them. I don't know if I should be curious or disturbed. Who are these people? Are these people that I know? Their skin looks ashen and gray with decay, with no indication of their genders or any other unique characteristics. They're like empty dolls, devoid of any meaning or purpose.

I shake my thoughts and turn around to walk away, looking all around me and calling out if somebody can hear me. Soon I lose my voice, and every time I would open my mouth to scream, all I hear is a low booming noise playing back. Like a bass guitar playing a really long, senseless note. I soon give up. There is just no point continuing. I think I'm all alone here. Hearing something else, I look towards the floating group of corpses. I see that there is now someone standing in the middle of them. Shuffling closer, my skin almost numb from the freezing temperature, I see that it's a young man. A young man nearly as tall as I am, about the same age as I am, and looking up at the area above him and around. I can hear him giggling at the corpses that float around him, clearly entertained by it. This reminds me of my gross art, honestly.

Coming closer, I can see now who I am looking at. It's Soujiro. With his gray shirt bouncing off from the color of his eyes, it almost looks like his eyes aren't blue anymore, but a strange muted gas tone instead. Like I'm looking at a blind animal or something. He turns to me, that smile still on his face, though it falters when he recognizes me. I blink, waiting. He doesn't say anything, not for a very long time, and I don't say anything either. The corpses continue to float around him like normal. Suddenly, a thought pop into my head, and I wonder, what if I made the first move? Would he respond well to me? I decided to give it a shot. Reaching up with my left hand, I thrust my arm forward gently, as if wanting to shake his hand. He looks at my hand, tilting his head, just as he would usually do. Then he tilts it the other way, smirking. What's he thinking, I wonder?

"Take my hand." I say, though the words were constructed in bass sounds again.

But, I think he actually understood me. Because he then takes it with his hand, the only warm thing in this cold vortex.

I look at our hands, in union. Slender fingers enclosed around rough calloused ones from being so good with my hands. Then my eyes flicker up, and I gasp startlingly. All the corpses are gone and now it's just him and I. His long eyelashes look strange on him, being male and all, but his rosebud lips seem.. I blink softly, walking closer to him. I don't know what came over me, but I start to kiss him. I stroke the side of his soft face, while my other hand pushes the small of his back forward so that we can be closer. Together. The same, hot, wet, slithering tongue that I've experienced from that night at the mansion, feels just as amazing inside my mouth as it did when it was somewhere else on my body. I moan with a surprised gasp over that distant memory, remembering the orgasm he's given me. We kiss deeper, a soft moan now coming from him, his arms wrapped around my neck now. The vortex suddenly picks up the temperature and it starts to feel sweetly warm now, the sense of my skin coming back from its numbing pain.

I wonder how you'd feel if I fucked you right now.

I break the kiss with a breathless pant, our faces a mere centimeter away from each others lips.

I whisper, "Soujiro..?"

His smile couldn't be put into words to match its pure happiness. He must've suffered for eons before I bestowed that kiss on his lips. And he says something, but only his lips move with no sounds. My brows furrow, shaking my head. He tries again, taking the sides of my face with his hands lovingly.

"I can't," I continue to shake my head, "I can't hear you, Soujiro."

He tries, one more time, his smile fading the more he fails to do so. Oh, Soujiro. I feel pain inside my heart, watching him crumble in my arms. He looks around the darkness, oblivious and confused. I grab onto him so that he doesn't collapse, and he tries, again and again and again. And over and over again, not a single sound is heard. He looks so helpless, like a bird with a broken wing. And yet, I don't force him to say anything anymore. I just embrace him tightly, the smell of his hair sweet as flowers. He stops and hugs me back, the warmth overwhelming now.

Soujiro..

I hear him suddenly, whispering in my ear, _"Wake up."_

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I wake up, slowly, cautiously. It's Saturday. I don't know what time it is, but I think it has to be around noon. I'm not one to stick to a predictable timetable, after all. Sitting up with an uneasy grunt, I rub my eye and shuffle my hand through my messy mane. What am I going to do today? I guess I could study, but the rebellious side of me doesn't want to. The other side of me is also sick with nervousness; Of having to read _his_ handwriting and notes all over my books, papers, and folders. Soujiro's helping me study and pass the senior year, and for what? So that he could suck my dick? I flinch at that thought, completely unprepared to even hear it in my own voice. I can't believe last night happened. I can't believe he did that to me. I can't believe all the things he said afterwards―

"―H'oh, man!" Soujiro giggled as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, "You came a lot, didn't you?"

With a flurry of hurried actions, I quickly pulled my pants up and scramble to get up from where I sat, red and flustered, "W-why did you.. did you..?!"

"Aw, come on, Kenshin!" He laughs harder now, "It's all in good fun, right? You enjoyed it, and so did I. For all the shit I've been given you, surely this would be a nice compensation, right?"

"What the fuck does that―" I shake my head at the ridiculousness of what I'm hearing, "No! This isn't right! You can't just.. You can't just force yourself on someone like this! It's just.. I won't.."

I couldn't finish. Soujiro watches me, his arms crossed in front of him and biting his lower lip, waiting for me to continue. But I can't. Not with those piercing twin pools of ocean looking right at me. The words couldn't form and travel their way to the tip of my tongue as freely as they usually did. I was always one to speak my mind whenever I wanted to, no questions asked and without shame. But tonight, after what Soujiro did to me.. I can't even look straight ahead without feeling my face going up into flames. My stomach hurts from the anxiety quivers vibrating throughout. But looking at those desolate blue eyes, there really is something I needed to ask him. The words he spoke right after he pleasured me, the words I never thought I would hear from another man like myself.

"Soujiro.. Do you really.." I hesitate, my eyes flickering to the ground, "Do you really love me?"

Why am I so afraid of hearing the answer?

He doesn't say anything at first. My fists start to quiver, his silence killing me. Why won't he answer the question? I guess he really is that stupid! I glanced up defiantly, "Well?!"

Instead of flinching like I thought he would, he just giggles and takes his time letting it die down before answering, "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

"You don't," I use my hands for emphasis, _"know me!"_

"I do, in fact, _know you_ ," Soujiro's eyes quickly roll up and smiles with a hint of sarcasm, "It has been almost a week, but you opened up to me better than you have on the first day of meeting me. Your friends have already accepted as part of their clubhouse. And, well, there's really not much you can do about that without looking like a psycho to them. Right? Kaoru told me during class about your little freak out with her and Sano. How embarrassing."

My heart pangs at his cruelty. Who is this fucking monster? Who does he think he is? Does he really think of himself as omnipotence because of his heritage? I'm absolutely livid at this point. As the rage rises to my eyes, I can only muster the sheer will to just try and walk from him, but he easily blocks me with his hands on my shoulders. I forcefully grab his wrists to get them off of me, as if his touched burned my skin. Despite my strength and unpleasant demeanor right now, though.. Soujiro only stares at me blankly, shaking me to the core with an emotion I have never felt before. It can't be filed under fear, anger, or sadness, but it's something that really makes me want to hurl if I don't get out of here quickly. I shove him off of me and that's when he grabs my face to pull me into a kiss.

I make a sharp cry in surprise, grabbing his forearms without thinking or knowing how to get him off of me. For someone who looks so svelte like, there is a curious force in his hands and arms that commands immediate obedience to just give in to the kiss. All I can see is his closed eyes up close, my face no doubt as red as the evening sun. He breaks the kiss and leans away to look into my eyes, his expression still hard to read. Finally, he whispers, "I just love you, Kenshin. Okay?"

It pains me to look at his beauty.

With another peck on my lips, he doesn't let me have the chance to respond properly as he walks on away from me, not even bothering to look at the damage he's done. I watch him as he walks down and through the backyard of the mansion, trying to find my breath again. But why? Why does he love me? And what does he mean that he does, in fact, know me? The way he said those words might've seemed sarcastic on the surface, but I think there's something hidden underneath it too. Something else that he just isn't telling me. What else could that boy be hiding. At the sight of him closing the glass panel door behind him, I blink away my thoughts and decided to just go home. That's enough drama for one night. I think I'm gonna be sick.

After vomiting in my bathroom toilet, I let my body fall on my mattress to sleep the nightmare off. And now, here we are, in the next morning while I ruminate the aftermaths inside my head. Soujiro Seta couldn't have been picked up by anyone as one of _those_ people. You know what I mean.. like a homosexual. Coming from a corporation that is strict in its traditional practices and values, there is just no way that their son―who would soon be their head leader someday―could also be into having sexual contact with other men. Especially contact with men who have nothing to serve to society at large themselves. I blush, not knowing if I should be putting myself down like that. But it's just too difficult to believe that the cream of the crop of society, could ever be interested in a guy like me.

There's also no way that I have been his first conquest. That boy has skills with his lips and tongue that is unraveled by even the most seasoned girls I have been with before. My blush runs deeper, remembering the details of last night's activities; the way he lustily looks up at me as he swallows me entirely, the light grazing of his teeth against my hot flesh, the saliva and my cum mixed in his mouth as he happily drinks it all. An intense pulse hits my lower regions and I grab the cloth of my boxer shorts with a sharp gasp, suddenly needing to take a shower. Desperately. As the warm water hits my head, I start to masturbate furiously, trying to replicate the feelings of Soujiro's mouth with just my hand. The amount of pressure he used, the speed, all of it. Within minutes, I convulse and shiver, and that's when all the other emotions hit me all at once.

Shame. Guilt. Disgust.

I hit the shower floor without a care, sobbing in my hands.

What have you done to me?

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"Kenshin, are you alright?"

I blink once, coming up from a cloud of daydreams to look at Hiko from across the table. We're having breakfast. Apparently I did wake up early enough to spend time with him. His eyebrow cocks upward, waiting for my response. I frown, closing my eyes to dig into my food without giving him the satisfaction.

"I thought I heard you falling in the shower. You didn't get hurt, did you?"

"I'm fine." I reply curtly, stabbing my utensil into the fish.

"You don't look fine."

"When have I ever looked fine to you?" I shove said piece of fish inside of my mouth.

"Good point. But," Hiko's chuckle is surprisingly sweet despite the awkward situation, "I can just tell by your face that something is bothering you."

"Nothing is bothering me. Now stop it." My eyes flash open to end my sentence with a look alone: _I mean it._

Hiko deflates, giving up. Good. More quiet time so that I can finish eating my goddamn breakfast in peace. Afterwards, as I get up from the table to put the dirty dishes away, Hiko decides to try one more time with a gentle demeanor, "Son, I'm sorry if I'm annoying you right now. I'm just worried about you, that's all. I know that you are going through a lot and I understand that a lot of those issues stem with me and my.. Addiction. Just know that I've gotten rid of all the alcohol from this place and called all the local bars and brewers to ban me from from buying their stuff. People around here, I think.. I think they want to see people like me to get better. I hope that it means something to you, Kenshin."

I turn towards him, at a loss for words. I don't have it in me to give him lip anymore. Carefully setting the plate in the sink, I nod with a quiet voice, "Of course."

We were quiet for a moment. I hope I'm not blushing in front of him.

Hiko pipes up, "So! What is my son doing today? Will he be seeing his friends, do a little shopping, perhaps?"

I smirk, "Like I have the money."

"Oh, I have just the thing!" Hiko struggles with getting his wallet from his pocket jean before flipping it open to get some notes out, "Here."

"No way, dad, keep it," I place my hands up as I shake my head, "You need it way more than I do."

"No, no, trust me, I.. I have some yen here so that you can at least go and eat something with your pals." Hiko insists and shows me the money in his hand, "I got a call from a job and they said they'd like to schedule a second interview with me. With just their manager. It's looking really good for me, son. I want you to know that it's going to be okay again."

I gape at him. Then I stare at that money. It feels wrong to accept money from a near penniless drunk. I wince inwardly at that word. No.. I don't see him as a drunk anymore. A victim, perhaps, but not a drunk. I sigh, taking a couple of steps forward to accept the money, "You sure about this, dad?"

"A hundred and twenty percent sure! Now, get the heck outta here and go see your friends! Tell Sano I tell his father hello."

Speaking of hello..

"Where have you been?!"

I wince at Misao damn near screaming when I reached Sano's front lawn, and I don't have the strength to counteract like I usually do. Too much has happened for me to behave normally right now. And I also don't want them to know a single hint that something fucked up has happened to me last night, either. It could wreck the entire group dynamic as I know it. No way am I letting my little sexual escapade with Soujiro get in the way of my lifelong friendships. Uh uh. Nope. No way. I open my eyes to a pissed off and blushing Misao, and I smile with a little shake of my head. Which, of course, seemed to have angered her even more. She's like a little teapot ready to blow up in a steam. I chuckle and that disarmed her, leaving her in a state of confused blinking.

"Hey!" She bounces back with more vigor, her fists up and shivering, "We were all worried sick about you last night! You just up and disappeared without even telling us, and.. and I thought.. WE thought, that you.. died or something!"

I shrug theatrically, "Well, I'm not."

"Ooh!" She seethes, turning around to stomp up the small set of stairs of Sano's front porch, where he sits leisurely and smoking a cigarette.

"Yeah, sheesh, Shinta, at least text me before you leave, okay? I woulda whooped someone's ass if they tried to hurt you." With his cigarette dangling in his mouth, Sanosuke thrusts one fist into his other open palm as a demonstration, "Just let us know the name and his address and I'll end his life."

Even if that guy's name is Soujiro Seta and his address is where you all had the most fun last night?

But of course, I don't join in and just grunt to let him know that I'm dropping this conversation. I come on over to sit down next to Sanosuke, where he hands me his cigarette to join him on his smoking break. I accept and take a puff, the embers glowing like a demon's eye against the light gray skies. I wonder what shall we do today? I only have enough money for takeouts tonight, but maybe the gang would like to do something extra special today. And ironically, just as that thought enters and leaves my head, Sanosuke's phone vibrates in his leather jacket to which he retrieves to read the text message.

"Hey, it's Soujiro," His eyebrows jump up with a surprise, "He says: _I'm bored as fuck. Let's go to the zoo today. I'm paying._ "

I scoff, flicking the cigarette in my hand to get rid of the extra ash, "Why, so he can join his original family at the monkey pen?"

Sanosuke sniggers at my quip, "Probably. But man, was that house party of his crazy last night, or whaaaaat?"

My stomach does a flip, remembering. But I don't let it show, and just shrug with one shoulder casually.

"So like, why'd you leave you so early last night?" Sanosuke starts typing on his phone meanwhile.

I roll my eyes, sighing, "It's nothing. I got sick suddenly and had to throw up."

"Yeesh." Sanosuke grimaces and I hear the sent tone playing on his mobile phone. He probably agreed to the zoo date with that little swine. God, just shoot me now. Before I knew it, we were all at the bus stop about a ten minute walk away from Sano's house, waiting for the metro to arrive. Cars zoomed past us as me, Sanosuke, Misao, Kaoru, Megumi, and Yahiko all huddled and joked around. I tried my best to keep my normal face on, though its difficult. I can't keep the fresh memories of last night out of my head. I look at my friends and I ache inside my heart at knowing how they'd react to finding out that I actually enjoyed having another man going down on me. The girls don't like the semi-homophobic jokes that Yahiko and Sano say, but they don't actively fight against it either. I remember how grossed out they felt when they found out about the girlfriend of Makoto Shishio is a bisexual woman. So imagine how the fuck I should feel right now.

Now imagine that feeling amplified when someone comes strolling up to us with that perfect smile and a friendly wave of their hand. Soujiro is dressed in a delightfully casual attire that still screams quality; a white polo shirt under a navy blue cardigan, brand new Levi jeans tailored to fit his every crook and cranny, and suede boat shoes that could amount to my grocery bills times ten. He nods and acknowledges everyone in the group, and then his eyes flicker over to me. With that subtle smug smile playing on his lips. The same lips that were wrapped around my cock not even twenty four hours ago. It's like his face is saying, _"I have your secret in the palm of my hand. What oh what shall I ever do with it?"_ I swallow the bitter lump in my throat and evade his eyes as my friends clamor around him to compliment his appearance. Even Sanosuke said he looked like Soujiro has that _je ne sais quoi_ thing about him today. Like I said before, just shoot me now!

"I'm glad you said yes to my text message, Sano," Soujiro beams, "I'm really excited to go see the zoo with you guys. I think it's gonna be so much fun!"

"I'm just surprised they're still open so late in the year," Kaoru muses to herself, cupping her chin, "I don't think the animals that are for outdoors won't be there for us to see, would there?"

"They have things for indoors. Like giant snakes and bugs and spiders!" Yahiko laughs in a mocking evil tone, which earned a punch on the arm by Megumi, "Hey!"

"Stop fucking scaring us!" Megumi bleats, which made Yahiko throw a raspberry at her with his tongue. Sano had to chuckle while I scratch the side of my own face with annoyance. I refuse to look towards Soujiro to even know what his reaction to my friends' shenanigans are. Who the fuck cares, right?

"Oh hey, there's the bus!" Misao hops up and down excitedly just as the sound of the mechanical hiss and sigh of the metro bus comes rolling to the curb. The door slides open and we all head up, paying our fares. Thank goodness for cheap public transit. We head all the way in the back, as we tend to always do with bus rides since we were little kids, because then we are given the promise of privacy to just.. well, be ourselves. Without the rest of the world judging us or our poorly fitted clothes, or our messy hair. The dumb games we used to come up with when we were little still plays in my head from time to time. And it always made me smile.

Like right now..

"You look happy."

I jump, startled. Looking up, I see Soujiro peering over his seat at me with a devious little smile. I gape at him, unsure of what to say at first. But as the rebound instinct kicks in, I scoff and turn my face away to look at the window beside me, crossing my arms. Defiant and defensive as I always have been. Nothing is said between us for a while. The world brushing past the window couldn't look more beautiful; busy streets paving its way to a more natural scenery as we ride through the countryside, where the zoo no doubts has its large organization planted somewhere. I think it's so cool to have something like that near where I live, and certainly for animals to enjoy the fresh air too. But like Kaoru mentioned before, it's too cold for the animals to be outside, so the choices will be limited. I don't mind that. I just like spending time with my friends like this.

And I don't include Soujiro under that category for me.

I won't.

"Are you gonna ignore me now?" I hear that taunting voice above me, so sweet on the surface, and yet so acidic once you dig deep down. I don't respond, keeping my arms crossed to signal him to fuck off. He watches me while I keep my eyes hard on the windows. A soft sigh is heard. I squint, feeling a bit thrown off, but I keep my composure never the less. I hear him whisper, "Your friends are watching you, you know. Watching us. If you act like this, how do you think they will react?"

My eyes look at him now and I glower, "They don't have to know shit."

He nods, "I know. I agree with you. That's why I need you to act normal."

"This is my normal," I smirk, averting my gaze away to look that we are just a few minutes away until our destination, "And they're okay with that."

"Suit yourself." I hear him turn around to finally leave me the fuck alone. Thankfully since my friends were all messing around with one another, they had no idea of that strange conversation that we were having. What do they know? They don't know what it's like to have this sort of secret closed shut inside of their chests. As the bus pulls up, we all collectively climb down off of it and head inside immediately, the entire building cold with the AC blasting. Thank god for my shit hoodie. I zip up and so did my other friends, Kaoru complaining loudly at this inconvenience. Maybe I can use this as an excuse to wrap my arms around her. On a second thought, never mind; I see Yahiko wrapping an arm around her shoulders and chuckling with an inside joke, leaving her in a fit of giggles also. I deflate inwardly, and follow the group after the tickets has been paid by our sugar daddy.

I laughed out loud for a second, which caught everybody's attention, and Sano starts laughing with me too, "What gives?"

I shake my head, "It's nothing. Forget it."

"Kenshin's finally lost it." Yahiko grins like a little shit, but flinches in fear at my intense head on death glare.

"I like this side of you more!" Misao grabs my arm, "I just wish Aoshi was here to spend time with us."

"Where is he―" I'm cut off by Soujiro.

"Hey, check that out!" Soujiro nearly bumped by me as he rushes over to a glass display of these giant snakes, which no doubt caught the males' attention the most. The ladies in our group just held onto each other as they carefully walk together at all the displays of nocturnal creatures. And I am left alone, looking at Sano and Yahiko trying to get the snake's attention by tapping on the glass and making faces at it. Soujiro stands in between them, giggling at their bullshit, and I hate to admit this.. but I already lost it with a raging fire inside of me over having to witness that. I think I'll go use the restroom and wash my face. I need to cool down before I ruin this trip for everyone. So while the gang are busily distracted with the animals, I take my leave privately to find a bathroom nearby. It didn't take me long to find it, with all the helpful signs posted everywhere.

The bathroom door slams shut behind me before I walk on over to the sinks to turn on the faucet. Splashing the cold water on my face, I gravely exhale, hoping I can keep it together for the next couple of hours. Maybe I can leave the gang before dinner time with some bullshit excuse, like feeling sick again. Then again, knowing Soujiro's character at this point, I think he'll take it upon himself to buy me medicine or something else to fix it. I could bring up Hiko, but again, Soujiro might follow me home to "support" me, especially since that would look extra nice to the rest of the group. Fuck. How can I wiggle myself out of this trap? Especially without anyone else's suspicions over what has happened between Soujiro and I?

Especially with what happened the other night..

"Huh, nghh.." I groan into my hand, feeling the bile rising up and down inside my stomach. Okay, Kenshin, just calm the hell down. It's going to be okay. You got this. So what if Soujiro did that disgusting thing to you? Who would your friends believe in the end? You, the guy who's been in their lives for over a decade now.. or Soujiro, who they only met last week? You, who has lots of redeeming qualities and have helped them out of some very shitty situations before.. or Soujiro, who's got more money than God and can buy them anything they want? Anything their hearts desired? Anything at all? My hand slowly lowers itself from my mouth and I frown to myself at those thoughts. Of course. Of course they wouldn't want to lose Soujiro. Not when the money like this is so damn good and hard to resist. And even if they would rather die than lose me too, it's not like they'll choose me over him, or even make a choice at all. There will definitely be a lot of chaos in the group because of that quagmire.

Fuck.

Fuck!

What do I do?

The bathroom door opens and closes, and a set of footsteps echoing throughout the entire room is heard. I grip the sides of the porcelain sink and looking down at myself meanwhile, not bothering to check who it is. But then, I hear that person talking, and my brain instantly recognizes (and recoil) as to whom it belongs to, "You alright there, Kenshin?"

I shut my eyes painfully, gulping, "Yes."

"Are you sick? Should I get you something.." I can feel Soujiro's hand almost touching my forehead, but I instantly react just in time to deflect it with my arm.

"Don't touch me." I whisper vehemently, shooting arrows at him with my eyes, "Don't you _ever,_ touch me again!"

"Please calm down." Soujiro takes a careful step towards me despite my outburst, "I just want to help you."

"You wanna fucking help me? How about you literally just do what I ask you to, and don't," I shove him violently to the wall behind him as he nearly sobbed from the surprising force, "TOUCH ME!"

He pants, his expression on his face a wild mixture of shock and anger, as well as disappointment. Disappointed with how today is already going downhill, disappointed that I won't get over what happened last night, and more importantly.. disappointed in my behaviors. Well, good. I wasn't looking to get on his good graces in the first place, anyway. Take your gold star and shove it. Maybe this hair-raising eruption from me should serve him as a good warning of what else I am capable of in the future if he doesn't respect my boundaries. Because heaven knows he's crossed one too many lines with me as of late, and I will no longer stand for it. I take my leave, him watching me intently, angry wet blue eyes tinting his eyelashes with his tears.

I don't have to take this shit.

"I have to go." I hugged a surprised Kaoru, "I'm sorry."

"Kenshin?" She blinks at me, touching my face with her gentle hands, "Is something wrong?"

"What happened?" Misao joins in and takes my shoulder in her hand to rub it.

"It's nothing, it's.. It's Hiko. He just texted me and I think he needs my help. He's drunk again."

"Oh, Kenshin.." Kaoru's eyes seem to waver with tears.

"Well, maybe you can hail a taxi, cause the bus won't be back for another hour." Misao checks the time on her wrist watch, "Otherwise, maybe Aoshi can pick you up with his motorcycle."

"No.. I think the taxi is better." I smile at their kind dispositions, "Thank you. I appreciate it."

"Kenshin," Kaoru hugs me again, "Text me when you get home, okay? Especially if you need help, I'll be there as soon as I can."

"The same goes for me, too!" Misao nods with a beam.

You see what I mean?

I refuse to let my friendships go. Not for anything.

Especially for _him._

I talk to the front desk receptionist to ask for a cab ride home. She calls on her telephone for the taxi number, me looking over my shoulder meanwhile. Nobody is coming after me. I guess the girls told the guys to just let me be since it's about Hiko. The receptionist then smiles and asks me to take a seat to wait for the ride. I looked through my phone meanwhile, since I haven't even gotten any chance today to do so. From last night's party, I've received dozens of texts and missed calls from Sano and Yahiko, and a Facebook message from Kaoru asking me where did I go. I guess Megumi and Misao were too busy sucking face to even bother. It's alright, though. What's surprising, though, is that from last night to even this morning.. I haven't received one thing from Soujiro himself. It was like as long as he got a taste of my junk, that he wouldn't have cared if I ended up in some ditch somewhere. I know I shouldn't care, but..

It kinda stings. And I don't know why.

"Dad!" I rush into the kitchen where it seemed that Hiko hasn't left the room since this morning.

He looks up from reading the newspapers with a surprise, "Shinta?"

"Dad.." I give myself a few seconds to find my breath again, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come bashing in here. I just need you to do me a favor."

"Sure?"

"Don't open the door to anyone. Especially if it's my friends."

He gawks at me for a few seconds, ".. Um, sure? Why are you hiding from them, Kenshin?"

"It's nothing."

"Hey, that's bullshit," Hiko gets up from his chair, pushing it back while the stems screech against the floor, "I know something weird must've happened because I know you would do anything to stay out late with your friends. Especially on a Saturday."

I lost it.

"Dad, listen!" I shriek and feeling the heat on my face, "I just need you to trust me on this, alright! That's it!"

We glare at one another, time standing still. He carefully sits back down with a slump, not bothering to understand what the hell his son is talking about. I don't care. At this point, I just want to be alone. I enter my bedroom and lock the door behind me, and that's when I feel my phone vibrating wildly in my jean pocket. I fish it out, several different messages rushing towards the center of the screen like bats flying out of hell. One is a text message from Sanosuke.

 **hey kenshin u okay?! :( kaoru just told me about hiko, do u need me to come over?**

And another text from Yahiko.

 **DUDE WHAT HAPPENED**

And another from Megumi.

 **Honey, you alright? hmu if you want me to get you some food for dinner tonight, alright? xx**

My stomach drops. I found another text, and it's from Soujiro.

...

Holy shit.

 **You have got to be the worst person I've ever met. Who do you think you are, pushing people like that? I think you're sick! You're exactly as the stereotype people want to portray you as: A violent, low class, no good THUG. And to think I wasted my time helping you with your homework. Are you stupid or do you enjoy looking dumb in front of your teachers? Whatever. I don't give a shit about you anymore. I already got what I wanted from you and don't you dare even THINK about showing this message to your friends. Remember who has the money, remember who has the connections? Me. Not you. Me. And when the push comes to shove, even your friends will pick me over you. Trash.**

I breathe out, stunned. Wow. Such ugly little words from such a beautiful face. Once I got over my shock over this nasty message, I shake my head at his foolishness and shut my phone off for today. It's only three in the afternoon, so I think I'll practice on my guitar until dinner time. I suddenly feel inspired to conspire a song out of this chaos. Putting my phone on the charger, I pick up my acoustic guitar simply from the corner of my bed. I got on said bed and started tuning up the old thing, strumming some light notes as I do so to see if it's working correctly. Once I seem satisfied, I started playing melodies that meant nothing to me but it could have still made someone else happy if they could hear it. I'm glad I got out of the zoo before it got too heated. I don't think the guys would appreciate me raining on their parade with my usual whistle blowing antics. Even if I do have my heart in the right place. They just wanted to have a good time, and I left them to go have it. Just, not with that little prick there trying to rile me up every five seconds.

"Nothing but a violent, low class, no good thug.." I mutter, "A thug is what you are."

I'm not bothered by his text message. I just wonder how much truth there is in that entire wall of words that were expressed so passionately. It's enough to make one wonder, isn't it? But it definitely makes me happy to know exactly where I stand with him. He used me. He used me for my friends, he used me to protect him from other violent thugs like Shishio, and he used me to get himself off. Like I'm some kind of cheap whore, or something. I grimace, groaning in mild disgust. That boy has to be insane if he thinks he can get away with this. He's got the entire set going for him because of his wealth and good appearances. But I have an eye for unwavering truth to penetrate all of that and expose the evil for the entire world to see. That's really the only way I'm ever going to defeat him. I have to research and sniff around for more clues. So that's what I'll do.

I blink my thoughts away and check my phone for the time. It's already four-thirty in the afternoon, almost time for dinner. Holy shit. Where did the time go? It doesn't matter. I'm in the mood for takeouts. I wonder what Hiko will be having. Is he still home? I lay my guitar on my side and rush out of my bedroom to head down to the kitchen, like I'm suspecting that he'll still be sitting there unmoved for the entire day. But he's not there. I looked around me frantically, calling out his name a few times, and that's where I find his sticky note on the fridge. Oh god, what now!? I snatch the damn thing off from the refrigerator to read it up close:

 _A bit of an emergency interview at a new company, don't wait up for me. Order pizza if you must, I already gave you the money, didn't I? Love you._

I crumble up the note in my hands in a fit of anger. Goddammit, Hiko. Tossing it on the floor, I decided that I am too pissed off and way too famished to give this another second thought anymore. Pizza takes time to make around here anyway, so might as well call them early. After using my phone to call the joint, I hang up and decided to text the guys back that everything is fine and that Hiko is sleeping off his drunken stupidity. They all texted back that they are relieved to hear and if I'm still okay with hanging out with them later tonight. I told the group chat that no, I can't. That Hiko might need me for later on when he wakes up. They understood and dropped the subject, going on and on about the zoo meanwhile. I would add random "lol" and "cool" to appear at least semi interested of their day trip. Soujiro is offline in the group chat, so I guess he didn't saw my messages. Good. I did not bothered with replying to his long text message, either. What for, anyway? He'll just use my reply as a weapon against me later on. No need to give in to the fire.

Within a half an hour, the pizza has arrived. It is time for the beast to feast.

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 _Wake up._

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 _Please._

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Before I knew it, the weekend was over.

I hid from my friends on Sunday despite their best efforts in finding me. They would call me, text me, send me endless Facebook messages, and even rang my doorbell. But I told Hiko not to open the door, no matter what happens. And even if he accidentally did so, he just told them that I'm really sick from the takeout. I just needed to be alone. Alone in my thoughts, where I thrived best in. Sunday was spent in perfect solitude; playing video games, practicing on my guitar and writing the notes down on a piece of paper, finishing my Art homework, and any other homework that were beckoning me to complete them, and.. researching to high heaven over the blue eyed cheeky devil. Against the nausea I feel in the pit of my stomach, I went searching through his Facebook. His posts, his friends list, his photo timeline, everything. And the worst part, is that everything checks out as harmless. I bet that any negative comments from a "hater" has been moderated and deleted before it hits, which is the neat part of installing Fuckbook anyway. The truth just isn't trendy these days, don't you know?

There has to be maybe a comment that hasn't been deleted yet. Something that suggests criminality. There's hundreds of comments on his profile.. this could take a while. That's fine by me. I spent the majority of that Sunday combing through every single comments of his statuses, pictures, anything. I did find a couple of clues, even if it seems subtle from the surface. The first clue was a comment under his earlier photos, like when he was fifteen or sixteen years old and before he moved here. The comment was for a picture of him hanging out with a guy and a girl his age in an ice cream shop:

 **Wow. So that's where you were? Can you please call me for once?**

It's from another girl. Maybe an ex-girlfriend? That's good. I clicked on her profile and it seemed normal enough, really just your typical rich girl who's got everything on a silver platter. Just like Soujiro. I'm guessing they both went to the same rich private school together and went on some dates. I looked through her albums, trying to compare the dates of Soujiro's ice cream shop photo and her comment under that. I found them! Photos of them going out on dates. Very innocent looking dates, mind you. Jesus Christ, did they really fucked while wearing such demure clothing? It's like they're from decades ago when the thought of kissing your partner before marriage would be abhorrent. I rolled my eyes but kept looking through the comments meanwhile. Nothing stuck out. That's fine. I think I'll send her a Facebook message.

Luckily for me, she's that much of an attention whore that she left her profile public enough so that just about anybody could message her.

 **Hi there. You don't know me, but I understand you had a relationship with Soujiro Seta, is that right? I want to maybe have a conversation with you about him if that's okay. He's been acting very strangely since he transferred to my school, and was wondering if you knew why. Thank you and I hope I'm not being a bother.**

Thank you, proper etiquette.

She appears offline, but that's okay. Always time for a response. Combing through more comments, the second one that stood out was from his own father. It was under Soujiro's childhood photo where he sits in a big round table and has cake and frosting all over his face. Typical adorable childhood picture. I think it was for his fourth birthday. His father wrote the following: **There goes my baby boy. You used to be a bit of a porker, but you leaned out nicely during puberty. Thank goodness for that, huh?**

I frown deeply at that comment. Well that was just fucking weird.. I shake my head, trying to get a hold of myself. Okay, bit of a strange comment, but that's fine. I looked throughout his father's profile, where it looked totally official and completely serious. Lots of photos of highly private and glamorous events that only the richest could afford to attend to. Statues containing information about his company and events. And of course, lots of robotic comments from his colleagues. _Good job, man, you're so important and stuff, hurr durr._ Nothing really stood out, except for the fact that he really doesn't have any photos of his late wife or even his own son. No pictures of family homes, or vacations, or anything. It just felt.. cold and devoid of anything meaningful. Crap, even Hiko would have posted more mushy pictures of us together than Soujiro's dad has done. Maybe he's just that type of guy. A really serious and non-cuddly type of dad. I wonder if my blood father was the same, on some level.

I've looked around some more, but started to feel tired, so I'll do this during the rest of this week. That night, Hiko and I had dinner together, and it went really well. We had some talks, and some laughter, and he wondered if maybe we should watch a movie together. I usually would've rejected such an idea in the first place, but.. I don't know what it is, but after everything that's happened, I find myself having a renewed sense of patience towards him. I agreed to it, and we watched something action oriented. He kept making me laugh with his interjected comments about how much the actors sucked in it. That was fun. I took a nice evening shower before heading to bed. I really hope that ex-girlfriend would get back to me soon. I'm suddenly reminded of my prior relationship several months ago: Yukishiro Tomoe.

It was almost an unlikely romance. Tomoe and I met when we were just twelve years old. We were friends, she and I, even though she came from a family just a little richer than my step-father. We were friends because we just seemed to understand one another without too many words. It was really eerie. I wonder if she was not of this world, if she had come from another dimension entirely. She's really intelligent, though you wouldn't know it just by looking at her. She didn't talked much, but she did read. A lot. I had taken a love of reading because of her. She was there for me when Hiko started drinking a lot, and she never judged me for my anger towards him. Her father died because of alcoholism, so she knew what it was like. When we turned sixteen, something came over me, and I kissed her under the summer moonlight. We dated for a year until she had to move away, and we couldn't do the long distance, so we broke up. It was amicable, but very bittersweet. Because she was a girl of such few words, and a long distance relationship required so much contact.. Well, you get the idea.

I miss her sometimes.

...

The week after what happened at the zoo was filled with tension between Soujiro and I. He must've exchanged some emails with the teachers, because now, he sits all the way in the front in all of our shared classes. As far away from me as possible. It's like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. He made it a point to leave class first, and I made it a point to wait a minute before I would leave also, in order to keep the distance between us. Around mutual friends, we acted normal, but there was still a wall up to keep the other far away. We must be great actors, because our friends didn't really noticed much of a difference. There's not much to compare it to.. I've never been close or super nice towards Soujiro since day one, so the contrast wasn't as severe. He no longer talks or messages me about study hall, so I don't go to study hall. Instead, I use that period to have a smoking break out somewhere away from the school building, sketching for Art class every once in a while.

All of my homework were returned on time, and I am caught up with all of my classes. I tried to pay attention as much as my mind will allow to listen to the dribble of our teachers. Some classes are harder than others because of this. Soujiro's wrong about me. I'm not dumb.. I just don't have the patience for the unnecessary. And my teachers and their inane bullshit really are unnecessary. I really like classes like Philosophy because then we can think more, and talk less. And if there was more talking than usual, they weren't filled with empty fluff. Sometimes my eyes would stare absentmindedly at the back of Soujiro's eyes, just wondering what his next move is going to be. If he even makes another move, at that. He sounded pretty serious about ditching me in the text, and he doesn't even look at me in the eyes anymore, either. Oh well. Good fucking riddance. I'm glad I got rid of your crazy ass.

Days came and went. I hung out with Sanosuke and Yahiko, and Misao and Aoshi sometimes whenever they would hook up at her place. Anytime they suggest we go see Soujiro, that's when I pull out my list of excuses to leave early: I still feel sick, I think Hiko's drunk again, I have to study because I still feel behind on my work. They brought it all without question. Maybe they're having a lot of fun with Soujiro while I'm not around. Ignoring that prick inside my chest, I continue reading my homework on my desk back home, wanting to prove everyone wrong about me. I'm not a thug. I'm not some low class criminal. I can put something important into the world if I choose to. Soujiro's wrong about me. It just has to be untrue.

On Wednesday, three days after I sent that Facebook message to that girl.. I finally have a response.

 **Yeah hi, who are you? Well, I haven't really spoken to Soujiro in quite a long time, so I do wonder what in the world happened to him. I heard he got pulled out of our school from his dad because something kinda big happened... but like, nothing was really explained, so we were all just puzzled af lmao. I think he got really weird during the last bit of last year before he transferred to your school, but what do I know. Is he still crazy? Spill the deets, I so want the juicy details LOL!**

 _Yeah, he is still fucking crazy. Have you heard anything at all about the rumors?_

 **Not much, like I said, it was just really mysterious. But he did started like, bugging out and was acting out even during class. Would talk back at the teachers and it was wiiiiild. He was never like that before. So his dad pulled him out, and I guess transfered him to ur school?**

 _Yeah. He's getting better with the teachers, I think. Does all the work and shuts up._

 **That's good, i wish i could help more but i just would have to talk to our old mutual friends to get more details you kno? but let's add each other, ok?**

 _Sure. I g2g._

Okay, this is good. So I'm really not crazy and there really is something up with that guy. He was crazy in his last school? Fan-fucking-tastic. This is great news. It means I was right all along. As long as I'm patient and keep doing my own research on the side, me and this chick will pull the hood off of the liar in no time. I slept like a baby that night, and Thursday came and went as swiftly as one would expect. Soujiro and I still avoid each other, and we still act like nothing's wrong during lunch periods at school. We just don't make it a point to talk to each other anymore. And that's fine by me. More than just fine. This is heaven.

But heaven is a lie.

Friday afternoon fades in with a perfectly blue sky, perfect for the gym teacher to haul all of us outside for once. It was surprisingly very warm for autumn, but we didn't complained. I actually enjoy running around outside, since it relieves some of the stress inside. Today is the day for high jumping, and we all formed a neat line so that we each get a turn. I was all the way in the back, not wanting to be one of the first ones, of course. The only thing that's bothering me is that I haven't seen Soujiro in the changing room or even out here. Where is he? I guess he's late. Must be a first for a high achiever such as himself. It's cool, I don't care. Why should I?

The teacher blows his whistle, "Ichito, go! Himura, will you please look for Seta? He hasn't shown up but I think he might still be changing. Tell him to hurry up or I'll mark him as absent!"

I sigh, turning around to walk back inside the gymnasium to reach the locker room door. And just as I expected, it's locked. Ugh. Where the hell am I supposed to look? I sneer and turned back around, when I hear something turning. I look over my shoulder in time to see the door opening to reveal a gym-ready Soujiro, complete in a crisp white cotton shirt and black shorts. We looked at one another in surprise, but I guess I really have no choice but to tell him why I bothered to come looking for him. Don't want his insane ass go around thinking I've returned to him to apologize or some shit.

"Teacher was looking for you. You better hurry up or you'll get a zero for the day." I explained with hardened eyes, turning back around to walk away, when I felt his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Wait. Kenshin. I.." I look back again to see his eyes trailing down with guilt, "I'm sorry. For that horrible text message. I take it back, every single word of it."

I simply roll my shoulder away from his touch, "It's fine, let's just go."

"Wait a second. There's something I have to show you."

I scoff, "Nice try, but after what you did at your party, I don't think I could ever trust you alone with me ever again."

"It won't be like that. Trust me. It's about my previous school. You must be curious about that.. aren't you?"

What?

There's just no way..

It can't be..

It's impossible..

Does he know about me and his ex-girlfriend?

I whip back around in shock, "How did you..?!"

"I'm sorry? I mean," He frowns, "I thought you wanted to learn more about me. But we need to go some place private. Do you know a place?"

Oh. Thank fuck. I thought he somehow.. knew.

"The PE shed outside the corner is fine," I grumble as I walk on, hearing Soujiro following me behind. My heart better calm the fuck down, or else. We head out of the double doors out from the gymnasium where, up ahead, is our group still doing the high jump. We turn to the right to go inside the PE shed where they keep all of the extra gym equipment. I go in first, and that's when I hear a loud bang of the door shutting behind me. I flip around, "What the fu―!"

Soujiro grabs my face to start kissing me feverishly, despite my best efforts in trying to get away from him. But with that sweet, delicate feeling of his wet tongue wrestling with my own, I couldn't fight back anymore. I hate to admit this so much. I'd rather kill myself than to admit it. But fucking damn, I miss his mouth. I missed it during all of this time when we tried so hard to stray from each other. It was like the longer we were absent from one another, the greater the pleasure it would feel when we came back together. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. I hate myself for slowly returning the kiss, remembering the dream I had of him and those floating corpses. How delicious his mouth felt there and here right now. Everything about Soujiro is damn near perfect.

He breaks the long passionate kiss finally, whispering against my lips, "I missed you. So much."

I grunt, not knowing what to say.

He smiles never the less, "It's okay, Kenshin. I know you want the information. I know. And I will give it to you, if you could agree to one thing."

I pause, not liking where this is going. I don't do deals. But I know I must have the information that is so important to my investigation. I frown into his eyes, "What is it?"

He smirks, a clouding lust overcoming his gaze before he slowly leans in for a deep kiss. It took me by surprise and I moaned shakily while he french kisses me. I should know better, but I took him into my arms anyway, guiding the kiss this time. My fist curled into the back of his head to dominate him. And he lets me, letting me lead this dance of sin. Intensely focused in the kiss, I hadn't realized that we were both slumped on the floor until Soujiro breaks the kiss and starts messing with my gym shorts. I start to pant, feeling the tightening heat in my pants, desperate for more of what he did to me at the party. I can't believe he has this power and hold over me. How does this guy do it?

Should I even care?

With my hard cock in his hand, he bores his gaze deep inside my eyes, the sunlight peeking through the shutters reaching out towards him like long white fingers. He looks ethereal. I could hardly breathe, seeing his rare beauty so up close. He still hasn't told me what the deal was, but he wastes no time in leaning down to suck on the head of my sex. I bite my fist, quieting myself. The groan still erupts under my throat anyway. He sits back and starts pumping, the saliva serving as an adequate lubricant for a much better experience. My breath picks up the pace, and my face feels flushed. In between the pumps, he starts making these sounds of a sexual nature, almost as if showing me what it'd be like to fuck him for real. His eyelashes flicker across his cheeks, sculpted to a feline perfection. His mouth opens, sighing sensually, whispering, _"Right there, yes, oh god.."_ to me. The light from the outside makes his pale skin glow to a marble finish.

It's all too much.

I flinch, ready to cum, and he quickly goes down on me again to swallow my hot seed. I cry out in pleasure, feeling his tongue swirling and guiding my cum down his throat. How long has it been since we started? It felt like forever, but it couldn't have lasted more than a few minutes, not when he was making those hot sounds and faces like he was receiving my cock inside of him. With the last drop coming out of me, a shiver washes over me, and I am exhausted. He sits back up, cradling the sides of my face with his hands that feels too soft to belong to a man. My eyes open with a sleepy flicker, and I see him smiling.

"I'll give you all the information. All I want is for us to have sex with each other." He giggles at my stupefied expression, "I mean it. No commitment. No relationship. Just you fucking me, and me sucking you off anytime you want. Nobody has to know. Nobody. It's just a world where only we exist to each other. It'll be fun.. How about it?"

He kisses me before I could even answer, perhaps because he sees the flash of uncertainty in my eyes. So, he kisses me, in a way to remind me of just how good he could make me feel. We sit that way for a minute, and then he leans back, just a hair away from kissing me again.

I guess I am a fucking idiot.

"Sure. I.. I'd like that."

He smiles wider, a sinister thought flashing in his eyes.

"Perfect. Let's meet up at my mansion after school."

He kisses me again.

 _"You're finally mine.. Kenshin Himura."_


	6. Tear You Apart

_Author's note: Hey guys. :( I'm so sorry for the late update. My life is still a bit topsy turvy for me, emotionally speaking. I'm in therapy, maybe I haven't talked about that in my previous update. But it's a lot for me to go through with my abusive partner and recovering from such a terrible thing. I'm thinking, instead of writing updates that are 10k+ words long, to just try to clock in 5k-ish every week so as to not overwhelm myself too much. It means shorter updates, but at least they will come in on time every week instead of me disappearing for 2-3 weeks at a time, you know? I hope you guys understand._

 _Someone mentioned a mistake I made about the gym shorts thing from last chapter, soo... I'm gonna totally fix that, lol. Thanks for the heads up!_

 _Enjoy! This chapter is pretty dark, so just a warning._

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 _"I want to hold you close  
_ _Soft breaths, beating heart  
_ _As I whisper in your ear:  
_ _I want to fucking tear you apart."_

\- She Wants Revenge

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"Welcome."

I readjust my eyes to the bright light. I look at the big window next to me as Soujiro presses a button on his phone to release the shutters. All around me, I realize just how much bigger his mansion appears during the day than it did that night of the party. The colors are professionally painted to a soft cream, with dark chocolate borders for a posh appearance. There are painted portraits hanging on the walls, no doubt very costly and foreign in its design; paintings hailing from Europe, South Asia, and West Africa. I wonder how many times a year Soujiro and his father spend traveling together overseas. Carefully placed potted exotic plants and marble statues, along with sleek upscale furniture dotting all over the dark cypress flooring, makes for a gorgeous home. A rich home. A glamorous home. This is a whole other world for me. The windows are vast and large, showing the distant hills and majestic trees. This mansion actually sits next to a large forest, perfect for hiking and running. The air is clean with oil glass diffusers that sit on a table here and there. There is a rotating stair case that leads upstairs to another level, which I believe is where Soujiro's bedroom lies.

Bedroom.

A pulse hits my groin area, and I bite my tongue.

"Shall I get you something to drink?" Soujiro purrs flirtatiously, walking up towards me to swipe his finger under my chin to admire my face up close, "Sherry perhaps?"

"We can't drink, that's illegal." I speak in a sarcastic tone, and thankfully, Soujiro caught the joke. He winks at me and turns around to head towards the expansive kitchen in the next room over. That's where he confronted me that night, that lead up to that situation in his backyard. I scoff quietly to myself, still not believing that that even happened. Who would've thought? While I glance over the hung paintings, Soujiro promptly returns with our glasses of sherry and hands me one. He taps his glass against my own for a tiny cheer before downing it all down like a champ. I could only gape at him in shock. He sighs in satisfaction, and could only giggle at my expression. I shake my head slowly, "Amazing."

"Yes, I am." Soujiro chuckles airily, "Well go on, then, drink up. It's imported. Really tasty."

"Down the hatchet it goes!" I exclaim before taking a swing, drinking the entire sweetness in just one gulp. I also sigh in satisfaction, happily quenched. He giggles at my dorkiness and then takes our wine glasses back to set them aside on a small table next to us. I wonder where his father is right about now. Maybe he's at work? Gotta keep an eye on the entire operation with an iron fist, I suppose. Speaking of which, are there any butlers or maids hanging around here right now? What if they see us? I expose my surprise as soon as Soujiro takes a step towards me to erase any gap between us, "Hey um.. Where is everyone?"

"My father? He's on a business trip in Taiwan. He'll be gone all of this weekend. And I gave the cleaning team and our butler the weekend off. I know how to pick up after myself." He wraps his arms around my neck, boring his eyes into mines, "Let's go upstairs. I have some things to show you."

"I think I have an idea of what they are.." I hear myself whispering in a dark, guttural tone, kissing his lips hungrily. Frankly, I am shocked to be so into this arrangement, and so quickly too. I wonder if I was always secretly attracted to the angel-faced brunet. He moans under his throat as we tongue wrestle for a bit, trying to claim the winning throne. I think I'm really going to enjoy what today will have in store for me. Uncommitted sex _and_ needed information for my investigation? Maybe something's gotta give, but for now, I'm going to have some fun with this. Why the fuck not, right?

I try to break the kiss, but Soujiro wouldn't have it. My mouth is attacked with his, the kiss even deeper and faster than the last. My entire body comes to life with a burning desire. My knees could not sustain the intensity of Soujiro's passion, and I almost get knocked over and land on the couch. Right on my back. Soujiro's making out with me and zipping my leather jacket open. Hardening already, I just let him undress me hurriedly while I watch in amusement. The usually cool headed Soujiro that I witness during school is a lot different than the Soujiro who's in heat. I chuckle to myself at that joke and he hums with a smile, silently asking me what's so funny. I only answer with a chaste peck on his bottom lip.

"Follow me." Soujiro whispers lustfully, unbuttoning his long sleeved plaid flannel shirt to reveal creamy skin, my eyes drinking its ivory smoothness. I carefully stand from the couch to follow him as he walks backward. Once he reaches the beginning of the twirling stairwell, he turns around to walk up, and I come up behind him as well. Right before he reaches the top, I hurry up from behind him to start kissing his neck, my boner poking against his lower back. I can't get enough of him. I don't even understand what's going on with my body whenever he's around to tempt me. And I hate that it's hard to say no to his face when it does happen.

But I want him.

I fucking _crave_ him.

We crash through his bedroom and nearly smashing his door knob against the wall, furiously making out with each other meanwhile. I grab the back of his flannel from behind to pull it off of him, and he helps himself off of it while I work on my own jacket off of me. As soon as I pull down and step out of my jeans, I look up in time to seeing Soujiro in just his boxers. He sits on the edge of his massive bed, slipping through the canopy sheets so that he looks gaseous from behind them. I remove my own underwear, the room dim from the closed windows. I step towards the bed cautiously. I'm convinced he'll shoot a fucking hand out and grab my ass into oblivion. I bite on my lower lip in anticipation, pushing my hand into the long drapes to separate them. And in that gap, I see Soujiro lying on his back, smiling modestly in spite of his nudity. I crawl towards him and my heart wants to push out from my chest. I'm nervous and I'm ready to tear him apart.

Can a person so different from yourself share the same heart beat as you do?

He sits up in time to meet my lips with his. I let him take the reign, busying myself with trying to get rid of his boxer shorts meanwhile. My dick couldn't be harder even if it tried. I can't believe I'm about to do this. I can't believe Soujiro has me by the throat like this. I just can't fucking believe any of this. I wonder if maybe fucking him once or twice will remove the novelty of it all.. and I could then move on and not be so enticed by his sexuality anymore. It's not like anybody has to know. It's our business. Now that we're both completely in the nude, I lean back to break the kiss and take a look of his entire body. When I said before that he looks surprisingly svelte, I really meant it. Long sinewy arms and a perfectly flat stomach, his hips curving just ever so slightly to suggest a hint of femininity. His skin is a cool milky color, though there is now color on his cheeks. Every single thing about him seems fragile. Tantalizing.

I breathe him in, feeling my irises shrinking and expanding with the state of my arousal deepening. I know it's been stated many times before, both by me and by other people, but Soujiro truly is a piece of art all on his own. His breathing sounds shallow as he lets me scan over his face and body, up and down, with painfully long strokes. Finally, unable to wait anymore, he starts to stroke my hair that falls over my shoulder. I lean in to resume making out, draping my body on his. He mewls weakly by the bodily contact. I can't wait till I get to hear how he sounds as I fuck him for real.

Was I always like one of those people?

"Kenshin.." He whimpers as soon as I take his neck in my grasp.

Was I always like those strange men on the streets?

 _"Kenshin..!"_

Am I just like Soujiro?

A homosexual?

I blink at the sound of chocked sounds and I look down to see Soujiro nearly blue in the face. I let go of him and sit back, scooting away from him, disturbed. What was I doing? Was I.. Was I chocking him? Am I hurting him? But why would I do that for? Soujiro sits up, coughing. I can only look on with a sickness in my stomach. Am I really going to have sex with him? Am I going to accept what is going to happen during and afterwards? Am I even ready to face this deep and dark truth about myself? I have never been attracted to another man before. All my life, it was just casual flitting from one woman to the next. I felt something strongly for Tomoe, and even feel something for Kaoru right now.. But with Soujiro, it's different. It feels more raw. Passionate. Like I want to devour him whole, and let his blood mingle within my muscles from the inside of my body. Craving him wouldn't even scratch the surface.

I want to fuse with him.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, Soujiro, I.." I scramble for any words I can come up with, blushing.

He pants cautiously, eyeing me carefully, "It's okay. Really. I just wonder what has gotten into you.."

"We should stop before I end up doing something that could hurt you―" I turn around before I feel myself being forced back into bed with him, "―Let go!"

"I actually liked it."

My eyes snap open and I look up, seeing him peering into my eyes while his head hang over mines. He smiles, his blue eyes full of mirth. What? He liked it when I was chocking him? Okay, this is getting too crazy for me now. But Soujiro wouldn't have any of my bullshit, such as when I try to move and he just simply pins my shoulders against the bed. I glower in a rage but he just chuckles bemusedly. Then he leans in to slide his silky tongue back inside my mouth, and soon, I couldn't hold back from enjoying the heat. Fuck it, but he's a great kisser. I kiss him back for a few minutes before I can feel him climbing towards my bottom half of my body. He leans on his elbows in between my legs, grabbing my cock and immediately starts to lick it. My breath hitches and I blush deeper.

"Fuck."

"Maybe if you like how good I am at sucking your cock, I could compliment on how good you are at chocking me." He sighs provocatively against my shaft, feeling his warm breath on my skin. A chill runs up my spine, "What do you say?"

"Soujiro, not like that, I'll.." I toss my head back with a sharp intake of my breath, just as Soujiro tickles the slit of my sex with the tip of his tongue, "I'll..!"

He stops doing that, cocking his head to the side with a chuckle, "What? Cum?"

My wide eyes study the ceiling above me. That's right. If he keeps doing that, I'll cum. Which means I like it. Which means I might be gay. Which means a lot of shit going down in my life. Like losing my friends. Like gaining more trouble in school by Shishio and his gang. Like having the teachers look at me with even more disgust than they do now. Like having Hiko go back to drinking hardcore because his only son likes other men. It could cause so many chain reactions that it would ruin my life as I know it. Soujiro waits for my reply patiently, casually sliding his tongue on the sides of my length. My eyes flutter in pleasure at that, electricity springing up my spine. I hate this. But I love it, too. I'm so scared of what'll happen if I cum.

My body doesn't wait for me, though. After a few maddening minutes of Soujiro sucking and swallowing my cock nearly down his throat, I clutch on the bed sheets as a strong sensation pulls my lower torso. I bite down a yelp with my fist as I cum, Soujiro happily accepting it with his delicate mouth meanwhile. It felt like two or three hot minutes of the pleasure coursing through me before my heart rate climbs done along with my breathing. I let go of the bed sheets and can feel Soujiro hovering over me to kiss the bride of my nose gently, and.. I hate to admit it, but that felt really nice to receive such affection from him. He told me he loved me back at the house party, and that little kiss seemed to have made the statement concrete. He nuzzles my cheek with his cheek, draping his body over mines and runs his perfectly trimmed nails along my arm. I wrap his body with my other arm to have him closer to me, sighing contently.

"I shouldn't have made you cum so quickly. I want you to fuck me." Soujiro whispers and my heart starts to race again.

"And.." My tongue clicks, careful to choose the next few words, "You are sure that we are.. alone in this house, right?"

He giggles at my cute naivety, "Of course. Like I said, my dad is away on a business trip and won't be back until Monday night. I made all of the cleaning team members go for the weekend. I haven't made any social plans with anyone for the weekend, and I was hoping that.."

His fingernails lit my arm on fire as he drags them a bit harder this time.

".. That you would like to spend time with me this weekend."

I blink rapidly a few times, frowning, "You mean, like.. like sleep over here?"

"Mmhmm.." Soujiro rubs his cheek against my face again with a purr.

"I'll have to.. text Hiko.. and the guys so that they don't freak out.. but then that just leaves me with not having any clothes.." My lips thin at these thoughts, and all the while Soujiro is damn near clawing me with his fingers which invokes a very queer pleasurable sensation. I couldn't get the next sentence in without a few pauses of breathing deeper each time, ".. I mean.. I guess.. I guess.. We could.. This weekend.."

"Good. Don't you worry about anything, Kenshin," Soujiro breathes into my ear softly, tonguing the out shell, "I'll take good care of you. I promise."

I grunt, enjoying the way Soujiro magically makes me hard again with just a few simple words. At the sight of my enlargement, Soujiro sits up promptly to climb out of the bed to get something from his bed table. He suddenly lunges a big black box onto the bed, surprising me with its impressive weight despite its appearance. Seemingly out of nowhere, Soujiro takes a ring of keys and works on its lock as I watch intently in curiosity. What's in the box, I wonder? My question is answered with just a simple click of the lock opening, and him lifting the lid up. In the box lies every kind of sex toy you could think of. Handcuffs. Blindfolds. Gagballs. Dildos and vibrators. And so much more.

"Holy shit.." I exhale as I sit on my elbows to start ruminating my hand through the box, feeling my cheeks flushed, "You keep all of this in your room?"

"Yup." Soujiro smiles with tranquility, "Have a look around, you'll find something you will like."

I grab a long chained pair of handcuffs from the box, my cheeks flushing harder. I'm at a loss for words. I can't believe he would keep something like this. Does this mean that Soujiro goes around fucking people as long as his dad goes away on his business trips? There is no doubt about it; with a big mansion like this, his father has to keep very busy in order for his wealth and success to continue to grow. Which could only mean frequent business travels. Which also leaves plenty of opportunities for Soujiro to act out in peace. Like that crazy house party. I was shocked to find this place so sparkling clean afterward. I bet this guy overworks the cleaning squad with his bullshit. At that thought, my arousal fades away a little, and a certain kind of anger takes over instead.

"Hey.. Are you okay?" Soujiro leans in to try to touch my face, but I turn away briskly to keep my distance.

"It's just bullshit. Do you like to just do whatever the fuck you please just because you're rich?"

Silence.

I look back at him infurtitally, "Well?"

He just looks down at his palms that grasps his thighs, sitting on his kneecaps now. He isn't sure of how to answer. I hesitate, wondering if I'm being too much of a dick. But then there are other questions that needed answering. Like where he got all of this stuff. There's lots of seedy sex stores around here, but he must've gotten these from back home in Tokyo. I slide the handcuffs back in and take something else out; it appears almost like the handcuffs, with long chains and all of that, but where the handcuffs would be, are instead replaced by these pinchers. I blink, rotating these things in my fingers to inspect closely. Soujiro shifts his weight and comes closer, carefully so as to not surprise me, and he places his hand on mines that are holding the toy. I look at him. He looks back at me.

"I'm a bad person, Kenshin." Soujiro's eyes are misty, "Please. You have to punish me. It's the only way."

My eyes widen, grunting. What the fuck?

"W-what? You're not.. a bad person, Soujiro.." My voice loses its strength when I feel him dragging his finger along side of my shaft absent mindedly, _".. Hnn..!"_

"Please.." He whispers in a sharper voice, nearing his face into my hair so as to prob his tongue inside my ear again, his breath hot and moist against my eardrum, "I want you to hurt me. Hurt me like I know you've always wanted to since day one."

His breathing. His low moans. His tongue. His hand on my sex. It's all too much. I couldn't help myself. Without thinking, I take these clamps right on his nipples, which made him flinch with an acute cry. My eyes snap open, shocked at my grotesque action, and then looking down at the damage I've done. The skin around his pink nipples are already bruised to a gruesome shade of purple. Jesus, how strong are these clamps? I was about to go and take them off when Soujiro swiftly grabs my wrists, and all I see are two orbs of moistened sapphires. We sit like that, in that deeply disturbing area of silence, in a dim room I have never been in before, hurting my new lover like this.

What the fuck is going on?

What's happening?

And why..

Why..

...

Do I find myself liking this?

"Leave them on." Soujiro licks my bottom lip, and that did it. I press my fingers onto the clamps so that it would put even more pressure on him, making him whimper uncomfortably so. I wonder what he'd look like if he bleeds. I wonder if the color red would suit him. I take a firm grip of his chin and start making out with him, unable to stop myself from nearly shoving my tongue down his throat. And that whore takes it all happily, stroking my hard on meanwhile. I start gnawing on his pale neck while grabbing his hips to dig my fingernails into the sides forcefully. He groans, spreading his legs so that I can holster him up on my torso, "Yeah.. Fuck.."

I climb over him, tonguing the sensitive area of his pinched nipples now. He whines and moans, writhing from the pleasure. I keep my grasp on him tightly so that he doesn't have the opportunity to move from me. It's too late. The beast is out of its cage and it hungers. It craves. It wants Soujiro more than anything in the world. My tongue starts playing with the other nipple, careful so as to not unclasp the clamp on it. He meanwhile whines louder, either from pleasure or for me to quit doing that because it's all too much for him to bare. I don't care. I continue the torture.

 _"Hnn!"_ He mewls, _"Please.. Kenshin.. Ha..!"_

I lean close to his face just to whisper, "What's wrong? I thought this is what you wanted, you little shit."

He blushes, a first for me. Seeing it makes me grow harder. I think he's had enough already. Taking the clamps off from his bruised areas, I blow on them softly to aid their recovery somewhat. Of course, since the clamps have left them in a state of heightened sensitivity, the mere soft breaths from me leaves him groaning in pleasure and pain. I think I might like the colors purple and blue and black on him the most. It's so beautiful against his alabaster skin. Soujiro carefully sits up to retrieve something from the box of sin; a bottle of what appears to be intimate lubricant. I know I've seen it before, having had fucked other girls before and using it with condoms, but.. seeing it being held by another man is enough to feel like I've just been kicked in the stomach. Is he going to..?

"Don't worry," Soujiro smiles faintly, "I'm not going to fuck you. It's you I want to do me. Get it?"

I am surprised to find myself exhaling. Was I really just holding so much breath in? I nod, "Okay. Sure."

He chuckles, "So much enthusiasm for getting laid."

"I-it's my first.." I gulp, finding it difficult to get the saliva back down, "My first time.. with a boy."

"That's okay. I'll guide you."

For some strange reason, I find that offensive. I snort, "I don't need you to do that. I can find my way around."

"Perfect!" Soujiro flips open the cap of the lubricant and pours the clear gel into his other palm, "I'm gonna lube you up, so get ready."

"Fuck you." I roll my eyes.

"Soon, I promise." He winks and takes his gelled hand to my shaft, and I shiver from the coldness, "It'll warm up when I rub it in."

And it did. The more he pumps and rotate his hand along my length, the coolness fades away to a comfortable temperature. My breathing hitches the more he applies random bouts of pressure on all of my parts, from the base to the middle and up to my glans. It feels so fucking good. I bite my lower lip as Soujiro gets on his knees and on his hands on the bed, doggy style. I waste no time in getting behind him, the skin on my face and chest on fire from blushing so much. I grab the base of my cock to aim carefully around the rim of his opening, and expertly, Soujiro relaxes his entire body for easier access. I gulp. No saliva again. Here goes nothing. Holy shit. Holy fuck. I can't believe it's about to happen. I don't know if the butterflies in my stomach is from the terror of doing this, or the sheer excitement of having Soujiro all to myself. Was I so angry and vengeful towards him because I was secretly attracted to him this entire time? Am I really that deluded?

There's only one way to find out.

I push in.

He gasps.

One more tilt of my hip into his, and I'm all the way in.

Now I gasp.

He's so tight and warm.

Tightening my hands on the sides of his waist, I start to grind myself into him, the slick pressing heat around my cock indescribable. In just a few throats, I can hear a faltering whine and come to a shocking discovery that it came from my own lips. I know I've talked about this before, but I've fucked plenty of girls before. I've even went raw with a couple of them, too. I know what sex is supposed to feel like. But this right here, this situation of getting to fuck such a prissy rich bitch who gets everything handed to him.. and humiliating him by fucking his tight ass, is enough to make me want to cum already. In some strange twist of definitions, I feel all the more stronger the more I hear Soujiro moan and whimper pathetically into the curve of his arm.

"Uhnn, yes.." Soujiro breathes when I thrust harder this time, "Yeah.."

Now I wonder..

I wonder..

"I wonder.." I whisper to myself, "I wonder if there's something else in this box I can use on you now.."

Am I talking to myself? Or to him? Or both? Or to Satan?

I lean my body to the side slowly so as to not have me popping out from his hole, and my arm starts digging inside the box. I pull out a small vibrator that's the size and shape of a large egg. I press on a button and it goes off in a buzzing frenzy. Soujiro bites back a sob of pleasure when I start fucking his ass even harder and faster than before. I slant over him and take the vibrating egg underneath his length, paying especially close attention to his hole contracting piercingly when it reaches his glans. I roll my eyes and smirk. This feels so fucking great. I continue pressing the toy against his sensitive head and he groans harshly against the bed sheets, a sharp wave of pleasure hitting my lower body when he contracts around me again.

"Enough.. Kenshin.." He pants and tries to grab my wrist, "I'm going to cum too fast!"

I chuckle at that random outburst and laid the egg next to him after switching it off. It's time to get serious now. I start fucking him a lot quicker and harsher, determined to get us off much quicker than he would anticipate. Think of it as my perfect little revenge from all the crap he put me through this week. He throws his head back in a fit of passionate cry of pleasure, and I grab his hair to keep it up for me. With my other hand on his hip, I am nearly smacking my entire fucking self into him, to the point of it hurting me just a bit. I'm so pissed at him. I'm so fucking mad. I know he has information that he might obscure just so he can get off the hook easily. And I won't let him have that enjoyment. He probably wanted to have a nice time with me today..

But that boy doesn't deserve that.

Not today.

 _"Hah, Kenshin!"_ He damn near screams with my brutal fucking, and just like that, I can feel him convulse violently under me, _**"Fuck!"**_

He cums hotly and having that simple knowledge tips me over the edge; Grunting deeply, I cum as well, emptying my seed inside of him. As it should be. I collapse on the side of him as he lies on his stomach, our breathing ragged and uneven. The ceiling above me spins slowly, edges faded like burning paper. Holy shit. That was so hot. I love it. I can feel myself smiling like a crazy fool. It was like as if letting myself become a violent blaze of fury, even in the form of fucking someone else like that.. has given me a strange sort of peace at the end of it. I can hardly believe it. No amount of me yelling at Hiko, no amount of talking back at the teachers from school, no amount of getting stupidly drunk and crazy at night, no amount of listening to fast punk music, no amount of batting against glass bottles at a junkyard..

Could ever.. ever..

Come close to the release I feel from doing this with Soujiro.

Nothing.

And then, I hear it.

It was very quiet at first. Unnoticeable if I would have kept breathing hard from the lovemaking. But it's there, slow and seeping like a gas leek. I frown, blinking. What is that I hear? My mind instantly registers when my head turns to my side; it's Soujiro, crying to himself faintly within the sheets. The insides of my mouth turns dry. What.. What's going on? Is he hurt? Did I went too hard on him? Is he bleeding or bruised in his nether regions? I gingerly sit up and touch his upper back, my voice hoarse with urgency, "Soujiro.. hey, you okay? Are you..?"

My voice loses out as soon as he turns his head around to look up at me with these red, wet eyes. It's the same pair of eyes I saw at the party here, the night where he gave me a blow job. Another kick to my stomach and I grunt, blinking my own wet eyes now. What the fuck's happening?! I can feel panic coursing through my veins while I help him sit up, my eyes sweeping over him and on the bed to see if it can catch a drop of blood. But I don't. I don't see anything too out of place except his crying. I take his face in my hands to have him look at me, my heart beating. What have I done to him? Why is he crying like this after sex?

"Soujiro.. I'm.. I'm so sorry, I.." I shake my head slowly.

He smiles sadly, "Let's go take a shower together."

 _To be continued._


	7. Keep On Loving You

_Author's note: Hey guys! :) Got you a new update that's just a bit late, but yeah, you know how it goes. Not to worry, because this story is developing a lot inside my mind and I really want to keep moving forward with this despite the updating hiccups. Thank you for the support and the funny jokes, you guys are amazing! 3_

 _Maybe Soujiro in this story will get pregnant from all the sex. What do you guys think?_

 _ALSO. I am actually thinking about writing a one shot type of fic (or a 'ficlet' of sort) as a branch to my first fanfic, "Eyes Of Truth". What do you guys think of that? I'm thinking of writing one of either.. Either a humorous ficlet told by Dr Gensai while they were all on that trip to that fancy hotel, or a long one shot of Eyes Of Truth told by Kenshin's POV. Cast your vote and I will decide within the next couple of chapters for what to write!_

 _Without further ado.. here's "Keep On Loving You". If you guys have any song suggestions for titles, let me know in the reviews!_

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 _"You should have seen by the look in my eyes_  
 _That there was something missing_  
 _You should have known by the tone of my voice_  
 _But you didn't listen_  
 _You play dead, but you never bled_  
 _Instead you lie still in the grass all coiled up and hissing."_

 _\- Cigarettes After Sex_

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"Jesus Christ."

Was all my mouth could produce in a gasp as my eyes scan the room I'm in. The room being, of course, Soujiro's own privately attached bathroom. The walls, primed to a soft ivory tone, appeared holy-like with the help of the marble floors that feels cool under my feet. His white oval sink is big enough to scrub a baby animal in it if Soujiro ever felt the need to, coupled with an impressive silvery sink head that no doubt costs more than Hiko's house mortgage alone. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but whatever. Fake potted plants here and there takes up the sleek appearance up a notch. My eyes could not simply take in all of the details because it just appears as one big dream of expensive delights to make up this entire living space. There's a nice ivory cast, old fashioned bath tub that seems strangely inviting for some reason.

And can I talk about the fucking _walk in shower?_

It's wide enough for almost three people to just shower comfortably in, which is ridiculous since this is his bathroom. The walls and floor are made of some kind of brick or pebbles, unlike anything I've ever seen before. It reminds me of walking into Kaoru's summer job one time in this nice spa place that have all of those steam rooms. She was sad when they had to let her go to focus on her studies. On the side, there's a seating for anyone who just wants to sit and let the water cascade over them. I look up to see these rectangular shapes on the ceiling with holes in them, and I recognize them as one of those weird rainfall shower heads that I've heard of before. _Phew._ This is amazing. I wouldn't mind showering like this on the daily. I step away from the shower and turn towards Soujiro as he stands there with a slightly amused smile. I scoff with a grin, "What?"

"You look so cute when you're looking at my stuff." He chuckles, but it did not have that touch of sarcasm like one would expect.

I smile and take a few steps towards him, "Come on, you should take a shower. I'll just go take a bath in that tub over there."

He cocks his head to the side, "Why?"

 _"Why?_ Dude, you were crying. And we just had wild sex. Or did you forget?" I wink and snigger to myself, remembering the amazing fucking during that crazy moment not too long ago.

He straightens his neck back up, "Let's shower together instead."

I gape at him, feeling my cheeks burning, "Um?"

He walks up towards me to embrace me, whispering in my ear, "You've seen me naked already, haven't you? And I've seen you at your naked glory. So then what's the problem?"

"Well, um," I fluster myself with the correct words to use next, "I just.. I guess I'm still feeling weird over you crying like that. I felt like I hurt you or something. I figured we could just.. _hnng.."_

I couldn't finish because he's already stroking my cock over my boxer shorts. That's all he and I are wearing right now, actually. He leans back to lick my bottom lip, inviting himself in seamlessly to start kissing me. I sigh into his mouth, deepening the kiss by allowing my own tongue to slip inside of his mouth too. Jesus Christ. Soujiro Seta is just not the person you could say no to easily. Everything about him pleases my senses. How he looks. How he smells. How he feels. Even how his voice sounds, elegant in their punctuation and charming in his unique accent that I have never heard of before. It must've been all the mixtures of dialects he had absorbed from his expansive traveling from all across the globe. I love it. And I especially love how his mouth tastes.

He breaks the kiss politely, "Let's shower now."

Like I said.. you just can't say no to someone like Soujiro. I nod, letting him guide me into the walk in shower with his hand around my wrist. He helps me and himself out of our boxer shorts. He then has me sit on the shower seat before he steps out of the shower to type something in his phone. Suddenly, the room turns pitch black. I hold my breath. After a couple of seconds, a soft neon blue lights up from underneath my feet, and soon I see a green glow from above me as the rainfall shower heads turns on. It feels deliciously warm and satisfying, and I try to calm down from the spook of the darkness from before. I hear a soundtrack of some sort of jungle sounds and rain, and I wonder where in the world it was coming from. He did all of this with just his phone? That's so.. Cool. I lean against the wall behind me to relax completely. I hate to admit it, but.. this is _really_ nice.

"Like it?" I hear Soujiro's voice getting nearer and him sliding the shower door shut behind him.

"I love it." I open my eyes and watch as the lights fade into different colors from below and above us, making Soujiro appear like an other worldly creature, "Still, I'd like to know about something.."

He sits next to me and takes my hand in his, looking at me expectantly.

"First thing is.. why were you.. crying?" I stroke his cheek with my finger, his hand coming up to gently grasp it and kiss it, "Soujiro, are you okay?"

"I am okay. Now that I'm with you."

My heart pulses loudly.

Soujiro..

Why do you make me feel this way?

"But.. why, then?" I watch his face turn into an aquamarine shade of green from the lights, his pupils dilating.

"I just.. I just get weird after sex, I guess," He shifts in his seat and turn his head away from me, "After what happened to me in Tokyo.."

My interest piqued. Is he giving me the information for my investigation? Couldn't have picked a more appropriate time and setting, I guess. But being naked and wet together and him telling me everything is better than anything else, really. I have to know of his back story and where he really came from. Why he chose my school and more importantly, why he chose me to target. I have to know. He takes his time with looking back up, his expression pitiful.

"In Tokyo.. I was being bullied by a teacher." He hitches, shutting his eyes, as if remembering something terrible, "And I just.. I just tried not to let it get to me. I tried to just let it roll off my back. I had to. He knew my father, personally. My teacher used to have a brother who worked for the Seta Enterprise. A serious accounting error had lead to my father firing that brother of my teacher, and.. I guess that man had a lot on his plate other than losing a great job. It wasn't long until we all learned that he killed himself. So fate, being such a cruel mistress, brought me together with the teacher who lost his brother because of my family. Because of my dad.. because of m.."

"Soujiro," I grasp his shoulder to stop him, "That wasn't your fault. You weren't responsible for that. Not even your father was responsible for that man's suicide. He made that choice alone. You had nothing to do with that."

He gives me a strange little faltering smile, but then he hiccups and his face fades into something more gravely, "I guess.. I guess I should mention that the teacher tried to proposition me for sex as a way to get back at my father. I never did anything with him, though, but he insisted. I let him take my hand and.. I touched him. Down there. Until he came. I was fourteen."

"Jesus.." I can feel my heart dropping into my stomach hearing over something this sick.

"He did it to me for a few more years, and I kept it a secret. No one would believe me, anyway. But I guess one day I had enough. I had to move away when I told my father in confidence over what happened. He thought it'd be best for me to have a clean slate here in Kyoto. Start all over again, you know?"

Oh man.

"Soujiro.. Thank you. For telling me all of this. I didn't know it was that bad for you."

He smiles, "It's okay. Since I've met you.. I know things will be alright."

"I just have something else I want to ask you.." I grunt, blushing, "I still don't understand what you see in me."

"You're being too hard on yourself, Kenshin. I chose you because you're one of a kind. The red hair doesn't help your case, either."

I blush harder, "Oh, please.."

"Come on, let your hair down. I mean it."

I am finally able to take the hair tie off and let my long hair cascade down over my shoulders and chest, the water invigorating my tresses. He runs his fingers through my hair, and it felt nice until he found some knots here and there. I mean, I do try to take care of it, but.. I'm poor, remember? Soujiro seemed to have read my mind. He stands up from the shower seat and walk over to the other side of the shower to get something from the wall. He turns around with two bottles in his hand and walks back to me. He sets one of them down, opens the other, squeezes liquid into his hand, and before I knew it, he shampoos the top of my head. As if we have known each other for eons already that this wouldn't be a strange thing to do.

Remember, we only met just a week ago.

But..

This feels _so_ good!

And it smells really nice! I highly doubt I could find his type of hair products at the run down food mart that Hiko and I frequent to for groceries. I ease myself to his touch and let him rub my scalp with the pads of his fingertips. I've never even gone to a salon before, opting to just trim my own hair with a dull pair of scissors and nothing else. Maybe this is what it feels to have someone else actually take care of you. And I have to say, I really don't mind it. At all. After a few minutes of this, Soujiro turns a knob next to him and the water pressure goes harder on our heads, washing off the rest of the shampoo. Dialing it back so that the water pressure produces a nice gentle rain stream, Soujiro opens up the other bottle and runs the conditioner (Is that what is called?) from the middle to the ends of my hair. I wish I could be educated enough to tell you what it smells like, but it has something of a leathery amber note to it. I know this because its in Hiko's favorite cologne, back when he had to money to afford something nice for himself.

I close my eyes, my breathing deep and even.

Relaxed.

Soujiro goes to work on my body with a bar of soap, careful to wash my arms and my chest. I shouldn't like this. I shouldn't like this at all. But I do. I could've enjoyed something like this with an attractive woman, or maybe even with a girlfriend. Never in a million years would I let another man touch me like this. But with Soujiro, it's different. In many ways than one. He's a pleasure to be around, and an even greater pleasure to have him touch you. He rubs the soap suds around my neck and jawline while I carefully wipe my face with some of it. I don't know if I'm ready to have him touch my face so intimately like that. Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking. I fucked him, so what's so weird about him touching my face?

I wish I knew how to explain.

"All done." Soujiro sighs happily as he turns the water pressure on high to rinse me off, "Now it's my turn. You can continue resting here."

"Hm?" I open one of my eyes to look at him, "Do you want me to wash you too?"

He shakes his head, "It's alright. I'll manage."

I open my other eye, "I don't mind. Really."

His eyes dilate again. I catch it just in time and my brow furrow in confusion. What was that? Does he not want me to touch him? But why not? Haven't we had sex not even half an hour ago? Why would me washing him be any weirder than my dick in his ass? It doesn't make sense. He looks to the floor, unable to answer me. My stomach feels hot and painful. I know this feeling. It's anger. But why should I care? Why should I be angry at him for wanting to wash himself? Maybe I'm just.. I don't know, offended that he doesn't want me touching him? Like I'm not good enough to hold him and touch him gently? Maybe he's not the type to enjoy that. Which I can understand, I mean, we all have our ideas of what intimacy means to us. But still.. This.. This hurts.

"Let me wash you." I simply state.

He remains unmoved.

No matter. I take his wrist as he gasps.

"I.. I shouldn't.." His voice wavers. I merely pull his wrist towards me to force him to smack his perfect little ass next to me, "Oof!"

"Come here," I grab his bottle of shampoo to flip the cap open and squeeze some of it into my hand, "I'll wash your hair now. Close your eyes."

"Kenshin.."

I shoot him a glare. He promptly zips it and closes his eyes with a confused whimper. Realizing I'm once again being a dick, I sigh and shake my head, "I'm sorry. We don't have to if you don't want to.."

Silence.

He rests his hand on mine that is tied around his other wrist, "Thank you."

I look at him, surprised, "What?"

"For listening to me. Thank you." He smiles and my heart once again skips a beat. He really is beautiful. I feel sick to my stomach, knowing I very nearly chocked him to death by accident today, and now I'm grabbing him in such a forceful manner too. What's wrong with me? I never thought I'd be so aggressive with a lover like this. What's gotten into me? I finally let his wrist go, and he leans in to kiss me sweetly on the lips. My heart flutters upon contact. He breaks the kiss, whispering against my lips, "I love you."

"S-Soujiro.."

Before I could properly react, he leans away to get up and enjoy the rain fall over him. He tilts his head back, the lights playing with his hair and skin with brazen oranges and mystical purples. My breathing is stuck in my throat. My heart feels chained in barbs. Never in my life have I ever saw a more perfect creature than on this day. Soujiro is like from another plane of existence. His hair turns into a deep espresso from the water, and his white skin shines brilliantly. With his fingertips, he combs his hair back and sighs happily. As if telling me he loves me made his soul run free with the water and the steam. I could finally let my breath go, shakily.

Soujiro Seta..

"Who are you?" I hear myself whispering hoarsely.

He takes his time thinking of how to respond. The water sounds louder than before. My heart beats faster, anticipating. Finally, he turns to me, his eyes a brilliant shade of turquoise, "Your best mistake."

I hesitate. What do I.. How do I even respond to that..?

My best mistake? What does that even mean?

Soujiro..

"I don't understand."

"You will. Someday."

He then walks towards me to stand over me, and I look up. I can't breathe anymore. How can you with an angel this close to you? My clumsy hands reach up to grasp his hips, and then without thinking, I just embrace his bottom half tightly. I don't know what you're doing to me, Soujiro, but.. God, I hope this all makes sense to me soon. Because it hurts as much as it feels good. And I'm not just talking about the sex or the shampoo or any of that. It hurts so much, on a soul level, on such an existential level. This all has to mean something. It has to. Was Soujiro sent to me as an act from God, or perhaps from the universe, in order to correct something I've wronged many years ago? I had made many mistakes with myself and with those around me, so maybe.. just maybe..

Could Soujiro be a type of savior of mine? Or a tormentor of soul? Someone to give me redemption, or someone to send me into a mental purgatory to clean myself of all the sins I've committed before? Soujiro Seta, a saint by appearance, but a reaper by occupation.

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 _"Don't cry, Kenshin.."_

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We both walk into the kitchen, him in a bathrobe and me wearing a towel both around my hip and ruffling another one through my hair. I couldn't do that where I live.. it's either too hot or too cold to walk around in towels. Soujiro's mansion is just at the right temperature. Soujiro walks into the kitchen next room over while I look around in the family room. There's this big fireplace and lots of framed pictures on it, mostly of Soujiro as a child and his dad traveling and shaking hands with business leaders. As I would expect, not a single photo of his birth mother anywhere. I even found a photo of Soujiro embracing a nanny as if she was his mother, but I know it's not really her. The work clothes gives it away. I looked through every picture, and all it seems to look like a timeline of an ordinary family who just so happens to try and move on from the death of her.

It shouldn't raise any red flags.. but it does.

"Hungry?"

I flinch, turning around to see Soujiro carrying a big bowl of potato chips. Um. Dude, that's not even a meal. I smirk, chuckling with my arms folded in front of my chest, "Maybe we should order out."

"Okay." He giggles, walking across the floor to set the snack bowl down on the coffee table that sits in front of this large flat screen television, "What're you in the mood for?"

"Pizza?"

"Alright. What do you like on yours?"

"Antidepressants."

Soujiro laughs loudly. I just smile. I like his laugh. I love seeing him so happy for some reason. It suits him. Maybe I would like to be the one to make him laugh instead of making him cry. At that thought, my smile slowly fades away. I have to know why he was crying like that today. Does sex bring up bad feelings or memories of that teacher fondling him? I wish I knew who this teacher was, just to give him a peace of my mind. Or my fist. What kind of monster does that to fourteen year old boys? I hate him. I hate him and I've never even met the guy. I just know he ruined Soujiro's childhood, and now he has to pick up the pieces instead of the adult who was responsible for it. I hate injustices like that.

Just when Soujiro was about to dial on his mobile phone to call for pizza delivery, I come from behind him to hug him. He flinches, surprised by my actions, "Kenshin? Are you okay? What's wrong..?"

"That teacher was the one who was wrong. You didn't do anything. It was all his fault."

Silence. All I hear is Soujiro's phone tone dialing quietly, waiting for the numbers to be punched in. I only hug him tighter, which made him grunt questionably. Call me crazy, but.. I want to protect Soujiro, even if I haven't known him for long. I think I can finally appreciate his place in my life, as a part of my social group, as a part of my life. As a part of me. I don't think it's his wealth or the sexual pleasures that come with being with him, either. While those things are just cherries, I know that it's something that I can't exactly put my finger on it either. Something that I think I'll need time to find out on my own. What does Soujiro represent in my world? How does he fit inside my life? Why is he here? And more importantly, why does my heart turn tender whenever he comes around? Why do I want to be mean and pretend otherwise?

There's just so many questions, that I..

"Kenshin. Please." Soujiro steps out of my embrace, leaving me blinking, "Don't do that again."

My heart pangs. What? I straighten up, my face flushing, "..What?"

He doesn't move or say anything for a couple of moments, and then he turns over his shoulder to look at me sadly, "It's hard to explain, really. I'm sorry. I shouldn't.. I shouldn't have been hard on you."

"You weren't hard on me. I'm just confused." I take a step forward, my hand mid air to try and touch him again, but with his eyes narrowing.. I take my hand back instead, "Soujiro.."

"Let's get one thing straight." He smiles dismally, "I love you. I really do. But you can't love me back."

"Why not?" I can feel myself getting defensive all of a sudden, my heart.. doing something I have never felt it done before. Learning a new song.

He shakes his head, "I can't say."

"Yes you can, Soujiro, I..!" My trembling hands come up, wanting to feel him again.

Why does my heart sing this song?

Like a calling signal coming to my aid in a fit of emergency, Soujiro twists around and embraces me tightly while I hold him, and I hear him almost sobbing, "Please, just stop! Stop talking. I can't tell you more than what I can today. Telling you about that teacher.. was already too much. I will tell you more, just.. Just give me some more time, okay?"

Now there's tears in my eyes. Raw, stinging tears. I don't understand what's going on, but I had no choice but to whisper back, "Okay.."

We were like that for a while. I'm not sure for how long. I think the sun moved in the sky when I realized we were there for a lot longer than what is normally accepted in a hug. But I don't care. Soujiro feels so right in my arms. I felt like I had carried an empty space inside of me, and that emptiness seemed to have welcomed the shape of his body; Reaching upwards and around until it reaches all of the outlines that create who he is today. And now I'm holding him. The smell of his skin and hair sweeter than my best dreams. We finally break it off and he kisses me momentarily.

We set up the living room for a movie night. He has some very new movies that have left the theaters but not yet produced to the general public to rent. I don't even care to tell you about what we saw, but I do enjoy letting him rest his head on my lap, running my thumb over his cheek. I enjoy him pouncing whenever a scary scene flashes on the screen, and I'll hold him while I laugh at his blushing face. I enjoy his head on my shoulder and his hand intertwined with mines, my thumb now running over the skin of his thumb too. I enjoy when he would feed me popcorn by placing it between his teeth and I have to get it out somehow, which would only invite him to sneak his tongue in there, like the sly little minx that he is.

We made out on that couch as the credit rolls on the screen.

I wish this night never had to end.

I love that his pajamas are nearly the same size as me. Because I am just a tad heavier than him in weight, and taller than him by height, he rummaged through some boxes of older clothing that would fit me better. With a dark shirt and navy checkered pants, I'm pretty much ready for a really good sleep. After we had watched several movies into the wee hours of the morning, Soujiro announces that it's time for bed. We had so much fun goofing around with the movies and with each other, that I was surprised to find that it was over two in the morning. A sense of heaviness washes over my eyes. He introduces me to the guest room, which even has its own private bathroom. Jesus, this mansion really has everything anyone could wish for.

"You sure you don't want me to sleep in your bed?" I smirked after I jumped on top of the guest bed, which is a California King size.

He leans on the door frame with a sleepy smile, "I didn't want you to be annoyed by me. I thought you wanted your own space to just.. be you."

My smirk dissipates, "I don't find you annoying."

"Yes you do."

"Well," I chuckle cooly, "That was before―"

"―Before I let you fuck me. Right?"

I flinch, ".. Hn..?"

"It's alright," He bows, something I haven't fucking seen in ages, "Really. You should sleep peacefully on this bed by yourself. It's nice and cozy, isn't it?"

I just look at him, unsure of how to respond. Did he really mean what he said?

"Um.. Yeah. Yeah, it is."

He smiles with his eyes, "Good night, then."

He switches off the light, leaving me in complete darkness. The door closes and I'm all alone. I slump all the way down on the bed, stumped at what just happened. I just think that what he said seemed very sudden and.. I don't know. Projecting? I mean, yeah, I found him annoying at first, but that was when he.. Well. I don't know. That was when he tried to force his way into my life. I stopped finding him annoying when he started giving my friends his.. Wait. No, that's not right. I stopped finding him annoying when he helped me with my homework.. I grumbled to myself. No, that's not right either. Okay, well, how about this? I stopped finding him annoying when he would tell me some deeper parts of himself, and..

I smacked my hand over my forehead exasperatedly. No, that's not it either!

Oh my God.

Was he right, then?

Did I stopped finding him irritating as soon as I fucked him?

Am I really that much of a jackass?

My hand slides over my chin and I am gaping through the pitch blackness, the only thing giving any bit of light is the window welcoming the moon and the stars from outside. What am I doing here? I should go to him! Maybe that will show him that he isn't completely right and that I do find him not annoying, not because I had sex with him or he lets me use his body for pleasure. I refuse to let that be a fact! I rip the covers off of me and stumble through the dark, trying to find the door. After much fumbling, I found the doorknob and turned it to open it, carefully sliding my hands on the walls of the hallway. Fuck, this place gets really dark at night, doesn't it? I can't see shit! I worry that I'm going to fall through the winding staircase if I'm not careful. My hands finally find another doorknob and if memory serves me right, it has to lead to Soujiro's bedroom.

I gulp, turning the doorknob painfully slow. I don't want to scare him by being too loud. I carefully open the door, thankfully it's not like my own bedroom door where it creaks like fuck. I walk through the darkness gingerly, my hands waving out in front of me to find my way around. In a movie, I would've already stubbed my toe on the foot of his bed, or crashed a lamp so noisily that he'd wake up with a screech. But thank fuck none of those things happened. Feeling the softness of his bed comforter, I climb on it softly so as to not rouse him. So far, so good. I slip under the covers and scootch closer, already smelling his shampoo. I sigh quietly, glowing with elation. I guess.. I guess I don't like being apart from him when it's so dark out. So sue me.

I lay my head on the pillow next to him and close my eyes, ready to let the wave of sleep take me alive, when suddenly..

 _"What're you doing here?"_

I shiver. Soujiro's voice has a new, cutting bite to it that I've never heard of before. I don't reply. Maybe I'm having a nightmare or a weird hallucination. I wait, and then I hear him whisper again, louder, _"Why are you here in my bed, Kenshin?"_

"Fuck you, I can't sleep." I snarl, turning over to the other side, "Goodnight."

"Ohh, what's the matter? The big bad ass is afraid of a little darkness?" He sounds so conceded. I start seeing red.

I whip back around and grab him by the shoulders, "What the fuck is the matter with you? Why are you so offended that I want to sleep right next to you?"

"Don't touch me!"

I yelp, yanking my hands back. My heart plays that same song it did earlier today, but now with gut wrenching violin screeches. I don't understand?! What is his problem? What's his fucking deal!? Why is he yelling at me like this? He was so sensual earlier but now it's like I ruined his life just by wanting to sleep next to him! I've had enough. I have got to get to the bottom of this! I grab his shoulders again and he tries to kick me, to which I try to ignore while I bark into his face, "What the fuck is wrong with you!"

"Stop!" He starts crying, trying to grab my forearms to get away from me. I only tighten my grip in response.

"I won't stop! Not until you talk to me like an adult!" My voice has a tremor of emotion through it, though I don't let him out of my grasp either way.

"P-Please.." His voice starts to quiet down to merely soft sobbing, "I'm just.. I'm just so.."

"Are you afraid of letting anyone in?"

His sob is cut short with a gasp, "Yes!"

"Well, too bad.." I'm almost close to crying again also, ".. I.. I'm not going to give up on you. This is really your doing, honestly.. You reigned me in and now I can't help but care about you. You can't just reel someone in and then push them away. We have something together.. At least.. I hope we do.. I hope none of this is a lie or a prank.."

He's quiet for a few moments, but his voice now sounds younger with a higher tone, "No. It's not a lie. I really do love you."

My heart feels heavy for him at that quick confession. I pull him into a hug, letting him once again cry on me. I comb his hair from the back of his head with my fingers in some vague attempt to comfort him as he cries. That teacher.. If I ever fucking find him.. He's a dead man. I'll make sure of it. He cries on me for a few minutes, with some short intervals of heavy breathing and hard sobbing which breaks my heart every time he does so. It sounds like years of repressing the truth coming out all at once. It must hurt like hell. But.. I'm glad I can be here for him.

"Let's do something fun this weekend. Just us two, together. We shouldn't stay stuck in here." I whisper, kissing his wet cheek, "Okay?"

His sobbing softens, giving himself a minute to compose himself before replying back, "Okay."

I promise, Soujiro.

I will make you happy again.


	8. Excuses

_Author's notes:_ _Hey everyone. :) I know, I know, I know what you're all thinking. But, great news! I downloaded this thing on my iPhone which is the official app, and I could actually update my documents on my phone. So what this means is that I get to write and work on the chapters wherever I go as long as I take my iPhone with me! So while I was working at my job, every time I get my short breaks and lunch, I just go at it like crazy for the past week on the app. So I'm really happy I have this and now I don't have anymore excuses to avoid writing while attending my full time job, LOL! I'm really sorry for the hiatus, but I am back for real and you will all be rewarded with an update **every Friday evening in the EDT time zone.**_ _Hope you enjoy this long awaited update!_

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 _"These excuses  
How they serve me so well  
They've kept me safe  
They've kept me stoic  
They've kept me locked in my own cell"_

 _\- Alanis Morisette_

It's the morning after. I woke up from my cell phone buzzing on Soujiro's night stand. He must've charged them together before our little movie night. Groaning from the sleepiness, I grab my phone from the charger and flip it over to see who in the world is bugging me. It's ten in the morning, and it's Sano trying to call me. Being butt naked and sleeping next to Soujiro, I don't think I'm in any position to talk to my best friend of over a decade like this. I press my thumb on the red button, sending him to the voicemail realm. I place my phone back on the night stand and roll around to see that I'm in the bed all by myself. I frown. Where's Soujiro? I sit up and rub my eyes with my palms, grumbling. Maybe he already woke up and is making breakfast for himself. Wonder what I can find to eat around here.

I can't believe last night happened. I don't really believe a lot of things have happened since I've met Soujiro, really. But this.. Last night.. It was different. More profound. There was something really disturbing in Soujiro's behaviors and thought processes, and I keep ruminating it inside my head as to what it could mean. I understand that getting molested by a teacher would really be traumatizing for some people.. well, _anybody_ , really, when you think about it. I would hate to have been in Soujiro's position at age fourteen. That's so disgusting and wrong on so many levels. I kick the blankets off of me and hop off the bed to trudge myself downstairs. Maybe there's more to Soujiro's confession that he's not telling me at this time..

But the question is.. Why?

As I step inside the kitchen, the scent that lingers couldn't be denied. Soujiro's making pancakes, like from the West. I don't really eat stuff from America or Canada, but pancakes really are a favorite of mine when I tried it the first time with Hiko some years ago. I watch Soujiro as he flips one pancake on the hot skillet, the butter hissing as he does so. I lean against the door way to just watch him. With his hair slightly tousled and pursing his lips as he concentrates on his cooking, he looks absolutely adorable. I had to try my best to hide my sheepish smirk. I cross my arms and it seems like he hasn't heard me come in yet, so I take this opportunity to study him. With just his boxer shorts and white t-shirt, Soujiro looks surprisingly ordinary. And I mean that in a good way. Just like that punk outfit he wore at the house party, I have to wonder just how many masks he puts on whenever his father is (or isn't) around. Is he the star pupil when his dad's home, or is he really the trash rocker when he isn't home? Is he the neighborhood's beloved charity worker, or is he the homosexual deviant who sleeps with anyone with a pulse?

My stomach drops slightly as I think about my memory with Hiko and the pancakes. I was only fourteen years old. I barely grew any facial hair at that age. I was practically skin and bones, and made fun of girls more so than wanted to date them. And then I think about the teacher that did those terrible things with a fourteen year old Soujiro.. And it just doesn't seem plausible at all. I know that pedophiles exist. It's just so hard to believe it. I guess tragedy has that sort of thing to them. It's unbelievable because believing it would hurt like hell when you admit that it's real. I can't believe people like that teacher even exist, and wonder how many children out there gets hurt because of them. It's horrific. It's sickening. Soujiro hums to himself soothingly as he picks up the plates and turns around to walk over to the kitchen table, still unaware of where I am standing. Once he set the platters down, I clear my throat which made him jump in surprise, whipping his head at me with shock.

"Oh! You scared me!" He laughs, "Morning! Are you hungry? Better eat it now before it gets cold!"

"Well, aren't you my little Steward Wife," I cooed teasingly as I walk my way up to the kitchen table to sit down, "Not that I mind, of course."

"Be my guest," Soujiro sits down with a grin, "I think you'll love these."

"Judging by the smell, I bet it's awesome," I take my fork and knife to dig in, "Do you do this whenever your dad travels?"

"Oh yeah. I eat like a pig when he isn't around to.."

I wait for him, cutting my piece of pancake. Placing it in my mouth, I chew on it and moan in delight, "Mmm, this is delicious!"

"Yeah," He chuckles after a pause, "I'm glad you like it!"

We continue eating in peace, scarfing down on pancakes drenched in maple syrup and with melted butter on top. He then made us some coffee with I drink plain black and some sugar. He seems to love to take it with lots of cream in it, though. I kind of like the contrast. We then walk to the living room to finish off our coffees together on the couch. Soujiro turns on the live TV and switches it to the local news, while I fumble with my phone to text Sano back.

 **kenshin where you been?**

 _busy with homework._

 **YOU? BUSY? WITH HOMEWORK?!**

 _yes dude, i actually want to fucking graduate with you guys._

 **yeah right! i didn't think you cared!**

 _well i do so fuck you :)_

 **... dude, was that an emoji? since when did you do that kinda shit?**

I flinch inwardly. Oops.

 _since i damn well felt like it. what's it to you? and what are you guys doing?_

 **me and yahiko got some kush if ur interested.**

That would be smash. Too bad I'm too busy having great sex.

 _this will sound stupid but i can't. maybe next time. i think i know what i wanna do when i go to uni._

 **fo real? what?**

 _i can't say. ;)_

 **fuck you lol. i'll tag you later on fb with pics.**

 _bye_

"Are your bros doing okay?" Soujiro asks with a strange leer while I back off with a yelp, "They must miss you dearly."

I scoff, "Whatever, they can fuck off and have a life without me in it twenty-four-seven. I have my own life, too."

"So you are enjoying yourself here.." He muses to himself, smiling down at his coffee cup, "That's a relief."

"A relief?"

"Yeah. I thought you'd leave right after we fucked."

My eyes snap open a centimeter. Soujiro..

"Is that.. Is that why you cried last night?"

Now it's his turn to look distraught, but only for a few seconds until he just snaps out of it and beams at me, "No! I told you already, it was because of those terrible memories! I'll be alright!"

"Soujiro.."

"Come on, we should do something fun together! What do you want to do? We can't just sit here and watch the TV all day." He switches off the device as a point of demonstration, "What can we do today?"

I just stare at him, not knowing what to say. What the hell can we do today? I mean, he's the one who invited me here in the first place.. He should know what to do, not me. If I had invited him to my place, I'd know what to do to keep him entertained. And I don't mean fucking him, though that would take up most of the day's activities if I could have my way with him. Anyway. But I just don't know what to do around here. Well, the nearby town has some activities that I am aware of, but I've never really been around that area before. Wouldn't hurt to look it up on my phone, though..

"We could.. I don't know. Take a trip."

Wow, Kenshin.

Great fucking job.

Are you twelve?

"That.." Soujiro starts, and I cringe, ".. Is a great idea, actually! Yeah! Let's do it! Let's take a trip, together!"

Huh?

"W-what?" I stammer, blushing, "I..!"

"Hmm? Oh, don't worry about the money. I'll take care of that. Why don't we travel by bus to Hiroshima? I mean, I could drive us, but.. I bet it'd be fun for me to travel just like you regular folks."

"Us regular folks?" My eyebrow shots up. He grins.

"Exactly. Like you wonderful, wonderful regular people. I had fun on the bus ride with you and your friends to that zoo, remember?"

"You're.. something." I sigh and get up, giving up, "Fine. Let's go to Hiroshima."

"Yay!"

So that's what we're going to do. After we showered together and brushed our teeth, got dressed, and packed a couple of small carry on luggage, Soujiro and I left the mansion to head down to the nearest bus station. I check the bus schedule on my phone while Soujiro asks the receptionist there for what the price for the tickets to Hiroshima are. After all that's said and done, I find myself staring blankly ahead to the front of the bus shuttle, stunned at this strange turn of events. How did we get this far already? How is it that Soujiro and I are taking a trip many miles away from home, when I don't really know much about him since last week? How? How does Soujiro have this much power over me?

Well, there really is no more time to ponder. As the bus lifts up and hisses, my mind does a record scratch and I am awake to find the world peeling past us on the window next to me. Soujiro brought us a pair of our own earbuds so that we can listen to our respective music on our phones, and thank goodness he did. I like to let my mind wander while I listen to some tunes, especially when things are stressing me out. I wonder where in the world we're going to sleep at. Does Soujiro even know which hotel to rent? I've never been to Hiroshima before. What do people even do there, anyway?

During the bus ride, Soujiro took out his ear buds and just fiddled with his phone to read an e-book of some type. It didn't take long, however, for him to start dozing off and rest his head on my shoulder. Despite me blushing deeply, I don't dare move him. His hair smells so nice today.

After three hours of being stuck in that bus, we finally made it. Hopping off the bus, we roll our luggages behind us as I start asking Soujiro where we should stay for tonight. He mentions something about a place he stayed at with a friend one time, and should have a hotel in this city too. He looks in his phone and immediately finds it, and we hail a cab to get there.

"Shouldn't you reserve a room first?" I ask.

"Don't worry about it."

We arrive to the front of this massive grand hotel. I mean, it looked like a fucking palace. What is this place? I was staring at it like a dumb fuck while Soujiro was still in the cab, paying and chatting with the driver. The driver was laughing, not sure why or what Soujiro might've said to make him do that. My mind is too focused on the beautiful place in front of me. Royal families must've lived here eons ago. It looks brand new, or maybe it's a very old hotel that has since been updated to attract more clients. Either way.. I really like it so far. Soujiro and I walked through the glass doors that separate automatically as we come near it. Like Soujiro's bathroom, there's marble and glass and gold trimmings everywhere, and it smells like a spa room in here. I relax immediately. Maybe I really don't have anything to worry about, right?

"One bedroom, please."

"Your name, sir?"

"Seta Soujiro, of the Seta Enterprise."

"O-Oh, yes, yes of course! Right this way, sir! Shall we carry your luggages too! I'll be sure to have someone bring up champagne on ice for you two pronto!"

My mind is swimming. Our suitcases were taken from us by a couple of these butlers and we went inside this really neat glass elevator where I can see the entirety of the hotel's insides as we ride upwards. Traveling up through one level, I see a big blanket of water coming down on one side, and Soujiro tells me that it's just part of their little entertainment for the guests. Like some weird fountain or something. I was a little too stumped to reply to him and just watch as the water continues to go down from outside of the elevator. We finally made it all the way up of the building, where we were brought inside a "presidential" suite. Whatever in the world that means..

"Say, Soujiro.."

"Masters, your room.. awaits." One of the butlers interrupts me, opening the massive door to our room.

...

Holy fuck.

Am I dreaming?

This place, it's..

"It's.. h.." I couldn't finish the sentence, hearing Soujiro giggling from behind me. The butlers wait patiently while I take a few steps inside the master suite, probably the best room of this entire hotel. It looks like a beautiful apartment that's far too expensive for just anyone to live in. There's a massive family room with a stone fireplace, padded with lush furniture for a comfier living. A flat screen TV is adorned above the fireplace, and it's big enough for a night of watching endless horror movies with Soujiro. If he wants to, of course. I know I do. I look to the left to see that the family room stretches out to a kitchen with a complete double oven, an island for us to cut and prepare food on, and all the expensive silverware a man could ever want and more. To my right, there is a wall with the doors open to show a sitting room and a dinning room down across from it, with a large redwood finished table that's much too large for just us two boys. It would be suited for a family, actually! I wonder what the bedrooms looks like..

I gulp.

"That'll be all, gentlemen," I hear Soujiro bid them a friendly goodbye, "If you bring the champagne here, please add some edibles with it, too. I'm feeling a little hungry from my travels."

"Yes, sir!"

The door closes behind me and I turn around, my lips already crushed by that boy as he kisses me hungrily. As if all that traveling had ramped up his hormones to desire a feverish lovemaking. I clasp his forearms and yank him off of me before I whisper, "The fuck?"

He seems stunned for a second, but then his eyes cloud over with lust and tries to kiss me again, but I tighten my hold so that he can't move as freely, "Kenshin..!"

"We can't.." I shake my head with shut eyes, "We can't just fuck whenever you want! Those guys will be up any minute! And.. don't they.. don't they know your father? Do they know who you're really a part of? You're already stepping on thin ice renting an entire suite for the both of us. I'm not a girl, Soujiro! I'm a guy, just like you! What are they.. I.."

And then my heart thumps when I see him start to laugh, with a strange bitter sadness in his eyes and on his lips. What is going on now? Is he losing his mind again? I gotta wake him up from this madness. I start to shake him, snarling, "Wake up! Snap out of it! We're here, aren't we? I'm glad you took me here, Soujiro! You don't have to fuck me just to keep me around!"

That did it. He abruptly stops laughing, hesitating and not knowing what to say at that. I grunt, staring straight inside those beautiful blue eyes that will surely haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. The room stills with a silence. He stares at me for some time before his eyes naturally fall to the floor, desolate and confused. Oh shit. Is that true, then? Does Soujiro.. Does he really think that people are just out there just to use him and not really care about him? Did he ever had a true friend to depend on? Or have they all fucked him, in one way or another? Did he felt used and abused and now cannot trust that someone, anyone, could possibly find him interesting in his own right? And has to resort to waving his money or sex appeal around in order to win some friends? My grasp on his forearms starts to falter at that realization, a small startling gasp escaping my lips as I do so. I knew there was one thing I can do for him right now..

I quickly pull him into a fierce hug, wrapping my arms around his frail body and engulfing my slightly larger build onto him. I rub my face into his neck, fighting to stop the tears that are coming. Why? Why do I care so much? Why does this hurt me too? How can all of this happen so suddenly and yet, so intensely? Is the saying of two souls that meet each other, can transcend the physics of time, and can be together and actually stay together? I don't want to let Soujiro go. Something about him seems so broken deep down. I have to find out what it is. That teacher.. He must've done way more than drag Soujiro's young hand down his pants. There has to be more there that are more sinister and disgusting and absolutely life ruining for any child to go through. There has to be more..

There just has to be.

"K.. Kenshin..?"

 _"Don't talk."_ I breathe, _"Please!"_

He shuts up. A few beats later, he melts into this hug, wrapping his own arms around my mid section. We stay like that for a long time. I just have to let Soujiro know that he's more important than he realizes. That he doesn't need to impress me or my friends in order to get us to like him. It doesn't work like that. I wonder if maybe his father taught him that, though. That people are only interested in what you can provide for them. That nobody could possibly like or care for Soujiro unless he coughs up some yen for the enjoyment of others. I tighten my hold of him at that thought, a quiet sob escaping my lips. No. No! It's just not true! It couldn't be! Soujiro is every bit as important as I know he is! Money can never change that..

A very soft voice calls out my name, "Kenshin.."

".. Let's go out." I break the hug carefully, my grin not betraying the tears in my eyes as I look at his confused face, "Let's have fun, okay? Let's just.. I don't know. I want us to have a normal time together. Without spending a lot of money or having sex, okay? Can we do that, Soujiro? Can we?"

His eyes widen, grunting and not knowing what to say for a while until he nods, "Um.. okay.."

We leave the hotel and I take my phone out to start researching on things to do in this place. What do people around here do for fun? What is Hiroshima famous for? My search engine immediately pops up endless suggestions, from karaoke to shopping malls and aquariums and small boat rides. Perfect! I show Soujiro my phone as we walk down the busy streets, and he starts to lighten up with giggling over the phone's ideas. He first suggests going to a nearby arcade, and I agreed. We find one not too far away from the hotel, really just a short bus ride away. As we enter, the smell of cheap food and machinery hits us, and I sigh contently. I have so many fond memories of hanging out in places like this with my friends. Soujiro seems a bit lost on what to do or where to go, so I kindly show him where to get the special coins.

"Special.." His eyebrow flickers up, "Coins?"

"Yeah. They're used for the machines so that you can play the games." I laugh good naturedly, paying the kind gentleman at the reception desk for the coins, "Don't tell me you've never been to an arcade before?"

"I.. I haven't. No. This is my first time.." Soujiro's cheeks redden.

"It's alright," I shrug, "I'll be your guide."

"I'll be your guide." Soujiro repeats after me with a low mumble and foolish grin, which made me even crack a chuckle.

I showed Soujiro some machines that were showing old school titles like Donkey Kong and Mortal Kombat, and he told me his tales over playing these games a lot as a child. I join in with his reminiscing, telling him about the games that Hiko and I played together many years ago. I made sure to hand Soujiro plenty of coins to let him play the machines to his heart's content, rooting for him when he beat the level and laughing at him when he would lose. We would move from machine to machine, trying to find the perfect one that would itch the spot for us, somehow. I was busy playing PacMan like a boss when I could feel myself standing there all alone. I look around and over my shoulders to try and find Soujiro, to no avail. I frown and then shrugged, turning around to continue playing. Only one more level to go before I beat the second highest ranked player! Whoever Meechan is, they're fucking finished!

"Come on.." I bite my lower lip in anticipation while I move my yellow round friend around and avoiding the enemies, the fluorescent flashing lights making my eyes hurt. I concentrated on the game enough to almost finish it, when I felt the emptiness grow even larger than before. I look around and all the other visitors are gone, and that's when I hear a group clamoring from a short distance away. I walk off and try to follow the noise, walking deeper into the arcade until I'm in a bigger room. I see the crowd circling around something. The energy in the air feels insane. What's going on? I carefully push through them, at least enough so that I see, just up ahead, two young men standing in front of each other. They bow, and turn their backs on all of us, the big screen that I haven't noticed before lighting up to a bright white, making the crowd go wild.

Then I hear it.

 **"Dance Dance Revolution 2!"**

I recognize one of the player's hair and clothing..

"Soujiro..?" I whisper to myself, completely drowned by the crowd's screaming.

 **"Let's begin! Round one!"**

The video starts and I see the players moving their feet to the colored squares flashing by, slow at first. I can't recall what the title of the song is, but it sounds pretty peppy and Western like. I know because of some of the English words that I can pick up in the air as everyone cheers on:

 _"I'm so into you  
_ _I can barely breathe."_

I watch intently as Soujiro fluidly moves his feet under the bright lights beneath him, as if he had practiced this game to perfection. I wonder what his real childhood is like. Not the childhood that has to do with his father's business trips, or living in mansions, or going to fancy boarding schools. I wanna know how he dealt with his childish fears like sleeping the dark, or thunderstorms wailing outside when all he had was a teddy bear to hold. I wonder how many scrapes or bruises he acquired and how he would wear them with pride like I did as a kid. I wanna know if he ever received a secret valentine, or if he believed in Santa for a lot longer than his own peers.

I want to know how he reacted to his mother's passing.

 _"And all I wanna do is to fall in deep  
_ _But close ain't close enough  
_ _Till we cross the line."_

Soujiro looks like he's having so much fun. When he would twirl around on one foot and step on one square with the other, laughing like he hasn't had fun like this in centuries.. I would feel something strange inside my chest. His brown hair would swoop over his head, his bangs nearly covering his eyes, and every time our eyes would lock for a split second, my stomach drops. I never felt this way before.

 _"So name a game to play,  
_ _and I'll roll the dice,  
_ _hey."_

The computer screams out the scores every so often, and it looks like Soujiro is topping. Even though the song isn't really my style, I'll admit.. Soujiro looks really good dancing to it. At that thought, my cheeks flush and I chuckle nervously. The other player seems to be hesitant with his steps, but Soujiro looks every bit as confident as a dancing professional. The lights, the sounds, the heat of all the bodies screaming.. it's too much. My heart flutters and my ear drums feel raw from all the sensations. Every body seems to cheer on Soujiro more so than the other guy. Poor dude.

 _"Oh baby, look what you started  
_ _The temperature's rising in here  
_ _Is this gonna happen?  
_ _Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move  
_ _Before I make a move."_

I wonder..

I wonder so much..

The song now picks up the pace and so does the speed of the flashing squares on the screen.

 _"So baby, come light me up and baby I'll let you on it  
_ _A little bit dangerous, but baby, that's how I want it  
_ _A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body  
_ _'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you  
_ _Got everyone watchin' us, so baby, let's keep it secret  
_ _A little bit scandalous, but baby, don't let them see it  
_ _A little less conversation and a little more touch my body  
_ _'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you, oh yeah."_

The crowd goes wild as he steps on all the lights on the floor flawlessly.

Soujiro..

 _"This could take some time, hey  
I made too many mistakes  
_ _Better get this right, right, baby."_

I remember when you told me you loved me the first time..

 _"Oh baby, look what you started  
_ _The temperature's rising in here  
_ _Is this gonna happen?  
_ _Been waiting and waiting for you to make a move  
_ _Before I make a move."_

You're not.. lying to me about that..

Are you?

 _"So baby, come light me up and baby I'll let you on it  
_ _A little bit dangerous, but baby, that's how I want it  
_ _A little less conversation, and a little more touch my body  
_ _'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you  
_ _Got everyone watchin' us, so baby, let's keep it secret  
_ _A little bit scandalous, but baby, don't let them see it  
_ _A little less conversation and a little more touch my body  
_ _'Cause I'm so into you, into you, into you."_

 **"WINNER!"**

I snap out of it in time as the crowd continues to cheer a little louder this time, full of admiration of the handsome brunet who is now jumping from the gaming platform and onto the floor. Right in front of me. He takes a moment to gather himself before lifting his head up to smile at me, and my chest jumps. Soujiro. I take in a faltering breath as I feel his fingers intertwining with mines, the heat so quiet and yet so.. I couldn't finish my thoughts because Soujiro walks on with his hand in mine, almost dragging me behind him as we rush through the sweaty crowd. The song continues and I hear some folks yelling after us, but we don't stop. We start running out of the arcade, laughing for no reason. Soujiro whips around once we are in a corner of the street and giggles, "Was I good, or was I good?!"

"You were amazing!" I breathed, shaking my head subtly with a chuckle, "Damn, Soujiro!"

He beams at me, tightening his hand around mine, "Where to?"

"Huh?"

"I'm having a lot of fun! But, I want to go where you want to go, Kenshin."

Another jump. I gulp, smiling demurely at myself.

"I'm actually kinda hungry, to be honest."

"Let's go eat, then!"

So that's what we did; scouring the city for a quick bite. Because we're such big fans of sushi, we kept asking my phone for the nearest (and best) restaurant with an abundance of seafood cuisine. Finally after walking around for half an hour, we settled for a moderately upscale looking place. I think I have enough money on my debit card's savings account that Hiko helped me with when I did under-the-table job gigs since I was fifteen. Saving is super important, Hiko used to say, and I believed him. I still do, sort of.

Anyway.

"Right this way, boys." Our waitress, an attractive bottle blonde, escorts us to a nice table next to a window, "Shall we start with a drink?"

"Strawberry soda." Soujiro beams at her, making her giggle. Ugh.

I wonder if my fake ID can help me get away with having alcohol. Then again, maybe that's a bad idea..

"And you, sir?" She looks at me, her glossy smile catching me off guard for a second.

Well, here goes nothing, right?

"I'll have a beer."

She gapes at me for what feels like a long time, and then whoops into a fit of laughter, "Okay! Coming right up!"

She walks away while trying to tone down her laughing, and we both look on with confusion. Wonder what that was about?

"Do you think she knows I'm too young to drink?" I blink.

Soujiro turns to me, sniggering, "I think she did, but because you're so handsome and sure of yourself, she'll pour you a pity drink."

I scoff with a smirk, "Fuck you."

We chit chatted about school and the homework we have to sadly face after this trip. Soujiro swears that he will help me if I come to study period with him in the school library, and I reluctantly agreed with him. We talked about what is it we really wanted to do, bouncing ideas off of each other with really silly careers like "clown doctor", "marijuana chemist", and "sex technician."

Our waitress comes back with our respective drinks, making it a point to turn to me and give me a playful wink before walking away. Soujiro giggles at my red face and I grimaced at him.

"Don't laugh, but.. I've always wanted to be a vet for the animals. Especially stray animals with nowhere to go." Soujiro takes a sip of his soda while resting his cheek against his palm.

"That's.." He looks into my eyes as I talk, "Really nice, actually. You should totally do it."

He sits there staring at me quietly, his eyes flashing to his drink with an uneasy frown, "I can't."

"Why not?" I drink my beer.

"Dad wouldn't allow it. He wants me to major in international business and politics so that I am primed for the corporation when he finally retires."

I set down my beer, "Dude. Fuck that. Fuck _all_ of that. You should do what _you_ want, not him."

He smirks, his eyes showing a hint of melancholy, "It's not that simple."

"It's plenty fucking simple," I grit my teeth, already annoyed, "Just tell him what you want to do and he'll respect that, if he really cares about you."

He sighs, "It's really not that simple, Kenshin. You don't know what it's like to be the son of one of the most powerful men in the country."

"No, but I know what it's like to stay true to myself. That's the way to be in this world."

"In this world.." Soujiro trails off, his eyes coming up to my face, "We all play a role in this world. I happened to be pegged in mine thanks to my dad. I should be thankful for it, really. I'll never have to worry about money again."

"Is everything about money to you?" I sneer.

"Yes. Unlike you, I happen to live in the real world."

"I wonder how you'd look with beer dripping down from your hair." I threaten with a glower, his eyes also showing fierce anger. We sit like that in intense silence for a while before the waitress came bouncing back.

"Are you ready to order?"

"Yes!" In an instant, Soujiro is back to being his usual chipper self, "We'd like to order the rainbow selection for the sushi."

"Of course! Anything else?"

"Another beer." I grumble to myself. Thankfully, she heard me and giggles to herself as she takes our menus away.

We avoid each other's eyes and fiddle with our phones instead. I don't have to put up with his shit. Who does he think he is? I roll my eyes with a sigh, deciding to open up my Facebook. I decide to text Sano and see what he's up to. Oh wait.. he's offline. Okay, well, what about Yahiko? I scroll through, deflating when I realized that he too, is offline. I check Kaoru, Megumi, Misao.. they're all offline. Where the fuck are they? It's the weekend! Maybe they're out partying somewhere. Without me. I'm here, instead, hanging out with a stuck up bitch. And not even a hot female one, at that! I scroll through my friends list until I stop at one of the online ones who are available to chat:

 **aoshi, u there?**

 _yes. what's up?_

 **i'm bored.**

 _... and?_

 **entertain me, you jerk. what are u up to?**

 _i'm with misao. her bunny's sick, so i'm here to support her._

 **you mean there to fuck her.**

 _support, fuck, what's the difference._

 **LOL. how is she?**

 _she's okay, just worried. the bunny seems to not want to eat or do anything._

 **that is weird. i hope it doesn't die on us.**

 _me neither. where are you, anyway?_

Um. Hmm. How do I put this down delicately?

 **i'm with soujiro. he's helping me study for something.**

A half lie is better than a complete lie, right?

 _ah that's nice. how is he? still a psycho?_

 **sadly.**

 _lol. well, i better get going, but i'll text you later on. sano has an idea for all of us this week._

 **cool.**

"Um.. Hi!"

I almost jump out of my skin as a new voice greets me, and I turn to my side to see two young ladies around my age smiling down at me. They're both dressed like they just got out of some night club which, with this time and setting, looks really bizzare. One has long brown hair and the other is in red pigtails, both adorned in tastefully applied makeup. I grunt, unsure of what to say, and not even Soujiro is able to say anything. Who are these girls?

"We like, totally saw you at the arcade and my friend Meechan here," The brunette elbows the red haired beauty in the ribs, "Got really jealous that you beat her score in PacMan."

"Yeah!" Meechan giggles, sticking out her tongue playfully.

"Whoa.. You're the actual Meechan?" My eyes widen, "I didn't think I could beat your score at all!"

She blushes, "Well, you did, so we just came here to congratulate you."

"And to maybe buy you some drinks. Unless.. you want to buy us drinks first." The brunette chuckles, "I'm Okita, by the way."

"Kenshin," I smile, enjoying this flirtatious banter already.

"That's such a cute name!" Meechan squeals, making her friend giggle along with her.

I couldn't help but let my eyes flash over to Soujiro and see that he's just looking at them blankly for some reason. Maybe he's a little shy with girls. Well, that wouldn't make sense, being a good looking guy and all. Whatever, more for me! I turn back to the girls and ask them a little about themselves, which they happily lap it up by talking about the schools they go and what they like to do for fun.

"And Meechan here has a thing for guys with long hair." Okita rubs her finger against Meechan's blushing cheek, "Don't you, dear?"

"Okitasan, stop it!" She whines, which made me chuckle airily.

"Heyyy, who's your friend?" Okita finally pays attention to Soujiro, "What's your name?"

He smiles, "Soujiro Seta."

"That's an even lovelier name." Okita purrs.

Do I sense a foursome?

Get a hold of yourself, Kenshin.

I refuse to be like that pervert Sanosuke.

"Not as lovely as your faces." I bravely complimented, which made them writhe and giggle among themselves. Suddenly, I feel a certain weight on my thigh which caught me off guard for a second. What is that, what―

"―Ah!" I nearly jump up from my seat and hitting the table, making the girls flinch also. Something.. something is on my leg..?

"You okay?" Okita giggles uneasily as Meechan stares at me weirdly.

"Never.. never better." I grunt, feeling the weight slowly traveling up more and more by the second, "Ha ha.."

".. Okay then," Okita turns to Soujiro now, "We were wondering if you'd like to hang out with us tonight. We know a good place to chill, it's right downtown from here and all the coolest people will be there."

"Yeah, like, DJs and new coming artists and stuff." Meechan gushes.

The weight now applies pressure on my crotch. What the fuck? Is that.. is that Soujiro's fucking foot on my lap? I glare at him from across the table, but he's too busy smiling like a happy little saint in front of the girls.

"What's the place called?" Soujiro asks with a tilt of his head, his foot driving deeper into my crotch, as if threatening me. I grunt, feeling my cheeks burning.

"The Jump Club. Really hot." Okita states nonchalantly with a flip of her long hair over her shoulder, "Where are you guys staying?"

"The Grand Golden Gates Hotel." Soujiro also answers nonchalantly. If he had longer hair, he'd flip it too. I can hear the girls gasping in stunned silence.

"What the fuck? Are you guys rich or something?!" Meechan squeaks, "That makes you two even better than before!"

"I'll say!" Okita gasps.

"U-um," I grab my napkin in a fit of desperation as Soujiro rubs his foot against my now enlarging member, "M-maybe we can exchange numbers?"

Soujiro pushes his foot deeper, threatening me even harder. I bite my lower lip.

"Sure, if you can stop making that face. You sick or something?" Okita laughs a little harshly as she whips out her phone to turn it on, "What's your number?"

Soujiro's foot dips lower. I guess he doesn't want this to happen.

".. On second thought, why don't you give me your numbers? We will definitely call you." I answer in uneven breaths, trying my best to appear as normal as possible despite the awkward circumstances from below the table.

Soujiro's foot slowly backs off. Better, then?

"Sure." Okita shrugs and I hand her my phone so she can punch her digits in before she hands it to Meechan to do the same, "Make sure you call us, or else."

"Or else what?" I smirk with a leer, which made Soujiro push his foot into my crotch a little harder than before, "Mmf!"

"Oh nothing, just something really bad." Okita winks at me before whipping around and waving her hand at us from behind, "Later!"

"See you around, boys!" Meechan now winks at Soujiro who responds with a friendly beam before catching up with her friend.

As soon as they both leave the resturant entirely, Soujiro retracts his foot away from me and he continues to eat the sushi rolls without saying anything. I gape at him in horror, ".. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

He shrugs with one shoulder.

"Come on," I chuckle nervously, "Don't tell me you don't want to get your dick wet with those girls, right?"

He chews his food quietly, and then stops, opening his eyes to look at me bemusedly, "Why would I want that?"

"Why the fuck not?" I snigger a little harder now, "They're both begging for it and you know it."

He frowns, "I don't want it. I don't want them. Why do you even want them?"

I look at him for a while, confused, "I thought.. but.. I thought you liked having sex with girls?"

"I'm sexually satisfied thanks to you." He smiles somberly while looking down at his food.

"That's not what I mean." I look around the restaurant with just my eyes, almost convinced that the entire place heard what Soujiro just said.

"But it's true." Soujiro sits up straighter now, looking defiantly at me now.

"Will you keep your voice down? People can hear us." I slouch over my plate and cringe, almost swearing I can see the guy from the next table over looking over at Soujiro for a quick moment before continuing on eating his food.

Soujiro sighs, "Fine. Let's just hurry up and go."

"What's your beef?" I seethe in a scathing whisper, making him scowl in return.

"Nothing. Let's just go."

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We walk silently side by side down the streets, without any sense of direction or destination. That was really awkward back there. I wonder what is going inside Soujiro's head right now. I wonder if I somehow instigated his moodiness or even hurt his feelings. I mean.. he did confessed that he loves me and hasn't let up with that since then, so I do wonder if I accidentally broke his heart flirting with those girls.

I watch Soujiro walking ahead of me, studying the back of his head and how the sun gives him subtle highlights. I think he had high hopes for this trip, honestly. Maybe he wondered if it is possible for someone, even a runt like myself, could ever like him for who he is and not what he brings to the table. He brought us the bus tickets, the hotel room, and even the sushi. And what did I do to thank him? By throwing at myself to those random sluts.

I suddenly remember how he looked at me that night at his house party: _"I love you.. Kenshin."_

I stop walking, a heaviness falling over my head. I'm such an asshole to him. I'm a jerk to pretty much everyone else, but I think I act way worse when I'm with him. Why? Why can't I learn to trust and enjoy his presence as easily as my friends do? Am I the one in the wrong here? Is Soujiro really not hiding anything and all he really wants is to find his own place in the world?

I mean.. who am I to get in the way of that?

"Soujiro.." I mumble loud enough for him to hear and stop walking also, ".. Stop."

He waits for me. I gulp dryly.

"Let's just go home.. okay?" I state this quietly, my chest hurting from the guilt.

We stood there for a long time, our hair rustled with a strong gust of wind as it passes by us. What is he thinking of now?

Soujiro finally looks over his shoulder at me with a warm smile and says, "Let's go to the shopping mall. There's something I want to buy for myself."

My eyes widen with a grunt. That's a weird thing to request after a heated argument. But looking deep into those blue eyes, I have a feeling that the last thing he wants is to drag on the awkwardness for longer than necessary. Well, if he insists. I sigh, "Okay."

We arrive at this nice outlet mall that's near our hotel. Must be where the actual rich folks shop at. I can hardly spell out or recognize the store names or clothing brands everywhere I turn. As the shopping customers walk by, they would smile at Soujiro but glared at my less than fashionable clothing choices. Class discrimination is real, y'all. Good thing my famous _"Don't come close to me unless you want to die"_ face keeps everyone at bay wherever we go.

Soujiro stops in a big clothing store that sells nothing but pure high end brands. I can't even look at the tags without feeling nausea from all the zeroes. How the fuck do some people afford this without batting an eye at the register till? Ridiculous. I walk and look around in boredom, shoving my hands into my jean pockets casually.

I keep getting dirty looks from the store clerks, so I try not to stray too far from Soujiro in case they start following me around or accuse me of stealing. Which, unfortunately, is something I go through every time I go shopping with Hiko on a rare moon.

Soujiro leads me to the fitting room and tells me he'll be out in a few minutes. I shrug in response. When he disappears, I look around the area just a bit away from the fitting room out of curiosity. I'm really not a shopping guy, now that I think about it. Even if I had as much money as Soujiro does.. I highly doubt I'd be into dressing well or anything like that. That's for women to enjoy, honestly. Give me a pair of jeans, a shirt, shoes, the basic essentials, and I'm golden.

Clothes. Hmph. Who needs em..

I abruptly stop as my eyes land on something that's out of this world. It's a sleek, tight fitted leather jacket, finished to a near black gloss. The insides is a velvet red satin texture and, just from feeling the sleeves, it's leather is definitely of a genuine kind. Is it lamb skin they made with this too? Holy shit. I've only ever worn one leather jacket, but it's a flimsy piece of shit compared to this garment. The zippers and buttons remind me of sterling silver that Kaoru takes from her mother's jewelry box sometimes.

I dared myself to take a look at the price tag: ¥ _67,454.10!_ I take a wobbly step back, my head swimming over how expensive it is.

Oh well. It will probably look nice on a richer guy than it would on me..

"Do you like it?"

I flinch from Soujiro suddenly appearing next to me, smiling at me like a god damn idiot, "Fuck! Don't scare me like that, dammit!"

He giggles, "I'm sorry! I just came out of the fitting room and found you drooling over that jacket. So I'll ask you again.. do you like it?"

My eyes tighten suspiciously at him, "Why do you care?"

He looks at the jacket carefully before peering at the price tag. He looks back at me and tilts his head with that grin on his face still, "Do you want me to buy it?"

I looked at him like he just grew a giant fucking cock from the side of his neck, "Are you out of your mind?"

He shakes his head, "No. I want to buy it for you."

"Uh uh! No way!" I cross my arms, "I am _not_ letting you buy me off like a whore."

Soujiro laughs harder, "Whoa there! Who said anything about you being a whore? I just wanted to give this to you as a gift. People deserve nice things sometimes. And you're a part of that group, too."

I grit my teeth despite my blushing, "Yeah right."

"Come on. At least try it. What's the worst thing that could happen?" Soujiro takes the expensive jacket from the clothing rack, "This looks to be your perfect size. Worst case, you don't like it, we can put it back here, and forget about it."

I'm looking at the floor from a side glance, "And if I like it..?"

"Then I'll buy it for you."

My eyes look at him, "What's the catch?"

He smirks, "Man, I could pinch those cheeks. Literally nothing is the catch here, Kenshin. It's on me."

But everything was already on you! I wanted to scream. But he jangles the jacket in front of me, actively trying to seduce me to try it on. I take it by the hanger and scoff, walking off to head into the fitting room.

With the curtains drawn and taking off my regular jacket, I stare at the new leather jacket hanging on the wall in front of me. Should I really try this on despite my gut telling me otherwise? I touch the fabric with my finger tips delicately; it feels so nice and beautiful. It is definitely worth its heavy price tag. I inhale sharply, carefully slipping the jacket on me, and I turn around to face the full length mirror.

With my red hair, I look like a spitfire. In a really, really good way. I look fucking bad ass! I lift my shoulders up and then my arms, and Soujiro turned out to be correct that it is the perfect fit. I turn to both my sides, and then back around to look over my shoulder to see what the behind looked like in the mirror. It fits like a dream. It _feels_ and _looks_ like a dream..

...

God dammit.

"Soooooo?" Soujiro coos playfully with a smirk and crossed arms, leaning on a wall where I found him outside of the fitting area.

I hesitate for a few seconds, and then I shrug, "It fits."

"And?"

".. And it looked great on me."

"Aaand?"

I glare at him, but he nods at me to continue, ".. And I really like it?"

"What's that? You want it also?"

I roll my eyes with a sharp sigh, _"Yes!"_

"Perfect. That was really all you had to say." Soujiro whips out his wallet and we head to the register tills for the checkout.

Lying in the huge bed back in the hotel suite, I switch on the flat screen television that hangs on the corner of the ceiling to watch the local news. Car accidents, missing persons, stock market. The same old boring bullshit. Still, I let myself doze off while watching it. I think we had made the most of this trip. There's still tomorrow to have more fun, and then Sunday will be spent traveling back home to Kyoto. I wonder what we can do tomorrow, actually. As the news anchor yap about the weather, I take out my phone to find a new Facebook message from someone. It's the girl from Soujiro's old school. My stomach drops. Oh fuck, oh fuck! I almost forgot all about her! What is she going to tell me now? Should I even care?

I realized now that her name is Ninomori. I open the app to read her message: **Heyy, remember me? xx I totally got busy with school work but I got some dirt on that Soujiro if you're still interested. ;)**

 _Hey what's up?_

 **I'm good, I'm good. So like, yeah, I asked around, and it turns out that Soujiro's dad pulled him out of the school because of this really icky rumor about him.**

 _Icky rumor?_

 **Yeah... uhhhh, apparently our little Soujiro got his dick sucked by one of our senpais some time ago LOL!**

 _Oh shit.. somebody caught him in the act?_

 **Apparently so. But I'm not friends with the person who saw it. I'll have to ask around some more, but I think we are both getting somewhere with this. Because I remembered that after that rumor got around, THAT'S when Soujiro got really aggressive and started lashing out at all of us. Which, omg, it was so sad because we all really liked him but it was like he became possessed or something. But anyway, yeah, I was so shocked when you messaged me first about this because I could've sworn Soujiro was moved away to a different country altogether.**

 _what makes you say that?_

 **Well... I'll be honest, but I met his dad. And his dad says that he tends to send Soujiro to a weird school in Russia or something whenever he misbehaves. He apparently went there several times in his life. It's like his prison or something and his dad's the warden. So creepy.**

 _That is weird, wtf._

 **Yeah :(**

 _Will I ever meet Soujiro's dad? How private is he?_

 **Well... you seem like a handsome guy. And if the rumor about Soujiro is true, I am more than willing to bet that you'll meet his dad soon. Apparently Soujiro always takes his fuck buddies to meet his dad as a way to, like, win the dad's trust or something. Just so the dad doesn't think his friends are actually his lovers, you know? Like this makes me sick just thinking about it but I really do think Soujiro does fuck around with a lot of guys and I bet he has herpes or something lol**

 _Did he ever hurt your feelings?_

 **Yeah kinda. I thought he liked me a lot but.. yeah, he's a real gentleman with the ladies. never tries to fuck them. I don't think he's even interested in women, which is sad.**

 _So he's gay._

 **Sadly!**

 _This is all very helpful, thank you. I'll make sure to ask around also._

 **Do so because Soujiro's a snake in the grass and has pulled some fucked up pranks and made people fight each other over him. he's a drama queen but with a dick! anyhoo, ta! xx**

"Who were you talking to?"

I cringe, "My dad's worries but I told him that I'm fine and just with a friend."

I turn to my side to see Soujiro finished with showering, his hair wet and dripping. I blush, looking down at myself, and he replies, "I see. You can take the bathroom now if you'd like."

I do so, taking my time with enjoying the hot water and the complimentary toiletries. I'm not going to lie, I'll miss living like this once I go back home. Soujiro has really opened up my eyes about the luxury delights that he has access to on the daily.

I really wonder how this whole investigation is going to turn out. It sounds like his dad knows of his son's promiscuity and tries to control it with that other school. Those photos of him in Russia is starting to make sense. He seems kinda happy in them, though..

Hmm.

I come out of the bathroom in a towel, surprised to find the bedroom lights dimmed almost all the way down. The television is off and the sun is staring to set from the large balcony windows. I let my eyes fall on the bed to find Soujiro lying there casually reading a magazine on his stomach, his towel barely covering his ass.

"Soujiro?"

He turns to look at me over his slender shoulder and smiles, "You're back."

I carefully close the bathroom door next to me before walking over to sit on the edge of the bed, "Yeah. What're you reading there?"

He shows me the magazine for home design. My eyebrows slowly shifts and he giggles, "My dad's buying a new house like an hour away from our mansion."

"What for?"

"A summer home. I'm just trying to see which theme I want it to be. He lets me choose."

"That's nice," I plop down on the bed right on my stomach, crawling towards him, singing the Jaws movie jingle.

Soujiro laughs, "Oh no!"

"Here he comes!" I chuckle and glomp over him to take a nibble of his neck, "Mmm mm!"

"You're ridiculous." Soujiro chuckles even harder, "That tickles!"

I let go, smirking and looking into his eyes, "Good."

We kiss, melting into each other. Soon Soujiro climbs on top of me as we make out heavily, feeling the both of us hardening. I mean, I know I said that I like Soujiro outside of his financial and sexual gifting.. but feeling him all over with my hands and hearing his delectable moans against my mouth, I knew I couldn't resist.

He breaks the kiss and whispers, "Give me your phone."

I chuckle, "What?"

"Let me have your phone," He sits up, straddling my lap, "I want to see it."

"What for?" I shake my head, still giggling.

"Please, Kenshin.." He leans over slightly to slip his hand over my chest to start stroking and flicking my nipple, "Please?"

My breath hitches at the spark of electricity from the touching. I grab my phone from the night stand next to the bed and handed it to Soujiro, who very nearly snatched it from my hand. He turns it on, the bright light making his eyes look even paler than usual, "Passcode?"

"42069."

He smirks while rolling his eyes, punching in the numbers to open up my phone. Note to self: change my immature passcode. Even though I trust that he won't go through everything on my phone, I do want to hide Ninamori from him at the very least.

"What're you doing?"

"Looking for those girls' numbers," He replies casually, "From today at the restaurant."

"Are we calling them?"

"No," Soujiro pinched my nipple as I cry out, "I'm deleting them."

"W-why? Don't you like them?" I writhe from both pleasure and pain the harder he pinches me.

"They're not good enough for you. They don't love you like I do.."

"Soujiro..?"

"Just say it. Just say you want me to delete them. I won't do it unless you tell me to. But if you don't.." He slants over to slip in his wet tongue nearly down my throat, and I moan, coming back up to mumble against my lips, ".. Then our deal is over."

Silence.

Fuck. Shit. Dammit.

I can't let this investigation go to waste.

I close my eyes with a defeated sigh, "Fine."

Soujiro stays in his position for several seconds before he slowly sits up and fiddles with my phone to delete the girls' numbers, "Be gone.. thots."

After he finishes with that, he tosses my phone onto the area next to him on the bed before we resume making out, ready for a night of intense fucking.

The things I do for truth, huh?


	9. Sharks Ahead

_Author's_ _note:_ _GAH! I am so sorry again! But you all know the song by now. :( Still, I am so surprised by the number of reviews despite my dumbassery. So thank you. I wish we could have a Discord chat room or something, just so you guys can bug me to update faster. How about it? Actually, I thought that maybe you guys would have rememberd the footsie table scene from the first KenSou fic, "Eyes Of Truth". Remember? XD Soujiro has a thing with messing with other people with his feet in my little world. Not his fault that people can't understand when he's attracted to them.. so his foot does the talking! ;)_

 _Anyhoo, hope you guys have a lovely Labor Day weekend. I won't, because I'll have work, wahhh! Enjoy this chapter meanwhile!_

* * *

 _"They'll be some sharks, sharks, sharks ahead._  
 _They'll be some sharks, sharks, sharks, sharks ahead._  
 _And you will fall, fall, fall, fall apart._  
 _And I will fall, fall, fall, fall apart."_

 _\- Melpo Mene_

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"Good morning."

My eyes flutter open to a rosy glowing room, the curtains just slightly open to let in the soft golden rays. I grumble, my eyes feeling heavy. What time is it? It feels so early. And who said that just now? I turn my head to the side to see a pair of happily, sleepy blue eyes peering back at me. Soujiro. I frown and rub my own eyes to fix the blurry vision brought on by my premature wakening.

"What time is it?" I mumble.

Soujiro answers by climbing over my body despite my groaning protest, kissing the bridge of my nose, "It's time to live."

"Ugh. Seriously."

He giggles, warm air hitting near my nose.

"Six in the morning. I had a really nice dream about you."

I stare at him, waiting.

"I dreamt that we made love," He kisses near my eye lovingly, "Right here.. on this bed."

I scoff softly, "That was totally last night, dude. And that wasn't a dream. I fucked the hell out of you. Don't you remember?"

He is quiet for a moment, before sighing, "No. I really did have that dream. I know it because you told me something.. really interesting."

He pins his lower half of his body onto mine suddenly, making me grunt uncomfortably. I blink, frowning into his eyes quizzically.

"Interesting?"

"Mmm-hm." Soujiro nuzzles his face against mines, dragging his nails gently against my arm. I've never experienced this kind of tenderness before. And to be honest, it does makes me feel kind of awkward.

"What.. what did I say?" I implore as Soujiro rubs the other side of my face with his cheek.

He doesn't reply, leaning back slowly to smile dreamily at me. My eyes widen with confusion. Soujiro smiles with his eyes before leaning back in to kiss my lips chastely. There is a sweet melody outside by the early birds rousing from their slumbers to welcome a brand new day. I wonder what the ocean looks like at this time of day. He breaks the kiss after a long minute and still doesn't respond to my question; instead, he lies his entire body on top of me, sighing.

I don't get it.

Soujiro..

What did I say?

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"What do you wanna do today?"

"Let's just stay in."

"Are you sure about that?"

Soujiro helps me rinse the shampoo from my hair before replying, "I'm sure. I think I'm coming down with something, anyway."

"You're sick?" I turn around to face him and pour the shampoo in my hand to wash his hair next, "Are you getting a cold?"

"I think so. If I feel better later on, maybe we can go out to dinner somewhere."

"Cool. I'll pay."

He giggles, "That's okay, I can pay!"

"On top of everything else?" I look all around in the beautiful walk in shower, "I'm starting to feel useless."

"You? Useless? Never.." Soujiro closes his eyes with a satisfied hum as I rub his scalp with the shampoo, "You're priceless."

"You can stop being mushy. Shit." I chuckle uneasily, "You're starting to make me feel like I'm part of the Titanic movie."

"What?" Soujiro opens his eyes in surprise, "That was one of my mother's favorite movies."

I smirk, "Figures."

He hums, "I didn't think it was a bad film, to be honest."

I shrug and rinse his hair, "Too flowery for my tastes."

"What's your most favorite movie?"

"You mean romance?"

"Yeah!"

I pause to think.

"House of a thousand corpses."

"Ew."

I laugh, "Okay, okay! I'll be serious. My most favorite romantic movie would have to be.. Ringu."

He slaps my upper arm and I laugh even harder, "You ass!"

We got out of the shower together and dry ourselves with the really nice luxury towels. I wish I could steal one of these and take it home with me. Maybe I should. But I have a feeling that the help counts the items in the room. And of the numbers don't add up, they will most certainly point the finger at the poor boy with the red hair. Putting on our bathroom robes, we lounge in the suite peacefully; Soujiro having tea with the kitchen's kettle, and I watching the news on the big television screen in the living room.

I really, really wouldn't mind living like this. I sigh contently.

And then an intrusive thought rips inside my head: _This goes against everything you stand for._

I couldn't even fight back against my own conscience. They're right. I slump into the sofa in defeat. Fuck. What am I doing here? I do enjoy fucking Soujiro and I like all the perks he has to offer. But at the same time, if the world finds out about this, what would they think of me? How will I ever learn how to be strong and independent, when I'm laying around in expensive robes and letting Soujiro pamper me like his little pet?

It's practically emasculating.

"Want some wine?" Soujiro beams at me with two glasses of red wine in his hands.

"No thanks. It's not even the afternoon yet, anyway, what're you doing?"

This is not how I want to end up as an adult, anyway. As useless and drunk as my stepfather.

He comes to plop down next to me on the couch and places one glass in front of me and drinks from his own before replying, "It's Saturday, Kenshin. Lighten up."

"How can I lighten up when we haven't had sex with those hot chicks?" I switch the channel to a cartoon absentmindedly.

"Still going on about them whores, huh?" Soujiro chuckles, but there is a hint of bitterness there. I smile.

"Oh? Do I detect a bit of," I lean to the side to wrap my arm around his shoulders, "Jealousy, perhaps?"

He shrugs, "They weren't even that hot. It's gotta be their makeup that's blinding you."

"What are you, a makeup artist now?" I sneer jokingly, "Maybe _you_ should lighten up."

Soujiro sits there quietly. I let my eyes glaze over to the television set playing dumb cartoon shows that I haven't watched in close to ten years now. I can hardly remember my early life before being adopted by Hiko; I don't even recall how my father looked like, or what kind of perfume my mom would wear. Like the cartoons that I can't pay much attention to, my memories of them seem just as distant. Like background noise.

I wonder..

"What was your mother like, Soujiro?" My hand that was on his shoulder now travels up to his head to rub his scalp gently, and he rests it on my shoulder in return.

"Really one of a kind." Soujiro drifts off with his eyes closed, "She couldn't always bring me with her when she did business travels with my dad, so she would buy me all sorts of neat stuff from other countries. When other women would wear floral perfumes, she'd wear something distinct that always turned heads wherever she went. I can still remember how strangers used to look at her when she would walk by them. She was very beautiful. She could play the harp and entertained my father's guests during house parties. She had a really.. perfect smile even when she knew that my father.."

I waited. But he doesn't go on. I guess I hit a sore spot.

"Sorry."

"Don't be," Soujiro takes my hand into his now, "I'm happy that you're so curious about me. I'm flattered."

We look into each others' eyes, both caught by a silent surprise by the surge of electricity by that single moment.

We could have kissed right there and then. But I suddenly wanted this moment to be over already..

"We should do something now. I'm bored and I know you said you feel kind of sick, buuut―" I stretch my arms with a yawn, "Can't be good for you to stay stuck in here as well."

Soujiro giggles softly underneath his breath, "Sure. What are you in the mood for?"

I smirk secretly to myself.

"You gotta be kidding me." Soujiro states with a deadpan tone.

Both of us are now sitting in a swan shaped boat, paddling together as a team down a beautiful and serene river. I'm willing to bet that when Soujiro took me out here to Hiroshima, that I'll be the punk rock lover of his dreams, and show him all of the coolest (and maybe illegal) happenings wherever we go. Not so! Instead, I'll fuck this trip up a little by doing grandmotherly things just to piss him off.

And I think it's working!

"We could have gone to a local show or something!" Soujiro bickers like a disappointed child whose parents drove right past the toy store.

I snigger, "Whoopsie daisies!"

"God, you are so annoying." Soujiro sighs and continues peddling, "Say, where does this duck go?"

"You mean swan!"

Soujiro growls even louder, "Whatever!"

I laugh, "Just follow my lead and I'll take you someplace nice."

"Jesus Christ.." Soujiro pouts but then follows my lead.

We paddle further down south until the city life and the streets seem to merge into a more countryside scenery. I read from the search engine on my phone that this is a great spot for that sort of thing. I guess cities have its charm, but I'll always be a country boy at heart.

I bet when Soujiro took me out here to Hiroshima, he would only experience the busy life of the city. Not so. Instead, I'll show him what beauty hides in the heart of what Mother Nature has to offer. That not everything in life that has something of worth has to come with a price tag.

And I think it's working.

We stop peddling, and I wait.

...

"Kenshin.. this is.." Soujiro turns his head left and right and all around him. The sparkling October sun has seemed to light the forest on fire with all different, vibrant shades of the deepest scarlets, glowing embers, and right down to the milky lavenders. The river is the clearest I have ever seen in my life before. But despite the wonderful things all around me.. all my eyes can focus on is the boy sitting next to me as he absorbs the world all around him like a newborn baby.

"It's so beautiful." He finally breathes in awe, his smile the purest I have seen yet.

A wind passes us by, his scattering chestnut hair glinting by the generous sun.

Beautiful.

".. Like you." I bravely state, making him turn to me, obviously startled. I look at him as he fumbles with his words in a voice so timidly and faintly, I could hardly be able to recognize any of the vowels he is trying to formulate. He looks at his own hands gripping his jeans and ungripping them repeatedly, as if trying to think of the perfect thing to say right back. When really.. he doesn't even have to say anything at all. Soujiro, I think you've done everything to make me and my friends happy so far. Even if there is something that you are hiding.. Maybe you are a victim to all of this mystery. A mystery that I no doubt will solve on my own, but a mystery that I hope can help you somehow. I don't know if that makes sense, but.. I just know. Because there's no way any normal person would just come to school and start buying other people presents and gifts in order to befriend them. Not to mention, that person being rich beyond imagination going to a regular school filled with regular folks? There just has to be a real reason as to why.

Without waiting for his answer, I take his chin gently with my hand to turn him to me, and I kiss him. The entire world melts all around us, the trees that were glowing vermilion and titian now dissolving into a world of candy colored liquid. And I feel warm and safe. Floating. I wonder if Soujiro feels the same with my lips on his at this moment. As I pull away from his lips to look into his eyes, he abruptly, without warning, whispers, "I don't understand."

I smile against his lips, "I just like spending time with you. What's there to get?"

He pulls away from my face further to study me, "So you mean.. you actually like me? At long last?"

I inhale and exhale deeply, catching what he meant by that, "..I'm sorry. I should have been nicer to you on your first day at school. I guess.. I guess I'm not used to people like you."

He sits there for a while, and then he says: "What do you have against rich people like me?"

I look at my feet, just thinking. What do I have against people like Soujiro, exactly? All my friends don't have a lot of money, but they seemed keen on Soujiro much faster than I have for some strange reason. What do I have against rich people? Is it jealousy? Bitterness that they can buy their way out of most of life's troubles easily? If I had a lot of money, I could put Hiko into a great rehabilitation program so that he can stop drinking. I could go to any school I wanted, and I could help out my friends if they needed anything. I could do so many things if I had the money.

I turn to Soujiro to finally admit, "I'm envious of you guys."

He doesn't say anything except leaning in to kiss me on the cheek, resting his head on my shoulder, "I understand. I don't hold anything against you for that. I'd be angry in your shoes too at someone like me. I'm sorry if.. I'm sorry if it looked like I was flashing money around in peoples faces like that. I'm realizing how rude that comes across now."

Soujiro..

We sit in the swan boat, the skies above us taking on a rosier tone to signal the upcoming evening.

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 _"Hah!"_ Soujiro gasps as I rub his shoulders with my hands.

Ew, you thought it was something else, right?

"Will you _please_ just relax?" I growl in annoyance, "I can't believe rowing a damn boat could make you this sore!"

"It's not my fault you suggested that stuff on the first place!" He growls right back, wincing visibly as I add more pressure, "That hurts!"

I sigh, withdrawing my hands, "Okay. I'm going to head down to the drugstore to get some supplies. And snacks. You just rest in bed, okay?"

"Do you need any mo.." Soujiro stops himself from the look in my eyes, "I'm sorry."

I merely turn away from him and climb out of the bed to put on my brand new leather jacket and Levi jeans. Slipping my worn out wallet in my back jean pocket and my van shoes, I walk out of the suite to catch the elevator. I really don't feel like chewing his ass out over that money comment. Something tells me he doesn't even mean it, anyway.

At the drugstore just a few blocks away, I brought a few medical supplies: A bottle of ibuprofen, a warming massage oil, and something else that I think Soujiro would like. I also brought said snacks with me too.

I dump the materials on the bed once I came back from outside, "Take off your shirt."

"Huh? What's this?" Soujiro starts picking up said materials with curiosity, "Painkillers.. massaging oil, and.. _anal lube?"_

I throw my head back with a loud guffaw, "You're surprised?"

He sighs with a twitch of his eyebrow, "More like disturbed."

"Come on, let's get you all nice and relaxed." I pat on the area next to me so that he can crawl over and sit in front of me. I squeeze some of the massaging oil in my hand and rub it together to warm it up before I start pressing them on his shoulders and near the sides of his neck.

"Hmm," Soujiro moans softly, "You're really good at this, Kenshin."

"I'm always good with my hands." My lips spread into a knowing grin.

I continue at it with rubbing his upper arms and all the way down to his forearms. I even massage his hands and fingers, just to be extra nice. I guess it's not so bad to be friendly with Soujiro every once in a while. I mean.. something's gotta give if he's spending so much money on me, right? And I think I know what he desperate desires, deep down.

"Wow," Soujiro chuckles lightly, "You really are good at this, actually!"

"Lie down." I instruct him simply, and he does so. Lying on his stomach, I continue to rub and massage his shoulders and around his neck, slowing my way down to his upper back now. I can feel his muscles relaxing just by me touching him. Trailing my hands now on his tail bone, I hear him breathing deeper in relaxation, my arms breaking out in goosebumps.

"Kenshin.." I hear him mumble ever so softly.

Like every man, I too, have desperate desires. I reach from under his jeans to undo his belt and zipper, before slipping my hand down there. With my heart thumping and stomach dropping from a new height, I knew where I'm going with this. I've never touched another guy like this before. I only ever messed around with my hands with a girl who's eager to jump into bed with me. But I guess, there's a first time for everything.. right?

"Hum, Kenshin?" I hear Soujiro stumbling with his words when I can feel his bare torso, "What're you―"

"Just stop. I want to.." As soon as my hand brushes against the unfamiliar thin skin of his genitalia, my stomach drops even sharply.

Soujiro flinches with a sharp breathing in take, _"Ha!"_

 _"Hm!"_ I too take in a breath of surprise. Is this what other boys feel like? This alien feeling creeping into the depths of my stomach makes my heart race even faster than before. But I continue feeling him, my fingers delicately stroking the sides of his enlarging sex. It feels so weird. Familiar, but strange never the less. I gulp dryly.

 _"Hmm..!"_ Soujiro writhes under me and I simply pin my lower torso against his back to keep him still, making him moan suddenly, from either pleasure or protest.

"Don't move." I clearly instruct him, stroking him faster while my other hand reaches for the intimate lube, popping the cap open.

"What is this?" He chuckles nervously, "Kenshin.. Kenshin, I don't understand? You don't have to touch me like this.."

Pouring the clear gel into his opening, Soujiro flinches with a startled cry, and I smirk, "Sorry."

"That's cold!" Soujiro looks over his shoulder to snarl at me, "Don't be an asshole!"

My smirk doesn't leave my face and I push the head of my cock into the slit of his opening, making him shiver, "Poor little rich boy."

"W-wait!" He whines as I push the first inch inside of him, his back arching with a cry, "Ugh!"

"Why are you acting like such a virgin?" I laugh under my breath, "Come on, just relax—"

 _"STOP!"_

I flinch, a startled gasp escaping my lips. I stop moving and just stare at the back of his head, waiting. Slowly he turns his head around to face me, his eyes pink and wet with tears. My blood turns to ice and I bite my lower lip. Did I just went too far again?

"Soujiro, I.." I carefully pull myself out of from inside of him, my hands now trying to gently stroke the sides of his hips, "I'm so sorry—"

"Get off." He cuts in sharply with a low growl, and almost as if his words were fire, I snap my hands back, burned by them. He sits up and crawls out from the bed, heading into the bathroom without words. I sit there, staring dumbfound at the door, listening to the sounds of the shower heads being turned on.

What the hell is wrong with me?!

I have to apologize!

Before..!

My stomach twists at the mental possibility of losing him and I nearly bolt into the bathroom. I find him letting the water cascade over him and leaning against the shower wall forlornly. I walk up to the shower area and lightly tap the glass door to alert him, and he looks back at me, his eyes redder than before.

I'm so horrible. I'm so sorry!

"Let me in.." I choke out the words, "Please. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Soujiro.."

He stares at me for what feels like forever. Finally, he nods once carefully, and I come into his space, the water delightfully hot against my shivering skin. I have to feel him again. I am cautious with my movements so as to not scare or anger Soujiro any further, my eyes no doubt filled with sadness and worry. He meanwhile gapes at me with the most frightening yet deadpan expression I have ever seen.

I knew I had to ask.

"Soujiro, who hurt you?"

He gasps, his eyes wavering with more tears.

I ask him again, "Soujiro, who hurt you like this? I feel like there's more to your story about your teacher..!"

Soujiro moves swiftly to try to escape from the shower, but just as quickly I block him with my body to grab a hold of him, _"Stop it!"_

"Who hurt you like this?!"

 _"STOP IT!"_

 _ **"Who raped you, Soujiro?!"**_

A drop ripples across the ocean, and the rotating corpses drop collectively to the floor.

Soujiro finally collapses on the floor into a sobbing mess, hysterical and uncontrollable. I hold onto him meanwhile, burying my face into that sweet neck of his, the water drenching us together into one spirit. I knew it. I just knew that he was hiding something this big from me. Will he tell me who did it to him, though? Was it the teacher, or somebody else? Who could hurt someone as sweet and innocent like him?

I think I'm going to be sick.

"It wasn't your fault.." I spoke monotonously despite my queasiness, but my voice sure enough reached him because he cries harder.

 _"No, no, no..!"_ He groans and dry heaves from all the crying. I hug him tighter.

"It's not your fault."

"No.."

"It's not your fault.." My voice fades along with my escaping strength, though my grip is still strong.

The water continues to run peacefully, unaware of the dramatic unfolding.

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"Here you boys go!"

Our plates of pizza arrive on the table and the waiter walks away, whistling a happy tune. Sitting across from me is a pale, sickly looking Soujiro with redness tinting the skin from underneath his baby blues. He is staring sadly at his plate of food, completely quiet.

"I'm sorry it's not.. fancy, or whatever.." I take my slice to take a bite out of it, "It was pretty last minute and we were both starving from all that crying, y'know?"

Soujiro ignores me, closing his eyes pointedly and takes his own slice to dig in, clearly not interested in responding. Despite the seriousness of this situation, I couldn't help but smile secretly at how cute he looks when he's angry. It's absolutely charming. Still, I don't bother him. I let him eat in peace. We eat our pizza in silence, enjoying the cheesy goodness and slurping our sodas. The pizzeria is almost empty except for one other couple who are sitting huddled together to share one cup of drink. All the while staring into each other's eyes amorously. How fucking gross is that, honestly?

"Ugh.." I mumble to myself in disgust.

"What?" Soujiro frowns at me.

I shake my head, not wanting to disrupt his eating with that display of affection behind him. But he is relentless.

 _"What?"_ He asks me more pointedly this time, and I sigh, defeated. Casually pointing my finger at the side of his head, and Soujiro follows my finger with his eyes. He turns around to look at the couple. I watch him. After a few moments of observation, Soujiro turns back around with a grimace, and I had to laugh. He glares at me and I shrug with an uneasy chuckle.

"This isn't funny." He scoffs, taking a gulp of his drink.

My giggling quiets down, "It's not."

"Really. Not. Funny."

"I'm sorry."

"You should be."

"I am so, so sorry, Soujiro," I close my eyes, "I just care about you. A lot."

"I don't need you to care about me."

My eyes are still closed, "I'm sorry."

Silence.

"Let's just pay and leave." I hear Soujiro wrapping up with his utensils and napkins and getting off from the seating booth.

We walk together in silence to head back to the hotel, the night skies illuminated by city lights and the street lamps. Wearing my new leather jacket, I shove my hands into the pockets and watch ahead as Soujiro walks in front of me. I guess he's too angry to walk along side with me. I know I shouldn't let it get to me.. I know what I said in the shower was the truth.. I know all of that.

But.. it still hurts to be even just a little far away from him.

I hate how attached I've become to him.

"Whoa, wait up, my dude!" I chide him playfully, quickening my pace to walk next to him, "Any faster and you'll lose me to the swans!"

Soujiro looks at me in shock for a split second, but then turns his head away from me to hide his smile. Not quick enough to hide that even from me, you goof. I smirk, bravely wrapping an arm around his shoulders. He flinches and stops walking, "Wait.."

I blink, smiling, "Yes?"

He looks at my hand that is grasping his shoulder and then back at me, his eyebrow cocked.

I beam, "Lets just stop fighting, okay? I want us to be okay again."

He grunts, flickering his eyes to the ground. We start walking together now, ignoring the stares from strangers who walk past us. Soujiro seems to keep his eyes glued to the ground as I lead us walking back to the hotel. A few were brave enough to mumble something offensive under their breaths; others would just glare straight on at me or Soujiro. Despite the weirdness, I just hold onto Soujiro's shoulder tighter. Just to reassure him that I won't let anything bad happen to him.

...

"Kenshin.. did you saw all those people?"

We are now lying in bed together, the room pitch black and comfortably cool from the AC. We have to get up early tomorrow morning for the travel back home, and so we are here in bed right on the dot. Hearing Soujiro's weak voice, I turn to him to whisper, "Who?"

"All those people today. From the street. When we walked together and you had your arm around me.."

Silence.

"And?" I readjust my lying position.

"And.. does it.. doesn't it bother you, Kenshin?"

I shrug, though I doubt he is able to see that, "Not really. If it was people that we know, though.."

Soujiro makes a quiet sound before replying, "Yeah. I get it. I completely agree."

"Agree? Agree to what?"

He takes his time thinking about his answer, and finally responds softly, "That I don't want to date you or be in a relationship with you."

The pain in my chest came so hard and so fast that I nearly lost my breath. I stare ahead at the darkness in front of me. I couldn't see Soujiro no matter how hard I tried. But I can hear him. I can feel him. I can listen to his steady breathing and I can smell his scent. That cologne I used to hate so much before, and now..

I clutch on the mattress sheet painfully, my voice waivering, "Yeah. I agree."

Soujiro takes a deep breath and sighs, "Goodnight, Kenshin.."

Soujiro..

The next morning, we took the long bus ride back to Kyoto. It was a long, quiet ride back home. Soujiro and I would only share a few short words or phrases to get things going, but otherwise, I feel a wall between us that didn't used to be there before. At the bus station in Kyoto, I told Soujiro that I can hail a cab home from here so that he can head on home without me. He frowns.

"Are you.. I can drive you—"

"No time. I'm worried about Hiko." I smile, hiding my inner demons, "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

I don't let him answer before I turn around and walk out of the bus station, turning on my phone to call a taxi. Even now, I refuse to let Soujiro know or how I live with Hiko. Coming through my front door, the stench in the air makes me groan in disgust; Hiko has been drinking again. Did he drank all weekend long while I was gone? Finding him sprawl out on the couch in the living room, I simply watch him while leaning against the wall. His five o'clock shadow, the beer stains on his shirt, his matted hair.. I close my eyes painfully.

Why, Hiko?

No matter how hard I try, I can't pinpoint how or why he decided to drink. He had a great career, climbing the ladder to better positions seamlessly, and he adopted me as his own when my mother died. For so many years, he had everything. So why? Why did you started drinking? Was it because of me? Did single fatherhood drove you to drink? Am I the problem? Am I the problem to everyone's lives? Is that why my real father left my mother?

Am I the sickness?

Is that why Soujiro doesn't want me?

I slam my bedroom door shut as I scream into my hands, kicking my stuff and punching anything my eyes catches. I nearly broke my laptop but instead crash my potted plant against the wall. It's all too much. I can't possibly handle my own mess of a life forever, can I?

 _"Aurgh!_ " I kick the edge of my bed as a final blow to let off the last bit of my rage before I let my body fall on the mattress. I pant, my heart beating slower with each calming breath I take. To be honest, shouldn't I be glad that Soujiro said that last night? We can't be together.. not with all of our friends and family here with us. And there's no way that I'm like those disgusting men on the streets.

So then.. why does his rejection hurt so badly?

After my dramatic meltdown, the clock strikes noon. I can hear Hiko puttering around downstairs, hungover and confused no doubt. I decided to take a nap to sleep off the exhaustion. I hate waking up super fucking early. When it's almost three in the afternoon, I come downstairs to check up on him. He's nowhere to be found. Usually I would call him to chew his ass off, but today.. today I just want to forget about everything.

I take a bottle of vodka from underneath the kitchen sink. Time to explore the reasons as to why Hiko drinks..

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"Whoaaa, Kenshin. You alright?"

My eyes peel open painfully. My head feels like a monster's heartbeat and my skin is crawling with a feverish tremble. I feel so fucking nauseous. I have drank alcohol before, but never went as far as getting smashed for hours on end. I finished that large bottle of vodka as well as a few cheap beers that Hiko hides in his closet. And now it's school and I want to throw myself off a cliff.

I moan in pain, grumbling, "No!"

Sanosuke chuckles, sitting down at the desk in front of mines, "Yeah, no shit, Sherlock. What were you thinking? Who drinks the night before school?"

Me, apparently!

"Hey guys!" Yahiko comes into our conversation now, sitting down in a desk next to me, "What's going on?"

"Kenshin here is mad hungover."

"For real? Hey buddy, you okay?" I can feel Yahiko's pencil poking at my shoulder.

I growl, "Stop it!"

"Cut it out." Sanosuke says in a lower voice, and Yahiko retracts his pencil away from me, "Matbe you should go to the nurse and, like, go home."

"Right, like Hiko will let that one go." I rub my temples exasperately, "He's going to kill me."

"Oooh, maybe you should just go to the nurse and then say you'll call your dad to pick you up. Then pretend that you are and just leave." Yahiko cackles like a evil little bitch.

"Think that might work?" Sanosuke crosses his arms and thinks to himself with his eyes closed.

I gulp, feeling a wave of nausea washing over me, "I hope so."

"But where would you go?" Yahiko inquires.

"That's what I wanna know, too." Sanosuke opens his eyes, "You can't just walk around in the street in this state. I can't have anyone at my house right now, either."

"Yeah. Plus my folks wouldn't let me hang with you if they find your drunk ass in my bed." Yahiko follows.

I look at my desk somberly, "Maybe I can ask the girls.."

We all sit quietly for a moment until the girls arrive in the home room. Megumi is the first one to greet us, "Hola, amigos! How was your weekend?"

"I had fun." Sanosuke quips.

"I just chilled and baked. The usual." Yahiko chimes in.

"Smoking all that weed is going to turn you into a fucking tree, I swear." I can practically hear Misao's eyes rolling to the back of her head. Sanosuke chuckles.

"Oh, Kenshin, are you okay?" I open my eyes to follow the sweet, feminine voice that belongs to none other than Kaoru, who is standing over me with worry in her eyes. She is so pretty that I almost hate her for it.

"I'm.. I'm.." I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks. This is so embarrassing!

"He got drunk last night." Yahiko finishes for me dryly with a shrug. All the girls gasp unitedly.

"Kenshin, what the fuck?" Megumi frowns, "This isn't like you."

"After all your preaching about not turning to alcohol, this is a bit strange of you to do!" Misao chastise and I flinch painfully on the inside. I totally deserve this.

"I'm so worried about you, Kenshin. Why didn't you call us?" Kaoru sighs sadly with her shoulders noticeably deflating, and I sink further down in my seat.

"Hey, come on, you guys are being a bit much. Can any of you let him crash at your place so that he can sleep it off, at least? They'll expel his ass if they knew what he's done." Yahiko states as he rummages through his book bag.

"My folks are out, so no." Megumi leans on the desk behind her.

"My mom might help buuuut we don't have any food right now so that sucks for Kenshin if he gets hungry later." Misao says, "She's not getting paid until tomorrow and I only have enough money on me for today's lunch."

"The hell are you guys eating for dinner, then?" Sanosuke inquires.

"Aoshi is taking us out."

"Oh."

"I'll do it. You can go sleep in my room, Kenshin!" Kaoru happily jumps in, "We can watch movies together when I get back home!"

"What about your folks?" Megumi sniggers, knowing all too well of her overprotective parents.

Kaoru stops and thinks to herself, "Oh. My parents work until tonight, so.. I think we will be okay. I'll be home before them and I'll try to nurse him back to health."

"That is so cute of you to do!" Sanosuke says in a sing song voice, "So sweet!"

"Shut up, you're all giving me a headache!" I growl, to which everyone chuckle to themselves.

"Hey, where's Soujiro? He's usually the earliest out of all of us." Megumi pipes up, and I immediately dry heave into my hands, making her flinch, "Yikes! Don't puke on us!"

I burp and groan, "Don't talk about him. Please."

"You two fought again?" Yahiko asks, but before he could even get an answer, the homeroom bell rings and everyone has to take their seats for our teacher to arrive. The teacher does her usual morning announcements and school news before she does the attendance roll.

"Himura Kenshin?"

I simply raise my hand, my head still slumped on my desk. Thankfully, the teacher moves on with the other names.

"Seta Soujiro?"

Silence.

"Mr Seta Soujiro?"

I open one eye in time to watch as the students start looking around and whispering, knowing his perfect attendance record. Probably wondering where the star pupil could be. The teacher looks a tad disappointed with his absence and scribbles on her notepad before moving on. Meanwhile, I try with all my might not to violently projectile the disgusting bile that's rising inside my throat.

How am I going to survive this?


	10. Swim

_Author's note:_ _I'm so sorry you guys. :( I thought nobody liked this story anymore so I kinda gave up on it. But then I read Alumina's and Hell Hound's reviews and I had to laugh out loud as well as.. well, wanting to sob downright too, LOL! I just, I feel so ashamed of myself as an author and a writer and been feeling very insecure about my level of creativity these past few weeks, so.. I'm just happy that people still care about this story. It's such a hard story to write, but I will do my best to finish it!_

 _Enjoy and happy weekend! **Rated M+ for strong sexual content.**_

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 _"And I was only trying not  
_ _To laugh before I cry  
_ _You've got to live before you die  
_ _You've got to float  
_ _Before you learn to swim"_

 _\- Nick Kingswell_

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"You've got a bit of a fever. I guess you can head on home if you'd like." The nurse takes the glass thermometer out of my mouth, "I just wonder why you have such red eyes, though. Have you been crying?"

I shiver in the uncomfortable nursing bed, clinging to the blankets around me as I sweat, "A little."

"Hm," The nurse tilts her head and pouts her lip, "I can imagine. Do you want me to call your father?"

"I'll.. I can call him."

"Alright then!" The nurse walks away to tend to the other sick and injured students, which there seems to be at least three of them. Students who are legitimately sick for reasons outside of their control. Unlike me, who brought this onto myself. I groan painfully, gingerly taking my time with rummaging through my shit in my backpack. Retrieving my iPhone, I switch it on, almost convinced I'll see a message from Soujiro. But there's nothing to see there. My lips feel so dry for some reason. I wonder if one can get super sick from alcohol? I mean, I know there's alcohol poisoning, but I haven't drank up to that threshold last night despite all the beers. I see Hiko's name in my contact list, and I merely press my phone to my ear.

Time to play pretend.

"Hello? Dad? Yeah. It's me.. Kenshin." I say to no one in particular, my eyes square on the nurse as she is taking the temperature of another student, "I'm sick. I feel really really sick. Like nauseously ill. I have to go home. Yeah, the nurse is here. She says you can pick me up. Oh, you'll pick me up in ten minutes? Okay.. okay, dad. Thanks. Bye."

I put my phone back in my book bag quietly, still watching the nurse so she won't suspect a thing. I think I did well with that. All those acting classes from my childhood weren't a waste of time after all. I wait for those ten minutes, making sure to groan and cough a little here and there. The nurse checks up on me once and just places a small bag of cold jelly on my forehead to keep the fever down. It feels nice. She asks if I'd like to bring some crackers and a bottle of ginger ale for the nausea, but I turn it down, telling her I'm convinced I'll hurl even with them. She laughs, calling me a cute little squirt, and leaves the room to get something from the main office. Now's my chance. I get up carefully and start wobbling over to the door to get out of here. I walk through the hallways until I reach the front glass doors of the school's entrance, where I can taste freedom at long last.

I wonder what has changed in Kaoru's home since I last visited. It has been at least over a year now. The last thing I remember was that her parents were super nice but are always struggling with the bills. I wonder if Soujiro knows of their struggles. I wonder if he even gives a damn. I mean.. all he cares about is being a whore and getting everything he wants without failure, so why should he care over Kaoru? Or even the rest of my friends?

Hell.. he probably doesn't really give a damn about me, either!

I took a lanta bus from the bus stop that's nearest to the school. After about five stops, I've finally reached Kaoru's neighborhood. It's a bit better looking than my and Sano's neighborhood.. even a step up over Yahiko's. Most definitely better than my shitty home. Kaoru lives in a modest town house thanks to both of her parents working full time. Out of all of us, before Soujiro moved to Kyoto, Kaoru had the most money. But she's so nice about it; she never talks about her financial woes, the bills her parents have to face, or that she fears that she won't go to university after all.

Of course, Kaoru does not make enough money to impress the other kids at our school, so we took her in. It's not about the money or her social class; Kaoru is just so innocent and honest, pure and without any ill intentions. So we feel this need to protect her, in a way. Plus, she doesn't judge us or make us feel like we are lacking in anything she might have. Kaoru is our little light in our group, I guess you could say. The light that keeps us going.

Kaoru also held me as I cried to her about Hiko's drinking, when we were only thirteen years old.

I think I fell for her after that. Maybe not. I can't remember.

There aren't any cars parked in her driveway, so I'm assuming that her parents aren't home yet. Just like she predicted. Perfect. According to Kaoru's text message on the bus ride here, I can sneak through from the kitchen window behind the house. I walk around the house, ignoring the yapping of a small dog from next door over. Once I reach behind the house, I squint my eyes to get a better look at all three small windows. One shows the living room, the other shows a dark room that I can assume is the laundry room..

Ah, perfect. I found the kitchen. Sliding the window up carefully, I lift my leg up and through it first before I maneuver myself to get inside the house. The air smells crisp with house cleaning liquids. Looks like her mother has already done the fall cleaning for the season. When was the last time Hiko did that or a spring cleaning? I shudder, immediately disgusted.

I may be poor, but I don't like dirty things.

Looking around, Kaoru's home is painfully mundane and middle class. I mean, she's not even up there yet, but at least she's not starving or freezing to death this year. Unlike me, my lips almost parted to say, but I close them again. No. She doesn't deserve that. I can't be envious of her of all people. Soujiro, maybe, but that's because he has way more than a person can do with in a lifetime.

I climb up the staircase to go up to the second floor, where all the bedrooms are at. I open one door carefully, convinced that I am really not alone here. What if somebody jumps out and stabs me? What if her big grizzly bear father is here? He'll fucking beat me if he finds me messing with his dearest daughter's belongings. Like I'm some kind of pathetic stalker or something. Kinda like Soujiro.

"Asshole." I mutter to myself, pertaining to the blue eyed nympho.

Why isn't he texting or calling me?

Oh well. Whatever. I shouldn't care, right?

I open another door and it smells faintly of a girly perfume. The walls are plastered with Korean boy bands and singers, Polaroids of Misao and Megumi making funny faces, and calendars filled with exam dates and college applications. Yup. This is Kaoru's room, alright. I close the door behind me softly, my face lighting up with a shy smile. This is so cool. To just explore your crush's room like this, uninterrupted..

It's so perfect!

I plop on her bed with a happy sigh, looking all around at all of her cute designs and writings on the walls. I see little messages from our friends there, and even inspirational posters that might've been from the girls or her mom.

 _"Don't give up!"_

 _"Nobody can make you feel inferior with your consent."_

 _"One small step to a brighter future!"._

On her night table, where she has her lava lamp that can turn on as a regular lamp and a digital clock, is a small notebook. She wouldn't just leave her planner at home like that, would she? Unlike most teenagers who rely on apps and iPhone alarm clocks, Kaoru stays old school with her real planners and an actual clock to keep things organized. So why then, do I find this thing?

Maybe it's not her planner. Maybe it's her..

I gulp.

Maybe it's her diary?

I trail my fingers on the front texture of the notebook, a cute bubblegum pink with gold accented scribbles that reads "Sweet Dreams". Maybe it's one of those weird dream diaries so that one can master lucid dreaming. I know I've been having a lot of those lately, and something like this could help. I'll have to purchase one later when I have the chance. I take the notebook from the nightstand, my heart slowly climbing down to my stomach. This doesn't feel right.. who goes through private diaries of their own friends?!

This asshole will.

I turn to the first page. September 23rd, 2017.

 **Who am I? Sometimes I don't understand myself or what I'm going through. I'm starting my high school year for the first time ever without knowing if my parents are going to stay together this time. All they ever do is fight. Money is tight. I don't even have a college fund or savings. I guess my dream of becoming a Japanese tutor isn't going to come true.**

Oh man.

September 30th, 2017.

 **I'm so stupid! Of course Kenshin still likes his ex-girlfriend! I bet that's all he thinks about when he's around me. He's always so deep in thought and hardly pays attention to me. But that could be my fault, diary. I'm not the kind of person to just say everything that comes to her mind. I just hold it all in, instead. Why would he even want me, anyway? I'm so boring compared to his other girlfriends.. I've never even had sex before.**

I blush, grunting.

 **And.. I hate to admit this, but I really would not mind it if he takes my virginity. I was going to not do that at least until I meet someone for a very serious relationship, like in college or even afterwards. But when I'm with him, I just feel so happy. He's so temperamental and stubborn, but I KNOW he has a soft spot inside of him. It breaks my heart every time he talks about his step father. I'm glad my parents don't drink and I would never be drunk myself. I haven't tried some yet, but Megumi pressures me to try it sometime. I won't do it! I want to make Kenshin happy.**

I let go of my breath, my face blushing all the way down to the ends of my hair. I can't fucking believe this. Kaoru wanted to have sex with me since last year?! I had no idea! Why are women so secretive about this stuff?! I wasn't even aware that I seemed so pensive after my break up with Tomoe. Had I knew of this before, I would have gladly become her boyfriend and make love to her. I would've done anything for Kaoru. Anything! Oh man. Oh my fucking god. This is just rich. I won't lie, but this makes me super giddy inside. But then again, this diary post was nearly a year ago, right? It's 2018 now and we're all grown ups now. Well.. maybe not really grown ups, but you get the idea. I wonder what happened..

Oh shit..

Did Kaoru lose her virginity to someone else, then?!

I hold my breath again as I turn to the next page. October 15th, 2017.

 **I want to tell Kenshin that I like him a lot, but I can't. I know he wouldn't like a girl like me.**

Yes, Kaoru! Yes of course I would like a girl like you! I like you, Kaoru! I like you!

 **I'm so homely compared to the girls he's seen and dated. And most certainly bedded. I don't stack up and couldn't a hold a candle to Tomoe. I think I should just.. I should just be happy for our friendship! Why mess things up with this childish crush I have over him? What's the point? What's the point of ruining our friendship with my romantic feelings? Just so things won't be the same between us? I won't have that happen. I'm just going to suck it in and just be thankful for our friendship instead.**

"Argh!" I growled and dunk my face into the folds of her diary, almost convinced it'll reach her in spirit over how disappointed I am over her passivity, "Kaoru, you.. you're so wrong!"

After I calmed myself some, I turn to the other pages. They were just filled with notes about her college ideas and where to study, what to study, why she should study. What we all did in our friends groups. Her parents fighting but then substantially subsided when her mother got promoted at her job. Kaoru's short term part time job at the spa place. The time we all snuck to the beach in the summer of 2018 before our senior year began. I remember that. That was a lot of fun. Life sure felt fun and easier when Soujiro wasn't around to fuck shit up. As the date inched nearer to the date of Soujiro's arrival at our school for the first time, my stomach begins to form a knot.

October 12th, 2018

 **A new student arrived in our school today. His name is Soujiro Seta. He's actually pretty cute! I made a little chibi drawing of him at the bottom of this page for your viewing pleasure. He has the bluest eyes I've ever seen! He's really just handsome and I can see why the other girls at our school have already taken notice. He came to our lunch table today and offered to buy us all presents, which shocked all of us. He even offered to pay for the cute shoes that Megumi and I gushed over, and.. it was just so amazing. Kenshin really doesn't like him, though. He thinks Soujiro has something to hide. Although I'll admit that it is weird that a rich kid is suddenly going to this particular school and not to a prep school? I don't understand that either.**

Yes, Kaoru, yes! You _do_ understand!

 **.. But. I saw how happy my friends are becoming because of Soujiro. I don't know if it's the presents or what. But he seems kind of genuine, if not a little awkward. He has this spirit of a little child or something. Like he wants us to protect him and guide him, and.. I think I don't mind protecting him, you know?**

I deflate. Oh, Kaoru..

 **I am actually very happy when Soujiro told me later on today that he wanted to help Kenshin with his grades. Kenshin has this reputation of being a rebel, but diary, I WANT him to succeed in life! I don't care what he wants to do or study.. I just want him to be able to be financially independent and just move on from Hiko. Hiko isn't a bad person, but he is a sick person, and Kenshin shouldn't stop his own life to take care of him. Kenshin has to move on someday, and a nice job is going to help with that. He needs an education, and good grades, and it'll open so many doors for him. So I'm really relieved that we have a Soujiro Seta in our lives. I really want Soujiro to help Kenshin reach his highest potential. Kenshin is really intelligent when you get him to talk about philosophy and art and all these other things that I don't pay much mind to. I'm more into mathematics, truth be told. But.. I just hope this year, will be Kenshin's year. He deserves it.**

I grunt again, moved by this passage. I.. I didn't know that she had such strong opinions about Soujiro and I. Do the others also feel the same way? Well, of course they would! They're my friends and they have been my friends for so many years now! I would hope they wanted me to be happy and successful. Even if it means leaving Hiko behind me. Would my mom wanted that too? What about my real dad? Even if he was a fucking asshole, when he left my mother and I, did he hoped I would make it out of this hell alive? Suddenly, the memory of Kaoru bursting into a passionate rant enters my mind from Sano's house―

 _"Kenshin, stop this! This has to stop! You can't keep closing yourself off from anyone that comes into your life just because Hiko failed at being your father!"_

I sit there in silence, the pieces coming together at last. Now I understand. Now I understand this desperation my friends have with keeping Soujiro in our group circle. Because.. because they think Soujiro could actually turn my life around. Because with Soujiro's help, I can be free from all that is weighing on my shoulders. With Soujiro's help, I can actually become somebody. That's why Kaoru wanted us to get along. That's why Sano kept playing things down whenever I complained about Soujiro. That's why even Yahiko could only chuckle or keep silent about my jabs towards Soujiro. Because they all hoped that Soujiro could save me from this hell I'm in.

I close the diary and place it back on her night stand. I can't read this anymore. It wouldn't be fair to her. I check the time on my phone. It's noon now. By this time, my friends are heading off to lunch in the school cafeteria. I wonder if Soujiro magically arrived there, and was waiting for them to arrive so that he could treat them all to lunch somewhere else? I chew on the inside of my cheek at that thought. Bastard. He would, wouldn't he? I check my text message logs, my Facebook messenger, my email, and so on. And not a single message from that twat anywhere. I huff annoyingly. Fine! Be that way! I can't believe you would want to ignore me just because I wanted to go home alone after our trip! Fucking bitch. Asshole!

I toss my phone onto the end corner of Kaoru's bed and decide to just take a nap. I'm so exhausted and hungover, anyway. I turn out the lights and just close my eyes to rest. Kaoru reassured me earlier that her parents will be home late due to their work load, so I have nothing to worry about. I drift in and out of sleep cycles, not really dreaming of anything except blobs of pale and brown and blue. Whenever my eyes would flutter open, I would see the dark open space in front of me. And then sometimes, I would see a vision of a young man with blue eyes and brown hair, his eyes full of lust and redness spreading over his cheeks and chest. Breathing in and out in shallow pants. Then I would close my eyes and dream of something else.

Something else like―

 _"_ ― _Hah! Yes!" Soujiro breathes into my ear as I plummet myself into him, his arms wrapped around my neck while I haul his bottom with my hands, spreading him and drilling my cock into his hole harder and harder, "Yes, Kenshin!"_

 _"You like that, don't ya?" I whisper hoarsely with a smirk, plunging into him deeper, "Huh?"_

 _"Y-yes, Kenshin!" I can see Soujiro's eyes rolling in the back of his tilting head, "Just keep.. fucking me!"_

 _His tightness is so surreal. I can feel my cock getting suctioned into his hole with each thrust of my hips. I spread his ass cheeks wider to really get myself in there nice and deep, making Soujiro moan even louder than before. I wish I could just merge into his skin and stay inside of him forever. His deep breathing and sighs and moans sparks pleasure inside my veins, making me groan in return. How is this little slut so fucking tight after fucking around? Perspiration cover my entire face and body as I continuously fuck the slender boy under me, the contracting heat around my cock now washing over my lower torso._

 _"This," I thrust harder with each word uttered from my gritted teeth, "Is. For. Ignoring. Me. You. Son. Of. A. Bitch!"_

 _"Argh, ugh, hah, oh, fuck, mmm, ohh, yeah, fuck, yeah!" Soujiro cries out after each of my phrases, his eyes desperate as he looks at our lower bodies and blushing deeply. He looks so beautiful like this, it's almost painful to watch him._

 _And then suddenly, without warning, the dream switches to another scene of me jerking off in front of a kneel down Soujiro, his mouth open and tongue hanging out in eagerness. His half lidded blue eyes, his clear porcelain skin, and reddened lips from all of our violent kissing. His long eyelashes and that cute little nose. His perfect straight white teeth. How he sounds when he licks the top of my dick. Fuck. Fuck! I see myself cumming all over his pristine face, my cum dripping over his eyes and down his chin, seeping into his little mouth. I see his tongue licking his top and then bottom lip, humming in satisfaction. Then he opens his eyes and smirks._

 _"Wow, you came a lot!"_

 _I smile hazily, and Soujiro smiles back with a hum. Silence passes us. He turns his head to the side, and I watch as his expression fades to a very concerned frown. He suddenly whips his head around to look at me, "Quick, hide!"_

I sit upright in a jolt, breaking out into a cold sweat. I think I heard something! My eyes sweep over to Kaoru's bedroom door frantically as I hear someone rushing up the stair case. Oh shit, oh fuck, oh fuck! I bounce out of that bed as if it was made of fire and look all around me in panic to see where I can hide. Where, where, where?! The sound of someone else rushing down the hall way is coming closer by the hot second. In a moment of confusion, I just rush into another door and close it right in time as Kaoru's door slams open. Who is that?! I am crouching on the floor and hugging my knees to my chest, holding my breath. I feel hot all around me from the cramped space. Not to mention the adrenaline rush. Is it an intruder? Is it one of our friends checking up on me? I haven't used my phone for the past few hours, so maybe they thought something bad happened to me. Is it Kaoru? Is school already over for the day?

Who is it?

I hear the person on the other side of the door calling out, "Hello? Is anybody in here? Come out! I'll call the police!"

I clutch my eyes shut tighter. Oh fuck, I'm so screwed. I can't afford to get arrested again!

Silence. I hear hesitation in the person's footsteps as they walk around Kaoru's room. Some pillows are lifted and thrown. Drawers open and shut. I blink, frowning. The floor creaks and then it stops. More silence. A sigh is heard. Dial tones of a phone number being pushed. More silence. All I can hear is my heartbeat until I hear the person speak, "Haruta. It's Koshijiro. Our neighbor called my phone because he said he saw somebody climbing through our kitchen window. Should I call the police?"

My breath hitches and I cover my mouth to quiet myself down. Fuck.

Silence.

".. I see. I know. I know, honey. I know the money is tight. I'm very proud of you for bringing most of the money in, though. I think I'll see what I can do about the neighbor. Maybe he was seeing things. You know he is a schizophrenic.. ha ha, alright. I love you too, honey. Did you texted Kaoru-chan? I am worried about her since I won't be here when she gets home from school. Maybe! Honey, wait, listen.. maybe you can text her and tell her she can go sleep over at her friends house. I know you don't like them, but.."

I frown. Her mother doesn't like us?

".. Alright. I understand. Yes, I'll call her as soon as she gets home. I will head back to work. Don't wait up for me tonight, you know how the boss is. Alright, take care."

Silence. I think this is the part where he looks around the room one last time, shakes his head at the nonsense of it all, and walks out of her room. I hear the bedroom door close and her father's foot steps walking down the hallway and finally down the stairwell. I finally let go of my breath, shaking. That was so close. Too fucking close. I almost wanna be angry at the shit neighbor who snitched on me. Fuck them. I wait at least a good few minutes after Koshijiro closes the front door of the house until I feel safe enough to leave Kaoru's closet. I stretch my achy muscles and sigh, relieved to be out of that situation. Can I say it again; that was too close!

"What time is it?" I whisper to myself, walking towards the bed and rummaging through the blankets to find my phone. I sure hope Koshijiro didn't spot that when he was busily looking for the intruder. Finding my phone, I switch it on to find a text message. My stomach drops; is it Soujiro? But then I see the name and I feel slightly let down. It's Kaoru:

 _I'll be home in ten minutes! Please hide if you sense anyone coming in before that! I'll make us a nice snack. :-) See you!_

Even their smileys are different.

Oh, what am I even talking about?! I should forget about Soujiro. I'm hanging out with Kaoru Kamiya! The sweetest and cutest girl in the entire school. I should feel lucky. Fuck it, I _am_ lucky to be here today! I shouldn't worry about what happened in the past. I should be happy for what I have right now. And right now, I have a cute girl coming over to take care of me and my hangover. So that does it. I'm going to forget about that bitch Soujiro and enjoy my time here today. At least he wasn't the only one who got to skip school today. I wait and soon ten minutes come to pass, and the front door opens.

"Kenshin? Are you there?" I hear Kaoru's voice calling out from downstairs.

"I'm here, in your room!" I called back. She rushes up to the room and beams at me as soon as she opens the bedroom door, "Yo."

"Kenshin!" She nearly skips over across her room to swoop me into her arms, "I was so worried! I thought my dad would find you here!"

I blush, "Um.. uh.. it's okay. I'm fine. He didn't find me."

She giggles as she lets go of me, "I know. He was texting me like crazy but I told him that the neighbor was probably just seeing things again."

I smile, "So.."

She smiles back, "Sooooo.."

I laugh, "What is there to eat?"

"Oh! Yes! I'll make us a nice little soup, it'll help with your hangover."

"I think my small nap here helped a lot. Your pillow smells really nice."

Good job, Kenshin. Now you'll never take her virginity.

She stares at me dumbfound for a second before breaking out into girly giggles, "You're so funny! I'm gonna go downstairs now. Do you need anything right now? Like ibuprofen and some water?"

"I think so."

"Sure!"

After about fifteen or twenty minutes, we find ourselves sitting huddled together in the blankets and eating our bowls of soup thanks to Kaoru's bed tray. I don't know if she's had this since forever, or if.. no. I'm not going to think about him. The pain killers, water, and soup have alleviated my nausea significantly and I feel a lot better now that Kaoru is here. We are watching a movie on her little television set, the only luxury she has in her life. Kaoru deserves so much more than what life has to offer her, to be honest. I'm actually glad that her parents won't separate or divorce over financial difficulties. Still, what her dad said on the phone today was.. a little interesting. Maybe I should ask?

"Kaoru.. you can be honest with me, right?" I mumble to my lap, hearing her turn to me in curiosity.

"Eh? Sure, what is it, Kenshin?"

I hesitate before looking into her eyes, "Is it.. is true that your mother doesn't like us?"

She gapes at me in silence for a few moments, and then her eyes turn sadder, "I.. I don't know. But she never likes it whenever I bring you guys up or when I want to sleepover at Megumi's."

I cringe, "Oh. I see. You don't.. you don't have to hang out with us if it brings you down like this."

"Kenshin, don't say that!" Kaoru gasps and takes my hands to make me look at her properly, "I love you guys so much and I would never abandon you! You guys make me feel like I can be more like myself than I can be here in this family. Believe me, I am more confident and self assured when you guys push my boundaries and break out of my comfort zone. But not only that.. You guys really do believe in me no matter what kinds of dreams I have. I don't feel silly when I tell you guys about my secrets, and you make me feel like I can fit in anywhere in this world. I care about you guys a lot.."

I stare at her, not knowing what to say. But my heart feels so warm hearing all of this. Kaoru.. How are you still so pure after getting to know us and our woes? How can you get up each morning and face the world with bright eyes and with a childlike trust in everything you see? When you know of my stepfather's drinking and unemployment? When you know Sano's father beats him senselessly? When you know Yahiko would probably graduate to harder drugs down the road to escape his older brother's suicide ten years ago? When Megumi was raped as a child by someone she knew? When Misao used to hurt herself by banging her wrists against the edge of a table until they turned black and blue?

"Kaoru.." And there it is, a single tear rolling down my cheek. Kaoru sees this and leans in to kiss that tear streaked cheek, and I hesitated, "Kaoru, I.."

She looks at me expectantly.

I look back at her.

...

I like you, Kaoru. I like you a lot.

Please go out with me.

Suddenly, her phone starts buzzing and she hums confusingly, taking it out of her plaid jacket to see who it is, "Oh hey, it's Soujiro!"

That did it. I turn to my other side to hurl onto the floor next to the bed, making Kaoru shriek.

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"Are you feeling better?"

I grunt, not daring myself to move one muscle, "I think so."

I'm lying in her bed again with a warm wet towel over my forehead and more blankets covering my body than before. Kaoru is kneeling next to me to check my temperature with a glass thermometer after she made me extra tea for the nausea. This is so humiliating. I was apologizing profusely for soiling her floor with my vomit and tried to clean it up, but Kaoru wouldn't have it. She was worried that I'll be more sick if I expose myself to my own filth and told me to take a shower in the bathroom down the hallway. I complied and she was making my tea and gathering more medicine from the kitchen meanwhile. Kaoru then did a quick laundry with my clothes so that she can then use the drying machine before we could even worry about dinner. I guess that's another luxury she gets to enjoy. Hiko and I have to go to the local cheap laundromat for our washings.

I wonder what the text message on her phone says.

"What, um.." I feel myself flushing a little, "What did.. Soujiro said when he texted you?"

"Hm? Oh. Nothing, just that he wondered if he missed any homework today. But I told him that I'll give him my notes the next time I see him."

My heart anchors down to my stomach, ".. Oh. I see."

"Are you okay? Did you guys had another fight?"

I shake my head slowly, "No. I just thought he was mad at me for some reason."

Don't give her too much information, Kenshin. Remember why you are doing this for.

"Did you say something mean to him?"

"No. It's not like that. I promise." I smile weakly at Kaoru, "Really. I just wondered why he was absent from school today."

"He said that he felt really sick. Kinda like you are right now, actually. Told me he got his father's drinks and got a little carried away. I got all mother hen mode and chastised him for doing that." Kaoru huffs, "Honestly, the nerve! I told him that he shouldn't ever reach for alcohol when times get tough because it becomes a terrible habit. And this goes the same for you as well, Kenshin. I'm sorry."

My smile grows even weaker, "Thank you."

"H-huh?" She blushes, caught off guard by that, "For what?"

"For caring about us so much. For being you. You're amazing, Kaoru. You're right. Alcohol is not the answer."

She blushes even deeper but smiles reassuringly, "Of course."

For the rest of that day, Kaoru just took care of me. Not because she wanted or needed anything in return. It's because she's just Kaoru Kamiya. And that's something I'll always cherish about her. If keeping her and my friends in my life means I have to let my suspicions over Soujiro go.. then maybe I really don't have much say in the matter. Right? I guess I really should let it go and learn to trust that little monster. No matter how weird and mixed up I feel whenever I look at him or hear him talk, I have to just let it be. Because after reading Kaoru's diary post about seeing my potential rising thanks to Soujiro.. I have no other choice but to bite the bullet and let Soujiro lead the way. I guess.. What I'm saying, is that I'm ending this investigation.

It's for the best.

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I made it home safely last night from Kaoru's place thanks to the taxi. Her parents never knew about me staying over there and Hiko was passed out again, so I'm lucky that he wasn't awake and wanted to know of my whereabouts. And even if he does ask me later on, I can always slap him back with his drinking. He never wins whenever I pull that card on him. That night's sleep felt really comfortable. I slept like a baby. The morning after, I feel brand new and ready to face the school again with a clearer head. Homeroom was boring as per usual, and of course, Soujiro is absent again. I texted Kaoru to see if she can reach his phone, and she says she will. Because being hungover doesn't last more than a single day, so this is a bit strange on Soujiro's part.

I'm not suspicious or distrustful.

I just..

I walk into the school bathroom during fourth period to use the urinal stalls and then the sink. After washing my hands, I splash the cold water to my face. I groan into my hands. Where is Soujiro? Why do I care about this so much? Why the fuck do I care about him too? This doesn't make any sense. When he told me that he didn't want a relationship with me, much less go on a date with me, things just felt super tense between us straight afterward. Did I wanted more from him? Of course I don't! This arrangement should have kept me happily satisfied, so what the fuck is my problem? What guy isn't happy with free no strings attached sex? I peered into my own eyes in the mirror, my face paler than usual. Even my hair looks a little rattier again.

I don't understand. What's wrong with me?

I dry my face with a piece of hand paper and walk out into the hallway. All I can think about are Kaoru's diary passages. Should I have kept continuing in reading her diary when I had the chance? Maybe there could be more clues.. or, well, maybe signs about Soujiro being the person that I might not have thought of before. Or to see a side or an angle of him that I haven't noticed yet, but that Kaoru and the others have. So far, her entry about him helping me with my homework and grades really opened up a passage to the knowledge that maybe some people really aren't as bad as they seem. Maybe I was too hard on Soujiro. Maybe there really isn't anything going on, after all. Maybe he's just weird and that's it. Maybe he's escaping or hiding from something, but that doesn't make him an evil person by default. We all have something that we hide from, right? So why am I taking the piss out of him and not anyone else?

I tinker with these thoughts as I walk through the hallway to head back to my class, when suddenly I feel something grabbing my arm and violently pulling me into a room. I cry out in shock as I feel my back hitting the floor and the door shutting, the sound of the lock clicking closed making my eyes snap in horror. Who is that?! I could hardly see in the dark classroom that is unused for this period. I feel someone crawling towards me and I start to kick at it instantly by reflex, too shocked to even make another sound or yell for help. Is it Shishio? Or one of his crazy friends? Am I about to get stabbed?! My back slides against the floor as I try to move away from the perpetrator, but the other person refuses to give up. They start to sit on my lap and grab at my wrists when I try to punch at them, and then, I hear it:

"Stop struggling."

A voice so deadly calm and emotionless, but rich in various accents. A voice that I know belongs to none other than the blue eyed brunet who enjoyed his entire life as the cream of the crop. A voice that will surely be the death of me. My eyes snap open, and sure enough, concentrating just hard enough, I can make out the young man's fair features now. I wonder if he wants to pick a fight with me. I wonder if he's really pissed off at me for going home without him on Sunday. I think he's ready to chew my ass out. And to be honest.. after everything that's happened.. I'm ready to let him have it. My muscles in my arms and hands soften. I stop struggling. He feels this and grunts in a quietly confusing tone. It must be a first for us to see me back down so soon like this. I stare at him jadedly and he frowns, still full of questions.

"Kenshin..?" His voice suddenly flickers with emotional tones again.

I sigh, "If you're mad at me, just yell at me already. Get it over with and do what you want."

He blinks, ".. Um?"

I frown at him, "What? What're you so confused about?"

He blinks a few times, "I'm just.. Well.. You usually put up a fight, and now.."

I evade his eyes now, "Yeah, well.. that was then, and this is now. So, do whatever the hell you want from here on out, Soujiro. Take my friends, take my reputation, take my body, take all of it. Just do it. I can't stop you anyway. I won't ever find out why this is even happening, anyway. What's the point. Just do what you want to do and I'll just take it."

It's better than losing you completely.

My eyes snap open and a startled gasp escape me, rousing Soujiro to lean down towards me to cup my face into his hands, "Kenshin?!"

I can't do it. I won't do it. Don't look at him. Don't look at Soujiro. Don't look into his perfect.. his beautiful, perfect eyes. Don't look at that smile. That face. Just don't.. just don't.. my eyes move on their own without my mind making the proper connection, and suddenly I feel a prick of hot tears in my eyes. My heart is beating like crazy now. Soujiro's eyes widen, as if realizing something. We stare into each others' eyes for what felt like an entire eternity. From here, I can really see the ocean blue as the way it should be seen. Deep and vast and open, without any secrets. My lips parted slightly, trying to think of something to say, but nothing comes out. Even Soujiro looks like he wants to say something, too, but can't.

At least, not at first..

"Kensh―"

 _"_ ― _Kiss me."_

Soujiro flinches at what he just heard, but I don't waste any time; I grab his forearms to pull him down on top of me and I kiss his lips, those sweet soft lips I have been away from already for nearly two entire days. My tongue pry his lips open and it slithers right in, making Soujiro flinch again and grunt confusingly at this hot minute of frenzy. I take one hand and grab a fist of his hair to keep him firmly in place while my other hand travels down to grab his ass. He trembles with a muffled cry into my mouth, and I just continue to french kiss him all the while. Soon, he couldn't fight back anymore and just melts into the kids, his own hips buckling into mine every time my tongue reigns over his. Fuck, this feels so good. It just feels so right. I growl and wrestle with him until I am able to climb on top of him this time, sucking on his lower lip feverishly while he mewls at the intensity. I can feel him hardening beneath me, rubbing against my own hardness.

I've never fucked anyone in a school before. Guess this will be my first time.

I start kissing his adam's apple and the side of his neck, gnawing on it like a beast feasting on a kindly given bone. Soujiro whines and tightens his hold on my forearms, but it only makes me suck on the skin harder. He groans and humps against me desperately. I start to unbutton his white shirt, something so simple and clean in a sea full of poor and hardened students.. and all the while, hiding the boy's darker and sinister impressions from his very own heart. It's enough to make me want to rip the shirt wide open to show me all of his real motivations. But enough of that. I made a promise to Kaoru and to the rest of the group; I promise to not break the bond between all of us, even if it means ignoring my principles. When all the buttons are undone, I lean back a little to trail my tongue from his adam's apple, down his chest, down his stomach, over his belly button, down his lower torso..

"Ohh, Kenshin, w-wait.." Soujiro's voice fades out with his own uncertainty.

I ignore him and start to undo his belt and zip his jean zipper down. I can feel myself salivating over having Soujiro in _that way_ again. Even though realistically, it hasn't been long since we fucked, it always feels too long when we are apart. Especially when we haven't talked or wrote to each other. This is going to make Soujiro feel so good. I'll make sure of that. I grab the hem of his jeans and his boxers together to pull them down together to reveal his enlarged member. Immediately, Soujiro flinches and starts to visibly shake over my evil grin at this new level of the playing field.

"W-wait!" Soujiro shoots an arm out and I grab it out of sheer reflex, "Kenshin.."

I shake my head, "Don't. You want this. I know you do."

Soujiro grunts, "..?"

I open my eyes to look down at him in a dark tone, "All you do is please other people. Pleasuring other people and using your mouth and your hole to make them cum. But what about you, Soujiro? Who's been taking care of you? Who's been touching you and making you cum? I think it's your time to feel good."

His lower lip tremble, eyes glossy with tears, ".. Kenshin.. Will you.. Can you do something for me?"

I stroke the head of his twitching cock, making him cry out in pleasure, "Anything."

He bites his lower lip in a vague attempt to stop it from trembling, "I.. I just.. I.. I don't know. I don't know what I want, Kenshin! I'm scared! I've never.. I've never had someone be interested in what I want.."

I watch him for a moment, and then a sly smile spreading across my face slowly, "Guess this will be your first time."

He blushes deeper, and I continue on with my work; I take off his shoes, his socks, his pants and his boxers. He gets out of his shirt carefully so as to not rip anything, even though that's exactly what I want to do to it more than anything in the world. I don't bother taking off my own clothes; this is about Soujiro and his pleasure, not mines. Lying there completely stark naked, Soujiro is every bit as beautiful as the word suggests. I think I'm starting to understand the concept of virginity a little better. There's a physical one, a concrete reality: a piece of skin for girls, the unused member of the boys. It is used once and then it is lost forever. And then there's the more complex form of virginity and innocence; one that is from within one self, that cannot be taken unless it is unlocked by another lover who is willing to go the extra mile for the recipient. Soujiro is no virgin by flesh, but he is by heart. I can tell by his blushing cheeks, his heavy breathing, his irises shrinking and expanding. It's clear that he is as nervous as a maiden on her wedding night.

I'm going to take his virginity now.

And I'll make sure he loves it.

"Spread your legs," I growl deeply, making him groan in pleasure from the power of my stance alone, and he does as I say. I shuffle closer and lean on my elbows, carefully taking the sides of his hips with my hands. I can hear the shallow and rapid breathing of Soujiro, and I try to soothe him with gentle kisses on his inner thighs. Soujiro is careful with not being too loud with his moans and gasps, opting to bite his fist as I come dangerously close to his throbbing cock. This is going to be both of our first times in this type of situation. I never would have thought that I'd be caught in a situation like this; my reputation in this school was that I sleep with girls and girls only. I've made a numerous amount of young ladies here and out of this school cum and scream my name before, but I've never have done such a thing with a boy before. And although I've given Soujiro some pleasure and made him cum before.. it was only because I was involved directly, by fucking his ass or him blowing me. He hardly let me touch him back. But that's all going to change today.

Here goes nothing. In a burst of courage, I start to lick the side of his cock and I am surprised by how.. non-offensive it actually tastes. I expected a lot worse, for some reason. But Soujiro actually tastes a little good. Really good, actually. I like how he tastes. Soujiro is going to be my favorite oral, I think. I lick the other side of his length and he starts breathing deeper with each stroke of my tongue.

 _"Ohh, God,"_ He groans into his fist, _"Yes, keep doing that.."_

"Mmm, you mean like this?" I whisper hoarsely as I tickle his opening slit with the tip of my tongue. He flinches with an acute cry.

 _"Hah, yes!"_

"Shhh. Keep your voice down, honey." I sigh against his length and continue to lick him, slowly to make him slowly go crazy. His inner thighs are now trembling with every stroke of my tongue. I rub my hands over the slopes of his hips to calm him down some. Soon I hunch over the top of his cock and start to suckle its head, making Soujiro writhe and whine into his fist. I smirk secretly to myself, enjoying the view. He looks so red now, it's hilarious. I go down on him a little deeper this time, careful not to go at this too quickly since I have never done this before and I refuse to fuck it up. After a few minutes of sucking him carefully, I can now almost reach the base of his cock, though I'm still shy of doing a deep throat. Don't know if I'm ready for that yet..

 _"Mmmgod, yes.. Kenshin.."_

I moan at hearing my name like that, and I finally reach all the way down to his base for just a moment before I come back up, coughing. Soujiro looks at me as I try to recover from that physical shock and starts to giggle, "You alright?"

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand to remove my saliva, "Yeah.."

"It takes practice." Soujiro winks at me.

I stare at him, taking mental notes of all of his beautiful features and the parts of him that makes me harden just by sight alone. It's no wonder he got so much action back then; he's so handsome and good looking. I can't take it anymore. I hastily grab the sides of his hips and pull upwards so that his ass is lifted all the way up and his legs is draped over the sides of his head. He is making all of these confused sounds as one would have expected, but I pay him no mind. There's something that I want to do that I think he will really enjoy. Plus.. it's just.. something that came over me suddenly that I desperately want to do to him.. I lean in and start probing my tongue into his crack, all the way down until I can start poking the rim of his whole. Soujiro flinches and then stiffens all over.

"K-Kenshin!?" He gasps, "What are―"

I thrust my tongue all the way into his hole and his body jerks, crying out softly in pleasure. This is exactly what Soujiro needs and deserves. I continue to eat him out all the while he's trying his best not to be too loud with his whining. I never thought I'd be enjoying this, but I do. I get to see Soujiro enjoying some new heights of pleasure in which he has never experienced before. And it's all because of me. Because of how good I am with my hands and, as it turns out, my tongue too. I take a light bite of his ass cheek and he moans, imagining electrical sparks emerging from that bite and letting it travel down to his cock. I want to make him cum so badly. I eat him out some more and watch lustily as he strokes his own cock at the same time, his breathing ragged and uneven, his bright red flush ever so compatible with the paleness of his skin.

I wonder what your cum tastes like, Soujiro. Is it as good as your hole tastes?

 _"I'm going to.."_ He suddenly hisses, biting his fist again, **"Arrgh!"**

His entire body quakes as he cums all over his chest and his own face. I grab his legs so that he doesn't fall over, leaning back to chuckle at how adorable he looks now that he got himself all sticky. I carefully lay him back down flat again and watch his trembling member soften by the minute for its recovery. I giggle again at Soujiro's annoyed expression, "You got a little something on your face."

"Don't remind me." He huffs, making me laugh a little harder, "What about you? Do you want to cum next?"

"No." I shake my head with a self satisfied smile, "I'm good."

"Are you sure? You can fuck me right now if you want."

"Like I said.." I gently remind him, taking his hand so that we both stand up from the floor, "I'm good. I wanted to make you feel good and that, in return, made me feel good. Let's get you washed up. I think there's a box of napkins around here somewhere."

Soujiro looks at me with the most puzzled expression, and he looks at the floor pensively before mumbling, "Okay.. Um.. Kenshin?"

"Yeah?"

".. Did you missed me?"

I don't answer, and his eyes flicker back up to my face, just so he can see me nod, "Tremendously."

His face is tinted with pink and he wraps his arms around his body absentmindedly, looking back down on the floor, "Oh. I see."

"Did you missed me, too?" I take one step to encroach his space, leaning down to have him look at me in the face again, "Did you wanted to talk to me, but couldn't?"

His eyes waver, ".. I.."

Despite the mess on his face, I take his chin and kiss him, his soft moaning making me harden once more. We stay like that for a moment before I break the kiss gently, and I whisper against his lips, "Don't do it again."

He gapes at me, "Hn.."

I kiss him again, "Don't do it again."

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Soujiro.

I think I'm in love with you.

 _To be continued_


	11. Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby

_Author's note:_ _Hello everyone! Here with another Friday update! This one will be a little shorter than the last one, so I hope you guys don't mind. Actually, I think its best that I combine short updates (5k word chapters) with long ones (10k+ word chapters) so that I don't have to feel pressured in writing novels every single week, lmao. I think it's more realistic and easier to manage that way, you know?_

 _Without further ado, here's the next chapter! Enjoy!_

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 _"Whispered something in your ear,  
_ _It was a perverted thing to say,  
_ _But I said it anyway,  
_ _Made you smile and look away."_

 _\- Cigarettes After Sex_

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I think the bond between Soujiro and I has finally flourished.

 _"Ohh yeah!"_ Soujiro breathed as I plunge myself into him from behind. It's Friday afternoon, just after school is over. Soujiro has informed me that his father had to fly out for some emergency meeting in the next city over. His father won't be back until Monday. He said it with that knowing smile on his face and I had to fight with every cell in my body to not suddenly grab him and fuck him in front of the whole class.

I take a nibble of his jawline while I fuck him, "You like that?"

 _"I love it!"_

We're in his magical walk in shower. I'm sitting on that stone seat with the water cascading onto the both of us. Soujiro is sitting on my cock with his back against me, legs spread out further than any girl I've seen in porn. The mere sight alone makes my head swim. The heat of his insides and the water aren't helping, either.

When I helped Soujiro clean himself up in that dark classroom that day, I think he finally realized that maybe he could let down his walls for me. I cleaned his face with water in the school's bathroom and the way he watched me was very.. unusual. But in a good way. I hope he does trust me from now on.

It feels so good to just.. _let go._ To let go of all of my suspicions. To let go of all of my envy and anger towards him. To let go of the shame of enjoying sex with another boy. To let go of the investigation. To just let things be for once. And I'm enjoying every second I get in talking and spending time with Soujiro.

I even blocked that girl on my Facebook account. Just so I can forget all the shit she said about Soujiro. It's probably not even true.

 _"I'm cumming..!"_ Soujiro suddenly jerks and convulses, cumming onto the shower floors. His hole was also convulsing and all that pressure basically sucked the orgasm out of me, biting his shoulder to hide my groan of pleasure.

We sit together like that for a few minutes, catching our breaths in union. The water continues to fall on us in a state of serene silence. After we both manage to calm down, I hug Soujiro and chuckle, "How was it?"

"Just.. great," Soujiro purrs as he rubs his cheek against mines, "Perfect, actually."

"Like you." I rub my cheek against his in response.

"You're such a wuss."

"Only for you."

Nothing's gonna hurt you, Soujiro. As long as you're with me, you'll be just fine. Nothing's gonna take you from my side.

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It's Philosophy class now after the weekend. Many students are either absent or sent to the nurse's office for a special shot to ward off the winter illnesses. Since the majority of the student body have parents who either don't work or don't make enough money for medical insurance, we get our annual shots for free.

So, Soujiro and I are sitting in the back of the class while we all have to watch a documentary about Socrates. The only other ones here besides us are only three others; both of them are snoozing through the film while the other one is taking selfies. The teacher said she had to take a smoking break outside. Soujiro sits in a desk in front of mines and he is scribbling down some notes about the film. Nobody else, including myself, are doing that for the movie. I don't even think the teacher wanted us to do so, anyway. So to see him doing that is kind of funny.

It's been more than ten minutes and the teacher still hasn't returned. I wonder what she's up to. Never the less, I find myself playing with Soujiro's hair on the back of his head with my mechanical pencil out of boredom. This stupid film is boring me to death. I don't mind reading or talking about philosophy, but for some reason, they don't make a great subject for films.

"Cut it out." Soujiro whispers as he waves his hand behind his head to shoo my pencil away.

I chuckle and sigh, folding my arms to rest my chin within the space to rest. God, I can't wait till this day is over. No, who am I kidding? I can't wait for the entire fucking _school year_ to end. Soujiro is still helping me out with the homework and with studying, so I think I'll be okay in terms of graduation. I still don't know what to do after high school ends. It's like asking me what my biggest ultimate goal that would define my entire existence.. and my answer is, I don't fucking know! I'm only eighteen, for fuck's sakes!

And.. does Soujiro really want to study business so that he'll take over the Seta Enterprise? Is that what he really wants? I can't get over the fact that he wants to be a veterinarian. Especially for the stray animals from the streets, he said. I think that career would be perfect for him. Despite his awkwardness, I'm finally realizing just how kind and sensitive he really is deep down.

He's always helping other people, but.. when is he going to help himself?

Suddenly, something catches my eye.

Soujiro has stopped writing and is now just watching the projection screen ahead, and he seems to have his arms crossed casually. One of his hand is just dangling on the side of his chair, and a small smirk tickles my lips. I lean in with one hand to take a gentle hold of it, making Soujiro turn to look over his shoulder at me with a frown. I know what he's thinking. We shouldn't be so careless with our secret relationship. But right now, I don't care about that. And anyway, nobody is even looking at us. I close my eyes and shake my head, as if telling him, don't worry. We're safe. He rolls his eyes and turns back around to look at the movie, promptly ignoring me. I start stroking my thumb on the back of his hand, and I hear him sigh, no doubting rolling his eyes again. But he lets me continue without a struggle.

I then start to rake his fingers softly with my nails, doing this for at least a couple of minutes. Soujiro doesn't respond, eyes still glued to the screen. Alright, we'll see about that. I take one finger and start to circle around the space between his thumb and index finger. He shifts in his seat but doesn't respond anymore than that. I then start to probe the opening with my finger, reminiscent to what I've done with my member in his hole. Soujiro looks over his shoulder again, whispering vehemently, "Do you mind?"

"Mind what?" I ask lustily, dipping my finger into the space, and he cringes with a small wince.

"Kenshin.. not here." He suddenly smiles weakly, catching on to this weird game I'm playing, "They'll catch us."

My eyes flicker over to the other students, completely oblivious to us. The two sleeping students are still asleep, and the other one who was taking selfies is now just fiddling with her phone. I look back towards Soujiro eyes and whisper, "Don't worry. They don't care about us."

He smiles and I start thrusting my finger out of his 'hole' in and out, in and out, repeatedly. He slowly turns back around to look at the movie while I continue to finger him. The teacher still hasn't returned from her smoking break, and I have to wonder what is up with that. Oh well. Maybe she had a little feminine emergency and has to take care of it. I continue on fingering, my other hand holding my chin as I look ahead at the class movie. My finger thrusts a little harder and deeper as each minute ticks by, and after a while, I can hear Soujiro making the softest, quietest moaning sounds on Earth. It's barely audible, and yet.. the hairs on the back of my neck stands up by these mysterious sounds coming from my lover.

In and out, in and out.. How I wish I could have sex with you right now, Soujiro.

His fingers tighten around my own as if he had reached a metaphorical orgasm, and I bite my lower lip. I'm so fucking hard. Soujiro finally looks over his shoulder with that impish little smirk that used to bother me back then, now the sexiest thing on Earth, "I came."

At that moment, the movie ends, and the silence takes over the room.

The teacher walks into the room with a strange expression on her face, but she carries on the class as usual.

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 _"Arrgh, Soujiro, don't.. mmm!"_

It's Wednesday, ninth period class. Gym class. While the teacher and the rest of the class are at the track doing endless laps, Soujiro and I went to that supply shed where he propositioned me for a sexual relationship the first time. And now he's on his knees, sucking on my hard on. The way he deep throats me so easily and does these crazy tricks with his wet tongue around my shaft.. it's unbelievable. I heard that this is why homosexual sex can actually feel better than heterosexual sex sometimes; Soujiro knows what makes him feel good, and he's transferring that intimate knowledge onto me. It makes sense, honestly. Never has a girl done so much for me, and without complaining so much.

 _".. S-Soujiro, wait.. the teacher is gonna.. ahh, fuck!"_ I whimper pathetically as Soujiro takes my hand to the back of his head and starts to guide me into letting me face fuck him, all without a gagging sound in the air. How does this kid do it? Maybe he doesn't have any gag reflexes.

He comes out from sucking my dick, _"Pwah!_ Hey, why aren't you cumming yet?"

"Shhh!" I chastise him with a hiss, "Are you fucking crazy? They'll hear us!"

"Who will?"

"THEM!"

He giggles, "Kenshin.. They're not even aware that we're missing in action. They're all out there, trying to beat their own scores at the track and fields. And that teacher totally does nothing but daze off into the distance. I think he's too old and should retire already."

I grunt, "Come on, are you serious? What if they look for us?"

He blinks, turning around over his shoulder to look at the double doors, "You mean that? Those doors lock from the inside, not out. I made sure that it won't let anyone in."

"Tch!" I snort, "If you want to get expelled that badly again.."

Oh shit.

He looks back at me with a smile, his eyes rapidly blinking, "Come again?"

"Uh, nothing!" I fluster, chuckling, "Why don't you continue with what you were doing?"

"Hmm, you're so selfish." He smirks before going back down to suck on me some more, my eyes closing to focus on his mouth instead of.. what I used to know about him and his past.

It doesn't matter anymore.

Right?

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It's Saturday. I'm hanging out with Sanosuke, Yahiko, Aoshi, and Soujiro at none other than Megumi's place. She's got the place for the weekend, and we decided, what better way to celebrate that than sharing Yahiko's new bong? Aoshi didn't wanted to participate, but he sat and watched while drinking a beer as we all take hits and act like total idiots. I can hold my own pretty well whenever I smoke weed, usually just sitting there and enjoy the high peacefully. Yahiko just makes a bunch of perverted stupid jokes like a little kid whenever he gets high which, I'll admit, are pretty funny. Sanosuke just talks about whatever the fuck he saw today or even what he's seeing now, almost like the kush makes the guy trip harder than it should. Megumi just talks about how horny she is when she gets blazed but that's about it.

Soujiro becomes.. a little weird on weed. He gets flirty and starts to compliment my friends, though it seems to go over their heads. Aoshi would keep his eye on Soujiro but wouldn't say anything about his strange behavior.

"Oh, Yahiko, I just.." Soujiro stretches his arms out wide and wraps them around his neck, "I just love how you style your hair every day!"

Yahiko chuckles, "Bro it's.. it's just gel.. fuck."

"Hey, what about me?!" Sanosuke blurts out with a laugh under his breath, his eyes red and wet.

Soujiro winks at him, "You are.. literally the strongest person I've ever seen in my life. Your muscles are so huge, do you know that?"

They all break down into hysterics as I sit there feeling all sorts of strange emotions: I feel awkward, out of place, and left out simultaneously. Not to mention a little fucking jealous over Soujiro pawing at my two best friends like they're pieces of meat. Or are they treating him like a piece of meat? I don't even know anymore.

"I think you should calm your little wanton friend down, Shinta." Aoshi takes a puff of his cigarette, unaffected by Soujiro's antics.

"Aoooooshiiii!" Soujiro mewls as he leans his head against Megumi's bed, "Don't be mad! You should come over here and cuddle with me. I need a man like you in my life."

Aoshi exhales the smoke from the side, "Piss off."

"Soujiro.." I warn him by taking Soujiro's shoulder, "Calm down, will ya?"

"Aw, come on, Kenshin, he's just fooling around." Sanosuke sniggers.

Megumi then walks into the room with a ton of snacks for the impending munchies that will soon overcome us, "Hey bitches."

"Said so by the biggest one of them all." Sanosuke grumbles under his breath.

"I'm sorry, what was that? You want me to kick your ass?" Megumi rolls her eyes as she sits down next to me.

"Soujiro here is maaaad horny. I bet you know how that feels like." Yahiko takes a hit of his glass bong.

Megumi blinks, "Wow, really? Someone ought'a take care of you, Soujiro. Don't you have a girlfriend yet?"

Soujiro giggles, "No, but I am being taken care of, if you know what I mean.."

My face suddenly feels cold and clammy. He wouldn't!

"Wait, what? You're banging someone?" Sanosuke's eyes widen and so did Yahiko's.

Soujiro nods humbly, "Yes. But the name will remain anonymous out of respect of the other person."

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me!" Sanosuke throws his arms up exasperatedly.

"Dude, come on!" Yahiko shakes Soujiro's shoulder desperately, "You can tell us anything! We won't laugh, we promise!"

"Is it someone we know?" Megumi chimes in, aggravating me further.

"Is she from your classes?" Aoshi smirks, which felt like a sucker punch to the face.

What the fuck!

"He doesn't want to answer the question, so all of you just **shut up!** " I shriek, making everyone flinch and shrink back within themselves in shame.

"Hmph," Aoshi stubs his cigarette into the ash tray next to him, "I see your anger issues from childhood hasn't let up, Shinta."

I can feel my face smoldering.

I just.. I can't let anyone know about us..

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"You seemed uptight yesterday. Are you okay now?"

It's Sunday. Soujiro and I told our respective guardians that we are going to the public library to study for this week's tests. Instead, Soujiro and I went to a vast forest several miles away from Kyoto, where most people go to camp out, or to go hiking into the woods. Since it's the middle of October, there really aren't any people around that are interested in freezing to death. So it's really just the two of us for many, many miles all around us. Perfect for the activities that we are interested in doing. No, not hiking. Not fishing. Not camping or singing songs by the fire.

I peel off Soujiro's plaid shirt off of his body before casting it aside to kiss his shoulder from behind him, "Yeah."

"I guess now you understand my feelings a little bit better.." Soujiro sighs pleasurably as I kiss his other shoulder, "And why we can't date each other publicly."

I kiss the back of his neck, "I know. I know that now."

".. But you know.. If only we could.. that would make me," He leans his neck to the side so that I can kiss the skin there, "Really happy, honestly. I'd love to be in a relationship with you if I could."

My heart that used to be so against being tied down to anyone or anything.. the heart that might've cared about Tomoe and Kaoru but couldn't see much of a future with either of them except for the present moment.. now sings a song of pure bliss that Soujiro would love to be with me. To be in an actual, potentially life long relationship with me and only me would be a feat worth having. I embrace Soujiro and I can feel my cheeks hurting from the cold as well as from the big smile on my face, "You're perfect, Soujiro Seta."

Even though we had sex after that.. I can sense a shift of paradigm between us.

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Days rolled by. Weeks rolled by. Soon, it's Halloween, and Soujiro throws yet another big party at his mansion. His father, ever so busy and distant, has left the city for a conference, so Soujiro can have his fill of impulsive teenage recklessness. I think that a lot of adolescents dream of having parents who could leave them be in order to hang out with their friends every day and party every night. But I think deep down, Soujiro feels terribly lonely because of his absent father. Even though Hiko pisses me to high heavens, I would hate to not see him as much as I could. I'd rather see Hiko drunk and in the flesh on the daily, rather than him perfectly normal and healthy but traveling so often that I'd forget what he would even look like. There's things in Soujiro's life that I would never want to have and.. it's just funny, even admitting it to myself.

There really are certain things that money can't buy.

The mansion is decorated to some nice spooky shit that no doubt costs a lot of money; endless streams of lights and animated talking figures of ghosts, ghouls, and witches; sound effects and flashing lights in certain hallways to invoke a sense of doom in the party goers; a creepy music playlist on a laptop somewhere that's booming in the entire household, sprinkled with evil cackles and creepy moaning. Everyone is dressed in costumes, probably for the very last time before they'll grow up and forget about the true meaning of Halloween. It's a little sad when you think about it. You don't know when's the last time you'll feel young until you wake up one morning and have to go to work or to take care of a family. These things scare me to death, more so than any of the decorations that Soujiro's cleaning team has put up.

I'm wearing a black t-shirt with skeletal designs on it, rib cages and hip bones and so on. Along with jeans and sneaker, I look like I hardly give a shit about dressing up. My friends, however, went all out; Megumi is dressed as a sexy bloody nurse, Misao as her own rabbit (but in a sexy attire no less), Kaoru as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, Yahiko as a ninja (wow), and Sanosuke as a blade wielding meat butcher. They must've gotten their costumes from Soujiro's money, I bet, because there's no way they'd have the funds to look that good for Halloween. I think they actually all went to the mall together on the weekend before Halloween, but I bailed because I had to take care of Hiko. Soujiro insisted on picking something up for me, but I declined.

"I can't believe you didn't dress up!" Misao groans as I come out of Soujiro's guest bathroom, "I would've made you look really creepy this year!"

"If I wanted to be creepy, I'd become a religious freak. Or a cop. Otherwise, count me out." I close the bathroom door behind me, "Where's Soujiro?"

She shrugs with pouted lips, and that's when Megumi bounces in, "Heyyyy!"

"Ah, here comes the drunk!" I roll my eyes.

Megumi sticks her tongue out at me, "Nyehhhh! You're no fun. What crawled up your ass and died?"

"Nothing," I sigh, "I just wanted to know where Soujiro went."

"Are you gonna fight with him again?" Megumi giggles.

I open my eyes with a confused frown, "No. We're actually getting along pretty well these days."

If only they knew exactly what I meant.

"Now that you mentioned it," Misao presses a finger on her chin in wonderment, "You guys sure have spent a lot of time together these past few weeks.."

"I think it's great, it's so nice that we can all get along!" Megumi takes a swing of her vodka glass, "Now let's stop acting old and let's party!"

"In a minute, I need to find Soujiro." I walk in between the two girls and walk up the staircase, where many of the party goers are either sitting slumped against the wall, texting someone, or making out with someone else. I ignore them and call out Soujiro's name as much as the thumping music allows me too, which unfortunately is so loud that it drowns me out. I decided to check Soujiro's bedroom, but it's locked. I knocked several times as loud as I possibly can, but no one answers. I whip out my phone to text Soujiro, asking where in the hell is he. When I arrived to this party, it's like it is being hosted by an actual ghost because I haven't seen a hair nor a hide of his ass anywhere. All my other friends and acquaintances are here, but not him.

Where is he?

Suddenly the bedroom door rips open and someone grabs my arm to pull me in, and before I even realize what is going on, the door slams shut with a click. I see Soujiro grinning at me like a fool, dressed up like Sid Vicious. His hair is wild with hair spray or something of that nature, more bedhead than spiky. He is donned in a black studded leather jacket, skinny jeans with a studded belt, authentic punk show button pins and patches, and messed up looking boots. I gape at him in awe, blushing and totally amoured by this version of Soujiro Seta. He looks so cute and so bad ass all at once. How does he do it?

"You like?" Soujiro twirls around for me to get a good look at his outfit before he strikes a pose, "I got this get-up from a flea market."

I snap out of my daze and blink at him, "What? Dude, how?"

"Google?"

"No, I mean.. How did you go to that side of town without getting stabbed?"

"Oh, Kenshin," He shakes his head, laughing, "You're so paranoid."

I glare at him for a few seconds before deciding to let it go, "Never mind that. Where were you?"

"Hiding here, duh," Soujiro turns around to walk towards his bed to sit on the edge of it, "I wanted to see you before I head downstairs to the party. I let Sanosuke know of the copy key that's hidden somewhere on the front porch. He was the first to arrive and even met the cleaning team."

"Oh. I see." I shove my hands in my jean pockets, kicking an imaginary rock away.

"Kenshin?"

"What?"

"Come here."

With just those two words alone, my member starts to stiffen. Oh shit. Is he going to do what I think he's going to do? Feeling what I am feeling right now? There's only one way to find out. I start to walk towards him, smirking all the while. I sit down right next to him on the edge of the bed, and we both just looked at each other, chuckling under our breaths. When the laughter dies down naturally, we bore into each others' eyes for several long seconds. Instinctively, we lean in to start kissing each other, my hand cupping his chin to guide the kiss. He lays his hand on the side of my neck. Tongue meets tongue, our saliva mixed into one concoction of ecstasy. Soujiro moans softly into my mouth as I deepen the kiss, my other hand reaching his hard on to stroke from the outside of his disheveled jeans. Soon, his other hand reaches over to also stroke on my hard on, and we both slowly fall onto the bed completely together.

"Soujiro, wait.." I breathe as I try to end the kiss, though Soujiro keeps sucking on my lower lip, "Wait.. what if someone..?"

He lets go of my lip to whisper, "No one is coming in. The door is locked, the music is super loud, and the walls are totally sound proof. No one is going to interrupt us or catch us in the act. I promise."

"You swear?"

"On my mother's grave."

"Okay, that's going too far." I crinkle my nose and he laughs.

"Okay. Let's continue. Where have we left off?" He leans back in with a smirk, kissing me again, and we resume our make out. There we were, kissing and groping each other like we're just thirteen and just discovered the magic of heavy petting. After a while, the clothes began to peel and fall off, and we were both completely in the nude, Soujiro on top of me and kissing me while I have my arms wrapped around his waist to keep him close. I love how soft and warm he is. I love how smells, how his bangs fall across his beautiful blue eyes. I love how his hard on pressing against mines, making me happy rather than scared. I don't know if I'd ever entertain the thought of sleeping with other men in general. I have always been a ladies man, after all. But Soujiro is my only exception. He's even more lovelier than any girl I've been with.

Maybe that's why I love him. Maybe that's why I'm falling for him. Slowly and then rapidly all at once, like sand running out of its time in an hourglass case. That's why I think, maybe now.. Maybe tonight, maybe right now or later on, I can tell Soujiro about my real feelings. Because even though he tells me he's in love with me, he told me that I am not allowed to love him back. But a lot has changed since then! We've been having such a beautifully intimate relationship thus far, and I don't just mean the sexual intercourse; Soujiro and I actually have fun like real friends do. He tells me about things he would see or read, or things he is afraid of when it comes to his father and the future. He always encourages me whenever I struggle during our studying together, and we share inside jokes like we've been lovers for decades now. It all has to mean something, right? That we can actually have a real relationship together and.. and maybe, come out together? To our friends and family? And even if it doesn't end well, at least we'll have each other, right?

Right.

So that does it.

I've made up my mind.

I'm telling Soujiro tonight.

Now I'm on top of him, kissing the back of his neck and easing my way down, pecking on his spine to his tail bone. Once I reach lower, Soujiro starts to giggle into the folds of his arms, realizing what is happening. What I did to him in that classroom was unforgettable, and I'd like to do it again to him. Soon I am eating him out while he relaxes on the bed, his breathing going into intervals of sounding deeper or erratic the deeper I tongue him.

"Soujiro.. there's.." I blush, wondering if maybe this is the best time for me to confess while I'm chin deep into his ass hole.

"Hm? What was that?" Soujiro looks over his shoulder blade at me, waiting.

I hesitate as I sit up straighter, looking around and biting my lower lip lightly, "I, um.. I have.. I have something I want to tell you.."

Soujiro stares at me, and his eyes looks suddenly somber. He gets on his knees cautiously to sit up straight, turning towards me, "Kenshin. Stop. I know what you're about to say. And my answer is the same as before: You can't love me."

Now I'm getting another sucker punch to the face.

"But why not?" I touch his shoulder, "Why can't you let me love you?"

He smiles bitterly, "I don't want to ruin your life."

"You're not going to ruin my life unless.." I shudder, the thought of it killing me on the inside, "Unless you leave me.."

He sits there quietly, just looking at me with pity, and he finally replies, "I can only have sex with you, Kenshin. But that's it. You agreed to the plan so that you can further your investigations, haven't you?"

"I dropped that stupid investigation!" I shake my head, "I don't want to do that anymore! I'm done with it! I trust you Soujiro, and I..!"

He looks at me with wider eyes, and I look at him back.

Just do it..

"I love you, Soujiro!" I can barely get that last word out before my breath fails me, and I fall into the slope between his neck and shoulder blade, hiding my frustrated tears from him, "I just love you so much!"

".. Kenshin.. I.."

The door starts rapping and we both nearly jump out of our skins, yelping like little chihuahuas.

"W-who's there?" Soujiro calls out.

"Uhhhh.. it's Misao? Where are you guys? We're going to start drinking from the keg if you want to join us!" Her voice could hardly get through the thickness of that bedroom door.

"Who the fuck brought in a keg?" Soujiro asks himself, and I look at him, feeling cold.

Is he.. Is he not going to tell me he loves me back?

What is going on?

"Soujiro..?" I take my hand to touch the side of his face, and he immediately takes that wrist to stop it from touching him.

I feel so sick.

"Don't. Our friends are here. Let's just get dressed and go." His voice sounds octaves lower than what I'm used to, leaving me even colder.

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I don't understand.

Why?

 _(To be continued)_


	12. Lover’s Eyes

_Author's note:_ _Hey guys! Hope you all had a lovely weekend! So here's another short chappie, it has some yummy sex scenes to quench your thirst for a longer update this upcoming Friday/Saturday. :) I'm sorry that it came sorta late, but no worries, eh? I really love the reviews and it gives me the energy to keep going with the story. Keep em coming!_

 _Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!_

 _PS: I'm admitted to a hospital so I can't edit this chapter. It will have errors and I'm sorry._

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 _"Were we too young?  
_ _Our heads too strong?  
_ _To bear the weight of these lover's eyes?_ _'  
Cause I feel numb, beneath your tongue,  
_ _Beneath the curse of these lover's eyes."_

\- Mumford Sons

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Nothing felt real that night.

Soujiro and all of my friends were busy giggling, talking, dancing, and drinking beer after beer to notice that their dear friend Kenshin is just standing there with the weight on his back. Not that they don't care.. Megumi and Kaoru would come by, time after time, to quietly ask me if everything was alright. And I would look at them and I would smile and I would lie to them, and tell them that I was okay. Because there's nothing else to add, now is there? Soujiro made up his mind about me. About all of this. About us. He thinks we should keep this under wraps and to not let it go further than it has to go. Because we have a reputation to uphold. Because he's the good boy from a rich family, and I am a bad boy from a broken home. Despite the contrast, we couldn't be more similar: We have something within ourselves that hurts us to our very cores, and we take care of it by taking care of each other.

By giving each other attention. By fucking each other. By enabling each others' vices.

Am I even good for him?

Is he good for me?

I watch him throughout that entire party as he flirted with the girls, pretending that he is anything but a flaming homosexual. I know who you truly are, you faker. I know what lies you hide behind your smile. You think you can cloak this and sweep things under the rug forever? Is this how you deal with your pain? By taking advantage of those lower than you in social reign, to feel better about the fuckery that is your mother's passing? Your father's absences? The lack of warmth from him and from all the friends you had to pretend to care about in your formative years? What else are you hiding?

My eyes squint, growling, as he turns his head to look at me, his expression confused by my aggressive scowl.

Yes. I'm looking right at you. I'm looking right through you.

He blinks, turning around to avoid me for the rest of the evening.

I too, also avoided him for the rest of the night.

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The next time we saw each other again was homeroom. We kept it strictly business, careful to not appear too moody or cold to one another lest we wanted the suspicion from our friends on us. We didn't want anyone to ask. We just wanted to move on from this. I didn't go to study hall and since Soujiro didn't texted me to ask me where I was, I think he didn't went either. We only spoke to each other when absolutely necessary. It's the same fucking dance we did last time when we were pissed at each other. I hate it but I can't help but keep him at arms' length. I guess he can't help it, too. Because of all the studying tips and tricks I've learned from him, I feel confident in doing my school work and my homework without his help, slowly growing my independence. I wonder if he senses this and feels some sort of pride. Or maybe he hates it because then that would mean that I don't need him like that anymore.

As the weekend inches closer, though, Soujiro's texts would come more often and grow in length, asking me if everything was okay and if I needed more help with my studying. I told him that I'll be okay this weekend with the studying, and then he'll start.. sending me strange things. Very flirty things. Like asking me if I am thinking of anything perverted during class. Or if I think anyone is hot. If I would make a hint that maybe I do find someone attractive, he'd get defensive and ask who. I'd then laugh to myself and text him back to tell him to calm down, that it's only him I find attractive. That would get him quiet until a few hours later, asking me if I'm horny and if I'm down to have sex later. Sometimes I'd tease him and tell him that I'm not in the mood. He'd beg me to reconsider, and I'd laugh and tell him, _maybe._ That word always riles him up, somehow.

 _"Maybe."_ Soujiro mocks me, pulling the hem of my pants down to lick my head generously, "As if you'd reject this."

I hiss in pleasure, biting my tongue and smirking, "You're such a grouchy slut, you know that?"

He sneers at me, "Don't be an ass. I'm sucking your dick for you, y'know."

"Yes.." I close my eyes, my smile fading, "After ignoring me at your party.."

"What?" I open my eyes in time to see his face damn near close to mines, "You're upset about that? You're the one who looked like you wanted to fucking murder me at the party."

"Because," I grunt, careful with my next choice of words, "Because.. I thought that maybe.. that we could―"

"―What? _Date?_ Be each others' little boyfriends? Show each other off to our friends and family and they'd all clap and cheer as if nothing is happening?" He gets closer, his blue eyes almost glowing from the rage, _"Bullshit!_ This is the real world, Kenshin Himura. We can't have everything that we want, and we have to make do with what we can have in the meantime. If my father knows about this, he'll have my head on the wall. And if your stepfather knows about this, he'd drink even more than he does now. And your friends? Your open minded friends who seem chill with everything?"

I look at him, helpless.

"They'll abandon you. Just like my own friends have abandoned me." He smiles but his eyes are not matching with it, making him appear all shades of insane, "You can't trust anyone in this world, Kenshin. They'll turn on you. You have no one to rely except yourself. You shouldn't even rely on me, especially not in the long term. Because sooner or later, Kenshin.."

He kisses me, catching me by surprise.

"Hm!" I moan, kissing him back, desperate to have a taste of him. Of his darkness. Of his own helplessness.

He breaks the kiss, a mere hair away from my lips, and he whispers, "I'll abandon you, too."

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Abandon me?

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The world is becoming colder and colder. Though the trees are still glowing with orange and bright red leaves, many of them are scattering to the ground in greater numbers than before. It's November now and Hiko and I received a box of donations from the local church. This year seems very generous and if I were one to believe in such a God, I'd praise his name over this. We received lots of sweaters and good coats that an upper class family did not wanted, but couldn't return it to the stores. Bless their hearts. Maybe not all rich people are useless and selfish dicks.

"Looking good, Shinta!" Hiko chuckles hoarsely as I walk into the living room, donned in a navy sweater and my own Levi jeans.

"Duuuude, feel how thick this shit feels!" I show my sleeve towards him so that he can reach over to touch it. But I look at him and just see a deadpan expression.

"Stop cursing."

"Sorry!" I cringe and then giggle as he sighs and shakes his head, "Lighten up! I have a feeling this Christmas won't suck so hard this year."

"Oh, I believe you," Hiko gets up from the couch with a grunt from his sore muscles, "Especially since I'll be telling you exactly why your predictions will be correct."

"Huh?" I blink.

He takes a moment, just grinning at me, "Son.. your old man's got himself a job!"

I stared at him. The news didn't even hit me. Did he just said what I think he said?

".. I.. I..!" My eyes widen and so did my smile, and I suddenly tackle him back down to the couch with a hug, "Dad, what the fuck?! Are you serious right now?!"

He is also laughing, ruffling my hair with his hand, "Yes! And I told you already to stop cursing, but yes, I am now officially a part of the employed population."

I beam at him, my embrace softening so that I can look at his face now, "Dad.. where are you working now? Is it a new police department?"

His smile flickers but he quickly hides with by smiling wider, "It's something better than that, son."

I gape at him, ".. Better?"

"Hmmm." He nods, "I'm going to be working in a security branch for a very major company."

"Oh," My brows furrow, "So like.. are you going to be a mall cop or something?"

He bellows out into a loud guffaw, "No! Son.. I'm going to be working with computers and such. I've taken classes in university but never applied it until now. This company is really going to take care of us as a family. Lots of benefits, lots of coverage for the medical bills.. and you don't even want to know about my new salary."

"Tell me!" I urge him with a smile.

He shakes his head, "Tut tut! My lips are sealed. If I told you, you'd never leave this house and be a man."

"Aw, come on!" I embrace him again and he chuckles again at my strange affectionate behavior, "At least tell me which company hired you!"

His laughter dies down before he can reply, "I was hired by the Seta Enterprise. Can you believe it?"

...

"Son?"

...

"Come on, you son of a bitch, pick up!" I gripe into my phone's receiver, pacing back and forth in my room only seconds after my stepdad told me where he'll be working at. The Seta Enterprise?! What the fucking fuck!? Is this some kind of sick joke? I'm going to give Soujiro a piece of my mind. That or my foot up his ass. He can pick one once I stomp over to his giant mansion and threaten him with a knife. I slump on my bed and feel angrier as each ring enters my ear drum, "If you don't pick up the phone, I swear to God..!"

"Hello?"

 **"What the fuck did you do with my dad?!"** I damn near screamed into the receiver.

"Ugh, stop yelling so much, will ya?" Soujiro chides me, "I made my dad hire your stepdad. My dad needed someone working in security, and based on Hiko's background check, he seemed perfect for the job."

I can feel my face turning into a shade of purple and red, "Background check? Did you also do a background check on ME without my fucking permission?!"

He is quiet for a moment before answering politely, "Of course. How else would I have known where to find you?"

And now my face feels cold, "You.. You didn't.."

"Didn't do what? You want to know the truth? I found you on Facebook around a month before I transferred to your school. I thought you were interesting and I loved the things you wrote on there." I can almost _hear_ his smirk on the other line, knowing he's ripping me apart with his head games, "When I researched your school, I came to actually like the extra curriculum and how the faculty presented themselves, so normal and modest compared to the elite assholes I had to deal with. And I thought you looked really cute in your profile picture.. so.. Of course I had to beg my daddy to move here."

I'm thankful that I'm already sitting down, because otherwise, I would've fell right over, ".. You're a fucking creep, you know that?"

"The fucking creep that you're fucking, now? The fucking creep that gives you the best orgasms you've ever experienced in your life? That fucking creep? I guess I'll take that title with pride, then. I always get what I want in the end. That's what separates people like me from people like you."

That struck a chord in me, and I am left breathless and speechless.

"Kenshin. Don't fuck this up. I am giving you everything you've always wanted. Now all I need is for you to play to my rules like a good little boy. If you can do that and let me have my fun with you.. then I can give you anything you want. Anything you desire. It's all yours for the taking."

"Why me?" I can barely hear my own voice.

"Why?" He laughs softly, without a hint of sarcasm this time, "I don't know. I guess, reading your inner thoughts and monologues on your social media, as well as how you just are in real life.. the way you look.. how you talk.. everything about you drives me crazy. And you know something? I fucking hate it. I hate it because I can't make a life with you even if I wanted to. Not when the entire world knows who your father is. Not when they know who you are, too. I should hate you for doing this to me, and a little part of me does hate you, Kenshin. But the other part of me.. God, I really just love you and you feel so good inside of me. How could I resist you?"

This is the absolute worst fucking time for my dick to get hard, but it did.

"I.." My face is burning with a deep blush, "I.. Soujiro.. can I meet you somewhere?"

I can hear him chuckle on the other line, "Sure."

A half an hour later, Soujiro and I are in his bedroom, me lying on top of him to suck on his hard on while he's beneath me and sucking on my cock. Despite the awkwardness of ramming my dick down his throat, he seems to be coping well never the less. Since it's Saturday, my stepdad wasn't too concerned that I told him that I'll be sleeping over at Sano's house and that I'll be home on Sunday evening. I promised him that he and I can watch an old movie together that evening when I return, and I'm really looking forward to that. Especially now that I know that he's employed and working again.. Hanging out with him doesn't feel so strange or bittersweet anymore. I worry that he is still drinking, and wonder if he would drink while on the job. I guess these are the questions I want to confront him later on when I'm done getting my fix with Soujiro.

 _"You're always eating me out, it's insane,"_ Soujiro pants and moans as I use my hands and spread his ass cheeks to gain better access in tonguing his hole, _"God it feels so good..!"_

I eat him out for some time before an idea pops into my head. I roll over and away from Soujiro to get out his black box of perversion, opening its lid and going through its contents. Soujiro sits up and hums confusingly, asking me silently what it is that I'm planning to do. Without answering him verbally, I let the thing that rests in my hand do the talking: In my grasp is a smooth silicone dildo, and Soujiro looks at me with an uneasy chuckle, "What are you planning to do with that thing?"

My eyebrow cocks up and I smirk, "Take a guess."

 _"Hmm!"_ Soujiro flinches as I probe his hole with the toy moments later, after a vigorous amount of lube is applied in and around his hole for easier access.

"It's going all the way in.." I lick my bottom lip absent mindedly, my eyes hazing over as the lust takes over me, "I wonder how much you can take in there.."

"S-shut up," Soujiro shivers while I pump the toy in and out of him, "You sound like a pervert."

"Look who's talking," I pant, feeling myself hardening at the sight of the toy going in, inch by pleasurable inch, "Crazy stalker."

Right as the toy goes all the way in, Soujiro jumps just as it hits just the right spot, _"Fuck!"_

I swallow my saliva, not realizing I was practically drooling over how hot Soujiro looks right now, "Found it."

With his pink pert nipples, slender body and pale skin, Soujiro is the depicted artwork of androgynous beauty. I couldn't help myself but angle myself over him to take one of his nipples to suck on it hungrily, Soujiro mewling and gasping in pleasure meanwhile. He tastes so good. How does a person taste so delicious? I'd swallow him whole if I could. I think I said that once before, but.. I gnaw on his flesh from the middle of his chest, his stomach, and even on his rib cage, making Soujiro twist and moan louder. Meanwhile, I am pumping the toy harder and faster, going in deeper and deeper as much as I dare myself to.

"Kenshin.." I can hear him almost crying, "You're going too deep.. I.."

I lean back to look at his flushed expression, "Oh? Is that right?"

I push the toy in harder, Soujiro's face looking both lustful and paralyzed, his eyes begging me to stop and yet, to go in deeper at the same time, "It's too much. It feels too good.."

If I could just stay inside of him forever..

I'd never want to leave.

 _"Ha!" Soujiro cries out, "Hm!"_

"Tell me about the background checks." I hit his sensitive spot once as a bargaining chip.

He writhes, "The background..?"

I hit it again, making him groan, "The background checks. Especially about me. What else do you know about me?"

"I.. I know where you live..!"

I hit it again, "Oh really? Since when?"

"Kenshin.." He moans helplessly, his eyes now begging me to stop. I simply lick his sensitive nipple, which makes him reply, "Hnng, before I moved out here!"

"So right by the first day you arrive at my school, you knew where I lived. I knew that run in at the convenience store seemed suspicious."

He relaxes his body as I pump gentler this time, his eyes wavering, "I'm sorry."

"Me too." I smile weakly, "But then again.. is it fucked up that I find it flattering at the same time?"

He frowns, confused. I chuckle.

"I think, if I had the same resources as you do.. I'd hunt you down myself." My eyes open and he looks taken back by my new level of lust in them, "Soujiro Seta."

He grunts, not trusting what he's seeing now. I carefully take the toy out of him and position myself in between his thighs, smirking at him as he whimpers behind closed fists, "Himura..?"

I pierce his hole with the tip of my cock and he gasps quietly, his back arching the more I slide in deeper and deeper. Once I'm all the way in, I grasp his chin to make him look at me, and I stare at him for a few moments. His eyes look nervous. And then I whisper darkly, "If you think you have the upper hand in this game.. I feel sorry for you. You think I can't destroy you just because I don't have as much money as you?"

I thrust harshly against him, making him cry out in pleasurable pain, _"Ugh!"_

I smirk, "You're wrong."

I refuse to let you control me.

I watch him as he is shivering from his orgasm as I hit his soft spot with my cock minutes later..

Or worse.. I refuse to let you abandon me.

Life goes on as usual. Between school and hanging out with my friends, doing light chores around the house so that my dad can focus on his job peacefully, and having amazing sex with Soujiro.. I definitely have a busy schedule. But it's great. I actually love this fundamental shift in my life. Before Soujiro, I would drown out my pain with doing frogs with friends or doing something reckless. That or get into legal trouble with the police. It was a full ache type of emptiness.

But now with Soujiro in my life, pushing me with school and letting me enjoy my sexuality with someone so unexpected.. I can feel the dull aches fading away. I can actually feel happiness when I wake up in the morning.

So maybe we can't date each other. Maybe this is as good as it's going to get. And maybe that's not a bad thing.. maybe that's how the world is supposed to work. He got me some nice stuff, he's making my friends really happy, and on top of that? My dad has a fucking job after years of drinking and unemployment. And all I have to do is keep our affair a hush-hush. That should be easy for me to do, right?

Our friends seem to notice us getting closer, and they seem really satisfied with it. I'm getting better grades in my classes, which both shock and relieve my teachers. My dad is trying to wean off of drinking, and thanks to the insurance coverage, he can do outpatient treatments and therapy for alcoholism. Life is fucking awesome.

And it's not like all we do is fuck. Whenever Soujiro tries to get inside my pants, I just steer him into doing something else with me instead. Like going down to the local bowling arenas. Or an arcade to play Dance Dance Revolution together. Or even just chill somewhere and just talk, like any normal pals do.

It's a Thursday afternoon after school, and me and Soujiro are hanging out at a courtyard that belongs to a big university. We pretended that we were students of this place, and if anyone stops and asks us who we were, we had our made up names and choice of majors ready in our arsenal. The look on the campus police or a senior student was just priceless, and we would chuckle together after they left us alone.

"Did you see that guy's face? He looks so fucking retarded." Soujiro hides his face and continues to laugh harder, and I follow along.

"Vat mayjer are yew studyin? Is he German or something?" I laugh, "That accent!"

"I had fun in Germany but learning the language was such a dud," Soujiro sighs, taking a drag of his cigarette before passing it to me as if we were toking up, "I'm glad I got out of there."

"I think it's pretty cool that you studied there for a year, though," I exhale the smoke, "Did you fucked anyone there?"

"A lady never kiss and tells." He winks at me and I roll my eyes.

"Figures."

"But you know," Soujiro smiles at the sight of the huge university buildings, "Looking at all of this makes me so excited about the future. And now that you're becoming a straight-A student like me.. you can go to pretty much any school you like. Can you believe it?"

I sit beside him, watching him, ".. I want to go to the same school as you, Soujiro."

"Hm?" He blinks at me, but then giggles, "Don't be ridiculous! When the senior year is over and you got everything you want from me, you can chase after your own dreams. And with Hiko working and taking care of himself better.. now you can focus on yourself and no one else."

I look at him intently, "I still want to go to the same place as you do."

He sighs, "Himura.. the school I am planning to go, is way above your budget. Even if your grades would impress them and you'll get the scholarship grants, you'll still have to face insurmountable amount of student bills for the rest of your life. If you ever have kids, those poor kids would have to pay for it.. hell, your fucking grand kids would have to pay for it too, long after you're dead."

"You don't have yo be so fucking patronizing." I stand up from the bench and glare at him, "Maybe I just like being around you. But on second thought, maybe you're right, I shouldn't follow around such a piece of shit who looks down on everyone."

He looks at me boredly, "Kinda like the same thing you're doing?"

I instantly kick his shoe that he had dangling before because he had one leg crossed over his other kneecap, and now with both his feet on the ground, he huffs angrily and shoots up from his seat to start smacking me with his hands. I try to grab at his wrists and we struggle for a while, catching the attention of some onlookers.

"Cut it out!" Soujiro screeches and I couldn't help but start laughing at how ridiculous his face looks, and he screams louder, "What the fuck!?"

I laugh even harder, pinning his wrists together behind his back with one hand while the other one grabs his hair from the back of his head. Before he realizes what is happening, I shove my tongue down his throat, kissing him intensely even though he tries his best to fight it. Finally he is able to push me off of him, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, "What the hell was that?!"

"Calm down." I chuckle casually, crossing my arms in front of my chest, "You're only going to attract more attention in your direction."

As if my mere words pulled open the shower curtain all around him, he looks around with widened eyes at the passing students walking past him, some looking at him and whispering to each other while the others give off an awkward chuckle at his expense. Soujiro's cheeks turns pink and crosses his own arms, his hands grabbing his forearms in a vulnerable state. Seeing that gave my heart a pinch, and I walk towards him to give him a little nudge with my shoe against his ankle, "Come on. Let's go home."

He doesn't answer, but he follows me anyway.

"You're such an ass, you know that?" Soujiro mumbles, but I just wrap an arm around his shoulders anyway, and he lays his head in the crane of my neck, "Jerk."

"Love you too." I smile contently to myself.

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"Winter formal? What are we, twelve?" Megumi smacks her bubble gum.

"Oh, come on, this is so exciting! I can't believe the teachers are even letting us have this at our age!" Kaoru gushes as she reads the flyer on the school announcement bulletin board in the hallway, "We can go shopping and get our hair done and our nails painted..!"

"Look at her go." Misao grins and Megumi giggles in her hand.

"Aw, what the heck?!" Sanosuke leans towards the flyer with a twitching eyebrow, "Don't tell me you girls are going to this stupid dance!"

"Well now, since you're so against it, I think I'll go." Megumi checks out her nails, "Maybe I'll ask that kid out in my chemist class."

Sanosuke turns to her aggressively, "You fucking wouldn't. _That weird guy with the glasses?_ He looks like he takes it up the ass."

Soujiro coughs and I look towards the floor with an uncomfortable grunt.

"What?" Sanosuke turns to us, "It's true! He looks so effeminate!"

"He has a softer type of beauty, unlike some men." Megumi scoffs, making Sanosuke glower under his breath.

"If I go to this dance, will you fellas provide the weed?" Yahiko crosses his arms behind his head casually, and Megumi starts to sneer.

"If that's all you ever do with your life, that's fine by me. Maybe I want to have a sober type of fun every once in a while." For some reason, I can sense a hint of pain in Megumi's voice, but I don't know if I should ask. Megumi always likes to play the tough chick that doesn't need anything or anyone, but I know of her struggles all too well. I think that, deep down, she wants to lean on someone for once, but she couldn't let down her walls even if doing so would make her happier in the end. Kinda like Soujiro, when I think about it.

"Do you think the teachers won't mind if I invite Aoshi to be my date?" Misao coos with stars in her eyes and we all groan in union, "What?"

"We know you guys are going to have like a hundred babies together in the future, but will you please shut up about him?" Megumi smacks her own forehead exasperatedly.

"Who would you guys ask out to the dance?" Yahiko asks all of us and we all take a moment to think about it.

"I guess it's whoever who really likes me would be the one to ask me out, but I'm okay with going by myself." Kaoru answers sweetly as always.

"Give me Aoshi or give me death." Misao sighs.

"I think I'll go with Megumi here since I refuse to let her share spit with that faggot." Sanosuke crosses his arms defensively.

"Like hell I'd go with you!" Megumi spits, "You'd have to give me a grand invitation or you can kiss my ass!"

"I think I'll ask Tsubame out from my literature class." Yahiko scratches his cheek shyly, "She's been texting me a lot lately, anyway.."

"Awwww, that is so cute, Yahiko!" Misao gushes.

"Better be careful with her older sister Tae. I hear she's pretty overprotective of little Tsubame." Sanosuke smile smugly at this piece of information.

"What about you guys?" Kaoru looks right at me and Soujiro, catching us both by surprise.

"I.. I, um," I look at all of their expectant faces, "I guess I'll know when I see that person."

"Same here." Soujiro laughs.

I think we both wanted to say each other's names, but we couldn't. What would our friends say?

"Well, whatever is meant to be, will happen." Sanosuke nods and we all agree. We stand around chatting about other inane bullshit before the bell rings for our lunch period, and we all laugh together as we travel towards the cafeteria. Seeing Soujiro so carefree and happy and so handsome in his black sweater, I wish to the Gods that I could be the one to ask him out. I love everything about him. I think, if he and I can't find any dates, that we'll go together "as friends" and then sneak out of the dance late at night to be together somewhere. It wouldn't hurt to ask him. It's not like I'll ask him to dance with me or to hold my hand or take that stupid school picture together for the yearbook. It'll just be us dudes having fun and maybe drink together from under the tables. Nothing wrong with doing that with Soujiro, right? Right. So that's what I'll do: I'll ask out Soujiro as a friend and he'll have no other choice but to say yes.

It's not like he'll find a girl to go out to the dance with. Or even to be in a relationship with him. He's gay. And he only loves me.

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Right?

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 **kenshin, did ya hear?! soujiro just asked out amakusa sayo to the dance! - sanosuke**

 _(read 11:13 PM)_


	13. idfc

_Author's note: Hey everyone, sorry for the late-ish update. My hospitalization was because I was super suicidal due to me stupidly stopping my medication without a doctor's approval. I am never going to do something so unsafe like that again. Afterwards, with therapy and work and all of that, this story had to take a step back so that I can readjust to regular living afterward. I feel like soon everyone will give up on me and this story and.. I wouldn't be surprised. But to anyone who is still holding on despite everything, I just want to say from the bottom of my broken mind, thank you. This update is especially for you._

 _PS: I fixed the stuff from the previous chapter, though maybe some of the grammar is off and I'll have to tweak it this Friday after I post this new update. So be on the look out for that!_

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 _"Tell me pretty lies,  
Look me in the face  
Tell me that you love me,  
Even if it's fake,  
'Cause I don't fucking care  
at all."_

 _\- Blackbear_

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What is Soujiro thinking?!

Why is he doing this?

Why is he hurting me like this?

Why is he doing this to me?

To my face?

To _us?_

When Sanosuke texted me that message, I knew I had to do something. This is not going to fly by me. I had agreed that this sexual relationship will be kept as a secret between the two of us. However, I did not know that it meant I had to share Soujiro with other people. I mean, for fuck's sakes, I was JOKING about having a foursome with those girls back in Hiroshima; there is no way in hell I would let them touch Soujiro while I stand by watching. What with all the disgusting diseases out there people having crawling in their jeans, there's just no way I am going to be okay with Soujiro doing shit with other people. Whether it's done behind my back or to my face, it doesn't matter. I'm not going to have this.

So, I wrote a small urgent handwritten letter to Soujiro, and left it inside his locker. Because he's so stupid enough to give me his locker combination, it was an easy break in for me. In it, I wrote that it's an emergency that cannot be spoken over the phone, by text, or through social media. It has to be done face to face. I asked him in the letter to meet me behind the bleachers at the school's sport and gym field. It's after school and because it's so deep into the autumn season, the skies have already taken a soft orange glow to signify the upcoming evening. I check the time on my phone. 3:47 PM. School ended at 3:00 PM, and I've been pacing back and forth, wondering where the fuck could he be. He hasn't texted me at all today either.. and I snuck that note in his locker before our last class together, so maybe he's just stumped over what to say. I mean, how would one really reply to such an urgent letter with a text message? You just can't.

"Kenshin."

My heart jumps and my stomach falls down all at once, hearing that voice behind me. I turn around, seeing the peach glow of the skies illuminating his entire figure with a astral vibe. His normal brown hair now looks like a strange shade of mahogany, but his pale skin looks as bright and unmistakable as always. He looks so confused, seeing me like this. I could feel myself smiling, but the butterflies in my stomach seem to stroke their fluttering wings against my eye and my lips, causing them to have a nervous flicker. Soujiro looks so good today, it's maddening. How? How can someone look so impeccable without much effort? To be so graceful and handsome and charismatic and funny and so.. so..!

"I got your letter," He takes a few steps forward, the bleachers above him washing over his figure with blocks of light and dark, "What is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

I stare at him, my face feeling colder and paler. I feel like I shouldn't fuck this up and not be so careless. I should just tell him that I did not know about the ground rules of our set up. That I never would have agreed to have something open with him if it meant he could mess around with other people at the same time. Because even though what we have is technically casual.. it still doesn't mean that I wanted it to be open enough so as to invite other people into it. I thought that only I could have sex with him, and vice versa. That's all. That's all I needed to clarify with him. So why do I feel so fucking scared now? I shouldn't have to be meek just to clear the air with sometimes as simple as a question, right? We're adults now. We can talk about this. If we can fuck each other, I think we should just as easily communicate with each other. Right?

".. Kenshin?" He tilts his head on the side a little, blinking softly, "Is something wrong? Your message sounded so weird, that I got worried. Are you okay? Do you need to talk to me somewhere else instead?"

My eyes starts to lose focus, so I shut them. With a deep breath, I open them again, feeling a slight burn in them as I gape at his angelic figure, "Yes. Yes there is something important I wanted to talk to you about."

He straightens up his head and his brows furrow deeper, taking another step forward, "What is it, Kenshin?"

I love the way he says my name. How warm he feels even when his skin looks as cool and white as marble glass. His smile. His lips. His laughter. His joy. I open my mouth to answer, and then I close it. I couldn't focus on what I am meant to say next when Soujiro is standing so close to me like this. When I saw him in homeroom for the very first time, I thought that he was going to get all the girls with his good looks and boyish charms. But never would his looks capture the usual fleeting heart of mine. Unless.. I wanted to be open and reciprocate. And that last part surprises me the most. I have never really liked anyone strongly enough to want to be in a relationship with them. The closest one to have ever reached that potential, was Tomoe. And that was only because she wasn't like other people around me when I lost my real parents. I sought comfort in her, and thought that that's what is really needed in a relationship.

But I didn't saw just comfort through Soujiro. Through him.. I felt _passion._ I feel alive just by brushing my lips against his. I feel like I could always be on fire and feel its warmth just by being on his side. I have never felt such wonderful feelings like this before and it makes me as nervous as it does excite me. I don't want this feeling to ever go away. I don't want Soujiro to ever go away, either. I don't want anyone to have him especially. He's mine. He's all mine. I'll make sure he stays mine. No matter what, I'll fight just to have his lips and his mind all to my own amusement. To my own enjoyment. My own. Mine.

"Kenshin.."

"I love you."

His eyes widen and a big brush of wind scatters us by, our hair swimming in the air. That's it. That's what I wanted to say. That was what was grabbing me by the throat at night, aching and itching its way to the tip of my tongue whenever I see that boy around me. I love him. I love him! As if those words were the key to my locket, I smile, my soul flying with the wind behind me. What a wonderful thing to say! I love you, Soujiro Seta! I loved you when you were annoying me, I loved you when you helped me with my homework, I loved you when we first had sex, I loved you at your worst, and I'll always love you as you become your best! I love you so, so much! A prick of tears sting my eyes, and Soujiro looks ahead at me like a deer caught in headlights.

As the vigorous wind begins to die down, I smile and say the words once more, just so he can hear me again, "I love you, Soujiro."

Here it comes. I love you too, Kenshin.

...

"We can't."

First arrow through the heart.

A startled, quiet gasp escapes my lips, "..What?"

"I said, we can't. We can't be together, Kenshin. Haven't I already explained this to you?" Soujiro wraps his arms around himself, looking at his shoes dejectedly, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.."

A second arrow.

I start to tremble from where I stand, my stomach dropping even lower than before, "But! But.. But, Soujiro! Soujiro, look at me! I am confessing to you! I told you I love you! I.. I want to be with you! I want to be with you and no one else! I really think I am in love with you! Why else would I want to spend so much time with you?"

He laughs sadly, "Because of the sex?"

I wince at the pain growing inside of me, and I step forward to grab his forearms, "N-No, Soujiro! Soujiro, the sex has nothing to do with this! Even if you stopped having sex with me, I'll still love you all the more for it! I love you.. I love you for who you are.. Soujiro.."

My grasp starts to weaken as I see him laugh even more to himself, as if its the most hilarious show of theatrics that he had ever wasted his time and money on. Soon my hands let go of his forearms and I stare at him, his figure blurring through the hot tears in my eyes. Are my.. Are my feelings not enough for him? Am I not good enough for him, after all? But he told me he loved me! So why.. why can't we just be together? His giggling dies down and he looks up at me, his face a twisted version of pity. I wanted to just let myself fall down, so I did. I drop to my knees, looking at his shoes this time, shattered. A third arrow makes its way to my heart, with a poisoned tip this time.

And yet, with what's left of my strength, a faint smile spreads my lips, "Why?"

"Do you really have to ask?"

My smile doesn't stray and I ask him one more time, "Why?"

"Because my father would send me away. Because you will make your step father drunk and unemployed again. Because your friends will abandon us, and all we'll have is each other. Does that sound reasonable or healthy to you?"

I snap and look ahead at him, _"And fucking each other senseless is healthier?!"_

He looks taken back at my tone, but he relaxes and nods, "It's all we can really have right now. I'm not an ordinary person, Kenshin. My father moved us here to try and get away from the media. All I've ever known were camera lenses.."

He dry heaves, and I frown, "Camera..?"

He shakes his head, "It's nothing! I just.. I just can't do this, Kenshin. If people knew about what we have done to each other, it'll destroy my father's utopia. Shatter all of our dreams of becoming normal after my mother's death. I won't be able to be like my father and continue our family's legacy.. how could I ever face that man after I just got done being fucked by you?"

The poison runs through my veins and I bite my lower lip, shaking my head, "You're a coward."

He flinches, laughing in strange tones, "Geez, you got me there."

I let my head fall and look at his shoes again. Those nice, fresh pair of shoes that must've cost a fortune. We don't say anything for a while, until finally, I mutter loud enough for him to hear, "Get out."

"We are already out."

My head snaps back up at him and I snarl, _"I said get the fuck out of here, you hear me?! Don't you ever come near me again!"_

He doesn't even flinch from my outburst, which irks me. He instead drops to his kneecaps just like I am, and he shakes his head at me, "No. No, I'm not going to leave you alone. But we still can't be together, Himura. I don't want to ruin your life."

"You are already ruining my life.." My eye twitches as my face twists into a rage, "Are you stupid?"

"Yes I am," He smiles sadly at me, "Because I know this hurts and I know I can't balance two different lifestyles forever. I hope I can enjoy it with you for as long as I can, though.. isn't that enough for you?"

I stare numbly at him, a single tear rolling down my face. I couldn't help but feel desperate for his love now despite my rage against his plans for me. My hands come up to his forearms again, and he grunts, looking at my hands with concern, "It's not enough, Soujiro. I need you. I love you so much. I want to make you happy. I don't care anymore what people have to think about me. You are so much more important than their opinions. Is it.."

My grasp on his forearms tighten in a loving grip, Soujiro looking into my eyes, "Kenshin.."

"Is it the same with you?" His figure blurs and focuses in interval, my heart unable to keep up with the arrow's poison anymore.

His eyes waver with tears also, and he shuts them, streams falling over his cheeks, and he says the following through gritted teeth, "I can't. I can't, Kenshin. I do nothing but ruin people's live―"

I pull him into a feverish kiss, one of my hands reaching the back of his head to hold him still while our lips are sealed shut together. The poison leaves my body and I feel warm again. Safe, loved, happy, hopeful. His lips are my novocain, though his words sometimes carries morphine. Still, I don't and won't ever shy away from kissing this little devil. This devil of mine, with the face of an angel. Soujiro starts to writhe and pushes my chest away from him, and we stare into each others' eyes. Drinking each other in with just that stare alone. How I would love to swim into the ocean that resides in those two eyes forever.

"I'm.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.." He starts to break down sobbing, and the pain in my heart returns. I watch him helplessly as he crumbles before me, worried that soon his tears will turn his flesh into dust, to be flown away with the wind all around us and disappear into the sun.

I grit my teeth, my anger returning. I slowly let go of him, and I watch him as he sniffs and wipes his eyes with his sleeve, and I suddenly say, "Go on home then. Go home to your new beau. I'll be just fine living without you."

Liar. You goddamn liar.

He looks up shakily, his eyes wide with disbelief, ".. Kenshin?"

I struggle to get up and look down at him where I stand, the winds coming back but gentler this time, "You are right. This isn't going to work. Not when you're such a coward that you can't face your own self with honesty. I'm done with you. Goodbye, Soujiro."

You no good liar.

I turn around and am just about to walk away, when I feel hands grabbing my shoulder to jerk me back around to see his tear stricken face, "Kenshin, please! Please.. Please be reasonable! I'm not here to hurt you!"

"Too late." I smile bitterly, trying to turn around to walk away, but am instead forced to look back at him.

"I don't want us to end like this! I'm just.. I'm just so afraid of the damage I'll cause if I were to be with you for real. Why can't you understand my fears? Why can't you.. can't you just.. understand my feelings, Kenshin?"

I shake my head with a pitiful chuckle, "How can I understand your feelings when you don't even understand your own?"

He shivers and looks down defeatedly, trying to think of something to say, ".. I just.. I just thought.. that you didn't wanted me like that."

I close my eyes, the darkness of the poison engulfing my entire being, "Why don't you go back to your daddy and tell him to give you more money to behave like the Godless slut that you are? You said something about cameras.. did you do porn back then, or―"

 **Slap!**

The side of my face sears with the burning sting of Soujiro's hand slapping across it. I look at the the grass, stunned beyond belief. Did Soujiro just smack me in the face? All because I mentioned a camera? Was it porn that triggered him? I slowly straighten up and look down at the now seething blue eyed boy, his face almost purple with emotional scathe. I blink, dumbfounded and at a loss for words. He takes a few steps back, his eyes fill to the brim with venom, "You piece of fucking shit. Don't you ever.. _ever_ mention my father like that again. At least my father is still alive, unlike yours."

I feel sick to my stomach. I don't dare drag this on anymore. I don't want to end up beating up the one person I have had sexual intimacy with countless times before. I turn around and start to quickly walk away, not hearing him say or do nothing until I am well far away from him. The sun is setting and I take the next metro bus ride home.

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What was that?

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It was around four in the afternoon when I came home. Hiko is still at work, probably learning the ropes at the Seta Enterprise. I can't believe it. Hiko, fucking working for the father who birthed the boy that I'm having a secret sexual relationship with. A boy that I'm coming to terms with that I have fallen in love over. A boy that I can never have, because he never can have me. Closing the door behind me to my bedroom, I look down at my messy floor, crest fallen. The skies from my window now looks like a silver storm, the clouds painted on across the atmosphere like bruises found on a victimized body. For some reason, the thought of it makes my stomach twist. I let my book bag slump to the floor lazily, walking over to my bed to just let my body fall into it. My eyes feels so sore from crying in the bus ride home.

I can still feel the phantom sting of that slap from Soujiro on the side of my face that is now cushioned by my cool pillow. I sigh, closing my eyes. I don't want to think about Soujiro anymore. I should think about something else. Anything else, but him. But every time I try, his face always comes back from around the corner. I'll try to think about my friends, but there his face will be in the midst of the crowd. I'll think about Hiko, but when he turns around, Soujiro takes his place, smiling deviously at me. Taunting my inability to move on from him. Even when I think about Tomoe.. Just as I imagine her coming into my room, I blink and that's all it takes for her to disappear and for Soujiro to stand there in front of me instead. Looking down at me, with a muted smile, and eyes filled with love.

I turn to lean my back against the mattress now, looking up at the ceiling above me. I have seen this same ceiling for so many years now, but right now, in this moment.. it doesn't look familiar to me at all. In fact.. Nothing ever felt familiar when Soujiro came into my life. I guess that's why I'm taking all of this so hard. I have never experienced anything or anyone like Soujiro before. I don't trust it and I shouldn't trust it anymore. All it does is hurt me and breaks my heart, doesn't it? Should I even continue to have sex with him? I doubt he'll want me anymore after the cruel things I've said to him today. He looked like he was ready to kill me right there and then. Just because I mentioned his father and a camera. Does the camera represent something horrible to him? What is the connection there?

After a while.. My eyes starts to close and I would go through intervals of sleeping, and then waking up to stare at that same ceiling. Every time I would open my eyes from the short bursts of sleep, the ceilings would change. First it was orange from the sunset. Then it became a very dark grayish lavender, to signify dusk. Now after my last short nap, it's completely black. I blink, unable to recall any of the seemingly dramatic dreams that I've had in those little naps. Were they about Soujiro? The more I try to remember, the more the details began to water and dissipate, until I can no longer recall them as dreams at all. I hear the front door opening and closing, the ring of keys as Hiko closes the lock. I don't move and just lie there, listening to him. I hear his foot steps and the groans of the floor as they carry him wherever he went, the sound of the fridge opening to gather a glass of something non-alcoholic. At least, I hope it is.

I must've went into another sleep cycle, because after a while, my ceiling turned bright from the fan light bulb. I groan, rubbing my eyes. I feel worse than before.

"Shinta? Are you okay?" Hiko steps forward into my room wearily as I gingerly sit up in my bed.

"I'm fine. I slept a lot, though. I think that was a bad idea." I shrug.

Silence.

"I, um," Hiko grunts and I turn to look at him confusingly, "I got ya a little something. I hope you like it, son."

My heart thumps at that last part. I'm his son. And he is my father. Blood or not, we are what we are to each other, and that's beautiful.

"What is it, dad?" I lean my elbows onto my inner thighs, watching him as he takes something behind his back and shows me a brown paper bag covering something, ".. Dear God, I hope that's not beer!"

"You're about this close to getting grounded." Hiko chuckles, and I crack a smile in spite of it.

I sit up straighter and he takes that as an opportunity to properly hand me the present, and I carefully unwrap it to find it's a computer design software. To make art and shit. But on a computer. I stare at the box, amazed. Hiko clears his throat awkwardly and I look at him, smiling ear to ear, "Is this for me?"

"Of course. I still have to get you that.. that, whachamacallit," He snaps his finger, trying to remember, "A drawing pad so that you can draw on your laptop."

I blink, "But.. I don't have a laptop."

"I'm giving you my old one. If you still want it, that is."

I gasp happily, looking down at the software box in my hands, and then I climb out of my bed to give him a big hug, "Thanks, dad!"

He hugs me back, briefly, and then he claps my back with his hand to signify closure. I step back and had to ask, "I'm guessing work is giving you a lot of money already, huh?"

"And I told you that it's a secret! But yes.. I think a lot of good things are going to change around here thanks to my new job," He takes a gander around my room, "Lots of things. Better things."

I sigh contently, "That's good."

"Shinta," Hiko turns back around to face me, "Are you sure you're alright? Your eyes look strange. Have you been crying?"

I grunt. Should I tell him? About me and Soujiro? No. No! I shouldn't. It'll break his heart. How can he stand to look at me after I tell him that I'm having sex with another guy? Instead of a girl? There's no way I'm going to hurt him like this. Hiko.. No.. my _father_.. deserves nothing but the best from me. Especially with all that he's doing to better his own life. I'm going to just grin and bear it, and lie to him. Lying to people like this feels so beneath me, but I really don't have any other choice.

"It's nothing. I'm just tired from working so hard at school," I place my new gift on my night stand, "Studying really sucks."

Hiko nods, "Yes. Your teachers emailed me about your unusual behavior. You are pulling in better grades out of nowhere and they were wondering what was up. But.. I'm really proud of you, son. I knew you could get yourself to a good school after you graduate, and with this job, I can help you pay for it."

"No!" I shake my head, "I'll do it. It's my responsibility. I want you to take care of yourself after I move out of here. You deserve your own money, and I deserve mine. It's only fair."

"But I want to help."

"I don't need it," I chuckle, albeit sadly, "I'm starting to realize that help always put you in debt to someone else.."

Aw, fuck. There I go.

"Hmm? Is that why you're upset, Kenshin?"

Shit.

"Well?" Hiko crosses his arms.

I hesitate, feeling my cheeks heating up, "I.. Yeah. I guess I am upset about something."

"What is it?"

"It's about a g.. a girl."

"Huh. A girl. You never had any problems with girls before." He chuckles, out of masculine pride or what, I'm not sure. I gulp.

"Yeah. She's been helping me study."

"Well, whoever she is, give her my blessings!"

"Yeah, ha ha.."

"So then.. I suppose you've fallen for this girl, huh son?"

I wince, "Yeah."

"Huh. Typical." He laughs under his breath and sits on the edge of my bed, "Sit down next to me and tell me all about it."

"I'd rather not bore you." I roll my eyes briefly.

"Nonsense."

I sigh, begrudgingly sitting down next to him, "Fine."

"So what's going on?"

"It's exactly what you think. I studied with a girl and my idiotic self got involved with her."

Hiko pauses, "Oh. Um. Did you two—"

 _"Don't."_

He couldn't help but laugh, "Alright, alright. You're right. It's not my business, as long as you're safe about it."

I groan into my hands out of sheer embarrassment, making him laugh even harder. What's with parents getting so much joy out of humiliating you?

"Dad!"

"I'm kidding, son, don't get so gun shy. Now, tell me about this girl. What's her name? She from around here?"

"I don't want to give much details about her. But.. I don't know. For some reason.. even though we've been together, she doesn't want to be my girlfriend."

It really feels weird talking about Soujiro and having to use feminine pronouns.

"Well, why not? Did she tell you?"

I wince inwardly, ".. Well.. yeah."

"And?"

I wince harder, ".. She's kinda rich, dad."

"Oh. How rich are we talking here?"

"Like.. really, really rich. Like living in a large mansion rich."

He whistles, "And she slept with you? Amazing."

"Yeah." I smile a little. Alright, I admit it, I am a little proud of that. Who wouldn't be? How often do you get to bed a billionaire?

"So she didn't want to date you because she's rich and you're not."

I sneer, "No! Well.. yeah. I mean.. she said that it's because we'd ruin each other's lives if we dated each other."

"How?"

"Her dad is protective of her. He has money. Do the math."

"Gotcha," Hiko sighs, "Well son, sooner or later, you will have to go through the trials of love when you're at this age. It's normal to love somebody that you can never have."

"Yeah.." I deflate.

We were quiet for a moment, and then Hiko pipes up, "Well! I don't know about you or this girl, but Kenshin.. for as long as I have known you and raised you, you have always had a girl to tag you along wherever you went. You're a handsome guy and you do have a lot of options. And you're smart, too. And you wear a leather jacket. Any girl would swoon for you."

I chuckle, "Thanks dad. I get it."

"I hope so. I know this hurts now, but as the saying goes, _the sun always rises after dark._ Or something like that."

"It's always darkest before the dawn?"

"That one, yes."

I sigh, "Maybe you're right. There's lots of girls out there.."

Not as addicting as Soujiro. But..

"You've got options, kid."

I _do_ have options. Yeah. Fuck Soujiro. I think I know what to do from here on out.

"Thanks, dad. I think I know what to do now."

He ruffles my red bed head up with his hand, "I know you do, son. I didn't raise any fool in this house."

I slap his hand away, "Cut it out!"

"Alright, alright, I'll get out of your hair now," He grunts as he gets up from my bed.

I ignore that stupid pun, but I still smile at him warmly, "Thanks, dad."

He only smiles in return, knowing exactly what I meant. He walks out of my room and I look at the time on my phone. It's only 8:00 PM. I idly watch the time for a while, just thinking about what my father said. Of course I'm handsome and easy on the eyes. More than a dozen of different girls have confirmed this, so I know it can't be a lie. So then, why am I so pissed over Soujiro? When, just like Hiko said, I can pretty much have any other person I want? That's right. I have so much options, it's not even a question. I should be able to find a date for the stupid school dance. I'll show up with the date for a little while, and then we can go find a motel room to do some real celebrations. I smirk, cackling. I'm such an ass, I know.

So, who could I contact? I no longer have the phone numbers of those girls from Hiroshima. That would've been quite the threesome, since they seemed so willing and ready. Oh well. Who else could I call or text? I can't do Megumi, since it's as clear as day that Sanosuke has a major crush on her. He tries to hide it, but I know deep down his real intentions with her. I can't take Yahiko's or Aoshi's dates either, since I know they've probably all agreed to just go together anyway. Hmm. I do still have Tomoe's number, but.. Aw, who am I kidding? She lives too far away and there's no way she'd come here just for a stupid dance. I don't want her to look down at me so lowly that I had to reach out to her after all these years of silence just to ask her out for a dance. I think she deserves better than that. Knowing her, I think she'd have a serious steady boyfriend by now, too. A guy who actually has the balls to take care of her and make her happy.

Unlike me.

I sigh, stumped. Who can I contact?

And just like that, a ring tone comes on and I see a new text message.

It's Kaoru.

 _hi kenshin! :D_

 **hey**

 _xx are you doing anything now? i want to see you. to talk to you about something._

 **um, not really. i can meet you out somewhere.**

 _:p yay! okay i will come to your street._

 **it's dark out. i'll come to your street instead.**

 _are you sure?_

 **yeah. girls aren't safe at this time of night.**

 _aww okay. i'll wait for you from my front porch._

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I arrive in Kaoru's neighborhood after walking for several blocks. She really doesn't live too far from me, thankfully. I wonder if her parents know that we're meeting each other? It must be quite important if she needed to talk to me about this face to face. Looking up ahead, I see the faint lights of a front porch turned on, and a female figure standing outside. It's Kaoru. She's wearing her hair in a low pony tail and is donned in a white turtleneck sweater, and simple jeans and house slippers. Even though it's not a special kind of attire.. she still looks like the most prettiest and sweetest girl in school. I walk up the short steps and smile at her, "Hey."

She smiles sheepishly in return, looking down to the side shyly, "Hi."

"What's up?" I walk over to her patio swing bench that I have sat on for so many years of knowing Kaoru, and she stands there, watching me.

"I, um." She answers with a meek whisper, "I just.. I'm wondering.. if you've already.. um."

I cock my eyebrow at her slowly.

"I'm wondering if.. _ifyou'vealreadyaskedsomeonetothedance,"_ She squeaks, her face turning red and she turns around to hide her face, "I mean..!"

"Huh? Well, no, I haven't. Why do you ask?"

She stands there quietly, not answering. But all of a sudden, it hit me like a sack of bricks. Holy shit. Is this really happening?

".. Kaoru," I start in carefully, with a gentle tone of voice as I stand up to walk over to her, "Are you going to ask me to the dance?"

She still doesn't turn around, so I carefully place my hand on her shoulder to help her turn around and face me again. There's tears in her eyes, which took me by surprise. I didn't know asking someone to the dance could be so intense for a girl. I genuinely feel so sorry for her. She looks so small.

".. Yes." She finally answers with a whisper.

I smile slowly, looking down at her with both my hands now embracing around her to pull her into a hug, "Okay. Yeah. I'll take you to the dance."

She hugs me back and I can feel the wetness of her tears near my neck, and I'm finally realizing what is happening. I think Kaoru is finally realizing the weight of her feelings towards me and wants to be with me. I'm so happy that she's finally coming around. I'm so happy that she wants to be with me. I never would have guessed that someone like Kaoru could take me so seriously. But I guess.. I guess I was wrong. And for that, I'm relieved.

"Thank you." She whispers, and I hug her tighter.

It's cold outside, after all.

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"No. Fucking. Way."

We're at the junkyard now. I hit the baseball with an old abandoned baseball bat and it banged against a large garbage bag from its never ending pile. As the ball rolls on the ground and towards my feet, I hack and spit right next to it before replying to Yahiko, "Yep."

"I thought you would've done the asking, since.." Sanosuke stops himself mid-sentence and just shrugs, "Honestly, this is a better ending, so whatever."

"Yeah, this is just great! Now we all got dates to the dance." Yahiko grins ear to ear, knowing him that he's thrilled that Tsubame said yes to his face.

"Question is, are we really going to stay at that dance all night like a bunch of dorks?" Sanosuke leans away from an iron fence in order to casually stroll over to the ball.

"No way." I frown, gripping my baseball bat to ready myself.

"So what should we do afterward?" Sanosuke bends on his knees to retreat the ball before standing up again, bouncing said ball with his hand and smiling over his shoulder.

"Let's have an orgy." Yahiko cuts in like the little shit that he is.

"Shut your fucking mouth." Sanosuke threatens between gritted teeth, raising his hand over Yahiko's head as the smaller one winces.

"Why not a bonfire?" I said out of nowhere, catching the other two's attention immediately.

"Dude, that's a great idea!" Yahiko exclaims.

"But how are we gonna get all the wood?" Sanosuke's eyebrow cocks. I stared at him, completely deadpan. He suddenly gets it, "Oh, right! My uncle who chops wood for a living!"

"We can get wood from him?" Yahiko asks.

"Yeah. He sometimes cut a log wrong or too short, so he chucks them away for other things. He said I can take as many as I want if I have a reason to use some." Sanosuke shrugs.

"Then it's settled," My body leans down in a position to prepare for my next hit, "Throw."

Sanosuke does so, and I hit it so hard it flew into the night sky.

All I really had to do was pretend it was Soujiro's face.

 _(To be continued.)_


	14. The Package

_Author's note:_ _Hey guys, hope you enjoy this update and have a great, safe weekend! **I haven't done any editing to this chapter but I will tweak it tomorrow so fix any misspellings and grammar errors. Just to keep you aware.**_

* * *

 _"_ _Peripheral on the package  
_ _Don't care to settle in  
_ _Time to feed the monster  
_ _I don't need another friend."_

 _\- A Perfect Circle_

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"I just knew this would fit you!"

I turn around to face the full length mirror set in my father's room, the sleek dark navy suit complimenting the scarlet tones in my hair. I gape at the reflection, my mind trying to fit the pieces of what I'm seeing together to let it sink in. I don't look like myself.. and I mean that in a good way. I look.. so elegant. Suave. The suit Hiko gave me fit me perfectly down to the tiniest stitch. He dons a black necktie over my shoulders before I could react, and I grunt. He nods in the mirror's reflection from behind me, and I gingerly start to tie it around my neck. My eyes, despite this special occasion.. looks so somber and depressing. I haven't slept much ever since I fought with..

I heave a bit, and Hiko is roused in surprise, "Son?"

I sigh, chuckling uneasily, "I'm okay."

"You nervous?"

"A little."

"Ah, don't be, son!" Hiko laughs heartily, "Nothing to be nervous about! It's just a dance."

"With Kaoruchan."

"Aye. She's a very nice girl. I remember her when she was this big." He sets his hand just on my hip line, "How's her parents?"

I bite my lower lip, "They're.. they're okay."

"Oh yeah?"

We stand there quietly. When Hiko was an alcoholic, the word got around far enough to reach Kaoru's parents. When that happened, Kaoru and I had to keep our friendship on the down low. There is much to be ashamed about when you have a parent that drinks all day and all night, after all. I think I felt tension as a young boy whenever I would accidentally bump into Kaoru and her parents outside in public. She'd be all smiles, but her parents never once smiled at me. Because I am the step son of a raging alcoholic, and who would want their young daughter around that? In a way, I am happy that they were so protective of Kaoru. She doesn't deserve to be a part of my fucked up mess of a life. She deserves the entire world. And soon.. when the dance commence, I'm going to show her a really nice time.

She deserves that and way more.

I just hope I have what it takes to provide that.

We stood there for too long, and it's getting awkward. Hiko clears his throat, "Yes, well. I do hope they are doing alright. Anyway."

I gulp dryly, my cheeks reddening, "Yeah.."

"Are you driving yourself to the dance, or will someone pick you up?"

"I think Sano is going to pick all of us up with his father's pickup truck."

Hiko laughs, "Don't be sitting out in the back, you hear? I don't want you flying out and breaking any bones. I've yet to finalize my medical insurance through this new job."

Ugh. He is really going to be a big part of our lives, will he? That son of a bitch. I still can't believe he had his own father hire my dad to work for them. I clench my teeth, "Yeah. I won't."

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 _kenshin, come over._

...

 **i'm busy**

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 _where are you?_

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 **i'm just busy. studying.**

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 _can i help?_

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 _hello?_

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It's hard to ignore him. But I'm trying. In the day leading up to the dance, Hiko has been trying to teach me how to dance. Which is as every bit as awkward as you can imagine. I keep stepping on his feet, and he would wince and grumble and I could feel the rage welling up inside of me. Mad at myself, not him, for being so clumsy. I don't want to fuck this up for Kaoru. I want to be a good dance. I want to show her a good time. Meanwhile, Sanosuke has been teaching me how to chew tabacco to look cool for the dance. I'm already a smoker, and have been for years, but chewing it just.. it just feels so disgusting to me. Still, I try. Because I want to look bad ass for Kaoru. Yahiko then talks to me about what we should bring in terms of stash; he said he'll get the weed, and I'll get the beer. Although Aoshi said he won't be at the dance with Misao for too long, he is looking for a decent motel to have an after party in. He said he refuses to invite us over for some reason, so fuck it.

Megumi has been posting pictures on her Facebook account about all the shopping she's doing with the girls and Soujiro. Whenever I see his face in between theirs, smiling and laughing and throwing stupid peace signs with their hands, I can't help but feel a strange sort of bitterness in me. Not out of envy like before, but.. just knowing the fight we had, and how happy he seems in these photos.. I don't know. If I look hard enough, I can see a hidden sort of exhaustion and sadness in his blue eyes. But maybe I'm just projecting. Who knows.

I just want this dance to go smoothly.

For her sake.

"I told you to fucking shoot him!" Yahiko blurts out dramatically at the television screen in front of him and Sanosuke. We're at Sano's place, playing on his gaming console. Just your typical average bunch of idiots playing a co-op shooting game. Sano and Yahiko sit side by side on the floor in front of the bed while I'm lying on said bed on my stomach, playing along with them.

"Well you didn't say shit, dumb ass!" Sanosuke snarls at the black haired boy sitting next to him.

"We need to go back to the base and reload our guns," I yawn boredly, "I'm out of ammo."

"Hang on, let me just shoot that fucker first." Sanosuke presses some buttons and the ringing of gun shots is heard from the screen.

"Give me a healing bottle." Yahiko takes a sip of his beer, ironically.

"Done."

"Let's go before we get killed." I remind them and they both nodded in agreement.

We continue playing this game quietly, with some cussing interjecting from time to time, until I hear my phone buzzing in my back jean pocket. I swipe it out and turn on the screen to see a text message. My stomach drops. It's from Soujiro: _Do you wanna come to study hall with me on Monday? I know you're busy, but I want to make sure you keep your grades up. Talk soon._

"Who's that?" Sanosuke questions without turning around.

"Nobody. Spam." I place my phone back in my jean pocket, determine to ignore it for the rest of my time here.

Fuck Soujiro.

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It's Monday morning. Only four more days until the dance. The dance will be scheduled for Friday evening, which is a nice start to a long weekend due to a small banking holiday closing everything on Monday. Wonder what I'll do to have fun and relax for three days straight. It's homeroom and all of the gang is here, happily chattering about what fun we'll have on Friday. The bonfire is going to be lit, or so Yahiko says. We told Aoshi about the bonfire and he takes that into his consideration for picking out the perfect motel. We might have to travel a bit far from the city to get to the edge of the more foresty area, but nothing Sano won't bitch about thanks to his big pick up truck. I think we should sleep over in the motel for a few days, but we'll see how that goes. I really don't feel like being too close in proximity to the blue eyed devil, who keeps secretly glancing at my way from time to time.

What the hell do you want from me? You won. You got what you want, and now you have a date. We could have been together, but you don't want that. Now we both have someone else for the dance and you should just leave me alone.

"We got all of our dresses already. I hope you dummies got your suits!" Megumi checks her new set of acrylic nails. I really don't understand why women want to have freakishly long, sharp nails. How would they finger themselves? I smirk, trying to hide the laughter bubbling under my throat.

"I.. will have to get back to you about that," Sano quietly yet quickly said, adding some fake coughs into his fist. Megumi balks at him.

"What the fuck?! You have to be kidding me! We are so ready and you don't even have a suit?!" Megumi damn near screech, which earned a big shh sound from all of us. We really don't need to get suspended before the dance, anyway.

"I have a cheap suit, but I'll be covering that with my hoodie anyway, so," Yahiko shrugs.

"I hope your date likes that." Megumi scoffs, rolling her eyes.

"She's cool." Yahiko grins childishly at her.

"Who needs condoms because my mom got a big ass box for some reason." Misao butts in, which leaves us speechless.

"Why does she have a big b.. never mind. Yes, bring those because we ain't rich enough for birth control." Megumi shrugs.

"Awwwww yeah, orgy time!" Yahiko and Sanosuke high fives each other.

We're totally adults, I swear.

"Gross." Megumi nods, and Misao follows.

"Hey everyone."

We all turn and look up to see Soujiro walking in with a sleepy smile on his face, and Kaoru pipes up, "Soujiro, good morning! You don't.. look so good. Are you okay?"

He laughs, "I'm fine! Really. I've just been up studying."

"Damn, you really don't know when to quit, huh?" Sanosuke bumps his shoulder against his.

"It's not like we have any tests right now, right?" Yahiko's eyebrow shoots up.

 _Yes! See?! Soujiro's lies can't be up being straight forever!_

Soujiro hesitates, but quickly comes back with, "I know! But.. it never hurts to stay ahead of the game. And after winter is over, the finals is just around the corner, right? So, I'm just preventing from doing any damage control later on. Big deal."

"Hm. That's actually pretty smart." Megumi taps her finger against her chin.

"Soujiro, we really need to be a study group. You and Kenshin are hogging up all the smarts!" Misao pouts.

I shrug, "Take him. I don't care. I've been doing great on my own so far thanks to him. You guys ought to learn a thing or two from him."

I look at Soujiro just in time to see him mildly stunned at what I just said. Hell, even I don't know if what I said was a compliment, or a horrible way of abandoning him to my friends to have instead. I don't know if he's ready to give up on being my study buddy just yet.

"Hey, me and Yahiko wanna join too!" Sanosuke pouts too, making him even more dumber than usual. Out of all of us, I think he'd benefit from the studying the most.

"Hell yeah." Yahiko nods.

Soujiro's eyes are swinging wildly around at all of our faces and starts to stammer, "I! I.. um.. I.."

I frown. But before he could finish his sentence, the morning bell rings and the students rush around with finding their usual seats to welcome the teacher for the day.

What the hell was that about?

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The bell rings, and next period is lunch. I'm walking down the hallway, having made my way out of the previous class room as quickly as the teacher allowed us to. Just so I can avoid Soujiro. Even though he sat behind me, I could feel his eyes burning the back of my head. He texted me earlier today asking if I'd like to get lunch outside with him to review some notes, but I ignored it. Before I reach the cafeteria, I look up to see him leaning behind some lockers, his hands in his hoodie pockets. He doesn't seem to dress as well as he usually does. It's a strange sight to behold. I frown with my eyes but I just nod at him, acknowledging his existence without stopping to talk. But you know him. He never lets up easily.

"Everything alright?" He asks quietly, and I stop walking to face him.

"Yeah." I nod, "Are you okay?"

He seems to perk up a little from that caring question of mine, "Yeah. I just wondered if.. if you still needed help with studying."

I shrug with a sheepish smile, "Nah. You did such a great job with that, that I'm doing well in classes all by myself now. I ought to thank you properly, but we can discuss that later."

His smile wavers a bit, and his eyes drop to the floor, ".. How about.. tonight? At my place?"

"Is your father home?"

He grunts, ".. Yes. But, you won't see him. He locks himself in his office all night to oversee stuff for his company. It's hectic work and.. we never interrupt each other."

I shake my head, "Tut tut. No way. I'm not going to risk getting caught."

He looks up with a startled grunt, his eyes widening, "What? But.. we don't.. I mean. We don't have to do anything se.."

We both shut up as a couple of students walk by us, giggling and chatting amongst themselves. No need to get strangers involved within our private affairs, after all. As soon we knew they were too far away from us, I finish Soujiro's sentence for him, "Sex, I know. And to be honest, Soujiro.. you seem much happier with your new date than you are with me. So there's no loss to grieve here, right? I'm a no good son of a bitch, I talked shit about your dad, so what's the problem?"

His eyes waver and he looks weird, like a stunned mental patient, "I don't have a problem with you. You said some mean things, but, I forgive you. Kenshin, I forgive you. I don't want us to stop our affair. And she's just a date to the dance."

I smirk, "Right. Okay."

"I swear!" His voice hits a new high pitch and I flinch, and he realizes what he just did and mumbles, "I'm sorry. I just.. I just miss you."

I don't respond.

His smile wavers again, ".. Kenshin?"

"It's over, Soujiro. I don't want to sleep with you anymore." I turn to walk away, only to have his hand grab my shoulder to jerk me back to facing him again.

"I don't care! I didn't even wanted that with you now. I just.." His breathing hitches, "I just wanted.. to spend time with you again. Like we used to. Without having to take off our clothes. I want.. I want to do that with you again.. even if I do have a date.."

I yank my arm away from his touch, "Are you fucking crazy? You really need to get a grip. I am not gonna go down with you just so you can get your sick fix. Find another male lover and leave me alone."

"So what, we can't be friends anymore?!" He gets in my face and I take a step back.

I place my hands up defensively, "Calm down. You're being too loud."

He grabs my forearms, "Then what?! Why can't you be reasonable!?"

I grab his own forearms and shove him violently at the lockers behind him, "Get off of me!"

I watch as he starts to shake and his face reddening, eyes wet and pink with tears, "I hate you. I hate.."

He starts to break down crying, and I couldn't take it anymore. I bite my lower lip and just walk out that area, just to head to lunch, just to forget what's happening. It's too much. It's all just too much. I can't do this anymore. I can't take Soujiro anymore. I'm glad he has a date to the dance that's not me. I'm glad I have a date that's not him, either. What the fuck was I thinking? Me and him, together? When we're hopelessly terrible to one another like this? We would never have a healthy relationship. It's not in the cards in this lifetime.

I'm doing the right thing.

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Right?

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 _i miss you so much, kenshin. i'm so sorry._

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"Kenshin, I'm so happy you brought me out here today."

It's Thursday now, after school. I decided to take Kaoru out for some ice cream. I told her, why not. I know it's cold out, but they add hot fudge on it anyway, so it's like a lukewarm treat for us to enjoy. We ordered one banana split with hot fudge and cherries and whipped cream to share together, because the shit is so damn big anyway. We're at the local mall and I needed to get away from all that is stressing me out. She doesn't have to know that, though.

"I already got my dress, but I wanted to surprise you." Kaoru tucks some hair behind her ear shyly.

"I can't wait." I simply respond with a smile before taking a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth.

"Did you get your suit, too?"

"Yeah. It's from my dad."

"Hiko's?"

"... Yeah," I frown. I remember. I have two dads, technically.

"Ah!" She blushes and covers her mouth, "I'm sorry! Did I say something offensive?"

I gape at her. Catching on, I chuckle, "No. You're fine."

She lowers her hand from her mouth and sighs with a smile, "Okay. I just didn't want to upset you accidentally."

"You never upset or offend me, Kaoru," I lean over to touch her hand, "I promise."

She blushes deeper, "Oh, Kenshin."

We continue eating our ice cream. My phone keeps buzzing, but I keep ignoring it. I know who it is and I'm not going to give him relief from this. Not after all he's done to me. Not after everything he's said to my face. And speaking my face, I can still feel the sting of him slapping me for talking shit about his father. No thanks. I'm not into that toxic drama anymore. It's time to move on. Kaoru and I shop around a little here and there, not really buying anything, but enjoying ourselves never the less. Life can be fun without having to spend a cent, I find. We talk about a lot stuff and it feels easy between us. I guess it's because of the history behind us. I'm trying not to make it forced or awkward.

"Oh, Kenshin!"

I turn towards Kaoru and watch as she hurries to a store window. She presses her hands against the glass and I come up from behind her, and from here I see that she's oogling over a puppy. It looks like a small fried chicken breast, or a teddy bear. I smirk. It's really cute, actually. Kaoru turns to me and beams, "Isn't it adorable?"

I nod. Her smile relaxes and turns back towards the glass to look at that puppy some more, who is busy sleeping the day away.

Kaoru.. if I had the money..

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Friday, after school. I hitch a ride with Sanosuke to drive to his place so that we can chill for a bit before the dance. Unfortunately, that means I have to face my worst nightmare. I sit in the shot gun while Soujiro sits right behind me, and Yahiko sits behind Sano. Those two were yacking about stupid shit during the entire ride, but Soujiro refuses to join. When Sanosuke asked him what's up, Soujiro just feign sleepiness.

"Well hey, don't go to sleep now, we're gonna have a fucking blast this weekend!"

"I hope we packed everything for the motel." Yahiko stretches and yawns, "Would be awkward if we forgot something."

"Tch. Who cares, the motel Aoshi paid for has a convenient store nearby. And if pressed, the shopping center is just thirty minutes away by car." Sanosuke taps his steering wheel with his finger absent mindedly while waiting for a traffic light to change.

"I think we'll be fine." I mumble, and Yahiko takes out his phone to start playing some app video game on it. The traffic light sure is taking its sweet time.

"Come on, dammit, change." Sanosuke grumbles under his breath.

"I hope we're not gonna hit the traffic." Yahiko muses.

"I doubt it." I reassure everyone. But they don't seem to feel hopeful about this situation.

"We're gonna be late.." Soujiro finally says something in a low voice, and Sanosuke swiftly honks his horn, as if the traffic lights could hear him.

"Aoshi knows how to get inside Sano's place without a key, anyway, so he'll understand." Yahiko fiddles with his phone and I can hear him succeeding at whatever game he's playing.

I deflate, "Yeah.."

Sanosuke honks angrily meanwhile.

...

"You're late." Aoshi says simply as he opens the front door of Sanosuke's home.

"Durrr, we're late!" Sanosuke walks in and flailing his arms dramatically. Yahiko laughs behind and we all walk inside the house one by one. Soujiro was behind me and accidentally bumped me from behind, and although my face is burning, I hide this well. Aoshi closes the door while Sanosuke heads towards the kitchen to get us some snacks.

"We have only two hours to get ready." Aoshi reminds him, to which the taller brunet promptly ignored.

"It's fine. We'll make it. It's not like we need a limo." Sanosuke throws a beer can towards Yahiko and he catches it.

"With the crazy traffic on Friday night? I hope you know what you're talking about!" Yahiko chuckles.

"Puh-lease. We'll be fine."

"Hey Soujiro, catch!" Sanosuke flicks another can over to Soujiro, but he misses it and we all watch as the bottle rolls away down into the kitchen area again.

"Ah!" Soujiro tenses up, "I'm sorry!"

I frown, watching him. He's usually good at catching whatever shit we throw at him. He used to play little league as a young boy from what he told us.

"Huh." Sanosuke walks over to the lone can on the floor to pick it up, "It's all good. You can still drink it, can you?"

Soujiro chuckles uneasily, "But of course!"

"Don't get too drunk, now." Aoshi sits on the couch to fiddle with his phone, to text Misao I'm assuming.

"We won't. We'll save that for the bone fire tonight." Yahiko nods.

"Alright, less talking, more munch-munch." Sanosuke claps his hands before passing us a bowl of potato chips. Aoshi declines, but we all took some. I wonder what we'll all have for dinner. I guess we'll find out when we hit the road after the dance.

"Say, Aoshi, how far is the motel from here?"

"It's almost two hours away. But since we have Monday off, it's not that bad." Aoshi responds in even dry tones as usual.

"Nice and far from the parentals." Yahiko stretches his arms towards the ceiling.

"Yeah.." I look towards the floor, suddenly thinking about Hiko. Will he be okay while I'm gone all weekend long?

Suddenly, Soujiro pipes up next to me, "What's wrong, Kenshin? Worried about something?"

I flinch, taking a half step away from him, "Um. Uh."

"Your date?" Sanosuke sniggers.

"My.. dad." I shrug, trying to play it off. The room is quiet for a while.

"I'm glad he got his new job, though. I don't think he'll be drinking while you're gone, Kenshin. This won't be like all our other trips." Yahiko comes next to me to place a hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

My eyes flicker over to Soujiro in time to see him looking at Yahiko's hand on me. He doesn't look one bit happy about that. I smirk to myself.

"Yeah. You guys are right. We'll have a lot of fun this weekend." I take some more chips, and the conversations commence about the dance, the trip, and whether we'll score with the ladies.

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A few hours later, we all arrive to the school gymniasum, where the dance is being held. It's as every bit as cheesy as one would expect of a parent-teacher funded party; lots of balloons, lights dimming and flashing everywhere, old school music blaring from the big speakers, snacks, a punch bowl with no alcohol in it, and awkward dancing. Ugh. I hope we don't stay here for long. I take Kaoru's hand and we both walk on over to the snack area, "Do you want anything to drink, Kaoru?"

"Sure!"

I got us both some punch and we watch as Sanosuke tries his hardest to dance with Megumi, but the former kept stepping on her toes. Megumi keeps screeching at him to watch where he's stepping, trying to school him on how to do the waltz properly. Kaoru giggles as I watch her from the corner of my eye. She looks so beautiful tonight. Wearing a peach, body hugging dress that reflects glitter gold under the lights, her hair swept in a classy updo, and modestly applied makeup.. Kaoru is as every bit as lovely as her name. I sigh inwardly, feeling warm just standing next to her.

"Yoooo, any booze in here?" Yahiko and his date, Tsubame, comes up to us to check out the snacking area.

"No." Kaoru shakes her head, "We have to wait for the bone fire for that. And I am not going to drink with you guys. Sorry."

"More for us, then!" Yahiko wraps his arm around Tsubame, "Am I right, babe?"

"Yahiko, not here.." Tsubame covers her mouth and chin with her hand shyly, trying to hide her blushing.

"She's shy." Yahiko half shrugs, as if we couldn't see it from where we're standing.

"You don't say." I roll my eyes.

Before Yahiko can come up with a rebuttal, two people have joined us. I look and see that it's Soujiro, wearing the most spectacular three piece suit I've ever seen in my life. It fits him like a fucking glove. And his shoes shine to the point that it'd burn the retinas of all shoe obsessed women, I bet. Hanging on his arm, is Sayo Amakusa. Sayo is head of the student council, and she has some of the best grades in the entire school. Every year, in our yearbooks, she always gets voted the most likely to succeed and be rich with wealth. She comes from a more upper middle class, and hangs out solely with other well off students here. So, it's no surprise that they both agreed to go together. She and he have direct experiences in living wealthy; country clubs, under ground pools, extensive traveling, and designer clothes.

"Oh, my God," Kaoru gasps, "You two look so good tonight!"

"I love your dress, Sayochan," Tsubame also gasps to herself.

Indeed, Sayo is dressed to the nines in her sleek blood red dress, high heels, and hair styled by a professional. She smiles with her eyes only, "Thank you."

I tighten my eyes. For some reason, Sayo doesn't seem so open with Kaoru and Tsubame. I wonder if it's because Sayo knows how poor we really are compared to her and Soujiro.

"You guys enjoying yourselves?" Soujiro tilts his head with a smile, looking right at me for a hot second before he looks at everyone as they offer their answers, "Good. I'm glad we can come out here tonight."

"Soujiro, dear, maybe we should go talk to my friends. They have something to discuss with you that'll bore these kids to tears," Sayo laughs behind her hand, trying to be joking, but I can't help but detect a hidden note of sarcasm in there. I wonder if they're going to talk about _rich kids shit._

"In a minute, darling." Soujiro says without looking at her. Because he's looking right at me. I look back, grunting.

"Oh, what are you guys going to talk about?" Kaoru asks.

Sayo opens her eyes and smirks behind her hand, "Very boring stuff. Like money."

My stomach drops. I knew it.

".. Oh. Oh, I see," Kaoru suddenly looks a bit flushed, "Let's um, let's dance, Kenshin. I like this song!"

She takes me by the arm and we both walk away from the table. That was so fucking awkward. But what can I say? That's how the rich kids are like in this school. Though they are a far cry from the riches that Soujiro is blessed with, they have just enough money to flash it in our faces whenever they damn well please. Which pisses me the fuck off. The arrogance is enough to make me want to claw their eyes out. And I'll be damned if I'm going to let Soujiro and his tramp ruin this night for Kaoru. It's obvious she was looking forward to this for a while, and.. I'm going to show her a good time.

You'll see.

Especially you, Soujiro.

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 _To be continued._


	15. Ironic

_Author's_ _note:_ _Hello, lovelies! Hope you're all excited for this update because I worked hard on this. :3 I'm so excited for Christmas! What do you think you guys will get this Christmas? I know what I'm getting and it's a big ass makeup brush set from Morphe. A girl's gotta look Instagram-ready whenever she's out and about. I mean, I've always worn makeup for a long time now, but it would be nice to really hunker down on the techniques and using professional brushes, y'know? Oh look at me babbling away about something completely off topic, lol! Anyhoo, hope you all enjoy this chapter. Next update will be on Friday, December 28th. Might be a bit of a shorter chapter, because of the holiday business, but I will try my best!_

 ** _Rated M+ for graphic sexual content. Viewer discretion is advised._**

* * *

 _"_ _An old man turned ninety-eight.  
_ _He won the lottery and died the next day.  
_ _It's a black fly in your Chardonnay.  
_ _It's a death row pardon two minutes too late.  
_ _Isn't it ironic, don't you think?"_

 _\- Alanis Morissette_

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"Oh, Kenshin, they're playing my favorite song.."

I have one hand on the small of Kaoru's back and the other on the side of her waist. The speakers starts blaring a really old song that I remember Hiko used to play around the house when I was kid. "I Knew I Loved You", by Savage Garden. Being that I was born in 2000, I never got to experience the magic of the 90s like my much older peers got to enjoy. But I did played Hiko's older CDs when I was a kid, because then he would sing badly and off key and I would giggle at his silliness. Before the alcoholism took him, before he lost his job, before I had to grow up before it was necessary.. Music was what kept me going through the hard times.

 _Maybe it's intuition  
_ _But some things you just don't question  
_ _Like in your eyes  
_ _I see my future in an instant  
_ _and there it goes  
_ _I think I've found my best friend_

As Kaoru and I dance slowly in the middle of the gymnasium along with dozens of other couples, my eyes flicker over to the big table where the rich students sat. They all didn't want to dance to this song, opting to take the opportunity to discuss about other things instead. Things like money, where they went on a previous summer trip, the latest gadgets they got for their birthdays. Things that seemed millions of miles away from the world that I am used to. Soujiro is sitting next to Sayo, smiling politely as she talks a storm about all the nice things her rich daddy brought her over the weekend. I swallow the strange lump in my throat and closed my eyes, leaning my face against Kaoru's head.

".. Kenshin?"

 _I know that it might sound more than  
_ _a little crazy but I believe_

"I'm sorry," I lean my face away again, flushing, "I didn't mean to.."

 _I knew I loved you before I met you  
_ _I think I dreamed you into life  
_ _I knew I loved you before I met you  
_ _I have been waiting all my life_

Kaoru smiles and I can see a tint of pink rising on her cheeks, "It's okay. I just.."

I frown, waiting.

Her eyes flutter to the ground, "I just.. I just wanted to say.. thank you."

I gasp quietly, startled.

 _There's just no rhyme or reason  
_ _only this sense of completion  
_ _and in your eyes  
_ _I see the missing pieces  
_ _I'm searching for  
_ _I think I found my way home_

"Kaoru.." I didn't bother to finish my sentence, and instead bring her closer into my embrace, the smell of her shampoo and her mother's perfume filling up my senses. She smells so dainty and delicate, just like her features and her body and her womanly ways. She really is such a sweetheart, and I'm so happy that she got to be my date. Kaoru stiffened at first over this embrace, probably not used to this strange tender side of me. But she then relaxed into the embrace and we continue to slowly move our feet again, not really dancing but rotating in a circle as we held on to each other tightly.

 _I know that it might sound more than  
_ _a little crazy but I believe_

I like you, Kaoru.

I don't need Soujiro anymore.

 _I knew I loved you before I met you  
_ _I think I dreamed you into life  
_ _I knew I loved you before I met you  
_ _I have been waiting all my life_

I don't know what prompted me to open one of my eyes, but I did and from way ahead of us, I can see Soujiro now looking at me with an expression on his face that he pulled earlier tonight. The same face he made when Yahiko touched my shoulder when we were all at Sano's place. But this time, it's even deeper and more hurt. A shot of pain cracks into my chest and I bite my lower lip to prevent any pained noise from escaping. I really don't like how Soujiro looks. I almost feel sorry for him. I really do believe that he is in love with me, just like I am with him.

But..

 _Ooooooooh oooh ooooh  
_ _Ohhhhh ohh ohh  
_ _A thousand angels dance around you  
_ _Ooooooooh oooh ooooh  
_ _Ohhhhh ohh ohh  
I am complete now that I found you  
_

I close my eye again. I can't bare to look at him anymore. I shouldn't even care anymore. He doesn't want to be with me. Feelings be damned, right? If he can ignore his own feelings for me, then I ought to do the same. Because in the end? He's right. He has an entire fucking company looking up at him to take his father's place once he retires from the throne, and they need a suitable replacement. And who else, none other than his own son? The son who he took up at his apprentice since a very young age? It only makes logical sense. So, who am I to get in the way of that? So what if Soujiro wanted to be a veterinarian? Maybe he is right. Maybe making a lot of money is more important. With money, I can solve so much of my personal problems, as well as help my loved ones.

Money might be the root of all evil, but it's also the answer in defeating it at the same time.

.. I'm not making sense, am I?

 _I knew I loved you before I met you  
_ _I think I dreamed you into life  
_ _I knew I loved you before I met you  
_ _I have been waiting all my life_

"Kenshin, do you still think about Tomoe?"

I look at Kaoru again, startled, "W-what?"

Her eyes bore into mines somberly, "It's just.. I can tell just by looking at you. Your body language says it all. You're still in love with her. She's on her mind tonight.. isn't she?"

My eyes waver, "Kaoru.."

 _I knew I loved you before I met you_  
 _I think I dreamed you into life_  
 _I knew I loved you before I met you_  
 _I have been waiting all my life_

She laughs a little under her breath, looking at my stomach dejectedly despite her smile, "I understand, Kenshin, she's―"

 _"_ ― _Kaoru, shut up!"_

I take her chin with my hand to lift her face to mines, kissing her lips. Her lips that are so soft and buttery smooth. Her breath smells of mint and cinnamon, and her face feels like that of silk. I love how soft women are. Who needs men like Soujiro? I should be enjoying this, instead! Kaoru makes a muffled sound as I brush my lips against hers, and I could have sworn I can feel her heated blushing face against mines. She's not the only one feeling hot, though. We stay like that, lips locked together, for what felt like a long time. Through her lips, I can reminiscence the youth of the years gone by.

The years when things made sense.

The years when I had my step father.

The years when I was free.

When I was happy.

 _I knew I loved you before I met you  
I knew I loved you  
I knew I loved you before I met you  
I knew I loved you  
I knew I loved you before I met you  
I knew I loved you..  
_

I break the kiss softly, my eyes looking into her wet eyes. And instantly, my eyes flash towards the rich kids table. Soujiro's no longer there. Even Sayo is looking right at us with a strange expression on her face. What's her fucking problem? Where did Soujiro go? I look all around me, my eyes trying to find a lean brunet in a sea of many faces and slow flashing lights. But I can't see him anywhere. I look down at Kaoru and she is too busy looking down at herself with blushing cheeks, touching her lips with the tips of her fingers. Completely and utterly in disbelief at what I've done. I'll admit it, even I didn't know what came over me, either.

She finally looks up with hesitation, "K-Kenshin..?"

"I like you." I blurted out, my face flushing even harder, and she gasps with a squeak, her face reddening.

She gapes at me, and I at her in return.

".. Oh my God," Tears starts streaming down her face, "I.. I like you too, Kenshin!"

I fight back my own tears.

...

What am I doing?

Is this.. is this right?

Do I really..?

"Kenshin, are you.. are you asking me to be your.." She takes a hold of her other arm shyly.

"Y-yes!" I grasp her upper arms gently, "Yes, Kaoru, yes! Will you be my girlfriend?"

She sobs and embraces me, "Yes, Kenshin!"

My heart is beating a million miles per hour. That's a good thing to feel that, right? I mean.. it's not.. it's not with Soujiro. It's with Kaoru. This is who I'm supposed to be with. This is who I'm supposed to be. A ladies man. A guy with a girlfriend. Of course. This is the way it's supposed to be. This is the natural way. The correct way. The thing we should expect. What Soujiro and I shared was abhorrent and disgusting. Unnatural. Immoral. This is what I should be doing instead. This is what matters, right now, right here..

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"Kenshin.. don't cry. I'm yours now."

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"Where did Soujiro go?"

It was Yahiko who asked that just now. We were all standing just outside of the school building, taking a smoking break. Although Kaoru doesn't really smoke cigarettes, she lets herself have a few puffs from Megumi. Why do female friends have to share everything? It's cold as shit outside, but thankfully, Aoshi has a metal flask with vodka in his coat pocket to share with all of us. The perk of being older than all of us, I guess.

"Maybe he's in the bathroom taking a large dump." Sanosuke exhales, the smoke appearing like white smog into the darkness of the night.

"You really just say whatever comes to your mind, do you?" Megumi rolls her eyes.

"Well, when you marry me, I'll cut it out." Sanosuke winks at her, to which the latter gawks in shock.

"As if!" Megumi shrieks, and Kaoru giggles next to her.

"I think you two would make a perfect couple." Misao sighs dreamily, "Isn't that right, Aoshi?"

He just humphs and inhales his cigarette as a response. He's a man of a few words like that.

"I hope you like kids, because I want like ten of them." Sanosuke crackers his fingers absent mindedly.

"And who exactly is going to pick up after them?" Megumi sneers.

"You."

 _"Me?!"_

I smile to myself. This is just like the olden days when it was just us and no Soujiro. It's better like this. More natural, too. Two men together.. it's just not right. It'll never be natural. The smile fades from my face, looking at the ground and at all of our shoes. That's right. I have my friends and now I have a new girlfriend who is really just the sweetest and prettiest little thing. Why should I want Soujiro anymore at this point? Fuck him.

"It's too bad Tsubame can't make it to this trip with us." Yahiko pouts.

Still.. I do wonder where he actually did went.

Did he ran off after he saw me kissing Kaoru?

No way. Why would that bother him? We did agreed to be sexually monogamous together, but since he said he doesn't want me as his.. well, as his partner.. Then he and I are both allowed to have our own separate relationships. Right? But where does that leave us, sexually? I hope he doesn't try to fuck me while I'm in this relationship with Kaoru. I don't want to cheat on her. I would never hurt her like that. I want to be a good boyfriend to her. She has waited for God knows how many years for me to reciprocate her feelings back to her. She stood by me while I was dating Tomoe.. she stood by me when Hiko began to drink. She stood by me when I shared financial woes with her. She stood by me when I got into misfits at the tender age of fourteen, just to forget the pains back at home. She stood by me through everything..

So. Because of all of those things, it's only logical that I return the favor.

I'm not going to think about Soujiro anymore.

I'm going to focus on all of my attention on Kaoru, and Kaoru only.

"Hey, honey?" I take a step forward while taking off my brand new leather jacket, "You look cold. Here."

Everyone balks at me as I place my jacket over the shoulders of Kaoru, and even she looked at me like I just killed someone right in front of her. It's much colder now for me, but I don't care. She looked cold. So I gave her my jacket. Because that's what a good boyfriend does. Right? I did the right thing. I look back at everyone and the first one to react was Megumi, _"What the ever loving fuck did you just called Kaoru?"_

"My honey." I smile demurely.

".. Holy shit. You.." Sanosuke pointed his finger at me, and then pointed at Kaoru, "And you..?!"

Kaoru blushes, not saying anything.

"Oh my God. Oh my God!" Misao gushes, "You mean you guys?! You guys are dating now?!"

I shrug, "Call it whatever you guys want, but yeah. She's my girlfriend now."

The entire group, save for Aoshi, starts clamoring and shooting all kinds of questions left and right. Like how did we came up with this decision. Who asked who first. Did we always had feelings for each other. How will our parents react, especially Kaoru's. When will we have our first ever date together as a couple, and where would we go. Will we get married after high school ends. Will we have kids. What will we name our future children. I'll admit, even my mind doesn't stretch that far into the future yet. Marriage with children is something I'm shy about, thanks to my terrible experiences concerning my own parents. Is it really true that one can stay with only one person for the rest of their lives? It sounds almost too good to be true.

But for now, a relationship with a sweet girl is something I can handle.

At least.. I think I can handle it.

My phone vibrates, and my stomach drops. Is it..?

While the group surrounds poor Kaoru with all sorts of questions, I check my phone. It's a text message from Aoshi.

 **Forgive me if this is a douchebag thing to ask, but are you really sure you want to be Kaoru's boyfriend?**

 _What's it to ya? Yea of course I want to be her boyfriend. I like her._

 **I just find it strange that you suddenly want to be in a relationship. You're not exactly the monogamous type. Need I remind you of your own promiscuous past?**

 _What, so I'm not allowed to be in a relationship now because of my past?_

 **I wouldn't call it allowed. Just that I had a feeling you were seeing someone on the side for a while now.**

 _Well I wasn't!_

 **Don't lie to me. You would ghost us on weekends and we never know where you are. I don't buy you being busy with studying to suddenly ditch your friends. You're obviously sleeping with someone. And I'm not going to stand by and watch you hurt Kaoru while you sleep with that other person.**

My eyes flicker up to Aoshi's from across, glaring deeply at one another.

 _I won't hurt Kaoru._

 **Then don't. Because you're my friend, but you won't be exempt from an ass kicking if you do hurt her. Misao cares for Kaoru deeply, so it's only natural.**

 _You're a good man, Aoshi. Now mind your business._

The exit door from behind us open, and my heart starts thumping in my chest. It's Soujiro. He has a tint of red in his eyes from where I can see him, but he keeps an upbeat persona as he greets us all casually. Why were you crying, you idiot? You don't want to be with me. What was I supposed to do? He takes out his own cigarette to join us smoking, and we soon start discussing about the bonfire. It's quickly getting late into the night, and we should get going. It's going to be a long ride there. I wonder where Soujiro's date went. Did he ditched her? I would've done the same. She's such a stuck up, insufferable bitch.

"It's getting late. We need to get inside my van in order to make it to the motel before midnight." Aoshi exhales before ditching his cigarette.

"Man, I'm gonna be so beat when we make it there." Yahiko stretches and yawns, as if to make a point.

"Yeah.." Misao says in a low, tired voice.

"Let's get going, then?" Soujiro steps on his cigarette butt on the ground with his shoe, and we all agree to it soundly.

I make it a point to avoid his eyes as we all start entering the school building, one by one.

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Aoshi has this big van that his father gave him ever since Aoshi got his first license a few years ago. His father got himself a new car, but Aoshi didn't wanted him to get rid of the van. It's a really cool van, plenty of space for a lot of people to either sit somewhere in the front, or just lie down in the back where there's just nothing but the floor. Aoshi and Sanosuke already picked up all the wood for the bonfire the night before the dance, so that's good. Sanosuke sits in shot gun while Megumi and Kaoru sits behind them, sleeping away. Yahiko lies asleep on the ground, using his bundled up hoodie as a pillow. All of our duffel bags lie neatly all the way in the back, where I use them to support my back as I play a video game app on my phone. Kaoru is sitting right next to me, sleeping on my shoulder.

And Soujiro lies asleep just a few inches away from me. Every once in a while, my eyes would shift from my phone screen to the sleepy brunet. I really fucking hate admitting this after everything that's happened, but.. God, he looks so cute and defenseless when he's fast asleep. His little slender nose with his full rose lips, the way he eyelashes fan out against his cheekbones.. I blush, looking back down on my phone to continue beating the monsters in the game.

I wonder if Soujiro is going to make this trip awkward, now that he's seen me kiss Kaoru. I really hope not. If he has anything to say to me about us, he'll have to wait till we are alone again. As in, after the long weekend if over. He doesn't deserve any explanations from me. He most certainly does not deserve an apology from me, either. He's made up his mind about where we stand, and that's it. So, I'm allowed to date someone else just like he can, right?

Right.

 _"Winner!"_ my phone exclaims quietly in the background.

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I'm a winner, alright. When we all arrived at the motel, it is just over midnight. The air has dropped to a near freezing point, so we all try our best to hurry up with getting our belongings from the van and check in. We were lucky that the receptionist was so backed up in her work that she had no choice but to accept our late check in. The motel really isn't all that bad. Very basic and average, but comfy. Aoshi booked his own bedroom to share with Misao (ugh), and he booked a bigger room for Sanosuke, me, Yahiko, and Soujiro. The bigger rooms only has double beds.. which means that Sanosuke has to snooze next to Yahiko, and I'm forced to sleep next to Soujiro. The other bigger room is for the ladies, Megumi and Kaoru.

"Why can't we sleep next to the girls?" Sanosuke scowls at the beds in our room.

"Oh I'm sorry, I did not know you and Megumi had an established relationship." Aoshi's eyebrow cocks up at the tall brute.

Sanosuke flinches and laughs awkwardly, "R-right. We don't. Eh.."

Yahiko flutters his eyelashes playfully at Sanosuke, "Don't try anything. I'm waiting until marriage."

"Shut the fuck up." Sanosuke shoves Yahiko by his shoulder, making him chuckle.

"Keep it down," Aoshi turns around to take his leave, "I really don't feel like sleeping outside tonight. Good night."

"Night." We all say in union sleepily.

"Welp," Sanosuke cracks his knuckles, "Since there's nothing else to do or say.."

"Right. Let's just go to sleep." I turn around to the bathroom to use the toilet, "I'll be out in a minute."

"I call the left side!" Yahiko whispers as he rushes to the bed.

"Hey!" Sanosuke hisses after him.

I don't hear Soujiro say anything.

Like I said.. who cares about him anymore.

I just have to get through tonight with having to sleep next to him. That's all. It doesn't have to mean anything. He knows better than to make a move on me when we're so fucking close in proximity to Sano and Yahiko.

...

I come out of the bathroom and find that all the lights are out, save for a small night light that's turned on between the two double sized beds. Yahiko and Sanosuke are out like a light. Soujiro is also soundly asleep. At least, I think he is. I quietly tip toe to get on the other side of the bed, slipping through the covers gingerly so as to not arouse the brunet awake. I lie my head carefully on the cool pillow, feeling the heaviness of fatigue shutting my eyes close. I'm so exhausted. I hate long trips. I hope the bonfire tomorrow night will be lit. I smirk to myself silently. Ah ha ha ha. I'm such a great pun master..

...

 _"Kenshin."_

...

 _".. Kenshin?"_

...

 _"Kenshin.."_

...

My eyes flutter open, feeling something.. new. Wrapped around my waist and with my legs intertwined, I suddenly realize that Soujiro has come to snuggle up beside me. Did he do that in his sleep, or was he awake when he did that? Did I dreamed that he was calling out my name? Or was it all real? I can't tell anymore. It's so late and I'm so tired. But he can't sleep like this. I very carefully unwrap his arms away from my waist and try to shove his body away from me. But as it was said before at that house party, the guy's a lot heavier than he looks. So he just lies there by my side, his head resting on the crook between my neck and shoulder. Maybe I should shake him awake?

I start nudging his shoulder carefully, and whisper, "Soujiro.. Soujiro."

He groans sleepily, rubbing his cheek against the nook of my neck. I shiver. He smells so good. He feels so soft, for a boy.

"Soujiro!" I whisper a little harder.

He groans again, feeling his arm lifting up to rub his eye, "Whu..?"

"You're on top of me. Move." I whisper, taking care to keep the volume as low as possible. I don't want the other guys to hear us.

"Mn.." He moves away from me, stretching his entire body and rubbing his eye, "Whu time it is..?"

"To sleep. Goodnight." I turn around so that my back faces him, just to create as much distance as possible. Which is hard, being that this is only a double bed. I guess the bigger beds would've placed a dent on Aoshi's credit card, so this will have to do. God fucking dammit. I already wish this weekend vacation is over. I wonder if Soujiro is going to keep bugging me during winter break, when the school closes for Christmas and New Years. I hope his dad can take him for faraway travels so that I can focus on Hiko and my close friends instead. I can't take this stress anymore. It's killing me.

It's quiet for a few moments. Sleep fades into my mind. Then I feel Soujiro's weight move beside me, and he once again wraps his arm around the side of my waist, snuggling his cheek against the back of my head. I know I shouldn't, but.. I'm melting on the inside through this contact. I thought he would be nasty to me, after seeing me smooch Kaoru on the dance floor. But so far.. he's been nothing but affectionate and sweet. It makes me.. miss him all the more. My heart is thumping my chest, and my face feels hot with me blushing. I love Soujiro so much, but will he ever let me love him back?

I hear him sigh softly into my hair, and I too sigh contently.

...

No.

We can't do this. No way.

My eyes snap open and I carefully maneuver myself around so that I can face him and start to shake his shoulder again, "Sou."

His eyes flutter open, and though it's pretty dark in here, I can still see the beautiful blue in them, "Hm?"

"We can't snuggle like this."

"I know."

"So please move."

"I will.. under one condition," He suddenly moves in to kiss my lips, and I flinch back, "Meet me outside of the motel in two minutes."

I gape at him, ".. Why?"

"Please."

His voice sounds so sad and weak. My heart pounds painfully. I nod, "Okay."

He gets out of the bed slowly, carefully, silently, to avoid waking up the other boys. He leaves the room, and I lie on my back on the bed, just staring at the ceiling. What could he possibly want from me now? Is it even a good idea for me to go see him now? What if one of the guys heard us just now? Well, it's not like we said anything just now that would hint at us being together.. Well, apart from me saying something about snuggling together. Fuck. Fuck, fuck fuck! No, there's just.. there's just no way that they heard that. And if they do say something, I'll blame it on them being so tired and wasted that they might've heard things in their dreams. Yeah. That could work.

I think it's been two minutes. Time to see what's up.

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Soujiro and I are now outside of the motel, just right next to the small business office. Our rooms and our friends are just a few flights up of the stairs, so we both feel comfortably distant from what we used to know. But now, staring at one another, we've entered a different realm; the things we do not recognize, the symbols that haunted us, now coming to fruition with a pair of blue eyes and trembling lips.

".. Soujiro?" I try gently, and he hesitates.

"I.. I'm sorry, Kenshin."

I sigh, my shoulders deflating, "It's fine. We both said things we didn't mean. Things we did that just wasn't us. I understand everything now, Soujiro. I'm so sorry."

He and I stare at each other some more, our breaths white against the night air. It's so cold, but his eyes feel so warm just staring at my face out right. He is the sun to my moon. He and I take our time, shuffling our feet, staring at the ground, not knowing what to say.. until..

"Are you dating Kaoru now?"

I flinch, ".. I guess so."

He's quiet, and I watch his eyes opening wide as he looks at my shoes, pupils wavering. Then he blinks a few times to get it together and responds quietly, "Oh. I see. Well.. you guys look nice, together. I'm.. happy for you.."

"Yeah."

Silence.

"Do you want to.. um.." Soujiro shifts on his feet, swaddling side to side, giving me this cute little smirk, "Mess around?"

I scoff, chuckling, "Dude."

"Come on.. we'll be quiet. We'll find a place just a bit further from here."

"No. No. We can't. I.." I gulp, "That would be like, cheating on Kaoru.. right? And aren't you dating Sayo?"

"No. She's just for the dance. Didn't think you would take it as far as getting yourself into an actual relationship just to spite me." His smile looks so bitter as he says that. My heart is in so much pain, just by looking at him.

"I didn't," I shake my head, "I didn't get into a relationship just to spite you! I.. I like her. I like her a lot."

"More than you love me?"

Don't make me cry.

"Keep your fucking voice down, please!" I whisper, biting down a sob, "They'll hear us."

"From all the way up there?" He tilts his head, chuckling sadly, "Oh Kenshin. And you were the one who always used to say that we could be together in spite of everything. Now you understand what I'm going through. It scares you, doesn't it?"

I stare at him in shock, and then I shake my head, almost as if to erase the shit I'm hearing out of my head, "No! It's not like that at all!"

"Then prove it. Prove how much you love me. Right now. Come with me."

"Come with you where?"

"Just come."

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I know I shouldn't. I know I ought to do the right thing. And the right thing, is to go back upstairs and go back to sleep. To stay faithful to Kaoru. To be loyal to her, on my very first day as her boyfriend. I know better than to hurt her like this. I know that even Hiko would tell me not to go with Soujiro, especially as he plays with my heart strings like this. But looking into those eyes, those eyes that makes me freeze and melt at once.. I knew I couldn't say no. He takes my wrist and gently pulls me in to follow him, and we walked away from the motel, to go into the forest that's close by. I know better than this. I know that I should say no and to yank my arm away so as to go back. To run away and to keep lying to the whole wide world for both of our sakes.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't stay away.

 _"Hah.."_ I pant, clutching on the tree behind me with my two hands as Soujiro rubs his hard along with my hard on together, his fingers gripping with just the right intensity for the both of us. We have to be at least a few minutes into the forest, the only thing lighting our paths is the flashlights on our mobile phones. We keep them on and on full brightness on the ground, just so we can see each other. Soujiro quickens the pace, making me grit my teeth in pleasure, _"Fuck..!"_

"I missed you.. so much.." He shuts his eyes, moaning and then spitting onto both of our cocks for more lubrication.

Not even the best liquor in the world could make me feel as warm as this.

"Soujiro.. wait.. I can't.. hold it in.. any longer.." I whimper, and Soujiro slows down with his pumping, "T-thank you."

He giggles, "No problem. I want.. to enjoy this.. longer with you.. Kenshin.."

We continue at it for a few more minutes, until I feel myself mounting to the finishing line. When Soujiro senses this in me, he stops, letting our cocks go. I am out of breath from all the intensity of this moment, and now I see him turning around and fidgeting with his pants in order to open and pull it down to his knee caps. His perfect round ass tempts me more than any attractive female siren could ever do. I hastily grab his hips to pull him towards me, grabbing the base of my cock to aim into his hole, "S-Soujiro.."

He arches his back and cries out as I puncture into him, _"Fuck!"_

"Shh!" I hiss, plunging in deeper, the contracting heat putting me under a spell, "Keep it down.. fuck.."

He takes a moment to pause and recollect himself, ".. I'm sorry."

I bite my lower lip. What am I doing?! Already on my first fucking day of being someone's boyfriend, and I'm over here having sex with my best friend. My stomach drops at that thought. My best friend? Soujiro Seta, of the Seta Enterprise.. is my best friend? No. No, that's not true. That's Sanosuke. The guy who's been with me since I could remember what it was like to be alive. The guy who's seen me through thick and thin, and is still on my side after everything. Sanosuke Sagara, the guy who's cut from the same cloth as me. Who knows my struggles in life, and understands them. It's not Soujiro. It can't be him. He can't be my best friend. He just..

He looks over my shoulder, "Kenshin?"

"Hn?" I blink at him.

"Why'd you stop?"

I grimace at myself, "I.. I don't know. This isn't right, Soujiro. I can't do this with you anymore."

"Why not?" He sighs as he moves his hips back, fucking himself with my cock, "Hm?"

I grunt in pleasure, gripping the sides of his hips, digging my nails into his flesh, "Please..!"

"Please?" He smirks, continuing to hump against my hard on, and then he tosses his head back slowly with a moan, "Aw, yeah.."

"Soujiro, God damn―" I grab his upper arms to have him stand up straighter, my cock still inside of him, and I start to gnaw on the side of his neck hungrily. He groans in pain as I sink my teeth on the side of his neck, my tongue swirling over the wound at the same time. Ever since at that winter formal dance, I craved to be with him more than anything in the world. To touch him again, and feel my finger tips burn as it trails over his skin. It's only Soujiro who can arouse such passions inside of me. And I should hate him for that. I should abhor the sight of him just by making me feel these emotions..

But I can't hate him! Not anymore!

"Soujiro.. I love you. I know you said I shouldn't, but.. I love you." I wrap my arms around his chest, snuggling against his hair meanwhile.

"I know. I love you too."

It feels like a huge load of weight has lifted from my shoulders. Does this mean what I think it means? Are we going to be together now? But.. What about Kaoru? I don't know how we'll break the news to her, as well as to all of the others. I wonder how Hiko would react. I wonder how the entire school would act. It doesn't matter now, does it? Because I can at least be my most authentic self, and that's the most important thing. It's how I've always lived, with that principle clutched to my heart. I wouldn't accept living any less than that. I refuse to live under false pretenses just to make other people feel better. Fuck that noise.

I lean away from his hair, "Are we together now?"

"Will you leave Kaoru if I said yes?"

My heart thumps in my chest. I don't like knowing that I will hurt one of the most important people in my life.

But..

"Kenshin?" Soujiro turns towards my face a little.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll.. I'll do it. I'll break up with her."

"When?"

"When the day breaks, I'll.. I'll talk to her."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"Swear?"

I smirk, "I swear it."

He then moves my dick out of his hole, careful to not rip any skin with any rapid movements, "I propose a contest."

"Oh?" I shiver from a cold gust of wind passing my exposed lower body now, "Which is..?"

"Let's masturbate together. Who ever cums first loses."

"What's the prize?"

"You'll see." He winks with his tongue out.

In the next few moments, we were just standing side by side and kissing each other while fapping ourselves. We take it slow, trying to beat the other one to this game, but it is proven difficult the longer time drags on and the more our kissing turns each other on. Soujiro tries to suck on my tongue as a way to tease my orgasm to come sooner, and I'd slip a free hand under his hoodie to fiddle with his sensitive nipple. After several passing, we couldn't hold on anymore and both cum pretty much at the same time, leaning back on the large tree behind us so that we wouldn't fall over.

"Guess we both lose." I pant, wiping the sweat off of my brow.

"That felt so good." Soujiro whispers with a self satisfied (or cold?) shiver.

"Let's go back inside before we catch our deaths out here," I pull up my pants and watch as Soujiro does the same with his, "And let's try to be quiet."

"Right with ya." He nods as he follows my lead out of the forest with our mobile flashlights.

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 _"Can I cuddle with you, Kenshin?"_

 _"Heh. Okay."_

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The sun hits my eyes, rousing me to wake up. I grumble and groan, rubbing the sleepiness from my face with the back of my fist. Fuck. What time is it? I reach for my phone on the night stand next to the bed, switching it on. It's almost noon. Holy shit, did I slept a lot. I turn my head to the other side and still find Soujiro snoozing away. Huh. Guess I'm not the only one who overslept. I look at the next bed over to find it empty. Wonder where they all went? I frown, carefully sitting up and shaking Soujiro awake, "Hey. Good morning."

He groans and grabs my wrist to stop me from shaking him, "Noooo.."

I chuckle under my breath, "Wake up, dummy. It's noon."

"Who caressss.." He drones, rubbings his face into his pillow as a sign of protest.

I let him sleep, watching him with a tired smile on my face. I check my messages and find one text message from Aoshi: **We all woke up and went to get breakfast. We will pick up something for you and Sleeping Beauty.**

I find another text message and it's from Kaoru: **Good morning love! xoxo I thought you looked so cute sleeping there soundly, so don't you worry. :D I will make sure you and Souji will be fed when we return. Text me when you're awake. :3**

I deflate. Oh Kaoru. I just cheated on you. I can't believe my relationship with her is already coming to an abrupt end. It's not so much that it's because I actually like her in a deep romantic sense.. but it's because I know this will break her heart and she really doesn't deserve that. But at the same time, she deserves to be with someone who could actually love her the way she deserves to be loved.

"Are they picking up food for us?" Soujiro stretches.

"Yeah. Let's go downstairs to take the public showers."

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In the shower facility, there are open spaces and many shower heads aligning in a row. Kinda like your typical high school locker room if yours has a shower. We were given rubber sandals because germs kill, y'all. Soujiro was kind enough to share between us his bottles of his luxurious shampoo and conditioner. I rinse off said shampoo from my hair, watching as Soujiro washes his own hair nearly a foot away from me. His body is truly magnificent. I can't wait to have a taste of him when we return home to Kyoto. I'm going to fuck him raw and dry. I bite my lower lip as I feel myself stiffening. Phew. Man. He's hot. Okay. Calm down, Kenshin. Not here. Not while your friends are so fucking close..

"Hey there, lover boy," Soujiro winks flirtatiously at me, waving his hips at me, "Woooh."

I roll my eyes, "Shut up, will ya?"

He laughs and we continue to bathe ourselves. More men would come in to also take showers along side with us, and so Soujiro and I had to pretend that we don't know each other. I wonder if this is how life will be like if we actually were to be together. Do we have to hide it from strangers? Japan has come a long way with how they view homosexuality, but I can't say we're that liberal about it either. It's still a social taboo, really.

After we were done and got dressed, we head back upstairs to chill in the bedroom. Soujiro has the television on to watch the local news with a cup of coffee, while I also drink a cup of coffee out on the tiny balcony. See, this motel is not so bad! Looking out, I can see endless stretches of trees and faraway mountains that surely we would never reach by foot. But the view of it from here is nothing short of magnificent. I take a sip of my coffee, savoring the heat. It's nice and nippy out, but not too cold that the bonfire would be a disaster. I hope the bonfire is a success, in more ways than one. I hope Soujiro behaves himself, and I hope I can control myself too. I hope nobody notices the chemistry between us. I'm hoping for so many things right now.

I come back inside to catch Soujiro still watching TV idly, "Did they called?"

"Nah. Did they texted you?"

"No." I frown, "Maybe they went shopping."

"Without my fat wallet? Lame."

I walk on over to sit next to him on the edge of the bed, looking at the TV screen, "Excited about the bonfire?"

"You bet!"

"I wonder if I should text them to get marshmallows." I pull out my phone and start texting Aoshi.

"I haven't done that in ages!" Soujiro falls on his back, "This is gonna be so much fun!"

I chuckle, looking over my shoulder at him, "Yeah."

This is nice. I'm glad we've reconciled and worked things out together.

"Hey Kenshin.. How are you going to break up with Kaoru?" He bends his arms behind his head, staring at the ceiling above him, "Just wondering."

I sigh, also lying down on my back next to him to stare at the ceiling too, "I don't know. I feel like it'd be too awkward to do it while we're all here."

He grunts, "So.. No breaking up this weekend, huh."

I shrug, "Yeah. Sorry."

"It's okay. As long as you do it soon afterward, I'm not stressing."

"You are such a jealous lover, you know that?" I smirk.

"Yeah, well," He reaches down to stroke the front of my jeans, making me flinch with a startled cry, "This? Is mine, and mine alone. She can't have it."

"Cut it out!" I slap his perverted hand off of me, "What if they walk in and see us?"

"We'd hear the door and act like nothing is happening." He giggles.

"You're impossible." I roll my eyes.

"I wuv you." He bristles at me playfully. I kinda had to smile a bit.

"Hey, Soujiro?"

"Yeah?"

".. Wanna make out?"

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Our friends came back later on and we all decided to go on a small hike. Nothing too crazy. We just wanted to check out the woods for a bit. We all made sure to dress up nice and snug and packed some water and a light lunch in there too. We had fun, talking and laughing and observing the nature. We went deep enough that we found a small creek. We decide to stop and rest here for a bit, and Sanosuke challenges Yahiko to a rock skipping contest. Because we're adults like that. Kaoru is taking Polaroid photos of every little flower she'd find, and I'd walk along side with her to point out anything she might like to capture. Megumi is doing some stretching or weird yoga poses meanwhile and tries to teach Misao how to balance herself. Aoshi just smokes and watches all of us.

Soujiro sits on a rock near the creek, just a bit away from all of us, watching the water run. I make sure not to stare at him for too long.

"I win, motherfucker!" Yahiko whoops into the air with his fists, jumping like a little spaz.

"No fair, your rocks weighed lighter than mines!" Sanosuke gripes, "I want a rematch!"

"Will you two grow up already?" Megumi groans, Misao agreeing with her soundly.

"We should get going soon." Aoshi steps on his cigarette, because forest fires is bad news bears.

"We haven't eaten the lunch yet!" Yahiko dramatically points with his open palms towards our packed belongings.

"Fair enough, let's eat and then move." Aoshi steps away from the tree he was leaning on. We ate and chit chatted about random shit. Soujiro is kinda quiet through out all of it, but he would smile and respond if anyone asked him a question. I wonder what's on his mind. Is he sad that he has to see me be Kaoru's boyfriend for the rest of the weekend? I guess I could see why that would suck so much. But man, I can't wait till we all get to go home and I can actually be his.. I gulp a part of my sandwich uneasily. His partner. His boyfriend. Oh God. It sounds so weird when I say it! But.. It's actually kinda nice at the same time. Boyfriend. I start to chuckle under my breath, catching Kaoru's attention next to me.

"What's so funny?" She giggles.

I shake my head, smiling her way, "Nothing."

I can't help but feel Soujiro's eyes burning through the back of my head. Patience, Soujiro.

We'll be together soon.

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 **[Bonfire]**

Don't ask me how we got the fires burning from the chopped wood. All I know is that Aoshi brought a small tank of lighting fluid, a lighter, and made Sanosuke spit on the wood with hot sauce. The whole thing became alive with fire instantly when they both did that. We had to go back to the forest after we ate supper to have the event, and everything went great. As the fire roars higher into the sky, Megumi starts to gather the supplies of sticking the marshmallows into twigs before handing them to all of us. We were lucky to have made the bonfire in the middle of several rocks that circled it, so we all had a comfortable place to sit and roast the marshmallows over the flames. Yahiko passes us his bong meanwhile. I, of course, sat between Kaoru and Soujiro, making sure I don't look at him too much. It's kind of hard to, though; the flames makes his face so much prettier than before.

Come on, Kenshin. Just get through tonight, tomorrow, and Monday, and we'll be back to Kyoto.

"Dude, take your fucking marshmallow out, you're going to char it!" Sanosuke bellows out angrily and Yahiko takes his own twig away from the flames.

And he's right. The marshmallow has been burnt to a crisp. Still, Yahiko shrugs and smiles sheepishly, "Gives it that extra crunch, ya know?"

"Tch!" Sanosuke snorts.

"Oh, don't be such a sourpuss," Megumi takes a bite of her cooked treat, "We have plenty of where that came from. So what if he burned his first one?"

Yahiko tries to take a bite of his creation, wincing, "Okay, I was kidding. This is bad."

We all laugh at him, making him deflate like a little kid.

"Did you sleep well last night, Kenshin?" Kaoru asks me off guard, and I whimper painfully as I accidentally take too large of a bite into the red hot treat of mine, "Ah! Are you okay, honey?!"

"Next time, blow on it." Aoshi smirks in my direction, crossing his arms in front his chest coolly as Misao feeds him the marshmallow like she's his slave or something. Bastard.

I hold my burned lips, "Yeah.. I think so."

"Let me see your mouth.." Kaoru leans closely to cup my face in her hands, inspecting it.

I blush, knowing all too well who's right behind us and watching me. Please don't throw me in the fire, Soujiro! She started it!

"I don't see anything.." Her eyes soften, "Maybe I should kiss it."

I freeze internally. Should I let her? Soujiro would chew my ass out over this if I let her. But at the same time, if I reject her, how will that look to everybody else? Ugh, this sucks! I mean, I don't mind kissing Kaoru. She feels and smells nice to cuddle and kiss. It's the fact that now that my heart secretly belongs to Soujiro.. It's like I'm cheating on him right back in return of what we both did last night. I feel so cheap. But I gulp, closing my eyes, letting her lean in and kiss my burned lips. God fucking dammit.

"Awwww, oh my gosh!" Misao gushes across from us.

"Woohoo, Kenshin! Get it!" Sano whoops. Kill me.

I lean back to break the kiss, smiling painfully, "Thanks, babe."

Oh my God.

"You're such an asshole."

That was what Soujiro whispered to me later on that night when everyone has gone to bed. We both had waited until we were sure that the two guys sleeping across from us wouldn't be able to hear our private conversation. We had enjoyed the bonfire for a few hours after that embarrassing incident, but I could tell Soujiro's entire mood was ruined for having to witness me kissing Kaoru again. I mean, what choice did I have? It's either I kiss her and have everyone be none the wiser of what I'm really up to, or I reject her kiss and create drama where none is needed. I smartly chose the former for a reason. I didn't wanted to come out yet with Soujiro. I still need time to prepare.

"I know." I whisper back, rubbing my face into my pillow, as if ashamed.

Silence.

"But.. You did good." I can hear Soujiro smirking in the dark, "I would've done the same."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay."

"Let's just.. get through this weekend as best we can, okay?"

"Okay." Soujiro reaches out to touch my hand, "I love you."

My heart thumps and I smile weakly, "I love you too."

"Sweet dreams."

"Okay, stop being mushy." I bite down my chuckle, and Soujiro does the same.

"Okay."

"Kiss me before I sleep." I simper, and he carefully moves over so that we kiss each other on the lips chastely, legs intertwining. It feels so good to be able to sleep next to Soujiro on this trip. I'm glad I could have at least this to look forward to each night during our trip.

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The trip went well. On Sunday, we drove out to the shopping mall that Aoshi talked about back in Kyoto, and brought some stuff. Soujiro paid for it all, of course, and I can't help but feel guilty. He's done so much for me, it's insane. He gave my stepfather a job, clothes and food for my friends, helping me with school, and not to mention.. Loving me even though I don't deserve it. The more he gives, the more I fall for him. And the more I take, the more I want to return the favor. On Monday afternoon, we all drove back home and Aoshi dropped us all off at our respective houses. He let off Soujiro first before the rest of us, sorta as a token of appreciation for picking up the extra tabs on Sunday. We shared our good byes with a secret smile to each other, and that was it.

I miss him so much already.

 **hey soujiro**

 _yeah? (;_

 **you busy today?**

 _huh? oh no, not really._

 **is your dad home?**

 _he left for a business meeting. said he'll sleep over somewhere else. i think he met someone. why you ask? ;)_

 **you winking means you know exactly what i'm thinking.**

 _i wanna see it in writing._

I bite my lower lip, hardening. I'm sitting on my bed at home after Aoshi dropped me off. And although school is out for everyone, the adults still have to work in their jobs. Which means Hiko isn't home and neither is Soujiro's father. Which gives us ample opportunities to fuck around together. That long weekend away from his hole proved difficult. I'd hate to that again after this. I have to see Soujiro as soon as possible.

 **i want to fuck you. let me come over.**

 _give me an hour so that i can shower and set up our little play room. see you at my front door._

Alright, swell. I have to take a shower as well. I really did not felt like getting naked in front of Sano and the other guys in the public shower stalls. Although I know that there's no evidence of me having had sexual relations with Soujiro during the trip (just that first night together), it still feels like I'm baring too much already. I guess Soujiro felt the same, because he skipped that too. We just told everyone that we just wanted to leave and shower in our own bathrooms comfortably. Luckily, nobody raised any alarms or concerns.

Megumi did pointed out a small bruise on the side of Soujiro's neck, though. He laughed and told her it was from Sayo, and although she didn't looked like she brought it.. she shrugged and moved on.

We really have to be fucking careful next time. That was a close call.

I took a shower, shaving my face and brushing my teeth meanwhile during it. I wash my hair and actually took the time to comb it through. Which, without some the moisturizing aid of a conditioner, was a bit of a challenge. I grit my teeth painfully as I comb through every snarls and tangles. Afterwards, I sprayed some deodorant that belonged to Hiko, since he brought a new can that smells unusually pleasant. I check myself in the mirror, wiping the fog off of it with my hand. I check my face for any patches of stubble that I might've forgotten, and did the touch ups from over the sink. I check my nails, deciding I want to clip them. I even went through the trouble of applying an aftershave on my face and neck, just so I can smell better. I had a difficult time finding just the right outfit, too.

Yeah. I don't understand what's going on with me, either.

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 **the copy of the house key is under the potted plant on your right next to the front door. ;)**

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I open and close the door behind me to the mansion, setting the copy key inside my jean pocket. The mansion seems so quiet, it's spooky. I wonder where Soujiro is. Maybe he's waiting for me upstairs in his bedroom. Even though he said his father has gone to work, I still feel hyper vigilant. I walk into the living room, looking around suspiciously. Hopefully the cleaning team and any butlers or maids are gone, too. The kitchen looks empty as well. I sigh, feeling a little more relaxed. Satisfied, I climb up the rotating stairs to go up a level. I walk towards Soujiro's bedroom door, feeling myself hardening and my breath shaking. Well, here goes nothing.

Why am I so nervous still?

I open his bedroom door, "Soujiro?"

"Hi."

My eyes snap open, startled at what I'm seeing: Soujiro, sitting on his canopy bed, completely stark naked and surrounded by a wide variety of different BDSM toys. Looks like he's prepared for an entire day of fun. I gulp dryly, closing the door behind me, "Holy mother of fuck."

"Language!" Soujiro taunts me playfully, brows furrowed and a smirk. Gah, he's adorable!

He instructs me to take off all my clothes, and I smile deviously, doing what he says. I then walk on over to sit down in front of him on his bed, looking at all the toys surrounding us. There's so much to choose, I don't know how to begin with this. I let my eyes dance around, taking my sweet time. Soujiro quietly waits for me, smiling. I hum to myself as I look around again: Glass butt plugs. Anal beads. Leather whip. A flogger. Handcuffs. Nipple clamps (hello old friend!). Dildos of different sizes and colors. A "thug double fucker", which looks like a dildo on a ring for my own cock to slide in and that way, I can do double penetration on him. _Whew!_ Tit suckers. Duct tapes. Ropes. And..

What's this?

I lean on my side to retrieve an item and I inspect it carefully. It's like a thin silver rod, around 6 inches long. I blink, feeling lost.

"Oh that," Soujiro leans forward, "That's a sounding rod."

"Sounding rod?"

"Mmm-hmm." His smile spreads and his eyelids lower, "Sounding is a type of sex act where you place this thing inside your urethra."

I balk, "What the fuck? That's crazy!"

"Wanna try it?"

I blush deeper, "Dude, no! I like my dick!"

He doubles over laughing, "Oh my God! I meant, on me!"

My eyes grow wider, "Y.. You want me to.. insert this inside your..?!"

He sits back, spreading his legs, "Take lots of lube from that bottle next to you. It'll be fun. I promise."

 _(To be continued)_


	16. Boys

_Author's_ _note:_ _Hey all, hope you have a wonderful weekend! SO yeah, I don't know what happened, but I couldn't log in to this stupid website, so hence why I couldn't post this on Wednesday. I've also decided that if any of you have a Tumblr, that I should drop my side blog URL so that we can freely discuss more Kenshin/Soujiro stuff rather than keeping it in the comment section. Just an idea, LOL. :-)_

 _Hope you enjoy this update!_

* * *

 _"_ _I was busy thinking 'bout boys  
_ _Boys, boys  
_ _I was busy dreaming 'bout boys  
_ _Boys, boys  
_ _Head is spinning thinking 'bout boys."_

 _\- Charli XCX_

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"I don't know, Soujiro," I blush, holding the sounding rod in one hand and the bottle of lube in my other hand, "I don't want to hurt you.."

"You won't. I won't let you." Soujiro chuckles.

The room is spinning inside my head. I can't believe Soujiro is _this_ kinky in real life. I mean, I guess in a lot of ways, I am pretty lucky that a hot guy like him is into a guy like me. I don't have a lot to offer, for sure. And yet, here is this pretty billionaire; A sex crazed maniac on this bed, legs spread and ready for a pounding by me. I can feel that familiar pulse in my groin region and bite down my groan, shutting my eyes. Okay, I think I'm ready. I have never even heard of sounding rods before or the activity of sounding, especially not on another dude.

"Just tell me what to do." I gulp.

"Okay. First, I want you to warm me up. Let's kiss. Touch me down there. Get me rock hard."

Fucking hell. I open my eyes and before I could even think, my body reacts immediately to him and I crush my lips against his. We start frenching, the sound of saliva swishing into each others' mouths and moaning infecting the area. Before long, I trail my kisses from his jawline and to his neck, sucking on it. Soujiro bites his lower lip but I can still feel him flinching and sighing in pleasure. After sucking on his pert nipples and trailing my tongue over his naval, I go down on him, touching myself meanwhile. Like I said, I can't believe any of this is happening. If you would have told me to my face that a year from now that I'll be doing this with another guy, I'll knock you out so hard you'll have to go to the nearest emergency room.

But this? This is better than any girls I've been with before.

Maybe..

Maybe I am gay?

I choke on that realization, quickly coming up from deep throating Soujiro and started coughing.

Soujiro touches my face, alarmed, "Kenshin, are you okay?"

I take a couple of shaky breaths, nodding, "Yeah.."

"Did you choked on it?" He asks me in all seriousness, without a hint of mockery in his voice.

I look up and into his eyes, "It's just.. I.."

His eyebrow cocks up, waiting.

"Are you.. um.." I blush, feeling shy already, "Are you.. gay?"

He hesitates, eyes widening. But his face soon softens up and he nods, "Yeah. I'm gay."

"So.. you don't like girls. You were only.. pretending.."

"Yeah. I mean. It's weird. I thought I could.. like girls. And I tried to. I even had sex with one. But ultimately.. my mind wasn't really into it. It's hard to explain, really. It's like.. It's like I'm using her as a masturbation tool rather than as a person. Because all I could think about was think of other men in order to get me off. I guess that's how I knew."

I looked into his eyes, "Do you think.. I could be gay, too?"

"Honestly? I don't know. It's going to take time for you to find out what or who you're really into. Maybe you're bisexual?"

"Maybe.." I look down on his cock, biting my lower lip, "I guess it doesn't matter. I'm with you right now."

"Exactly."

After sucking him off for a few more minutes, I grab a glob of lube and rub it all over his cock. I rub the rest of the lube on the six inch sounding rod, gulping. I hope I don't fuck this up like the complete idiot I am. I can't have Soujiro travel to the emergency room with this shit destroying his urethra and having him explain that it's because his boyfriend tried to fuck him with it.

"Now," Soujiro sits up and scootches closer to me, "Take the tip of the rod and rub it in the slit of my head. Can you do that?"

I exhale shakily, "I think so!"

He chuckles, "Don't worry. I'll coach you."

 _Why the fuck is this happening?!_

"Okay. So I just..?" I take the end of the sounding rod to the slit of his cock and rub it up and down, almost as if the lips of his hole glides on the rod.

"That's it.." Soujiro says in a lower tone, breathless. I continue to do so, licking the sides of his hard on meanwhile. He shakes, "Mmm, yeah.."

I wonder if I should finger him at the same time? I grab the bottle of lube to pour more into my hands and the rod, along with the head of Soujiro's cock. Gotta lube up as much as possible for something this freaky. Thankfully, Soujiro doesn't ask and just sits there with his eyes closed. Relaxing, I guess. I pour more secretly on two of my fingers and got right to it. I rub the tip of the sounding rod through his slit and very, very carefully push one centimeter into it. Soujiiro makes a meek sound, but relaxes. I push it in a bit more, until I freak out, "Uh uh, nope, I can't do this."

"Sure you can." Soujiro smiles, still not opening his eyes.

"I'm scared it'll rip you on the inside."

"Like I said.. I won't let you."

I sigh defeatedly, "If you say so.."

I now rub my two wet fingers over his inner thighs and down the area between his scrotum and ass hole, and Soujiro moans, knowing exactly what is happening. He leans back and spreads his legs further to let me gain access to his ass. I grin, brushing his hole with my fingers as I also slowly move the rod down inside his dick. Man, this is the hottest thing I've ever done in my life. I wonder if he can still cum while the rod is inside his dick? Well, I guess I'll find out. I continue to lick him as I push the rod bit by bit, taking my sweet time. Meanwhile, the first centimeter of my fingers enter him, making him arch his back with a groan.

I want to give him his biggest orgasm yet.

"You are so amazing.." Soujiro sighs, catching me off guard.

"Huh?" I feel my cheeks flushing.

He chuckles, eyes still closed, "I'm just so happy to have you in my life, that's all."

I blush harder, looking down as if to evade his gaze, "T-thanks.."

My fingers are now completely in his ass and the rod is all the way inside of his hard cock. I stop licking him and focus on finding his prostate gland, watching lustly as Soujiro breathes and moans deeply each time I hit it. I look at his cock twitches up and it holds in that position, thanks to the sounding rod, and would every so often lick the head for another shock of pleasure. I can't wait till I get to see the final result from all of this.

 _"Hah, oh yeah.."_ Soujiro arches his back even more, and I push my fingers inside of him down to my knuckles, _"Hah!"_

I bite down my own groan from the beauty I am looking at in front of me, focusing instead on my hand coordination. I wonder what his male lovers in the past were like. My stomach feels hot and sour at that thought, already jealous. I bet I can be better than all of them. I'll prove it so today. He's going to be having buckling kneecaps and unable to walk after this. I thrust my fingers in faster, spitting on his cock and licking around the top of the sounding rod. Soujiro gasps and flinches, his groans a strange octaves higher than what I am used to.

"That feels.. oh my god," Soujiro finally opens his eyes to stare helplessly down at me, "That was so, _OH!"_

I come up and grab his chin to force a kiss on him, tongues fighting each other again. God, I want to fuck him so hard. You know what? Fuck this, I will. I retreat my fingers from his asshole and grab the sides of his hips to drag him closer to my lower body. In one forceful thrust, my cock is already all the way in, making Soujiro writhe with a high pitch gasp. I start fucking him, the entire bed hitting the wall continuously as I bang into Soujiro's hot body. You're mine, Soujiro. I'll make you my whore and no one else's.

"Kenshin, arrgh, god!" Soujiro wraps his arms around my neck, "This feels so good!"

"Your hole feels so fucking wet," I pant with a smirk, "I'll make it wetter with my cum. You'd like that a lot, huh bitch?"

"Mmm, yeah!"

I pump into him for a couple more minutes before I slide my cock out, grabbing him by the shoulders, "Sit on my cock and face the other way."

He does as he is told. I sit on the edge of his bed and have him sit on my hard on, with him facing forward. He reaches his arm behind to grab my hair, crushing his lips into mines, moaning as I pump into him over and over again. I reach down to gently stroke his cock, teasing his tip where the rod is sticking out, and sighing the more his hole contracts around me. This feels incredible. I think I'll cum buckets if this keeps up.

"Kenshin.." Soujiro bites my lower lip, "Take the rod and pump it in and out of me. Slowly."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" He nearly squeals, kissing me again feverously, probably about to cum any hot second now, "Do it!"

I grab the top of the rod, which has a circular shape to it so that I can grab onto it comfortably. Very, very carefully, I slide it out, holding the base of his cock with my other hand to hold it still. Once a few inches were out, I push it back in, groaning in the back of my throat at how Soujiro grinds against my cock at the same time. My heart is about to give out any minute now, I swear. This is really the hottest thing I've ever done in my life. To think you could actually enter something inside a cock boggles my fucking mind. But I'm actually really into it.

"I bet Kaoru wouldn't let you do this to her." Soujiro teases me, trailing the side of my face with his finger tauntingly.

I shrug before grabbing a fist of his hair to have him lean forward, then with one foot on the bed frame, I am able to thrust into him faster and harder, leaving him moaning and half-screaming from the pleasure, "Quit talking shit."

 _"Ha! I'm going to c.."_ He tries to reach for my wrist that is grabbing onto his hip, _"Kenshin, I'm going to cu, ugh!"_

 _"Cum then."_ I sigh in pleasure, slamming myself into him, the sound of clapping flesh echoing in his vast bed room. Fuck, he feels so good.

"Take out.. take out the.." Soujiro's words fail him as he almost reaches the finishing line.

I stop, taking the base of his neck to sit him up and straight again, and gingerly take the rod out of his cock. One excruciating centimeter at a time. Soujiro looks like a child who is damn near close to peeing on a car seat, whining and wiggling. Once the rod is all the way out, I continue to fuck him harshly for several more minutes, when suddenly, I see something I have never seen before; Soujiro yelps helplessly as clear liquid shoots out of his cock in intervals. It'll stream out for a second or two, stop, and then it starts again. Is he squirting?!

That is so hot!

I gnaw on the back of his neck, "God yeah, keep doing that."

"What's happe.. UGH!" He flinches as another stream of liquid shoots out of him, making him sob a little, "Oh my God, oh my God! It tickles!"

His cock continuously squirts as I gently rock my hips into him, fucking him. It took at least a couple of minutes until he stops squirting, and he falls limply behind as I wrap my arms around him, "Let's take a shower, Soujiro."

He shivers, "O-okay.."

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 _"Hah! Kenshin! Oh, yes!"_

We're now in his huge walk shower, the water nice and steamy against our naked flesh. Soujiro is bent over the seating area of the shower while I stand behind him, plummeting into his ass over and over again. He bites onto his own wrist and whine helplessly, my fingernails on the brink of cutting into the skin of his hips. I tilt my head back and groan, reveling in all of this heat that surrounds me. I never want this to end.

Now all I need to do is break up with Kaoru.

At that splitting thought, I stop humping, my eyes snapping open to look at the shower heads above me. That's right. I have to dump Kaoru if I want to continue to do this with Soujiro. To be with him, actually. To be his legitimate partner, and to be romanticlaly involved with him and only him. And in order to do that, I have to hurt a very close, life long friend. I look down at Soujiro who is now looking over his shoulder, blinking curiously at me as to why I stopped.

"You alright?" He smilles, and I hesitate. He looks so cute when he smiles. And wet. And naked.

"Yes.." I reply in a husky whisper, restarting my thrusting slowly, and Soujiro shuts his eyes with a stifled moan.

If I have to break up with Kaoru, I have to use a very convincing reason for it. I don't want her or the gang to be suspicious of me and Soujiro. Even though I want to be Soujiro's boyfriend (heh), I still think it might be jumping the gun to come out of the closet together so quickly after. It'd be best to wait till Soujiro and I go to a university far from here and then come out to our loved ones. At least then, we'll have the sufficient physical distance for us all to calm down from the news and not have anything crazy happen. You know? It would be better that way.

Because if they can't accept it..

Then..

At least.. At least I'll have Soujiro in my arms to get me by.

And he'll have me to lean on, too.

Soujiro couldn't cum because of those squirtings earlier, so we decided to just shower regularly instead. Afterwards, we went downstairs to the kitchen to have a bite. Soujiro hands me a cup of chocolate pudding and himself a vanilla one, and we head to the living room to watch some TV. Maybe some cool down is needed to go for another round. I wanna see Soujiro cum with white semen rather than.. whatever that shit was that happened on his bed.

"So when are you dumping Kaoru?" Soujiro beams at me in between eating his pudding.

I smirk, "You seem giddy about that."

"Sure I am. Now we can be together forever." He bats his eyelashes at me playfully, making me roll my eyes.

"Five-ever." I taunt him back, and he lies his head on my lap so that I can stroke his hair, "Dork."

We completed our puddings, and continued on watching television. I continue stroking his hair absent mindedly, to which he responds by stroking the back of said hand and arm of mine. This feels so nice and normal and natural. I haven't really done much with Kaoru during the trip except hold her hand and kiss her cheek and lips chastely a few times. I made sure Soujiro didn't catch those, though it was hard; that boy looked at me like a hawk for the entirety of the trip. Ah, to be young and jealously in love.

"I'll break up with her the next time I see her. I promise."

Soujiro sits up to kiss my lips. My desire turns on full fledge and I start making out with him, my cock already stiffening. Soujiro can feel this from under his butt, so he pulls back to smile teasingly at me, "Looks like you're ready for round two."

"Let's take this upstairs then." I carry him bridal style and haul him off, going up the stairs and back into his bedroom. I laid him down on his bed and continue to make out with him, both of our cocks swelling and poking against each other. I wonder what else I can do to Soujiro's body today. Perhaps the colorful assortments that are styling lying in a circle will help me. I stop kissing him and nuzzle my nose against his nose bridge, "Honey, what would you like from all those toys?"

"Huh? Oh, um.. I think.. do you wanna DP me?"

"DP-what-now?" I blink in a flurry.

He giggles, "Yeah, double penetration."

"Oh. Um. How will I.. do that?"

"Taaaaaaake.. that toy." He points to a smooth ivory toned dildo, which has a fake pair of testicles with a hole through it.

I blink, reaching over and playing with it with my hands, "Why does it have a hole?"

"You put your dick through that hole. And then your dick and that toy-"

"-Aw geez!" I smack the toy lightly over his head, "That's so slutty!"

"What!" Soujiro laughs, "What's wrong with that?!"

"I'm going to try something else." I look at all of the surrounding toys, my eyes darting from one thing to the next. Until they land on something pretty obvious. I grin evilly, "Move up to the head board of your bed."

Soujiro does so promptly without asking why. I think he already knows, judging by the lascivious smile on his face. I grab the handcuffs to lock his wrists to the bed posts, leaving himself vulnerable to my sexual hunger. I wonder if I should tie his ankles too. Hmm. Nah, I won't bother. This is more than sufficient. Just as I was about to climb on over to devour my lover, I hear a vibration coming from the floor next to the bed. Soujiro looks over to the floor where the sound is coming from, and I climb on off the bed to retrieve what is responsible for it. It's my phone. My stomach drops.

Kaoru.

 **hi kenshin! :3 are u busy? i want to go see a movie tonite with u if that's okay?**

I hesitate. What should I say? I have to break up with her. The sooner, the better. But I can't break up with her over text. I can't call her either, because then I won't be there to physically comfort her if need be. I could say yes, but.. what kind of asshole dumps someone during a movie date? No way that's gonna be me. There has to be a better way to break the news to her. But my mind is coming up blank. Doesn't help that I'm naked and rock hard for someone other than her. I jump out of my skin when my phone vibrates again: **kenshin? are u there?**

 _hey kaoru :( can't go, i'm busy with hiko. he promised to help me with something and i can't bail on him. i'm so sorry. let's make a rain check?_

 **awwww okay! just text me later, i gotta go visit misao for a bit. ttyl! xoxo**

"Who was that?" Soujiro asks as I place my phone on the night stand table.

I climb back on the mattress and over his slender body, smirking, "You're so jealous, you know that?"

He retorts, "Am not! I'm just curious!"

"And jealous."

"Ugh, shut up!"

"How about, I shut you up instead?" I lean in to kiss him, running my hands over his chest and arms and stomach and all over the flesh that screams for touch. Soujiro moans and buckles against my lower body in response, hearing his hands forming into fists and trying to escape from the bonds. Hearing that just makes me more harder than before. That does it. I squirt lube all over my cock and then all over his stomach and chest. He twitches from the cold impact of the gel, but I quickly rub my hands over his body to warm him up, making him nice and oily.

"You have such a great body, Soujiro," I breathe in deeply, grabbing the base of my cock to rub it against his cheeks, "Maybe I should cum all over it."

"Yeah.." He nearly glows with a rosy tint from the lube and himself blushing, and he never looked so beautiful.

"Where's that damn thing.." I murmur to myself as my hand reaches out to the side to scavenger the variety of items on the bed.

"What thing?"

"That sounding rod."

"What! You want to do that again?!"

I laugh, "Yeah! I want to see you squirt one more time!"

"You're sick, you know that?" Soujiro scoffs.

"It was you who introduced me to it. Guess you'll have to live with me wanting it every other time we fuck." I shrug playfully, and if Soujiro wasn't handcuffed to the bed, he'd hit me over the head.

Once I find the contraption, I lube it up sufficiently as well as all over Soujiro's hard cock. Damn, I should have sucked his dick for a little bit, but I guess that's too late. I take the sounding rod and get to work. Once it's all the way in, Soujiro releases a long exhale, "It's in."

"Now for my cock." I plunge myself into him, carefully of course, and I start fucking him. God. It's almost like every time I put my dick in him, it feels like it's the first time all over again. I can actually still remember the first time I had sex with him, and how it surprised me by how good his hole feels around me. Never did I expect another man to give me the kind of pleasure I had to work hard for with another woman. With Soujiro, it's a completely organic experience. I just close my eyes and let go, and orgasms abound. Who honestly needs another woman anymore? Seriously. Who needs-

 _Vrrrrrrrrrrrr!_

"It's your phone." Soujiro turns his head to the side to look at the night stand where it is now illuminated by the screen of my phone, "Should I pick it up?"

"Are you stupid?" I sneer at him and unplug myself out of him, once again climbing out of the bed to check. It's Kaoru. She's trying to call me. What's going on? I hope it's not an emergency or something. I gulp dryly and press the green button, pressing the phone against my ear, "Hello?"

"Kenshin?"

My chest tightens.

"Yeah, uh, are you okay? Is something wrong?" My eyes look all around me, feeling caught and a tad defensive.

"Oh, it's nothing.. it's nothing bad. I just wanted to see if you can come to my house tonight. I wanted to talk to you real fast about something."

"Is it.." My eyes start to lose focus, "Is it something.. bad?"

"Oh god, no! The opposite, actually! I think you'll like it a lot!"

"Um. Okay. Sure." I bite my lower lip. There goes any chances of sleeping over here, I guess.

"Great! I'm sorry for bothering you. Tell Hiko I said hi for me. Love you and see you soon!" She hangs up before I can even respond. Guess she's pretty busy with whatever it is she has for me. I wonder if it's a romantic surprise of some sort. I highly doubt she'll walk out of her house in lingerie and high heels, so I'm not hoping that it's that. I place my phone back on the night stand before turning around, and I see Soujiro looking.. not so happy all of a sudden. His eyes are hidden by his bangs and he's no longer smiling like before, "I'm sorry. It was Kaoru. I promise I'll end things with her when I see her."

He is quiet for a moment, ".. Can you uncuff me?"

"Huh? Why?"

Are we going to have another fight?

He shakes his head, "It's nothing. I just.. I lost my boner and I'm not horny anymore. I'm sorry."

I deflate, "Oh. Okay. I understand."

 _Please Soujiro._

 _Please don't fight with me._

 _And more imporantly.._

His blue eyes come out from the shadow and stares sadly from across the mattress..

 _Don't ever leave me._

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Things felt okay between Soujiro and I after that weird exchange. I explained to him that I will see Kaoru and I will dump her, even if it'll blow her hearts to bits. It's better some feelings get hurt and I can stay true to myself, after all, and upon hearing this, Soujiro relaxes. I took a bus back to near my neighborhood and walk through the streets to head up to Kaoru's place. She had already texted me that she is anticipating my arrival soon, and I let her know that I'll be there in a few minutes. Even though I know what I am about to do is ultimately the best thing to do for everyone.. it still scares me.

I mean, who likes dumping people? I sure don't.

I hope this doesn't hurt her too much.

I just know that I have to do it. For Soujiro. He's the one I want to be with.

Here goes nothing.

"Kenshin!" Kaoru quickly walks down the short front steps of her porch to wrap her arms around my neck giddily, "You're here!"

Gah, this hurts! I am so sorry for what I'm about to do to your poor, innocent little heart. But I honestly do think you deserve better than me. Way better than me. You're such a treasure all on your own. But enough about that. I lean back to smile at her, "So what is it that you wanted to show me?"

She smiles shyly, her face suddenly reddening, "I.. Can you come inside my house?"

I blink, "Um.. sure?"

We go inside of her house. Surprisingly, her parents aren't home. "Where are your parents?" I ask and Kaoru smiles innocently next to her staircase.

"They wanted to see some family and will be gone for the weekend. They'll be back Sunday night. My cousin just delivered a new baby."

"Oh, congrats!" I beam at her.

Wait.. why am I all smiles at her? Shouldn't I be dumping her?

"Oh!" Kaoru pipes up, "Okay, so, um. Can you.. can you sit on that couch and like, put a timer on your phone for five minutes?"

I chuckle, "Um, sure. Is this one of those puppet shows we used to do when we were kids?"

Oh god, how I miss those days. Kaoru blushes even harder and shakes her head.

"U-um, no! No. But you will find out. When I close my door, start your phone."

She rushes up the stair case and I blink after her. Hmm. This is weird. Wonder what that's all about. Or what will be about. Kaoru's usually pretty good at giving us great presents and surprises, and maybe Soujiro gave her spare change to buy me something. I deflate. Aw man. That's really going to make this break up even more awkward and painful. This really fucking sucks. I hate this so much already. But.. I have to do this.

I set the timer on my phone for five minutes. Meanwhile, I check FaceBook. Soujiro posted this on his timeline: **Sometimes you have to hurt certain people in order to be happy. There's just no other way.**

I know, Soujiro. I know. Suddenly, a text message appears on my phone. It's from Kaoru: _Come upstairs!_

I sneak the phone into the back pocket of my jean before heading up the stairs. Since I've been here before, I know which bed room door I should knock on. All are closed except one that is just a crack open. I knock gently, with no response. I frown, pausing. Okay? I grab the door handle to open the door completely and let myself into her bed room. My breath is stuck to my throat. Her room is dark except for small candles dotting her entire area. Her environment smells something sweet, and foreign. I hear very faint, low music hiding somewhere, piano playing softly in the background. It's nowhere near like the room I remember in my childhood.

...

And on that bed, lies Kaoru, donned in a pair of expensive looking lace bra and panties.


	17. Sweat

_Author's Note:_ _Hey everyone, thanks so much for your patience. College semester started for me so I'm a bit tied up with that at the moment, but don't let that deter you from continuing to follow this story. I am determined to finish it. :) If you guys haven't read my last comment in the review section, the next update for this story won't be up next Friday, but instead, I will write a special Valentine's one-shot fanfic in relation to my first saga, "Eyes of Truth". So if you miss Soujiro of that version, you will all see him again on Valentine's Day, Thursday the 14th. It might be posted on the day after, but I'll try to post it on V-day as a special thank you for your unwavering support._

 _Anyhoo, enjoy and happy weekend!_

* * *

 _"I want your bones inside my bones  
_ _Under the lights we went  
_ _Wearing our chimes we bled out  
_ _Fennel and lashes wet  
_ _Heart on a diamond thread now"_

 _\- RY X_

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"On this day.. the monster climbs from underneath the darkness.. to gather the strength from devouring the princess of the castle!"

The curtains lift, Kaoru's lips parting with a gasp and a coo as my hand lifts into view from the small table in front of her, adorned in a cloth dragon puppet. I move my hand to slide to the right, towards the toy castle set that Kaoru's parents brought for her for this year's seventh birthday. On top of the castle is the princess puppet, with golden yarn hair and in a sparkly pink dress. Kaoru had a rough day today; her parents were fighting and her dad 'went to sleep some place else', but it had already been days since she last saw him. She worries that he might've died and have been devoured by a real life monster.

And as a way to comfort her, I made her a puppet show.

"Oh no, Kenshin, save the princess!" Kaoru squeals helplessly, bouncing on her kneecaps.

"Never fear, my princess!" My other hand comes up now, this time holding an out-of-place toy soldier, "I will save you!"

Kaoru starts to giggle in a high pitch as I smack the toy soldier onto the dragon, me making these silly swooshing and whispered screams to act out a murderous scene. This continues for a painful minute, but finally, the dragon has been defeated. The knight climbs up from the vines on the side of the castle to get to his princess, "My beloved princess. I have saved you from that beast. It is safe now."

"Ohh, sir knight!" I swoon with a girlish dialect now, making Kaoru giggle at my antics, "I must marry you now!"

"Yes, marry her, marry her!" Kaoru cheers from where she sits, and I smush the two toys together to lock them into a passionate kiss, "Ewww!"

I throw the princess puppet at her, "At least you feel better, huh?"

She hugs the princess puppet to her blushing face, "Yeah but that's so icky!"

"I know. I saw it on TV. Why do grown ups do that?" I grimace and shake my head at that nonsense, "Let's never do that, okay?"

"Okay!" She hops on her kneecaps one more time before getting up, "Do you want to play some more?"

"Nah, I'm tired." I rub one of my eye as if to prove a point, walking on over to her bed, "My dad is picking me up soon but I don't know when."

"Oh. Are you coming back tomorrow after school?" Kaoru walks over to the bed as well, and we both sit on the edge of the bed together, "Maybe we can have a tea party with Sano and Yahiko together!"

I shudder, "No way! We're all going to go bike riding tomorrow!"

"I don't.." Kaoru looks down on herself, "have a bike.."

I gape at her, "Wait, really?"

She looks up, nodding.

I look at her, bewildered. Then I whoop into cruel laughter, making Kaoru gasp and whine, "That's not funny!"

"Yes it is!" I try to tone down my laughter, but that only made it stronger, and soon I plop down on my back.

"It's not funny!" Kaoru repeats herself, and when I peak at her with one eye while laughing, I can see her wet tears. That shut me up real fast.

I quickly sit up and hold her forearms, "K-Kaoru, wait! Don't cry! I didn't mean to laugh.."

"Yes you did!" She cried into her hands, and I immediately deflate in guilt, so I hugged her.

"It's okay. It's alright. How about this.. you can.. you can ride my bike. You can tag along with us and you can use my bike the whole way through."

She sniffles, wiping her tears with her arm, "But.. what about you, Kenshin..?"

I grin, "It's okay. I don't mind. I'll even help you balance. I know you're not good at riding bikes yet."

She huffs, blushing, "You're so mean!"

"How am I mean? I'm giving you my bike!"

She's quiet for a few moments. I know my dad has enough money to buy me a bike like it's nothing.. but I know her parents don't have that kind of cash now to spend on their daughter the way she deserves it. I hug her tighter, showing her that I am willing to give her anything her heart desires. She's my friend, after all, and I'm going to take care of her for the rest of my life. Hiko always told me to treat a lady well, after all.

"Okay, Kenshin. I'll ride your bike. Thank you.." She smiles subtly.

I smirk, hugging her tighter, "Your welcome."

Kaoru has it rough. I don't have my parents, so she is luckier than me for that one. But I'm glad she is luckier than I am. She just has it rough whenever she wants something that costs money, because her parents struggle with paying other stuff. What those other stuff are, I really don't know or understand. I thought being an adult means you can get everything you want for free.

"Kenshin, I don't want to marry anyone except you!" She gleefully declares, taking me a back by her sudden boldness.

"Gross! I never want to marry anyone!" I make a fake gagging sound.

"Not even me?" She pouts, and even I couldn't say no to that face. I sigh, laughing under my breath at her.

"Okay, maybe I'll marry you. But no one comes to our wedding. It'll be a secret."

"Oh. Okay!" She giggles, "I like it better that way. We can eat all the cake to ourselves!"

"Exactly!"

"You're my best boy friend, Kenshin." She hops off from the bed, "Let's go find cookies!"

"Okay!"

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"K.. Kaoru, I.."

I can feel my entire self glowing red from blushing. There probably isn't much contrast between my hair and my face, looking at Kaoru lying on her bed wearing her sexy garments. Scarlet red fabrics against ivory skin. Her lips tinted in a red gloss that surely must've been borrowed from Megumi's stash. Is she.. wearing more makeup than usual? Did Misao did all of that to Kaoru's face? Kaoru hardly looks like herself anymore. And I mean that in a good way. She looks.. really beautiful.. Seeing her in a way I have never dreamed of seeing her before. I never knew she had it in her to do something like this. But not only that, isn't it so.. soon, by her standards, to have sex when we've barely dated a month in? I knew that something is up. I think she's being set up or manipulated by someone, somehow. It can't be Soujiro behind all of this, can it? As a way to break us up because this would freak me out and send me running for the hills? Or maybe it's her girl friends thinking she needs to get over her sexual inexperience and have sex with me already?

She sits up and places her fingers near her mouth shyly, "Do you.. do you like it?"

Kaoru and I have known each other since we were six years old. Twelve years later, we are now adults and in a very awkward, sexual situation. You'd expect this kind of thing from cheesy movies, but not in real life. Well, maybe the truth really can be stranger than fiction sometimes. I had a crush on her for the longest time, and something like this would've sent me to the moon if I have never met Soujiro. Isn't this what I always wanted? What I always dreamed about when I think about Kaoru and have my hand down my boxers? This should make me happy, but.. now it's just weird. But I have to respond soon, because my silence seem to be hurting her feelings, judging by the look in her eyes.

".. I do. But Kaoru.. this isn't what you want to do, is it?"

"Oh yes, Kenshin, I do! I really do!" She places her hand down, her cheeks still flushed, "I have.. thought about this for the longest time now. I know we haven't dated for long, but.. I want you to remember me as intimately as you remember all those other girls you used to.."

She couldn't finish, looking down at herself sadly. Oh, Kaoru. I know what you're thinking. I carefully walk on over to sit on the edge of her bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, just like I used to do all those years ago, "You don't have to do this or prove anything to me, Kaoru. I'm not with those girls because it was just for fun. I didn't liked them or wouldn't like dating them. I'm dating you instead! I like dating you. I like being with you. And I really like you, so you don't have to have sex with me just so I can like you more."

Did I just.. said all of those things? Wasn't I supposed to dump her for Soujiro now? Shouldn't I be saying all those things to Soujiro, instead? I bet he's going to be so pissed off if I don't up and dump Kaoru now before we end up doing something we'll both regret. I don't think Soujiro would appreciate me being with a scantily clad girl while he's out there, biting his thumb anxiously and waiting for my next call..

Looking at Kaoru though, this vulnerable and sensitive young woman that I have known for so long now.. my chest is aching with a deep pain of absolute guilt. Kaoru really has it rough in her life, and she never asked for much, because she knows that the answer will always be no. Now that she got to date me, I bet she's thinking that we will be together in the long term, just like she always wanted. And it's going to hurt when life will also tell her no on that wish, too. I don't know what to do. She has been such a great friend to me over the years and this is not how you thank someone. I shouldn't play with her emotions. I shouldn't abandon her when she feels so elated from Soujiro's entrance in our lives. She got to shop for more clothes now than ever before. She got to visit that famous tea store thanks to him. And in a way, maybe she's thanking him now for teaching me to be bold enough to ask her hand at the dance.

And how do we both thank her?

By fucking each other behind her back.

Behind everybody's backs.

I shouldn't..

"Ken―!?"

I kiss her on the lips, wrapping both my arms around her this time. I shouldn't. I shouldn't do this. I should stop this. I shouldn't do this to Soujiro.. or to Kaoru. But I couldn't help myself suddenly. She just looks so nice. And all for me, on top of that. I've wanted this for such a long time now and if I dump her, she'll never let me have sex with her. She is stunned for a moment by this spontaneous spur, but then eases into the kiss. I reach behind her to unclasp her bra.

Just for today.. I'm going to thank Kaoru in a way that'll make her feel good.

She deserves that and more..

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Holy shit.

What have I done?

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My eyes crack open to the ceilings that I have no recollection of. That's not my ceiling. And it's not Soujiro's ceiling, either. It's Kaoru's. It's her's because I'm still in her room. I'm in her room because I'm in her bed. And.. I'm in her bed because we just had sex. We just had sex and I took her virginity. _I_ took _her_ virginity. My face feels clammy and my eyes turn to the side to a sleeping Kaoru. Oh shit. Are her parents home? The skies outside looks just faint of lavender, so I think I'm in clear for now. Maybe her parents are working late again. Oh wait. That's right. They're gone for the weekend. Is it the morning after?

.. Wait, is it?

I sit up with a jump, which only made Kaoru grumble and turn around to sleep some more.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh fuck. Was Soujiro expecting to hear from me after I told him goodbye? For some reason I can't fucking remember. I quietly climb out of her bed to look for my phone on the floor, switching it on: Three missed text messages. One is from my step dad asking me where I am. Another one was from Yahiko, asking me the same and if I wanted to chill with him and the other boys later for some kush. And the third one.. I gulped.. Soujiro.

 _Did you guys break up yet?_

I can feel my heart beat inside my throat now. I can't believe this. I fucking cheated on Soujiro. Well, I cheated on Kaoru first with Soujiro, but now I cheated on him WITH Kaoru of all people! Oh fucking dear god, I really fucked up tremendously this time. This isn't any regular hook up, either.. It's with my dear friend and whom she wasted her virginity with. I deflate glumly. Now she'll never know what it's like to give it to somebody who actually loves her. Holy mother of fuck, I am really screwed. If Soujiro finds out, there will be hell to pay. Not only that, but my friends may go as far as kick me out of their group for this. And who can blame them? I acted like a sleazy, dirty dog that only thinks with his dick. I'm a fuck up. I'm such a colossal fuck up! How am I ever going to fix this?!

Okay.. Okay. What do I need to do first? It's almost six in the morning. The first thing I should do is leave.. or.. I turn to look over my shoulder at the sleeping raven haired beauty.. should I just stay here? At least until she wakes up? Would be brutal for her to wake up on her bed alone after a night of painful yet intimate intercourse. It would doubly be crueler if I break up with her while she's naked in bed, too. Triple cruel if I dump her anyway long after that fact, since I took her innocence with no intentions of sticking it out with her for the long term. I inhale sharply. Oh man, this is beyond fucked up. If I don't dump her, that means I can't be with Soujiro. And if I can't be with Soujiro.. my heart swells painfully at that realization.

What am I going to do?

"Hmm.." I hear Kaoru sighing in her sleep, and I turn around just as she whispers, "Ken.. shin.."

I flush. Oh man. This is bad.

Her eyes flutter softly open, frowning before she wipes her face gently with the back of her hand to rub the sleepiness off. I sit on the edge of her bed before she realizes what is happening, "Hmm?"

"Morning." I whisper with a demure smile, her entire hair and face glowing periwinkle. She smiles sleepily in return.

"Good morning, Kenshin."

My heart jumps. Years ago, I developed feelings for Miss Kaoru. She wasn't like the other girls, and I don't mean it as a way to pit females against each other. What I mean was, is that she always saw the best in everybody, even if they don't deserve it. Like she did with Soujiro, unbeknownst to her that I am secretly having sex with him behind her back. She just thinks that everybody on Earth has the same pure intentions as she does, and it's just not true at all. Megumi and Misao, both more jaded than Kaoru from their rougher backgrounds, tried their best to get her to see that, to no avail. Kaoru just trusts that people will always choose the right choice just as she naturally does. And it makes this all the more harder for me and her. Because if it does come to light about me and Soujiro.. will she remain the same? Will she always look at the world through rose tinted glasses? Will she always remain sweet and nurturing?

Or will she become just like everybody else?

I flinch inwardly.

"Kenshin.." Kaoru whispers again, "Please. Come back to bed."

I shouldn't. I shouldn't do that. I should leave now. Run away from this place and run back into Soujiro's arms. Forget that last night ever happened. Forget the mistakes I've made and will continue to make. Maybe I am just like my son of a bitch father. Not Hiko, but my biological dad who left my mom and I. Maybe genes don't change even if the environment changes. I wonder how worse off I'd be like if my real dad stuck around. How horrible of a life that could've been. Though Hiko has his own issues, at least he tries and at least I can tell he loves me as if I were his own flesh and blood. Could my real dad have said the same thing with a straight face? I doubt it.

"Kenshin.."

I close my eyes.

I can imagine that said from his voice..

 _"Kenshin.."_

 _"Ooh, Kenshin.."_

 _"Right there.. Right there!"_

 _"Kenshin.."_

...

"Kenshin?"

I open my eyes again. I am still here when I really shouldn't. I should leave. But I can't. Not like this. I can't just up and leave Kaoru when she's so sleepy and so vulnerable like this. I refuse to be like my biological father. I climb back in and cuddle Kaoru into my arms, her face rubbing against mines lovingly. She smells so lovely, but far different than how Soujiro smells like. She smells like something vanilla, something subtle, something clean. Soujiro smells more metallic and masculine and intensive in contrast. Though it's nice to have her like this.. I'd much rather be back with him. With his smell. With his arms around me. His face against mines. I'd choose him over and over again, for the rest of my existence..

So then..

I close my eyes again, painfully.

Why am I still here?

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 _Kenshin? Did you get my message yet?_

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 _Did you break up with her yet? Please respond. I miss you._

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I spent the entire weekend ignoring Soujiro.

How can I face him? How can I talk to him? After doing what I just did? How could he ever trust me again? I don't know what to do from here. I still haven't broken up with Kaoru. In her little world, everything is peachy keen. In her world, it's a Disney movie, and she is a princess who just got married to her prince charming. In my world, it's an endless nightmare. As I lie on my bed on Sunday evening, I ignore the constant buzzing of my cell phone just so I can get a moment's calm. Between studying for homework and easing my step father's anxiety, it's a lot for a young man to take in. I'm an introvert by nature, so I need that space from everything and everyone so I can re-center myself.

Still.. I do miss Soujiro a lot. Maybe I can lie to him about why I haven't dumped Kaoru yet. Maybe I can make up something about her? I mean, it doesn't have to be a complete lie: If Kaoru's dad says that they don't like it that Kaoru spends so much time with us, I can use that to my advantage somehow. Maybe I can tell Soujiro that her parents' marriage is on the rocks and she really needs someone to be there for her, and who else except me, the guy who's been with her since the beginning? He'd have to understand that, losing a mother himself. Right? It wouldn't hurt to try, and again, it's not technically lying. It came straight from her father's mouth himself. Maybe Soujiro will then understand.

I text Soujiro: **I'm so sorry :( I got sick all of a sudden? so fucking weird. anyway, are you okay? do you need me to come over?**

 _omg. i thought you died. you can't come over, my dad's here. but you and i can schedule something this week._

 **cool.**

 _so... did you break up with her yet?_

 **actually.. i have to tell you something.**

 _OMG. you didn't break up with her, didn't you?_

 **it's not like that. it's about her parents.**

 _... okay?_

I bite my lower lip.

Maybe lying a little wouldn't hurt..

 **it's her dad. he's got a terminal illness.**

I am so going to hell for this.

 _are you for real? what illness?_

 **cancer. i don't wanna get specific. it's really sad and she's torn up over it. so she's been crying all weekend on me and.. i didn't have to hearts to just leave her right there and then, you know?**

 _i guess so. oh my god. should i ask her about it?_

 **OH GOD NO. she told me to keep this a secret between us close pals for now. she wants to come out to the other guys on her own. let's just give her that time and space, alright?**

 _yeah, okay. :( that poor thing. i should take her out this week and get her mind off of things._

I gulp dryly. If he sees her all happy, he'll be suspicious, right? But I mean, I could lie and say she's just putting on a brave face for all of us. He could buy that story for sure. He trusts me. Why wouldn't he?

Because I just cheated on him. Duh. True love rules all.

 **yeah, totally. thanks, soujiro.**

 _i miss you. when can i see you?_

 **when will your dad leave again?**

 _to be honest.. not for a while. things are going well so he's taking it easy here. i'll figure something for us this week._

 **okay :)**

 _kenshin?_

 **yeah?**

 _i love you._

My heart swells. Oh.

 **i love you too.**

Oh my God..

If only you knew what I did, Soujiro.. if only.. Will I lose you completely if I were to come clean now? Or would you hate me, rightfully so? If it comes to that, then I'm not going to tell you the truth. Rest assured, Soujiro, that we will be together in the near future. Just the two of us. I'll make sure of that. I will end this relationship I have with Kaoru, somehow, someway, so that you and I can move on together. We can go to the same university together! Maybe we can study the same major together, take the same classes together. Take the same extra curriculum together, and join the same clubs as well. We'd be conjoined by the hips, Soujiro. I'll make sure of that.

Just be patient, Soujiro..

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Time passes. It's the week leading to Christmas, and we all did our mid-term exams. School is then let out for the holidays until after New Year's day. I think I did pretty well, considering I spent the past few weeks with Soujiro and studying with him. And sleeping with him on the down low, of course. I continue to date Kaoru, meanwhile. Since Hiko is thriving so well in his new job, he gives me a nice weekly allowance that I then use to spoil Kaoru whenever possible. Soujiro also gives me a bit of money here and there whenever he feels like getting his dick wet with me, and though I should know better than to be treated like this.. I take the money anyway, just so I can spoil Kaoru with it. It's a strange predicament to be in. How long can I walk on the threads of this web of lies that I've created?

How long until the threads snap?

I don't know, but dammit if I'll try.

Soujiro's dad decided to take a business vacation out to the United States with his new beau, and Soujiro declined wanting to come along since he just wants to hang out with his new friends here. He emphasized that his new friends are the rich preppy fucks from school, and not us glue sniffers, to disarm his stern father. His dad brought it, of course, and left without him. Which meant I was allowed to come over and sleep in his bed throughout the nights, lying to Hiko about my whereabouts meanwhile. It feels so good to just spend my days and nights with Soujiro, and not just inside the bedroom either. I like cooking with him. I like taking walks with him. I like watching TV and movies with him. I like doing shopping with him, and watching him browse the stores' goods with his penetrating blue eyes focusing. I like cuddling with him near the fireplace with him, sharing hot cocoa and kissing his cold face until he is warm with love. I just love spending my life with him.

The question is.. will I ever tell him the truth about that night I spent over Kaoru's?

Or will I take it to the grave?

It's a Sunday afternoon, just two days before Christmas day, and Soujiro has completed his holiday shopping. He got something for everybody in his life, from his father to Sano, Yahiko, Aoshi, Megumi, Misao, Kaoru, all the way down to me, though I most certainly don't fucking deserve it. Still, I kept my mouth shut, and also brought something for everybody in my life as well. I got something extra special for Soujiro, and I kept ignoring his pleadings to tell me what it is since he can't wait until Christmas. I tell him to knock it off and then kiss him on the lips before he tries to fight me on it, and that helps shutting him up for a while. He can be such a stubborn child sometimes, really. But I love that so much about him. I love how he never gives up even in the face of adversities.

Can he fit inside my world after all?

"You're such a romantic," Soujiro giggles as he snuggles up closer to me in front of the fire place, the large blanket covering the both of us together, "Thank you for being here with me."

"Of course. Where else would I go?" I smile.

"With Kaoru?"

I hesitate and sputter, "Y-yeah right!"

He laughs, "I mean. I understand. You guys have a lot of history together. And I feel awful about her situation right now. I just.. I just hope you and I can still be together in the future, somehow."

"That's why.. that's why I want to go to the same college as you do." I shrug casually.

"I was against it before, but.." He sighs, lying his head against the crane of my neck, "Yes. Let's do it. Let's apply to the same schools together. I don't want to spend another minute away from you, Kenshin."

"And after college?" I question, tightening my grip of his hand reassuringly.

"Hmm. What do you want to do with me after college?"

"Move in together? Work in the same company? Or if not, close to each other so we come home around the same time? Or I can work from home and you can work outside so that I can make you dinner?"

Soujiro giggles, "Oh my God. Let's just get married if that's the case!"

My breath catches in my throat, face heating up, "Yes."

He looks at me like I just grew a new head, "What?!"

"I'll marry you, Soujiro."

He gapes at me for a while, and then his face softens into a warm smile, "Yes. I'd love that, so much."

I sigh, my heart fluttering, "I love you, Soujiro."

"I love you too, Kenshin.."

He holds my hand and I hold his back. I'm so in love with him, it's crazy. I _have_ to find a way to break up with Kaoru without rousing anybody's suspicions or breaking the group dynamic. This is going to be so fucking hard, but where there's a will, there's a way. I've been in pretty shitty situations before and got out of them largely unscathed. So, I'm confident that I'll be okay with this mess I've made, too. In the meanwhile, though, I will lay my principles aside and just lie through my teeth until I find the answer. I like things the way they are going right now. It's all low drama and nobody knows anything, except me. If I have to carry this weight of burden just to save everyone's feelings for a while, I'll do it. The future is looking bright anyway, now that Soujiro and I are in a proper relationship. A secretive one still, sure, but a real relationship. With love, and spending time together outside of sexual activities, and building memories together..

I'm not gonna fuck that up for anything in the world. I won't!

"Say.. Kenshin.. Do you wanna play?" Soujiro turns his face towards the side of my neck and takes a small, slow bite on it.

I shudder in pleasure, setting down my cup of finished cocoa as well as his, before I turn towards him to devour his lips with my own.

Like I said.. I'm not going to fuck this up for anything in the world.

I won't.

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We're in the walk in shower now in Soujiro's bathroom. The water drenches us as Soujiro sucks on my cock happily, while I lean against the stone wall behind me and tighten my grip on his chocolate locks. I grit my teeth and groan in intervals, his deep throating sending me into a psychological nirvana. I sometimes wonder how Kaoru would measure up, but I think she wouldn't be the type to do it anyway, so I don't entertain the thoughts for too long. Though I have had sex with her a few times after I deflowered her, it's always so sweet and loving in contrast to Soujiro's more passionate side. I'm not so into it when I'm doing it with Kaoru, but with Soujiro, it's like I can take off all my masks and just be in the moment completely. And it always feels so much better because of that. With Soujiro.. I'm just me.

 _"Argh,"_ I moan, _"I'm gonna_ _―!_ _"_

I nearly rip my dick out of his mouth and hold it in front him, my cum projecting all over his face. I've never done that to anyone before, having heard of guys doing it to their partners. But I never had it in me to do so with my previous sexual partners. I was worried it'd be disrespectful or even disgusting. Turns out, doing it on Soujiro's face is nothing short of delicious. I am breathing in and out deeply, looking on with lust as the water cleans the cum out of his face and letting some enter through his lips. I rub my thumb over his eye to wipe the remaining white fluid off, and he opens his eyes to smile brightly back at me. I can't imagine Kaoru looking at me like that while on her knees.

Finally as I catch my breath, I whisper hoarsely, "Sit down. It's your turn."

He does as he is told, and I got on my knees, licking and sucking on his hard throbbing cock. He tastes so good, I swear. He writhes and moans, bucking his hips and his chest seemingly puffing out from the shocks of pleasure coursing through his veins. The skin on his face and chest reddens the closer he comes to finishing, and he groans, _"Aw yeah, that's it..!"_

I hastily grab the sides of his hips to drag him down on the shower floor, and I got on top of him to make out with him furiously. Soujiro immediately wraps his arms around me as well as his legs around my hips. I can feel myself hardening again, ready for another round. It didn't take long for the kissing me and humping him until my dick eases its way naturally inside of him. He grunts and moans as I grind myself into him. I guess it is becoming apparent as to how much I love fucking him under water. It feels good, what can I say!? His legs soon couldn't stay together and he spreads them out a little, arching his back the harder I fuck him. Not even the sweetest love making with Kaoru could ever beat this. It's horrible that I have to have sex with both of them when neither of them know of what's happening.

But like I said, I'll figure something out.

I just need time.

 _"KenshinNnNnnn.."_ Soujiro convulses as he cums tremendously from below me, his hot fluid covering his slick wet stomach. That sight alone did it and I cum into his ass right after, and we both lie limp on that shower floor for several more minutes to catch our breaths. Soujiro runs his fingers through my long hair while I brush my fingernails against his shoulder and forearm, just enjoying these last few moments of me being warm inside of him. We wash each other afterward happily before we spend the rest of the day playing video games in his bedroom, eating snacks and just being regular guys around each other.

I had to leave that evening because even though I'd rather shoot my foot than spend another moment away from Soujiro, I still want to spend the holidays with my step dad. Christmas is best spent with family anyway, and if Soujiro feels too lonesome.. No.. I can't invite him over. I don't want him to see the state Hiko and I live in. Our home is a fire dumpster site in comparison to Soujiro's grand mansion. I told Soujiro if he gets too sad, that I'll definitely come over or we can spend some time together after Christmas is over. Before I left his mansion, though, Soujiro hands me a wrapped up present and kisses me sweetly goodbye for now. And on Christmas morning, I open that box to see that it's a big book about world traveling. I wonder if he's trying to tell me something. Either way, I love it.

That Christmas afternoon after a nice breakfast with Hiko, I drove to Soujiro's mansion with my own present to give him. I think he'll be home now. I texted him from my truck just in case, though. He replied that he's out food shopping but he'll use his phone to unlock the gate. Fancy technology for the win. I use the spare key to let myself inside the mansion, taking off my boots and going up the stairs in order to put his gift under his bed. Before I do, though, something catches my eye; all the way down the hallway, are these double doors that surely means that it belongs to his father. Is it his dad's master bed room? I wonder how that old rich guy lives. If Soujiro's room and bathroom looks amazing, I bet his father lives like a king. Am I even allowed to take a peek?

I chew on the inside of my cheek, pondering. I mean.. Maybe that man is.. hiding something there? I shake my head. Where are these thoughts coming from? I shouldn't care about that. I should put his gift away and wait for Soujiro like a good little boyfriend. Right?

I turn to Soujiro's bedroom door, and then freeze. I look over at the double doors again. Maybe.. Maybe just a quick scan around that room won't hurt. I'm not going to touch anything there, anyway. It's just.. It's just so I know what kind of father raised such a beautiful boy, that's all. Maybe his dad is not so bad. Maybe distant and travels too much for his career, but maybe he's a great guy? I set my gift down on the floor before walking on over to the double doors, my heart jumping in anticipation. Calm down, Kenshin. It's just a room. It's not going to do anything to you. And you won't touch or move anything so Soujiro won't get mad. And if I hear him coming into the mansion, I'll just bolt out of there in time. That's right.

My hand is shaking as I take the door handle (It's not even a door knob but a fucking fancy gold plated handle.) and move it downward to unlock it. I push the door open and walk into the master bed room. And it is just as I imagine it; It's a huge fucking room fit for a king, indeed. The bed is surrounded by marble statues of Greek mythology. Yes, I wish I was lying to you when I said that. There are large vanity sets and an open ceiling where it looks like it is painted by Michael Angelo himself; cherub angels and rosy gold clouds are the last thing this guy sees before he goes to sleep every night he's home. Lucky bastard. He actually has _two bathrooms_ ; one is just a small one that contains a walk in shower a lot like Soujiro's, and the other one is the master bathroom with an underground Jacuzzi tub right in the center of it. Like I said.. lucky bastard!

I do notice something.. strange about this place. Looking all around me, there are painted portraits of young adolescents in questionable poses. Some were male and some female. I mean, I can't tell if they're the legal age at the time of the paintings or not, but their faces look a little too young for my comfort. Maybe he got them from a black market somewhere and didn't think much of it? Maybe I'm reading too much into it. He has other neat stuff too; collections, souvenirs and memorabilia of countries he visited like France and Italy, China and Thailand, Kenya and Nigeria, among many others. This guy has been around the world a couple of times, and it shows. How I'd love to do the same.

I wonder if Soujiro comes here from time to time when he's home alone. I wonder if he misses his dad a lot. I wonder if he even sleeps in his bed all alone at night just because that is the only way he can feel close to his dad. That has to be really sad if that's true. I sigh and deflated. Poor Soujiro. I'm going to give him so many hugs and kisses today. I can't believe how mushy I've become ever since my heart has become completely open to loving Soujiro. But.. It's not that bad. It feels really good to love someone else so sincerely, actually. I smile. I think I'm gonna leave. I can't hang around here forever. There's nothing here of interest..

I stop looking around when my eyes landed on a laptop that sits on a small desk right across from the bed. I blink. It's off. Well, of course it's off. The dude's not here to use it. Could there be something in it that the world isn't ready to know? Maybe his dad is doing something illegal on it? Does Soujiro uses this laptop or does he stay far away from it? Maybe there's something in it I can use to.. well. No. There's nothing I want from this to hurt Soujiro. I love Soujiro, right?! I blink some more and then shake my head. No! I shouldn't! I shouldn't look at it.. I'm not doing that stupid investigation anymore.. There is nothing there to criminalize Soujiro in it, anyway! I should go! This isn't right at all! I turn around towards the door when it immediately opens, and my blood freezes.

Soujiro stands there with a shocked expression on his face, and we both stand there not even a foot away from each other, silent.

"K.. Kenshin?" He whispers with a pained twist in his voice.

And it was at this moment.. I knew.. I fucked up.

 _[To be continued.]_


	18. Sugar

_Author's note:_ _Yes yes yes, I know, I'm late. :'( I am only posting this short-ish update until next time. Finals week is starting tomorrow so I won't post another update until maybe Friday, May 10th or 11th or even 12th. Will try my best; College is so cramping my writing abilities right now. So sorry! Hope everyone's Easter went well!_

 ** _Caution: Scenes of graphic sexual content_ _ahead._**

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 _"_ _As far as I can tell  
_ _I've been gone for miles now  
_ _And you know and I know  
_ _I don't know me very well  
_ _And I know and you know  
_ _If they found me out."_

 _\- Tori Amos_

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 _"Soujiro."_ I breathe his name out, a shiver running up my spine soon follows as soon as I said it, "I'm.. I mean..!"

 _"What are you doing here?!"_ He whispers in a vicious, cutting tone, walking up towards me quickly, grabbing my forearms, "Let's get out of here! You don't belong here!"

I blink at him quickly, eyes wet with fearful tears, and I couldn't answer him, not while he looks like a strange nocturnal animal that crept out from the shadows. He nearly drags me out of that room and we were soon back in his bedroom, and I sit on the edge of his bed. I watch him nervously at him pacing around, looking down at the floor as he walks in a circle, probably thinking of how to punish me for the crimes I've committed today. Oh, Soujiro. If only.. If only you knew my other crimes. Without thinking, I gasp sharply from the pain in my chest of that realization, which caught his attention. He looks at me, eyes burning with anger.

"What were you thinking?" He asks me, now with a strange pinch of emotions in his voice, "Didn't I tell you not to poke through my life like that? Wasn't I good enough to you? Didn't I treat you well at all, for all of this time? Have I gave you enough fucks or money for you to keep your business to yourself?! Honestly, Kenshin, I.. You really are stupid."

I flinch, ".. I know. I'm sorry."

"Are you, though?" I look up at him just in time for him to walk up to me, until he is nearly towering over me, "Why? Why did you go in there? Don't you know that people shouldn't snoop around like that? Do you really think.. that I'm still hiding stuff from you? Wasn't I transparent enough to you, Kenshin?"

I grunt, my hands shaking as I try to reach up to touch him, but using his arms, he smacks them away from me. My arms hang limp and soon, so did my head.

"I'm.. so so sorry, Soujiro.." I don't know what came over me, but I started to weep. I'm so fucking horrible. I'm a horrible fucking person, and it shows. Why am I like this? Why am I exactly like my biological dad? Why can't I just.. why can't I just be a good friend? A good son? A good student? A good boyfriend, too, on top that? Why do I continuously to deliberately make everything so fucking hard for myself and other people? Do I enjoy making people unhappy? Do I like making myself angry and suspicious and a self-righteous cunt? I start to cry into my hands, collapsing.

I don't deserve anything.

Nothing at all!

...

"Oh, Kenshin.. Stop.. stop crying," I hear Soujiro whispering in a sweeter tone now, cupping my face into his hands, so that he can see my tear streaked face, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to freak out like that on you. I'm just.. I just don't like it when people want to get so up close and personal. That's how I was raised. Imagine knowing nothing but cameras, and reporters, and people trying to find any little dirt to spoil your family's name. Can you imagine how that's like, for just a minute? Never knowing a moment of peace and quiet, without worrying what the news reports are going to write about you next? Never knowing what it's like to just be a normal teenager?"

I gape at him, tears still overflowing. Soujiro.

He chuckles sadly, "I just.. I love you. I love being with you. And I don't want you to find something and get the wrong idea about me. I don't want you to run out on me. I've sacrificed a lot to move here in Kyoto, and to track you down. I am crazy about you, Kenshin Himura. I want you.. all of you. I'd devour you if I could.."

He leans in and I instinctively open my mouth, moaning in pleasure. Our lips touch and our tongues swirl around each other, as I move back towards the upper half of his bed. We continue to kiss each other as I fiddle with his shirt buttons, and he meanwhile tries to open my beaten belt to loosen my jeans. Moments later, my head leans backward over the edge of his bed, crying out in pleasure as Soujiro goes down on me, my hand gripping his hair all the while. I can't tell him anything, can I? Not only do I hold my own secrets, but it looks like Soujiro has his own cards held close to his chest, too. I guess it seems fair, but.. at the same time, his reaction has to mean something. Maybe his father really is hiding something. Something insidious. Something life ruining.

What could it be, though?

"Hrrmm, Soujiro, wait.. agh!" I try to sit up and take his wrists as a way to slow him down, "Wait.."

He comes up and looks up at me expectantly, and with a sweet smile and side head tilt, he giggles, "Yes?"

"I just.. Why are you trying to fuck me after I got caught sneaking around like that in your dad's room?"

He doesn't move, his smile still bright, "Why not?"

I scoff, "Get off of me."

He jumps back instantly and I take him into my arms, kissing him on the lips. He hums confusingly, and when our lips separate from each other, he whispers, "Kenshin?"

I rub my face against his lovingly, "I'm sorry, Soujiro. For everything. For being a dick to you. For snooping in your father's belongings without your permission. I'm sorry. I'm a fucking asshole."

"Kenshin!" He bursts out laughing, wrapping his arms around my neck, "Jeez! You are really hard on yourself today! What's going on? Are you feeling sick or something?"

"Maybe.." I mutter, melting into this hug, loving all the pleasurable sensuality he's providing me. The warmth of his body. The smell of his hair. The smoothness of his skin against mines. I could melt into him and nothing else would matter anymore. I want to make him cum now. At that dark thought, I start to gnaw on the side of his neck gently, and Soujiro bites his lower lip to hush himself. I think I know what to do. Maybe it's fucked up, and maybe it's the wrong thing to do at a moment like this.. But I can't get over his reactions to me being in his father's bedroom. I knew it has to mean something. I nearly smack Soujiro onto his pillows and I straddle his hips, pinning his wrists against the sheets, "Where is that black box?"

He blinks and then points his chin downward, "Under.. the bed?"

I retrieve it and open it, determined. Soujiro continues to lie on his back, quiet but most possibly confused by what is happening right now. I take out two handcuffs and a bottle of lube. Perfect. Soujiro lets me handcuff his wrists to the bars of his bed post, and I spread his legs with my knees. Rubbing lube over my hard cock, I watch intently as he looks at my dick with maddening lust in his eyes. I lean in, grabbing one of shoulder to help me aim carefully into his hole. Before I even let my tip slide in, though, I look at him. He looks back at me, his expression flushed and aroused yet full of questions. I don't do anything for the next minute. His brows furrow slightly, wondering when I am going to put it in. I smirk ever so slightly, and his eyes widen now with a flicker of fear, "Kenshin..?"

"You know I love you, right?" I mumble, and he gapes at me, not knowing how to answer that.

".. Um.. Yes? I know that?" His eyes dart slowly from the sides and then downward to look at my lower half of my body still not moving, "Are you.. going to..?"

"Look at me, Soujiro."

He does, grunting.

"I want to see your face when I put it in."

He gasps lightly, his face flushing hard.

The tip pierces his hole, and I groan at the sight of what I'm seeing; Soujiro's eyes flickering upward just once or twice, and then as I thrust my hip down to slowly slip my cock inside of him inch by inch, his eyes too, widen inch by inch in the same beat. Just as I am all the way in, I push even harder downward, his breath stuck in his throat at the pressing force against his prostate. I move my cock out smoothly out of him and do the process again, slower and tortuously this time to watch him close his eyes and mouth hanging open to let out a quiet sound. I do it again, his mouth this time letting out a confused, angrily impatient yet sexy groan, as if questioning me as to why I'm doing this shit.

 _"Haaah!"_ He breathes as I slide my cock in him slowly yet with a harder, harsher pump this time, _"God, why the fuck..!?"_

"It feels good, doesn't it?" I whisper hoarsely, smirking, "I could go faster. But.."

I pull out and then push in, much harder yet still at the same snail pace, making Soujiro arch his shoulders up and throwing his head back in pleasure, _"Ahh!"_

".. You'll have to tell me more about that room."

His eyes snap open to glare at me, "What the fu..!?"

I cut him off with me slamming my cock into him a little faster this time, and he cries out.

 _"Hmmm!"_ He whimpers, in pain or pleasure, it's hard to tell. But his lustful stare looking deep into my eyes are saying it's definitely the latter, "Do that again."

"Tell me what's on that laptop."

I wasn't aware of it at first, but for all of this time, Soujiro had his grip on my biceps this entire time. He tightens them, his eyes wavering, "I can't.. I can't tell you.. I.."

I slide myself out of him, my eyebrow arching up, testing him.

His breathing quickens a little as he tries to think of a way out, "Okay, okay! Um. He has.. he has work files on it, I think. But.. I think.. _oooh!"_

I cut him off again as I slide my cock inside of him. God, the insides of him are nearly burning me. It's so hot inside of him. I love it. I recover from that shock of pleasure before speaking, "Go on."

"He tells me to never use it. It probably has password protection on it. There's no way we can ever get into it. I won't lie, though.. I always wonder what's on it, too, _ahh, FUCK!"_

Now I'm thrusting into him repeatedly as normal now, throwing my head back to enjoy the sensation of fucking that tight little ass now. I knew there was something up with that computer. I've gotten his trust now. We have to break into that shit soon. Maybe later on after I'm done fucking the hell out of him. My God, how is this little slut so tight? When he probably fucked around before meeting me? Fucking whore. I'll teach him a lesson for being such a little skank. I groan out loud as I tilt forward to kiss him with feverish passion, and then I growl against his lips, "How many guys have you been with before me, huh?"

"Why? Jealous?" He answers with a playful sneer before licking the inside of my mouth to find my tongue, "Why do you want to know?"

I chuckle, feeling cruel today, "I've been with fifteen girls. How 'bout that?"

He scoffs, "Fuck you! Like I enjoy knowing that about you!"

"Aww, now look who's jealous?" I start fucking him harder and faster, the tightening heat around my cock is driving me fucking crazy, "God, your ass is so tight."

He can barely take in or exhale any breaths as I thrust into him savagely, nor can he even look straight ahead normally anymore, _"Kenshin, I can't.. I can't take this, ahhhh!"_

I don't know what came over me but I grab his throat and give it a good squeeze, holding him down, careful not to do it too hard so that he can at least breathe as needed. I fuck him even harder and faster, pushing myself dangerously to the brink of actually hurting him. My head is swimming and dizzy from the look of his face and the knowledge that his orgasm is coming soon by the look of his ardently stare. I let go of his neck and grab the sides of his hips to haul his bottom half off from the bed, and with my knees on the bed, I am able to fuck him at the speed of my highest velocity. I couldn't help but growl in deep pleasure now, Soujiro crying out like a wanton little bitch right after.

 _"Ken-ARRGH!"_ He yells and cums hotly all over himself and over the parts of my stomach and chest, and as I watch him arch his back and neck in the throes of his orgasm rippling through his body, I cum soon afterward. The waves of pleasure was also rippling through me for what felt like a really long time. I am shaking after the last spurt of my seed spits out. I have never felt so much pleasure like that in my life before. Holy shit. I let myself fall on Soujiro, our bodies and faces absolutely slick with perspiration. The room is spinning and I can't see straight. That was the best sex I've ever had.

"Sweet Jesus, that was.." I hear Soujiro giggling almost soundlessly, "So amazing. Oh my God. You fucked me so hard I swear I almost passed out. What has gotten into you today?"

I rub my eye sleepily, desperate to fall asleep, "I just love making you cum. And breaking you apart."

He takes in a shaking breath, "That's so hot. I'd let you destroy me if it means we can make each other cum hard like that."

I don't respond and he doesn't say anything more after that. We took a really nice long nap together on that bed, and after a few hours, we both got up to take a nice shower together. Later on after we're dressed in really comfy pajamas (shut up), I watch with sheer amusement from across the bed as Soujiro unravels the Christmas present I got for him. He takes out the object and looks back at me ridiculously, "Really?"

I shrug, "You like it?"

"It's a stuffed teddy bear."

"It used to be mine when I was little."

He gapes at me, then looks at the brown fuzzy bear, "Are you.. Are you serious? Oh my God. Oh my God! This is so cute, I can't even!"

He hugs the little shit in his arms now while I laugh, "Glad you liked it."

"This is so sweet. I love it. Thank you!" Now he's wrapping his arms around me, rubbing his face against mines affectionately.

Now to swoop in for the kill.

"Can we see what's on that laptop now?" I ask softly into his ear, embracing him back.

He hesitates at first, but then nods slowly, rubbing his face into my neck, "Yes."


	19. Sense Of Home

_Author's note: Hey everyone. I'm back and thankfully have not abandoned this story because I really want to finish it if it's the last thing I'll do while I'm alive. College hasn't killed me yet and I'm taking the summer off, so I have time to update a little closer together now. I'm actually re-reading this story of mine from start to finish, and you know what? I'm actually proud of it, so I want to finish it. I hope nobody hates me yet, lol. I'm still working on the prologue of my new story, so keep your eye out for that too!_

 ** _Caution: This has strong sexual themes. Viewer discretion is advised._**

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 _"For these words he won't come around here  
_ _And his eyes won't see  
_ _And you know he won't come around here  
_ _He needs it to be  
_ _It's like something evil is taking a hold  
_ _Nothing deep here  
_ _It's like we're losing our sense of home  
_ _Just disappear.._

 _Just disappear."_

 _\- Harrison Storm_

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"Can we see what's on that laptop now?"

I knew you would ask that. I knew you wouldn't give up so easily. I knew. You're not one to give up just like that, after all. That's one of the reasons why I love you so much. I knew you wouldn't let go of the darkness that sucks up the room of my father's. I knew that nothing could deter you away from the man who could hold so many secrets. I didn't wanted you to know anything about me, Kenshin. Not the bad parts. _Especially_ those bad parts; the dirty, rotten, terrible things about me. I wanted you to love me for the brightness I could be in your life.. to be the fresh air for you to breathe in. And my God, do I wanted you breathe me in, so that I could always be a part of you. I wonder if I even love you as much as I am obsessed over you. Can you do both with one person?

Can you?

I rub my face against his neck, that smell of his always lingering. The smell of smoke. The smell of leather. Of broken dreams.

"Yes." I whisper, our hands clasped together. And we walk together just like that, with our hands holding together, back into my father's room. I have been inside that room before. Many, many times. For reasons that are so normal, really. I've been there to take a shower there whenever I'm tired of my own bathroom. I've been there to take a nap on his massive bed. I've been there to do my homework, whenever he'd go on his business trips, and when I wanted to have a reminder that I wasn't living here all by myself. He's always gone a lot, that old man. I sometimes feel weird calling him my father.. he was my creator. The reason I am physically alive today. But he doesn't _feel_ like a father. He feels like the architect of little boys instead. He created me, with the smooth hands of a business man, and the eyes of a callous surgeon. But he made me into the young man I am today.

A man full of sickness and secrets.

"H'okay!" Kenshin plops down on the chair in front of the small desk where the laptop sits, "Let's see what's on this baby!"

I wince slightly to myself, smiling awkwardly, "Yes.."

He turns to look at me, ".. Soujiro?"

I flinch, looking back down at him, "..?"

Would he tell me that we don't have to do this? That he's sorry for asking to look at it? That we should forget about it, and go do something else? Something less sinister? Or maybe.. maybe he'll apologize again? But I don't need that. I just want him away from that laptop. I'm scared of what he'd find. I'm scared of what _I'll_ find on that God forsaken hunk of technology. My father lived and taught me to always hold your cards close to your chest. To never trust anybody. Not even your own family. I blink, looking at his face, and those beautiful eyes. Light and lilac, if not blue depending on the lighting. I love it. And that red hair, so gorgeous in its own right. I'd pull on it all day while we'd fuck if we could. I shiver a bit from that thought but cough to cover up, straightening myself up, "Y-yes?"

He gapes at me, ".. You are sure that you are okay with this? With me looking at your dad's laptop?"

I smile bitterly, "Yes.. Please, do. I have nothing to hide."

Liar.

He smiles with relief, turning to the laptop to open it and turn it on. Meanwhile, my smiles fades to a sad frown. Oh, Kenshin. What will you think of me now, when you find what you were meant to find after all of this time? That my life is not this perfect dream that everyone else thinks? That my family hides such a disgusting tradition behind closed curtains? That I am never going to be a normal adult after all that my father has put me through? Of all those cameras.. and evil smiles.. and.. I gulp dryly. No. No, I don't want to think about that. Not right now. I have another beast to face. My heart thunders inside my chest as the "Password Required" screen lights up in front of Kenshin's face. I blink, finally realizing, that the pain that crept in my hand.. was from gripping so hard that my fingernails very nearly cut the skin.

Kenshin looks at me again innocently, "Do you know the password?"

I stare vacantly at that screen.

...

I don't? I don't know..

"I don't know.." I could barely hear myself speak, bewildered.

Do I really not know my father that well at all, after all these years?

Kenshin looks back at the screen and starts to type on the keyboard, "Tell me your mother's maiden name."

I grip harder, ".. Nishimoto."

He types it in and clicks enter. That password is incorrect. He hums. A pause. He looks back at me, "When's your birthday again?"

"September 18?"

He types it in and enters it.

"Fuck." He hisses, "Incorrect again."

"What about.. um.." I press my two index finger tips together shyly, "Their wedding date? November 11th, 1997."

He enters it. Still wrong.

"You have two more tries." Kenshin repeats the instruction from the screen, "Before this bitch locks itself. Fuck!"

This is so uncomfortable. There's just no way we'd be able to crack this. My father is the mastermind behind security. It's why his enterprise has been so successful without any breaches so far. Except for that one time.. I shake my head. No. Don't think about that. Now is not the time for regrets.

"Does he have a favorite color?" Kenshin laughs, but it sounds sarcastic and irritated. The skin under my eye twitches.

"I don't know? No? He never.. told me.." I look down on myself.

"Well, _try."_ He demands me, and I flinch.

Silence.

"Try white."

He types it in and enters. I jump as he slams his hand against the table, "No!"

"Kenshin!" I couldn't hold back, and I swivel the chair he's sitting on to face me, "Stop this!"

"I can't! This laptop.. I know there's something fucking horrible on it.." He growls, not tearing his eyes away from that damn screen, "I'm not doing this.. to hurt you, Soujiro.. I just wonder.. if your father ever hurt you or someone else..!"

I grab his face with my hands and rip his lips open with my tongue to make out with him, climbing over him to straddle his lap. I have to make him forget! I have to distract him.. make him fuck me instead.. anything but this! I can't let him know! I can't let him! I won't let him! He struggles with me and very nearly rips my lips away from his, his eyes wild with the flames of fury.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He hisses, but I try again. He leans back immediately and, without thinking, smacks me lightly across the face.

And I look at that computer screen again. The Password Required screen laughing back at my moistened stare. _He's going to find out,_ it cackles. _There's nowhere else to run now! Better kiss him goodbye. Better make it count. Bet he'll beat the shit out of you after he finds out the company's secret? I bet he would. We all bet that._ I take in a quivering breath, a single tear slipping down my cheek. I hide my face in my hands, defeated.

".. Soujiro..?" Kenshin gently takes my wrists to pull them away from my face, "Oh my God.. I'm so sorry, I.. I didn't mean to hit you.. baby."

I flinch, my heart quitting. He just called me baby.

Why does that feel so familiar?

"I'm.." I couldn't finish, and start to sob, dissolving into his hug as he holds me.

"I.. I fucking suck. I'm so fucking sorry.. Soujiro," Kenshin keeps whispering and couldn't make any sentences, so he just hugs me tighter, "Okay. Let's get out of here. I'm so sorry.."

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 _I'm sorry, too.._

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We decided to go out for a drive. I sit next to Kenshin in his pick up truck and he drives us far from home. I don't know where he is taking us, but after crying so much.. I don't really have the energy to ask. Or, care about it, really. As long as he's with me and he loves me.. that's all that matters. I can't let him know too much about me. I can't let him know about how I tracked him down in the first place. I can't let him know how I threatened my father and out his secrets unless he moved us to Kyoto. I can't let him know about my sexual past with.. I bite my lower lip, looking at my lap. No. I can't. I look at Kenshin as he focuses intensely at the road ahead. I can't let him know of any of those things. He'd stop loving me if he did. And I refuse to let that happen.

Whatever it takes.

"Listen," Kenshin starts, sighing, "I'm sorry I was such a colossal douchebag to you today. Let me make it up."

I smile weakly, "How?"

He turns to me, grinning, "I want to see it. I want to see Tokyo."

"Don't even joke about that." I warn him sternly, looking at the window next to me, "Besides, it's six hours away by car."

"I'm down for the challenge."

 _"No."_

I hear his crisp laughter, "Alright alright, sheesh! Fine, not Tokyo. What about something nearer but still cool?"

"Like what?"

"Like.. Osaka?"

I sigh, "We didn't bring our clothes or anything with us."

"You got your wallet and money, right?"

"Yeah?"

"And your phone, obviously?"

"Duh."

"And so did I. We'll live."

"You'll skip hanging out with your friends just to be with me?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely. Fuck them, they'll survive without us. I like being with you way more."

My heart weakens. Kenshin.

"You don't mean that." I laugh nonchalantly.

It's quiet for a moment.

"I do."

My eyes snap open and I turn my head slowly to look at him, and he finally looks back at me, with a smile on his face that I have never seen before. It looks so honest and unassuming, unlike his usual sarcastic simpers. I think I forgot how to breathe. He looks back on the road to focus again, and I also look back in front of me too. Holy shit. That really does it. I can't let this man go. Not for anything in the world. I love him. I'm so in love with him, it's probably going to kill me soon.

"Osaka, here we come." I smile to myself, and I can hear him smirking in agreement.

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"You picked a great hotel once again." Kenshin laughs as he slam dunks himself into this huge master bed, "Let me guess, does your father come here often with his work buddies, too?"

"No. This is my first time ever here." I leap into the bed to cuddle with him, "I think it's nice. Making my own traditions."

"Oooh," He growls playfully, pulling me up so that I am straddling his lap, "Is this a feistier version of Soujiro? Me likey."

I smirk with my brows furrowed in slight confusion, "You're weird."

"And you're hot." He takes my face with his hands and pulls me down, kissing me just as I sigh in pleasure.

We had sex and then we have a shower together. Once we are back in the room waiting for our hair to dry, Kenshin flips through his mobile phone to try to find a nearby attraction for us to do. He said he wants to spend the holidays here in Osaka with me. I told him that he's crazy, and asked him about Hiko and Kaoru. What will they think? How will they feel about us being gone for several days without them? Kenshin could only shrug and mutters, "Don't care."

I let my eyes slip close upon hearing that. As much as I love him, he can be such a pain in the ass. And then, I smile. Even if he is a pain in the ass, he's still mine and I am so happy for that. There's still so much for me to do in order to secure a future with him. I was afraid of committing myself to him before because I wanted to somehow take things slow between us. I didn't know if my secrets could stay close if he tried to move the relationship too fast for my liking. But now? I'm welcoming the speed it's picking up between us. It might mean moving some objectives around in my long term scheduling and plans, but.. I think I can manage. I'd have to work extra hard at hiding secrets from him, but if it means I can have a future with him.. A real future filled with love every single day between us for the rest of our lives.. then I'll do it. Whatever it takes.

"Let's go to the movie theaters. There's this new movie that just came out that I've been meaning to watch." I suggest, turning on the small coffee machine in the kitchen, "It's the one with the super heroes in it."

"Yeah, I think I know the one you're talking about. Okay. Sure." Kenshin fiddles some more on his mobile phone, which I'm assuming he's on a movie ticket app to reserve us the seats at the nearby theaters. When we get married, I'll be sure that we keep having these sorts of dates together. When I was little, I can still remember how lonely my mother would look while dad was too busy with work to take her outside. Sure, she'd have her rich friends to go out to brunch with, but.. it's not the same. Love is never the same as friendship. Love is different, and deeper, and so much important than anything else in the world. It broke my heart seeing my mother like that. And I vow to never end up like her, or make Kenshin end up like her.

Our marriage is going to be so loving and full of passion.

I'll make sure of that.

As we sip coffee to warm ourselves up from that shower, we sit together on the bed while watching TV. I lean my head on his shoulder and sigh, "I can't wait till we're married."

"You're adorable." He sighs.

"Where would you like to get married?"

"On Mars."

I roll my eyes, scoffing. He laughs.

"I'm kidding! Um. I don't know. Do you have any place in mind, Soujiro?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe we can try someplace European."

"I'd like that."

...

"Hey, Soujiro?"

"Yeah?"

"Where did your parents got married?"

"Believe it or not, in Paris. Same place I was born, too. It was meant to be, I guess."

"Would you.." Kenshin hesitates and I look up at him, "Would you like.. to get married there, too?"

I blink, "Why?"

He winces, "I mean. Yeah, maybe shit was fucked up between your parents. And maybe your dad was a fucking dick to your mom, abandoning her like that when she gave birth to you. But.. maybe that's why we should get married there. Erase all that omen from that place and replace it with a beautiful memory, instead. The memory of us, and.."

He blushes and I melt on the inside. Oh, Kenshin!

"You mean it?" I set my coffee cup down on the night table next to the bed on my side before I hug his waist, "Everything you're saying right now?"

"Sure. Why would I be lying?" He grins sheepishly, and then his smiles relaxes, "I love you, Soujiro. I only want you to have good things in life, now. I promise to be better to you. So much better. And like I said.. I want Paris to be the memory of us, and of love. Not of pain."

I couldn't hold myself back and kissed him right there and then. A sweet, closed lipped one. But a very deep kiss, for sure. In that kiss, we made our vows in spirit.

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We're now at the movie theaters. We didn't see a lot of people coming in, but I guess it kinda goes without saying. It's the major holiday season, and most people want to spend some private time with families instead of being out and about. That makes Kenshin and I extremely lucky. We're sitting all the way in the back, with just random people dotting the place here and there way below from us. And while they had their eyes glued on the screen, focusing on the movie.. I am suckling on the sensitive head of Kenshin's hard cock, saliva spilling from my chin and dripping down on his inner thighs. I'm trying my best to stay quiet, despite the natural sucking or squelching noises from such an activity. Kenshin's also doing great at staying quiet, though I can tell he's about ready to explode in my mouth any second now.

 _"Kenshin.."_ I whisper, carefully getting on my knees to the floor below my seat, maneuvering myself so that I can be in between his legs and continue to pleasure him orally. Kenshin tastes the best I've ever had. I've been fucked by at least a dozen males in my life, and had a few tastes from them too. But Kenshin fucking wins by a long stretch. What is it about him that tastes so good? Maybe love is blind. But seriously! He tastes better than my favorite desserts!

He looks so helpless and in shock at the beautiful sight below him. The love of his life, sucking and deep throating him, with my brilliant blue eyes shining even in the dark room. I know I'm very attractive and know how to use it to my advantage.

It only took a few minutes, but he finally cums in my mouth. I slip his softening cock out of my mouth before showing him my tongue, drenched with his semen. He's biting his fist all the while to hold his own moans from the blow job before, and now he's just sitting there still biting out of the amazing view of me being his personal cum dumpster.

He finally lets go of his fist from his mouth, shaking his head with a scoffing smirk, _"Damn."_

Indeed.

Kenshin wants to return the favor, so we sneak out in the middle of the movie quietly to go outside behind the building. From there, Kenshin has his jeans down around his ankles while I took mines off completely. It's pretty cold, but we don't care. I have my legs wrapped around his hips and have my back supported by leaning on the brick exterior of the theater, one hand on his right shoulder, and my other hand gripping on a plastic box that's sticking out from the wall. I think it's for controlling the electricity for the lights inside the building. I grip on it as Kenshin plunges his cock into me, and since it feels like nobody is around to hear us, I let myself moan and pant and sigh in pleasure at each of his thrusts.

 _"You, have, the,"_ I breathe at every pump of his cock going in and out of me, _"Best, cock, I, ever, had!"_

 _"Fuck,"_ Kenshin breathes into my ear as he slumps his head into the crane of my neck, still thrusting, _"I'd stay inside of you.. forever.. if I could.."_

I wrap my arms around his neck, enjoying the ride. Fuck, this feels unbelievable. He wasn't easy to catch, but I'm reaping the fruits of my hard labor. I'm never going to let him go. I think, if I ever tell him the hard truth about myself, I wonder if maybe he loves me enough to stay with me anyway. It'd be an interesting theory to test out. And yet.. I'm deathly afraid of the repercussions of taking such actions. Why would I want to do that for? Haven't I suffered enough in this life? Hasn't Kenshin also suffered enough in this lifetime, too? Can't we just be together and fucking ignore the technicalities?

Like how I Facebook stalked him for almost a year prior to moving to Kyoto? That I actually did get expelled from one school and had to be put away in a specialty school in Russia for unruly, disobedient children? That I really am a no good fucking liar? That I do have many more secrets up my sleeves that would shock the absolute hell out of anyone if they came to light? No. I won't do that. I am not going to tell Kenshin the truth. Maybe that will be my eternal punishment for my sin in loving people of my sex. I don't care. I'll take it, if it means I get to keep Kenshin with me. I don't fucking care anymore.

I grip hard on Kenshin's clothed back as I feel him shoot his hot cum inside of me.

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We went back to the hotel after that. We didn't even finish the stupid movie. Not that we cared. We were so beat after we fucked hard behind the movie theater, anyway. We can always pirate the movie or something later on. It was around eleven at night when we got back inside our room and Kenshin groan while rubbing his head, "Shall we wash up?"

"I'm too tired." I grumble, rubbing my hand over my hair. It's gotten messy.

"Let's at least try. We were acting like animals back there," Kenshin chuckles under his breath as he gets himself undressed, "I'll wash your hair for you."

"You really don't have to do that."

"You're right. I _want to._ Now stop being uppity and follow me to the bathroom."

Before I could even respond, he grabs my wrist and nearly drags me into the spacious bathroom to go into the walk in shower. It's nice, but it's not like my walk in shower. I take a seat on the corner inside of the shower as Kenshin fiddles with the knobs to turn on the hot water all over us. And he really did wash my hair like he said he would. I purr happily as he rubs the sweet scented shampoo into my hair, despite how tired I am. After the showering, we head for bed. Kenshin placed some towels over the pillows so as to keep everything else dry from our soaking wet hair. Everything always feels so comfortable and safe when I'm around Kenshin. I remember him telling me some stories about how he had to fend for himself because Hiko was either working or getting too drunk to do it for him. And it's not like he had his biological father or mother around either. So, Kenshin learned to adapt.

There's a lot of things in life I take for granted because of my family wealth. I can only hope to be self-sufficient and practical around the small things in life like Kenshin is.

We cuddle after he turned out the lights. He feels so warm and strong and like I would never have to fear anything ever again when I'm in his arms. Especially after I saw how good he was at fighting other people.. it made him even hotter than I thought. It took so much out of me that day when I met up with Shishio and his gang to not kiss Kenshin for saving me. God, he looked so handsome when he's ready to kick ass. I let my eyes flutter close with a happy sigh, rubbing my cheek into the crane of his neck, and he embraces me tighter. My heart melts. What was I thinking before? About keeping my distance from this amazing, wonderful guy? I was so stupid, and I probably still am. But I've learned my lessons now. I really do want to build a real relationship with him.

Can I build a relationship on a pile of lies?

Only one way to find out, of course.

I let the promise of sleep wash over me.

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It's New Years Eve. I asked Kenshin if he wanted to go back home to Kyoto. I thought he'd be dying to go back so that he can see Hiko and his friends again. Such a special time of the year to be among loved ones, after all. But he surprised me and said he's not interested and that he had already told everyone that he's with me. I looked at him, stunned and completely in the nude while we were both showering, "Are you for real?"

"Huh?" He blinks, and then laughs, "Duh! I don't wanna go home just yet!"

"What would.." I looked down, blushing, "What would they think, though?"

"Dude, I told you; I told everyone that you were fucking upset about something and that we decided to go see your mother's grave for the holidays as well as meeting your other family members. I'm somewhat of a good liar if I say so myself!"

I flinch inwardly. If only you knew.

"What about.." I click my tongue, careful of what to choose the next words, ".. What about your girlfriend, Kaoru?"

"What about her?" He steps behind me to wrap his arms around me, burying his face in the back of my neck, "You're my boyfriend now, Soujiro. It's you who gets priority over her."

I chuckle, "Wow! Isn't her father dying from cancer, though?"

Silence. I don't know if it's the water drumming inside my ears, or my heartbeat, but I'm suddenly feeling nervous. Why is he quiet now all of a sudden? What's going on? I step away from his embrace and turn around, looking at him. He is now looking at the floor, dejected. I can feel my eyes losing focus.. or is that from the water?

"Kenshin..?"

He suddenly turns around and turns off the water with the push of a button, and my heartbeat takes over my senses. What's going on? Is he going to tell me something bad? Am I emotionally ready to take on the news? Is he.. is he going to break up with me? At the thought of that, my breath hitches and I walk forward to hug him, "Kenshin, please! Please tell me what's wrong! I'm scared! Please don't break up with me!"

He takes my shoulders with his palms to gently move me away from him so that I can look up at his face. Into those beautiful, lilac eyes.

"Soujiro, I.." He winces, ".. I.. Don't know how to tell you this. I had thought we had a really good time together here that maybe.. Maybe I could tell you something that I've been hiding from you."

I look at him, waiting.

"That day when I was supposed to break up with her.. With Kaoru.. do you remember?"

I still look at him, waiting. Dying.

He takes a couple of uneasy breaths, steadying himself, ".. I slept with her. I've been sleeping with her while I'm also dating you. I.. I only lied to you because.. Because I was afraid of los-!"

I couldn't help myself. I step back and immediately smacked him across the face, my heart shattering in a million pieces anyway.

 _"How could you do that?!"_ I damn near screamed, watching Kenshin as he cradles his injured cheek in his hand and unable to look at me anymore, _"How could you sleep with her like that?!"_

He lets out a dry sob, uncharacteristically trying to get away from me by opening the shower glass door to get out, but I stop him with my grip.

 _"Tell me why!"_ I start to sob uncontrollably, _"At least tell me what she has that I don't!"_

He whips around and just hugs me, and while one half of me loves the contact to soothe this pain I'm feeling.. the other half wants to shove him out of the walk-in shower and probably keep on hitting him some more. I always did felt some sort of jealousy of the bond shared between Kenshin and her, but.. I never thought she'd be brave enough to lose her virginity like that. I remember the time I took her to that expensive tea shop and her asking me what it's like to lose my virginity. I teased her by asking her why in the world did she wanted to know about that. If only I knew what her demure smile and her blushing meant! She had Kenshin on her mind, that bitch! I'm so fucking stupid! I told her that if she really did loved somebody.. that maybe it is the right time to do it. Why didn't I told her to fucking wait until marriage or some other bullshit!?

 _"I did it! I told her to fuck you! Of course it's my fault!"_ I let myself fall on my knees now, wailing in my hands, _"I'm so fucking stupid!"_

"What?" He replies hoarsely, frowning and shaking his head, "No. That doesn't make any sense.."

"She asked me about what it felt like to lose innocence and I fucking told her that if she loved that other person.. that she should just lose it to them.. I never.." I dry heave from the force of my sobbing, "I never thought it was you she was talking about!"

He moves himself carefully to take a seat in the shower, stunned, ".. Of course.."

I lean back on the wall behind me, staring at the shower heads above me exasperately, "What a fucking fool I was.. maybe I deserved that. For pushing you away when you wanted a real relationship with me.. For being so selfish and afraid of everything.. It's all me.. It's all.."

I couldn't finish. I weep into my hands, sliding down until my bottom smacks on the wet floor. I wept for many minutes, or maybe for an hour or so or however long it took until my eyes felt sore and dried out. When all I could muster were quiet gasps and hiccups, Kenshin finally asks me in a soft voice, "I told you one truth. Will you tell me one truth, now?"

My eyes flicker over to him and I chuckle sadly, shaking my head, "Yeah. Sure."

Silence.

I sigh, "What do you want to know?"

"How did you find me?"

"I was telling you the truth before. Facebook. You hardly exist on the internet, except there.." I look down to look at my nail beds for no reason, ".. I lied about finding you a month prior to me moving to Kyoto, truth be told It was actually about a year before I moved to Kyoto. I had just came back home to Tokyo after my sophomore year in Russia. My father had high hopes that I'd behave this time. I was in trouble because of what happened between that teacher and I, and my father sent me to Russia. It's a tough school for unruly children, and I think they straightened me out some. But my junior year in Tokyo.. I felt so empty and I hated everything and everybody. My grades began to suffer.. I had nothing to look forward to. I was coming to terms about me being gay and being raised by a father who wanted a normal son."

Kenshin reaches out his hand to me, and I take it. He hauls me off from the floor and has me sit on his lap, cuddling with me.

I continue the story, "I did tried to keep it together, though. I didn't wanted to fail myself after all of my hard work previously in school, and I do wanted to take over the Seta Enterprise. But I remember one day browsing through Facebook and saw one of my father's friends posting some pictures of Kyoto. Something about, how much he missed being home in Kyoto and how it's just not the same even if Tokyo is amazing. That man's name.. is Nakama Shinomori."

Kenshin makes a startled sound and looks at me with widen eyes, and I smile sadly at him, "Sound familiar?"

"Aoshi's father is your father's friend?" He asks breathlessly in complete disbelief.

I nod to affirm, "Yes. They've been friends since their university years. Sometimes the contact and the visits after their graduation wanes. They'd sometimes go without talking or visiting each others' family or business functions for years. I've met Aoshi maybe once when I was like five years old. But after that, I just don't know much about him. It isn't until when Aoshi moved away from Kyoto to go to college that he messaged me on Facebook to ask about how my my father and I were doing, and to send condolences about my mother. We strike up a simple friendship online, and I'd look at his stuff out of boredom at times. And then one day.. he posted an old photo of himself with his childhood friends from Kyoto. Can you guess who were in the photo? I saw him with his arm wrapped over the shoulders of a striking red haired kid, along with Sanosuke, Kaoru and Misao.

I became intrigued by this redhead and asked Aoshi about it on Facebook messenger. He said, oh, that's just Kenshin. And my heart did a dance. Kenshin? I looked at his friends list and my heart stopped when I see 'Himura Kenshin' below the profile picture of a young man with long red hair. I read your poems on it. Your random ramblings and rants, your stupid jokes that makes no sense but for some reason your friends would reply with laughter. I looked through your photos. The best ones are the few selfies where I get to see those gorgeous eyes up close. I really fell so fucking hard for you. And I know what you're thinking. How can you fall in love with someone that you haven't even shared one word with? I don't know how to answer that either. But I knew I had to meet you. And so, after my junior year ended and summer began, I begged my father to move us to Kyoto."

"Holy shit.." Kenshin whispers to nobody in particular, wide eyes staring at the space in front of him, "I had a feeling.. that you were stalking me or something before you moved to Kyoto. But.. I never would've believed it completely until now.."

I cringe, "Are you.. mad at me?"

His eyes blinks rapidly at that question and he turns to look at me, smiling in a strange way, "W-what? No. No! I'm.. I'm flattered, Soujiro. Maybe it's a bit psychotic, but.. I'm glad you found me online. I'm glad you moved to Kyoto to hunt me down. I'm so.. happy that you didn't gave up on me. Because now.. I'm hopelessly in love with you. I'm sorry for what I did to you, Soujiro.."

I lean in and he instinctively move in for a kiss. We stay like that with our lips locked for a full minute before parting.

"I forgive you. But.." I look down at his chest painfully, "This means that we.. We have to be honest with Kaoru. Because.. I won't allow you to date her anymore. _Especially_ fucking her anymore. I want you to be mine. All mine."

"But what if," He hesitates, "What if I lose her as a friend?"

"We won't lose her. There's no way. She and all the others.. they love you a lot, don't they?"

He looks at the floor, thinking.

"I don't know.." He mumbles though I could barely hear him.

I sigh, saddened. This won't be easy, I think. Kenshin went and did the most fucked up thing to another person; taking their innocence away without the promise of happily ever after. I don't know how he's going to fix this if he does tell her the truth. I don't know how the rest of the group is going to react to the two of us being together like this, either. Will they accept our love? Will they continue to stay our friends while Kenshin and I are dating each other? Though we would know better than to be physically affectionate out in public and especially in front of our friends.. Will they still behave comfortably and normally around us with the knowledge of what we do behind closed doors? Can we salvage the beautiful friendships we have with all of them?

Does this mean I have to start all over again? Move away and make a new life in a place where no one knows me?

Will this mean I have to take Kenshin along with me, too?

Will father ever approve of this?

...

No. Of course he wouldn't. My father told me my entire life that he wants me to marry a beautiful woman, and to have a family with her. And I did tried to like girls, but it never felt natural. It was like something would always block me or get in the way of me enjoying myself with women in a romantic setting. Having had clumsy sex with one had cemented the theory that I am an immovable homosexual. There is nothing I can do to change this, though many people do go on to marry someone of the opposite sex anyway and just stay closeted. I was hoping I did not have to become one of those people, though.. It's not like Kenshin and I could just have a quick wedding here whenever we want despite our legal age. It's still not legal to marry him here in Japan.

It feels like the whole world is against my love for him.

I don't know how much more I can take.

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"Tell me what you're going to say to her."

We're out of the shower and now in our hotel bed room again. Kenshin sits on the edge of the bed and has his head hung, completely at a loss for words. In his hand, is his mobile phone. On the screen, is Kaoru's contact details, and all he has to do is press that small round blue "call" button. All he has to do is confess to her and then break up with her. That's all he has to do. But he's hesistating. I know that this can feel like the hardest thing in the world, but dammit, Kenshin! If you don't do this now.. it can only get worse the longer we drag this on behind her back! We can't keep lying to her or the other guys anymore! We can't live in secrecy and pretend that that would make us happy. It clearly doesn't based on our experiences together thus far, so we have to end it. The lies, I mean.

".. I.." Kenshin finally speaks, wincing.

"Come on, Kenshin," I ease in with a warm smile, walking over in order to sit down next to him, "I'm right here next to you. If she cries or freaks out and hangs up, I'll be right here by your side. Even if the world goes against you.. at least you'll have your principles in tact. Right?"

"But these are my friends.." He whispers, his eyes going out of focus as he stares at the phone in his hand.

I deflate, "They love you a lot, don't they? If they do get mad at you, I doubt they'll just drop you like that after over a decade of friendship, right? And if they are looking for someone to punch or slap, they can come find me. I'll volunteer as sacrifice."

He shakes his head, "I won't let them hurt you."

"Then.." I look at my hands and then his phone, "Do you want to just wait till we go back home and tell them in person?"

He straightens up and looks at me head on, nodding, "I think that's better."

"Okay." I smile sadly, and I watch as his eyes lower to my mouth before leaning in to kiss me.

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 _"I'm scared, Soujiro."_

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 _"Me too."_

(To be continued)


	20. Forgiven

_Author's Note: Hey everyone! Hope you all had a great week! It's getting so nice and warm out here and it's giving me the kind of inspiration to keep on writing! I'm glad you liked the previous update, Satani! This update is with you in mind! ;) Have a great weekend and see you next Friday! I just want to preface this by saying, since I'm so tired from work today, that I couldn't really edit much and there might be a few errors and awkward phrasing, so I hope it's not too obvious for my readers. Anyway, enjoy!_

 ** _Warning: Lots of fluff and a few strong sexual themes in this chapter! Viewer discretion is advised!_**

* * *

 _"_ _We make up for so much time a little too late  
_ _I never forgot it, confusing as it was  
_ _No fun with no guilt feelings  
_ _The sinners, the saviors, the lover-less priests  
_ _I'll see you next Sunday."_

 _\- Alanis Morissette_

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After that heavy conversation, I realized it's only one in the afternoon. Soujiro was really hurt by my confession, and I knew I really have to make it up to him somehow. We have to travel back home tomorrow at New Year's Day since we have school the day afterwards. There are still some things we can do while we're here in Osaka. I don't want him to go back home and feel worse about having to face the woman with whom I slept with behind his back. And so, while Soujiro is in the bathroom freshening himself up, I look through those stupid little city attraction brochures that every hotels like to give you. They were hidden neatly in the night table on my side of the bed, along with a small leather bound Bible book. Which is a strange sight to behold; this country doesn't practice Western Christianity much, unless this hotel is trying to attract (and retain) their American consumer base with this nonsense. In which case, kudos for being a bunch of boot lickers. Ugh.

Anyway.

So far, Soujiro and I have done a lot of couple-like shit: Eating out in restaurants. Shopping together. Going to the zoo.. okay, maybe that one doesn't count. Not to mention I pushed him like the little bitch that I am. I cringe internally at that memory. I'm such an asshole. Okay, okay, what else? We went to the movie theaters together. I smile to myself, remembering _that_ from last night. Man, that was so hot. We went to the arcade together, and got pizza together. That was fun. Okay, what else did we do together.. We went camping together.. okay, neither does that one count. I deflate. Okay, well, at least we went out to a boat ride in a swan shaped contraption. I smirked to myself, remembering his face at how disappointed he was at that suggestion. He's so cute, I swear.

I wish I could've taken him to the dance. Even if just as friends. None of that shit with Kaoru wouldn't have happened if we did that together. Fuck. I can't believe I've done all of that. Especially to him. And to her. What the hell is wrong with me.

Okay, focus, Kenshin! What can we do to start doing better _today_ rather than focusing on the shitty fucking past? How can we make Soujiro happy again?

Well.. according to the brochures, there's an aquarium nearby that we can check out together. I don't know about you, but I like sharks and octopuses and sting rays. My father Hiko would always take me to these places when I was little, and he'd always joked that maybe I should become a seaman and live in a lighthouse someday. I remember he would read me a story book about the lone seaman who fell in love with a mermaid, and how he would wait for her every night to give her a small present. I forgot how the story ended, but.. I remember how good the dreams were whenever he would read me that story. I think when I come back home to Kyoto soon, I'll have to search for that book and maybe read it to Soujiro. Because I think that's what a good boyfriend would do. Right? Right.

Me, a seaman living in a lighthouse, though? I think such a dream would still be feasible, have I not met Soujiro later on. What I mean is, maybe he wouldn't like that kind of lifestyle. Soujiro strikes me as someone who likes living in an actual house, away from the sea as much as possible. But who knows, right? Maybe I should ask him later. This other brochure says that there's also a big museum nearby that has different sections of the following: Century paintings and sculptures, dinosaur history, and the human body. Okay, that one seems really cool! I'd like to know what I look like on the inside. What? I already said I'm a bit macabre in my ways and it shows in my artwork. Plus I need some inspiration for my new works. So sue me! And lastly, this other brochure writes about the Osaka Castle that Soujiro and I could take a tour in.

Man. So many choices to choose from!

Soujiro comes out of the bathroom, dressed in a black long sleeved turtleneck sweater, skinny jeans, and black-and-white boat shoes. It's a simple outfit, but just by looking at the fabrics and how everything is cut and tailored to him, you would guess they all came from a very high end store. It's modest yet classy. Back then, I would've flared up in envy at the sight of him; Right now, though, I am flaring up with the burning desire by looking at this magnificent creature. His body looks so good no matter what clothes he's wearing. How is he so handsome? I bet his mother was a stunning woman back then. His father seems passable, but I'm willing to bet Soujiro got his looks from his maternal genes. Is it too late to fuck him now before we head outside for our adventures? Soujiro brows furrows while his lips curls into a knowing smile, as if he realizes what I'm thinking judging by the look on my face. Oh well. We can fuck later on tonight if we want to. I set the brochures on the bed and nodded at their direction, "Pick one."

"I pick you~" He coos as he hops over to where I am and wraps his arms around my neck, to which I also wrap my arms around his waist to swing him gently from side to side.

Yeah. We're dumb as fuck.

"I love you too. But seriously, pick a brochure and let's go out."

"Okay, let me see here," Soujiro bends on his knees in front of the bed to take a gander at his three choices, "An aquarium. That sounds nice. I like looking at shit swimming around."

I chuckle. Oh, Soujiro.

"A museum.. I like museums a lot, so that's a really good one so far." Soujiro ponders to himself, cupping his chin with his hand.

"I like museums, too." I help out, crossing my arms behind my back.

"And.." Soujiro's eyes fall on the last brochure, "The Osaka Castle?"

He looks back up at me and I shrug, "Yeah. Why not?"

"Well, castles are cool and all, and this one looks older than all of our dads combined.. Sure, why not. Then again, though, the other two looks really tempting. I'm not sure which ones I want to do first. This is honestly hard to choose!"

I chuckle, bending down next to him to look at the brochures together, "Yeah. Who would've thought Osaka had a lot of cool things to check out."

"Shall we just pick one at random?"

"How?"

"Eenie Meenie Miney Mo?"

My eyebrow cocks up at him, "Wow. Really? You're mature."

He giggles, "What! I don't know how else to choose! They're all really great choices!"

"I know what I want to do later on tonight. I want to catch on the fireworks show for the countdown. Then we can walk around or something and see what else we can find."

"If we're not too tired, sure." Soujiro leans his head on my shoulder with a sigh, "I love doing things like this with you."

I blush, "Geez."

I wanted to reply back: I love doing everything with you, too. I want to spend the rest of my life doing everything in this world with you, and only you. I can't wait for our relationship to be out in public. I don't know how my friendships are going to change or even suffer altogether with Kaoru being the one getting the heartbreak this time.. But, as much as I love and care for Kaoru, it will somehow be worth it if it means I get to be with you, Soujiro. I know I should feel shitty for saying that. And I do. At the same time.. I've never felt so happy and loved in my life like this before. I don't ever want to lose it. Not for anything. I'll do whatever it takes to make it work.

Okay, that does it, he looks too good in that black turtleneck. I give him a sweet peck on his cheek and he blushes, "What was that about?"

"Nothing. You're just so cute." I snuggle up to him.

He makes a humming sound, "You're too much."

"Nah."

"Okay, I'm going to Meenie Miney Mo this and you can't laugh at me!" Soujiro shuts his eyes and starts the game while pointing at the brochures, making me laugh in return, "Eenie Meenie Miney Mo.."

I watch him with a smile as he does his little song, just thinking what else I can do to make him feel better about my harsh confession. I'm forever sorry for cheating on him like that. What was I thinking? Did I really just thought of nobody else except myself at that moment? I guess I do need to have better morals in general. All my life, I thought I was real and brutally honest with people and with myself. But I guess these experiences are showing me otherwise. I'm actually quite a selfish person, when it comes down to it. Soujiro is pretty much not, though I think he can be a pushover sometimes. I feel like, together, we can balance each other a bit better. He can show me how to think of other people more. I can show him how to stand up for himself. We can be each others' strengths and downplay the weaknesses. I think Soujiro and I have a really wonderful and beneficial relationship. A relationship that can help us both grow as people.

".. I. Pick." Soujiro points his finger at the Aquarium brochure, "You!"

"Good job, you toddler." I make a snide remark while rubbing my face into his neck to tickle him, "We're going to the aquarium, then."

"Oh, awesome! I was hoping my finger would land that one the most!"

"You really like marine life?"

"Do I!" He smiles. I look at him for a moment, admiring his face. I have to kiss him again! He flinches when our lips lock contact together, but then kisses me back, "Mmm."

I had to jerk myself back after a while because I could feel my arousal seeping in, "Let's just go before we end up fucking each other."

He giggles, "Sure!"

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 _hey kenshin, it's kaoru. i really miss you and love you. xoxo_

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Twenty minutes later, we arrive to the city aquarium. This place is huge and jam packed. Guess we weren't the only ones with the same idea today. We bought our tickets at the reception booth and walk inside, where the first attractions are the huge water tanks all around us displaying the smaller fishes. Fishes of all different shapes, sizes, colors, and species. Soujiro and I walk side by side, but we don't hold hands or show any public displays of affection. Though we obviously don't know anyone here, and nobody knows us here in Osaka.. we're worried about the possibility of being faced with a report photographer who might recognize the son of The Seta Enterprise. Better safe than sorry. I doubt they'll get any dirt on Soujiro today when he's just doing innocent stuff like this in public. And if they do take our pictures without our awareness, what are they going to say? _"Seta Son Caught Checking Out Fishes With Street Thug"_? Eat my entire ass, public media.

Maybe Soujiro and I should get married and live abroad on a permanent basis. I said Paris before, but maybe living in Canada wouldn't be so bad. Japan knows who Soujiro is, and maybe being in a different country might give us some anonymity. Maybe not completely, but close enough so as to live comfortably together in privacy. Soujiro deserves that, and more. I can see it now; we'd live in a small cabin style house, and chop up our own wood to get a fire going in the living room. We'll eat fresh vegetables and wild fish caught by the lake, and watch the sun rise and sun set together while snuggling up in a big ass blanket on the front porch. It'll be a really simple yet sweet life together. No more shame or fears or having to be apart for any more than necessary. I didn't think I'd find my future spouse so soon at age eighteen.. but I guess freakier shit have happened in real life, so who am I to say shit?

We venture slowly deeper into the place until we entered the Shark Hallway. Yes! Finally! I suddenly lose my usual cool composure and start running around like a child to look up and all around, seeing these sharks of all different sizes swimming around us. The darkness of the room, with the lights inside these water tanks, creates such a beautiful ambiance that's hard to capture on film, so I don't bother taking my mobile phone out to take pictures. I think I'll just remember these moments by heart only. I watch with child like wonder as a small Pygmy shark waddles through the water in front of me. Soujiro soon catches up with me, walking and chuckling at my childish enthusiasm for the sharks.

"I see you're a fan of them, too." He crosses his arms in front of his chest, his smirk a tie between smug and one of good natured humor.

I beam at him, "Dude! Do you think we'll catch the great white shark here soon?"

He takes a look around, humming, "I don't know. Will it be here? It's a pretty big guy, isn't he?"

"Could be a girl too," I muse to myself, also looking around at the flurry of sharks floating and swimming around us, "Don't laugh. But those Jaws movies traumatized me as a child. I never thought I'd end up loving sharks after growing up."

He purses his lips and brings his fist up to them, whispering, "God, you're so cute."

I blush and sneer at him, "Shut up."

He drops his fist, eyes suddenly serious and coy, "Make me."

I whip around to see if anyone's watching. Aside from one couple who are reading something on their phones and having their backs turned from us, there's no one else to look at us. At that, I look back at him. The bluish glow from the tanks are making his eyes much more magnetic than usual. I can't believe I'm on yet another date with this angel. I take his face in my hands before kissing him. With the sharks swimming all around us, and the coolness of the air conditioner that blasts from the corners of the floor.. coupled with the wetness and the warmth of his mouth and tongue, my heart couldn't beat faster if it tried. I'm in love with this moment. I'm in love with this trip. With all of it.

With you, Soujiro.

I hear someone coughing from behind us and we step away from each other. I think the couple from before spotted us and felt awkward. Ugh. Seriously, fuck them! We're not doing anything wrong! I'm not doing anything bad by loving him! What is wrong with this world and how they look at people like us? I don't get it. How is it that Japan is still so fucking homophobic when the rest of the world have more or less accepted it? When are we going to evolve from this crap? Now I understand why Soujiro feels so hesitant before about getting into a relationship with me; Homophobia's no joke in this country. My friends have done their share at making cracks against gays and lesbians, so it just kinda goes without saying. You can get yourself killed if the wrong person catches you. Like Makoto Shishio and his idiotic friends. They're not exactly fans of people like Soujiro. As the couple leaves, we take our time in looking at the other sharks before also moving on to the next section of the aquarium.

I'm going to stop having negative thoughts now. I'm supposed to make Soujiro feel better, remember?

Next stop, octopuses!

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"That was fun." Soujiro sighs happily as we both walk out of the aquarium. It really was fun; all of the octopuses and sting rays and starfishes and clams were there and we saw all of them like we were kids in a candy store. We looked around in their little gift shop at the end of the it, but we didn't see anything to take home with us, so we left pretty much empty handed. I think we'll find some other souvenirs for our loved ones back home. The weather dipped lower so we put on our respective jackets and zip up. It's around three in the afternoon now, and since I brought the other brochures with me, I figure I'd whip them out and see what we could do next. But first, I decide to take Soujiro to Starbucks for some coffee since I can tell he's looking a bit sleepy. Nothing like a little caffeine to perk up this baby boy. I wish to all hell that I could happily and freely share my affection with him out in public, but I know we can't. It's not just because we are a same sex couple; he's a famous dude and I'm just a weird looking kid that intimidates people just by appearances alone. I don't think Soujiro's father would appreciate reading in the morning papers about his son sharing spit with a trashy punk rock teenager in the middle of the street.

So, we just have to pretend that we are just friends, and nothing more.

Fucking kill me.

We sit in the cafe and I insist on paying for our drinks. Soujiro blinks at me, wide eyed. I smirk, winking at him, and he softens with a smile. He's done so much for me that it's only fair that I help out as much as I can. Like I said before, Hiko gives me a nice weekly allowance, and I have a bit of it left over from last week so as to pay for these drinks. We both got regular lattes and drank them together while chatting and laughing together at the things we'd find on our mobile phones. I shouldn't like doing this kind of thing with people, but strangely enough, doing this with Soujiro doesn't seem so bad. He makes everything bearable, even the bad stuff like studying for mid-terms or obeying the rules when necessary. Soujiro soothes me. He makes everything so much better.

Kaoru and the gang would text us every so often to check in with us and to see how we're doing. We always have an excuse to disarm them each and every time. We'd even send them some pictures or silly selfies of us doing stupid faces at the camera, and they'd reply back with their own dumb pictures and memes. Nobody suspected a thing. It's kinda eerie, now that I think about it. How is it that they haven't suspected that something is going on between Soujiro and I? We're practically joined at the hips and would disappear together alone to do things without them. So why aren't they asking any questions?

It all just seems so strange. And yet, I don't mind this at all. Maybe it's good that they trust us.

Even if we don't deserve their trusts at all anymore.

"I wonder how they'll react to our confessions.." I finish the last bit of my latte after I said that.

Soujiro deflates, "I don't know.. I do hope we can all stay friends despite that. I really can't see them just up and abandoning you just because you sometimes think with your dick."

I laugh harshly, "Shit. That was harsh. But true."

He chuckles, "Sorry! Didn't mean to. I doubt anything will happen. Anything bad, I mean. I mean, it might be tense for a while, but.. I think we'll pull through. I'm just really worried about Kaoru, though."

I shudder, "Yeah. I feel sorry for her the most."

"You've known her for a really long time, huh?"

"Since we were almost babies. Shit. Twelve years and running. Do you have any old friends that you still talk to?"

"Yeah, on Facebook. Those friends I've made in Russia sometimes ask me if I ever want to meet up with them during the summer and when school is out for all of us.."

I remember now. That photo of him with that girl. Maybe they never really went out after all. I mean, if he knew he was gay around that time period, I highly doubt he'd be interested in messing around with girl like that.

"Are you going to visit them this summer?"

It doesn't help with that small pinch of jealousy inside my chest when I asked that, though. That bitch better keep her hands off of my boy.

He smiles, "I don't know. Now that I've met you and now dating you.. I don't mind them taking a few seats back and prioritizing you instead."

I blush, "Ah, don't do that, Soujiro. Do what you want. I can survive a few weeks if it means you get to see your friends again."

Well, all of your friends except that girl. She can be left behind. Heh.

He looks at me for a while, stunned, ".. Really?"

"Yeah.." My eyes soften into his gaze, "Really. I trust you a lot."

I wish you could all see how fucking red Soujiro's face turned at hearing what I said. Gah, he's so adorable!

He starts to stammer like a dork, "S-stop that!"

"Stop what?!" I laugh, taking the plastic straw from my drink to blow on it and let the bits of foam hit him.

"You're so childish!" He also starts to laugh, trying to shield his face with his arm while the rest of the visitors looked on curiously. But we don't care. It's just us.. Soujiro and I against the world.

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Soujiro and I decided to check out the museum next. I honestly cannot remember when's the last time I went to a museum. It seems like such a middle class thing to do, and I am far below the middle class to know that. I think I was maybe thirteen when I went last time, during a class field trip. We were supposed to study Japan history, and what better way to show children what our home country is about, than to go to a museum? It was fun. Sanosuke and I got in trouble after the trip because we wouldn't shut the fuck up or stop giggling at anything weird we would find. But it was fun never the less. Now that I'm back in a museum for a totally different reason, it just feels a little strange. Nice, but strange.

"That'll be five thousand four hundred yen, please." Droned the ticket master.

Shit. Soujiro probably doesn't care, but to me.. it's still a lot of money for two tickets.

I think in a way, this is motivating for me. When I finish up high school, and follow Soujiro to a prestigious school, I'm going to work my ass off to get all the best grades possible and get that degree. Get that internship and get that dream job. Get paid handsomely and just.. be of use to Soujiro in that way. I don't want him to get stressed out by taking care of everything, financially speaking. I want us to have a great life together, where we rely on no one but each other. I just hope Hiko stays sober. I hope Soujiro's father could somehow, magically, appoint someone else to take on the company throne. I hope for a lot of things, really..

So much to worry about when it comes to the future. I grip on the sleeve of my jacket, biting on the inside of my cheek.

We saw the century paintings and the sculptures. As other patrons would gaze at these lovely works of art, Soujiro would turn to me and make funny faces to mimic the paintings while I tried my best not to laugh too loudly. Or when we would pass a sculpture of someone doing some pose, I'd do the same and Soujiro would take a picture of me with his phone, giggling to himself. It's all so fucking stupid and immature, but we're having a blast. Sometimes we'd catch a dirty glare from the security officers and we'd behave ourselves, until we are far away from them enough to start our shenanigans again. We finally caught the attention of one particularly stern officer and got a heated warning from him that if we continue to act like buffoons, we will be kicked out. We complied and just kept to ourselves..

Until Soujiro blew a raspberry with his tongue at a very important portrait, and we got thrown out.

"Fuck the police!" Soujiro scowls after we got escorted out the building, "Do they even know who I am?"

I laugh, "Okay, but that was fucking hilarious. Did you see how pissed off they all looked?"

He rolls his eyes, "What a bunch of babies. We were only joking around. Not like we were touching stuff or knocking things over. I hate stuck up people who are too by the book. Buncha fuckin' fools."

"Look at him go." I shake my head, laughing.

He beams at me, "What's next?"

I check the time, "It's about to be four thirty. Do you want to tour the castle now?"

He sighs, "I'm getting a little tired, so we'll have to do that the next time we come back here in Osaka. Let's make a dinner reservation somewhere?"

"Okay," I nod, looking through the search engine to find something, "What're we in the mood for?"

"Sushi!" Soujiro gushes.

I shake my head, "Is that our food theme as a couple now? Are we the sushi couple?"

He bravely grabs my arm with his arms, leaning his head on my shoulder as we walk together down the street, "Yeah. I like that. I like that a lot."

I grunt, looking at him in surprise. Isn't he worried that someone will catch us or recognize him and take a picture of us together like this? I mean.. It doesn't look like there are any reporters around or anything like that. But still. I wonder if Soujiro's father is the one who is the public face of the company, while he doesn't show much of his son at all? If that's so, maybe Soujiro is in the safe. Maybe he can show affection towards me, and everyone will be none the wiser. Maybe it is safe to just.. be his boyfriend out in public. Without any fear. Without any shame. And so, I smile subtly at him, guiding us along as he keeps his eyes closed and snuggled up on my shoulder.

We went to a cozy sushi place that's not too expensive or fancy. I offered to pay at least half, but Soujiro insisted on covering the bill. He says he wants me to pay him back in another way, adding a wink at the end of that sentence. I blush and sneered at him, in which it made him laugh in return. We finish up and head back to the hotel to relax for a little bit, on account of it starting to rain and we don't want to be caught wet and freezing out there.

"Thank goodness for the heating." Soujiro quips as he fiddles with this screen that's attached to the wall to change the room temperature, "All that adventuring outside has got my muscles aching for hot water.."

"Ooh, a shower? Wet and naked with Soujiro? Yes, please!" I hug him from behind.

He laughs, "Cut it out!"

"Make me."

This sounds familiar.

"Hmmmm," Soujiro turns around to face me with flirtatious eyes, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Yes. Shower." I grin like a dumb ass, hearing him scoff meanwhile.

We cleaned each other and dried off in the bathroom. Though our hair are still dripping wet, we don't care; we start to passionately make out with each other while still naked, carefully moving our way back into the bedroom. As soon as Soujiro can feel the back of his kneecaps hitting the edge of the mattress, he wraps his arms around my waist to slowly ease both of our way down on the bed, our eyes closed and lips still locked together. With hands roaming and tongues fighting each other, both of our cocks starts to stiffen. Luckily, I packed a few essential items for this sort of activity. But first, I think I'll pleasure him orally. I miss how good he tastes. As I go down on him, Soujiro pants and moans heavily, running his fingers through my wet hair.

 _"Hah.. Ohh!"_ He groans as I deep throat him, learning that if I just relax my jaw and throat, that it doesn't feel so bad. I lick under his shaft nice and slowly, savoring him. Meanwhile, I'm playing with myself to make sure I stay rock hard to fuck him later. After a while, I sit up in between his legs and gather a travel sized bottle of lube to drench my fingers with, watching his chest rising and falling from his breathing. He's so fucking beautiful. I'm going to rip him apart with my cock. Satisfied with the level of goo on my fingers, I set the bottle down next to him and separate his legs with my knee cap gently. I brush my fingers in his opening, groaning at the back my throat at the emitting heat that seems to be radiating outwards on my hand. Every time I fuck him, it feels so hot and wet. How does he even do it?

I'm about to find out. Entering both of my fingers into his tight hole, I bite my lower lip at the delicious slick heat. I break out in goosebumps on my arms at the sound of his quiet mewling as I rub the bottom half of his hole. I pump my fingers in and out of him, his breathing quickening and moaning getting louder as each minute goes by. Finally, I curve my fingers upward to hit his prostate, and he flinches; arching his shoulders, neck, and back, he cries out in pleasure and my eyes flicker up from the sight alone.

 _"Kenshin, ugh!"_ He groans and winces at the building pressure of my fingering him, _"This feels so good!"_

"Good." I reply back huskily, masturbating myself as I watch him.

Soon as I feel more confident, I slip in a third finger, much to his delight. With my other hand that was on my cock, I start to play with his nipples, stroking and pinching and even lightly slapping them. He pants and whines at all of this, making me laugh in return. He starts jerking himself with one hand while stroking my cock with his other one, and soon I join in on the pleasure cruise. God, this is so fucking amazing! I want to fuck Soujiro for the rest of my life! He's perfect for me! And to think, I could ever find another man attractive.. such an idea wouldn't be feasible to me not even a month ago today. I thought that any thoughts of thinking a man looked good was normal and that every straight guy had those same thoughts. I was obviously a fucking fool to think that. But thanks to Soujiro, I'm realizing every day who I really am as a person.

I start to finger him harder, which makes him arch his neck all the way back until he's looking at the wall behind the mattress. I lean in to start licking his neck as if he were candy, and all he could muster were hitched breaths and gasps of pleasure. I look to see that he's just barely holding his bottom lip with his teeth, the skin on his face and chest glowing light pink. He must be feeling so good, he could hardly speak or make a sound. I shudder at that delicious thought, ramming my fingers up in there a little faster now.

 _"Haaah!"_ His breathing goes up a few octaves and then slaps a hand over his mouth to quiet himself, but I grab his wrist to let his mouth go.

"Don't. Don't you dare silence yourself in front of me." I growled, "I'm going to fuck you now."

He looks at me helplessly, practically drooling from all of this, "Kenshin.."

I retreat my fingers from him, spreading his legs outward and taking his hips to levitate him from the bed before I plunge in. I exhale shakily from the tightening heat, feeling light headed from all the blood that's gone from my brain, and Soujiro inhales sharply with his body accepting the girth. This is gonna be awesome. I lie all the way down to make out with him as I thrust my hips into him, gently at first. Soujiro once again runs his fingers through my hair and I let him. I never let anyone else touch my hair.. at least, not for any longer than necessary. I'm a little protective of it, and only I can do what I want with it. Sometimes I wonder if my birth mother ever ran a baby brush through my newborn hair or if my father is the one who has the red hair. I just don't remember anything about them. But for some reason or another, I just don't like it when people touch my hair.

I used to get teased about it a lot, and would get called a demon child or a "half-breed" for it. Maybe that's why I'm repulsed by anyone touching it.

But with Soujiro.. I welcome it.

Soon my thrusting picks up the pace and I'm sucking on his collarbone. Soujiro would hump upwards to meet in time of my cock sliding into his ass completely, creating a type of pleasure that's getting me chocked up. He can hear me gasping now and starts to chuckle at me, which makes me moan. Hearing him laugh during sex is always so hot and sexy to me. The headboard of the mattress continues to rock against the wall behind it, but we're not too worried. If this hotel is anything like all the other fancy ones out there, this room should be soundproofed. I soon sit up and drape one his legs over my shoulder and fuck him harder and faster now, the sound of skin slapping against skin sharp in the air. After several maddening moments, I flinch, cumming hotly into that tight ass of his. He soon follows afterward, his cum shooting nice and high and covering his own face, chest, and stomach with it.

I slip myself out of him and fall all the way on my back to the bed, out of breath, _"Phew!"_

Guess it's time for another shower.

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After that second shower (Hah!), the clock turns seven in the evening. This day feels so long but good. Though tomorrow will be spent traveling, Osaka is only an hour or so away from Kyoto by car, so it's not like we have to get up super early in the morning. So we decided to go out for a nice evening stroll outside. Though nippy, a nice jacket and a hat is enough to keep us both warm. We're lucky that it hasn't snowed at all this year, but that's global warming for you. Soujiro and I decided to go into this little nature park that's not too far from the hotel. Nature seems to take on an even deeper beauty when night time hits. With lamp posts that light the ground for us to walk comfortably together side by side, Soujiro and I began talking about our childhood pasts.

"I don't remember much about Paris, except running around in a big beautiful house that's settled in the south of France." Soujiro tucks some hair behind his ear as he smiles shyly at our walking shoes, "I sometimes wonder if my father still has the address on it, because some of my best years ever were spent in there. Especially during the summer. My parents would own a vineyard and have fresh red wine to drink every evening, and I'd play with our dog Tuli out somewhere in the fields. It's a very safe place, so my mom didn't have to worry much about me. As long Tuli was with me, she could protect me from anybody suspicious."

"South of France sounds nice." I sigh, looking up at the stars. They look so gorgeous tonight. They can't compare to the beauty that's walking right next to me, of course.

"It is. We should go visit there together someday," Soujiro takes my hand upon saying that, and I give it a reassuring squeeze, "What do you remember about your childhood, Kenshin?"

I frown, "I'm not sure. I remember just being with Hiko the entire time. We've always lived in Kyoto and always in that one shitty ass house. He used to have a good job in the police force, though. He was a detective, you see.."

Soujiro is quiet when I said that, and I turned to him to see his eyes a little wider than usual, staring ahead, "Oh. A detective. I see."

"What?" I smiled at him and pulled him into a side hug, nuzzling into his neck, "You're not worried about that, are you? Do you think Hiko is gonna find something about you or your dad?"

"It's not funny." Soujiro gently shoves me away from him.

I stop walking and pull him back into an embrace, kissing him. I pull away and whisper, "Sorry."

Soujiro looks like he wanted to be mad at me, but at that little apology, he softens outwardly and leans in to kiss me again.

...

"So Kenshin, what do you remember about your childhood?"

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 **[Twelve years ago]**

"Class, we have a new student joining us today. She came from Nagasaki and is very anxious to meet you all. Please welcome Miss Kamiya Kaoru."

The entire class waits patiently as the door opens and the school principal walks in with a small, long haired hair with shy dark eyes. She's wearing a light pink dress, a bow tie, and a white shrug. She blushes and looks down at the floor as our teacher pats her comfortingly on her back.

"Kaoru-chan, is there anything you would like to tell us about yourself?"

Kaoru shakes her head no, making some of the kids giggle at her expense. Meanwhile, I, Himura Kenshin, sit in the middle of the class, watching her in curiosity. She seems nice. I don't like how the kids here like to make fun of anyone who's just a little bit different from them. My best friend Sanosuke sits next to me and leans to the side to whisper to me, "Hey, maybe we should talk to her during recess."

I look at him bewilderingly, "Are you crazy? What if she thinks we're weird?"

"We are weird!"

"Are you two having fun?" The teacher smiles at us and puts her hands on her hips, "Do you two want to help Kaoru today in settling in and showing her the ropes?"

Sanosuke jumps up from his seat with a beam, "Yes ma'am!"

I shyly get up from my seat and nod, "Yeah, okay."

During our other classes like counting, reading, and art, we would always sit next to or near Kaoru in order to introduce her to the teachers as well as the other kids. It seems like the other kids weren't too keen on her, for some reason. So we kinda just took her on as one of our own. At recess near the swings, we met up with Misao and Yahiko, and luckily they were more receptive towards Kaoru despite her meek nature.

"I like your hair!" Misao gushes as she starts braiding a section of Kaoru's hair from behind her. Kaoru lets her do so, happily.

"What does your mommy and daddy do?" Yahiko asks while swinging gently, watching the girls.

Kaoru shrugs, "My daddy works as a man in a hard yellow hat and my mommy stays at home."

"Hard yellow hat? Like a construction worker? So does my dad!" Yahiko jumps away from the swing set and takes out his toy cars from his pocket to show me and Sano, "Do you want to race with me again?"

"Do I!" Sanosuke grabs one while I grab the other.

A day like this just seems so ordinary. We didn't think that Kaoru would actually stay with us, or stay friends with us. But she did and we grew up together. The awkwardness of puberty has lead Kaoru into slowly becoming more and more beautiful with each passing year that I've gotten to know her, though I started somewhat of a relationship with another girl when we were all twelve years old. That girl being, of course, Tomoe. Tomoe and Kaoru have met a few times and they seemed to get on well, though I can tell that sometimes Tomoe tells me she thinks Kaoru likes me a lot. And she said it with such a serious look on her face, that I couldn't help but laugh uneasily at hearing that. I really don't think Kaoru could ever like a runt like me!

But man, we were all such great friends. When we met Megumi at nearly thirteen years of age, it was through her that we met Aoshi. Something about fathers meeting each other through a work function or something. Whatever, but Misao fell head first in love with Aoshi since the very beginning. Aoshi was like a big brother to all of us, being three years older than all of us. We always felt safe with him because he seemed to know exactly what to do no matter how sticky the situation. I learned to fight thanks to him, and so did Sanosuke. Megumi took in Kaoru and Misao as the sisters she never had and they always share nearly everything together. We were growing as a platonic family and we always promised each other every year that we would never separate, or have someone come in between us.

No matter what. We were and will be, friends until the end.

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Soujiro appreciated that story. I wanted to tell him more, but I didn't wanted to tire him out since we had a long day. He looks so cute when he's tired; I just wanna snuggle up with him forever. We walked around the park until the clock strikes eight. Soujiro suggests we go to a cafe and have something hot to warm us up, to which I agreed. We find a small one that's nicely decorated and cozy, some chairs being actual sofas where people can lie on and watch someone recite personal poetry on a small stage. It was really comfortable. Though nothing could ever be as comfortable as doing anything physical with Soujiro. As we drink our hot cocoas, and the music plays a quiet jazz track, we have our foreheads pressed together and staring into each others' eyes. Soujiro would flicker his eyes downward with a shy smile, but I'd keep my eyes squarely into his, amorously happy by him.

"This next talent will be doing a cover of Ben Howard's 'Only Love'. Give it up to Shikyo and the band!" One of the owners of the cafe announces on the mic, the patrons clapping politely to welcome the young college aged guys up on stage. They take their time in setting up the drums and acoustic guitars before the front man introduces himself and his friends. Soujiro and I watch curiously as they open up the song, the singer's voice as smooth as silk:

 _"_ _Darling you're with me, always around me  
_ _Only love, only love  
_ _Darling I feel you, under my body  
_ _Only love, only love  
_ _Give me shelter, or show me heart  
_ _Come on love, come on love  
_ _Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart."_

Soujiro leans in to whisper into my ear, "They're good."

 _"_ _And I'll be yours to keep."_ Shikyo sings softly into the microphone.

I whisper back, "Yeah.."

 _"Darling you're with me, always around me_  
 _Only love, only love_  
 _Darling I feel you, under my body_  
 _Only love, only love_  
 _Give me shelter, or show me heart_  
 _Come on love, come on love_  
 _Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart_

 _And I'll be yours to keep."_

"Soujiro."

"Yes?"

"Would you like to dance with me?"

Soujiro looks taken a back by my question, "W-what?"

I chuckle at his blushing face, "Come on. Let's dance."

I get up from the table, taking his wrist, but he pulls back and stays seated, "I.. I can't. I'm too scared."

 _"Darling you're with me, always around me_  
 _Only love, only love_  
 _Darling I feel you, under my body_  
 _Only love, only love_  
 _Give me shelter, or show me heart."_

"Don't be. I'm here for you." I lean in to take his other hand and help him out of his seat, walking with him to the center of the cafe. Of course, people all around looked up at us, smiling in amusement. Soujiro seem to want to disappear into the floor, but I don't let this faze me. I'm learning something these days.. I can't let other people's opinions bother me anymore. I have to live my life the way I want, and the life that makes me happy. I can't do that if I keep caring about what my father Hiko thinks, or what my friends all think of us. I have to take life by force and lead it the way I want. Only I can do that.

 _"Come on love, come on love_  
 _Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart_  
 _Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart"_

We face each other and Soujiro looks into my eyes, though his chin is dipped in a submissive manner. I smirk, taking his hand with mine, and my other one on his lower back. After all those dancing lessons taught by Hiko before that winter formal dance that I took Kaoru to, I feel pretty confident. I lead the dance, soft and gentle, and Soujiro, with his own background in ballroom dancing (Or something else that's equally fancy, I bet!), follows me without any missteps. Though all eyes are on us, my eyes are only served to look at you, Soujiro. I want to tell you thank you, Soujiro. Really, for everything. For showing me kindness and support, for showing me how much you really love me. I know you're not perfect. And I am far from that, myself. Maybe there really is something wrong in your world.

 _"Only love, love, love, only love, love, love_  
 _Only love love love, girl show me heart_  
 _Come on love, love, love, come on love, love, love_  
 _Come on love, love, love, watch me fall apart."_

But whatever it is, Soujiro, we can get past it. Together. Because we love each other.

Soon, a few couples joins us by dancing with their own partners, the music gentle and as warm as all of our hearts are on this cold evening. Soujiro watches on as everyone are either looking at us with pride, or dancing together and being just as happy and in love as we are. He looks back at me, and I gaze back at him. I think he's realizing, that not everyone in the world wants to negatively judge him for who he is or who he loves. Though his family life is abysmal and uncaring, and though maybe his faraway rich friends might not accept him once he does completely come out to the world.. at least not everyone shares the same views. At least he can find real friends who can accept him. At least he has me, a boy who is absolutely crazy about him. At least he won't be alone in this world, scared and afraid of harm. At least we have each other.

 _"Come on love, love, love, come on love, love, love_  
 _Come on love, love, love, girl show me heart_  
 _Show me love love love, show me love love love_  
 _Show me love love love."_

"Kenshin.." He whispers, looking like he wants to tell me something. Instead, he closes his eyes and leans in to kiss me. We stay like that for a whole minute, lips and hearts locked together, and my heart and soul flies to the skies.

 _"_ _Darling I feel you under my body  
_ _Darling you're with me forever and always  
_ _Give me shelter or show me heart  
_ _And watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart."_

The music slowly dies down as the song comes to its natural finish, and we hear people clapping and whistling and howling "Yeahhh!". Either those were for the band, or because they saw us kissing and thought it was a great sight to see tonight. I really don't care either way. We separate from the kiss, smiling at one another, hands holding on tightly. As the group disbanded and people started to leave, Soujiro and I leave together hand in hand. It's gotten colder out, and he suggests we go back to the hotel to watch something since he has some USB sticks of some of our favorite horror movies. Hell yeah! We arrive to the hotel about fifteen minutes later and undressed. Since we have a balcony, we won't miss the fireworks, but it won't happen for another three or so hours anyway.

So that's what we did. We got undressed and put on some comfy shit to get into bed and Soujiro gets to work on the DVD player. After some fiddling with technical stuff, we got it to work. He puts on an older black and white horror movie to start out with, though the title of the film is lost on me. The only explanation I have for that is because Soujiro keeps distracting me with every little thing he does. The way he smiles secretly to himself when something catches his eye. How he tucks his hair behind his ear every so often. How there would be the _tiniest_ tremble along the lines of his eyelashes before he'd close them and sigh, and I'd wonder what it is that he's thinking of that made him do that.

I can't help myself around him.

Soujiro breathes hotly in my ear as I have him sit on my lap and his legs spread out, fingering him. While the movie continues flashing on the screen, I caress his chest and nipples with my free hand. Soujiro moans under his throat with every sweet thrust of my fingers and I'm determined to see if I can make him squirt again like last time. God, the first time that happened, it was the hottest thing I've ever seen. I watch in amusement as Soujiro looks at me lustly with his finger in his mouth, trying to excite me as he sucks on it with a demure smile. I start to finger him faster now and he clamps on his finger to silence himself.

 _"Mm, yeah."_ He sighs in pleasure.

Though all of this is really hot and sexy.. Today has got me feeling something else, too. A lot of very warm, tender feelings towards Soujiro. If I was twitter patted with him before, I'm absolutely in love with him now. I rub the side of my face with his, whispering in a low voice, _"Oh, Soujiro.. I love you."_

Hearing that, he clenches and freezes, surprising me. From the corner of my eye I see something splashing and I look ahead to see, just in time, clear liquid squirting out from his cock. I smile and laugh silently, absolutely in shock and loving the view. Dude. Did that just fucking happened?!

"Soujiro, did you just fucking squirted just because I said I love you?" I kiss his reddening cheek, "Jesus Christ!"

 _"Hah-uh!"_ He flinches as a couple of more steady streams shoots out of him, _"Fuck! Feels.. feels so good.. Ugh!"_

I watch in amazement as he goes through the last spurts of him cumming. Guess we soiled the bed, but it was fucking worth it. What a view! I try to lean in to kiss his cheek when he suddenly hops off from my lap and grabs my shoulders. Before I know it, my back slaps the mattress and he leans over me, lips just a hair away from touching, and his eyes bore deep into mine.

"I want.." He steadies his breathing before saying the next sentence bravely, "I want to be inside of you, Kenshin.."

(To be continued)


	21. Weak And Powerless

_Author's note: Hey guys! I'm so happy I'm still getting attention on this website, lol! Thank you to Mazoku, Satani, Cannibal Corncob, and __mlisk41 for the reviews and story following. I'm so glad I'm back on a regular schedule now where I add a new update every Friday so that I can rest during the weekend. Hope everyone is having a great summer._

 _This update will be a bit shorter but very much smutty and sexy in return. Just so I can plan ahead on what's gonna happen between these two knuckleheads along with how the story will pan out. I have a feeling this fic is gonna need another, oh, 10 or so updates until it reaches it's final conclusion. So basically when the summer ends, so will this story._

 _Alright, enjoy the new update. **Viewer discretion is strongly advised.**_

* * *

 _"_ _Desperate and ravenous,  
_ _I'm so weak and powerless over you."_

 _\- A Perfect Circle_

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With his hands over my hands, and his face just seconds away from lips meeting lips.. I watch in confusion at what Soujiro uttered just moments ago. Did he just fucking said what I think he said? Am I have a stroke? The movie continues to play behind me, monstrous sounds and crying violins to depict characters attacking each other on film. It seems fitting for this strange situation happening between him and I. The ceilings behind him glows bluish from the TV glare, flitting between white and then black with the movie's changing scenes. And every time, his blue eyes blossom and bloom, and my breathing is caught inside my throat. Did I _really_ just heard what he said? That he wants to be.. inside of me? Soujiro, what the hell did you mean by that? What do you mean you want to be _inside_ of me?

I don't.. I don't know if I'd like something like that?

I think I know why that is. I've always been proud of my masculinity, and of my sexual prowess with the fairer sex. I was always the one doing all the fucking, and my recipients were the ones who did the receiving. I was the one inside of people.. inside of other women.. inside of Soujiro. So to even think about the possibility of being on the receiving end of it now, terrifies me. Should I just tell him no? I mean, I have every right to my body and what goes inside of it. I plan to take on needles for ink work after high school ends, for awesome tattoos on my arms and maybe on my chest. Or my back. Not.. this.. His.. I shake my head, trying to get that mental picture out of my mind. No. I'm not going to accept this. I don't know why Soujiro thought that would be a good idea. I mean.. Today was super romantic and sweet and very emotional, so I think he's just saying shit without thinking. It has to make sense. I just have to tell him no, and reject his stupid idea of his.

"Soujiro, I.." My eyes frown, "No. I absolutely do not want that from you."

Soujiro makes a hesitating sound, eyes widening, and couldn't think of anything to reply, "..."

I shut my eyes, trying to calm down. My heart is racing so badly. With a couple of breaths, I break out in a sunny demeanor, completely unlike my character, "Come on! Let's finish the movie! We're missing out on all of the fights and I wanna know who's going to―?!"

Soujiro attacks my lips with his, hands grasping each other tightly now. I struggle but my body doesn't comply with my conflicting emotions, feeling my lips involuntarily opening themselves up to welcome Soujiro's tongue into it. I moan, my pelvic humping upwards without thinking, and Soujiro pins it back down with his own hips. I feel the familiar hot pulsing sensation in my groin as my cock begins to harden. Jesus H Christ! Can my body fucking not?! I whine and writhe as I try to fight Soujiro's tongue to put it back inside his mouth, but it was all in vain, since it just made Soujiro think that I'm just kissing him back normally.

Fucking shit!

I am quickly starting to feel crushed under Soujiro's feverish passion against me, and it is getting harder to fight back now. As soon as Soujiro starts to nibble on my bottom lip, I knew it was now or never; with all of my strength, I struggle to sit up and overpower him so that he's on his back now with me on top. Soujiro seems to think of this as an invitation, though, and wraps his legs around my hips to keep me on lock.

"Soujiro..!" I speak as he continues on biting my lower lip, "Please.. stop!"

He lets go of my lip and looks up at me with a sad smile, "I'm sorry. You're so hard for me to resist.. And I.."

I shake my head, "Dude. No. I'm not.. I'm not going to let you inside of me. I'm sorry."

Silence. The movie seemed to have ended since the bedroom has taken on a much darker hue and a long soundtrack is being played with no other sound effects. Soujiro softens his grips on my hands and I let them go softly before leaning over to kiss his forehead lovingly. I hear him whisper, "I'm sorry. I just love you so much, that I.. I wanted to know what it was like to be fused within your bones."

Wait a second. I said that to myself not too long ago, haven't I? Or did I said that to him before? I can't remember. I lean back to look at his face, that beautiful face and those beautiful sapphire eyes. Those long eyelashes, and those lips that are bruised from all the kissing. Could I have wanted something like that to happen to me, too? Could I actually.. enjoy it, somehow? I've never would've imagined myself in this situation, but.. Maybe there really is a first time for everything. Perhaps I'll even like it more than I suspect. Maybe this will somehow drives us two closer together.. and discover something new about myself.

Ugh. Goddammit. But what if I don't? What will be the risks of doing that?

"Kenshin.." Soujiro reaches out a hand to gently touch my face, "You're shaking."

Indeed, I am. I close my eyes and melt into his hand that rests on my cheek for a while. Fuck it. I'll do it. I mumble, "Let's do it."

"Huh?"

"Let's do it. You.." I gulp uneasily, ".. In me."

The room falls black momentarily, and then it glows blue again from the television set. From here, I can see Soujiro's surprised expression. We don't talk or move for what felt like a really long time. Kenshin wants someone to do it to him now? Blasphemous. Unreal. Impossible. But here I am, asking for it to happen. Soujiro still doesn't have a clue on how to react to what I just said, but I don't wait any longer. I feel like the more time passes, the more nervous I will get. I start to kiss him, my hands cupping his jaw lines tenderly. Soujiro lies there motionless as I go on a town in his mouth with my tongue, but slowly starts to respond back to my affection with his own tongue.

My clothes starts to peel off from me as minutes tick by. And since Soujiro was already bottom naked from me playing with him earlier tonight, all that was left was his shirt being taken off. Once we are both completely nude, he climbs back on top of me again, gnawing on my neck. He's never done that before, but to be honest, I really like it. I whimper helplessly as he grabs a fist full of my hair on the side of my head to pull it down, exposing my of my neck on the other side so that he can continue to suck on it. Sparks of pleasure run inside my veins from his sucking. My heart runs rapidly inside of me, meanwhile. I'm so scared but also strangely excited for what will be.

Before long, Soujiro is going down on me to get things started. I run my hands through his hair, my eyes staring at the ceiling, just hoping that I'll make it out of here in one piece. Ha. I guess maybe I am reacting over nothing. Maybe it won't be so bad, and perhaps it'll feel pretty good. I'm not sure if my body can accept.. Soujiro's entire self in me tonight, but maybe his fingers would do for now. I gulp at that thought. Shit. I _really_ hope Soujiro knows what he is doing.

"S.. Soujiro.." I weakly call out, and he stops, humming and blinking curiously at me, "Have you done this before? Being inside another man, I mean."

He blushes and stammers, "Um.. I, um.. no.. not really.. I was always the one to receive it, but not.."

I smile and can feel my lips and the inside of my mouth dry as bone, "Shit. Okay. No problem. First time for everything, right?"

Kill me.

He smiles at me, nodding, "Yeah! You're right! I'm gonna be really careful with you, Kenshin, don't you worry!"

Kill me right the fuck now.

He continues sucking on me and I get all warm and tingly, exhaling, _"Hah.. hah.. hah!"_

Once he tastes my pre-cum, he decides that I'm ready. I grip on the bed sheets as he picks up the small bottle of lube and lubricates two of his fingers with it. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck! What did I just agreed into? Am I even emotionally ready for something like this? Fuck, fuck, fuck. I am so fucked, in more ways than one. I shiver as he leans over kiss me for a bit before coming back up to help me spread my legs. My knuckles are probably white from the strong grip on the mattress now. I swear the ceilings above me is spinning. Soujiro goes down on me again and I feel the first brush of his finger in between my butt.

"Hmm!" I purse my lips, flinching from the slimy touch.

Soujiro stops, "Are you okay?"

I nod, looking and sounding really stupid. He laughs, which flairs my irritation now, "Stop laughing!"

"I'm sorry! You're just so cute when you're nervous!" He tries to bite back his laughter, "I promise.. I'll go really, really, slow. Okay?"

I sigh, "Yeah. Okay."

I feel the finger again and I just am about ready to fucking die again. Okay. Deep breaths. Clear your mind. Calm down. This is Soujiro. The love of my life. He would never dare hurt me physically while I'm naked and vulnerable like this. He loves me too much to do such a thing. With my body relaxing, Soujiro senses this and pushes the very first centimeter inside of me with his finger as carefully as possible. Aside from a tiny sharp pinch that then goes away, it wasn't so bad. I bite my lower lip, eyes wide at the ceiling above. Okay. That's the first centimeter. He has a lot to go. At that thought, my body clenches up and the pain returns. I yelp and Soujiro yanks his finger out in surprise.

"Are you okay?!" He lays a hand on my stomach.

"Y-yeah. Sorry." I blink, frowning, "I just freaked out for a sec there. Try again."

"Are you sure? Do you.. do you want me to stop?"

"No!" I almost sit up to look at him, "Please, continue! I.. I want this. I really do. I promise."

He looks so unsure and I lean all the way back down, smiling and nodding at him to continue. He sits still, looking at my body carefully for a while before he gets back to work. I feel the first two centimeters going through me and I am trying to breathe meanwhile to accommodate the foreign girth inside of me. He licks and swallows my cock to let the pleasure climb over the pain inside of my hole (ugh), and uses plenty of lube like every minute or so. I'm afraid he's going to use up all the lube before he.. No. I didn't agreed for him to use his dick in me, did I? I said fingers only. Yeah. That's right. Fingers only for tonight.

H'boy.

He keeps sucking and pushing slowly inside of me until his finger is all the way inside of me. Okay.. it's starting to feel pretty good thanks to the oral sex. I am breathing and moaning as he goes down on me happily. He slowly and very carefully slides in and out half way with his finger as he continues to deep throat me. With that and the careful pumping and the lube.. it isn't too bad. Doesn't feel bad at all, actually. Alien and strange and foreign, sure, but.. I expected it to feel a lot worse for some reason. Thank goodness I can try and stay calm even in dire situations. Not that being sexual with Soujiro is ever dire, but you know what I mean!

I then start to feel a second finger brushing up against my opening. Okay. Take it easy, Kenshin. You got this. I continue to breathe from my stomach to relax all of my muscles. I wonder who was the first guy to do this kind of thing with Soujiro when he lost his virginity. Whoever the dude who did that was.. Ha ha. I'll fucking kill him. I'm just kidding, but I'm still pretty jealous. Whatever, it doesn't matter. His second finger goes in with the first centimeters. Minutes go by, and so do the centimeters. There were times when it felt too painful or too hot down there that Soujiro would stop pumping and just focus on deep throating me, or adding more lube. He'd ask me a few times if I want his fingers out of me or if it's too much. Well, it is a bit too much, but.. I think I can handle it.

And so, he continues.

"Ah!" I cried out suddenly.

"Kenshin?!" Soujiro stops everything he's doing at that sound.

I lie there, in shock, and then I slowly stutter, ".. D-do that.. again."

Soujiro blinks, confused, until he moves his finger again just like last time, "Like this?"

 _"Hah!"_ I gasp and flinch acutely, _"Ugh!"_

"Does that.." Soujiro's smile fades into a dark smirk, "Feel good?"

He rubs that spot inside of me and I squirm, feeling saliva starting to pool inside my mouth. It feels so fucking good, what the fuck? What is happening to my body?! I grit my teeth and shut my eyes as if in pain, grabbing Soujiro's forearms helplessly as the pleasure rises inside of me. He fingers me properly now, smooth and quick movements throwing my body into a sea of ecstasy. I feel like I can't catch a moment to breathe in or think or say anything properly, because Soujiro's fingers just seems to shock my body again and again.

"Hey.." Soujiro sighs sultry, "Do you think you can take on my cock, now?"

 _"Hmmm!"_ I groan while he slows the movement of his fingers down so that I can respond to him, "I don't know! This is.. incredible, but.. what if you rip me down there?"

"Hm," Soujiro nods, "Yeah. Maybe you're right. You need more time and preparation. We can save it for a later date. Do you want me to continue fingering you, though?"

I shiver because the saliva is finally coming out from the side of my mouth and I had to quickly drape my arm over my face to hide it from him, "Yes!"

He starts laughing, "God, you're adorable. Okay. Relax for me, now.."

He fingers me and I soon lose control of all my usual composure; I am leaning my head back over the edge of the mattress and moaning from all the pleasure, panting and just behaving in a way that I've never acted before. I never knew I'd like something like this! This is insane! It feels terrific! I'm at a loss for words over the fact that I had feared something like this, that ended up being one of the most pleasurable experiences of my life. No wonder Soujiro acts so strange when I'm fingering him or fucking him in the ass. Getting your prostate stimulated is unlike anything I've been through.

I couldn't take it anymore and I whine exasperatedly, "Okay, fine! Fine! I think I'm ready!"

"Ready? For.. oh.." Soujiro slows down his fingering and soon retrieves them out of me completely, which felt nicely relieving, "Okay. Are you sure?"

"Yes!" I said that a little too loudly, so I cringe and whisper, "Yeah. Totally."

"Oh, Kenshin." Soujiro chuckles, popping the lid of the bottle of lube again, before squeezing it over his own dick. He leaves some to rub it in between my cheeks down below, as well as fingering me a little bit to get me warmed up and ready. My stomach is dropping from the highest level I've ever felt in my life, and it's scaring me. My face is searing and my heart is just one second away from going into a cardiac arrest. Everything around me doesn't feel real, and yet.. it feels hyper realistic all at the same time. I'm painfully aware of Soujiro's breathing as well as my own; the perspiration on my forehead that travels down my temples and into my hair. The dull, pulsing feeling inside of my.. well, area down there.. is making me embarrassed. Is it yearning for Soujiro or something?

Gah! This is crazy! I never thought I'd ever be on the "receiving" end!

I see Soujiro shuffling up to come in between my inner thighs while holding his dick. He lies his other hand on my torso for some reason, and he nods at me, "Just breathe, okay?"

I can't. I instantly freeze up all over and look at him like a deer caught in head lights. He sees this and blinks, frowning.

"Are you okay?"

I bite on my lower lip, nodding, "Y-yeah. Just.. nervous, I guess."

He sits there quietly, and then he smiles, "Yeah. I'm nervous too."

"Huh? Why?"

He looks down, that shy smile still plastered on his face, "It's just.. I think this is the first time I'm having sex with such a gorgeous boy like you. You really are so good looking, it kills me every time I look at you. Everyone likes how you look, Kenshin.. it's either that, or they envy you. I see why you're so popular with the ladies. It's just no secret, with what you've been blessed with. I don't know if you know this, but.. I'm fucking shaking like a leaf inside, ha ha ha!"

My eyes waver, "Soujiro.."

"I hope that you don't feel rushed or forced into doing something you're not ready to do. It's just.. tonight has been the most.. loving, and romantic evening of my life, and I feel so in love with you that I just want to.. _claim you_ for myself. Like just.. leaving something of myself within you.. so that you will always remember me if anything bad happens.."

"Bad? Something bad will happen to you?" I prop up on my elbows, staring at him in concern, "Soujiro, what are you trying to say?"

Soujiro leans in to kiss my lips sweetly before responding, "Nothing. I just don't know what's going to happen in the future, is all. Will your friends kick you out of their group and will that alone be enough for you to leave me? Maybe so, and to be honest, I wouldn't be surprised or hold it against you. Will my father find out about us and force me to live someplace else so far away that you'll never find me again? Maybe so, and to be honest, I wouldn't guilt you into trying to do so. There's so much that can go wrong in the future, and really.. just for tonight.. I just want to let go of everything that's pent up inside of me.. and just live for the moment of being here with the boy I love with my entire heart."

Great. Now I'm crying.

"Soujiro, I..!" I hiccup, tears hot on their trails over my cheeks, "I promise you.. that _nothing_ will come in between us! I'll _always_ fight for you, and.. for us.. I'll always do _everything_ in my power to make sure you stay in my life! I love you, Soujiro! I love you, I.."

I couldn't finish and let my sobbing take over, and Soujiro simply leans over to kiss me. We slowly descend down on the mattress together, him still on top of me. And in between tongues dancing together and feeling his thumb rubbing a single tear away from my face.. I felt it; the fresh prickle of getting pierced down there for the first time. I yelp weakly, stunned. Soujiro hushes me gently, kissing my cheek and my eye lid, as lovingly as he'd always been. I couldn't react properly before he very slowly begins to thrust his hips into me, careful to add very small increments of his member into me at a time. He coaches me quietly into my ear to relax, when to exhale and to think of something else besides the burning sensation down there.

Despite that, though.. it really does feel good.

 _"Ugh.. hnng.. hmm!"_ I have my arms criss crossed each other with my hands gripping on Soujiro's shoulder blades for extra support, _"Hah.. hah.. unngh!"_

 _"Hah.. Kenshin.."_ Soujiro moans as he's nearly all the way inside of me, _"Do you.. need more of that.."_

 _"Yes."_ I kiss his neck, knowing what he meant.

He carefully places his hands on the mattress to lean his upper body from me and reach for the bottle of lube. Trying to not pop himself out of me, he squirts some more of the clear liquid on the remaining length of his member as well as around the rim of my opening. I blush just thinking that. Jesus Christ. I hope the orgasm is worth it. At last, Soujiro places the bottle away and with his hands still on the mattress, just away from my shoulders, he starts to grind his hips downward. He is now all the way in and I am trying not to freak the fuck out. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. He is actually _in_ me. As he thrusts into me a little harder, I arch my neck with a silent groan, eyes wide and filled with indiscernible emotions. It took some time, but soon.. it doesn't hurt as much than it does feel fucking amazing.

 _"Ohh.. God!"_ I shut my eyes as the strangest feelings start to take over my body, with a level of pleasure that I have never experienced before, _"Hah!"_

 _"Hnng!"_ Soujiro trembles all over before going super hard on the thrusting, which.. is kinda hilarious. Oh my God.

"Ha ha, Soujiro, wait!" I had to hold my mouth because I kept giggling too hard, "Slow down!"

He does and he looks at me wide eyed, "I'm sorry! Are you hurt?"

"Yeah, dude, just.. slow down. You were going at it like a jack rabbit."

He blinks, and then scowls, "Well, sorr-ee!"

I touch his cheek, shaking my head at his adorableness, "God. You're perfect. Keep going. It feels.. _sooo good."_

He growls from underneath his throat at what I just said and attacks my mouth with his. He starts his thrusting again and he seems to be hitting a spot in there that drives me up the wall. With the head board hitting against the wall behind us, the bluish glow from the television screen, as well as the sound of Soujiro's sexy breaths and moaning in my ear sounds.. I'm starting to feel really dizzy. I am making sounds that I've never done before, sounds that would normally embarrass the shit out of me in other circumstances, but feels so freeing to do now at a time like this. I can't believe something like this would feel so good.

I love it.

 _"Hrrm,"_ Soujiro smirks as he levels himself above me again so that I can look at his face, "I can feel you tightening around me in intervals."

I am shaking and feeling so hot all over that I can't respond properly without groaning, "..?"

He leans back down to whisper into my ear, "I think you're cumming."

Truthful to my naturally rebellious nature, I scoff, "No I'm not!"

He nods, his hips grinding deliciously hard and fast this time, "Yeah you are.."

 _"Huunnggh!"_ I throw my head back in pleasure, _"No I'm not..!"_

 _"Yeah you are.."_

"No, I'm.." I feel a strange pull in my lower torso and it feels so good I start to shake, _"I'm..!"_

 _"Yeah you are.."_ Soujiro moans deeply, going faster now.

Fuck!

I've reached the end of the rope; my body convulses acutely as a shot of hot cum springs out of my cock and splattering all over both of our chests and stomachs, biting my lower lip to silence my scream. A blast of a coppery taste enters my tongue and I quickly realize that it's my blood from biting on my lip too hard. Despite that little painful moment, I am quickly brought back into the sea of pleasure as Soujiro thrusts into my hole until he, too, cums inside of me. Feeling another man's orgasm entering inside my body.. has to be both the strangest, and yet amazing, feeling on the planet. Because it belongs to Soujiro.. from his body and from his love for me.

Soujiro limps over my body and we lie there, panting and totally wiped out.

"Fuck.. that was.." Soujiro gulps, wheezing, "That felt _so_ fucking good.."

I lean my forehead between the area of his neck and shoulder, "Yeah.."

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We took our time, catching our breaths and getting ourselves cooled down. We're lucky this hotel room has such a nice temperature setting going on right now so that we're not freezing nor boiling from the rigorous activity. Looks like we have to take yet another shower. What?! It's fucking _awesome_ having a fancy-shmancy walk in shower! After we showered together (I had to fight with every ounce not to suddenly plummet myself into Soujiro's ass when he accidentally dropped the bar of soap in there), we walked out and checked the time to see it's nearly nine thirty. Two and a half hours until the fireworks show. Soujiro and I decided to watch another movie, snuggled up together under the blankets and everything, and we excitedly head out to the balcony around ten minutes before the show.

"Do you think we're gonna be able to see from up here?" I ask Soujiro, who's leaning over the railing to look at the night sky.

"I hope so! I didn't get this great room just so I can get a lousy view!" He laughs, which makes me smile. Everything about him is so pleasant and lovely. It's hard to keep my hands to myself when he's around. It's hard to keep my eyes on anything or anyone else, but on him. It's hard to think of much of anything except him and his beautiful face. I walk up from behind him and wrap my arms around him, snuggling up into his hair, breathing in that magnificent scent. Soujiro always smells good no matter what, even after sex. Soujiro sighs contently, "You've really gotten soft since you've met me, huh?"

I smile in his hair, "Yeah. It's all your fault. I was such a hard ass until you came along."

He chuckles, "Well, my apologies. Guess I'll have to spend the rest of my life making sure you don't get too soft on me."

I forcefully turn him around before kissing his lips, my grasp on his jawline firm yet loving. Soujiro stands there, stunned at this, but he doesn't push me away. I break away from the kiss, my look no doubt a cross between being hopelessly in love with him.. as well as being deadly serious for what I'm about to say next. His eyes look concerned and the cold wind picks up in intensity, his hair brushing over his eyes and forehead. No matter what time of day it is, Soujiro never fails to look exquisite.

"Yeah. You will spend the rest of your life with me, Soujiro." I kiss him before he could respond, shutting him up, and I break away once more to smirk at him, "If I ever do come across something absolutely horrible about you, or your dad, or your company, or your past.. it really doesn't matter now, does it? Because if you try and run from me.."

I pin my lower body against his, kissing him again with tongue this time, and he moans from it, _"Hnng.."_

I speak against his lips, "I will fucking find you. And I'll make you mine again. You won't know your own shadows from my own, because you and I will become one of the same. You are mine, down to the last dust of your bones.. If I find you again, I'll fuck you brutally and make you feel so good, there's no way you'll find it again with anyone again. I'm the only one who can make you cum so much. Don't you dare forget it. Am I making any sense to you?"

His eyes flutter upward and experiences an ecstasy shiver in his body at my intensity, _"Yes..!"_

I give him one last kiss, to seal the deal.

And at that moment, a single flair shoots up into the sky with a high pitch screech, prompting the both of us to look up in awe as it explodes in a furious white light.

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(To be continued)


	22. Goner

_Author's_ _note:_ _Hi guys, hope you had a wonderful weekend! :) I'm sorry for being a bit late with this update, and I'm also sorry that it's another short update. However, I do promise that things will pick up the pace in the next update, so hang on to your jammies! I haven't done this in a while, but I am now going to respond to each of your lovely reviews like I used to do during my first fanfiction._

 _Jefcat: I agree. Soujiro is a lot tougher than most people seem to get. I mean, for God's sake, he lost his parents at a young age, was practically enslaved by his crazy family, nearly got killed by the same crazy family, killed them before they got to him, and became Shishio's BFF. Nobody is going to be totally submissive or feminine after all of that! And truthfully, gender roles be damned! Soujiro is awesome and that's all that matters! And yeah, am a bit sorry about the previous technical issues, but will try my best to not let those happen again. :c_

 _Cannibal Corncob: I was legit rolling over my bed laughing when I got your review. I think we should just appreciate the roles that Kenshin and Soujiro plays whenever we come across anything about them yaoi-ish. Kenshin always seem to play the more submissive role when it comes to other pairings like him with Sanosuke, or him with Shishio (eugh), or him with Aoshi. But when I imagine him with Soujiro, I don't know how or why, but like.. I just see him become a top and Soujiro as a bottom. And that's totally okay. Like, let's just.. breathe and appreciate that. Jesus would want you to._

 _Bone Deep: Yeah, I'll admit, I was hasty with the last update, but had wanted to push the boundaries a bit with the characters. And I'm glad I did. I'm not a male, nor am I a gay male, so I really don't know, but I do know that men in general seem to take on that kind of pain better than women can. Not that I'm advocating just shoving it in to any dude who is reading this! Are there even any dudes that are reading my fics? Because I'm about to die from embarrassment, especially if they're bi or gay. I bet they're thinking, "I'm gonna teach this girl how it's done! Stupid girl!" lmao! If you have gay friends, please don't direct them here!_

 _PS! I will post the prologue for a new KenSou fanfic this friday on July 12th! The next update for THIS fanfic will then be pushed forward to July 19th!_

 _Enjoy this update! Blah blah blah, sexual content, you know the drill._

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 _"_ _I've got two faces  
_ _Blurry's the one I'm not  
_ _I've got two faces  
_ _Blurry's the one I'm not._ _"_

 _\- Twenty One Pilots_

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The air isn't what I remember it to be. It's nothing but ash.

I open my eyes, finding myself stranded in the middle of an Earth full of gravel and darkness. Where am I? I look around me, convinced that I'll find another life form, but I am standing here by myself. The sky above me is pitch black, but for some reason, I can see my hands, my feet, and the ground just fine. I blink, grunting. Is this another dream? I wonder what I am going to see this time. The last dream I had was with Soujiro and a ring of corpses floating all around him. What will I witness in this dream, and what could it possibly mean?

"Soujiro?" I call out as I walk forward, "Hey, Soujiro? Are you out here? Where are you? Answer me!"

I continue on forward despite not hearing him or anyone else answering me back. Where is everyone? This isn't real. I know it isn't, but it still feels ugly. Sometimes when I have dreams like this, I have to ask myself if what I'm really experiencing is death by momentum. I don't think we ever really know if the life we experience is real, or if it's someone else's dream. Philosophical dilemma, I know. I don't know what prompted me to do this, but I look up at the skies as it took on a different hue now, black fading into a deep navy blue. Just like the sea. Stars blink into existence and sparkle quietly, and I blink once and let out a startled gasp at what I'm looking at.

...

What is that thing?

A giant eye takes up nearly the majority of the skies now, buried in the bright cosmos and joining with the rest of the stars. It's iris is a steep dark red and is looking at nothing in particular, unblinking and completely still. My stomach churns. I don't like how that looks. It's dangerous.

"Hey.." I speak to myself, frowning at the skies, "What is that..?"

I blink and thankfully, the eye is no more. Replaced it were now these sea creatures slowly swimming in the skies; sharks, octopuses, fish of all kinds, turtles, dolphins, and more. Am I underwater? I look down at my feet, convinced that I will be floating in a watery and languid motion. But I'm still on gravel. That's so strange. I look up ahead and see the person that I've been looking for. Soujiro stands there and looks back at me, smiling as if none of this is happening. He looks so sweet and I'm so happy to see him! My heart thumps upon seeing his face and I smile, running up towards him. I slow down to a jog and then walk leisurely the nearer I come to him, until I stop right in front of him. He looks so happy to see me.

"Soujiro?"

He doesn't answer, but he does smile with his eyes.

Ugh, I don't care. I just embrace him and inhale the smell of his hair, surprised to find not of his usual shampoo smell, but of something else. It smells sweaty, like.. I gulp. It smells like how he always smells like after we've had sex. At that thought alone, my groin feels a pulse, groaning under my throat. Oh man. Will this be a hot sex dream? I think I'm down for it. In the next blink, Soujiro and I are stark naked and doing a classic sixty-nine, sucking each other off. The sea creatures continue to swim on above us and are happily ignoring us. I can feel Soujiro's tongue playing with my balls as I tickle the slit of his cock with my tongue. God, this feels so fucking good!

What was I so afraid of?

Just like that, we find ourselves standing in front of each other again. Completely clothed, as if what just happened before didn't happened. I frown, not liking what I'm seeing. Soujiro has his head down, facing the ground completely. I look up and all the sea creatures are gone. Where are they? Did we scared them off? Are they off to a different plane of existence? I look back at Soujiro, his head still bowing down. What is going on? My face feels clammy, and my hands are shaking. My heart is thumping, and I can't breathe suddenly. It feels so scary to be here all of a sudden. What's going on? Am I dead? Are we dead? Is this purgatory? Is this our hell?

What is..

"Soujiro.."

He looks up, his eyes completely blacked out except tiny red dots replacing the irises, and his smile wide and delirious:

"Ṁ̵̛͈̜̊̾͂̊͊͛͋̒̍́̒͂̓͊͌̆̇̇̐͘̕͝ỷ̷͉̱̲̬͙̞̝̩̰̦̠̬̹̏̆̌̈̌̓̎̀̉̄̇͛̓̿̐̕͘ ̴̨̺̩͉̰͈̫̲͇̌̚ą̶̢̛͕̞͇̟̠̯͓̪͔̞͍̬̺̦̗͉̭͍͎̗̻̺͓̹̜̃̐̈̂̀̎̓͋̿̓̅́́̏͋̿̂̕ͅṫ̸̡̢̨̛͉͈͚̯͇̫̩̳͚͉͎̪͇̇̀̃̈́̌̊̀͂̂͂͆̉̕͜e̶̙͂͌̽̀̓̉̚r̵̢̛̻͙̼͓͓̩̜̟͙͕̮̯̺͍̝̮̤̥̪̳͍̀̂̎̾͒̍̏̿͆͑̀̽̈́̀͗̀̌͑̈̽͑̆͝͠ͅ ̸̨̦̗̳̤̲͍͇͍̩̖̦͔̪̜͖̜̪͎͇͍̇́̐̌̊̈́̋̔́̆͂̓͐̑̀͌̎́̋̓̈́͐͋́͠͝͝ą̵̢̖̙͓̪̥̯̺̝͙̘̪̣̱̫̼͇̪̳͐̋̊̿̋̃͊̈́̃͆̚͜e̶̩̩͐̀̈́̓̀̓̊́̏̑͐̈́̎̋̿͒͒͐͋͘̕ͅd̴̢͔͖́́̓̽͘͘͠ ̴̛̪̪͎̝̺̥̼̪̦̇̀͋̐̐̿̐̔̈̾̒̉́͒̅̔́̅̒̽͆̑̚͠e̷̖͖̯͙̥͉͔͍̲̖͓̪̯̲̊̄̔̈̂͋̎̍̑́̋̆̈̎̚͠͝.̵̨̧̙͓̼͕̼͔̻̫̠͚͓̖͎̖͇̹͇͖̂͌͛̌̎̓̇͆̆̾͊̾̔͐̀́̎̈̑͐̈́̆̈́͌̅͒̕͜͠ͅ!"

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 _Soujiro.._

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 _No..!_

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 _Tell me that isn't true!_

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I didn't tell Soujiro about that nightmare I had last night.

What's the point? I don't want to upset him.

When the morning came, Soujiro and I arrived back home safely in Kyoto. It was early in the afternoon when we came back to his mansion. His father isn't home, and neither are any of the cleaning crew. Of course. It's a holiday day.. and even the most privileged or under privileged folks are given their time off. We answered back everyone's texts that we are okay and that we are back in one piece, much to the relief of everyone. Kaoru asked me if I will accompany her the upcoming weekend for a date, and though it kills the both of us, Soujiro tells me to go ahead and accept it. He says we'll change it to a group outing thing at the last moment, anyway. So I text her yes, my heart dropping as soon as I hit 'Send'. Maybe I can break up with her before the weekend comes up so that I don't go to the movies.. and have Soujiro come with me to explain everything to her. It's going to be an ugly scene for sure, but..

Well.. what other choice do I have?

I just want to be with the one I love.

 _"Mmm, yeah.."_ Soujiro sighs, riding my face and having his back turned towards me so I can gain easier access to eat him out. Meanwhile, he's pumping my cock to coax it into life, spitting on it every so often for extra lubrication. Every time he does that or goes faster, my body freezes and flinches, desperate in getting all up inside of him. But I want to be patient today. I want to make sure everything is nice and slippery since I want to fuck the ever loving shit out of him. Waking up next to him in the hotel room hours ago.. the way the rosy glow from the day break made him look so perfect and beautiful.. Well, let's just say, I had to fight with myself for all of the morning to not have sex with him in front of people.

With my free hand, I smacked his ass, which made him yelp out loud. Which made me smirk like the son of a bitch I am.

"Kenshin!" He growls and I laugh.

"What?!" I chuckle harder, probing my tongue deep inside of him while he writhes and whines in pleasure.

 _"Hah!"_ Soujiro leans forward, shoulders shaking from what I'm doing, _"Kenshin..!"_

Moments later, Soujiro sits on my cock as I hump upwards to fuck him. I sometimes wonder how our sex life will turn out when we transfer to a university together. We will insist on sharing a dorm room or apartment together, and not let anyone else live with us. With his generous wealth, that shouldn't be an issue. I just don't want the professors or the student body to know of our private business. Maybe it'll all turn out okay and I'm just worrying over nothing. For now, I'm just enjoying my last year in high school by having the most amazing sex with the hottest boy in Kyoto. I sit up and kiss the side of his neck, continuing in plummeting my cock up his hole harder and running my hand over his nipples. He groans and so do I.

 _"Kenshin.. hmm!"_ He moans and spreads his legs further, driving me into a state of wild passion.

I fuck him harder and faster, biting the flesh on his neck before groaning in his ear, _"God, you feel so good..!"_

Moments later, I watch in amusement as Soujiro cums hard as fuck and seeing his jizz shoot up to many meters into the air, soiling his fancy carpet. Bad boy! If it was some male prostitute I was visiting, I'd force him to eat the cum off from the floor.. But I'm not going to do that with my dearly beloved boyfriend, so I just fuck him softly until I eventually cum inside his hole. I shiver and lean all the way flat on my back onto the mattress, Soujiro leaning his temples against mines as we try to catch our breaths. God. No matter how many times we fucked since the very first time.. it always feels brand new to us. Maybe this is the sign that I've finally met the love of my life. The one. All of that bullshit. I thought it was fake before I met Soujiro.. but with him in my life, I'm starting to believe in that gay shit.

Speaking of gay shit..

"I think I'm gay."

"H-huh?" Soujiro balks at me after we were done showering and we're now hanging out in the living room, watching TV.

I scoff, "You heard me! I think I'm gay! And I.. I guess.. I don't know. Is this.. something we should tell the gang? Along with what I've been doing with Kaoru and you at the same time? I mean, come on, Soujiro! I've never.. I've never felt this way for anyone before.. no other woman could ever compare to you.."

Soujiro gapes at me, ".. Kenshin.. I.. I don't know what to say.. about this.. about all of this.."

I lie my head down now on his lap, and he plays with my hair. We don't say anything for a while. I am feeling weird about saying all of that just now. But.. Maybe there is a shred of truth in there. I think I overemphasize my sense of masculinity and sexual prowess with women to get away from something. Before I thought, it was because I didn't wanted to end up like Hiko, or like my biological father; old, impotent, and powerless of everything and everyone else. I didn't wanted to be weak or vulnerable.. so I got into drinking, and got into smoking, and I got into criminal activities, and doing all kinds of tough boy shit. I got into fights with other kids, I got into trouble with the cops, and I wore a leather jacket so that other people would think twice before trying to mess with me. I fucked a lot of women and would think of other things while I was with them..

Things like boys around my age, receiving my cock instead of these women. I thought.. that was normal. I thought I was just crazy. But none of that couldn't possibly be normal, right? I thought I was just weird.

Until I met Soujiro.

And just like that, something grew inside of me. Something beautiful and frightening, all at once.

"K-Kenshin.." Soujiro clears his throat, "I mean.. You don't.. have to come out as gay if you're not ready to. It's very hard to come out as gay, even these days. Even in this country. It's not like.. we even have all the rights, yet.. You don't have to do that to yourself.. I mean.. you can always come out as bisexual.. That's definitely better, I think! Trust me, you don't.. You don't want to be like me, Kenshin! Being gay.. it's.. it's bad.. m-my father said so.."

"Dude," I cut in, glaring at him openly, "Fuck your father. What does he know? He's just like every other old person on this Earth. A fucking bigot who can't keep up with us or with the times. Leave him behind. Learn to stop vying for his attention or for his acceptance, because he's not going to give it to you. Got it?"

Soujiro looks down on his lap, not replying. Great. I went at him too hard again. I sigh, sitting up right again so that I can take him into my arms, kissing his cheek and playing with his hair gently.

"I'm sorry. I'm being an asshole again, aren't I?" I smirk to myself, ignoring that small pain in my chest for knowing I've hurt him again.

"A little.." He whispers, but kisses my lips with his anyway, "It's okay, though. You're right. Why can't I just understand that? He's never going to like me. My dad, I mean. I don't know why I continuously twist and break myself so that I can impress him, or so that he can love me properly. He's always been so cold to me, and.. I just hate it! I hate that he's so nice with a lot of people, but with me, he's so distant. I thought I just had to try harder and harder. But no matter how high my grades were, or how many times I've gotten on special listings in schools for my grade point average, or doing extra curricular activities or charity events or whatever else.. it's never enough. It'll never be enough. I just.. I just have to stop trying, I guess.."

"Well," I shrug with one shoulder, now rubbing his back soothingly with my hand, "You don't have to get his attention or his love anymore, but there's nothing wrong with continuing in bettering yourself as a human being. Your high grades will be the ticket to getting the fuck out of your dad's place. Your degree will be the passport in getting any cool job you want, from anywhere around the world. All of your hard work will be praised by people who will love you and care about you more than your father ever will. Not everyone has the best of parents.. hell, some people don't even have parents. But that says nothing about them, just like it doesn't say anything about you as a person. If your father doesn't accept you, Soujiro, for you truly are.. that says more about him than it does about you. Got it?"

"Oh, Kenshin.." He looks at me now with a smile and tear stricken eyes, "You really are good to me, you know that?"

"You're damn right I am." I smile a little wickedly before leaning in to kiss him full on now, tongues meeting each other.

Time for another fun round.

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The rest of the week was mundane. Everyone felt refreshed from the long break and are all gushing about the Christmas shit they did, or the presents they got from their loved ones. Even the teachers were lenient about the lessons or the homework they've been giving out. It feels relaxing, and kind of boring. But in a way, I like the pacing at the same time. It'll do us all good for the dramatic weekend of having to come out with Soujiro about our secret relationship to our friends, as well as breaking Kaoru's heart. Gah, I hate that it has to come down to that! I never, ever thought in my entire life, that I would be the dickhead to hurt Kaoru like this. I used to be concerned whenever she'd have a little crush on a guy back then, and would always tell her that he's not good enough to date her. And she always listened to my advice. Now look at what I did to her in return. She's gonna end up hating all men after this, I swear to God.

I just want her to hate me instead. That would be for the best for everyone involved, honestly.

In the group chat, Soujiro opens up with an invitation for the movie theaters this Saturday. Everyone agreed, and everyone became hyper about it like usual. Everyone except Soujiro and I, of course. Friday evening, with Soujiro's dad missing in action yet again, I come on over to his place for a sleep over. Only this time, it wasn't just us; we also invited Sanosuke and Yahiko. We figured, should the friendship experience irreversible damage and end up breaking up, we'd like to spend as much time with these two knuckleheads as possible. It hurts. Watching Sanosuke and Yahiko bickering over something stupid together, it hurts to know that they might not stay in my life after the weekend is over. I've known these guys for what felt like my entire life.. and all for that to disappear when my relationship with Soujiro solidifies. I wonder what else I am going to lose when our relationship becomes public? I wonder what other catastrophes will occur when we come out together? What will Soujiro's father do with this information? How will my own father react to this? Will he go back to drinking? Will the teachers at our school no longer support Soujiro and may even start marking his grades lower out of spite?

I bite my lower lip, looking down at my arms crossing over my chest as I sit on the living room sofa while my friends are playing a video game together. We will lose _so much_ with this confession, will we? Watching Soujiro laughing with Sanosuke and Yahiko, acting without a care in the world.. As if what's really happening underneath all of this is just a joke.. I couldn't help but grit my teeth. I don't get it. What's he so fucking happy about? I'm about to lose _everything_ and _everyone_ thanks to him! Does he even care? Is he just all smiles to hide the pain he feels inside? I mean.. How exactly are we going to break the news to his fucking father, of all people? The head CEO of an extremely well respected, wealthy empire that Japan has ever seen.. to have everyone know that his one and only son is a homosexual, sleeping with other boys.. No, not even just other boys.. A boy like me, a boy with nothing to his name.. How will the world treat us, then?

"To the left, dipshit!" Sanosuke yells out.

"No, to your right, asshole!" Yahiko retorts back.

"Guys, calm down!" Soujiro giggles, to which they both respond with a death glare back at him, "Yikes, never mind, then!"

"You guys are morons." I scoff.

"Hey, aren't you gonna join us anytime soon? We need a fourth for the combat." Sanosuke says, not bothering to turn around to face me.

"You can play defense if you're feeling lazy." Yahiko shrugs casually, in the middle of pressing so many buttons so quickly with his thumbs on the game controller.

Tch. Literal fucking man children. They kind of remind me of Hiko, in a weird sense. So full of themselves and not caring about anything or anyone else, except their own damn selves. Buncha dirty, low lives. Buncha lazy ass fuckheads who only care about the next drinking binge, or the next high, or the next time they get to bust a nut. I hate them. Not really hate them, but.. Right now, I just fucking hate them. Looking at them makes me sick to my stomach. Though I am slowly getting temperamental every time I look at Soujiro and his usual dumb ass puppy dog antics, I'm starting to really wanna kick my other friends' asses. Fuck them! Fuck them all to hell!

But.. I gotta calm down for tonight. For Soujiro's sake. He made this night happen for a good reason. A reason that will soon come to light tomorrow night. We have to have a good time if we're gonna ruin everyone's lives tomorrow evening. It's the least we could do.

"I'll pass." I begin to stand up and away from the couch to head down to the kitchen, "Anyone want anything?"

"Whoa, there." Sanosuke pauses the game to get a look at me, "You serious? Since when did you acted like you own this place? If anything, Soujiro should be the one to get us the bites and the beer."

I glower, "Cut the shit and just tell me what you want!"

Silence.

Yahiko chuckles uneasily, "H-hey, you guys, come on now. Let's calm down. I know Kenshin comes around here a lot, so it's like, normal, or whatever, with Soujiro. Right, Souji?"

Soujiro looks at all of us with shocked eyes, but before it went on for too long, he bounces back with an equally nervous giggle, "Uh, yeah! Yeah, it's okay if Kenshin wants to get us something from my fridge! I don't care! I have way too much food, anyway!"

Sanosuke and I glare at each other for a few moments. The air is thick with intense awkwardness. Any wrong move, and we'll be having a bloodbath up in here. Finally, Sano just scoffs and gets up to walk out of the living room, "Gonna go out for a smoke. Don't bother me."

"Hey.. what.." Yahiko is at a loss for words, his hand trying to reach out towards Sanosuke's direction and everything.

Soujiro and I look at each other, not knowing what to say.

Great. So much for a good sleepover.

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"You really have to calm down!" Soujiro chastises me in the kitchen only moments later, "We said we would have fun tonight so that they won't get too broken up over the news tomorrow. You said it. You promised!"

I wince, "I know.."

Silence.

"So then, what's wrong?" Soujiro takes my hands in his, trying to get me to look at him as I lean back against the counter where the sink rests, "What's going on with you? Are you mad about something? Is it something they did? Something I said? Are you mad at me?"

"No.." I shake my head, "No. It's none of those things."

"Then what's wrong?" Soujiro tries to lean in to give me a kiss, but I turn my face away to evade it.

"Soujiro. No. Not here. Not while.. they're over there." I mutter to myself, feeling myself blushing.

More silence. He sighs.

"Fine." He lets go of my hands and steps away from me to head on over to the fridge, "Do you want to eat or drink anything?"

"If I did before, I've lost my appetite now. So no." I look on the floor glumly. Just how mad is Sanosuke at me right now?

"I think," Soujiro smiles from over his shoulder where I can see him, "You should go over to Sanosuke right now and have yourselves a talk."

I growl, "Yeah, right!"

"Why not? Salvage this, Kenshin. Who knows.. maybe a good, deep talk.. is just what's needed to maybe save our friendships with the guys tomorrow.."

I lean away from the sink, "Gee, you sure fucking care about that all of a sudden, huh?!"

"Hmm?" Soujiro turns around completely to face me, "What do you mean by that?"

"I saw how happy and giggly you are with them tonight, knowing _exactly_ the shit storm both of us will face with them tomorrow! Don't you care? Aren't you even a little bit scared of their reactions or losing them completely? I thought you liked my friends!"

"I love our friends.." He walks back over to me with his hands up, but unsure if he feels allowed to touch me or hold me right now, "But.. I love you so much as well, Kenshin. I don't.. I don't want us to live in secrecy anymore. Are you saying that you want us to keep being a secret like this? Do you really think waiting until we all graduate is going to cushion the blow for them?"

I grunt. He's right. There's no way out of this. Either I tell them now or later on, keep us both as a secret and paying the price for it every fucking day, or I break up with the love of my life. No matter what I choose, I fucking lose. I don't know what to do and I'm at a loss for what's the best route to take from here. But I do know one thing thing right now; Soujiro is right, in that I should at least go have a talk with Sanosuke right now. I shouldn't let him stand out there all by himself and being pissed off because I was being a typical piss baby. He's my.. Well.. He was my very best friend until Soujiro came along. It's only fair that I give respect to the one person who's been there for me for my entire life. It's not like his life was a bed of roses, either.

"I'll.. I'll go talk to Sano," I walk towards the door to exit out from the kitchen, "You just distract Yahiko so that he doesn't get a clue."

"And if he asks?"

"Just tell them that two bros gotta talk shit out and that it's no big deal."

Soujiro chuckles once, "Okay. Thank you. You're amazing."

I ignore my smile and blushing before heading out.

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I walk outside of the front porch, zipping up my leather jacket. The leather jacket that Soujiro lovingly bought for me. Heh. Anyway. Up ahead, I see Sanosuke leaning against a tree and smoking a cigarette leisurely. I sigh, burying my hands into my jacket pockets. Sanosuke Sagara. I've known you for so many years and we've been practically like brothers to each other. We were always together and we made each other into the young men that we are today. You taught me how to smoke and how to break glass bottles at the junkyard with a baseball bat. You taught me how to roll a joint and how to talk to women when I felt weird around them at fourteen years old. You taught me how to just try and ignore Hiko's drinking binges, just like I would help you bandage you up whenever your family members beat the shit out of you. We were gonna take over the world together, you and I.

What happened?

Oh, right.

Soujiro came along, and I fell in love. And I'm about to hurt you and all of our other friends. I forgot.

I walk on over to him, the sound of wet grass crunching under my combat boots. He doesn't turn around, but I could've sworn I heard him smirk and chuckle a little, knowing that someone has come looking for him. Maybe that's the thing with Sano. He knows that the world is unjust, and unkind. That he shouldn't be surprised if he isn't an important person or even worthy of any kind of respect. But whenever his friends come out looking for him, it always fucking surprises him each and every time. Oh, Sano. I hope one day you would stop putting yourself down like that. You are so much more important than you realize. At least.. to me, you are very much important. I'd die for you, you dumb shit. I smile bitterly as I am now next to him, wanting so much to just tear up, but I blink it away from my eyes. Don't be a sap, Kenshin. Just do what you have to do.

"Mind if I bum one?" I ask, rocking on my heels and tip toes.

He doesn't reply, but lifts up his box of cigarettes at me so that I can properly take one from it. As he hears me light it up with my own fluid lighter, he places his box away and sighs, a string of smoke forming a ribbon into the black sky.

"I'm here to say that I'm sorry for being a dick to you," I exhale, looking up at that same sky as he is too, "And for.. well.. Just me being me, I guess."

Sanosuke clears his throat, snarls, and spits on the ground next to him before replying, "Whatever."

My eye twitches, "C-come on, dude. You're not still mad at me, are you?"

"What's there to be mad about? It's obvious that you and Soujiro are now designated best buddies while I'm cut out from it."

My eyes widen, "Dude.. Nobody is _ever_ going to replace you. Especially not some rich kid living in this big house!"

Sanosuke smiles sadly at his shoes now, "Yeah.. I hope not. It was really starting to hurt my feelings, Kenshin. You and him are always hanging out, sleeping over and doing a lot of shit together. I know he's helping you with your grades and, I'm really fucking happy about that. I want you to graduate, dude. I want you to be out there and doing awesome shit. You're easily the smartest out of all of us. I'm serious. You have so much potential that even Kaoru couldn't measure up, and she actually gets better grades than us ever since grade school."

I sigh, "Dude.. Soujiro and I.. We're not super pals or whatever. It's just like you said. He's just helping me out. Because I help him out in not living such a sad, boring fucking life like how his dad wants him to live.."

Silence.

"His dad.. We've never met him, have we?" Sanosuke cocks an eyebrow at me.

I shake my head, "Nah. Don't think we ever will. That man's always traveling and shit. He's hardly ever home. Makes me feel bad for Soujiro."

"Yeah. That's rough."

"And.. I know you don't like it when I get all suspicious, but.." I glare at nothing in particular, "Do you ever think that maybe.. Just maybe.. He used to hurt Soujiro?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean.. Maybe he did something bad to Soujiro. Something seriously fucked up. I know you guys don't see it because I'm the only one who gets to see Soujiro more often, but like.. The things he does and says, dude.. It makes me worried. But at the same time, Soujiro doesn't let me find out anything about him or his life, or his past or his dad. It's fucking weird and I hate it."

"Hmm," Sanosuke leans away from the tree to face me fully, "What do you suppose we should do?"

"We?" I frown at his surprised gait.

"Uh, yeah? We! We shouldn't just let Soujiro's dad do whatever he wants towards our friend like that. Because if it really does turns out that Soujiro's dad is doing something awful to him, we should be in the know!"

I gulp. Oh, Sano. Even if what we're about to tell you tomorrow is going to fuck up _your_ world and everything that you used to know? Are you still going to want to protect Soujiro when I tell him that he's my boyfriend and that I fuck him behind everybody's backs?

"Sano.." My eyes start to blur from the impending tears behind them, "I.. I have to tell you something.."

Sanosuke crosses his arms in front of his chest and cocks his neck to the side, waiting.

I grip my hands into fists and can feel myself getting light headed from the intense anxiety right now, "I.. I mean.. It's about.. Soujiro, and I.."

Silence. I look at him and he frowns, still not getting it. God fucking dammit!

I grit my teeth and shut my eyes, deciding, to hell with it, and scream out loud, **"Soujiro and I are fucking each other! We're a couple now!"**

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"Kenshin. Holy shit."

 _(To be continued)_


	23. Still Inside You

_Author's Note: Finally! A longer update! I was going to write a sex scene at the end of this, but I don't want people to think I'm just writing this story JUST so I can keep churning out hentai. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with that. If anything, that's one big reason why you perverts keep coming back for more. For shame!_

 _Bone Deep: You have me rolling on the floor laughing! Hello, Bone Deep's friends! Hope you enjoy my stories! :)_

 _Jefcat: Now I'm blushing. I can't believe a certified gay guy is reading my garbage, LOL! I sure hope that my descriptions of sex between two males are at least semi-realistic. Then again, anime is never realistic, haha!_

 _For those who might be unaware, the first chapter of my newest KenSou fanfic, "The Lessons Of Summer", is up and ready! I won't update that one until this fanfic is completed._

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

 _"_ _I can't say,  
_ _Can't say if I'd only had my way,  
_ _Like a moth inside a flame,  
_ _All my choices had been made."_

 _\- Raised By Swans_

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Sanosuke and I go way back.

He moved into Kyoto when we were both just kids. It feels like forever. That's about how long our friendship lasted. Because Aoshi is older than me, I followed him around until Sano moved in, and soon it became the three of us. Yahiko and the others joined us not too long afterwards. With Sanosuke and I, we always hung out together during school, and after school hours, too. I don't remember much about my biological parents, and Sanosuke didn't wanted me to be reminded of it. His parents would sometimes feel like my parents because of all of our sleepovers at each others' houses. We were inseparable, him and I. I saw the worst of his bruises because of his abusive household; he saw the worst of my crying sessions because of Hiko's drinking. We always promised each other, that no matter what happens to us, or where the wind will blow us to, when it was time to grow up, go to college, find a job, and getting married.. that we will always stay in touch, and always try to stay in each others' lives.

He promised.

So did I.

And I wonder if tonight.. after what I just said.. that we will still be friends.

 ** _POW!_**

I cry out as I am punched right across the face by Sanosuke, landing on my ass. A flash of liquid heat is felt all over my face. I quickly realize that he got my nose pretty good. Blood starts to trickle and gush out from my nose, and I hold it. I'm holding back the tears inside my eyes. It hurts so much, and I can barely breathe from the panic I feel. But I deserve that. I really do. I would want someone to do that to someone else, if I knew that they were hiding such a big secret like that from me. Especially when it concerns the safety and feelings of Kaoru Kamiya. Doubly especially since she doesn't deserve something this disgusting in her life. The disgusting thing being, of course, getting cheated on by the guy you thought you could trust. Trusting him with your entire heart, body, and spirit. I definitely deserve to get my ass beaten to a pulp, at this point. It's what anyone else would've deserved. I'm a no good fucking asshole. A fucking asshole, just like my father, who abandoned my mom, and..

"Please. Tell me you're fucking with me. Please! Just say it!" Sano growls, but I can hear it. The pain in his voice. I hear it. I wince.

Then I sputter out, _"N-no! It is true! It's.. It's all fucking true! I fucked him!"_

Sanosuke grabs me by my jacket to haul me up clumsily and in haste. Once he has me standing on my two feet again, he hits me with his fist, right on the bridge of my nose. More blood gushes out. More pain and more suffering. And to be honest, it's nothing like I've ever experienced it before. I've gotten into a few horrible fights with other boys back then. It is what it is, in the world of male aggression and testosterone. And I needed to get hit a few times to even the karmic score, anyway. But it still hurts like fuck. I hate it! But still, I deserved that, and more! God knows I'm going to face more punishment when I tell the others about the truth. My stomach churns at that thought. Fuck. I'm really gonna end up without any friends anymore, will I?

...

Maybe it's what I deserve.

"You.. You _lied to us..!"_ Sanosuke bites back a dry sob, "But more importantly.. you _fucking lied.._ to the one girl who was _always_ there for you.. _You fucking idiot.. You absolute, goddamn fucking retard! How can you do this to Kaoru?! To all of us?! To.. me?"_

I am looking at him from behind my bangs, trying to catch my breath, the bottom half of my face completely drenched in blood. I am not going to wake up looking pretty tomorrow, that's for sure. At this rate, this slumber party is already ruined. But there really was just no way of hiding it in for much longer. I had to tell Sanosuke first, before I can come out to all the others. Maybe one day he'll appreciate being told first. He was my childhood friend, and that's never going to change. But for now.. For now, I think he just needs to get all of his anger out on me. It's only normal to feel like that. I am limp in his grasp, evading his eyes.

"Don't you have anything else to say?!"

I let my head drop in defeat, "I'm sorry.."

"Yeah, right! You're _'sorry!'_ I don't believe you, Shinta! The Kenshin I know would never be this fucking cruel and selfish! You might've been a pompous dick, but you always gave us the truth, even when it hurts! Now look at you, running around and hiding shit from us! What're you gonna say to Yahiko when I throw your ass out on the living room carpet?!"

 _"Let's find out..!"_ I start crying, shaking all over, _"I don't care anymore!"_

The world falls quiet, and a hush of wind blows over us gently. Though now my entire face feels hot and wet with blood, sweat, and tears.. My heart is a cold, bone dry well with an endless hole going nowhere. Who am I kidding. I am going to lose all of my friends. I'm going to lose everything. It's all thanks to my own reckless behavior. I don't have the right to blame Soujiro for any of this; It was me who kept on escalating this secret affair between us. It was me who said yes to Soujiro's offer. I could've just left the party early before he trapped me in his backyard to give me a blowjob; I couldn't kept ignoring him at school, no matter how much expensive shit he got for my friends, or how sweet his promises felt in my ear over getting good grades and sweet sex. I should've said no to anything he tried to propositioned me. I should've told everyone how I felt, even if they didn't wanted to believe me at first. I should've tried harder. I shouldn't have blocked that girl who knew Soujiro personally on Facebook; I should've talked to her more, and got more dirty details over him to ruin him with. I should've told Hiko what was happening and why he got that job!

I should've been honest right from the start. Now look at me.

I'm losing it..

".. Hey," Sanosuke now speaks in a softer tone, "Come on, Ken, stop.. stop crying. Stop it. Look, I'm.. I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry for hitting you. And for breaking your nose, too. I'm just so.. I just can't believe what I'm hearing, that's all. I just can't believe that something like this would happen to us."

I continue to weep silently to myself.

"But I guess.." Sanosuke sighs deeply, ".. I guess.. I guess I was right. About you and Soujiro, I mean."

I look at him, blinking my tears away, stunned, "W-what..?"

He looks at the ground, looking ashamed all of sudden, "N-nothing. It's just.. Well.. When you and Soujiro started hanging a lot together without the rest of us, Yahiko and I.. Well, I mean, he kinda started it! Yahiko thought it was weird at first, but didn't really put the pieces together until I kinda figured that something _weird_ was going on. We kinda just.. Had these strange conspiracies or whatever, that you two were getting it on or something. But then we would laugh it off and think, nah! Kenshin? Mister-Gets-All-The-Ladies-He-Wants? With Soujiro Seta, of all people? Soujiro, whom Kenshin hates with every cell of his being? Nuh uh. Couldn't be. It just couldn't be. But.. _Fuck_.. I guess, it's like that saying: Where there's smoke, there's fire."

I look right at him for a few moments, and then replied: "Yeah. I guess.. You already knew, then."

He winces, "Yeah. Yeah."

".. So."

"So."

"Let's.. go back inside, and tell Yahiko."

"Yeah. You owe it to him."

I do.

I owe it to everyone now.

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"Oh, hey! You guys are ba.. _What the fuck?!"_

"Yahiko. Calm down. Please." Sano steps in front of me after we walk inside the mansion again and into the living room, where Yahiko and Soujiro had remained the entire time. I must look like a right mess.

"Calm down? _Calm down!?_ Kenshin's face is busted wide open! Did you guys had a fucking fight or something?!" Yahiko is damn near yelling now, and Soujiro is staring at me with a pale complexion. I evade his eyes and I hear him make a sound, probably covering his mouth now in shock of what I've done. I guess I should have waited till the entire group was together. But well, one thing lead to another, and you know how it goes.

"He has to tell you something. Something important."

"It better fucking be, with all that mess!"

"H-hey, guys, let's just.. let's just calm down―" Soujiro is cut off from Yahiko.

"―Dude, seriously?" Yahiko turns to him angrily, "I like you and all, but right now? **Shut the fuck up!"**

"Alright, that's enough!" I spat and brush shoulders with Sanosuke to walk towards the dark haired teenager, "Don't talk to him like that! Sanosuke punched me in the face for a damn good reason, and I'll tell you what it is if you just calm your ass down!"

"How can I calm down when you're bleeding all over the floor like that!" Yahiko points downward and I let my eyes follow to see that he's right; there are droplets of bright red blood on Soujiro's most expensive hardwood flooring.

Soujiro walks over to me quickly, "I'll help you wash up. And then we can all talk."

My eyes flick up just in time to see an expression on Sanosuke's face that I have seen only once before: A look of pure and unadulterated disgust over Soujiro. My stomach flips. The only time he's ever looked like that, was when he and I saw those gay prostitutes hanging around in our sketchy neighborhood. Does he know that he's making that face right now? Is he aware of his own aversion over Soujiro and I right now? Does he hate people like Soujiro for something he can't control? Does he hate.. I gulp.. Does he hate people like me, too?

My nightmares really are coming true. The big eye from my previous nightmare now makes sense. I'm being judged by the one person who used to take up the majority of my lifetime, like that evil eye took up the entire skies in my dream.

While Sanosuke and Yahiko hang out downstairs to try to get each other to calm down, Soujiro leads me into his private bathroom to clean up my face. Since the bridge of my nose is pretty much broken, Soujiro could only offer me endless napkins to hold it up my nose. He had me out of my shirt and gave me one of his own from his closet, since I am staying over, anyway.

"I guess it's not going to stop bleeding." Soujiro sighs, sitting on the edge of the sink and watching me as I am sitting on the floor and tilting my head back, "We gotta get you to the emergency room."

I scoff, "Please. For a bleeding nose?"

"Your nose is broken. He got you pretty good."

"Yeah, well. I deserved it."

"Kenshin, I love you. But you're an idiot. You should have waited."

"I know."

"What were you thinking? How did things lead up to this?"

"I don't know. I guess I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I hate lying to my friends like this. I guess something told me to just.. confess everything tonight."

Silence. God, my face is killing me.

"Are we.. really going to tell Yahiko tonight, too?"

"Duh. Sanosuke probably already told him, so I guess we don't have to."

"Jesus Christ, Kenshin!" Soujiro pushes himself off from the sink and rubs his forehead exasperatedly, "You should've _fucking_ told me you were going to blow up like this! We had a plan and you promised we would stick it out together!"

I toss the bloodied napkin on the floor, "Yeah, okay, _I'm_ the fucking asshole! Not like this whole thing didn't started because of you blowing me at your house party all that time ago!"

 _"Don't_ start blaming me for this!" Soujiro whips around and walks towards me while pointing at himself for emphasis, and then points it right back at me, _"You_ shouldn't blame me for something you ended up liking so much! If you hated it that much, you wouldn't have accepted my offer in being your fuck buddy!"

I struggle to get up from the floor, glaring at him, "God, you're such a fucking bitch, you know that? A no good, stuck up rich bitch!"

"You know what?" His eyes flashes internal pain, "I'm not going to take this verbal abuse. You have a lot of explaining to do to Yahiko downstairs, and I have to get you to the hospital. Stop being an asshole for once in your life!"

"I'll stop being an asshole when you stop.." I can feel my eyes darting and floating around, trying to think of something. But I couldn't, so I give up with a glower, "You know what, never mind! I'll go fucking downstairs now. You can just piss here."

He looks taken back and beyond hurt. It feels like a punch to my stomach, seeing him like that. I cross my arms, then uncross them, and let my eyes scan all over the floor, where there are more drops of red blood. Goddamn. Soujiro's right. Sano really did get my nose pretty good. I don't know how I'm going to explain this to our friends tomorrow at the movie theater. Maybe we should make up some story about a psycho who was trying to rob us at gunpoint, and we had to barely escape from him. That could work. Well, if we lied to our friends once before.. I sigh. Jesus. How many more web of lies are we going to create just to save our own asses? Are we really that terrible to the people closest to us?

I look at Soujiro, who looks smaller than before, eyes downcast and everything. I sigh, my form softening and I mumble loud enough so that he can hear me, "I'm sorry. I really have to work on my anger. I shouldn't take things out on you like this. You're the one I love and.. I have to respect you and not put you down like this. You're so special to me, Soujiro. I'm terrified over losing my friends, but.. It's nothing compared to losing you. I'm so sorry. Do you forgive me?"

Soujiro lets out a lone tear and smiles with a sigh, "You dumb idiot. Of course I forgive you. I love you."

"I'd kiss you but my face feels like it got clobbered by a giant fucking bear." I could barely chuckle before I whine in pain.

"Yeah, don't.. don't move your face so much," Soujiro hisses in discomfort by the sight of my face, and instead he just hugs me simply, "We have got to stick with this together instead of apart, okay? Just listen to me and what I have to tell you. Let me come with you. I just don't want you to do anything else to warrant another beating. Let's take on all the angry bears together, instead of apart."

I scoff, "I can't promise you that I won't get my ass handed back to me ever again. But sure, I promise. Now let's go."

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Soujiro, Yahiko, Sano and I are now standing in the living room again, and I just finished admitting what was it that Sano and I discussed outside. Yahiko had to sit down on the couch and just stare at the floor, not knowing what to say. Sano just stood by with his arms crossed and looking beyond crushed over all of this. Soujiro just keeps biting his nail quietly to himself, obviously scared shitless out of his mind of what will happen next. And meanwhile, I'm just standing there, in the center of my own destruction. My entire world as I know it, everything I cherished and loved, going up into flames and scorched into nothing. I never felt so alone and petrified as I do tonight. Never thought in a million years that our friendship will go through something as devastating at this. Nothing will ever be the same again.

I wonder what my biological father had to say, if he were to see all of this. What he'd think of his only son now.

Finally, Yahiko starts to speak after a really long time of silence, "I think.. I think I want to go home now."

"Yahiko.." Soujiro says softly, trying to blink his tears away.

"Yeah. I'll take us both home, Yahiko," Sanosuke walks off to get both of their duffel bags in another sitting area of the mansion nearby, "I think the best thing we can all do now, is have some space between us."

"Yeah.." Yahiko whispers to himself, his eyes still on the floor.

Have you ever wanted to cry so hard, you feel sick?

 _"You don't..!"_ Soujiro suddenly sobs out loud, "You guys.. you don't hate us now.. do you?"

Sanosuke comes back with said duffel bags, not responding to Soujiro's questions. My throat feels tight and dry. I'm not holding napkins near my nose, though the bleeding has thankfully lightened up. I still have to go to the hospital, though. Yahiko stands up with a slight wobble, obviously an emotional wreck over my confession still. Soujiro watches helplessly as they both walk towards the front door, not looking or saying anything to us meanwhile.

"W-what, that's it?! You guys are just going to fucking stop talking to us?!" Soujiro hurries up to block their way out, standing between them and the front door of the mansion stubbornly, "It's not like Kenshin and I are proud at what we did!"

"Soujiro. Stop it. Please." I have my hands up, ready to hold someone back if a brawl breaks out.

But Soujiro continues, "I don't get you two! You wanted Kenshin to be fucking honest with you, but now that you people got exactly what you wanted from him, you're just gonna walk on out of here?!"

"Soujiro, that's enough. We just need time." Sanosuke takes a warning step forward, but Soujiro refuses to budge from his spot.

Yahiko just stands there with his eyes downcast, not knowing what to say.

"We'll talk about this some other time. I don't know if you're still going to continue with that movie thing with the others. But if you do.. Don't expect us to be there." Sanosuke glares at Soujiro straight on, making the latter glare right back.

It almost looks like Soujiro is going to take a good swing at Sanosuke's face, just for saying that. But thankfully, he doesn't.

"Fine. If that's how you want it," Soujiro whips around to rip the door open, and points his finger outside, _"Get out!_ I won't stop you!"

I open my mouth to say something, then I close it right back. As much as I want to plead for them to stay.. For once, I think I'm standing strong with Soujiro. Though I can understand both Sanosuke's and Yahiko's shock over this, to have them just walk out on us without caring to at least offer something in return.. I think I am a little hurt just as much as Soujiro is. I mean, we've all been friends for such a long time, and now they're going to act like we're full of germs just because we are in a homosexual relationship together? I hate to admit this as a time like this, but Soujiro's right. I'm kinda glad that they're leaving now.

Soujiro slams the door shut after they both walked out and he starts sobbing furiously in his hands, and I carefully walk on over to him to wrap my arms around him.

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 _"What did we do wrong?"_

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Later on that same night, Soujiro drives me to the nearest hospital. He actually stayed in the waiting room while I was being looked at. I told him to go the fuck home, but he refused. I acted peeved at that, but deep down, I'm flattered he wanted to stay by for me. The bridge of my nose, as it turns out, is broken. Just as I suspected. So, along with a couple of stitches to close up the skin around the area, they gave me what I jokingly refer to as a nose cast. Hours later, we were back home at Soujiro's place. Both of my eyes are already taking on a blackish purple tint, and it just makes Soujiro want to cry again, as a cruel reminder of what had happened. He feels so bad for me, that he ran me a hot bath, which fills me up with so much fucking guilt. Why do I always have to go and ruin everything?

I got in the water when it is ready and I lean my cheek against the edge of the porcelain tub, "Please join me, Soujiro."

He smiles sadly at me, now on the floor and running his fingers along the water, "I shouldn't."

"Why not?"

"I caused this. All of this. This is all my fault. I made your friends go away. With my own.. filth."

"You're not to blame, Soujiro. I'm the one who ran my mouth without thinking. I'm the fucking idiot. Not you. Now please. Please join me. I have a broken nose and two black eyes now, so I should be compensated."

He chuckles, "Oh, Kenshin. Alright, sure."

Soon he is lying on top of my body as I snuggle up with him. This is so nice, after that horrible shit show. Nobody has texted or called us after those guys left, so I doubt they told anyone about this. They're probably way too embarrassed to do so. Well, good. Imagine how the fuck we feel. Sometimes I'll hear Soujiro whimper and weep into the crane of my neck, and I'd rub his back or through his hair to comfort him. Those morons. I hate it when people make my lover like this cry. I sigh, just letting the hot water melt the stress from my body and his tears away.

Afterwards, the clock strikes midnight, and we're both beat. We went into Soujiro's bedroom and I climb into his bed while he texts his father that everything is fine and dandy at the mansion. God, that must be so weird to text your dad like that before getting into bed with your gay partner. He then places our phones on the chargers before coming into bed with me, cuddling into my arms.

"Does your face hurt?" He asks in the dark.

"They gave me really strong painkillers, so no, not really. They gave me extra, so I'll be fine."

"Good.." He kisses my neck, "I'm so sorry."

"For what?"

"For all that's happened tonight. I'm sorry. This is awful. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that. I guess I'm just upset at how _they_ reacted. I.. Expected better from them, to be honest."

I'm quiet for a moment before nodding, "Yeah. I agree."

I just have to wonder how tomorrow will go when we see all the others. Will it go just as badly as tonight? Will they still want to talk to us and be our friends despite the shit I've committed against Kaoru? I deflate. No. Of course they wouldn't. If Sano and Yahiko both easily walked away from us like that, then the others will surely behave the same way. What with Kaoru arguably being the most innocent of us all combined, they will surely take her side and shield her from the likes of me and Soujiro. Which isn't so much of a bad thing; Kaoru deserves to have great friends who will stick up for her. That's not what upsets me. What upsets me is that they probably won't come back with their 'We just need our space' thing and actually leave us for good.

All that will be left in my life.. is Soujiro..

I suddenly remember what Soujiro had once told me before: _"Because your friends will abandon us, and all we'll have is each other. Does that sound reasonable or healthy to you?"_

That's right. He told me that after I confessed that I am in love with him under the school bleachers, after I heard that he asked out that other bitch to the winter formal dance. He had warned me that something like this would happen. He warned me that if we were to take our relationship to public status, it would mean social isolation. It would mean that we would lose the people we love the most. But I was stubborn and loved him too much to care about the consequences. And though I know the worst have yet to come, at the same time.. I don't regret telling Sanosuke or Yahiko the truth. In a way, some weight is lifted from my spirit, and I feel lighter now. I hate having to carry around so many secrets like that to myself. Maybe that's selfish of me. Maybe my love for Soujiro, and desperately wanting to be with him against the wishes of other people, are all selfish. But I honestly don't care. I'm happy when I have Soujiro, here in my arms.

With abandon, I kiss his cheek and whisper, "I love you."

"W-what?" I bet Soujiro's face would glow red in the dark if we were both cartoon characters.

"Nothing. I just love you. I think.. things got a little out of hand tonight. It could've gone better, I think, if it weren't for my big fat mouth, ha ha. But at the same time.. It's funny, really. I thought that it could've gone way worse and everybody would storm off, and the friendships would be obliterated as well as our relationship. But.. It didn't. I don't know if those two are going to come back into our lives and be our friends like before, but maybe they won't abandon us completely. And you didn't leave me at all, Soujiro. And neither did I to you, though it would be easy to do so, with all that's happened. But I couldn't leave you, Soujiro. I don't care what's going to happen tomorrow with our other friends.. If they all leave us.. I still won't leave you. You are so important to me, and this relationship we have isn't just based on simple transactions. It's becoming something more. I can feel it. Can you feel it too, Soujiro?"

Soujiro hesitates, and I can swear I can feel him tearing up, "Kenshin.."

I smile, snuggling my face into his soft hair, "I love you, Soujiro. I won't leave you for the world. I promise."

"I.. I love you too, Kenshin," Soujiro moves his face upward for his lips to meet mines, sighing happily.

We made love that night. I don't want to get into it, because it wouldn't be fair to the memory. All I can tell you, is that it was the sweetest, slowest, and yet emotionally driven sex I have ever had. I was a sweet lover with Kaoru, but it felt lacking in something deep, something arbitrary and undefined. I found that in Soujiro, though, that night. I never heard him weep like that while I was rocking myself into him, savoring his entire body with my kisses and suckling, and how his body rippled in pleasure during his orgasms was intense. For the first time in our relationship.. We really joined together and became one. Not just in body, but in spirit, too. I know it's fun sometimes to just let loose, and have crazy passionate sex. But just for tonight? I actually enjoyed taking my time with Soujiro; Touching him, tasting him, and thrusting into him at a slower pace so that he can feel every inch of me in his body. We slept soundly afterward, totally exhausted, but so happy at the same time.

This I promise to you, Soujiro. I won't leave you.

Ever.

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The next day, as the sun goes down and the feeling of night comes alive, Soujiro and I wait at the local movie theaters for our friends to arrive. It's about twenty minutes until show time, so we have some time to spare. I have spent the entire morning and afternoon with Soujiro, role playing on how we are going to come out together to our friends, and what to expect from tonight. We talk about best case scenarios, having realistic expectations, and preparing for the worst. Soujiro would get slight tremors in his hands and I would catch one of his eyes twitching from all the anxiety, but I always tell him to just calm down and that everything will be alright. It doesn't do much for his nervousness, but he always looks so happy when I say that. I guess that's what's most important: having emotional support.

"Do you think they'll show up?" Soujiro asks as we sit in one of the small restaurant styled tables that are settled near the ticket booth and concession stand, drinking a large soda.

"Who? Sano and Yahiko?"

"Yeah."

"I don't know. Did they text you?"

"No. Did they text you?"

"Nah." I deflate, frowning.

"Well," Soujiro perks up, "If they don't arrive, at least.. at least the others will.. Right?"

"Yeah." I smile, but still feeling a bit unsure.

Maybe I am worrying over nothing. There's no way Sano or Yahiko would go and blab everything to everyone when things are still so raw from last night. They're probably too humiliated to say shit right now. So there's probably nothing to be suspicious about. I mean, Kaoru sent me some texts today and she seemed cheerful enough, so I know that everything will be okay. At least, until the grand confession time comes. But until then, we'll have fun tonight. Soujiro and I waited and chat for maybe ten minutes, and soon, our visitors arrive: Aoshi, Misao, Kaoru, and Megumi, waves and walk over to us excitedly. I exhale, relieved. I'm so glad they're here. But I'm also hurt that Sanosuke and Yahiko are not among them.

As soon as they came closer, though, and saw what was on my face, the girls freaked out. They kept asking me who the fuck did that to my nose, what happened, how did it happened, where is the motherfucker so they can beat them (Calm down, Megumi.), were the cops called (No, Kaoru, thank God.), do the other guys know (The other guys _were_ responsible for this nose cast, Misao.), and if it hurts. (Yes, Aoshi, you dick.) They fretted over me for a while, but as I make up a story about how Soujiro and I almost got mugged near my neighborhood and we couldn't tell who it was, they seemed to have calmed down a bit. They still looked very worried, save for maybe Aoshi, who seems suddenly more standoffish than usual. I frown at that, but decide to just ignore it, for everyone else's sake. And especially for Soujiro, who has high hopes for tonight.

"Did we kept you guys waiting?" Kaoru walks on over to me and I welcome her into my arms, "I'm sorry! We got a little lost on the way here!"

"It's fine. You're on time." I smile at her.

"I couldn't reach those two idiots, so I don't know where Sanosuke or Yahiko are." Megumi sighs bitterly with a roll of her eyes, "They better have a good excuse the next time I see those fuckers."

I gulp dryly. You'll find out sooner than you think.

"Whatever, all they do is scream and shout and it's nice for just us to hang out tonight!" Misao beams at her date dreamily, "Right, Aoshi?"

Aoshi only replies with a small "hmph" and looks away, but it still made her squeal with joy.

"Kenshin," Kaoru blushes, "It feels like.. a really long time, since we've seen each other. I didn't want to bother you, but.. I really do miss you a lot."

I can feel my face reddening, but not because of flattery. But because I know Soujiro is literally right there next to me, watching us. I smile back awkwardly, "Y-yeah. I miss you, too! I'm glad we can all hang out tonight."

"This movie better be worth the money." Aoshi cuts in dryly, "I'm only paying for Misao's ticket and food, so the rest of you should fend for yourselves."

At any other time, I'd be right in his face and coping an attitude. But just for tonight, I'm reeling everything in and just want to be on my best behavior. Maybe as a form of pre-damage control? I don't know, but I just look at Kaoru and say, "That's fine. I'll pay for my stuff and Kaoru's stuff."

"And I'll pay after you, Miss Megumi!" Soujiro walks on over and offers her his elbow so she can wrap her arms around it.

"Finally, a gentleman!" Megumi smiles smugly to herself, having bagged the rich guy for tonight. It's only for tonight, so I don't mind.

We all went to the ticket booth and the concession stand to get our stuff before heading down to the viewing room. I sit next to Kaoru, obviously. Soujiro sits next to me on my other side, next to Megumi on his other side. Aoshi and Misao sit together and next to Megumi. Sano and Yahiko have yet to shown up or contacted us, so we all assume that they aren't going to be here after all. My chest hurts so much just thinking about that. Fuck those two. I gave them my entire life and my friendship, and for them to just up and leave us like this for one mistake.. is just ridiculous. I know I'm completely in the wrong here, but.. Still. I fume secretly on the inside, but I try not to let it show. I don't want to worry the others or cause Kaoru any discomfort, knowing I'm going to blast her heart into pieces after the movie is over. I feel sick, knowing that. God. As Aoshi had said earlier before.. This movie better be worth the money.

I focus on the movie while holding Kaoru's hand.

When really.. All I want to do right now.. is to just be with Soujiro.

I hate this so much.

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"What a crap movie." Megumi puffs out a long string of smoke.

"Yeah. What a dud." Kaoru rubs her hands on her forearms.

We're now outside after the movie ended. I should've known that the movie would end badly. The director who made the film was failing miserably in his last few movies, but I didn't think he'd bomb this one, too. I guess I should've seen it coming. We all decided to have a smoking break until we decide what to do next. The night is still young, and Soujiro told me in secret that maybe we should treat them out for something sweet. Like milkshakes, or hot chocolate. I agreed to that idea. Maybe it'll cushion the blow for what I will tell them later on.

"Hey, um!" I chuckle nervously, scratching the side of my face with a finger, "W-why don't we, erm. Check out this one joint nearby? I read the reviews on it, apparently it's a weird American styled burger place where you can get stuff like milkshakes and other treats!"

"Oooh, really?! We should go! Can we, Aoshi, can we, huh, huh, huh?!" Misao is jumping up and down like a little kid, which made Megumi grimace.

Aoshi rolls his eyes and sighs, "Fine."

"I'll pay! For everyone! You don't even have to worry about picking up the tab!" Soujiro jumps into the conversation, appearing just as jittery as I am.

Megumi's eyebrow arches, "Are you two okay? You seem skittish ever since we arrived for the movie."

"Yeah..?" Misao also looks at us both with confusion in her eyes, "Are you guys okay?"

"Never better!" I say through a bitter smile.

They all blink in union, stumped.

"Good, because I'm posting my fancy hot chocolate picture on Snapchat to bug Sanosuke since he abandoned us!" Megumi chuckles evilly to herself.

"Then let's go." Aoshi steps on his cigarette with his boot.

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We arrive to the burger joint. It's Westernized style and has a 1950's flair to it. Neon lights, copies of autographed portraits, a retro styled juke box playing oldies music, the works. I really like it. Soujiro seems to dig the vibe, too. He looks so cute when he smiles and looks around in a dreamy manner. Gah, Soujiro! I can't wait.. I really can't. I can't wait till we're both out of this place. You and me, we're gonna do so many great things together, I just know it! So what if things will turn ugly this weekend? As long as we have each other, we can take on any curve balls that life tries to throw at us. The girls ordered these fancy ass hot chocolates with whipped cream and sprinkles, cookie bits, chocolate syrup, cinnamon powder, skittles or M&M's sprinkled on top.. If you can think it, it's on their drinks. Soujiro didn't felt particularly hungry, so he settles for a small hot cocoa with nothing on top. The same goes for me. I wish we can drink from the same cup. Or even from the same straw. Aoshi just has water, much to Misao's annoyance.

When all of this is over.. Will Soujiro and I be able to find other good friends, again?

"Look how cute this filter looks! Come closer so that I can get your face in!" Megumi gushes as Misao and Kaoru sit closer together to get a selfie in it.

"Cheeeeese!" Misao sticks her tongue out and Kaoru giggles.

"We look just like rabbits!" Kaoru throws in a peace sign with her hand before Megumi hits the shutter button on her phone.

"Got'eem!" Megumi laughs and they all huddle together to inspect the photo, "This is so going on all of our walls. Oh my God, let's have the boys take a picture together as rabbits!"

"Drop dead." Aoshi simply states, though he did not say it too coldly or hatefully. Still, Misao looks peeved at hearing that.

"You meanie!" She throws a raspberry at him with her tongue, "Kenshin, Soujiro, what about you two?"

"Do I look like I want to be humiliated?" I ask her in a deadpan tone, and Soujiro just chuckles awkwardly.

"Yeah, I don't feel like being made fun of at school for taking such a, um.. silly picture." Soujiro shrugs with his hands.

"Aw, come on! How about this, just a picture for our eyes only! Just for us girls! Pweeeeaaaaase?" Misao takes a hold of my arm and shakes it like the rightful idiot she is.

I look at Soujiro uneasily, but he just grins just as uneasily in return. There's no way out of this for us, is there? Well, fine. Let's get this over with. Shit will hit the fan later on tonight, anyway, so might as well give them what they want. We take Megumi's phone and hold it up over our faces, the camera detecting our faces and immediately both of our expressions reverts to two cutesy rabbits from the filter. I roll my eyes. I couldn't help but laugh though, and so did Soujiro. We take the picture for them and hand it back to the girls, where they squeal and giggle over the picture together. I sigh, looking at them. There goes the folks I've known for so many years. The friends I love so much, with every fiber of my being.

The friends I am going to ruin when tonight is over.

After we were done drinking and chatting, Soujiro pays the waitress and we all leave. We walk back towards the parking lot of the movie theaters to get to our cars. Misao then asks all of us if we should do something else, but Kaoru says she's starting to feel sleepy. Megumi pretends to be so wired up that she wants the night to continue, though Aoshi doesn't seem keen on the idea. Soujiro and I look at each other. I want to stay over at his place again, since tomorrow will be Sunday and Hiko is going to be doing extra work at his job, anyway. Soujiro then places his hand on my shoulder, gazing into my eyes, as if telling me: It's time we say something. It's now or never. And I bite the inside of my cheek, feeling nauseous. But he's right. It is time to say something.

Here goes nothing.

"Um.. Guys?" I start, my hands already forming into grips, "Soujiro and I.. have to tell you something."

"Huh?" Megumi puts her hands on her hips.

"What is it, Kenshin?" Kaoru blinks at us, hanging onto her car keys expectantly.

I try to say something, but the words won't come out. Aoshi scoffs, "This better be good."

"Come on, guys, hurry up, I'm starting to feel all sweaty from the hot chocolate!" Misao fans herself with her hand.

Goddammit! Will you all just shut the ever loving fuck up and let me finish?!

Soujiro comes to my rescue with awkward sputtering, "I-it's just..! We! Um.. We, um.. Kenshin and I.. We.."

They all look at us with deeply confusing expressions on their faces. Come on, Soujiro, say something!

Soujiro shuts his eyes and his face reddens, "We.. Kaoru.. I'm so sorry.. But.. Kenshin, and I.. We.. We are intimate t-together, and.."

I look at Kaoru's face as it starts to pale in deep shock, and everyone else look absolutely appalled. Intimate, Soujiro said. They're not stupid. They know exactly what he means with that word. I take a step back and so did Soujiro, both of us wanting to throw up at this point. Aoshi looks on with a hint of surprise in his eyes too, which is a look I am not used to, coming from him. But, he knew something about this before, doesn't he? He knew that Soujiro had feelings for me, and that he suspected that we were seeing each other in secrecy. I guess maybe he's more shocked that we had the balls to confess sooner than he thought. I bet he's also wondering if we're going to out him too, as being the witness of a private affair.

I finally gather the courage to fill in the blanks, "Yeah. Soujiro and I are together. We're sorry and we hate ourselves for hiding this from you guys.."

Nobody knows what to say for the next several moments. Megumi and Misao both look down on Kaoru who is now slowly crouching down on her knees and placing her hands on the sides of her head. I can't see Kaoru's face from where I'm standing, but she's barely making any sound despite her shoulders flinching. Megumi looked at Kaoru with a hand over her mouth, and Misao crouches down to see if she could comfort Kaoru in way possible, but seems perplexed on how to do that. I think she's crying but I can't be sure. Aoshi turns back to look at us and says, "I think you two should go."

Soujiro exhales shakily, "Fine. Let's go, Ken―"

 _"_ ― _Hold up!"_ Megumi looks back at us with explosive anger, "You two aren't going _any-fucking-where_ until you fucking explain to us how the hell all of this happened!"

"Yeah!" Misao shoots up from where she was crouching, "What the fuck, you guys?!"

Kaoru continues to just sit there in silence, though her shoulders have stopped shaking and she stares at the ground in a seemingly dissociative state.

"It.." I shut my eyes again, gulping down what felt like a large rock down my throat, "It happened at that house party at Soujiro's place, the first time he invited all of us over. He propositioned me for sex, and I.. I didn't rejected him because.. I liked it. I liked how it felt."

"So _you_ started all of this. This is all _your_ fault." Megumi is shooting venom from her eyes at Soujiro now, "You did this!"

I step in front of Soujiro defensively, "Yeah, but I could've stopped it, only I didn't. S-so don't go pointing fingers at just him! Blame me, instead! I'm.. I'm the one who fucking cheated on Kaoru!"

Now we can hear Kaoru heaving and sobbing into her hands, and it's the saddest sound I have ever heard coming from a human being before. She sounds so broken, and helpless. Megumi looks like she's ready to beat the shit out of me. Misao just doesn't know who to look at anymore, and looks absolutely gutted.

"What were you thinking when you two were fucking each other?!" Megumi marches on over to where I am and grabs me by the shirt collar to scream into my face, "Did you stopped to think about how much this would hurt Kaoru?! Or any of us?"

I grab her hands and seethe, "You think?!"

She looks shocked for one hot second, and then the next, she walks forward to forcefully push my back against the brick wall of the movie theater establishment, "I oughta kicked the fucking shit outta of you, do you hear me?! Is this why Sano and Yahiko weren't here with us tonight?! Do they know?!"

"Yes!" I am losing my breath, and I think I'm starting to hyperventilate, "Please, stop.. I'm going to.."

"No! Don't beg when I'm not finished with you! Sano was the one who broke your nose, wasn't it? Well, let me knock that thing off your nose, you son of a bitch!" Megumi lets go of my shirt with one hand to hover it above both of us, and I flinch, expecting to get hit.

But just when it's about to come down hard, Aoshi immediately takes her hand in his fist, and she balks at him. He only gives her a steel cold glare in return. Megumi is growling while I am afraid of making any sudden movement. The last thing I want is for her to hit me in the face (again), or for Aoshi to end up hurting her anymore than what is necessary. I'm not a fan of violence against women, after all. Fuck.

"Let go of me, Aoshi," Megumi warns, "This man hurt one of our best friends and like hell am I going to let him get away with that unscathed!"

"We can do this like adults, or we can do this the hard way," Aoshi speaks in a frighteningly even tone, considering the mess we are all in right now, "Don't make me choose. I'm already this close to hurting someone and I am not ashamed to admit that."

"Aoshi!" Soujiro cries out as he rushes over to where we are.

Megumi snaps from over her shoulder at Soujiro, "Don't you dare come any closer, you piece of shit! Kenshin was right about you! You don't belong here! You don't belong with us! You're not our friend! All you were this entire time was a no good, fucking snake!"

I finally gather the strength (and the guts) to lift my hands to yank myself from her grasp while Aoshi keeps his hold on Megumi. I stumble away from the duo and Soujiro joins me, holding my hand. Everyone looks on at our clasped hands and there's just no hiding it anymore: Soujiro and I really are lovers. Megumi's anger softens into devastation and she bites down a sob, eyes shut and tears streaming down her face.

"I can't believe you two." She hiccups, "I really.. I really didn't think you would hurt us like this, Kenshin."

I didn't reply, my heart bursting at the seams.

She takes in an uneasy breath, "I.. I have to go home. I don't.. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be your friend anymore. I've had enough of life."

Aoshi is silent for a bit before replying, "Don't be like this. You are only hurting yourself more. I think it's best we all take some time apart."

I shut my eyes painfully. This shit again.

"F-fine." Soujiro says in a soft and equally devastated voice, "I'm fine with that.."

I hesitate, but nod even though no one is looking at me doing that, "Me too."

We were all quiet, unsure of what else to say. Because there really isn't anything else to say. We hurt Kaoru and now everyone wants to separate for a while. What else is there to add? We fucked up everyone's senior year with this shit. Soujiro shivers once and lets his own tears roll down his face, and I had to fight with every ounce of my being to not take his chin in my hand gently to kiss him. As Aoshi holds a crying Megumi in his arms, we turn around to walk on towards Soujiro's car to leave for the night. My eyes catches the sight of Misao still crouching on the ground, glomping her own body over Kaoru's small shaking frame. She is giving us both the death glare as we walk past them. If looks could kill, honestly.

What a horrible night.

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"Hey, son! Are you coming home tonight?"

"No, dad, I can't. I'm staying over at my friends again."

"I see. Do you need any money?"

"No."

".. What's wrong, Shinta?"

"It's.. It's nothing. I'm just tired."

"Alright, son. I just miss you, is all."

"I miss you too, dad."

"Ha ha, you know I'm just your stepdad, right?"

"No, dad. You really are my dad."

"Aw, shucks. Thank you. I really hope I see your face tomorrow. We can go out for pizza, if you want."

"That sounds great, dad. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night, son."

"Night, dad."

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"I can't help but overhear you and your dad. I'm.. So glad things are better between the two of you. Guess I did the right thing by having my dad in getting your dad a job, huh?" Soujiro smiles at me, his eyes completely red and dried out from all the crying.

We are now in his bedroom again, about an hour after that fucking disaster between us and our ex-friends. I stupidly checked my Facebook and saw that I've been blocked by Sanosuke, Yahiko, Megumi, Kaoru, Misao, and even Tsubame. I guess she and Yahiko are officially together and is just doing what any other normal girlfriend would do when something like this happens. Fuck. All the other dozens of friends on my contact list probably hadn't caught on the news yet, and I'm not blocked by them. Aoshi hasn't blocked me or Soujiro yet, since he is somewhat to blame for all of this. Damn, how will Misao react to that? Will she still love and trust him after his helping Soujiro out in getting close to me?

I smirk sleepily at the ceiling above us, "Yeah. Whoever said money doesn't make you happy is a fucking idiot."

Soujiro snuggles up to me and whimpers weakly, "I'm so sorry, Kenshin. About tonight. About all of this. I don't know how I'm going to face everyone at school on Monday. Are they going to ignore us? Avoid us?"

I shrug, sighing, "Probably. But there's nothing to do about it, but to accept it and give them their space. It's the least we could do."

"Yeah.."

"I think," I sniff, wrapping my arm around his frame to comfort him, "I think we should just focus on ourselves, you know? Like, we should just focus on getting the best damn grades possible, and get out of here when we graduate from high school. We should just leave Kyoto, altogether. Make a life for ourselves."

Soujiro smirks, shaking his head, "Oh, Kenshin. I'm still so.. scared. Of my father. Of what he'd do, or what other people would do to us, if the world knew about us."

"Fuck them. Fuck everyone."

We cuddle for a little while. And we try to talk about other things. Light hearted stuff. We don't want to think about Monday. We don't want to think about school, or being bullied, or disappointing our fathers. We just want to talk about the good side of life. We talk about things like the latest video games that will come out soon. We talk about childhood memories that makes us happy. We talk about what is it we really wanted to do after high school. What we want to do after college, in fact. I still tell Soujiro that he should give veterinarian school a chance. He tells me he thinks I'd make a wonderful teacher or professor of sorts. He tells me I'm smart and can articulate things about art and philosophy really well; I tell him that his heart is big enough to care for all the animals in the world. We talk about what our future home would be like.

"I think.." Soujiro frowns, us still lying in his bed, "I think I want to know what's on my father's laptop, after all."

"Hmm? Uh.." I laugh nervously, "W-what the hell was that for?"

"Well.. Aren't you curious? About what's on it? Maybe I can crack into it, somehow. Maybe there's something in his room that could give us a clue. There just has to be something there. Don't you want to know?"

"Soujiro," I sit up and look at him, "I don't think we should disappoint ourselves anymore tonight. We've had a rough weekend. We should do something fun, instead."

He looks up at me, confused, "Like what?"

I smile deviously at him. His eyes widen, and then his eyelids lower. He slowly sits up, inching his face closer to mines in order to kiss my lips. But before he does, I press two fingers against his lips. He blinks in confusion. I lean closer to whisper something into his ear.

"Karaoke. Night."

 _(To be continued.)_


	24. That's What You Get

_Author's note: Hey you guys. :( So I know this is a little personal and I don't want anyone here to feel obligated to jump in and try to "help me" or even comfort me, but I learned recently that I have an autoimmune disease. So, I've been researching ways to how to learn to live with it, treatment options, and so on, so that I can try to live a normal life again. I was so emotionally distraught because sometimes this can mean something very serious in the future, since my immune system no longer works as well like when I was younger.. it can turn into cancer if I'm not careful. So I've been a bit preoccupied with that. But don't you worry! I will finish this story!_

 _Thank you, Jefcat, for the wonderful private message, I am going to reply to it now! :3_

 _This will be a bit of a short update, and truth be told, I'm willing to extend my time with this if it means I have to work on it during autumn and winter time this year. I feel like there's SO MUCH stuff I have to write and tie everything up nicely, to make sure that the ending serves the big emotional punch in the gut that I want to achieve near the end of this saga. I think it'll be worth the wait and the hard work!_

 _Enjoy!_

* * *

 _"That's what you get_  
 _When you let your heart win."_

 _\- Paramore_

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"So. Fucking. Stupid." Soujiro says, laughing.

"Come on. You know you wanna." My eyebrows does a little dance, making him laugh harder.

We're now in his living room. Turning on the game system attached to the flat screen TV, Soujiro helps me set up a game he hadn't played in a long time. The last time he did, in fact, was when he played with friends back in Russia. It has been at least a few years, he said, but he did remember how much fun it was. The disc in the system is some kind of party themed video game for multi-players, and one of its feature is karaoke. I'll admit, I'm only half decent at singing; the last time I really belt out was maybe last year, under one drunken night with Sano and Yahiko. A sharp pain shoots up in my chest when I think of those names. Just how nasty will they be to us, Monday morning? Will they actually try to hurt us? They're not exactly big fans of boys who like boys, after all..

Am I just worried about nothing?

"It's set up. Just press B to begin. Oh, look! I got the highest score from two years ago! I wonder if you can beat that." Soujiro winks at me, and I look at him.

"Soujiro.." I couldn't complete my sentence, opting instead to just lean in and kiss his lips. I just don't want to be reminded.

"Hmm?" Soujiro leans back to break the kiss, "What was that for?"

"I.. It's nothing," I turn away from him, "Let's start the game. I know I can beat your score."

"Huh!" He scoffs, "We'll see about that!"

I smile. There's nothing to be worried about. Whatever happens, at least we'll have each others' backs. Nothing will separate us, and nobody is going to get in between us. It's actually crazy just how protective I've gotten over Soujiro. According to the game memory, Soujiro's high score was for the song, "This Woman's World" by Kate Bush. I had to laugh out loud, much to his embarrassment.

"Okay, okay! We don't have to do that fucking song! It's just so funny that you legit sang that!" I wipe a tear from out of my eye.

He shoves my shoulder, "Cut it out, you big dummy. Choose a song and make it count!"

My chuckle dies down naturally as I look through the song list. There's lots to choose from, which is both a good thing and a bad thing. I wonder which one will embarrass him the most. Then again, I don't feel like singing a ridiculous song, either. It has to be something that doesn't sound lame. I am not going to do a love song, if it can be helped. I fucking hate those mushy ass songs that our female friends adore so much. Another pain in my chest, and I blink it away from my eyes. No. I won't think about them tonight. We should only focus on the positives now.. Which, right now, feels so hard, because I'm not usually one to be optimistic about anything in life. But for Soujiro's sake, I'll do exactly that.

"Let's sing 'That's What You Get', by.." I wrap my arm around his shoulders with a cheeky grin, "Paramore?"

"Fine." He sighs.

"Aww, don't be glum. We're going to sing this together so it won't sound as bad."

"I don't know about _you,_ but I happen to have a nice voice." Soujiro sticks his tongue at me playfully.

"We'll see about that."

We set up the song, and in both of our hands, are the plugged in microphones. Though it is late at night, we don't have to worry about disturbing any neighbors since Soujiro's house has it own private land far from any other houses. Plus, sound proof walls, bitches. As the song loads up, and the words fade into the screen, we pipe up as the first several musical notes are played. We follow as soon as the words are colored up with different hues and tones to the timing of the song:

 _"_ _I don't mind  
_ _Letting you down easy but just give it time  
_ _If it don't hurt now, but just wait, just wait a while  
_ _You're not the big fish in the pond no more  
_ _You are what they're feeding on."_

 _"Whew!"_ Soujiro whoops at our amazing synchronized singing. Even I'm impressed.

 _"So what are you gonna do?  
_ _When the world don't orbit around you?  
_ _So what are you gonna do?  
_ _When the world don't orbit around you?"_

Soujiro kisses my cheek quickly before the next sequence.

 _"Ain't it fun?_  
 _Living in the real world?_  
 _Ain't it good?_  
 _Being all alone?"_

I quickly return the favor to him before we sing again.

 _"_ _Where you're from  
_ _You might be the one who's running things  
_ _Well you can ring anybody's bell and get what you want  
_ _See it's easy to ignore trouble  
_ _When you're living in a bubble."_

Yeesh. These lyrics seem to hit home, looking at Soujiro's eyes flickering wide for a second.

 _"So what are you gonna do?  
_ _When the world don't orbit around you?  
_ _So what are you gonna do?  
_ _When nobody wants to fool with you?"_

When the world stops orbiting around you, Soujiro..

I'll be there for you.

 _"Ain't it fun?_  
 _Living in the real world?_  
 _Ain't it good?_  
 _Being all alone?"_

Soujiro's voice starts to crack and I turn to him curiously.

"I.. stop." He blinks and turns his face away from my eyes as the song continues on:

 _"Ain't it good to be on your own?_  
 _Ain't it fun, you can't count on no one?_  
 _Ain't it good to be on your own?_  
 _Ain't it fun you can't count on no one?_  
 _Ain't it fun?"  
_ _Living in the real world?"_

I wasn't singing anymore. Before I knew it, I am gently holding Soujiro as he gently weeps in the crane of my neck. I rub my fingers through his silky locks, wondering if maybe this karaoke thing was a bad idea after all. I didn't mean to make tonight's situation worse than it already is. Maybe the lyrics seemed to hit home too hard for Soujiro. Does he really feel all that alone in the real world? Is it his father's fault that Soujiro feels so cut off from the rest of normal society? I think Soujiro was trying to tell me something earlier, when he seemed very keen on looking through that laptop. But seeing him right now in this state, I don't think he has the hearts to see what could be on there, or what his father could be hiding from him. And although I want nothing more than to know what evils lurk in that piece of technology, I wonder if I have the strength right now to face it. There's so much messed up shit in this world, that I just don't have it in me to look through each and every type of them.

 _"_ _Don't go crying to your mama  
_ _'Cause you're on you're own, in the real world  
_ _Don't go crying to your mama  
_ _'Cause you're on you're own, in the real world."_

Right now, I just have to be strong for Soujiro. That's all that I can do and all that really matters, in the end. If it means we have to go through the rest of this school year with just each other, then I'll do it. If it means that the only person who wants to talk to me or hang out with me are just him and my father, then I don't care. I know what I'm doing. I know where I'm going after this school year ends. It's going far away someplace else, with Soujiro's hand in mine, and doing all kinds of awesome shit. There's nothing or anybody can do to separate us, and fuck them if they try. I'll rip their gallbladders out. I tighten my embrace around Soujiro as his crying slowly dies down.

 _"_ _Don't go crying to your mama  
_ _'Cause you're on you're own, in the real world  
_ _Don't go crying to your mama  
_ _'Cause you're on you're own, in the real world."_

"Turn it off.." Soujiro whines.

I do so. The room is pitch black and there is no sound. I wait for him, and he just sits there with his wet closed eyes pressed into my neck now. Um. Shit. Ha ha. I know this is going to sound really fucking terrible, at a time like this. But.. Having Soujiro so openly vulnerable and emotional like this, stirs something inside of me. I grip the sofa leather as I feel myself firm up down in my boxer shorts. Is it bad that I really want to make love to him right now? Or would he be offended? I'd probably feel offended, if I were in his shoes right now. This can't be right. But I am just helplessly attracted to him, and the softness of his heart. Growing up, I was always the more colder and harsh type, never comfortable with open displays of affection or emotions from other people. That's just how I am. I thought it was just a male thing, or because I lost my parents so young. Or because Hiko drank so much, and I felt so alone and scared, that I'd cover it up by being a hard ass.

But with Soujiro, it's just not the same. I can't always be hard when it comes to him, and at first, it pissed me off. But now, I really like it. I like that I can lower my shield down with him. I like the contrasting nature of our personalities; Him more sociable and emotionally expressive, and I being more introverted and seeing things logically. He likes being happy, and my anger comes to me naturally. He cares about other people, and I feel more like the lone wolf type, despite having so many great friends in my life. Gah, I can't take my fucking boner anymore! I lean softly in to kiss him on his neck, and I wait. He doesn't respond. I do it again, longer this time, and I wait. He responds with a slight movement of his head, to wipe his tears off of me. Not that I mind, of course. I lean in to kiss his neck, only this time, I open my mouth to suck on it gently, really pushing my luck this time.

But thankfully, he lets me. He arches his neck to the other side to let me gain more access, and with that simple action, my lust became ravenous; I grab him as I stand up, making out with him, my cock hardening as I hear him moan delightfully in my mouth. Would he get upset with me later? He seems receptive now, but..

I break the kiss, whispering, "Are you okay with this?"

He nods, grabbing my face to kiss me forcefully, and my knees buckle. He's such a great kisser. One of the many weird things I have a love-hate relationship with when it comes to him. I hated him when I thought he was a stuck up, sheltered, spoiled little brat. Now I love him because he doesn't have to suffer from economic hardships like I do, and because he wants me to strive to move on up in life. His hardworking ways have been rubbing off on me with good results. I hated that he could easily charm the pants off (Literally!) of anyone he meets, and now I love him because he's so damn irresistible to me. I hated him because he was always so goddamn peppy and sunny in his disposition; now I love him because he's warm and sweet, and makes me happy just by being around him.

 _"Hah.. ha-hmmm!"_ Soujiro pants as I go down on him, his back on his mattress and me feeling my way around his hole with my finger. I'm stroking myself with my other hand to keep myself hard as I pleasure him, trying to pace myself so that I don't end up cumming all over him. Then again, he probably wouldn't mind that.

I come up and chuckle, "Hey. Remember that contest we had in the forest?"

"The one where we.." Soujiro then sighs, "You want to do that _now?"_

"Relax. You don't have to do anything but lie there and let me do all the work." I position myself carefully to sit in between his inner thighs and haul his legs up a bit so that his ass is right on my lap, "You're nice and wet from me sucking you, aren't you?"

 _"Hah, I!"_ Soujiro couldn't finish because I interrupt him with dragging my finger along the length of his cock, making him shiver in pleasure, _"Hnng!"_

"Oh, good, you're agreeing to the contest, then!" I laugh, totally aware of how much of a complete asshole I'm being right now, "Last time was too close of a tie to tell who the winner was. I'm certain I'll win this time. You're already begging to cum, huh?"

 _"Kenshin.. God, please, touch me!"_ He whines. I chuckle. Too cute.

"Okay." I mumble, my arousal state deepening as I wrap my fingers around both of our members together, spitting on mine for lubrication.

 _"Hmm!"_ He flinches, grabbing my arm that's attached to our cocks now.

I begin pumping, every so often spitting on them for easier slippage. I let my head roll back and close my eyes, grunting quietly to myself. This feels so fucking good. Doing anything sexual with Soujiro is always a treat for me to enjoy. I love how easily excited he gets when I touch him. I like how he sounds when I please him, and I especially love how hard he cums in the end. I can feel him struggle under me with trying not to cum before me, his hips buckling upward, as if to fuck himself with my hand. With my other hand and without looking down, I reach over to flick against his sensitive nipples, making him cry out in ecstasy. Oh my, someone's a little more raw than usual. I smirk to myself, delighted and so fucking horny.

 _"Hnngrr!"_ Soujiro is now squirming, _"Hawwwungh!"_

"Geez," I shake my head, "If you're gonna cum, out with it, already. All these sounds you're doing is just making _me_ want to cum first. Cheater."

 _"Hah! You jerk!"_

"You love it." I chuckle.

I continue. It's getting harder the longer this passes, and I worry he's going to come out on top. I'm a sore loser, come to think of it. I don't like it when Soujiro gets the highest grade on a test during class, or when he beats me in a video game. Call it masculine pride, or what have you, I just don't like losing to someone like him. Mr Prissy Rich Dude. I'll show you. I'll show you who's boss. Although I let him have his way with me back at that hotel, I don't think I'll do such a thing again. I like being on top, truth be told. The sound of my pumping sounds like wet sludgy slugs slapping against each other, and that mental image is enough to hold me over for the next few minutes. I'm starting to get the feeling that Soujiro's not able to hang on for much longer, based on the delectable sounds he's making. God, hurry up, will you? I want to cum soon, too!

 _"I can't.. I.. I'm cumming..!"_ Soujiro's body jerks (Finally!) and I feel fluids shooting up and all around, hitting his body and parts of mine as well. His last spurts drench both of our cocks with his cum now, his moaning and panting driving me up the wall now. I can't take it anymore. Why does he have to be so goddamn sexy?

Since I win the game, I guess I'll have to finish myself now. With my cock oiled up with both my spit and his cum, I just simply take the base of it and slip into his hole now. His body freezes up for a second, but then starts groaning helplessly as I start fucking him. He spreads his legs out for me and I lean forward, absolutely plummeting myself into his body. Any harder or faster and I'd split the poor boy in half. His moans is fucking music to my ears. His hole is fucking insane. I gnaw on his neck and my cock harshly hits his sensitive spot over and over again, much to his pain and pleasure. It only took me just a couple of minutes or so before I can feel the familiar pull in my lower torso, and I bite down my groan, cumming. I keep cumming and spurting a shit ton of cum inside of his shaking, sweaty body, surprising the both of us. I'm pretty sure I've masturbated and fucked Soujiro quite enough times before this event. Maybe just the knowledge that I was able to fuck him when he's feeling vulnerable made me want to cum like a monster tonight. I'm such an ass. I smirk as the last drop of cum leaves my body, sliding out carefully, "Sorry. Just had to cum in your ass."

"Ugh. You even had my cum in there.." Soujiro shakes his head incredulously, "You're a dog."

I imitate the sounds of an eager puppy, panting happily and woofing once before I lean in to kiss his lips. He laughs softly in between kisses, and I'm glad to hear that from him. He's happy again. I've done the good boyfriend deed! But I know it's going to take a lot more than this, to fix everything I've fucked up between us. It's a miracle he decided to stay with me after I was secretly sleeping with Kaoru behind his back for a while. Maybe my confession to her tonight was what soothed his broken heart? Well.. It's harsh, but it does make sense. You have to hurt someone else sometimes to fix something, or save someone else's feelings. Life be like that sometimes. I know I have to answer to our friends coming Monday morning, and who knows how they'll behave towards us after our confessions.

But for now.. I'm just enjoying what I have here, tonight.

Don't worry, Soujiro.

We'll make it.

 _(To be continued)_


	25. Come Undone

_"_ _Can't ever keep from falling apart  
_ _At the seams  
_ _Can't I believe you're taking my heart  
_ _To pieces"_

 _\- Duran Duran_

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On Sunday morning, I returned home to Hiko. I promised him to be with him and so that's what I did. He and I both went out and did some things like taking a look around the stores, going to a small nearby park to look at what's left of nature, and so on. We just hung out and laughed at dumb stuff together. It's a weird surreal thing, but I like how sober and clean Hiko is looking these days. I'm so glad he has that job now. I'm glad Soujiro's persistent nature really paid off in the end. I can have my father back. The father I remember so fondly when I was a little boy. We both returned home early in the evening and had oriental takeout for dinner. It was a really normal, but fun day for the both of us.

I'm not going to lie. I'm fucking nervous as shit about tomorrow morning, and for the rest of this week. I'm dreading of what will unfold for me and Soujiro. Our friends still has us on block, except for Aoshi, and the other casual acquaintances who have not been told of the news yet. Ignorance is bliss, I suppose. I just have to tough it out for a few more months and soon, graduation will free us both from this living nightmare. Whoever said that honesty was best policy no matter what was a fucking liar, and I want to punch him in the face. I turn out the light to go to sleep that night, though I kept tossing and turning. I dream of those hyper realistic eyes again, only this time, I'm holding onto Soujiro as he's blubbering like a mess in my embrace.

God.

Morning slowly arrive, peaking through the mini blinds of my window. Hiko's been decorating the home, now that he has the disposable income to do so. He's calling up people to fix stuff in it too, and little by little, it's starting to look and feel like a real home. We even have heat now! It's not the best, but it'd be worse if it wasn't working. I dress myself with the usual menacing punk attire, and head downstairs to have breakfast with Hiko. I did a great job masking the anxiety I feel inside, and Hiko didn't seemed to have noticed anything was wrong. I showed him my best face, but on the inside, I'm shaking like a leaf. I could hardly finish the breakfast, but I gulped down the coffee, at the very least. I'll need it to have energy for today. Hiko chirped "Good luck!" and I wince, laughing awkwardly at that.

If only he knew.

I took a metro bus to arrive near the school and walked my way there. Pretty soon, Hiko would buy me a new car to drive myself to places. Or better yet, a fucking motorcycle, like the one Sano drives and lets me sit behind him. I gulp down the bitterness in my throat at that memory. It's time. It's time to face the music. I can do this. Soujiro should be there today, right? He didn't text or call me this morning, and it's not really helping out my jittery state. I hate to sound like a weak child, but he better be there. I can't do this all by myself. I didn't think I could ever be in a situation like this. I don't know if my usual I-don't-care antic is going to protect me from all of this. This time, it will be a true test of my strength.

I arrive at homeroom. Students have filled up, but I don't see my ex-friends there. Maybe I'm just early. I take my seat. Goddammit, Soujiro, where are you? Since Mrs Kita isn't here yet, I take out my phone to text him: _Are you coming to school today? Please don't let me be here all by myself._

Desperate? Yes.

My nervousness is at an all time high now. I swear I could see some people giving me strange looks, as if they were in the know or are in on it. Of course, maybe they're just reacting to my skittish behavior. My eyes keep darting left and right at any small movement of the homeroom, and I try to slow down my breathing. I guess this is what Soujiro has to go through, every time people are aware of him being gay. This fucking sucks. I nearly jump out of my skin when I feel the familiar vibration in my jean pocket, making people turn towards me with annoyance now. I ignore them and look at my phone, my stomach dropping: _Yes baby. I'll be there. I'm almost there._

Soujiro.. With a tearful smile, I text back: _Please hurry, hun. I love you._

I tuck my phone away. Looking ahead, I see the first of my ex-friends: Sanosuke. He sees me and I look back at him, eyes widening. Is he going to ignore me? Berate me? Hit me in front of everyone? No. He just grunts, looks at the floor for a moment, and turns to sit in a desk many chairs in front of me. A first for him, since he was never one to sit in the front row like that. One student looked at Sano and then at me, blinking in confusion. Goddammit. This is going to spread like a wild fire. People aren't stupid. Everyone here knows who we are, and that we used to be a tight knit group.

Soon, Yahiko enters the room. We lock eyes, and he too, does the same, sitting right behind Sanosuke. It looks like they're mumbling to each other and would steal a secret glance behind me every chance they got. And with every look they gave me, I felt an invisible hit in my stomach. Megumi and Misao soon came together into homeroom, and I don't have the guts to look at any of them right now. I'm noticing that Kaoru is missing in action, though. Is she going to be absent today? As people start sitting down and the clock starts ticking to eight, the teacher and Soujiro came in nearly the same time. I lift my head up to look as he passes by the desks of our ex-friends, and their eyes follow him as he makes his way towards me. If looks could kill. He looks just as terrified as one would guess, but he keeps his cool, smiling at me as he sits in front of me. Thank fuck he's here.

Mrs Kita does her morning round up and soon it was over. Soujiro and I walk together, without holding hands or anything that would give us away, after everyone else left the room. For the rest of the day, Soujiro and I sat together, while any classes that we share with the other guys, we made sure to avoid them as much as possible. They too, would also evade us as much as they could. People soon started noticing this, and a couple of girls would stop us in the hallway to ask what was happening. Soujiro told them that it's just a little tiff, "But they'll get over it soon!". Meanwhile, I just stayed quiet, not wanting to rouse more suspicion with anybody. The school will soon figure shit out anyway, and we just have to brace for the impact.

Lunch period. Soujiro and I knew better than to try and sit with our ex-friends, so we went with his car to go to that nice sushi place the first time he took me out anywhere. The same place I yelled at him in, now the same place where I am silent and brooding. Soujiro would try to get me to talk or to get me laugh at something on his phone, to no avail. Soon, we just eat together in peace, probably still sick to our stomachs of what may come. We both return to the school building to prepare for gym class. But not without coming face to face with the one person I want nothing more than to wipe off from the face of the Earth: Shishio stands around in a hallway connected to the double doors that leads to the gymnasium, with his seedy friends all grinning and chuckling at us. Oh great fucking shit. Our friends.. our ex-friends.. they didn't.. tell them about Soujiro and I, did they?

No. They couldn't have. There's just no way.

Still, Soujiro and I bow our heads and just try to walk down the hall, trying to avoid their eyes.

That is, until we hear Shishio cackling: "There they go, those two lovers."

And my blood turns to ice. I stop walking and so did Soujiro. I look from the side of his face, and he looks just as fucking stunned as I am. So it is.. their fault. Was it Sano? Yahiko? But that's impossible. There's no way those two would just go and do that. They hate Shishio and his friends. Could it be the girls, then? Some sort of act of justice for Kaoru? It probably makes the most sense. And the most painful of all, too. Soujiro and I turn around to face the group as they laugh at our stupefied expressions.

"What did you just said?" I seethed, fists trembling at my sides.

"Aw, don't be mad at us, Shinta. I always knew there was something about you two that didn't seemed right. And I was correct." Shishio leans away from the lockers behind him and takes a step towards us, arms crossed over his chest and smirking like a creep, "You might want to check that anger, though. Domestic violence is a thing between gay men, or so I've heard."

"Ha ha! You said it, boss!" One of his lecherous friends chortles. Fucking idiots!

"You have no proof of what you're saying, so I kindly suggest shutting the fuck up," I take a few steps with warning towards Shishio, "Before I rip your lower jaw out!"

"No," Shishio shakes his head, "That won't do. We still have a match, but not here. Not today. I'll tell you exactly where to meet me for our fight, and you can bring your little boyfriend along, too."

I could ask him who the fuck told him about us, but that'll just give us away. I think he's fucking with us and wasn't told about what happened over the weekend; I think he's just playing some kind of homophobic joke just to piss us off. Maybe these two events aren't related, even if it does appear that way at first glance. I have to play this right. What would Soujiro do? He's good at getting his way out of these things with his good sense of charms. I look from over my shoulder at Soujiro, hoping to hell that he can read my mind somehow. He gapes at me, and then back at Shishio.

"I-I'm not his boyfriend." Soujiro tries to smile, but the corners were so twitchy that he just stops trying to, his eyes wide with terror, "He's just.. my friend."

Shishio just smiles at him knowingly. My stomach is in knots. Just who in the fuck told them this?! I start to feel light headed and just clutch my eyes, swallowing this lump in my throat. We really have to play this cool. One wrong word can get us beaten to a bloody pulp. Thank God I at least know how to scrap, but what about Soujiro? I highly doubt he's even taken a proper punch in the face before.

"You can stop fucking with us and leave us alone." I turn around and start walking away, "Come on, Soujiro."

"You know," Shishio starts again, "Nobody told us, so you can just calm down. We overheard it by those two chucklefucks you used to hang out with. Sanosuke Sagara, and that pinhead Yahiko Myojin. They should learn to text these things instead of saying it. Oh well. Guess they'll be happy to know that the entire school will learn about this soon. Hope your daddies have good lawyers when the media hears about this and goes after Soujiro here."

I whip around in an instant, "Name the place, time, and date, so I can fucking kill you."

He laughs, "My my! We can settle this at the junkyard in the center of our neighborhood. I know you go there to break things, y'know. Maybe I'll break your legs or your face so that you'll know what that's like. I'll see you there after school today, unless you two are going on a date later on."

His friends chuckle and my eye twitches. But I can certainly do today and get this over with as soon as possible. Shishio's a good fighter, and he's put through a few guys in the hospital before, so I know this is not going to be an easy one for me. But for Soujiro, I'll fucking do it with my eyes closed. Nobody gets away with hurting him like this. I look up ahead and nod, agreeing with the terms.

"After school, then. You better keep your promise, Himura." Shishio turns around and starts walking away, "Come on, boys."

They all disappear soon enough and Soujiro leans against the lockers, eyes to the floor. I place my hand on a locker door near his head, just looking at nothing in particular. Just thinking about how I'm going to pull this off. How _we're_ going to pull this off. This is going to be an ugly fight and I'll be sure to have a broken bone or tooth by the end of tonight. I'm not afraid of that. I don't like pain just like anyone else, but I don't fear it. I'm not afraid of fighting people if that's what it has to come down to. I'm mostly afraid of Soujiro's mental state. He's not exactly.. well.. Sane, to say the least, after everything he's been through. I want to be able to preserve the happiness he feels when I'm around him, and to make sure nobody lays a finger on him.

"Come on. We'll be late for gym." I point over my shoulder with my chin and smile, trying to diffuse this unsettling vibe between us.

He looks at me sadly, quiet at first, and then nods, "Okay."

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Gym class starts. Teacher wanted us to play volleyball and separated the class into two teams. With a dozen students at his disposal, that's six on each side of the net. Luckily, we were able to choose, so Soujiro and I stick together on one side, while Yahiko and Sanosuke play for the other team. This is going to be so fucking awkward. They keep looking at us but not saying anything, and we try to just keep it together on the outside. I hope they don't try and do something stupid. It'll only cause an even bigger drama on our hands than we can't handle. I don't want to call the attention of other people, after all.

The teacher blows his whistle. The game begins with the other students bouncing the ball back and forth over the net. So far, so good. Yahiko and Sanosuke seem to keep a relatively normal amount of distance from Soujiro and I on the opposite ends, though every so often, we can't help but face one another. I leap and bounce the ball over the net, waiting for someone else to get it. Suddenly, Sanosuke jumps up and smacks the ball furiously down over the net, the ball hitting near the side of my arm. I flinch back before I got properly hit, but it was a close call. The teacher blows his whistle angrily and stomps over towards us.

"Sagara, what was that?!" He barks, "Don't hit the ball so hard! You could hurt someone!"

Sanosuke just flicks his bangs from his forehead casually, walking away from the teacher and not bothering to answer him. I look after Sano, shocked. Did he really meant to hit me with that thing? What's with these guys today? I know that what I've done to Kaoru is basically unforgivable. But there's gotta be a better way to be mad at me than actually hurting me. Still, I try not to let that little moment get to me. Focus, Kenshin. Just get out of this class and that fight later on with Shishio in one piece, and we can make it out alive. All I have to do is do what I do best; let my hands do the talking.

The game restarts and everything goes well for several moments. Until the ball goes over the net and now, it's Yahiko who's jumping up and smacking the ball hard towards Soujiro, successfully hitting him right on his shoulder. He falls to the ground, and the other male students start to exclaim loudly what the fuck's happening. I glare at Yahiko and he does the same as Sano did before, scoffing and walking away from the situation. Without a care in the world. I can't believe this. I can't believe that these were my friends. How can they do this to us?

I get on my knees near Soujiro, "Are you hurt?"

Soujiro tries to sit up, struggling, "Yeah. But I think I'm okay."

The teacher is over where our ex-friends are now, screaming at them. They don't show an ounce of care in the world as they are being talked down by him. I grumble to myself. Fucking assholes. If that's how they want to play, fine. I'll show them. As everyone goes back to their original positions, the game once again restarts. All goes well for the first half, again. As the ball leaps over the net towards my team, I take it upon myself to jump and smack the ball, and it ricochets right into Sano's face. He hits the floor with a bang and everyone fucking gasped. It's silent for a moment and Sano sits up, the top half of his face covered with blood. I don't waste any time ducking under the net and rushing over to him to grab him by the collar, yelling expletives at him and wanting to punch him in the face.

The crowd clamors around us, urging us to fight, the masculine energy revitalizing. Now that's what I'm talking about. I'm taking action for what's long overdue; protecting Soujiro openly and publicly. No one will mess with us now. I take my fist back in order to punch him, when it's caught mid-air by the teacher. He hauls me out from Sano easily, since he used to be a weight lifting champion, and stares at me sternly in the face.

"You're out of line. Get yourself to the principal's office," He gets in my face and bellows, **"NOW!"**

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"What were you thinking?"

After getting sent out of the gym by the teacher, I am standing in the hallway, leaning against the lockers coolly. Just like Sano and Yahiko, I too, don't show an ounce of care over what's happened. I evade Soujiro's eyes as he stands in front of me, his face contorted to one of anger and disbelief over my actions. If anything, he should be happy I stood up for him. Why is he taking this badly? He should be pissed off that they were trying to injure him with the volleyball. He takes his hands off of his hips and crosses them over his chest, looking down and trying to think of what to say next. I close my eyes, grunting.

"I'm sorry." Is all I could muster, already peeved by this conversation.

"Sorry doesn't always get you out of things that you've caused on your own, Kenshin," Soujiro sighs, irritated, "Just go. We'll talk about this later."

I snap back at him, "They were going to fucking hit you, Soujiro! What was I supposed to do?! Stand there while they fucking cause you pain?!"

"Will you keep your voice down?!" Soujiro gets into my face, "I'm trying to keep all of this under wraps, but you're just making it worse with your anger issues!"

"What anger issues?!" I bark back into his face, making him flinch and take a step back, "Yeah, I'm fucking pissed at those ding-dongs! They were hurting the one person I fucking love more than anything in the world! Again, why are you so pissed off? You should be thanking me, since I once again saved your dumbass!"

He bares teeth and I can see his face flushing as the anger rises more in his eyes, "Just go. Don't do anything stupid while you're at the principal's."

He turns around to walk away but I grab his wrist, "Wait. Don't go, Soujiro. Don't walk away like that. At least.. Walk away, knowing I did it because I love you."

He stands there, his face turned away from me. I wait, not liking this breadth of silence. He turns around over his shoulder, and I was surprised to see his eyes filled with rage in them still, as if disgusted by my existence. I slowly let go of his wrist, dumbfounded.

"Love isn't like this. It's never violent. You have other ways to show me that you love me. This isn't it." And just like that, he walks away, a little faster than before so that I won't be able to catch him without looking like a desperate fool.

When I'm alone again, I just smack the lockers behind me, biting down a yell that desperately wants to spit from my mouth.

Fuck all of this!

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"Mr Himura. Come in."

I've been here before. Many times, in fact. I feel like I've been here a lot before Soujiro transferred here. But thanks to his help and us studying together, it's been a while since I step foot in this room. I sit myself down on the chair that faces the principal's desk, and he looks through his files of documents written about me; my attendance record, grades, test scores, and so on. God fucking dammit. I really hate this guy. He's so full of pompous shit. He's the man whose voice especially grates in Hiko's ears whenever I get suspended, or if I skipped classes, or was caught threatening another student. He's the guy you don't want living inside your head. He went to a really great school, but somehow ended up in this mid-tier school when better options are out there for him. So it's weird having him as your principal, because he just shoves it in your face on how much better he is than you are.

Hajime Saito.

Arrogant prick.

He finally stops looking at his documents and rests his chin on his hands, smirking. Gah, I fucking hate this dude! He always does this shit! I scoff quietly to myself, crossing my arms. If you're going to yell at me, or scold me, or give me more punishments, go right a-fucking-head. I don't care. Just do it now so that I can catch up with Soujiro. He's all I care about for today. Without me by his side, he's completely vulnerable to the cruelty of other students. I know how this school is. I know how the kids here are. They don't like gay boys like Soujiro and they're not ashamed to say so. Not like we're highly sophisticated, cultured, and educated bunch like Soujiro is. We openly look at each other, playing a game of who will crumble under this pressure.

Finally, he asks, "Do you want to be punished? After all the good things I've been starting to hear about you?"

I shrug, smirking, "Do whatever you want. I know this sort of thing gets you off, and who am I to ruin the fun?"

He doesn't stir, not wanting to play my games, "Hilarious as always, I see."

"Part of my charms."

"Indeed. So would you mind telling me about your latest scrap with your friends?"

My smile quivers, but I bite it down, "They're not my friends. Not anymore."

His eyebrows lift up curiously, "Really? Why is that?"

"Not telling. There's no point."

"Of course there is. I'm here to listen to you. I was hired to help you."

I laugh, "Ha! Right."

He is quiet for a moment, ".. You don't believe me?"

"No offense, but I hardly trust any adults older than me. You're all corrupted. And liars. Every single last one of you."

"Well," He sits up straight in his nice chair, "I'm hurt. I didn't think I would be seen that way by you. Despite your juvenile delinquency and hard headed methods.. I've come to respect you and your father a lot. I know all about you, remember? Hiko and I have met many times since you started high school. We're not strangers to each other, are we?"

"I wish we were.." I mutter, my eyes floating downwards, ".. I wish.. I wish for a lot of things, actually."

"Such as?"

"Well. I want to get out of here. This room, I mean. So if you don't want to punish me, I'll be on my way," I try to stand up, but he shows me his hand, telling me to stop what I'm doing immediately, "What now?"

"Not so fast. We have to talk. About your personal relationship with Soujiro Seta."

I gape at him. Shit. He's not going to tell Soujiro's dad about us, will he? If that happens, I can kiss Soujiro goodbye forever. He'll definitely pack up and take his son somewhere as far from here as possible, probably even make damn sure I don't have any ways to contact him or to find him again. He'll make sure of that. I pause, taking the time to think of what to say. I could lie and say that he and I are just friends. But Saito's isn't stupid. Another big thing I hate about him. You just can't falsify information around him because he knows how to get into your skull with the confidence of a carefree sniper; a bullet, or a single question, can make your brain explode and out gushes the answer he's looking for. I sit back down.

"I'm his friend. That's pretty much it."

"That's good. Your teachers have told me that you and him have been spending a lot of time together, studying. Your grades clearly reflect these positive changes. He must be a good study partner to you."

I shrug. I don't want to give too much away.

"I've also noticed that you two spend time together even outside of academic activities. Eating lunch together. Going into his car in the parking lot after school. Sitting close together in every classes that you two share.. which, is all of them."

I chuckle, "So? People can be best friends."

"Indeed. But something didn't looked right in my observations, or what the faculty have told me."

"Like what?" I challenge.

"The winter dance. You went with Kaoru Kamiya, correct?"

I gulp, easing myself, "Yeah.."

"And it was observed that you two then went on to having a relationship with each other, correct?"

"What's it to you? It's none of your business what I do with people outside of this school."

"You're right. It isn't. Unless.. Her parents made it my business."

I look at him, flaring up, _"What?"_

"It seemed sudden, but when I came into my office this morning, I received a call that Kaoru could not make it to the school. They said she feels deathly afraid of two students who had hurt her. Not physically so, but in their terms, 'a psychological assault on her psyche'. I pressed for names, and yours came up along with Soujiro's. They said that Kaoru refused to explain, but that she had recently broken up with you. The last thing I need are major disruptions in this school when a peculiar student like Soujiro Seta, the son of the CEO of the Seta Enterprise, can run this place to the ground. Do I make myself clear to you?"

I am silent, petrified. Still, I coolly respond, "Yes. But like I said. We're just friends. She was just jealous of our close bond together. That's why she left me."

He looks at me with a face as cold and hard as stone. He knows I'm not going to crack for fuck all. I'm stubborn like that. Is he going to let me go, now? Or do I have to stay here until the end of the day since I'm not going to tell him shit? I don't care if he gives me detention or suspend me from school grounds. I'd welcome the change. I need my sleep, anyway. Finally, he leans back in his leather bound chair, smiling insidiously.

"Himura. You are aware that the school has security cameras, right?"

...

 _Fuck._

I narrow my eyes, "Yeah. What about them?"

"Well," He shrugs politely, "I've received two notes from the CCTV crew. One was the guy who watched the tapes all day. The other came from your Philosophy teacher, Mrs Motoko. Do you want to hear about the reports?"

Play it cool, Kenshin. Maybe there's really nothing on the tapes. I never kissed Soujiro in the hallways, or held his hand openly in front of other people, or anything like that. As far as the entire school knows before today, we were just two friends, and nothing more. I brace myself, my hands curling over the fabric of my jeans.

"Okay."

"The first note was on the day you and Soujiro took gym class together. You both went inside the PE shed. You two took a while in there and then came out. CCTV were concerned the two of you took drugs, but since there's no camera in the shed, we couldn't prove any crime, and so I just kept it on file. The second note, from your teacher, who the CCTV crew reviewed, said she saw you being hauled into an empty classroom by someone. She was shocked when she saw what was happening from around the corner of the hallway, but since she was stopped by a confused student trying to find his next class, there was nothing none of us could do."

I sigh, "Wow. So all this and no hard definite proof. Amazing."

"That's not all. On the day that Mrs Motoko saw you being pulled into the empty classroom, we received a message from Soujiro's father that he would be absent that day. Yet he turned up in school anyway. The teachers were confused, but thought there might've been a mix up. Again, the tapes showed that whatever it was you two were doing in there, you took a while in doing so. You're lucky we don't use cameras in the classrooms themselves."

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

"I.." My eyes waver, feeling nervous, "I.. We.. Have had a lot of arguments before. Sir. Soujiro and I.. We'd get into fights and then we'd talk things out. He's really.. Emotional, that guy. So I have to stick around and talk through things with him, until he calms down. That's why we take forever in that shed, and in that classroom. It's nothing weird.. we're not.. together.. in that way.."

Will he believe me?

Is he going to tell Soujiro's dad, anyway?

But of course not. He can't do that. Because he knows that this school will be sued until they all lose their jobs. There's just no way. He can't be that stupid after all, can he?

He watches me carefully and then sighs, "Guess I don't have anything, and neither do you. I will warn you this, though. There better not be anything going on between the two of you. The entire school is at stake because of the suspicion we have of the two of you. Soujiro's father.. Let's just say, he does not want his boy to be dating anyone. Certainly not to someone like you."

"Excuse m.." I shake my head in disbelief of what I'm hearing.

 _"Watch it."_ He warns, and points to the door, "There's your freedom. Don't let me catch you in here again. Understand?"

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I understand.

Asshole.

 _(To be continued)_


	26. Trouble

_Author's note: Hey everyone, how's it going? :) I have to say, the reviews I'm getting are just so nice and sweet to read and I am still thankful for all of your patience with me. This semester isn't too hard for me thankfully, and I love all of my professors so far! It's not going to be like my previous semester, thank the gods. I do also work part time, so it does get in the way of my writing at times, but again.. Thank you all for your patience. I don't deserve it, but thank you anyway!_

 _This chapter is basically the start of why I labeled my fanfic as a "Dark Fic", in that from here on out, things are going to take on a very serious turn. **Rated M plus for disturbing content.** If you all remember the first chapter, I had warned you that this fanfic is specifically about someone's trauma, and this is just one of MANY that they have suffered. If it is too much for you to read, absolutely turn off and wait until I write the other fanfics instead. I won't be mad and completely get it. Things like this are not pretty for the eyes, even if it is all fictional._

 _Regardless, enjoy, and have a great weekend! Will update again on Thursday, September 26, because I'll be doing a trip with friends over that weekend!  
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 _"_ _Oh no, I see  
_ _A spider web is tangled up with me  
_ _And I lost my head  
_ _And thought of all the stupid things I'd said."_

 _\- Coldplay_

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I only loved one boy in my entire life.

I'm not going to lie. Kenshin is not my first. He is not my first date, not my first boyfriend, and not my first time for sex, either. My virginity was taken away by someone who I thought I could trust. After that happened, I just tried to find it in all the wrong places. I never found it; Not in the first girlfriend I had who did not lasted long, and not in any of the boys that I have secretly dated prior to Kenshin. I tried to find it in my sexual partners, in boys of all different ages. Some were younger than me, while others were a few years older than me. I had a lot of fun back then before I met Kenshin, but.. I just never felt real love towards them, or them loving me back. At best, I was content in getting what I want from them, and they were happy getting what they wanted from me.

There was, of course, one other boy, who I can count as close to love.

His name was Okita Souji.

He was someone I met during my formative years of attending a school in Germany. Though I have made friends of Germanic descent, it does sometimes make me feel lonely being the only Japanese boy in the entire school. When Okita transferred in the middle of the school year, I felt reassured in getting to meet another one of my kind. I was fifteen years old, and he was sixteen. People would often make fun of us and say we look almost alike, and would ask us constantly if we were related. He was good in his German, and would sometimes help me translate some of the things I would get stuck on. In return, I'd help him out with the social science assignments where I naturally excelled at. He was more into mathematics and science, and wanted to one day become an engineer. He liked to poke fun of my naturally sensitive side and how I want to one day make a difference in society through the practicing of criminal justice law.

I didn't really wanted to be the head of my father's company. But what other choice do I have?

Still, despite these differences, we were joined by the hips in a matter of days of getting to know each other. We would spend many days together during and after school hours. As the weeks went by, the sleepovers would become more and more frequent. It was only natural, then, that my father and his father got to know each other. They were both business men with similar ideas, so they hit it off the bat. I was so happy to have a close friend in a country that feels so different from what I am used to. I would miss my home in Japan, daydreaming about the day of when I will return to it. But with Okita by my side, the homesickness would subside, and I'd be thinking about what the next fun thing we would be doing instead. We even spent the holidays together. Our families joined together, throwing fancy Christmas parties and celebrating the New Years. To everyone else, we were the golden boys, with very bright futures ahead of them. Our parents could not have been more proud.

I cherish what we had together. He was my best friend. My confidant. My trusted diary when I wasn't allowed to hide things from my father. He was my sounding board when I didn't know how to stand up for myself properly to strange boys who hung around the street corners. He was my protector and my guidance in my times of need. Despite being only sixteen, he had a mind of a sage. I was convinced that he was living in a body that reincarnated from a wise samurai warrior of a distant past, now coming back to spread more of his knowledge to those who are only living their very first lives here on Earth. He never judged me for anything, even when he should have. He never criticized my not having a mother like he does, or that I was strange around girls for some reason. He couldn't care less, and he stuck by me no matter what. He told me he would never abandon me, that I always have him to go to, no matter how hard things get. He gets me. He understood me.

So, it should come as no surprise to anyone, that I slowly found myself falling for him.

It didn't happened so suddenly at first. Like time sand, it went by slowly. So slow that I hardly noticed it, until it was too late. I can only recall the first time I experienced my first flutter in my chest around Okita. It was when he once again 'saved' me by some students who were trying to bully me, for reasons I can no longer recall. It was something so insignificant, so stupid, but.. In the midst of not seeing my father for several weeks now due to his business travels and doing God knows what, I guess it took a toll on me. I was an absolute mess when the kids in my class tried to hurt me, calling me names and insinuating that I was gay. I knew what that word meant, but I refused to believe that it could be me. I wasn't gay. Of course I wasn't! Gay boys were bad boys. They were ruined boys. Non-salvageable creatures. That's what my dad always said, and I internalized it.

"You shut your mouth! You don't know Soujiro like I do!" Okita places his hand over his chest for emphasis, "He is not like that! He likes girls! I know this because that's all he ever talks about with me!"

A small group are clamoring all around us. We're outside in the courtyard of the school, after classes were let out for the day. I was eating a snack, one of a ripe peach and a bottle of water, while I was waiting for Okita to catch up with me. While waiting, this group of boys who were from our classes came to me, smacked my belongings out of my hands, and laughed as I crouched on my knees to try to pick them up. The ring leader kicked my peach far away from me, and the other one got my bottle of water to drench my entire head with it. This always happens. Some days they'd tell me I have to bring them lunch money, or risk getting beaten up by them. Other times, they'd tell me I'd have to do weird or embarrassing things, like come to school without boxers on under my pants. They'd even check to see by grabbing the hem of my pants to make sure I wasn't wearing any underwear, laughing at my reddened face.

And all the while, they'd always chant the same thing: _Gay, gay, gay!_

Everyday is always a nightmare for me because of this. I always wanted to cry afterwards because of the abuse.

But not today.

Today, Okita found us and has had enough of this. While I stand behind him, he stood up for me to fight for my honor. Just like he always did. The boys would start insinuating that we were dating or kissing each other behind closed doors, riling my friend up even more. It made me wonder if he doesn't like thinking of things like that. I'd often daydream about boys in general.. but Okita is actually popular with the ladies. He had recently broken up with one female student just a couple of weeks ago, and though he was initially crushed, he made sure I felt comfortable during our times of socializing together. Okita never thinks about himself over everybody else.. He was the one who taught me how to be selfless and to help people less fortunate than I am.

"Let's go, Soujiro. I don't have time for these chucklefucks." Okita grabbed my arm and we left, trying to ignore them ooohing and making kissy sounds in between laughter. We knew that it won't be the last time he'd have to stand up for me. This is old news for the both of us by now. Truth be told, we're not sure why they thought I was gay. Of course I've had my experiences with the same sex already at my young age, but I thought it was something that all boys went through before becoming a man. Nobody knew of my experiences except myself. Even Okita is not aware of this. I thought I would find a girlfriend soon, and just.. get over it. I didn't want to believe that being gay was a permanent state of being. I didn't wanted to be gay for life. I didn't. Of course I don't.

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So then, why is my heart beating as I watch Okita buy me new snacks at the nearby convenience store? Why does my mouth suddenly go dry as he accidentally brushes arms by me as we walk back home together? Why do I feel electricity running through my veins as we sit together on a metro bus ride back to our neighborhood? Why is my mind suddenly thinking up of all the ways we could kiss, to hold each other, and make love to each other? Is it normal to think about your best friend like this? Isn't that immoral? And why.. why are my cheeks feeling warm when he is done tying my shoes for me, and looks up at me with a beautiful smile to say, "Don't worry about them. I'll always be your friend, Soujiro."

...

 _Why?_

I gulp, nodding, "O-okay."

He smiles wider, chuckling under his breath. And then he went on home, leaving me standing all alone in front of my house. Later that night, I thought about him, and.. I relieved myself, just by those mental images alone. I realized, while washing off the parts of my pants, to my mortifying realization, that I am starting to really like him. More than what it is normal between two young boys. I knew I had no one to confide to. If I tell father, he'd have us move again, just like last time. I knew I had to keep this a secret. No matter what, I have to make sure to keep this under wraps. I cried on my bed that same night, scared shitless of what may be. I would never do anything to ruin the friendship between Okita and I, despite my newfound attraction towards him. It just wouldn't be worth losing him over such silly feelings.

So, I stuffed all of it down. I played pretend when I was with him. I pretended that a lot of things about him were true, even if they were mean spirited. Pretend Okita is too ugly to look at. Pretend Okita is too stupid to take seriously. Pretend Okita is too annoying for me to have such a huge crush on him. And after a while, it seemed to have worked. We were able to continue on being friends, hanging out and doing normal things together without skipping a beat. Though the bullying at school continues, as long as I had him, I knew everything was going to be okay. As long as I don't fantasize him in my mind too much. As long as I try not to blush whenever he looked so cute in his uniform. As long as I kept pretending that he wasn't all that, everything will be okay..

"Hey, Soujiro. Do you have a minute?"

We were hanging out in his room one day on a bright, crisp Friday. We've now known each other for close to a year, or maybe it was longer than that. We spent the summer away from each other and have reunited recently, and with the new school year approaching, the weather had dropped sharply. Now at age seventeen, his body seems a little more buff than I remembered. Which really doesn't help the tingles I feel in my spine every time I take a gander over his body. Despite that, however, I've done well with playing pretend. Pretend Okita is too ugly to look at. Pretend Okita is too stupid to take seriously. Pretend Okita is too annoying for me to have such a huge crush on him.

"Yeah? What's up?" I chirp, happy as always.

But, his stone expression makes my smile falter, and he finally asks, "Are you mad at me or something? You seem distant. You weren't like this last semester. Did I do something wrong?"

"H-huh?" I blink rapidly, and just as quickly, laugh at his face, "No way! Why would I be mad? You didn't do anything wrong!"

His demeanor still doesn't change, and he stands up from where he was sitting, his voice now taking on a louder note, "Don't play these games, Soujiro! You know I don't like it when people lie to my face like that! Don't you remember when my dad would lie to me about where he's been, or why he doesn't come home some nights? Do you really believe his stupid stories? Or are you too afraid to admit that he's been cheating on my mom?"

I gape at him, not knowing what to say. What is going on with him today?

He grunts, careful of what to say next, but like a slipped cup, all of the contents start to spill out, "I'm just scared that you don't like me anymore, okay?! You just don't seem the same ever since I rescued you from those idiots at the courtyard! I know this because ever since then.. You don't look at me in the eyes when I talk to you, you sometimes evade my calls, and I don't know where you are whenever I needed you! Do you know how hard it was to get a hold of you online this entire summer? Why'd you even come over here if you're going to act like this?!"

I grit my teeth, now standing up from where I was sitting too, "I don't understand you. Why are you yelling at me? What have I done?! If you have something to say, just spill it!"

Now he's the one gaping at me in shock, "I.. I don't understand. You mean.. You mean you can't tell that you've been distant towards me ever since that day I stood up for you? Do you think.. I'm lying to you?"

I roll my eyes, "Whatever. This has been the worst idea, reuniting with you when you're going to act like that. I'm leaving. Have a good weekend..!"

He yanks my forearms so that I won't leave, and he starts to crumble in front of me, "Soujiro, please, just talk to me! We've been such great friends all this time, and now you're just going to up and leave me like this?! I don't understand what's going on, either! Don't you think that's why I'm asking _you?_ You just haven't been the same with me since that day.. I thought you were going through something hard.. With your father, maybe, I don't know! But you have to talk to me, Soujiro! I've.. I've missed you so much, since we couldn't hang out during the summer because of the distance.. To see you again, today, after all this time.."

His hold on my arms soften, and he continues as he looks somberly to the floor, "Seeing you again makes me so happy, it makes me want to die. Isn't that.. Just weird?"

Silence. I look at this boy in front of me, the boy who I no doubt am starting to really fall for. Am I in love with him? Is this what love feels like? Is that why I've been avoiding him or acting.. well, distant from him? I guess I was being cold towards him without my knowledge. I thought I was only playing pretend. But as it turns out, I played the game a little too well. Now I have my best friend standing here, in front of me, completely hurt and confused as to why I've been behaving this way. I keep looking at him, and he keeps his eyes down. My heart is killing me. Should I.. Should I tell him, then? About the dreams I've been having about him? About the times I want to rip my eyeballs out so that I can stop looking at his face? That maybe I really am gay after all?

I feel dizzy. I'm so scared. But just like that, just like another cup tips over to spill the contents, so did my lips at the next beat, "I like you.. Okita Souji."

He doesn't move or say anything at first. I wondered if he had heard me correctly, or that he couldn't believe his ears. Finally, he looks up at me, bewildered, "Soujiro..?"

I lift my fingers up to rest them on his hands that are still on my arms, and I repeat myself again, "I like you, Okita. A lot. That's why.. That's why I've been distant with you. I didn't wanted this to be true. I didn't wanted you to feel like you had to spend time with someone.. someone like me. Someone who doesn't really like girls like you do, Okita. But.. There it is. Truth is, I like you. I like you a lot. More than I should."

We were quiet again. Looking at each other. Did time slip away from us? I forgot what happened in between here.. I guess I was out of it when it happened. But before I knew it, Okita's hands leave my arms, and one of them lands on my face. No, not a slap across my face. As in, he gently cups my chin with his hand, observing me carefully.

"Say that again." His smile looks too inciting to say no to.

So, I did.

"I like you, Okita. More than I should."

You can probably guess what happened next. When I left to go home, I was smiling from ear to ear. Okita kissed me. I kissed him back. We made out. We fell on his bed. We did it, together, happily. It was something I could never have guessed would happen many moons ago. But it did. It happened, and it was real. And I'm so happy too, on top of that. I can't recall the last time I felt this giddy over anything. I never thought Okita would return the sentiment. I thought he was straight. I guess looks aren't always everything, huh?

Oh well. I'm happy. More than I should be!

Things were good between us again. Actually, things became more better between us than before! Not only did I regained my friendship back with him, but.. He would invite me into his bedroom so that we can make love in it. I never try to do that in my room, especially now that father is around more often and can catch me red handed. But Okita's parents are always so busy and away from the house, so we would have the time and space to enact these pleasurable acts together. He'd whisper to me just how good I was in bed, and it'd inspire me to go further and further with him. Letting him do things to me that I have never done before. I don't like to talk about it, even now after the years have come to pass. But in those moments with him, I thought I was doing something normal.

He one day brought something in his room one day after school. Once again, his parents were gone. It was just me and him in that giant mansion. A mansion full of secrets, betrayals, and affairs. Okita just found out that his mother is now cheating on his father, I guess as an act of retaliation against the old man's unfaithfulness. It really hurt Okita, and he's been moody and quiet the entire day at school. I never saw him quite like that before. Okita was always so full of zest for life.. You could always count on him to brighten up anyone's day. So, when I caught him staring at nothing in particular during classes, I was worried about him. He cornered me during lunch period, in the hallways, and asked.. no.. _demanded,_ that I come over to his place after school. I was taken back by his aggressiveness, but quickly agreed to it, since I felt concerned over him. I don't want to leave him alone while he felt so vulnerable.

"My parents.. are fighting." Was all he said with his eyes hidden by his bangs, staring at the floor after he asked me to come to his place.

I knew I couldn't say no to him. Not when he looks so beaten down and crestfallen like this. So, I went to his place after school, just like he asked. When we were in his bedroom, I couldn't get a word in to ask him what was going on, because he had already pinned my wrists against the door behind me, shoving his tongue down my throat. I tried to break away to try to ask him what happened with his parents, or to tell him to stop doing this, but he'd just quickly lock lips with me and kept kissing me. Soon, I grew tired of fighting back and just let him make out with me. The clothes peeled off from our bodies.. thanks to his hurried hands that damn near ripped the fabrics of my clothing apart.. and soon he threw me on his bed, going into his closet to get something. I blink, lying on my elbows and totally confused.

He turns around. In his hand, is a camcorder. A shot of nausea spreads in my insides. I suddenly remembered why I don't like cameras. I grab his blankets and covered my body with it, as if out of instinct, and he tilts his head at me.

"What's wrong?" He turns on the camcorder and points it at my direction, recording me looking at the lenses of terror, "I want to try something new today."

I shake my head, "Okita.. P-please.. Not.. I don't.. anymore.."

He frowns, "What? If you want to say something, just spit it out! God, you're so annoying."

The nausea in me turns my blood as cold as ice. He continues on berating me, his eyes now a shade angrier than before.

"You think it's easy being your friend? Having to look after you and making sure the other kids don't pick on you? You go around asking for trouble and practically beg for people to tease you. And then when _I_ come in to save the day, _this_ is how you thank me?"

My lips quiver, ".. I don't.."

He smirks, shaking his head, "You don't what? You don't understand? Is that what you're trying to say? _Puh-lease._ You thought you could just ignore me all summer and that things would get back to normal? I thought about you that entire time, Soujiro. Were you doing something behind my back this entire time? Is that why you're acting like such a cunt these days?"

Tears blur my vision. My heart is wrapped in barbs.

He scoffs softly, "I have to be honest with you.. Maybe there is a reason why people bullied you for being gay. It's because of the way you act. You think you're just being nice, but I know a slut when I see one. Always giving boys that look with your eyes, that smile that says-"

His voice goes several pitches higher, to mock me with an impersonation, _"-Ohh, please fuck me! Fuck me just like everyone has!"_

Who is this monster? Where is my friend? Where is the Okita Souji I know? He is not in this room, and he is not that boy, pointing the camera at me. I don't understand what's going on. Is he really that hurt that I've decided to place some emotional distance between him and I? Why can't he get over that? I'm with him now! Aren't we boyfriends and in a relationship, now? Isn't he mines and aren't I his? Why is he acting so resentful over past misdeeds? I finally gather enough anger to ask him in a highly emotional voice, _"Why are you being like this?!"_

"Because I don't let go of things easily. I know I'm not your first, Soujiro. You're too good at what you do to me in bed for you to be a virgin. I should know. I've bedded a couple of virgins before. They're always so shy.. and sweet.. if not clumsy. But not you, Soujiro. You know how to work that mouth of yours. And your hands. Those hands that have probably been on God knows how many cocks by now. And at your age, too! That's a sad thing.. You're so damaged, I don't think your dad will get his wish in the end: Seeing his only son, marrying off to a woman, and raising his grandchildren. What a waste."

He walks towards the bed now, his knees now on the bed to get on top of it and inches closer towards me as I try to scoot away from him, "Now, now. Don't be shy now. We all know what a real whore you really are. Maybe.. Maybe if you want those boys to stop teasing you, you should let them finish on your face. I bet you'd like that. I bet that's why you get their attention. You probably flirt with them and don't even know it. You brought this onto yourself. This is your fault. All of it. We can't help it if we want to fuck sluts like you who pretend they don't know what they want. But it's okay.. I'll give you exactly what you want."

I think you know exactly what happened next. I still remember the taste of salt water in my mouth, and the weird metallic notes mixed into it, as he have sex with me against my will. All as the camera rolls on silently on his night stand to record everything. It's hard to believe, and I absolutely do not fault anyone who won't believe me or this story. But it happened. It happened, and it changed me completely. After what happened, I came home and my father noticed how eerily silent and dissociative I seemed to him. He kept asking me again and again what's wrong, and when I couldn't tell him, he took me to the emergency room in a private hospital. He's convinced I was having a dangerous illness that made me unable to speak..

Sometimes, it still feels like that.

When the doctors told him I had internal damage inside of me, and where it was located, and that I needed stitches down there.. Well, let's just say, he changed my entire life seemingly overnight. By the time Monday came and I was supposed to be at school, and see Okita again.. My father and I found ourselves in a private jet plane ride to fly out of the country on first notice, and start our lives over elsewhere. Supposedly Okita's parents found the camera, and the footage, and made a deal with my father that they will destroy the tape and pretend that nothing had happened. My father agreed. No words from Okita, or his legal representatives, were said to me. It was like he died after I left his house that night, never to return again. Sometimes the trauma gets so bad inside my head, I can't remember the exact dates, or what happened in between that night and nowadays. I forgot where we landed, or which school I went to, or how to be normal like everybody else. It was like I was living in a fog world for an entire year after that ordeal. Thanks to my father's wealth and reputation, the new school I went to made sure I had the best education and support, to help me move on from what happened to me.

I think it's a miracle I could still love somebody else, when I placed so much trust in Okita.

Sometimes I wonder where he is, and how he's doing. And sometimes, I wish he would die a most violent death.

I still taste the salt water in my mouth sometimes.

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It's after school when Kenshin texted me that he'll be fighting Shishio at the junkyard near his neighborhood, and for me to just go home to protect myself. I hesitated, reading his text and re-reading it again, as if hoping the words on my screen will change, to no avail. But, as much as I wanted to be there for him and make sure he doesn't get himself killed, I texted him back and agreed with him. And to be careful. And try not to die today. And that I love him. So much. He hasn't responded, but I think he got it and just didn't want me to worry anymore. I hope he is fine out there without me. As much as it pains me to say this, what he did today really upset me. I don't want him to think he has to be this violent monster just to protect me from other people. I can handle myself just fine. I want him to grow and be better than the thuggish stereotypes that other people like to think of him as. I know he can be better. I know he can do better!

Oh, Kenshin.

Where did we go wrong?

 _(to be continued)_


	27. Wild Horses

_Author's note:_ _Merry Christmas, everyone! I missed all of you! And once again for the millionth time, I am so sorry for being so busy and depressed to properly update this story. But here it is, another big ass update for your viewing pleasure. I hope 2019 has treated you all kindly and that 2020 will bring even more happiness. Next update will be scheduled for Friday on January 3rd, so keep your eye out on that!_

 _Thank you for your patience and devotion. You guys are more important and way more amazing than you realize. Love you guys! Enjoy! A bit of warning that there will be much fluff in this chapter, heh heh!_

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 _"I know I've dreamt you  
A sin and a lie  
And I have my freedom  
But I don't have much time_."

 _\- Charlotte Martin_

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 _ **[3:26 PM]**_

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 _"Yo, is this really happening?!"_

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 _"Fuck him up, Shishio!"_

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 _"Haha, Asuka, I'm totally downloading this on YouTube!"_

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 _"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!"_

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Imbeciles!

We're all at the junkyard now, straight after school has finished for the day. I told Soujiro to just go on home and to protect himself. I don't need him here. Not when it's so dangerous and where anything can happen to him. I'm here to defend our rightful reputations from the likes of Makoto Shishio and his crew. His crew are all standing back and chuckling at the scene in front of them; Just Shishio and I standing nearly face to face, staring down at one another, our coats off to better maneuver ourselves for the impeding battle. Like I've said many times before, I've been in plenty of other fights back then. I'm not afraid of this. I know how to throw a good punch, and I know how to defend myself from another person's strikes. I know how to evade other people's punches, and I know how to take care of my own wounds long after the fights are over. What you saw back there with Shishio and his lap dogs when I had to save Soujiro from them, was just the tip of the iceberg. I know I can do it again, and better this time. Shishio is going to be my most prominent opponent.

The crowd are going crazy now, taking pictures and chatting among themselves, placing bets as to who would win today. Like I said, they're nothing but a bunch of fucking imbeciles. Many people really believe that Shishio will kill me today, but I am seeing lots of fans on my side, thankfully. My name keeps being shouted in between conversations, that I am a real bad ass for taking Shishio on, and that I do have what it takes to finish him. I smirk to myself. Feels good to be appreciated, I guess.

Soujiro..

I hope you're home. I hope your father isn't there to try anything to hurt you. Whatever you do.. Please don't come here. Not for anything. Just.. Goddammit, Soujiro. You _better_ not come here. Not for anything in the world. The last thing I need is for you to come here and see my face busted open for you again. I'm pretty nervous of how much worse my nose is going to end up after this fucking fight with Shishio. Especially after getting plummeted by Sanosuke last night. To which, of course, I don't see a sight of him anywhere right now. Well, good. Probably for the best. Even if he does hear from this on social media or through word of mouth about the fight, I highly doubt he and the others will come to rescue me. No. I did this. I deserve all of this. I've started all of this shit by myself, and I'm going to finish it by myself like a real man. It's what Soujiro deserves, after all. All his life, he needed a hero to come save him in times of need. And I'm going to be his hero. Over, and over, and over, and over again.

I lift my fists up, readying myself.

Shishio chuckles, completely top naked despite the weather, "Himura! You are sure you want to do this? With your nose looking like that?"

I hack and spit to my side, glowering, "Cut the shit and put em up. I'm going to fuck you up, once and for all."

The crowd continues to clamor all around us. Many have their phones out to record the fight, or to take photographic evidence, so that they can talk about it for the rest of the fucking semester. Or for years after. Whatever. It doesn't matter. What matters is now. What matters is getting out of this alive and in one piece, so I can return to Soujiro's side. Though he may be home right now, I can't trust that someone won't try to break in to try to hurt him, if the rumors about us starts to circulate quickly today. I have to be there to protect him and keep him safe. As the energy rises up to the brim, Shishio readies himself with his battle stance, the crowd going wild with excitement.

Here goes nothing.

I grit my teeth.

For you, Soujiro.

I take my first swing, and the crowd starts screaming.

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I am here in my bedroom now. Exactly what Kenshin instructed me to do. I know better than to go to the junkyard and show up while those two are beating the shit out of each other. I wince, hugging my body frame at that thought. I really hope Kenshin is okay. Lying on my back on the mattress, I stare up at the ceilings above me, just thinking. About a lot of things, really. Was I too hard on Kenshin today? Was I in the right, and was he in the wrong? I mean.. I don't really like violence at all, truth be told. Maybe it was the way I was brought up or something. So, of course seeing him getting riled up like that just triggers something in me. It's all very unpleasant, and just something I want to avoid as much as I possibly can. But I understand, in a way. Kenshin is not from where I'm from. He was not raised the way I was. I was born privileged, a life where I am taught how to behave civilly, even in the face of conflict. Not him, though. How he was born and raised, he was taught that the world was out for blood, and will leave no victims unscathed. The streets molded him to become the young man he is..

The young man that I am terribly, totally, madly in love with.

And this is where I am. On my bed. Letting him get his ass handed back to him for my honor. For our relationship, and for our love. I feel nausea spreading in my body, afraid of just what could be happening right now at this moment. He already suffered from a broken nose thanks to Sanosuke; I'd hate to know what he'd look like after Shishio smashes the nose cast off from his face. From my lover's face. I exhale sharply and try to blink the hot tears away from my eyes.

Kenshin..

All of a sudden, a million frames of memories come blowing across my mind behind closed eyes. The first time I saw him in homeroom as I was being introduced by our teacher. The first time we exchanged words to each other, face to face. The first time I walked next to him in the hallways, and how he smelled like cheap cigarettes. How mean he used to be towards me, back when he refused to trust me. Paying for his father's tab at that local convenience store that night when I found Kenshin freaking out over it. Our intimate talks on the bridge overlooking the city river that same night. His hand touching me as I walk on the ledge of that bride. Seeing him again at my house party, and going down on him for the first time. How he tasted inside of my mouth, and how good it felt to kiss him at long last. How amazing he felt inside of me the first time we had sex. Kenshin.

Kenshin..

It's me. It's all my fault. This is all my doing. For falling in love. For following a boy that I know next to nothing about, just because I fell in love with his online profile. Over his photos, and how he really is in real life. I fell in love with his eyes, and his hair, and his voice. My God, _especially_ that voice, when it breathes and sighs near my ear every time he had sex with me. A shiver runs up my spine, remembering all of our previous love making. He was so good to me.. He _is_ very good to me. He's been a wonderful boyfriend to me, doing everything he can to protect me and to defend me. Just like Okita used to do. Only this time.. Kenshin actually loves me and wants me to be happy in this world. Unlike Okita, who just wanted to use me for depraved sex acts. Kenshin's reputation among his loved ones really is well deserved. He's the guy who would put his life and safety on the line for you. He's the guy who will be there for you until the very bitter end.

He's irreplaceable.

And he's out there, right now, getting hurt.

Because of me.

I turn on my mobile phone to re-read his text message he sent to me today after school let out: _Soujiro. Baby. Listen. No matter what you do.. Don't follow me after school. I have to take care of Shishio. He can't get away with this. Don't wait up for me either. Just go home and protect yourself. And whatever you do, babe... Just stay there and don't come looking for me. I don't want you to see me in such a mess. I love you. I'll call you when it's over._

And again, I reread it over and over again. Hoping. Waiting. Wishing for the words on my screen to change. For everything to change, really. For the bad things that never should have happened. For the good things that I wish were true. All I wanted to do when I came here to Kyoto, was to be with Kenshin. I let so much of my own self hatred get in the way of being completely his, at first, for thinking that it couldn't possibly last between us. I hated who I am deep down, and for not being able to love a woman like an average man could easily do. I hated that I can only love other men like me. I hated it. I wanted to be like everybody else, so that I could fit in, and so that my father could finally actually love me.

I thought Kenshin would have given up on me.

But thankfully.. Thank the Gods above us.. Kenshin is the type to never give up, even in the face of adversity. He fights for everything he believes in, tooth and nail, for truth and for justice to prevail. He's just that type of guy. He's the kind of guy I ought to hate, and stay away from. Because in my world, I lived in nothing but in ribbons wrapped all over my body, to hide and conceal who I am deep down; to constrict the real me that would otherwise horrify and disgust other people. I thought I'd be safe in these dressings, encompassing all of my body and over my limbs, but.. In the end, I found myself becoming mummified as time went on. More dead than alive.

But Kenshin freed me. He freed me from these dressings and from this prison. He's freed me! And he's out there right now, fighting. Fighting for me. For people like me. For people like him. For the men out there who love other men, and the women out there who love other women, too. For everyone who is different and not cut out for the mainstream mold that we were all taught from birth to be, for our own good. For what we have.

For our love.

For _us._

...

That does it!

I'm going to go see him! I have to! I nearly hop out of my bed and put on my jacket, nearly ripping my doors from their hinges as I run out of that mansion like a bat flying out of hell. I know he wouldn't want me doing this for him. He would want me to be home safe and sound, away from the terrible world he lived in for his entire life. A life full of nothing but pain, and loss, and barely scraping by. My car zooms through the streets now, damn near hitting a couple of pedestrians who were trying to walk by on the crosswalks. I don't care. I have to get there as soon as I can! I have to be there for my lover!

Don't worry, Kenshin. I'm coming for you.

Keep your head above water meanwhile.

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The crowd coos in union as I hit the ground, blood splattering from my mouth. We've been going at it for the past half hour now, with no ending in sight. Shishio has succeeded in punching the fucking cast from my nose, busting my lower lip open, giving me two black eyes, and bruises all over my body. I'm surprised I haven't broken a bone yet, minus maybe a new splinter over my nose bridge. I am definitely not going to wake up pretty tomorrow, that's for sure. Luckily, I got in a few really good hits and it looks like Shishio is worse for wear for tomorrow, too. Shishio quickly walks over me to grab my shirt collar and lifting his other hand to form a fist, ready to punch me, when I suddenly kick upwards and got him right in the nuts. Hey, I can fight dirty too. He yells out in pain and lets go of me to crouch over in pain, his knees hitting the ground now. I take this opportunity to get up and kick him from behind his head, making him collapse completely.

Some were booing me from the crowd, while most were fucking happy I did that. They know of Shishio and what he is really capable of. They haven't forgotten what he's done against those poor girls back then. And I'm going to avenge all of them today. Soujiro, too, for that matter. They've all suffered tremendously thanks to this fuckhead, and I'm going to let him know with my own fists.

Pretty soon, I'm sitting over his stomach and have him face me with his back against the ground, plummeting his face with my fists. Blood splashes everywhere, people are screaming from all around me, and my mind feels lightheaded from all of the excitement. The violence is as horrifying as you could imagine. Anymore of this, and I might just kill the guy. Which could spell a lot of trouble for me and for Soujiro, if we want to have a future together. Still, my mind is completely blank of all reason and sound logic, and I keep hitting him. Again, and again, and again. Non-stop. The crowd slowly starts to quiet down, watching on in horror as I keep punching Shishio again and again. It doesn't take long before a random student comes in with his palms up, "Hey man, that's enough."

"Yeah, you're gonna kill him!" A girl cries out.

I don't listen and continue. The male student who tried to stop me then decide along with his friend to try to grab a hold of me, hauling me off of Shishio, who is pretty much knocked the fuck out. He's not moving or making any sound. His blood is everywhere now. I am trying to steady my breaths as the sides of my body quiver from all of the impact and emotional terror of being in this mess. The girl who shouted at me to stop whips out her phone to call an ambulance, and people started to back up from the both of us, as if afraid of being contaminated by all of this. At least they got their fucking show. I oughta charge all of them for the good drama. Everywhere fucking hurts in my face and in my body. The girl urges the ambulance team to hurry up and to pick up two boys from the local junkyard, and I am afraid that the police will soon be dispatched too. Fuck. Should I even stay? I should go to Soujiro now! He needs me!

"Hey, where are you going?!"

I ignore that voice from behind me as I start to walk away from the scene. Well, practically limping, more like, since Shishio got my legs pretty good today as well as my face. God, everything fucking hurts. I could go to another hospital if Soujiro doesn't mind taking me, but how am I going to explain all of the bruises and bandages to my dad? He's going to flip his fucking shit. I've been doing so well in school and at home that this is the last thing he expected me to do. Well, what can I say. Can't take the street from a hoodlum even after he's being presented with a way out of it. It is at that moment that I hear a familiar voice calling after me: _"Kenshin!"_

I snap my head up to see Soujiro now running towards me from the other side of the junkyard, his car parked not too far from us. I hope he locked the doors! Does he even know where he is, now?! I grunt, his form and the environment around him blurring and re-focusing. My knees buckle and I soon couldn't hold on to my posture, descending to my knees. Soujiro hurries up to kneel down in front of me, trying to grab a hold of me and starts to cry. Jesus, Soujiro. Not here. Don't be like that. Don't _look_ at me like that! People are watching! Soujiro.. People are.. They're watching..

My vision tunnels and everything fades to black, the last thing I hear was Soujiro crying out my name.

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 _Beep..._

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 _Beep..._

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 _Beep..._

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 _"Kenshin.."_

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 _Beep..._

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 _"I love you, Kenshin.."_

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The pain is gone now. I don't know where it all went. All I know is.. I'm floating. I am now formless. Shapeless. Gaseous. I don't feel real. My eyes are trying to flutter open, but I can't. I can only see a white bright light that hurts too much to look at. And then I close them back again, descending into a world of nothingness. I don't sleep. Not that I think I do, anyway. I don't dream, and I don't see or hear anything. I just float. Through an empty abyss of time and space. Floating and swimming through the waves of memories. Childhood memories. Hiko smiling and laughing at something on the television screen. Running through the tall grass. Sand. A person talking, a face I do not recognize. Water sliding down a tree as I watch when I am ten years old. A funeral. Who was it that died? I don't remember. I think I'm five. No, I'm eight. Ten. A hundred. A million years ago. I'm running around in a house. I think I'm running away from a monster. Hiko again, speaking to a group of crying people. Black clothes. Red hair and beautiful blue eyes. Tomoe whispering into my ear that I look just like my mother. Mother. Red hair. My real mother had red hair. Photographs.

A bright white light flashes, and I take in a shaky breath. Slowly, I open my eyes, seeing above me an unfamiliar, white ceiling. The last thing I remember was Soujiro crying softly near my ear when I fell to the ground at the junkyard. I guess he took me to the hospital, then? It smells super fucking clean here. Almost too much rubbing alcohol and the smell of medicine filling up my senses. I groan, feeling dizzy. He better not have taken me to the same hospital as Shishio. Knowing Soujiro, though, he probably took me to a more private, up scale hospital to take care of me. As far away as possible from the people who would want to hurt the both of us for being in love. It'd make sense. I carefully turn my head to the side to see Soujiro sleeping on a nice, comfortable couch not too far from me, and I just look at him. He looks so fucking beautiful just sleeping there. Poor guy. I really did a lot of shit towards him, and he still wants to be by my side. If that's not proof enough that we should get married in the future, then I don't know what else will. I look at him some more before I turn my head away, smirking. Oh, Soujiro.

Where do we go from here?

At this rate, I'm sure the students probably called the cops on me and on Shishio, so I will be expecting a visit from them soon. What am I going to tell them? That they threatened me and Soujiro with our lives? I doubt they'd buy it since I already have a record with them. That's what I get from stealing a couple of useless shit at a store and getting caught, I guess. I have done community service at the juvenile delinquent center for about a month, and I don't know if they've purged that from my records yet. They wouldn't forget a face like mines, especially with red hair like mines. They know of my father, too, and how he's come a long way from his old days of glory. I don't know if they're going to let this shit go. I could definitely lie and just say that Shishio was the one who swung at me first, and I was just defending myself. You can't get in trouble for defending yourself, right? But then, his face must be beyond repair for it to just look like I was only trying to protect myself, or Soujiro.

Fuck. This is bad. I don't know how I'm going to wiggle myself out of this mess. Am I going to get in trouble at school, too? Would they care? We took our business away from school grounds, and Shishio and I are legally adults who can do what we want. So truthfully, I don't know what they're going to do. Maybe Mr Saito will be willing to turn his cheek the other way if it means that Soujiro's father won't run the fucking establishment to the ground. That's something I can use as leverage. Thank fucking God for pain killers and morphine. I can hardly feel my face. I still feel super fuzzy and weird, though. I suddenly hear someone stirring and shifting around, and I turn to see Soujiro rubbing his sleepy eyes with his hand. I chuckle, mumbling with strain, "Hey there."

He flinches, looking at me with wide eyes, and he damn near stumble from his seat to get to my side, "Kenshin! Are you okay?"

I smile painfully, "Do I look okay to you?"

He grunts, and then smiles awkwardly, "I guess not."

I sigh, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I feel okay so far. The medicine is blocking out most of the pain, but I just feel dizzy."

Soujiro is quiet for a moment, before he asks me, "Do you need anything?"

"A nice steak dinner with you sounds nice."

He giggles, "I'm afraid that won't happen for a while."

"Then.. Can you.. Contact Hiko for me? Tell him where I am now? He should be at your company working right now, but he deserves to know what happened."

His eyes widened, "Should I.. Tell him it was because Shishio knows of our relationship?"

I shake my head gingerly, "N-no. Hiko doesn't have to know about that. Just say I got my ass beat and I am in this hospital now. I'll talk to him when he gets here."

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as I am spending the rest of my life with you."

I see his face reddening at that confession, and he stumbles with his words, "O-oh. Okay. Yeah."

I smile, "What? Are you embarrassed?"

"No.."

"What, then? Do you agree that we should stay together forever?"

Please say yes, Soujiro.

I love you.

He is stunned for what seemed like forever. He knows that I have done this all for him. Protecting him from everyone who is trying to hurt him. Trying to break into his father's laptop if it meant showing him that his old man is not who he says he is. Making love to him so that he can finally know what it's like to be loved at long last. Staying by his side despite losing my friends in the process, because he's more important to me than he realizes. It's all for you, Soujiro. All of it. So, please say yes. Say yes to what I'm trying to tell you. What I've been dying to tell you since you joked about marrying me because all I want to do is spend time with you. Just say it. Just say yes. I love you so much, it hurts.

Arrgh, speaking of hurt..!

"Nurse. I need.. the nurse..!" I groan painfully, the pain suddenly returning to my head and in my face.

Soujiro stumbles up to press an assistance alarm near my bed to call up the nurse, his face still pinched red. As we both wait for someone to come in and give me medication, we look at one another, at a loss for words. Maybe I am speaking madness because of the medicine, or because of the pain, or because of all that's happened. But at the same time, I really do think Soujiro and I would make such a wonderful, lifelong partners. I could have lived my life, blissfully unaware of a passionate love as strong as this. I would have ended up with Kaoru, or with Tomoe, or someone else entirely, who may be of the same background as I am. Someone as poor as me, as troubled as me, as angry at the world as me.. Someone I can feel comfortable with. Someone familiar. Someone I don't feel so strangely around, especially when things like money comes into play.

But.. Maybe true love isn't meant to be comfortable. Maybe it's meant to throw you off balance. Make you do and say things you wouldn't have otherwise have done, if it weren't for the other person. Make you stay up at night, thinking of delicious thoughts of the other person, and feeling also angry that it had to be them, of all people! That's what you mean to me, Soujiro. You're the imbalance in my paradigm that's making me turn into someone I could hardly recognize in the mirror. Someone who wants to really fight for the person he loves most, when he used to care less about anything or anyone else before. You did that, Soujiro. So of course I want to spend the rest of my life with you. It's only natural.

As the nurse and doctor check up on me and refill the IV drip, Soujiro steps outside in the hallway to call up Hiko to tell him where we are.

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 _The One_

 _I don't want you to love me because I'm good for you, because I say and do all the right things. Because I am everything you have been looking for._

 _I want to be the one that you didn't see coming. The one who gets under your skin. Who makes you unsteady. Who makes you question everything you have ever believed about love. Who makes you feel reckless and out of control. The one you are infuriatingly and inexplicably drawn to._

 _I don't want to be the one who tucks you into bed—I want to be the reason why you can't sleep at night._

 _— Lang Leav_

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I am back on Kenshin's side after he dozes off from the medicine. I just hung up my phone with his stepfather and told him that I am a good friend of his stepson who had to drive him to the hospital. I told him the name and the address of the place, and he said he'll be there in a hurry. I look at my sleeping lover as he snoozes away. Will he wake up in time when Hiko arrives? What will he tell him? What lies will Kenshin have to say to someone else this time? I feel so horrible over this. All Kenshin has done since meeting me was lying to all of his friends and family over me. Over _our_ affair. Have I really helped him like I thought I did, or did I made him worse off than before? I did helped him do better in school, and I did gave Hiko a stable job so that they can both thrive again. But in exchange, Kenshin has to lie and sneak around behind people's backs. He always prided himself over being brutally honest and authentic, but now that he's met me.. He's absolutely changed in ways that shouldn't be encouraged.

I deflate. Oh, Kenshin.

I know what you were trying to ask me before. Of course I want to be with you forever. Of course I want to marry you when we get the chance. Of course you are the one for me. I've done all of this just so I can get close to you, because I am irrationally in love with you. There's just things we have to be careful of if we want to make our dreams come true. I think you are right, in that maybe, my father is hiding something big from this world. If we expose him, then we can be together. Right? As long as we can both leverage the discovery against my father, then my father would do anything to keep our mouths shut.. Even if it means dethroning me from the family company so that I can be with Kenshin in peace.

Father. It's because of you that I hated myself for all these years. It's because of you that I did not wanted to be gay. Because of your homophobia, and disgust over homosexual people. The way you talk about gay men and lesbians, and even against bisexuals too, still shakes me to this day. I hate you. I really do. I fucking hate you and everything you stand for. I would've done anything for you, to make you proud of me. But I'm done. I'm done and done with all of your shit. I've met someone now, someone who accepts me and wants me to be real with myself about what I want in this life. You're going to hate him, father, but that just makes him even more lovely in my eyes. So fuck you, dad. I don't need your approval anymore.

After all of this.. I guess.. This is goodbye.

"Kenshin.." I whisper, gently rubbing the back of my hand against his cheek, the sight of his entire head bandaged up hurting my chest, "Are you awake?"

He groans, but never the less answers me, "Barely."

I smirk, "Okay. I called your dad. He should be here in about twenty minutes or so. Is there.. Anything you want me to tell him? In case you fall back asleep?"

"Hrmm," He hums, "I'll try to stay awake for you, Soujiro. But you shouldn't mention anything that would give our relationship away to him. I think that should be obvious by now that Hiko cannot.. I mean.. He just can't know right now, okay? Not when he's on top of his game right now with the job and the alcohol. I don't.. I don't want him to bring him down to how it used to be before.."

I nod, "I understand. I completely get it. I agree with that. I won't tell him anything about us."

He smiles through the exhaustion, "Thanks."

"But, Kenshin.. What about Shishio? Will you tell your dad that it was him who beat you up like this?"

"Yeah.. I'll tell dad that it was Shishio. That he and his friends wanted to jump me and that I was just defending myself. But you won't be in the story. It'll be about two ruffians getting into senseless violence because of strained history together. Nothing more, nothing less."

"Do you think the cops will.." I stop myself, trying to think of what to say next, "Do you think the other kids called the cops, too?"

"I doubt it. Most people at our school are pretty anti-pig. But if they did called them or if the emergency dispatch did, they don't have a fucking case on me. I defended myself. What is Shishio and his fuckboys gonna say? That it was because they heard that I am gay? Good way to get sued for homophobia, I guess. Nah, they wouldn't talk shit, especially when they are already on police record."

I nod some more, "Yeah. That makes sense. But what if they bring my name up?"

"They're afraid of your father once they hear his name. So as far as I'm concerned, you're safe. And anyway, you have money. You can lawyer up big time and maybe drag Shishio and his crew down to many years in prison. They wouldn't dare."

I sigh, "I guess so. I would bet on it that your father is going to freak the fuck out when he sees you like this, anyhow."

"Let him. Maybe then I can stay home for the rest of the school year."

"What makes you say that?" I blink, curious.

"Well, the school might be liable for this, and they do have rules against this type of bullying. I'm going to be in too much pain to go to class while my face is this messed up, you know."

Oh, Kenshin.

"Did the doctors tell you how long you'll be bandaged up like this?"

"They said that I'm lucky that nothing didn't get super fucked up in my face, but they are discussing the possibility of surgery for some of the broken bones under my eyes and on my nose. I'm gonna be on some pretty hardcore pain medications and antibiotics that makes me want to sleep more so than do anything else, and they do think I should be in bed for as much as I possibly can. So, realistically, they said six to eight weeks before I can get back to normal. Maybe more."

"Jesus." I whisper, shaking my head, "Kenshin, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine. I've gotten beaten up before. Not as bad as this, but close."

"Did they say how long you have to stay at the hospital?"

"I think a week or two, then I can go home to Hiko."

I am quiet for a while, just watching him. He has his eyes closed, but I can see him smirking to himself, as if in disbelief that today had happened. I can't blame the guy. It _is_ fucking crazy that today happened. I am beyond pissed that he got hurt because Sanosuke and Yahiko don't know when to shut the fuck up. I'm going to shame them so hard over this, I swear to God. Better yet, I'm going to shame all of the gang over this if they dare to ask me what happened or where Kenshin is, since he won't be in school for a while. I'll tell them it's their fucking faults that this happened to him. I'll make sure of that. After all they've put us through so far, it's what they deserve, truthfully.

"Kenshin.." I hesitate, unsure if I should ask, "Um.. Since you'll be home from school, and you'll be receiving homework assignments and such online.. Do you.. Um.. Do you suppose it's okay, if I can.. Come over, and _—_ "

 _"_ _—_ _No."_

My heart pangs at that, eyes wavering at what I just heard, "What?"

He grunts, slowly turning his face away from me, "No. I'm sorry, but no."

"But.. But why? Is it because.." I gulp, deciding against adding the following: Because he's poor, and I'm rich, and he's embarrassed over how he lives in contrast to me. Kenshin sighs woefully.

"I'm.. I'm sorry, Soujiro. I just don't want you to look at how I live."

Now I feel desperate and my voice breaks.

"But.. I don't care how you live! Hiko has made some fixtures to the house, hasn't he?"

Kenshin is quiet for the next few beats, and then sighs again, "Yeah. Yeah, he has. It's looking much better than before. It's starting to really feel like a home that a family would live in. But.. I still feel embarrassed. You don't understand. And I don't fault you for that. But.. You've never lived the way I lived like, Soujiro. And I don't want to expose that kind of sadness to you."

Now tears are trickling down my face, "But I'm in love with you, Kenshin! How could I judge you or how you live when I think about you all the time? Do you really think you're just going to prevent me from seeing you for the next couple of months? Is that what you really want?"

He blinks softly at what I just said, looking at my face with an expression I have never seen before, ".. Well, no. Of course I don't want that.."

I hiccup, tears continuing streaming down my face, and I smile bitterly, "Then, let me come over to your place. Please. I can't bare to go six or more weeks without seeing you. Without seeing that handsome face. I want to take care of you, Kenshin. I want to be there for you. Because.. Because that's what a good boyfriend is supposed to do for his boyfriend. Am I right? Or am I speaking nonsense to you?"

He smiles mildly, amused by my passion, "No. I guess not. You are right, Soujiro. I still feel so ashamed."

"There are things about me that if you came to know, I'd die from shame too. But I want to go through this with you, together, as a team. Because that's what we are, Kenshin. A team." I lean in kiss his free hand that is only slightly bandaged up due to a mild sprain, "I love you so much."

Silence.

"I love you too, baby."

"Please let me come over. Please say yes."

Kenshin smiles a little wider, despite all of the bandages that covers his entire head and covering up nearly half his face, "You can come over, Soujiro."

I hold on to that hand of his, just smiling down at him with misty eyes that are now crying out of joy rather than from pain. And in that moment of intimacy, the door swings open, scaring us both half to death. I whip around in time to see Hiko heaving and panting, his face pink and wet with perspiration, _"Shinta..!"_

Before I knew it, he stumbles in and I quickly take a few steps away from the bed so that he can now stand over the bed where Kenshin is lying in, and I hear him glower, "Dad, seriously.. Just calm do _—_ "

 **"** _—_ **Calm down?!How do you expect me to calm down!? Who did this to you?!"** Hiko bellows, and I flinch, shrinking back. This is already getting out of hand. What am I supposed to do? Should I step in? Say something? Stay quiet? Let them talk it out?

Kenshin..

Finally, Kenshin replies with a strained voice, "Dad, listen. I got jumped by Makoto Shishio. You don't know him, but I've known the guy for a few years now and he's vermin. He and his guys tried to hurt me for no good reason today, so I just defended myself from him. Boys fucking fight, that's just how it is. It happens."

I could practically hear Hiko gritting his teeth in anger, "Why would _that_ happen? Did you say something to them?"

"I didn't fucking say shit, dad. He always had it out for me. Ask Soujiro. He's right fucking there behind you."

Hiko turns to me, rage filling up his eyes, waiting for me to answer. I gulp, nodding to affirm behind Kenshin's statement, "It's.. It's true, Mr Himura. Kenshin cut through the junkyard to talk to his friends for a bit before coming over to my place to study. But.. Shishio got there before him, and.. They fought. I wasn't there, but someone texted me about the fight, and I drove as fast as I could to find him. I brought him here myself. And.. Don't worry about this surgery costs. It's on me."

Hiko blinks rapidly, "On you? How?"

I chuckle uneasily, looking around at the floor beneath me for a while, before stepping forward to extend my hand out towards him, "Mr Himura, I'm.. Seta Soujiro, of The Seta Enterprise."

"Booyah!" Kenshin suddenly shouts, making Hiko turn his neck to shoot a death glare to his son.

"Kenshin, enough!" He turns back to me, trying to calm his nerves with a deep sigh before taking my hand to shake it, "Mr Seta. It is an honor to finally meet the son of the Enterprise. I am so sorry you had to meet me like this."

I shake my head with a smile, "It's no trouble, really. I'm just as shocked as you are that all of this happened, really. I am also just as furious in your position that Kenshin got hurt like this. As company compensation for your hard work so far, I am obliged to take care of the medical expenses even if the both of you are already insured. We don't want you to leave you behind with the leftover bills. I am good friends with your son, after all, so it's no pressure. I am more than happy to help out."

Hiko gapes at me, unsure of what to say, "I. Um. I, uh.. Thank you, Mr Seta."

I beam, "Please, Mr Seta is my father. Call me Soujiro."

"Soujiro. Alright, then." Hiko smiles at me, but there is still a deep worrisome look in his eyes, "Thank you. For everything."

Everything calmed down after that. Hiko stayed for a bit to talk to Kenshin some more, pressing for details about this incident. Kenshin is such a great liar, though, and made sure not to tell too much or uncover the real intimate relationship between the two of us. I also stepped in to answer some of the questions, and Hiko received them respectfully. I understand that he used to be a cop, and a detective too, on top of that. It does make me nervous. I'm scared he's going to connect the dots somehow, so we try to keep our stories as bland as possible: Shishio is a bully, who likes beating people up for seemingly no good reason, and Kenshin was at the wrong place at the wrong time. That's it. It shouldn't rouse any suspicious in Hiko after telling that story to him. Besides, we even added the fact that Shishio and his pals fucking rape girls in their spare time, so it's only normal that they'd also take up beating people up for fun on the side, too. Suffice to say, Hiko looked absolutely disgusted by that last piece of information.

The doctor soon comes in to have a long discussion with Hiko about the proposed surgery for Kenshin's face, the length it takes for the swelling to go down as well as to heal, the notes they will gladly type up for the school so that he can stay home and do the work there instead, and so on. All the while, I sit in that couch patiently, refusing to leave the room. Refusing to leave my lover like that. After the doctor finally leaves, Hiko turns to me, "So, uh.. Are you gonna get back home alright?"

"Huh? Oh.." I try to hide my blush by looking down, "Yeah, I will. I'll be okay. I'll try to visit Kenshin a few times a week after school and on the weekends too, if that's okay with you. I'd like to go over the homework with him while he rests here."

"That would be great, yes. Gotta keep those grades up. I'm really proud of my son."

"Ohhh, stop it already with the mushy shit!" We hear Kenshin groan annoyingly, and I chuckle quietly to myself.

"I'll also visit every single night after work for visiting hours, son. I'll try to make it every night, if not every other night. Try to rest as much as possible. I'll be here especially for the day of the surgery."

Kenshin scoffs, "Fine."

 _"Son."_

"Okay! I'll see you there!" Kenshin sighs exasperatedly, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'll be here on that day too, if that's okay with you, Mr Himura."

"Not a problem by me, kiddo." Hiko nods, "I'll be taking my leave for tonight, but will return tomorrow evening. I hope to see you again, Mr.. I mean, Soujiro."

I nod happily, "Yes! Absolutely!"

Soon, Kenshin and I are alone again after Hiko takes his leave. I am back to rubbing the back of my hand against Kenshin's cheek, while he drags his fingernails against my other forearm lovingly. It's amazing, really. Just how actively loving Kenshin can be, despite the pain, the trauma of getting beaten up like that, and all the medicine making him drowsy otherwise. I fight the tears in my eyes, my smile bittersweet. I had so many fears that this would happen if he and I were to get into a relationship, and I was fucking right. Because of our honesty, it landed Kenshin here in the hospital room. Because of us telling the truth, we lost all of our friends. Because of who we are, the teachers might not give us good grades anymore, barring us from having a good future together. I feared all of this would happen, and it did. That's why I was so hesitant with you and us being together, Kenshin. Precisely because of this. Because my love is so impure, and ugly, and distorted from all that I've suffered before.

So why, Kenshin.. Why do you still love me, so?

Kenshin..

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Everything feels so surreal. Between being a normal happy son for my father, who has now brought home a new lover, a woman named Murata Masako.. And being a hard working student at school, I had to keep everything inside of me stable when all I want to do is break down sobbing. Especially in the middle of the day when it all feels so hopeless. The teachers don't seem to be behaving any differently with me so far, and the students are only confused as to why I am no longer speak to the gang. Some were kind enough to take me in, offering me a seat to study with them, eat lunch with them, and ask about Kenshin's well being. I made it a point to avoid Sanosuke and Yahiko, especially, since they seemed to do nothing but glare at me whenever chance they get. Or maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me. Maybe they're just looking at me, wondering where Kenshin could be. They should know by now, right? This fight shit has been spreading like wildfire all over the school.

I see police men coming onto school grounds to have private discussions with the faculty, as well as with the principal, about who Kenshin and Shishio are, and why the events unfolded in that way. I feel so tense and nervous whenever I'd see someone dressed in all blue walking around and checking the different rooms out, to speak with the teachers in it for more information on the case. I'd always hope they wouldn't look at me and find me suspicious. I caught the eyes of one police officer, and I quickly looked away, walking with my head down as I head down to Biology class. I could've sworn he stopped walking to look at me walking away, as if wanting to stop to talk to me. But luckily.. He moved on. That was so close.

I pay attention to my teachers when they speak, but I seem to go out of focus from time to time. I keep thinking about Kenshin, and how he's pulling up at the hospital. I was there on the day of his surgery, and I had to keep everything I had in me to not break down sobbing when he came out of the surgery room with more bandages wrapped up all over his face and head. I couldn't see his eyes or his lips or any other parts that I remember kissing so fondly back then. Hiko looked absolutely gutted when he saw all the dressings around his son's head. I am beyond done calling Hiko just his stepfather from that day forward; He truly is Kenshin's father, because only a real dad would look at their poor child like that when they get hurt. I felt so heartbroken when he excused himself to go somewhere in private to.. What I assume, to cry to himself. Of course he'd do that. I would, too. In fact, I had, sobbed into my hands when Hiko left the room.

The teachers in all of my classes pulled me aside to ask me if everything was okay with me, since they know of my close friendship with Kenshin. And I disarmed them with my usual jokes and charm, and though a couple of them still seemed gravely upset by this turn of events, most of them just patted me on the back to console me and to give me his homework to take. On some nights, I'd do twice the homework, on papers he couldn't possibly type up from his hospital bed. I made notes for the both of us to study when I'd visit him to read to, as well. I am very busy these days because of Kenshin, but I do not mind it one bit. I like taking care of him like this. I love him with all of my heart too much not to!

And suddenly, this happens.

"Hey."

I snap from my daydreams one day, looking from the side, as the last bell for the school days rings. I'm in the hallway right now, taking some stuff into my book bag from my locker, preparing myself to go visit Kenshin again at the hospital. It's been a week since he landed in the emergency room from getting beaten by Shishio, and just as long as I've last Shishio or any of his shoddy friends. And the person who said that just now, is none other than Sanosuke Sagara. He looks super serious right about now, which is a bit irksome, since he is usually the class clown in the school as well as in the gang. He's alone this time, talking to me, without Yahiko or Megumi or Kaoru around, making it even more awkward and tense. Everyone walks by, chatting and laughing and being completely unaware of the tension between him and I.

At first, I was staring at him in confusion, but remembering what he did to me and Kenshin in a couple of seconds, I go back to giving him a glare. I close my eyes and turn my head back on straight ahead, slamming my locker door shut before turning around to walk away, "Hmph."

"Hey, I was talking to you!" Sanosuke quickly walks up from behind me to walk side by side now, "What happened to Kenshin? He's been missing for a week with no sign of him anywhere!"

"Oh, so _now_ you care!" I respond curtly and with a biting tone, refusing to look at him as I kept walking.

"Well yeah, I'll always fucking care about him! I'm sorry Yahiko and I were dicks, but believe it or not, we're not exactly perfect citizens of society, so don't expect us to always act as perfectly as your other rich fucking friends!"

I abruptly stop walking to whip around at him in anger, "Don't talk about my other friends! You don't know anything about them, so just stop it! And besides, it's not like I've kept in steady in contact since I've moved here and gotten to know Kenshin! Don't talk shit when it was you and Yahiko who couldn't keep shit to themselves!"

"So, what, Kenshin is hiding away at home or something?"

I stared at him, bewildered, "You've got to be kidding me! You mean you haven't heard? About the fight?"

"Yeah, I heard about a fight, but we were all caught up with Kaoru's emotional trauma _—_ "

" _—_ Trauma?" I seethe, and I shake my head, my anger dissolving into a sad chuckle, "What a laugh. Tell her she'll know what trauma is when she knows what it's like to have the entire school against you just because you're gay. Because you're in love with someone you're not supposed to. I'm sorry she got cheated on. Really, I am. I didn't fucking tell Kenshin to do that to her.. He broke my heart when he did that to me too, you know!"

He grunts, not knowing what to say, "Soujiro, I.. I'm sorry. I didn't came here to start a fight."

"Then why are you bothering me?!"

"Because!" He shuts his eyes, realizing how loud he was being and how students were looking on from over their shoulders, and he tries to calm down before muttering the next few words, "We don't.. Hate you guys because you love each other or whatever. We're just upset that Kenshin lied to us, and hurt Kaoru a lot in the process. That's all."

I swallow a painful lump in my throat, blinking away the tears in my eyes, "Whatever. Kenshin's in the hospital now thanks to Makoto Shishio."

"What?" Sanosuke opens his eyes, "He's at the hospital?"

"Yes." I look down at the floor glumly, "Shishio beat him up so badly that he had to go under surgery to fix some fractures on the bones of his face. Thankfully everything came back normal, but.. It hurts. It hurts seeing him like that.."

"Soujiro," Sanosuke straightens up, his eyes wavering as I can see the rage rising up in them, "We'll take care of Shishio for you two. I promise. Just.. Is it okay if we can visit him?"

I scoff, "Yeah. Right."

"Can you at least.. ask him? Can you do that, at the very least?"

"I don't know if Kenshin would want to see you all right now. But.. sure.. I'll ask him."

He smiles a little, still seemingly unsure and weird about all of this, "Soujiro. Thank you. I do have.. Something else I want to ask you."

I look at him, waiting.

"He, um. Kenshin, I mean. He mentioned something.. about your father.. the night we were supposed to have that sleepover at your place. That he feels, like.. Like your father is doing something bad, or like.. Alright, I'll cut to the shit, but is your father hurting you at all?"

I gape at him, stunned. Kenshin said that? Why would he do that? I of course have always felt curious about what dark secrets my father is hiding from me, but.. I don't know if I'm ready to let the whole world know of what my father did to me back then. I don't even remember most of it, anyway. That's the weird thing about trauma, and how it just blacks out most of the memories away in your subconscious. It's better if I don't unlock them now while the semester will soon come to an end. I don't know if I am ready to directly confront them now when Kenshin is all alone and vulnerable at the hospital. It just can't end well. I shake my head quickly, my eyes shutting, "No! No, we can't! We just can't talk about this, Sano!"

He grunts, surprised by my outburst, "But why, dude?! Even I'm getting fucking worried about you! If your dad is hurting you or has hurt you, you should.. You should lean on us, Soujiro! We acted like fucking assholes to you two for a while, but.. We really don't hate either of you! We want to.."

I open my eyes, tears now tickling the rims of my eyes, "I'm so afraid, Sano! There are cops everywhere now! If they know of my father's.. secrets.. the Enterprise that we've cultivated for so many years now, that gave us the income to thrive.. all of it would just crumble down.. I don't know if I want to ruin my father's life like that.."

He looks at me in a serious, foreboding manner, and finally asks me pointedly, "The same way your father ruined _your_ life, Soujiro?"

I stare at him, deeply shocked, "..."

He sighs, "Look. It is hard. I know how it is. My old man beats me, and there are so many days where I wish I could just fucking kill him for what he's done to me. At the same time, I worship him because he's the one who brought me up and took care of my mom. It's hard to separate these feelings we have over our parents because we're all blood bonded for our entire lives, that it's hard to just see them as anything else but our parents. But parents aren't supposed to hurt you, Soujiro. Sooner or later.. There comes a moment in your life when you should hold your father responsible for his actions, as a separate individual, and not just as his son. You're more than that role you were born into, Soujiro. You're a human being, with your own life, with a bright future ahead of him. And I don't mean the fucking Enterprise. I want you to forge your own path, without your father there having to dictate it. Kenshin wants you to be happy without your father's approval. Because honestly? It sounds like the old fuck doesn't give a shit even if you jumped a thousand hoops for him. Isn't that right?"

Now I'm crumbling down into a sobbing mess. Great. Just fucking great. As I cry into my hands, hiccuping and sniffling like a little child, Sanosuke just stands near me, not saying anything and just letting me have this in peace. He's right. He's fucking right and I know it. None of what my father has done or is doing now is normal or healthy. He really did ruined my life, my childhood, and.. I cover my mouth suddenly, trying to swallow down the vomit that's trying to come up, and Sano calls out my name softly and in confusion, making me shake my head, whispering, "I'm sorry, Sano. I'm just.. So upset.. But.. You're right. You're right. I.. I need help.. I need help getting into m-my father's.."

"Your father's what?"

"His.. His laptop."

Silence.

"Is there something bad on it?" Sanosuke asks, and I flinch inwardly.

".. Y-yeah."

He nods, "I know someone who's really good with computers and with hacking. Is your father home today?"

"No."

"Good. Mind giving me a lift to your place now, then? I'll call the guy from your car so that we can then go pick him up. And Soujiro?"

I turn to him, surprised, "Yeah?"

He smirks, laying a hand on my shoulder, "Thanks for telling me all of this. I'm still sore over me and Yahiko trying to hit you with that volleyball, but.. I'm serious when I say that we really don't care about you and Kenshin being together. I'm glad Kenshin is happier now thanks to you."

I smile, tears still streaming down my face, "Yeah.. I'm really sorry about Kaoru. It really wasn't supposed to be like this, but.. I guess things got carried away when it shouldn't have happened. So, we're both really sorry about that too. How is she, by the way?"

"She's still torn up but she's coping. We're there for her so I know she'll pull through eventually. Kaoru's a lot stronger than she lets on, honestly. That's probably one of the many reasons why she's like a sister to us."

"Yeah," I smile wider, "She really is awesome."

"Yeah. Let's go, then. We've got a laptop to break into!"

I chuckle, "Yeah!"

Deep down, though.. I'm so nervous.

Am I ready to face the darkness?

I wish Kenshin was here with me right now.

(To be continued)


End file.
